Hellooo! Time for some more of this nonsense.
So we are officially finished with Generation One now that darling little „Orrible has
graduated university and returned home, hurray! He‟s brought with him his
favouritest and most willing of his many girlfriends, Liz Fuchs.
So what does Evil Susan think of the matter?
“Oh damn, what are you doing back? I thought I‟d packed you off for good!”
“Nice to see you too, Mum. But it‟s been four years – you must have missed me a
just a –leeetle- bit?”
“Ah well. Anyway, there‟s someone I want you to meet.”
“Is it the purveyor of annoying smiles and perkiness by any chance?”
“Mum – this is Liz.”
“Good morning Mrs. Nightmare, it is such a pleasure to meet you! My name is
Elizabeth and it‟s an honour to have been welcomed into your home with such
good hearts. As a true Riverblossom girl, I will do my best to uphold your high
standards of green living.”
“And in my spare time I shall also be woohooing your son!”
“Oh! Well, isn‟t that just.. Great.”
“You think? Oh Mrs. Nightmare, I can tell we‟re going to get along just SUPERLY!
May I start by showing you my plans for a garden extension? My mother has
always said that that is such a good way to get to know people, and we need to
make sure our ideas don‟t mesh of course!”
“Bored now. Brat, you may take this thing back where you found it – I can‟t say I
care very much for it.”
“Oh, but I-”
“Be gone from my sight, barrow-wench.”
“Haha, oh I see! Great joke Mrs. Nightmare. You really had me going there!” the girl
laughed nervously and reached out her hand to lightly punch her boyfriend‟s
mother on the arm.
“..Are you touching Evil Susan?”
“Don‟t you dare touch me ever again soil-slave, I am Evil Susan! You don‟t go
around accusing Evil Susan of joking and then have the nerve to poke me in the
“Am a worthless piece of fag-end carrot? Yes. Yes you are.”
Crossing his fingers that his mother didn‟t decapitate Liz in the next five seconds,
„Orrible quickly nipped upstairs to search for a job.
His only shot at reaching his LTW of Celebrity Chef is to land a Culinary job today,
or at the very least before Generation Two is born as this generation we‟re not
allowed any promotions for the base game bonus.
The everburning tree burned in helpful encouragement - but alas it was not to be,
and „Orrible shall remian unemployed.
After the contents of the kitchen had been thrown at her head by ES, Liz decided to
try her luck with Shea instead. As a fellow Riverblossom resident she was sure he
“You are from the Johnson family, is that correct Mr. Nightmare?”
“Oh, once upon a time..”
“But your family won the best hamper display at the County Fair for 49 years in a
row! You must be so proud, I do hope that we can carry on that tradition here? It
would be such a privilege to help out!”
“That‟s sweet Liz, bu-ut.. I don‟t really fly that way. Never did. That‟s why I settled
down with ES, so we could avoid all that trash together! And boy, is it awesome.”
“But we live in RIVERBLOSSOM HILLS! That‟s what we DO!”
“Sorry Liz, I think you‟re going to need to forget about all of that while you are here.
„Orrible might be okay with it, but while ES and I are here – none of that happen on
our land, gottit?”
“Orrible, I don‟t think your parents like me very much.”
“Don‟t take it personally Liz.”
“But how can I not? They stomped all over me and everything I‟ve been brought up
“Really, don‟t worry your lovely little head about it – especially from Mum. She
hates everyone and loathes Riverblossom to a greater extent than you do the use
“Besides. I like you.
And if they don‟t, then there‟s more time to have you aaaaall to myself.”
“Is this bed magic too, „Oribble?”
“Yes, much thank you. „Orrible, I was thinking..”
“You had time to think during that?”
“Shh! But listen, I may have only been here a day but it doesn‟t take a fool to
realise that your household is far from traditional.”
“Heh, just a tad.”
“So even though this isn‟t the traditional way around to do these sort of things..”
“Liz? What on earth are you doing? Get off the floor, you could get splinters in your
“You‟d kiss them better. Anyway, I was waiting for you to ask me, but it seems like
you‟re being a bit slow, so -
“‟Orrible Nightmare, will you marry me?”
“Oh. Well that wasn‟t quite the reaction I was expecting..”
“No no, it‟s just – are you sure Liz?”
“Just take the ring „Orrible.”
“Well it is pretty shiny..”
“Mined from the wreckage of Bluewater, the explosions there left some pretty
awesome rocks behind.”
“Well then I accept! Can‟t say I‟ve ever really thought about getting married before,
but I think that doing it with you Liz wouldn‟t be bad at all.”
“So that‟s a yes?”
Don‟t let this fool you.
Thems be Shea‟s aspiration points for sure.
“And so the twitty-farmer started crying „Oh nooooo, not my aubergines!‟ but I just
looked at him, reminded him who I was, and took that pneumatic drill right though
“Mum, please not in front of Liz..” „Orrible hissed.
“Who? But I don‟t know what I enjoyed more, the tears on his face or the splattered
marrow on the mangled corpse of his tractor.”
“Those both sound excellent, but I have some news Mum!”
“I‟M GETTING MARRIED! Isn‟t that wonderful?”
“ARGH, lemme go! Just because I‟m an old woman doesn‟t suddenly mean you
have the right to HUG ME. I‟m Evil Susan!”
“Sorry, sorry. But I‟m just really happy!”
“About what, you freak?”
“Love you too, Mum.” he smiled.
“Oh „Orrible, these chairs are gorgeous.. I love the sweet little balloons!”
“I know right? What some looking sweet into the camera won‟t do to some people‟s
wallets. But leave the chair alone Liz, the sooner we‟re married the sooner the rest
of the party starts!”
“And your parties are full of kissing, if I remember rightly from college.”
“Right on, Red.”
“Useless frammin‟ waste of money.. You feed them, you put them in rags and then
you ship „em off.. So what happens? They come back and demand MORE crap.
I hate this place. Just as well there‟s this nice cheese thing, NOT that I like it or
Well I do. Not grilled cheese in itself (ick) but this lovely buffet table that serves
nothing but it from MTS2! How handy.
“Stop it, „Orrible! Service! Guests! You‟ve got to do all of that first!”
Sniggers from behind them told „Orrible that it was probably a good idea to listen to
his fiancée and get on with the ceremony. But not before shouting at his guests that
if they were going to laugh then they‟d better sit down to do it.
But apparently they weren‟t keen on listening, even after both „Orrible and Liz spun
into their formal wear.
“What‟s the point? It‟s just going to be the same old recycled sweet type of vows
Gin uses at every wedding.”
“Heck I didn‟t even get a proper wedding!” moaned Blight. “I was just told to shove
the ring on Gretchin‟s finger in the kitchen and get on with babies. So you‟d
probably better watch this one Dad, it might well be the only one we‟ll see.”
“Good point.” Shea decided, and headed off to find a sweet little ballooony chair.
“That‟s right farm girl, go swoon over my son!”
“Oh „Orrible, I may be but a simple girl from the fields of Riverblossom, but never in
my wildest dreams of watermelons did I think I would get to marry someone as
lovely as you!”
“Aww, Liz! I-”
“Did I miss anything? Oh please tell me I managed to miss it all..” asked the mother
of the groom, finally deciding she might as well come and watch the wedding to
pass the time until cheese.
“Afraid not ES, sadly you‟ve made it just in time.”
“OH ARSE BADGERS.”
But „Orrible was completely ignoring his parents and busy staring into his new
wife‟s eyes full of goo and love and all those sweet things he is more than capable
“I love you so much, Liz Nightmare! If I was ever going to get married, it would
have to be to you.”
“I know, sweetie.”
So we have the Generation One spouse!
Elizabeth Fuchs Nightmare
Aquarius 4 4 4 7 6
LTW – Graduate 3 children from collage
Love for „Oribble - HUGE
“Thank goat for that, now he‟s one step closer to never having to speak to me ever
Of this, I approve.”
You see my dears?
He really likes her.
For I would have nothing less for my little „Orrible
His brother Blight‟s wife on this other hand, he is not so keen on.
“All I‟m saying is that it seems terribly unfair that you got ALL these sweet little
balloony chairs and arches, and we got NOTHING! I pop out a kid and then we get
completely left alone, when does that give me time to skill I ask you? I need to
“*Yawn* What is this skilling you speak of exactly?”
Thankfully the rest of the guests were quite happy actually enjoying the festivities
and not being killjoys. Somehow Burns had persuaded her streaker boyfriend to
come fully clothed, but everyone was rather relieved about that. Except me, I would
quite liked to have seen Evil Susan‟s face!
“Yay my brother married my best friend!”
“Yay I can go home soon and get naked!”
“Yay got to go rescue my wife from talk of skills!”
“.. I love my strange children and their families.” Shea sighed happily.
Um, excuse me..
YOU USED TO LIVE HERE SO YOU WELL KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT
“Yeah, but the parrot‟s not watching.. He‟s busy trying to peck Alec‟s eyes out for
swinging his shirt around over his head.”
Just so long as you know that your parents will be coming over to have words with
you about this.
“Fine fine. STEALING EHEHEHEHE!”
(Yes, ES did go over that evening to steal him back and whack her daughter on the
“Well congrats little brother, I wasn‟t sure if you had it in you. But Liz seems like a
“Thanks Blight! She really is.”
“Well, let‟s hope she likes cheese and manages to stay out of Mum‟s way. But I
know my daughter‟s looking forward to having some little cousins to play with, so..”
“It‟s funny actually. I think I really want some kidlets around the place, quite a few
actually! It‟d be nice, and then I‟d have even more people to love! It‟s not the same
without having you, Burns and Occult all over the place. Hey, what is Alec actually
doing over there, he‟s-”
“It‟s best not to watch them, little brother.”
Despite the streaker‟s inevitable slow and constant removal of clothes, and ES‟s
insistence that she‟d put slugs in everyone‟s sandwiches the next time anyone
mentioned fertilizer, „Orrible‟s wedding was actually a roof raising success!
Personally I like to think it‟s all down to the new Celebration Stuff decor.
“Could well be. But just this last little bit of sandwich aaaaand.. There. I think it‟s
time for starting on all those lovely babies! And not just because that happens to
mean one thing.”
The following morning, the newlyweds were quite happy to stay snuggled up in bed
for a while.
It was especially snuggly thanks to „Orrible‟s new pyjamas. They‟d been a wedding
present from his Mother‟s strange friend who kept spouting nonsense about
gnomes and flamingos and asking whether he realised that he needed to go and
meet the aliens again to fulfil bonuses. Apparently they‟d been given to her some
crazy thing called Glamour Life Stuff she‟d just gotten, and she‟d known they were
meant for him.
She was weird. But his wife was lovely.
Annoyingly it was eventually time to get up.
“That was quite a nice, my new fangled and sparkly husband! I‟ve worked up quite
an appetite for some of those delicious grilled cheeses that seem to constantly be
lying around your kitchen! True they lack a good layer of greenery, but mmmm are
they something else..”
“Liz! That‟s it!” the new fangled and sparkly husband cried.
“That‟s what you can talk to Mum about! She loves grilled cheese too, it‟s be a
great way for two of my favourite people to get to know each other. C‟mon, let‟s go
and try it.”
“Did someone say you could have that?” snapped Evil Susan upon seeing her
daughter in law happily tucking into the cheesy goodness.
“Oh, I made it myself! Nothing like a good grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast,
wouldn‟t you say Mrs. Nightmare?”
“Do NOT call me that, unless you want you head- Hang on, you‟re able to make
these things by yourself? At any time of day?”
“Oh I am no glad you think so, Mrs. Nightmare! They‟re just so yummy, they
probably wouldn‟t even benefit from a side salad. They‟re just.. Perfect. Don‟t you
“Yeah, but your missing the point Ginger! I don‟t have to make them all throughout
the day anymore, haHA! I am Evil Susan, I don‟t want to waste my valuable time
slaving away over melted brie. – I want YOU to do it.”
“Oh gladly Mrs. Nightmare, gladly!”
“Are my two lovely girls making amends then?” asked a cheery „Orrible, trying to
get past the two of them towards the breakfast cheese.
“ARE YOU STILL HERE?”
After her great success with Evil Susan, Liz attempted to try the same tactic on
“So do you love the grilled cheeses as well, Mr. Nightmare? Or have your
Riverblossom roots come through at last and you prefer them with a few slices of
“To be honest, neither really.”
“Oh, but you must have an opinion!“
“Evil Susan loves them, I love Evil Susan. Therefore I am happy to eat them for
her. When you‟re married to a Nightmare, you seem to need to make certain
sacrifices to keep them happy. You‟ll learn that in time Liz.”
“You mean like only being able to grow four different types of cabbage rather than
the tradition seven? I.. Suppose I could do that.”
“Oh. Well, something like that.”
“So we shall have Colewart, Savoy, Dutch and.. Oh! Red, red cabbage of course.
It‟s so hard to choose, but if that is what I must to for my lovely little „Orrible then in
must be so.
He hasn‟t exactly told me what I want though, so I‟ll just have to guess..”
“Did I hear baby? Hurray, that‟s just what I‟ve always wanted Liz!
Now, how to celebrate such an event.. I think some magic is needed!”
“What the heck do you think you‟re doing, wonky face?”
“The kids are at it outside, it looks fun! But okay, okay..”
“I DIDN‟T SAY STOP!”
I had no idea that you could do this if you were in anyway grilled cheesly inclined!
What fun, I shall have to tell Liz.
Until then, ES has found a new hobby it seems.
“I like my cheese grilled, NOT my paintings! Hasn‟t someone sorted it out yet, both
trees in the garden seem to be constantly on fire now and it‟s very annoying.
I like a good fire, but on other people‟s property. NOT MINE.”
Hey, don‟t mess with the everburning tree.
“Here baby baby.. Daddy can‟t wait to meet you and cover you in kisses, no he
“I have a feeling you‟re not going to have to wait much longer.”
“Really?! That‟s FANTASTIC Liz!”
“Baby‟s on the way now!”
“Already? This is awesome Liz! I‟ve got my kisses all ready, don‟t you worry.”
“Uhuh, that‟s great..”
“Very great indeed!”
Romance Sim my bum..
“It‟s not my fault I want to love my babies.”
No, I suppose not. And that‟s one of the reasons I love you so much dear „Orrible.
“Oh look at her! She‟s as beautiful as the first ear of wheat on an Autumn morning..
But er, I think I need you to hold her for a moment „Orrible.
Oi, come back here! I‟m not done birthing!”
“Hey Mr. Nightmare, sorry to wake you but I really need you to hold this baby. My
husband appears to have taken his kisses and buggered off to have a bath.”
“Muh? Oh, that‟s fine – I quite like having babies anyway.”
“Thanks Mr. Nightmare.”
“Oh, she‟s lovely! I‟m finding it very hard not to think of wheat fields when I see her
“I know, right? But really, please hurry up and take her!”
“Fine fine, but why exactly?”
“There we go! Now that does feel better.”
“Ah, more twins. ES is going to love this..”
Evil Susan may not have been overjoyed to learn that yet another two babies had
joined her family, but „Orrible was thrilled!
“Hello? Hello-o? Little baby, are you awake? Do you need anything? I‟m your
Daddy, and I will get it for you if you need something.
No? Well, okay then?”
“And how about you? Let me jangle this spaceship for you – jingle jingle jingle! Isn‟t
Aww, a yawn! Oh, do it again, that was so cute.. But I guess that means you want
to sleep? Okay then, let Daddy look after that for you.”
“There we go, that‟s better isn‟t it? Nice and comfy.
Well now you‟re all tucked up, there‟s one more tradition left to do.. Night night
kisses from Daddy!”
Yes, „Orrible decided that he definitely liked being a Daddy.
When, and only when, was he completely sure that his two babies were tucked up
and fast asleep could he be persuaded to leave the nursery.
But of course by this time everyone else had gone to bed to get away from his
cooing, so he had to entertain himself.
“Oh wow, I haven‟t been on this thing for ages!
And at least I‟ll always have the everburning tree to keep me company.”
I don‟t remember this thing feeling THIS weird!
I would love to say “and then POOOF! He magically disappeared as the gremlins
took him” but alas that was not the case.
It took a stupidly long time, all night in fact, but by morning they eventually
succumbed to „Orrible‟s charms and POOOF! He magically disappeared as the
gremlins took him.
I sense something marvellous has just happened!
Oh, I‟m back.
Where did I go again?”
“They brought him back?
Oh ARSE BADGERS.
Well, that‟s ruined my day.”
But regardless, now that the family was all back on the same plane of existence it
was time to have an important talk.
“‟Orrible, I have been thinking very hard about what we are to name our daughters,
and I think I have finally come to a conclusion.”
“Yeah, I don‟t think I can keep calling them both “Baby” when they get bigger, it
might be a little strange..”
“Absolutely. Which is why I have decided upon Wheat-Shimmer for the elder and
Sunlight for the younger.”
“Err.. I don‟t think so.”
“Mum? Is there a problem?”
“Just a small one, you useless child. And it is just that, all children are useless and
should thus be named so. I have already decided upon fitting names for the two
little mistakes, and seeing as I am Evil Susan – my word is law.”
“Oh. Um, okay.
So, what are our daughters called?”
“Well that first one is a prime example of just how draining children can be on all
the wealth I’ve worked for in this world. She is nothing but a leech!”
Leech is a little blonde haired brown eyed girly, with Liz‟s S3.
She‟s also going to be the Bad Apple of Generation Two because hey, I thought I
may as well get started early this time!
“And the other is just as pointless. No more use to the world than a louse just
waiting to be crushed, it’s probably best to just leave it under a rock now and be
done with it.”
The younger of the twin girls, Louse, has Liz‟s red hair and brown eyes with S2.
She‟s this Generation‟s Bug Nut because.. C‟mon, her name is Louse! Therefore
she must find her kin.
I would say more yay, but.. BLUH.”
“Guess what Mum, I‟M have a baby! Not Liz, but me! Isn‟t that cool?”
“No it‟s unholy and unnatural and I find it totally disturbing.”
“Oh don‟t be so negative! At least you‟ll have another Grandchild.”
“I can hardly contain my excitement, you waste of space. Now go roll in a bush or
something, and just call me when you start screaming through the pain of
childbirth. Now THAT I would like to see!”
“So what do you make of this business of the moron being pregnant, annoying leaf-
“If it makes him happy. He tells me there was no magic bed fun to during his
conception of child, so I‟m reading up on nourishing vegetable soup recipes to
ease the pain and confusion on his lovely little face.”
“How incredibly boring. Come Lump-nose, I wish to do the Naked Dance of Evil.”
“You seemed very mournful throughout that Silly Name, I would expect better from
you. You did not even joke when the odd highlander in the kilt started banging on
the window and waving his pitchfork.”
“Sorry ES, gotta say that things are preying on my thoughts.”
“You mean to say you actually have thoughts of your own. Well I am surprised, in
“I love you ES, so much!” he cried, and grabbed his wife into a kiss.
“I know you don‟t like me to say, but I do. Thank you for coming to this awful place
and rescuing me. I REALLY love you.”
“What the heck was all that about?! I can‟t say I particularly enjoyed being
manhandled without my express say so. There had better be a good explanation
“Oh, there is. I‟m going to miss you ES.”
“Miss me? You mean you‟re leaving? Um.. Well.. GOOD! I don‟t enjoy having to
look at your face. Because, er..”
“MUMMY! Oh Mum, you can‟t go, you haven‟t even kissed the girls goodbye. Or
me! Please, I need a kiss goodbye..”
“Not NOW child demon! I have far more important things to attend to.
Hello Grandfather.” she said, turning to the clocked figure that had entered the
I AM NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER. HE IS OTHERWISE ENGAGED IN
STRANGETOWN, IT IS A FULL TIME GIG OVER THERE YOU SEE – IT IS I
INSTEAD WHO TAKES CARE OF THE OTHER REALMS.
“Really? Well that figures, he would know better than to come and see me wearing
a bunch of posies. So, what is you need?”
IT IS TIME YOU CAME WITH ME.
“Not it‟s not, how am I meant to set werewolves on the new Doggy-Delights Dog
and Deer Park? I don‟t have time to go on treks with my Grandfather‟s lackies – try
another time, bub.”
NO. EVIL SUSAN – YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE.
“I‟m sorry, but WHAT?! There must be some mistake, I‟m Evil Susan! I don‟t die!”
I AM AFRAID THAT YOU DO.
“Oh ES..” Shea sobbed behind them, “I wish you didn‟t. You don‟t deserve to..”
“Yeah! Listen to Stupid-Name-Lump-Face-Wonky-Nose!” she cried, “he‟s got the
right idea for once!”
“Look, I don‟t want to die, I want to go HOME! Home is not the afterlife! I thought I
was already in Hell anyway in this place.”
NO, AND RIVERBLOSSOM IS A HAVEN – YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE
BUT IF YOU DIE, THEN YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO GOING BACK TO
“Well that‟s the stupidest thing I‟ve ever heard!”
ONLY AFTER THREE GENERATIONS OF CHILDREN CAN YOU LEAVE, AND
SO I‟M GIVING YOU A REPRIVE. YOU DON‟T REALLY WANT TO WATCH THEM
ALL GROW UP AND RAISE THEM YOURSELF DO YOU?
“Hell no I don‟t!
I‟ll take that offer then – see you later you twits, YOU‟RE the ones stuck with the
kids and the endless supply of gardening puns now! HA.
I am Evil Susan, and I am getting out of here!”
Oh deary me ES, sorry about that.. But it was necessary! And you‟re in the afterlife
for the time being, so you can‟t hurt me.
Stats because it‟s tradition! „Member these are her randomly rolled Riverblossom
ones, not her actual Strangetown ones.
Evil Susan Nightmare – lived 78 days
Leo 4 10 4 4 3
Fortune – Become City Planner, DONE with many explosives
Children: Blight, Burns, Occult „Orrible
Grandchildren (so far): Honey (Blight‟s daughter), Leech, Louse
Evil Susan, you were.. Evil Susan. What else could I possibly say?
And on that cheery note, I think I shall stop for now!
So Evil Susan is dead, but her spirit can‟t return home until we‟re done here in
Riverblossom. You got that boys?
“Sniffle cry cry WAAAAAAAAA!”
Exactly. See you next time!