Try not to interrupt.
When you interrupt, or when you plunge in
too quickly to make yourself heard, you are
When we remain silent, we also improve the
odds that we’ll spot nonverbal cues we might
have missed otherwise.
Tip # 2
Stop doing other things
Listen. That means don’t multitask. I’m not just talking
about doing email, surfing the web, or creating a grocery
list. Thinking about what you’re going to say next counts
Simply focus on what the other person is saying.
Tip # 3
Face the person
No eye contact.
Body facing the person.
Closed, sunk down
No use of hands.
Eye contact helps develop trust.
Addis, Scott: Body language. Actions speak louder than words.
Rough Notes, July 2008.
Some people may avoid eye contact because
they are shy.
they were taught it was disrespectful to have
eye contact with superiors.
Clark, Thomas: Sharing the importance of attentive listening skills.
Journal of Management Education, April 1999.
In the Korean culture, it is considered a sign of extreme
disrespect for a young person, especially a woman, to
look straight into the eyes of an older person.
Sclavi, Marianella: The role of play and humor in creative conflict management.
Negotiation Journal, April 2008.
Tip # 4
Watch the body language
Use of words
The body always tells the truth.
Watch nonverbal cues that could indicate
what the speaker isn't saying.
Often what she is not saying is as important
as what she is.
Take notes – after
asking for permission.
Tip # 6
Examples of questions
Can you tell me more about that?
What does that really mean?
How do you feel about it?
How do you think that will go?
By asking questions you draw other
people in and engage them.
Ask questions from a position of curiosity.
Pay the person who's speaking back with
enthusiasm. Enthusiasm shown by the expression
on your face, in your posture, in your questions.
Asking clarifying, open, and
Not saying anything.
specific questions help people
to, for example:
Types of questions
The listener does not have to agree with the speaker
- he or she must simply repeat what he/she thinks
the speaker said.
This enables the speaker to find out whether the
listener really understood.
Adopting words, body postures, positions and
movements that are similar to the speaker will
allow the speaker to relax and open up more.
Person A statement
It’s impossible to work like this!
Person B summary and question
I hear that you find it difficult to work in these
conditions. What things are getting in the way?
What can I do to help you?
Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 157-158.
Tip # 9
Put away preconceptions
People listen 3 – 5 times faster than they speak
Most individuals speak at the rate of 175 to 200
words per minute.
People can listen and process words at the rate
of 600 to 1,000 words per minute.
Because a listener can listen at a faster rate
than most speakers talk, there is a tendency
to evaluate too quickly.
Judgmental thinking is entrenched thinking.
Instead of judging them, judge yourself: An idea
might not strike you immediately, but if you give
it time, and a little thought, it could surprise you.
Ability to pay attention
Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 156.
Need to be right
When you’ve had a long day and your partner is
talking through his or her stresses, it’s tempting to let
your partner know just how much bigger and more
important your own issues are. But that only creates
Learn to simply listen and offer help to your partner.
Tip # 11
There has to be a certain humility to listen well.
Further sources of inspiration
Thank you for your interest. For further inspiration, please
feel welcome to visit http://www.frankcalberg.com
Have a great day.