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How To Get Along With Others


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Study in the Gospel of Mark

Study in the Gospel of Mark

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  • This lesson based upon an article in the September 19, 2002 issue of Truth Magazine Powerpoint prepared by Stan Cox I Don’t Mean to Gossip, But… Kevin Maxey
  • Transcript

    • 1. How To Get Along With Others Mark 8:34-10:31 1-24-10
    • 2. Tonto and the Lone Ranger were riding through a canyon together when all of a sudden both sides were filled with Native American warriors on horses, dressed for battle. The Lone Rangers asks, "What are we going to do Tonto?" What do you mean we, white man!
    • 3. other people! Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher
      • It is clear that some people are more offensive than others. It seems that either they don’t care or they don’t know what they are doing.
      • We are all human and human and therefore have basic emotional needs that can be transgressed by other human beings.
      • Harsh truth of life : You can’t please everybody. But since people are social creatures (unless you’re a total scrooge), you just have to learn how to get along.
    • 4. Where we are now.
      • As a society have we lost our manners and put our own ego above the feelings and concerns of others?
      • Courtesy, respect, and dignity are timeless Christian values we should cultivate in our lives and in the interactions we have with others.
    • 5. Why This Is Important
      • Good relationships make life more pleasant and are more productive.
      • It is easy to learn basic skills and theory but much harder to learn the grownup, adult task, of learning to get along with others.
    • 6.
      • ‘ In everything do to others as you would have them do to you.’ The Bible. Matthew 7:12 (Luke 6:31)
      • The Golden rule is about love for our neighbor.
    • 7. Even Christians can be cantankerous (sermon by Eugene Peterson, Keep Believing Ministries )
      • How do you get along with cantankerous Christians? The answer is, it’s not easy. Cantankerous Christians are both different and difficult to live with. The problem is simply that people are different….there is a surprising diversity in the congregation. We are old and young, wealthy and not-so-wealthy, from Chicago and from distant states and other nations, from different church backgrounds, and embracing a variety of views on the issues of the day. Like Baskin Robbins, our church members come in at least 32 flavors—and the flavors change weekly.
    • 8. Getting along with cantankerous Christians (sermon by Eugene Peterson)
      • If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
    • 9. Getting along in God’s kingdom
      • One of the key traits God desires in his children is the ability to live in community with other believers within God’s kingdom and in harmony with people outside God’s kingdom.
      • Relationships are central to God’s kingdom, so that even greatness in the kingdom is measured in terms of service to others.
    • 10. We are admonished to get along
      • In everything do to others as you would have them do to you. (Matthew 7:12)
      • Forgive, if you have anything against anyone. (Mark 11:25)
      • Love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbor. (Romans 13:9,10)
      • He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness. (Micah 6:8)
      • And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples. (John 13:34,35)
      • Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse; but, on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called - that you might inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:8-9)
    • 11. Basic Emotional Needs
      • We all have basic emotional needs. To feel happy our needs have to be met.
      • Emotional needs include:
      • The need for safety and security
      • The need to give and receive attention
      • The need for a sense of status
      • The need for purpose and goals
      • The need for physical wellbeing
      • The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves community, ideals, beliefs etc.
      • The need for intimacy
      • The need to be stimulated and stretched (but not stressed)
      • The need for a sense of control.
    • 12. Show others you care (Mark 9:33-37)
      • Jesus became aware that the disciplines were arguing (over who was the greatest among them).
      • Jesus “sat down,” which was the sign of a rabbinic teaching moment and called the Twelve to himself.
      • Jesus’ corrective to the disciples’ argument was the principle that the “first,” or most important in the kingdom, was the one who was “last,” or the servant of all.
      • Life in God’s kingdom focused on serving others, not being served.
    • 13. Jesus even placed importance on serving children
      • Jesus said in Mark 10:45, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” So Jesus explained his ministry on earth and especially his passion on the cross as service to mankind.
      • It soon would be evident to the disciples that Jesus had established a standard of kingdom service no one ever could surpass.
      • Jesus’ followers would be inspired by his selfless service to serve and care for others.
      • Jesus took a child and declared that welcoming a child was indicative of the type of service Jesus sought.
      Jesus welcomed children. This was a new approach in a society where children were usually treated as second-class citizens.
    • 14. Sacrifice for others’ sake (Mark 9:42-43, 47-48)
      • Wielding proper influence is an important factor in God’s Kingdom. Likewise, wrongful influence strongly is condemned. The term “little ones” refers to the same people as the word “child” in verse 36 and “children” in verse 37. These people are weak, immature and also could refer by extension to new believers. To cause these to sin would expose one to serious judgment. The point is that God’s followers should be leading people away from sin, not into sin.
      • Those who are young or new to Christ’s kingdom have no defenses against an apparent brother or sister in Christ who should be trusted, but in fact is teaching them how to mix sin with their new faith.
    • 15. How To Get Along With Others . . Multiply Humility. 9:33-37
      • A.   Multiply Humility; Do Not Seek To Be . . Placing Yourself In Prominence. 9:33-35
      •         33 Then they came to Capernaum. When He was in the house, He asked them, "What were you arguing
      •         about on the way?" 34 But they were silent, because on the way they had been arguing with one another
      •         about who was the greatest. 35 Sitting down, He called the Twelve and said to them, "If anyone wants to
      •         be first, he must be last of all and servant of all."
      •         B.   Multiply Humility; Seek To . . Project Others Into Prominence. 9:36-37
      • 36 Then He took a child, had him stand among them, and taking him in His arms, He said to them,
      •         37 "Whoever welcomes one little child such as this in My name welcomes Me. And whoever welcomes
      •         Me does not welcome Me, but Him who sent Me."
    • 16. How To Get Along With Others; Magnify All Who Proclaim Jesus. 9:38-43
      • A.   Magnify Jesus With Those Who . Speak Well Of Jesus. 9:38-39
      •             38 John said to Him, "Teacher, we saw someone driving out demons in Your name, and we tried to stop  him because he wasn't following us." 39 "Don't stop him," said Jesus, "because there is no one who will
      •         perform a miracle in My name who can soon afterwards speak evil of Me.
      • B.   Magnify Jesus With Those Who . . Serve In The Name Of Jesus. 9:40-41
      • 40 For whoever is not against us is for us. 41 And whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because of My  name, since you belong to the Messiah — I assure you: He will never lose his reward.
      • C    Magnify Jesus With Those Who . Share An Emphasis Of Influence For Jesus. 9:42-43
      •         42 "But whoever causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in Me — it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. 43 And if your hand
      •         causes your downfall, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than to have two hands and go to hell — the unquenchable fire,
      See Others as Coworkers
    • 17. How To Get Along With Others . . Magnify All Who Proclaim Jesus. 9:38-43
      • If others speak well of Jesus and try to minister in His name, we should applaud them and try to work with them.
      • Don’t compromise doctrine in order to have fellowship with someone of a different belief BUT if they speak well of Jesus and the way of salvation, they are brothers in Christ.
      • Respect persons of different doctrine on lesser matters, but do not compromise about salvation.
      • Reward from Jesus comes from a proper exultation of His name.
    • 18. How To Get Along With Others . . Manage Your Influence For Jesus. 9:47-50
      • A.  Manage Your Influence For Jesus . . Sacrifice Personal Allurements. 9:47
      •         47 And if your eye causes your downfall, gouge it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with
      •         one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell,
      • B.   Manage Your Influence For Jesus . . Seek The Salt Jesus Gives. 9:48-50
      • 48 where Their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched. 49 For everyone will be salted with fire. 50 Salt is good, but if the salt should lose its flavor, how can you make it salty? Have salt among yourselves and be at peace with one another." HCSB
    • 19. Season others’ lives (Mark 9:49-50) In verses 43 and 48, fire is a symbol of punishment. But in verse 49, the purifying aspect of fire is in view. So Jesus’ followers will be “salted” with fire, purified from sin and unrighteousness so that they will not be consumed by the deadly fires of punishment. In turn Christ’s followers are to become salt in other people’s lives . The preservative quality of salt is in view in verse 50. Believers are to serve others in such a way that their lives are preserved, or in other words, nonbelievers are to be led into Christ’s kingdom.
    • 20. The salt of ancient Israel was extracted from the waters of the Dead Sea by blockading the shallow south end and harvesting the salt left behind after the water had evaporated. The substance left behind was not pure salt, however. The impurities in the salt, combined with humidity, would eventually leach the salt out of the salt compound. Thus salt could lose its taste. This trait of salt presented a rich image to Jesus who warned about the dangers of his followers losing their effectiveness (or saltiness). Christ’s people are meant to be effective in their service, but if they lose their effectiveness, what good are they to Christ’s kingdom? The corrective then was for Christ’s followers to be ever aware of their effectiveness in service in Christ’s kingdom.
    • 21. 8 Ways to Improve Your People Skills
      • Interpersonal skills are critical at work, in the home, at church and around your neighborhood. Practice these time-honored and battle-tested skills to improve your effectiveness as you minister to the adults in your church family.
      • Interpersonal skills effect your witness.
      • From “Management by Proverbs,” by Michael Zigarelli
    • 22.
      • Don’t complain People tend to react negatively to toxic talk. Instead, offer potential solutions when you identify problems. Or, say nothing at all.
      "Do everything without grumbling and arguing." Phil 2:14 (HCSB)
    • 23.  
    • 24.  
    • 25. Smiling (Show optimism)
      • Does your expression tell the world to leave you alone or that you’re friendly and approachable? Practice smiling and watch how others respond.
      • Perhaps the easiest way to introduce yourself, smiling is part of us being human. There’s a great reason why it takes less muscles to smile than to frown. Nature just intended us to smile more.
      • "Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men." Eph. 6:7 (HCSB)
    • 26. Smiling (Show optimism)
      • People like to be around others who are optimistic and who can laugh and smile.
      • Becoming one of those persons will make you more attractive as a friend, family member, colleague, and professional.
    • 27. Listen! Listen! Listen! Anyone can talk but few can listen. Really listen. Learn to become a good listener. Few people are.
    • 28.
      • 1. Listen closely and actively 2. Don’t rush to make your own statement.
      • 3. Make an effort to look into the eyes of the person who is talking and really listen to everything that’s being said to you. 4. Concentrate on the person’s words rather than your response.
      • 5. If there is the potential for disagreement or misunderstanding, paraphrase what you think was said.
      • 6. Be patient and briefly summarize his or her concerns, points, or ramblings before you share your opinion.
      • "A wise man will listen and increase his learning, and a discerning man will obtain guidance." Prov. 1:5 (HCSB)
    • 29. Try to say one nice thing to someone every day
      • 4. Praise others
      • Praise their work, complement their taste in clothing or home, or just offer a warm smile that says: you are important!
      • Acknowledge when people are working hard, doing a great job, and contributing. Express that who they are and what they do has genuine value. Practice this with your spouse, employees, friends, pastor, and the adults you lead. Be an encourager and an affirmer.
      • "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…" 1 Thess 5:11a (HCSB)
    • 30.  
    • 31.  
    • 32. When you benefit from someone’s effort or work let them know that you appreciate it. Make a habit of expressing gratitude to the people around you.
    • 33. "Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:18 (HCSB)
    • 34.
      • 6. Talk about others’ interests Rather than hoping for opportunities to tell people how great you are, set yourself aside and become interested in those around you. People love to talk about their interests, so give them the opportunity to do so.
      • "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth - a stranger, and not your own lips." Prov. 27:2
    • 35.
      • We find creative ways to hide the fact that we’ve forgotten names. Dale Carnegie said, "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." Do whatever it takes to make that sweet sound. You will make them feel special and memorable.
      • "Your name is perfume poured out…" Song 1:3 (HCSB)
    • 36. Words are powerful, but more treasured than words are a sincere sacrifice of time or money on your part. So get in the habit of identifying and meeting people’s needs and putting them ahead of your own.
    • 37. "No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 (HCSB)
    • 38. Other good advice
      • Greet people: Greet people. A warm “hello” never does people harm. It also gives people the impression that you’re open and approachable.
      • Share: Be it some mint in your pocket or a bag of chips, ask people would want some if followed by a handing gesture.
      • Lend a helping hand: Simple gestures like helping people carry a load or holding a door for them, go a long way.
      • Respect others: The world’s full of differences. However, prejudice is so last century. So learn to acknowledge people’s uniqueness and respect them. It’s the only way other people with tolerate your own unique person.
    • 39. 10 Don’ts in getting along
      • Don’t be so touchy
      • Don’t loose your temper
      • Don’t be annoying
      • Don’t gossip
      • Don’t be arrogant or demean others
      • Don’t make promises you cant keep
      • Don’t burden others with your problems
      • Don’t put other people down
      • Don’t show disrespect: everyone is entitled to their opinion
      • Don’t use humor at the cost of another’s feelings
    • 40. The Golden rule
      • Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.”
            • Matt 5:37
      • Example: If you want others to keep their commitments to you, keep your commitments to them.
    • 41. Live a Spirit Filled Life
      • In the New Testament the Greek noun koinonia simply means 'sharing', and is translated variously as 'communion', 'communication', 'community', 'fellowship', 'partaking', 'contribution', etc.
      • Fellowship' in New Testament usage is the sharing of something with others in a community, not merely the act of associating with them.
      • The outpoured Spirit had created a community that broke through the barriers of language, culture, race, sex - even possessions (see Acts 2:42, 4:32, 35, Galatians 3:28, Colossians 3:11).
    • 42. "Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.” Steve Martin, Comedian
    • 43. Criticism
      • Avoid criticism of other people. Learning to communicate your concerns, or point of view, is important but criticism of others only blunts the edge of your message.
      • It causes the other person to turn a deaf ear to your message regardless of how vital it might be.
    • 44. Criticism
      • I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.
      • Ben Franklin
      • Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.
      • Dale Carnegie
    • 45. Feeling Important
      • Everyone has a need to feel important.
      • Putting your own ego aside as you recognize this need in others will improve your relationships.
      • Worry less about who gets the credit.
    • 46. Who’s Idea Was It?
      • Instead of insisting on your idea let the other person think it was their idea in the first place.
      Who gets the credit?
      • There is no end to the good that you can do if you do not care who gets the credit.
    • 47. Learn the Interest of Others
      • Talk in terms of the interest of others rather than your own.
      • This is particularly important for those with whom you interact with frequently.
      • Most people talk about themselves, and their interest, much more than they do the interest of those around them.
      • There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine interest in other people.
      • Every person is unique, interesting, and has their own fascination. Start looking for those features in everyone you meet.
    • 48. Learn the value of others.
      • Once we have determined the value of others it is easy for us to genuinely convey the message that they are important.
      • Look for the positive in a person rather than the negative.
    • 49. I Don’t Mean to Gossip, But… 1948 Cover of the Saturday Evening Post Avoid: Being a gossip yourself. Listening to it. Gossip is often wrong and always harmful to all involved.
    • 50. Avoid Gossip
      • Avoid:
      • Being a gossip yourself.
      • Listening to it.
      • Gossip is often wrong and always harmful to all involved.
    • 51. Do not argue.
      • You can not win an argument.
      • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
      • Even if you “win” the argument you have probably not really convinced the other person. Do not overestimate your ability in this area. Most people convince themselves in their own good time.
    • 52. Instead, Appeal to Noble Motives In your persuasive efforts appeal to the nobler motives of the person instead of arguing over what might be their base motivations.
    • 53. Learn to begin your interactions in a friendly way.
    • 54. When you are wrong…
      • admit it.
      • It will usually surprise others because so few do it.
      • Admit your mistakes with grace and courage, do not grovel, and then go on to do better.
    • 55. Getting to yes.
      • Find a point of agreement between the two of you and get the other person to say yes to that agreement no matter how far apart you are in regard to other matters.
    • 56. Ask Questions
      • Ask questions instead of giving orders. Direct and guide the person in the right direction instead of bullying.
      Saving Face
      • NEVER back the person into a corner where they can not save face. This only makes them an enemy.
      • Notice, and praise, any improvement no matter how slight.
    • 57. Encourage
      • Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
      • Sanford & son: “You big dummy:
      Enhance their reputation.
      • Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
    • 58. No excuses.
      • There is never an excuse for bad manners or rudeness.
      • Learn to lead others with your good example.
      Who gets the credit?
      • There is no end to the good that you can do if you do not care who gets the credit.
    • 59. What does the Golden rule require?
      • The Golden rule requires:
      • A. Restraint
      • B. Self-discipline
      • C. Sacrifice
      • D. Love
    • 60. The Golden Rule
      • Restraint: is the ability to control our impulses.
      • Ex: We have control over what we say to others.
      • Self-Discipline: The ability to restrain our desires on a daily basis , another word for self- control.
      • Example: Avoiding road rage, avoiding making rude comments and so forth.
    • 61. The Golden Rule
      • Sacrifice: The ability to give up something for the good of others and oneself.
      • Example: Giving up Monday night football to work on a committee.
      • Example: Getting a second job to help son or daughter go to a better school.
    • 62. The Golden Rule
      • Love: The ability to care for others with unconditional concern, or in an unselfish manner.
      • Example: The love of a father or mother towards a son or a daughter.
      • Example: The love of a son or daughter towards his or her parents.
      • Example: A boyfriend that does not pressure his girlfriend into sex or vice-versa.
    • 63. Who is my neighbor?
      • My neighbor is anyone I interact with or relate to.
      • Love of neighbor has three dimensions.
      • A. Love of self.
      • B. Love of those who are closest to me.
      • C. Love of those who are strangers to me.
    • 64. 1. The word _________ is not an _________ , but a _____ . Christian adjective verb
    • 65.  
    • 66. The Sovereign’s View of First
      • I. Be Last
      • II. Be the Servant
      • III. Be Humble and Encouraging
      • IV. Be Self-Sacrificing