What is self esteem
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  • 1. What is Self Esteem?Self esteem is how we feel about ourselves. It is our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. Forexample: I am good looking. I feel good about myself. I am kind. I am competent.The level of our self esteem determines how we operate in life - how we interact with others,spouse, children, friends, and strangers. It determines our goals and what we strive for, ourachievements, and our satisfaction and happiness in life.The importance of self esteem can be seen when we look at the relationship between healthy selfesteem and other psychological traits. Self esteem and personality are closely related.Healthy self esteem is related with: • Creativity • Rationality • Flexibility • Willingness to admit mistakes • Openness • Honesty • Acceptance • Cooperativeness • IndependencePeople with high self esteem tend to be more ambitious in what they want to experience in life.High self esteem people have a drive to express themselves and to communicate openly andhonestly about their needs and desires.People with healthy self esteem choose healthy relationships and they recognize the value ofrelationships. They treat others with respect, non judgmental attitude, and fairness.Much of your stress comes from internal sources. Having a high self esteem is vital for stressrelief.Can you see the importance of self esteem? It is no wonder that Nathaniel Branden says that selfesteem is our basic need.How To Build Your Self-Esteem6 tips to help you feel more confident and in control of your life as a teen 1
  • 2. It may sound a little cheesy, but feeling good about who you are -- that is, having a healthyamount of self-esteem and self-confidence -- is one of those things that will help make your lifehappier and more successful. Having confidence in yourself and your abilities goes a long waywhether youre facing a tough decision, adapting to a new situation or standing up against peerpressure. Here are some tips on how to build your self-esteem.1. Take a deep breath.Staying relaxed and being laid-back in general can help you see the bigger picture and not sweatthe small stuff so much. Its also a good frame of mind to be in when youre taking a close look atthe things youre not so good at.2. Take inventory of your strengths.Everybodys good at something, and many people are good at quite a few things. Even if youdont have a talent or strength that youre aware of, you probably have some interests you candevelop into strengths.Make a list of a few things youre good at and a few things youre interested in and would like tobe better at. Share this list with your parents, an aunt or uncle, or a teacher you like and trust.They can probably help you find other things youre good at, too, and help you come up with aplan for developing other skills and interests.3. Realize your limits.Nobodys perfect -- not even close. It may not always seem this way, but its true. So if youwerent born a good singer, a super athlete or an "A" student, thats OK. You have a personalityand a perspective on the world thats all your own and completely valuable -- even if you suckat basketball, have a big nose or look terrible in leggings.4. Stop putting yourself down. Now!One of the biggest things that keeps people from achieving their goals -- and feeling good aboutthemselves -- is negative self-talk. In other words, telling yourself that youre a loser or a failureputs a big damper on your ability to get what you want and be who you want.If you dont do well at a particular project or task, it doesnt mean that you never will. Perhapsyou werent prepared or the time simply wasnt right. It doesnt mean that youre a lousy humanbeing or that youll never succeed. Its OK to be upset for a bit when things dont go your way,but after a little while, let it go and move on. Youll be that much closer to achieving what youwant if you do.5. Celebrate progress and small victories.Did you pass your drivers test or give a killer speech despite feeling nervous? Give credit wherecredits due: You did it, and you rule! And guess what? You can tackle bigger, harder projects,too. 2
  • 3. 6. Pat yourself on the back every day.Find a few small things that you did well each day. Whether its waking up on time, smiling atthe dorky hall monitor or sending a card to your grandmother, a lot of good can beaccomplished in one day -- and its something to take pride in.Self Esteem is the Key to your Happiness and Well-beingBuilding esteem is a first step towards your happiness and a better life. If you have lowconfidence or low self esteem you will find it impossible to be the person you could be and yourhappiness will be limited.Self esteem increases your confidence. If you have confidence you will respect yourself and thenyou can respect others, improve your relationships and become happier....this is not a selfishgoal as you will contribute more and share yourself with the world and those around you.Low esteem causes depression, unhappiness, insecurity and low confidence. Others desires maytake preference over yours. Inner criticism, that nagging voice of disapproval inside you, causesyou to stumble at every challenge and challenges seem impossible.How to improve your esteem and confidence1. Face your fears - challenges seem scary but your fears are usually exagerated. Facing yourfears increases your confidence and boosts your esteem.2. Forget your failures - learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes again but dont limityourself by assuming you failed before so you cant succeed this time. Try again, youre wiserand stronger. Dont be trapped in the past!3. Know what you want and ask for it. Learn about being assertive - you deserve your dreamsto come true!4. Reward yourself when you succeed. No-one else will! Isnt everything easier when you taketime to help yourself? Make a list of your successes and focus on the positive.5. Talk - We often make assumptions about a situation or person which are not true. Yourattitude and behaviour can be negatively affected so if you have any doubt or question ask anddont assume you know why or how. There is much more about this point and about many ofthe others in a wonderful book I have read recently. I personally recommend you to read it too asyoure going to get a lot out of it. Its called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, click onthe link to order this extraordinary book now.6. Dont be defeated! Try something else. You are not going to be defeated by one failed attempt are you?Doesnt everyone fail before they succeed? All you need is a different approach. Good luck! I wish youhappiness and success! low self esteem - click here for more 3
  • 4. Self-Esteem…What is it?  Self-esteem refers to the way we see and think about ourselves.Self-Esteem…What’s it made of?  Your self-esteem is made up of all the experiences and interpersonal relationships you’ve had in your life. Everyone you’ve ever met has added to or taken away from how you see yourself!The Effects of High Self-Esteem  People with high self-esteem possess the following characteristics: -They like to meet new people. -They don’t worry about how others will judge them. -They have the courage to express themselves. -Their lives are enriched with each new encounter. -They are nicer to be around. -Their ideas are met with interest because others want to hear what they have to say. -They are magnets to positive opportunities! People with high self-esteem have an “I think I can” attitude!The Effects of Low Self-Esteem  People with low self-esteem possess the following characteristics: -They don’t believe in themselves. -They see themselves failing before they begin. -They have a hard time forgiving their mistakes and make themselves pay the price forever. -They believe they can never be as good as they should be or as others. They are afraid to show their creativity because they will be ridiculed. -They are dissatisfied with their lives. -They spend most of their time alone. -They complain and criticize. -They worry about everything and do nothing. People with low self-esteem have an “I can’t do it” attitude.12 Steps to High Self-Esteem Step 1 -Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Step 2 -Focus on your positive attributes. Step 3 -Follow the example of successful people. Step 4 -Become a self talker. Step 5 -Exhibit a good attitude. Step 6 -Get plenty of rest. Step 7 -Make your work skills your own Step 8 -Practice your talents Step 9 -Become physically fit. Step 10 -Learn new things. 4
  • 5. Step 11 -Improve your personal relationships. Step 12 -Dress well!  Self-esteem comes from every experience of your life.  How you view yourself affects everything you do in life.  High self-esteem gives you a GOOD feeling about yourself.  Low self-esteem distorts your view of yourself.  Self-esteem can me improved!  You are a unique individual. No one else is like you in the whole world. This makes you special already!  Our time in this world is limited. Make it happen for you so you leave your mark in history! 16 Guidelines for Life By Dr. Tim OngI had the wonderful experience of spending my last weekend in a workshop facilitated by AlisonMurdoch, one of the authors of “The 16 Guidelines for Life”. If you ever come across an opportunityto attend this workshop, I would highly recommend that you take it.The 16 Guidelines for Life are values that, when put into practice and internalized in our life, lead toa happier and more meaningful life. They are simple to understand, practical and straightforward,yet it is precisely because of their simplicity that we run the danger of ignoring them. While it isbeneficial to learn and understand them, their real value lies in applying them in our daily lives.The 16 Guidelines are grouped into 4 themes – how we think, how we act, how we relate and howwe find meanings in life. Understanding how we think provides us with a choice to discard ournegative and unskilful thoughts, and to embrace positive and skilful thoughts that lead to positiveoutcomes for all concern.Through some very simple yet powerful exercises, the facilitator led the participants into realizing forthemselves the judgmental habits of their mind. Thus, by paying attention and being aware of ourthoughts, we are empowered with a choice we did not know we had before – the choice of changingour thoughts or mental habits.At this point, I was reminded of the definition of insanity that a friend had given me. He said thatinsanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting the outcome to be different. Sowe have been living insanely with the same pattern of thoughts for years, and then we wonder whyour lives stay the same.The moment we change the way we think, we start to act and relate to others differently. We beginto see things from a different perspective, and in doing so we change our experience of life. Nothingoutside of us has changed but the way we perceive them has. The end result is that we change ourlives.Using the 16 Guidelines, the change we experience is positive, affirming, empowering andmeaningful. 5
  • 6. 7 Hot Tips For Self ImprovementHave you ever imagined that life could be a lot better and more fulfilling than yours is right now? Areyou eager to learn a self improvement technique that will make it so?If you are read on.I am going to lay down 7 simple steps for your self improvement plan. Whether you implement theself improvement steps I give you is your decision alone.Self Improvement Tip 1this tip will seem quite obvious and simple to you, but youll be amazed how few actually take theeffort to do it.Unless youre not a morning person this self improvement tip will drastically change the quality ofyour day towards the positive.Setting you in a good mood to face the day’s challenges and adversities.Get Up Early!This may sound more like a way to ruin your day by putting you in an awful mood, but bear with meon this.To be able to accomplish this and still avoid losing any any precious sleep. You can go to bed just ahalf hour earlier since to start with you only need to get up a half hour earlier than you usually do.To aid this purpose you should definitely use an alarm clock with persistent beeping.You may be wondering by now just what it is that youre supposed to do in this extra half hour whenyou would normally be dozing peacefully in bed and how this has anything to do with selfimprovement.For different people the answer can vary slightly. To start with you need to fully awaken yourself andget rid of early morning sluggishness.To suit this purpose you can take a cold or slightly cool shower. Or you might try doing stretchescombined with deep breathing.You might skip the shower if just splashing cold water on your face is sufficient to wake you. Usewhatever works for you.After youre completely alert step outside of your house, apartment, etc... And if its early enoughand you have a clear view, watch the sunrise.This simple but immensely satisfying act will lift your spirits and help with self improvement. Ifyoure unable to do this, take a brisk walk, jog or run depending upon what you prefer and whatyoure physically capable of.When youve been out for 20 minutes you can head inside and commence with whatever morningritual you normally have. 6
  • 7. Self Improvement Tip 2Now this is extremely important but deceitfully obvious. Eat Breakfast.To start your day out on the right foot and stay in keeping with your self improvement plan this ispractically a necessity. You need the energy this will provide you with to accomplish your daily tasks.If you are overly pressed for time you might try cereal and milk or a few granola bars, even a fewpieces of fresh fruit would do.Any of these are better alternatives than skipping breakfast.This is also a good suggestion for those watching their weight, because if you skip breakfast youremore likely to binge later in the day. And you certainly won’t be helping your self improvement bygaining unwanted weight.Self Improvement Tip 3when you go places, even if you find it a bit difficult at first, smiles more at other people. Just curveyour lips up a bit as you make eye contact with another human being.Its really that simple. This will not only lift your spirits as you see a good many people smile back,but it will lift other peoples as well. Even the ones who are too shy to smile back.Self Improvement Tip 4Dont procrastinate! The more you put something off and something else off, the more all your undesirablechores pile up.Until they become an insurmountable task that would make a paid cleaning crew shudder. In fact takethese chores and work them into your schedule so you will be sure to do them.Self Improvement Tip 5If you dont already keep a schedule or make yourself a to-do list each night, this is your cue to start.A to-do list helps you get things done because it gives you a urgent "must do this today" attitude.It will also help you remember things that you might have otherwise forgotten. You can put things onthem that youre afraid of forgetting, or want to make sure you make time for.Self Improvement Tip 6This is by far the most important self improvement tip I could give you. Forgive and Forget.Either imagined or real slights should always be forgiven. To forget them is to not dwell on them and notremember the angry feelings if you ever look back on that moment.Let me just tell you this: Holding a grudge will not hurt the begrudged as much as it will hurt you andyour personality. As well as your existing relationships. 7
  • 8. If there are any ancient or recent rifts or fights between you and a relative, friend, or spouse that arehurting your relationship or have ended it entirely, make amends.This life is the only life you get, well never know when itll be our or the begrudged persons time to die,and by then it will be too late to say "Im Sorry".So pick up the phone or walk up to that person and apologize, even if it wasnt your fault. This may be thelast chance youll get to make amends.You will be surprised at the feeling youll get after fixing things up between you. As if a burden has beenlifted off your shoulders. This is definitely a step towards self improvement.Self Improvement Tip 7Do something kind for someone else. Today! Not just on a birthday or anniversary, but spontaneously.Buy a rose or other flower for a friend and tell them its just "because". Because they mean a lot to you,and because you care for them.Tell your family and friends that you love them. Offer to help a friend with a chore. Babysit for someoneyou know so they can have a night out.Help teach a young niece/nephew, son/daughter, brother/sister, etc.... how to read or do some other"grownup" thing.The list of things you can do is endless, and Im sure you can procure some ideas of your own on thesubject.Now for your convenience Ive summed up all seven self improvement tips:1. Get up early and jog or watch sunrise2. Eat breakfast3. Smile at strangers when you make eye contact4. Dont procrastinate5. Keep a schedule or To-Do list6. Forgive others and Forgive past wrongs7. Do something for someone else BUILDING A PLEASING PERSONALITYNapoleon Hill describes a pleasing personality as the personality that attracts. He says that “yourpersonality is the sum total of your own characteristics and appearances that distinguish you 8
  • 9. from all others. The clothes you wear, the lines in your face, the tone of your voice, the thoughtsyou think, the character you have developed by those thoughts – all constitute part of yourpersonality.”The factors of a pleasing personality are listed below: 1. Positive mental attitude 2. Tolerance 3. Alertness 4. Common courtesy 5. A fondness of people 6. Flexibility 7. Tactfulness 8. Personal magnetism 9. A pleasant tone of voice 10. Control of facial expressions 11. Sportsmanship 12. Sincerity 13. Sense of humor 14. Humility of the heart 15. Smiling 16. Enthusiasm 17. Control of temper and emotions 18. Patience 19. Proper dressBuilding Self-ConfidenceSelf-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle tofind it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: People who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to becomesuccessful.After all, most people are reluctant to back a project thats being pitched by someone who was nervous,fumbling and overly apologetic. 9
  • 10. On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her headhigh, who answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.Self-confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, theircustomers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working onyour own self-confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!So how confident do you seem to others?Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how youspeak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior withbehavior associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself andpeople around you? Self-Confident Low Self-ConfidenceDoing what you believe to be right, even if others Governing your behavior based on what other peoplemock or criticize you for it. think.Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile toStaying in your comfort zone, fearing failure and soachieve better things. avoid taking risks.Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them. Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.Waiting for others to congratulate you on your Extolling your own virtues as often as possible to asaccomplishments. many people as possible.Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh thatworked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you prospectus was nothing really, anyone could haverecognize my efforts.” done it.”As you can see from these examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifestsitself as negativity. Self-confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves andtheir abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full.What is Self-Confidence?Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skillsand achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hardin a particular area, well succeed; and its this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficultchallenges, and persist in the face of setbacks. 10
  • 11. This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem, which is a more general sense that we can cope with whatsgoing on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that thepeople around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes fromthe sense that we are behaving virtuously, that were competent at what we do, and that we can competesuccessfully when we put our minds to it.Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking. At MindTools, we believe that theres some truth in this, but that its just as important to build self-confidence bysetting and achieving goals – thereby building competence. Without this underlying competence, youdont have self-confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of the issues, upset and failure thatthis brings.Building Self-ConfidenceSo how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or 5-minute solution.The good news is that building self-confidence is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focusand determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!So here are our three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use the metaphor of a journey: preparing foryour journey; setting out; and accelerating towards success.Step 1: Preparing for Your JourneyThe first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to self-confidence. You need to take stockof where you are, think about where you want to go, get yourself in the right mindset for your journey, andcommit yourself to starting it and staying with it.In preparing for your journey, do these five things:Look at what youve already achieved:Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things youve achieved in an "Achievement Log."Perhaps you came top in an important test or exam, played a key role in an important team, produced thebest sales figures in a period, did something that made a key difference in someone else’s life, or delivereda project that meant a lot for your business.Put these into a smartly formatted document, which you can look at often. And then spend a few minuteseach week enjoying the success you’ve already had!Think about your strengths: 11
  • 12. Next, use a technique like SWOT Analysis (explore personal SWOT Analysis here) to take a look at whoand where you are. Looking at your Achievement Log, and reflecting on your recent life, think about whatyour friends would consider to be your strengths and weaknesses. From these, think about theopportunities and threats you face.Make sure that you enjoy a few minutes reflecting on your strengths!Think about whats important to you, and where you want to go:Next, think about the things that are really important to you, and what you want to achieve with your life.Setting and achieving goals is a key part of this, and real self-confidence comes from this. Goal setting isthe process you use to set yourself targets, and measure your successful hitting of those targets. See ourarticle on goal setting to find out how to use this important technique, or use our Life Plan Workbook tothink through your own goals in detail (see "Tip" below).Inform your goal setting with your SWOT Analysis. Set goals that exploit your strengths, minimize yourweaknesses, realize your opportunities, and control the threats you face.And having set the major goals in your life, identify the first step in each. A tip: Make sure it’s a verysmall step, perhaps taking no more than an hour to complete!Start managing your mind:At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. Learn to pick up and defeat the negative self-talkwhich can destroy your confidence. See our article on rational positive thinking to find out how to do this.Further useful reading includes our article on imagery – this teaches you how to use and create strongmental images of what you’ll feel and experience as you achieve your major goals – there’s somethingabout doing this that makes even major goals seem achievable!And then commit yourself to success!The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and unequivocal promise to yourself that youare absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power to achieve it.If as you’re doing it, you find doubts starting to surface, write them down and challenge them calmly andrationally. If they dissolve under scrutiny, that’s great. However if they are based on genuine risks, makesure you set additional goals to manage these appropriately. For help with evaluating and managing therisks you face, read our Risk Analysis and Management article.Either way, make that promise!Tip: Balanced Self-ConfidenceSelf-confidence is about balance. At one extreme, we have people with low self-confidence. At the otherend, we have people who may be over-confident. 12
  • 13. If you are under-confident, you’ll avoid taking risks and stretching yourself; and you might not try at all.And if you’re over-confident, you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond your capabilities,and crash badly. You may also find that you’re so optimistic that you don’t try hard enough to trulysucceed.Getting this right is a matter of having the right amount of confidence, founded in reality and on your trueability. With the right amount of self-confidence, you will take informed risks, stretch yourself (but notbeyond your abilities) and try hard.So How Self Confident Are You? Take our short quiz to find out how self-confident you are already, andstart looking at specific strategies to improve your confidence level.Step 2: Setting OutThis is where you start, ever so slowly, moving towards your goal. By doing the right things, and startingwith small, easy wins, you’ll put yourself on the path to success – and start building the self-confidencethat comes with this.Build the knowledge you need to succeed:Looking at your goals, identify the skills you’ll need to achieve them. And then look at how you canacquire these skills confidently and well. Don’t just accept a sketchy, just-good-enough solution – look fora solution, a program or a course that fully equips you to achieve what you want to achieve and, ideally,gives you a certificate or qualification you can be proud of.Focus on the basics:When you’re starting, don’t try to do anything clever or elaborate. And don’t reach for perfection – justenjoy doing simple things successfully and well.Set small goals, and achieve them:Starting with the very small goals you identified in step 1, get in the habit of setting them, achieving them,and celebrating that achievement. Don’t make goals particularly challenging at this stage, just get into thehabit of achieving them and celebrating them. And, little by little, start piling up the successes!Keep managing your mind:Stay on top of that positive thinking, keep celebrating and enjoying success, and keep those mental imagesstrong. You can also use a technique like Treasure Mapping to make your visualizations even stronger!And on the other side, learn to handle failure. Accept that mistakes happen when you’re trying somethingnew. In fact, if you get into the habit of treating mistakes as learning experiences, you can (almost) start tosee them in a positive light. After all, there’s a lot to be said for the saying “if it doesn’t kill you, it makesyou stronger!”Step 3: Accelerating Towards Success 13
  • 14. By this stage, you’ll feel your self-confidence building. You’ll have completed some of the courses youstarted in step 2, and you’ll have plenty of success to celebrate!This is the time to start stretching yourself. Make the goals a bit bigger, and the challenges a bit tougher.Increase the size of your commitment. And extend the skills you’ve proven into new, but closely relatedarenas.Tip 1:Keep yourself grounded – this is where people tend to get over-confident and over-stretch themselves.And make sure you don’t start enjoying cleverness for its own sake…Tip 2:If you havent already looked at it, use our How Self Confident Are You? quiz to find out how self-confident you are, and to identify specific strategies for building self-confidence.As long as you keep on stretching yourself enough, but not too much, youll find your self-confidencebuilding apace. Whats more, youll have earned your self-confidence – because you’ll have put in the hardgraft necessary to be successful!Goal setting is arguably the most important skill you can learn to improve your self-confidence. If youhavent already read and applied our goal setting article, you can read it here.10 Ways to Instantly Build Self ConfidenceSelf confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Yourperception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — themore self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number ofthings you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mentaledge you need to reach your potential.Build Self Confidence1. Dress SharpAlthough clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is moreconscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way youcarry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personalappearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently,wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much,buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality 14
  • 15. items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in stylelonger than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.2. Walk FasterOne of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired?painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go,people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your selfconfidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel moreimportant.3. Good PostureSimilarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargicmovements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and theydon’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel moreconfident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impressionon others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.4. Personal CommercialOne of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately,opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating apersonal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite itin front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.5. GratitudeWhen you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leadsyou to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Setaside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes,unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have goingfor you and motivated to take that next step towards success.6. Compliment other peopleWhen we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insultsand gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage inbackstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll becomewell liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best inyourself.7. Sit in the front rowIn schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back ofthe room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of selfconfidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your selfconfidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room. 15
  • 16. 8. Speak upDuring group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge themfor saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more acceptingthan we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speakup at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in yourown thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.9. Work outAlong the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. Ifyou’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improveyour physcial appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline towork out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of theday.10. Focus on contributionToo often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on theneeds of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’remaking to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase selfconfidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the worldthe more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes youashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, or friends at school. Whatever ismaking you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You canalso tear these written pieces to start feeling positive on those points.a Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away atit; wear it down. Theres no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that youneed to resolve each issue before you can move on. And that doesnt mean you have to get rid of whatevermakes you feel bad (many times, you simply cant). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, yourcircumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad".c 3Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point inany of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down theroad.r 4Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, thenfocus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for yoursuccesses. Inferiority is a state of mind in which youve declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourselfto be victimized. Express yourself, whether its through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy.Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If its difficult to nametwo or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you 16
  • 17. would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When youre following yourpassion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but youll feel unique and accomplished, all of whichcan help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make youmore confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!m 5Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is afeeling of not having enough of something, whether its emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. Byacknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete andunsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.u 6Be Positive, even if you dont feel the same way. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others.Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loatheand belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself,about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities toothers. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positivedirection.d 7Accept compliments gracefully. Dont roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it toheart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well). 8Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding whats called the "facial feedback theory" suggestthat the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So bylooking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident inthe long run.Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actuallymake you believe it. Pretend youre a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and seehow you feel!h Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you dont have something you can believe in, youdont have anything. If you dont stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter whatshappened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, youve followedyour principles to the best of your ability.y 11Help others. When you know youre kind to the people around you, and are making a positive differencein other peoples lives (even if its just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning),youll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Justrecognizing who or what youre like inside will help you become that on the outside. Exercise helps youbuild strength and confidence, increases libido, and has many other positive effects.b 12Always keep a smile on your face, that will build a lot of self-confidenceA 13Share your knowledge & your experience with others 17