1. A man would come home very late and very drunk everynight. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressingup like Satan and scaring him. When he finally stumblesacross the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like ademon. He looks at her and slurs, "You dont scare me.Im married to your sister"!A classic case of "NO WEAPON FASHIONED AGAINST MESHALL PROSPER": A baby was born laughing really hardwith its fist tightly closed, chuckling and dandling happily.Everyone in the room was perplexed, wondering whats upwith the baby. One of the confused nurses unfoldedits tiny fingers and found a birth control pill!!!An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on aship, Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Dropanything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I cant, I willbe ur slave!" The American dropped a pin, the Devil foundit and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devilfound it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle ofwater, poured it in the sea and said: "Na today? find ammake I see now.A man fainted outside Mr Biggs and soon a crowd formedaround him to see.A passer-by suggested,"give him somewater, it will help".The man heard this and opened oneeye and replied,"commot from here,Na only water dem
2. dey sell here.If na water I wan drink,I for go faint forwater board"....An Ibo man was converted to Islam, after all said anddone; he was asked what name he would like to bear, hewas given options of Ibrahim (Abraham), Suleiman(Solomon), Musa (Moses) and others. He asked whatgood were the names, then the Imam told him that if uchoose any name there will be hope that God will blessyou the way he blessed those with the names originally,then the Ibo man asked: "how about Dangote"?Husband comes home from Church, greets his wife, liftsher up and carries her around the house.The wife is sosurprised and asks smiling,"did the Pastor preach aboutbeing romantic"? Out of breath the husband replies, "No,he said we must carry our burdens..."Pastor: Turn to ur left and say to your neighbour it shallbe permanent in ur life. A young boy turned to his leftand saw an imbecile. Apparently confused, he stared atthe imbecile for some minutes and said to him dont mindthe pastor. The imbecile replied na God save u, I for useslap kill you today!
3. A lady told a guy she just met that she is a graduate andthe guy said "so what is next, NYSC right"? She said: "no Idont like that because there is too much calculationinvolved.....A man is sitting at home on the veranda having drinkswith his wife and he says, “I love you". She asks, “Is thatyou or the beer talking?”. He replies, “It’s me….. talking tothe beer.”.Parishioner, my dog is dead. Could there be a service forthe poor creature?” Pastor replied, "No, we cannot haveservice for an animal in the church. But there is a newchurch down the road. Maybe...they will do something forthe animal". The man answered “Pastor, but do youthink they will accept a donation of US $250,000 in returnfor the burial service? Pastor exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus!Why didn’t u tell me d dog was a christianA beautiful girl was giving a pedicure to a man who is alsogetting a shave at a salon.The man says "what about adate later?"."Am married" she replied.The man said: "so?call your husband and tell him you are going to visit agirlfriend"She said "u should tell him yourself, he isshaving you".
4. A House girl went to Church on a sunday service and thepastor preaching now ask "If you know you want to go toHeaven raise up your hand" everybody did except the girl.So an Usher beside her asked "U no wan go Heaven?,Why you no raise up your Hand?"The Girl answered: "Mymadam say if we don close for Church make i no goanywhere.Juliet: hey suzan, i just got my BlackBerry oooh... ill buymy pin next week.Suzan: U try o! Me i don dash jane my own...Juliet: why?Suzan: bcos BlackBerry don taya me, nw na BB i dey use.Juliet: is ur BB samsung or nokia?Suzan: no, itz Sony Ericsson.Juliet: okay, just give me your pin so i can call u.Susan: eyaaaa... am sorry, i left my pin at home. U knwits not safe walkin around with your pin, e fit choke u!A chick sent this text to her lover."if u are sleepin, sendme your dreams; if ur laughing, send me your laugh; ifyou are crying, send me your tears"; if u are eating sendme ur food; even if you are using your ATM send me themoney. D ibo boy replied,"I dey toilet, beexpectant.
5. An igbo man fell into a well and was screaming for help.The wife came with a rope to help, the Igbo man lookedat the rope and said: "how much did you buy the rope"?The wife said "1000 naira". Still inside the well, heshouted. "What! Return it now now, go to papa Emeka atthe 4th street he sells it for 300naira. Hurry up! before Idie here ohhh".Husband: I have a problem at the office.Wife: After marriage, you dont say I have a problem, saywe have a problem.Husband: Ok, We are expecting a baby from OURSecretaryA guy was gisting his friend - I told her : " I might not berich, I have no money or villa or cars or companies like myfriend John, but I love you and adore you". She looked atme with tears in her eyes and hugged me like there is notomorrow and whispered in my ear........ : If you love meintroduce me to John...."Yoruba teacher to an Ibo boy struggling with Yorubalanguage.Teacher: Translate this sentence to Yorubalanguage"The two bank robbers."
6. Student: Ummm, mmm "The meji bank ole."Teacher: You mean Dimeji Bankole!