What is dating violence? Dating violence is an attempt to gain power and control over another person through perpetration or threat of an act of violence by at least one member of an unmarried couple on the other member within the context of dating.
Violence is often hidden in Teenagers because…
Are inexperienced with dating relationships
Are pressured by peers to be violent
Want independence from parents
Have “Romantic” views of love
Young men may believe…
They have the right to control their female partners in any way necessary
“Masculinity” is physical aggressiveness
They “Possess” their partner
They should demand intimacy
Young women may believe…
They are responsible for solving the relationship problems
Their boyfriend’s jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse is “romantic”
Abuse is “normal” because their friends are also being abused
There is no one to ask for help
The Cycle of Violence Tension-building Explosion Remorse, Apologies Honeymoon 1 2 3
Things that are PHYSICALLY abusive...
Cut with knife
Kicked in stomach when pregnant
Punched in arm, face
Hit with object
Things that are SEXUALLY abusive...
Called sexual names
Wanted sex after hitting
Made walk home nude
Forced sex (RAPE)
Forced to do “disgusting” sex acts
Forced to have sex without protection
Things that are EMOTIONALLY abusive...
Constantly blamed for partner’s faults
Constantly accused of flirting or having sex with others
Top Ten Signs of Potential Dating Violence 1. Jealousness and possessiveness towards you. 2. Attempts at control by being bossy to you. 3. Frightens or intimidates you into fearing how he/she will react to things you say or do. 4. Is violent and loses temper quickly. 5. Pressures you sexually. 6. Abuses alcohol or drugs. 7. Blames you when he/she mistreats you. 8. Has a history of bad relationships 9. Believes men should be in control and powerful while women should remain submissive and passive. 10. Your family and friends have warned you about this person or told you they are worried about your safety.
Every 16 seconds a woman in the U.S. is beaten
An average of 28% of high school students experience violence in a dating relationship
12% of those abused experience physical abuse
16% report dating violence to parents and/or authorities
20% of female homicide victims are between 15 and 24 years old
42% of woman murdered in the United States are killed by their boyfriend or husband
Young men become more violent when they see themselves as part of a couple
80 out of 100 men who beat their wives saw their father beat their mother or were abused themselves.
70% of pregnant teens are beaten by their partners and tends to escalate during pregnancy
Common clues a teen is being abused
Physical signs of injury
Truancy, dropping out of school
Use of drugs/alcohol
Changes in mood or personality
What do you do if YOU are being ABUSED?
Take it seriously
Tell your abuser the violence must stop
Plan for your safety
Tell your parents or a trusted adult
Call the police or other authorities
Call a hotline
Find a counselor or a support group
Do things for yourself that make you feel stronger
What to do if your FRIEND is being abused?
Promote self esteem
Make a safety plan
Be there. LISTEN
After the breakup keep up the support
Get the parents and police involved if necessary
Don’t worry about what others think
What to do if you are the ABUSER?
Say “I have a problem. I am abusive.”
Call a hotline
Find a counselor or support group
Talk to parents, friends, or other adults
Learn as much as you can about abusive relationships
Respect yourself: You CAN choose to abuse
Double date a few times before you go out with a new person
Know the plan for the date before leaving
Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence
If you leave a party with someone you do not know very well, make sure you tell someone who you are leaving with.
Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward.
Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to remain calm and think of a plan to get yourself out of it.