Fight when you are
someone who prefers
to be competitive.
Whenever you're fighting about ideas, it's
important that you're engaging in the “right
fight,” criticizing another person's
ideas and not the person himself.
Focus on topic
Focus on person
Hate the sin and not the sinner
is a precept which, though
easy enough to understand, is
rarely practiced. And that is
why the poison of hatred
spreads in the world.
Stop the process when the
important decision maker
does not want change
If an important decision maker prolongs a
process on purpose, because he or she
for some reason does not want change,
stop the process.
15% say they get the best outcome when
they exploit the other person’s cooperation
unilaterally, and those 15% are driving
a lot of conflict.
Results of surveys with thousands of employees.
Why do we compromise?
1. We are under time pressure and need quick solutions.
2. Problems are complex and we need temporary settlements.
3. Collaboration is difficult.
Everyone accepts a compromise because it includes everybody’s
input. The problem is, a compromise may be the worst decision.
If person A wants to cross an area using the bridge to the east
and his partner wants to cross the area using the bridge to the
west, the worst possible thing may be to go straight ahead
where there is no bridge.
Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 171.
In cultures that score low on masculinity such
as the Netherlands, Sweden, and Denmark, there is
a preference for resolving conflicts by compromise
Hofstede, Geert: Cultures and Organizations, p. 166.
How do we start the
At Morning Star, conflicts are handled via a 4-step procedure:
1. Speak directly to the colleague. See if you can sort out your differences.
2. Bring in a 3rd colleague to mediate / facilitate the conversation.
3. Create a panel of 6 - 10 additional colleagues.
4. CEO Chris Rufer joins the panel and helps make a decision.
This happens about 10 times every year.
Before you start making your case in a negotiation,
ask the other person questions. When you ask
for advice, you value his or her opinions and expertise.
Asking for advice also puts the other person in your
shoes. He or she will see your perspective and become
sympathetic to your cause.
How can a mediator / facilitator
help find a compromise?
Facilitation and support are most helpful when
fear and anxiety lie at the heart of resistance.
Facilitation and support can include
1. listening to people,
2. providing emotional support.
3. providing training in new skills,
Adapting could, for example, mean that you choose
to obey another person’s order, even though you
would prefer not to.
Why do you adapt? 5 examples.
1. Harmony is important for you.
2. You realize you are wrong and want to show you are reasonable.
3. The problem is more important to the other person than it is to you.
4. You want to build up social credits for later issues which are
more important to you.
5. You are losing and realize that continued competition will damage you.
Hofstede, Geert: Cultures and Organizations, p. 138.
Thailand is the most femine Asian country. Thai
people learn how to avoid aggression rather
than how to defend themselves against it.
When do you avoid? 2 examples
1. When a cooling off period is needed.
2. When you have little power to change things.
Make sure that you do not use the avoid strategy as an
excuse for not addressing problems.
Problems will worsen when you leave them unresolved.