PowerPoint Show by Andrew
A banker is a fellow who lends
you his umbrella when the sun
is shining, but wants it back the
minute it begins to rain.
Be careful when reading health
books. You may die of a misprint.
Don’t go around saying the world
owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing. It was here first.
Get your facts first, and then you
can distort them as you please.
Last week I stated that this
woman is the ugliest woman I
had ever seen. I have since been
visited by her sister and now w...
Buy land. They’ve stopped
making it.
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
Age is an issue of mind over
matter. If you don’t mind, it
doesn’t matter.
A lie can travel half way around
the world while the truth is just
putting on it’s shoes.
When you fish for love, bait with
your heart, not your brain.
I don’t like to commit myself
about heaven and hell – you see,
I have friends in both places.
When your friends begin to
flatter you on how young you
look, it’s a sure sign you’re
getting old.
Life would be infinitely happier if
we could only be born at the age
of eighty and gradually approach
eighteen.
We have the best government that
money can buy.
Never put off till tomorrow what
you can do the day after
tomorrow.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It
wastes your time, and it annoys
the pig.
It is better to remain silent and be
thought a fool, than to speak and
remove all doubt.
When I was a boy of 14, my father
was so ignorant I could hardly
stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21...
Everyone is a moon, and has a
dark side which he never shows
to anybody.
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn’t that where the fruit is?
Kindness is a language which the
deaf can hear, and the blind can see.
Patriotism is supporting your
country all the time, and your
government when it deserves it.
The more things are forbidden,
the more popular they become.
The only way to keep your health
is to eat what you don’t want,
drink what you don’t like, and do
what you’d rather not.
When angry, count to ten. When
very angry, swear.
It is better to deserve honors and
not have them than to have them
and not to deserve them.
I have never let my schooling
interfere with my education.
Man was made at the end of
week’s work, when God was tired.
Mark Twain Quotes
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Mark Twain Quotes

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Mark Twain Quotes

  1. 1. PowerPoint Show by Andrew
  2. 2. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
  3. 3. Be careful when reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
  4. 4. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
  5. 5. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as you please.
  6. 6. Last week I stated that this woman is the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
  7. 7. Buy land. They’ve stopped making it.
  8. 8. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.
  9. 9. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  10. 10. A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on it’s shoes.
  11. 11. When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
  12. 12. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
  13. 13. When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.
  14. 14. Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
  15. 15. We have the best government that money can buy.
  16. 16. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
  17. 17. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
  18. 18. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
  19. 19. When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
  20. 20. Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
  21. 21. Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?
  22. 22. Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.
  23. 23. Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
  24. 24. The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
  25. 25. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
  26. 26. When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear.
  27. 27. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
  28. 28. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  29. 29. Man was made at the end of week’s work, when God was tired.

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