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  • 1. SOC200 Marriage and Family WORKSHOP 2 “ Dating And Mate Selection” Instructor: Glenn Johnson
  • 2. SOC200 Marriage and Family Questions From Workshop 1? “ Introduction to Marriage and Family”
  • 3. SOC200 Marriage and Family DEVOTION & PRAYER 1  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:1-6, NIV
  • 4. SOC200 Marriage and Family DEVOTION & PRAYER 7  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9  For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10  but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12  Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1Corinthians 13:1-6, NIV
  • 5. SOC200 Marriage and Family DEVOTION & PRAYER How is this biblical view of love different from a secular view of romantic love? What kind of love should there be in a Christian marriage?
  • 6. SOC200 Marriage and Family FUNCTIONS OF DATING When you first began to date, what role did your parents play in the whole scenario? How did that impact your dating experiences to come as a young adult? Looking back, what would you have done differently in your approach to dating?
  • 7. SOC200 Marriage and Family FUNCTIONS OF DATING HISTORY Most marriages across cultures are arranged by the parents.
  • 8. SOC200 Marriage and Family FUNCTIONS OF DATING HISTORY
    • 18 th and 19 th Centuries
    • “ Calling”….”Keeping Company”
    Kind of Like Ernest T. Bass “Calling On Charlene on the Andy Griffith Show
  • 9. SOC200 Marriage and Family FUNCTIONS OF DATING HISTORY WORLD WAR 1 Age of Marriage Young Adult Independence Less Parental Supervision Dating For Fun
  • 10. SOC200 Marriage and Family DATING FUNCTIONS TODAY
    • 4 FUNCTIONS
    • Recreation
    • Socialization
    • Confirmation of Social Self
    • Status Achievement
  • 11. SOC200 Marriage and Family AMERICAN DATING “ Delights, Discontents and Dilemmas” Laner
  • 12. SOC200 Marriage and Family AMERICAN DATING “ Delights, Discontents and Dilemmas” Laner
    • 12 Themes
    • Companionship
    • Friendship
    • Intimacy
    • Freedom of Choice
    • Good Times
    • Love and Romance
    • Sense of Security
    • Sense of Specialness
    • Learning About Other
    • Mutuality
    • Personal Growth
    • Sexual Contact
    These All Produce JOYS AND FRUSTRATIONS in American Dating Relationships!
  • 13. SOC200 Marriage and Family AMERICAN DATING LEVELS OF COMMITMENT Changes in Various Stages of Relationship Springer, Fournier and Olson Survey: 960 Students at Univ. of Minnesota FRIENDSHIP: Held at higher level of commitment than casual dating SERIOUS DATING & ENGAGEMENT: Men’s levels spiked WOMEN’S COMMITMENT LEVELS: Gradually increased & had higher commitment levels throughout COMMITMENT LEVELS WITH COHABITATION: Fell off for both men and women
  • 14. SOC200 Marriage and Family AMERICAN DATING CULTURAL VARIATIONS Many cultures are now struggling with the erosion of the arranged marriage as a reliable institution with the rise of divorce. Nations with arranged marriages have typically had lower divorce rates
  • 15. SOC200 Marriage and Family BREAK 7:00pm-7:15pm
  • 16. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY SCRIPTURAL WITNESS We are broken individuals.
  • 17. SOC200 Marriage and Family PROJECT TEAM ASSIGNMENT “ At Seventeen ” A Closer Look At Teen Angst and Personal Woundedness In The 1970’s
  • 18. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY MALENESS & FEMALENESS God-blessed!
  • 19. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY How would you compare this issue to the ones appearing on today’s newstands? Focus on “perfect” female body coupled with expectation of “perfect sexual performance” (top left corner of magazine under title)
  • 20. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY NEED FOR AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY Culture? Church?
  • 21. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY 6 BASIC GUIDING PRINCIPLES FOR AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY
    • Human sexuality is established in differentiation of male and female and the unity between them.
    2. Sexuality is a good gift meant to draw us to deeper levels of knowing (ourselves, other and God) 3. Humans are born with an innate capacity for sexual pleasure; this capacity can best develop within an emotionally caring, trustworthy family environment. 4. Sexuality and spirituality are intricately connected (“one flesh”) 5. After the fall, sexuality was distorted and in need of redemption. 6. Christ offers restoration and renews our potential for authentic sexuality.
  • 22. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY PREMARITAL SEX COULD BE DEFINED AS: Any physically stimulating contact designed to arouse; not just limited to intercourse. What are the physical and emotional tolls exacted by premarital sex according to the text?
  • 23. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY PREMARITAL SEX US CULTURE Relativistic…”as long as you are in love”, etc. Believed Okay by 80% of American adults (Michael, 1994) PREVALANCE of PREMARITAL SEX in TEEN CULTURE (see Fig.4.1, p. 94)
  • 24. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY PREMARITAL SEX
  • 25. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY PREMARITAL SEX ALAN GUTTMACHER INSTITUTE 25% of Sexually Active Teenage Girls Reported That Their First Sexual Intercourse Was Unwanted
  • 26. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY PREMARITAL SEX EMOTIONAL TOLL
    • Sexual Double Standard
    • Incompatible Values
    • Confusion of Values
    • Guilt
    • Damage to Relationship With God and Others
    • Affects Future Relationships
  • 27. SOC200 Marriage and Family AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY COMMON MYTHS ABOUT DATING/SEX
    • Dating is good preparation for marriage.
    • It’s okay to date a non-Christian if you are a Christian and it’s not “serious.”
    • When 2 Christians are dating one another, they will not be tempted to have sex.
    • a. “Nice Girl Dilemma” (p. 72)
    • 4. You have to date to find a mate.
  • 28. SOC200 Marriage and Family PANEL DISCUSSION Advantages to Remaining Single 8:00-8:30
  • 29. SOC200 Marriage and Family PANEL DISCUSSION Views on Premarital Sex 8:30-9:00
  • 30. SOC200 Marriage and Family BREAK 9:00-9:15
  • 31. SOC200 Marriage and Family MATE SELECTION What do we mean when we say we “ LOVE ” a cheeseburger?
  • 32. SOC200 Marriage and Family MATE SELECTION KINDS OF LOVE EROS PHILIA STORGE AGAPE
  • 33. SOC200 Marriage and Family MATE SELECTION In the West: Dominated by ROMANTIC LOVE FROMM: “Art to be learned” COMPATIBILITY Now a cornerstone to determine relationship strength
  • 34. SOC200 Marriage and Family MATE SELECTION THEORIES Evolutionary: unconscious attraction Psychodynamic: impact of family system Exchange Theory: select mates based on equity Stage Theories: describe how we go through distinct stages as we develop
  • 35. SOC200 Marriage and Family MATE SELECTION
    • Christian Viewpoint
    • Choosing someone to marry is one of the most important decisions one will ever make.
    • GUIDELINES: seek out what God wants; seek wisdom from others around you; seek wisdom from a body of believers
  • 36. SOC200 Marriage and Family FOR NEXT TIME Workshop 3 Questions?