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How can
we listen
better?
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Question # 1: What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker?
Question # 2: What do you value most: Listening or spea...
Serve yourself, pay what you think is fair.
When you give a tip / pay / donate, you help to
1. keep content openly accessi...
Question # 1
What were you taught to be:
A listener or a speaker?
Some of us may have had early experiences
in life where we were taught to be listeners
instead of speakers.
Some of us wer...
http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/
If we were supposed to
talk more than we listen,
we w...
Further inspiration
http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/personality-16100233
Question # 2
What do you value most:
Listening or speaking?
For most of my 20s, I assumed that the
world was more interested in me than I
was in it, so I spent most of my time
talkin...
To fully listen, you must first believe
it is a critical part of your job.
https://hbr.org/2014/04/what-gets-in-the-way-of...
Further inspiration
http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/questions-to-discover-your-values
Question # 3
In your next conversation,
what goal will you set
for what to listen for?
Before the talking begins, skilled learners
mentally review what they already know
about the subject.
Then they set a goal...
http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners
Question # 1
What is the purpose of the interaction?
Questio...
Question # 4
What do you think about
repeating what you heard
the person say?
Person A
It’s impossible to work like this!
Person B
What I hear is / if I understand you correctly,
you find it difficult...
Adopting words, body postures, positions
and movements that are similar to the
speaker will allow the speaker to relax and...
The listener does not have to agree with the
speaker - he or she must simply repeat what
he/she thinks the speaker said.
T...
https://youtu.be/trbVUu6gv4A
Last word response exercise. An example
Person A: I just had a great cup of coffee this morni...
Question # 5
How can we show
more empathy?
When you’ve had a long day and your partner is
talking through his or her stresses, it’s tempting to
let your partner know...
Try to understand the other person’s mindset
and to relate to her / him as she / he speaks,
reassuring him that you empath...
There has to be a certain humility
to listen well.
Kevin Sharer
https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/Wh...
Ability to pay attention
Need to be right
Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 156.
Further inspiration
http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/social-competence
Question # 6
How can we ask more
and better questions?
By asking questions you draw
other people in and engage them.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1195123/how_to_be_a...
Ask questions from a position of curiosity.
http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/dialog.htm
Aggressive
communication
Effective
communication
Passive
communication
Giving answers. Asking clarifying, open,
and specif...
Examples of questions
 Can you tell me more about that?
 What does that really mean?
 How do you feel about it?
 How d...
Types of questions
http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/question-types
Question # 7
How can we
avoid to interrupt?
Be mindful that a pause, even a long one,
does not necessarily mean that the
speaker has finished.
Let the speaker continu...
http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/the-secret-and-power-of-listening/
Closing your mouth
Silence can buy you time to think.
http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners
Silence can be one of the most
powerful forms of communication.
http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-pro...
http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/
http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.ht...
When you interrupt, or when you plunge in
too quickly to make yourself heard, you are
behaving impatiently.
https://www.li...
Question # 8
How can we stop doing
other things when
listening to a person?
Effective listening requires our focused
attention. Eliminate all distractions so
you won’t be disturbed.
https://hbr.org/...
The human mind is unable to genuinely
focus on 2 activities at once.
Visible learning and the science of how we learn, loc...
Listen. That means don’t multitask.
I’m not just talking about doing email, surfing
the web, or creating a grocery list. T...
The moment you remove your attention from a
task, you can expect no meaningful learning
or skill development to take place...
You can’t pick up on facial expressions
if your gaze is down at your phone.
https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-t...
Question # 9
How important is it for you
to have eye contact with the
person you listen to?
Dominant
communication
Effective
communication
Passive
communication
Starring.
Body leaning
backwards.
Pointing finger.
Ey...
Eye contact helps develop trust.
Addis, Scott: Body language. Actions speak louder than words.
Rough Notes, July 2008.
Some people may avoid eye contact because
 they are shy.
 they were taught it was disrespectful to have
eye contact with...
Sclavi, Marianella: The role of play and humor in creative conflict management.
Negotiation Journal, April 2008.
In the Ko...
Question # 10
How do we listen to
a person’s body language?
Voice
38%
Body
language
55% impact
Use of words
7% impact
Sources
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian
http://blo...
When we remain silent, we improve the
odds that we’ll spot nonverbal cues we
might have missed otherwise.
https://www.mcki...
Nonverbal cues could indicate what the
speaker isn't saying. Often what she is
not saying is as important as what she is.
...
http://www.howcast.com/videos/218107-How-To-Be-a-Good-Listener
The body always tells the truth.
http://www.bodieslanguage.com/
Question # 11
What do you think about
taking notes about what
you hear?
http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432
http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/04/22/0956797614...
Once you write it down,
you’ve put it in your brain.
http://barongroup.com/images/Are_you_listening.pdf
When you notice something has blocked
you from listening, simply make a note of
it and shift your attention back to what
t...
Further inspiration
http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/the-brain-40297493
Question # 12
What can we do to
not judge too early?
People can listen 3 – 5 times faster
than they can talk.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/...
Because a listener can listen at a faster
rate than most speakers talk, there is a
tendency to evaluate too quickly.
http:...
http://hbr.org/web/slideshows/difficult-conversations-nine-common-mistakes/1-slide
Judgments and decisions should be
reserved until after the talker has finished.
At that time, and only then, review his
ma...
Instead of judging a person you listen to, judge
yourself: An idea might not strike you
immediately, but if you give it ti...
Further inspiration
http://www.7cupsoftea.com/
https://hbr.org/2015/02/everything-you-need-to-know-about-becoming-a-better...
Serve yourself, pay what you think is fair.
When you give a tip / pay / donate, you help to
1. keep content openly accessi...
Thank you for your interest. For further inspiration and
personalized services, please feel welcome to visit
http://www.fr...
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How can we listen better?

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Question # 1: What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker?
Question # 2: What do you value most: Listening or speaking?
Question # 3: In your next conversation, what goal will you set for what to listen for?
Question # 4: What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say?
Question # 5: How can we show more empathy?
Question # 6: How can we ask more and better questions?
Question # 7: How can we avoid to interrupt?
Question # 8: How can we stop doing other things when listening to a person?
Question # 9: How important is it for you to have eye contact with the person you listen to?
Question # 10: How do we listen to a person’s body language?
Question # 11: What do you think about taking notes about what you hear?
Question # 12: What can we do to put away preconceptions?

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Transcript of "How can we listen better?"

  1. 1. How can we listen better? http://www.imagebase.net/People/412-copy-590726573
  2. 2. Question # 1: What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker? Question # 2: What do you value most: Listening or speaking? Question # 3: In your next conversation, what goal will you set for what to listen for? Question # 4: What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say? Question # 5: How can we show more empathy? Question # 6: How can we ask more and better questions? Question # 7: How can we avoid to interrupt? Question # 8: How can we stop doing other things when listening to a person? Question # 9: How important is it for you to have eye contact with the person you listen to? Question # 10: How do we listen to a person’s body language? Question # 11: What do you think about taking notes about what you hear? Question # 12: What can we do to put away preconceptions?
  3. 3. Serve yourself, pay what you think is fair. When you give a tip / pay / donate, you help to 1. keep content openly accessible for anyone. 2. keep content free of advertisements. 3. support ongoing development - including updates to existing content as well as creation of new content. http://www.frankcalberg.com/thankyou
  4. 4. Question # 1 What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker?
  5. 5. Some of us may have had early experiences in life where we were taught to be listeners instead of speakers. Some of us were taught that it was weak to listen, that we need to speak up. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees
  6. 6. http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/ If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear. Mark Twain
  7. 7. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/personality-16100233
  8. 8. Question # 2 What do you value most: Listening or speaking?
  9. 9. For most of my 20s, I assumed that the world was more interested in me than I was in it, so I spent most of my time talking, usually in a quite uninformed way, about whatever I thought, rushing to be clever, thinking about what I was going to say to someone rather than listening to what they were saying to me. http://www.lifechngr.com/business/productivity-creativity/8-successful-entrepreneurs-give-their-younger-selves-lessons-they-wish-theyd-known-then-fast-company-business-innovation/ Paul Bennett
  10. 10. To fully listen, you must first believe it is a critical part of your job. https://hbr.org/2014/04/what-gets-in-the-way-of-listening/
  11. 11. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/questions-to-discover-your-values
  12. 12. Question # 3 In your next conversation, what goal will you set for what to listen for?
  13. 13. Before the talking begins, skilled learners mentally review what they already know about the subject. Then they set a goal for what to listen for. http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/10/ready-to-learn-the-key-is-listening-with-intention/
  14. 14. http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners Question # 1 What is the purpose of the interaction? Question # 2 What do you think you can learn? 2 questions to ask yourself
  15. 15. Question # 4 What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say?
  16. 16. Person A It’s impossible to work like this! Person B What I hear is / if I understand you correctly, you find it difficult to work in these conditions. Adapted from Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 157-158.
  17. 17. Adopting words, body postures, positions and movements that are similar to the speaker will allow the speaker to relax and open up more. Sources http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/ http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener
  18. 18. The listener does not have to agree with the speaker - he or she must simply repeat what he/she thinks the speaker said. This enables the speaker to find out whether the listener really understood. Sources http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm http://sinekpartners.typepad.com/refocus/2010/06/there-is-a-difference-between-listening-and-waiting-for-your-turn-to---speak-just-because-someone-can-hear-doesnt-mean-t.html http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/07/practical_tips_for_overcoming_r.html
  19. 19. https://youtu.be/trbVUu6gv4A Last word response exercise. An example Person A: I just had a great cup of coffee this morning. Person B: Morning is my favourite time of the day. Person A: Day is better than night.
  20. 20. Question # 5 How can we show more empathy?
  21. 21. When you’ve had a long day and your partner is talking through his or her stresses, it’s tempting to let your partner know just how much bigger and more important your own issues are. That only creates tension. Learn to simply listen and offer help to your partner. http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/
  22. 22. Try to understand the other person’s mindset and to relate to her / him as she / he speaks, reassuring him that you empathize what she / he is saying. http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html
  23. 23. There has to be a certain humility to listen well. Kevin Sharer https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/Why_Im_a_listener_Amgen_CEO_Kevin_Sharer_2956
  24. 24. Ability to pay attention Need to be right Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 156.
  25. 25. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/social-competence
  26. 26. Question # 6 How can we ask more and better questions?
  27. 27. By asking questions you draw other people in and engage them. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1195123/how_to_be_a_brilliant_conversationalist.html?cat=41
  28. 28. Ask questions from a position of curiosity. http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/dialog.htm
  29. 29. Aggressive communication Effective communication Passive communication Giving answers. Asking clarifying, open, and specific questions help people to, for example:  feel good.  think. Not saying anything.
  30. 30. Examples of questions  Can you tell me more about that?  What does that really mean?  How do you feel about it?  How do you think that will go? Sources http://leaderchat.org/2012/09/03/3-tips-for-better-listening-and-the-one-attitude-that-makes-all-the-difference/ http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/03/for_real_influence_use_level_f.html
  31. 31. Types of questions http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/question-types
  32. 32. Question # 7 How can we avoid to interrupt?
  33. 33. Be mindful that a pause, even a long one, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Let the speaker continue in their own time. http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/
  34. 34. http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/the-secret-and-power-of-listening/ Closing your mouth
  35. 35. Silence can buy you time to think. http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners
  36. 36. Silence can be one of the most powerful forms of communication. http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/
  37. 37. http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/ http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html Working on not to interrupt.
  38. 38. When you interrupt, or when you plunge in too quickly to make yourself heard, you are behaving impatiently. https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening
  39. 39. Question # 8 How can we stop doing other things when listening to a person?
  40. 40. Effective listening requires our focused attention. Eliminate all distractions so you won’t be disturbed. https://hbr.org/2015/02/how-great-coaches-ask-listen-and-empathize
  41. 41. The human mind is unable to genuinely focus on 2 activities at once. Visible learning and the science of how we learn, location 2500. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140
  42. 42. Listen. That means don’t multitask. I’m not just talking about doing email, surfing the web, or creating a grocery list. Thinking about what you’re going to say next counts as multitasking. Simply focus on what the other person is saying. http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html
  43. 43. The moment you remove your attention from a task, you can expect no meaningful learning or skill development to take place. Visible learning and the science of how we learn, location 2500. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140
  44. 44. You can’t pick up on facial expressions if your gaze is down at your phone. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees
  45. 45. Question # 9 How important is it for you to have eye contact with the person you listen to?
  46. 46. Dominant communication Effective communication Passive communication Starring. Body leaning backwards. Pointing finger. Eye contact. Body facing the person. Open hands. No eye contact. Closed, sunk down body. No use of hands.
  47. 47. Eye contact helps develop trust. Addis, Scott: Body language. Actions speak louder than words. Rough Notes, July 2008.
  48. 48. Some people may avoid eye contact because  they are shy.  they were taught it was disrespectful to have eye contact with superiors. Clark, Thomas: Sharing the importance of attentive listening skills. Journal of Management Education, April 1999.
  49. 49. Sclavi, Marianella: The role of play and humor in creative conflict management. Negotiation Journal, April 2008. In the Korean culture, it is considered a sign of extreme disrespect for a young person, especially a woman, to look straight into the eyes of an older person.
  50. 50. Question # 10 How do we listen to a person’s body language?
  51. 51. Voice 38% Body language 55% impact Use of words 7% impact Sources http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian http://blog.doubleslash.de/richtige-kommunikation-im-softwareprojekt/
  52. 52. When we remain silent, we improve the odds that we’ll spot nonverbal cues we might have missed otherwise. https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/The_executives_guide_to_better_listening_2931
  53. 53. Nonverbal cues could indicate what the speaker isn't saying. Often what she is not saying is as important as what she is. http://web.hbr.org/email/archive/managementtip.php?date=012810
  54. 54. http://www.howcast.com/videos/218107-How-To-Be-a-Good-Listener
  55. 55. The body always tells the truth. http://www.bodieslanguage.com/
  56. 56. Question # 11 What do you think about taking notes about what you hear?
  57. 57. http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432 http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/04/22/0956797614524581.abstract When taking notes, consider asking for permission.
  58. 58. Once you write it down, you’ve put it in your brain. http://barongroup.com/images/Are_you_listening.pdf
  59. 59. When you notice something has blocked you from listening, simply make a note of it and shift your attention back to what the other person is saying. https://hbr.org/2014/04/what-gets-in-the-way-of-listening/
  60. 60. Further inspiration http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/the-brain-40297493
  61. 61. Question # 12 What can we do to not judge too early?
  62. 62. People can listen 3 – 5 times faster than they can talk. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/ http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html
  63. 63. Because a listener can listen at a faster rate than most speakers talk, there is a tendency to evaluate too quickly. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/
  64. 64. http://hbr.org/web/slideshows/difficult-conversations-nine-common-mistakes/1-slide
  65. 65. Judgments and decisions should be reserved until after the talker has finished. At that time, and only then, review his main ideas and assess them. https://hbr.org/1957/09/listening-to-people/ar/1
  66. 66. Instead of judging a person you listen to, judge yourself: An idea might not strike you immediately, but if you give it time, and a little thought, the idea could surprise you. https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening
  67. 67. Further inspiration http://www.7cupsoftea.com/ https://hbr.org/2015/02/everything-you-need-to-know-about-becoming-a-better-listener https://hbr.org/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/social-competence http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432 http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.html http://online.wsj.com/articles/tuning-in-how-to-listen-better-1406070727 http://youtu.be/cSohjlYQI2A http://youtu.be/NjUic9WqLrg
  68. 68. Serve yourself, pay what you think is fair. When you give a tip / pay / donate, you help to 1. keep content openly accessible for anyone. 2. keep content free of advertisements. 3. support ongoing development - including updates to existing content as well as creation of new content. http://www.frankcalberg.com/thankyou
  69. 69. Thank you for your interest. For further inspiration and personalized services, please feel welcome to visit http://www.frankcalberg.com Have a great day.

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