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How can we listen better?

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Question # 1: What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker? …

Question # 1: What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker?
Question # 2: What do you value most: Listening or speaking?
Question # 3: In your next conversation, what goal will you set for what to listen for?
Question # 4: What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say?
Question # 5: How can we show more empathy?
Question # 6: How can we ask more and better questions?
Question # 7: How can we avoid to interrupt?
Question # 8: How can we stop doing other things when listening to a person?
Question # 9: How important is it for you to have eye contact with the person you listen to?
Question # 10: How do we listen to a person’s body language?
Question # 11: What do you think about taking notes about what you hear?
Question # 12: What can we do to put away preconceptions?

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  • 1. How can we listen better? http://www.imagebase.net/People/412-copy-590726573
  • 2. Serve yourself, pay what you think is fair. Thank you very much in advance for your crowdfunding contribution. When you give a tip / pay / donate, you help to 1. keep content openly accessible for anyone. 2. keep content free of advertisements. 3. support ongoing development - including updates to existing content as well as creation of new content. http://www.frankcalberg.com/payment
  • 3. http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/ If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear. Mark Twain
  • 4. Question # 1: What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker? Question # 2: What do you value most: Listening or speaking? Question # 3: In your next conversation, what goal will you set for what to listen for? Question # 4: What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say? Question # 5: How can we show more empathy? Question # 6: How can we ask more and better questions? Question # 7: How can we avoid to interrupt? Question # 8: How can we stop doing other things when listening to a person? Question # 9: How important is it for you to have eye contact with the person you listen to? Question # 10: How do we listen to a person’s body language? Question # 11: What do you think about taking notes about what you hear? Question # 12: What can we do to put away preconceptions?
  • 5. Question # 1 What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker?
  • 6. Some of us may have had early experiences in life where we were taught to be listeners instead of speakers. Some of us were taught that it was weak to listen, that we need to speak up. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees
  • 7. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/personality-16100233
  • 8. Question # 2 What do you value most: Listening or speaking?
  • 9. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/questions-to-discover-your-values
  • 10. Question # 3 In your next conversation, what goal will you set for what to listen for?
  • 11. Before the talking begins, skilled learners mentally review what they already know about the subject. Then they set a goal for what to listen for. http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/10/ready-to-learn-the-key-is-listening-with-intention/
  • 12. http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners Question # 1 What is the purpose of the interaction? Question # 2 What do you think you can learn? 2 questions to ask yourself
  • 13. Question # 4 What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say?
  • 14. Person A It’s impossible to work like this! Person B What I hear is / if I understand you correctly, you find it difficult to work in these conditions. Adapted from Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 157-158.
  • 15. Adopting words, body postures, positions and movements that are similar to the speaker will allow the speaker to relax and open up more. Sources http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/ http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener
  • 16. The listener does not have to agree with the speaker - he or she must simply repeat what he/she thinks the speaker said. This enables the speaker to find out whether the listener really understood. Sources http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm http://sinekpartners.typepad.com/refocus/2010/06/there-is-a-difference-between-listening-and-waiting-for-your-turn-to---speak-just-because-someone-can-hear-doesnt-mean-t.html http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/07/practical_tips_for_overcoming_r.html
  • 17. Question # 5 How can we show more empathy?
  • 18. When you’ve had a long day and your partner is talking through his or her stresses, it’s tempting to let your partner know just how much bigger and more important your own issues are. That only creates tension. Learn to simply listen and offer help to your partner. http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/
  • 19. Try to understand the other person’s mindset and to relate to her / him as she / he speaks, reassuring him that you empathize what she / he is saying. http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html
  • 20. There has to be a certain humility to listen well. Kevin Sharer https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/Why_Im_a_listener_Amgen_CEO_Kevin_Sharer_2956
  • 21. Ability to pay attention Need to be right Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 156.
  • 22. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/social-competence
  • 23. Question # 6 How can we ask more and better questions?
  • 24. Examples of questions  Can you tell me more about that?  What does that really mean?  How do you feel about it?  How do you think that will go? Sources http://leaderchat.org/2012/09/03/3-tips-for-better-listening-and-the-one-attitude-that-makes-all-the-difference/ http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/03/for_real_influence_use_level_f.html
  • 25. By asking questions you draw other people in and engage them. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1195123/how_to_be_a_brilliant_conversationalist.html?cat=41
  • 26. Ask questions from a position of curiosity. http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/dialog.htm
  • 27. Aggressive communication Effective communication Passive communication Giving answers. Asking clarifying, open, and specific questions help people to, for example:  feel good.  think. Not saying anything.
  • 28. Types of questions http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/question-types
  • 29. Question # 7 How can we avoid to interrupt?
  • 30. Be mindful that a pause, even a long one, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Let the speaker continue in their own time. http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/
  • 31. http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/the-secret-and-power-of-listening/ Closing your mouth
  • 32. Silence can buy you time to think. http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners
  • 33. Silence can be one of the most powerful forms of communication. http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/
  • 34. http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/ http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html Working on not to interrupt.
  • 35. When you interrupt, or when you plunge in too quickly to make yourself heard, you are behaving impatiently. https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening
  • 36. Question # 8 How can we stop doing other things when listening to a person?
  • 37. Listen. That means don’t multitask. I’m not just talking about doing email, surfing the web, or creating a grocery list. Thinking about what you’re going to say next counts as multitasking. Simply focus on what the other person is saying. http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html
  • 38. The human mind is unable to genuinely focus on 2 activities at once. Visible learning and the science of how we learn, location 2500. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140
  • 39. The moment you remove your attention from a task, you can expect no meaningful learning or skill development to take place. Visible learning and the science of how we learn, location 2500. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140
  • 40. You can’t pick up on facial expressions if your gaze is down at your phone. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees
  • 41. Question # 9 How important is it for you to have eye contact with the person you listen to?
  • 42. Dominant communication Effective communication Passive communication Starring. Body leaning backwards. Pointing finger. Eye contact. Body facing the person. Open hands. No eye contact. Closed, sunk down body. No use of hands.
  • 43. Eye contact helps develop trust. Addis, Scott: Body language. Actions speak louder than words. Rough Notes, July 2008.
  • 44. Some people may avoid eye contact because  they are shy.  they were taught it was disrespectful to have eye contact with superiors. Clark, Thomas: Sharing the importance of attentive listening skills. Journal of Management Education, April 1999.
  • 45. Sclavi, Marianella: The role of play and humor in creative conflict management. Negotiation Journal, April 2008. In the Korean culture, it is considered a sign of extreme disrespect for a young person, especially a woman, to look straight into the eyes of an older person.
  • 46. Question # 10 How do we listen to a person’s body language?
  • 47. Voice 38% Body language 55% impact Use of words 7% impact Sources http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian http://blog.doubleslash.de/richtige-kommunikation-im-softwareprojekt/
  • 48. When we remain silent, we improve the odds that we’ll spot nonverbal cues we might have missed otherwise. https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/The_executives_guide_to_better_listening_2931
  • 49. Nonverbal cues could indicate what the speaker isn't saying. Often what she is not saying is as important as what she is. http://web.hbr.org/email/archive/managementtip.php?date=012810
  • 50. http://www.howcast.com/videos/218107-How-To-Be-a-Good-Listener
  • 51. The body always tells the truth. http://www.bodieslanguage.com/
  • 52. Question # 11 What do you think about taking notes about what you hear?
  • 53. http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432 http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/04/22/0956797614524581.abstract When taking notes, consider asking for permission.
  • 54. Once you write it down, you’ve put it in your brain. http://barongroup.com/images/Are_you_listening.pdf
  • 55. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/the-brain-40297493
  • 56. Question # 12 What can we do to put away preconceptions?
  • 57. People can listen 3 – 5 times faster than they can talk. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/ http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html
  • 58. Because a listener can listen at a faster rate than most speakers talk, there is a tendency to evaluate too quickly. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/
  • 59. http://hbr.org/web/slideshows/difficult-conversations-nine-common-mistakes/1-slide
  • 60. Instead of judging a person you listen to, judge yourself: An idea might not strike you immediately, but if you give it time, and a little thought, the idea could surprise you. https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening
  • 61. Further inspiration http://www.7cupsoftea.com/ http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/social-competence http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432 http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.html http://online.wsj.com/articles/tuning-in-how-to-listen-better-1406070727 http://youtu.be/cSohjlYQI2A http://youtu.be/NjUic9WqLrg
  • 62. Thank you for your interest. For further inspiration and personalized services, please feel welcome to visit http://www.frankcalberg.com Have a great day.