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Mark Twain Quotes

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  • Great quotes,ditto presentation,cheers Andrew.
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Transcript

  • 1. PowerPoint Show by Andrew
  • 2. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
  • 3. Be careful when reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
  • 4. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
  • 5. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as you please.
  • 6. Last week I stated that this woman is the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
  • 7. Buy land. They’ve stopped making it.
  • 8. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
  • 9. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  • 10. A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on it’s shoes.
  • 11. When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
  • 12. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
  • 13. When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.
  • 14. Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
  • 15. We have the best government that money can buy.
  • 16. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
  • 17. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
  • 18. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
  • 19. When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
  • 20. Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
  • 21. Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?
  • 22. Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.
  • 23. Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
  • 24. The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
  • 25. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
  • 26. When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear.
  • 27. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
  • 28. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  • 29. Man was made at the end of week’s work, when God was tired.