Communication jesus cares
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  • In the short run and in the long run
  • Roles theory – helps us understand why various members of our family behave and communicate in the ways they do. It assumes that we all hold a variety of roles and that those roles dictate the behavior we will use to carry out those roles of the stage of life. (Family Communication: Nurturing and Control in a Changing World by Beth A. Le Poire)There are different kinds of roles in different kinds of families, but all families have Nurturers and Controllers.Normally, we COMMUNICATE according to the roles that we play.
  • Control – may be viewed as negative but it is needed in a healthy homeNormally, the Nurture and Control roles are taken on by separate parents, at times switching places.
  • Studies (Hart, Newall, and Olsen, 2003) show that children do best with Democratic style of parenting. There is a tie with autocratic and permissive for second place, and children do the worst with neglected parenting.Democratic - high levels of control coupled with high warmth where parents negotiate with children but still provide the greatest percentage of the rules Nurture – also called “warmth” or responsivenessControl – also called “demandingness”
  • As the name implies..Ask for both verbal and non verbal examples
  • Single parents need to do both control and nurture which makes it harder for them Parents in either role should not be in competitionWhich quadrant does your family of origin belong to?Which quadrant does your present family belong to?
  • Process themWere they able to communicate even without words?
  • Definition: Assumption is the act of taking for granted, or supposing a thing without proof.Key Principle : 1. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. 2. Communicate with your child as clearly possible to avoid misunderstandings and miscommunicationTHE GREATEST CASE OF WRONG ASSUMPTIONS IN PHILIPPINE HISTORYPNOYMayor LimManila PoliceIsko Moreno
  • An open response is listening BEYOND the surface, but seeing the underlying feelings of your child.

Communication jesus cares Communication jesus cares Presentation Transcript

  • Effective Communication With Your Child
    By: Herald C. Cruz
  • This is My Family
  • Today’s communication technology
  • And still, so much MISCOMMUNICATION prevails!
  • People who truly love each other
    cannot understand each other.
    Just Imagine…
  • The family can be…
    the greatest source of JOY and…
    the greatest source of STRESS
  • What does a family with healthy communication Look like?
  • “Parent-child closeness is associated with reduced adolescent pregnancy risk through teens remaining sexually abstinent, postponing intercourse, having fewer sexual partners, and using contraception more consistently “
    Miller, B. C., Benson, B., & Galbraith, K. A. (2001). Family relationships and adolescent pregnancy risk: A research synthesis. Developmental Review, 21, 1–38.
  • I. Family Communication:
    Nurture and Control
    II. Communicating Your Love:
    The Five Love Languages
    III. Common Mistakes in Family Communication
    IV. Tips for Effective Communication
  • I. Family Communication: Nurture and Control
    (Family Communication: Nurturing and Control in a Changing World by Beth A. Le Poire)
  • We all play a variety of roles in our lives
  • Parenting Role #1: Nurture
    Nurturing Roles
    Health Care Providers, etc
  • Parenting role #2: Control
    Controlling Roles
    Behavior control
    Decision making
    Family boundary maintenance
    Financial Organization
  • Nurture and Control Quadrants
  • Nurturing Communication
  • Controlling Communication
  • Nurture and Control Quadrants
  • II. Communicating Your Love: The Five Love Languages
  • Love Tank = Emotional Bank Acct
    Deposits & Withdrawals
    Theory: 5 deposits = 1 withdrawal
    Primary Language
  • “Thanks for helping me.”
    “Ang galing mo!”
    “Great job!.”
    “Okay ka talaga anak.”
    1. Words of Affirmation
  • 2. Gifts
  • 3. Acts of Service
  • 4. Quality Time
  • 5. Physical Touch (lambing)
  • 30 Second Self-Assessment
     I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me, and for the simple, everyday things I do (Words of Affirmation)
    I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me (Quality Time)
    I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love (Gifts)
    I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me by running errands or taking on my household chores (Acts of Service)
    I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings for me through “lambing” (Physical Touch)
  • How to spot your child’s love language
    1. Observe how your child expresses love to you.
    2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.
    3. Listen to what your child requests most often.
    4. Listen to your child’s most frequent complaints.
    5. Give your child a choice between two options.
  • I. Family Communication:
    Nurture and Control
    II. Communicating Your Love:
    The Five Love Languages
    III. Common Mistakes in Family Communication
    IV. Tips for Effective Communication
  • Charades
  • III. Common Mistakes in Communication
  • 1. Not seeing the whole picture
  • 7% - Words
    38% - Tone
    55% - Body language
    38% + 55% = 93% Non-verbal!
    Communication is…
  • Samples of non-verbal communication
    What feeling does this boy communicate?
  • 2. Wrong Assumptions
  • 3. Having negative communication patterns
    child will not believe if you don’t follow through
    stifle communication
    makes label part of his self-image
    child is only after the reward
    • SHAMING/
    sense of self-worth is shattered
  • IV. Tips for Effective Communication
  • Know how to listen with your heart
    Tip #1. EMPATHIZE
    Goal: Learning to focus on one’s feelings versus on the fault the other
  • “You” Message
    • Blames or accuses child
    • Conveys criticism
    • Complains about total character of child
  • “You” – Message
    “Wala ka nang magawang tama!!!!”
  • Non-Blaming
    Describes the child’s behavior that interferes with you
    Expresses how you feel about the behavior/or what you want to happen
    “I” - Message
  • How to construct an I-MESSAGE
    1.Describe the behavior.
    “When you….”
    2. State your feelings about the consequence of the behavior.
    “…I feel…”
    3. State the reason.
  • STOP what you are doing
    LOOK them in the eyes
    LISTEN attentively
  • Actively listening through an “Open response”
    acknowledge feelings
    accept & understand
    deny set aside feelings
    unwilling to accept
    encouraged to say more
    belittled, rejected
    will not speak again
  • A little exercise...
    Forget it! She didn’t mean it, anyway.
    You’re really angry with her, huh?
    I’ll never play with her again!
  • Stop complaining and just do it!
    It seems very difficult for you at the moment.
    I can’t get my homework!
  • We’ve discussed this before.
    Stop being makulit!
    It seems you are feeling
    we are being unfair to you.
    Why can’t I go with you? He always gets to go.
    Good communication takes a LOT of effort, but it can make or break our relationships
  • Open Forum