Discipline

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The nature/nurture conflict gives parents and child development specialists cause for much discussion. A child's temperament and, therefore, his actions are indeed greatly affected by his gene pool. How a parent is able to deal with that child and his actions will considerably affect the outcome of his upbringing.


It is widely accepted that a child whose needs are attended with reasonable speed will learn that the world is a dependable place. This trust in others gives him the base he needs to develop trust in the most important person in the world - himself.


Some parents believe they will spoil a child if they give too much attention to the child as an infant. They do not hold the child frequently, do not believe in rocking a child, and allow the child to cry for long periods of time instead of picking him/her up. Children cannot be spoiled by parents who provide loving care. But the parents must respect themselves enough, not to allow the child to become a tyrant over them.


Parents who are realistic and consistent in their expectations of their children will raise children with firm foundations for independence. Independence for their children should be the goal of parents. What do parents need to do for their children, to show they are realistic and consistent, and to pass along the love and respect children need?


Infants' needs must be met reasonably. If a child cries, he/she is signaling he/she is either hungry, wet, or uncomfortable. A parent must attend to an infant in a reasonable time to teach the infant trust. Infants need verbal and tactile stimulation from the parent. A parent's talking, cooing, or singing to an infant increases the child's learning process. Tactile stimulation of holding and rocking are necessary for the infant's emotional health and growth.


On the practical side, infants should live in clean, safe surroundings. This includes regular baths and diaper changes, being fed regularly as directed by a physician, and receiving regular checkups and immunizations.


What a parent does for and with an infant is expanded, as the child grows older and more independent.


The older child continues to need verbal and tactile stimulation. This can be provided in the way a parent shows affection and teaches his/her child about life. The older child needs consistent care, which includes encouragement to learn by being allowed to explore his/her surroundings. When the child is school age, the parent must express encouragement of learning by being interested in his/her school attendance and progress.


As a child becomes an adolescent the parenting task becomes different, yet the same. The older child is preparing to become independent of the parent. It is at this time that realistic and consistent parenting will pay off. A child raised with respect will generally respond with respect to his/her parent.


A parent should never relax in his/her role as a parent. A parent must always be on the job to provide nurture, love, acce

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Discipline

  1. 1. http://www.fitango.com/categories.php?id=410Fitango EducationHealth TopicsDiscipline
  2. 2. 1OverviewThe nature/nurture conflict gives parents and childdevelopment specialists cause for much discussion.A childs temperament and, therefore, his actionsare indeed greatly affected by his gene pool. How aparent is able to deal with that child and hisactions will considerably affect the outcome of hisupbringing.
  3. 3. 2OverviewIt is widely accepted that a child whose needs areattended with reasonable speed will learn that theworld is a dependable place. This trust in othersgives him the base he needs to develop trust in themost important person in the world - himself.
  4. 4. 3OverviewSome parents believe they will spoil a child if theygive too much attention to the child as an infant.They do not hold the child frequently, do notbelieve in rocking a child, and allow the child to cryfor long periods of time instead of picking him/herup. Children cannot be spoiled by parents whoprovide loving care. But the parents must respectthemselves enough, not to allow the child tobecome a tyrant over them.
  5. 5. 4OverviewParents who are realistic and consistent in theirexpectations of their children will raise childrenwith firm foundations for independence.Independence for their children should be the goalof parents. What do parents need to do for theirchildren, to show they are realistic and consistent,and to pass along the love and respect childrenneed?
  6. 6. 5OverviewInfants needs must be met reasonably. If a childcries, he/she is signaling he/she is either hungry,wet, or uncomfortable. A parent must attend to aninfant in a reasonable time to teach the infanttrust. Infants need verbal and tactile stimulationfrom the parent. A parents talking, cooing, orsinging to an infant increases the childs learningprocess. Tactile stimulation of holding and rockingare necessary for the infants emotional health andgrowth.
  7. 7. 6OverviewOn the practical side, infants should live in clean,safe surroundings. This includes regular baths anddiaper changes, being fed regularly as directed by aphysician, and receiving regular checkups andimmunizations.What a parent does for and with an infant isexpanded, as the child grows older and moreindependent.
  8. 8. 7OverviewThe older child continues to need verbal andtactile stimulation. This can be provided in the waya parent shows affection and teaches his/her childabout life. The older child needs consistent care,which includes encouragement to learn by beingallowed to explore his/her surroundings. When thechild is school age, the parent must expressencouragement of learning by being interested inhis/her school attendance and progress.
  9. 9. 8OverviewAs a child becomes an adolescent the parentingtask becomes different, yet the same. The olderchild is preparing to become independent of theparent. It is at this time that realistic andconsistent parenting will pay off. A child raisedwith respect will generally respond with respect tohis/her parent.
  10. 10. 9OverviewA parent should never relax in his/her role as aparent. A parent must always be on the job toprovide nurture, love, acceptance, guidance,discipline, and the many other needs of his/herchildren. Unfortunately, many parents do not havethis knowledge. Or if they have the knowledge, donot or cannot put it to use.
  11. 11. 10OverviewThe Children’s Service Workers job with his/herclients is to retrain them in their parenting task.The younger the child they parent, the easier is ourtask. The workers must teach the parent aboutchild development, parentingtechniques, alternative discipline methods, andself-respect. The worker does not have to waituntil self-esteem is in place to begin the otherlessons. It is essential for the parents to realize selfrespect is the most important thing they canprovide the child.
  12. 12. 11OverviewA Children’s Service Worker can provide thepersonal counseling for self-esteem building andcan provide the parenting information needed.Also available are CTS providers, such as parentaides, therapists, and referrals to Parents as FirstTeachers.The earlier a parent learns how to nurture theirchild, the better chance that child and family has insucceeding.
  13. 13. 12Techniques: InfancyThe parents objectives in relation to the infant areto develop a mutually satisfactory, reciprocalrelationship and to actively help the baby learn totrust a dependable adult. Note the words"mutually satisfactory." It is as important for theparent as for the child to feel good about therelationship.
  14. 14. 13Techniques: InfancyTwo obstacles to parental satisfaction are 1) it maybe some time before the baby can respond in arecognizable way, as by smiling or laughing, and 2)the baby doesnt talk, which means he/she ispretty hard to understand. It is easy to getfrustrated by the one-sided conversation. Severalimportant parenting techniques follow.**Learn to read your baby**
  15. 15. 14Techniques: InfancyThis can be summarized by the old railroadsign: "Stop, Look, and Listen."-- Stop: Pay attention.-- Look: Facial expressions and body movementslike back arching (distress) or turning towardsomeone (usually pleasure). Among other cues,there are signs of tension or relaxation that canguide the parent.
  16. 16. 15Techniques: Infancy-- Listen: To sounds such asvocalizations, crying, gurgling.Taken together, “look” and “listen” can help theparent figure out the puzzle and can help theparent learn how to respond. If one thing does notwork, try something else. Guessing is part of thegame with infants.
  17. 17. 16Techniques: Infancy**Dont be afraid of spoiling**Babies cannot be spoiled. They do have needs andtry their best to express them - often by crying.When the parent attends to the distressedbaby, he/she is helping to instill trust - trust thatmom or dad will take care of the infant.
  18. 18. 17Techniques: Infancy**Dont be afraid of spoiling**Because some parents have little knowledge ofchild development, their expectations in the areaof infant care may be inappropriate. Many infantsare in serious danger because a parent cannotunderstand why a child cries. A childs crying isextremely frustrating to a parent when theycannot calm or hush their child.
  19. 19. 18Techniques: Infancy**Dont be afraid of spoiling**In Dr. Benjamin Spocks book "Baby and ChildCare" he devotes several pages to this subject. Hediscusses several types of infants who cry. Theinfant with colic (pain, distension, gas), periodicirritable crying (no distension), fretful baby (fretfulspells during early weeks) and hypertonic baby(tense and restless during early weeks). Dr. Spockrecommends various methods of dealing withchildrens crying from limited walking and rockingto looking for medical reasons.
  20. 20. 19Techniques: Infancy**Talk and read to the baby. **A parent can sing or hum, even recite the trafficregulations. What a parent says is less importantthan the parent saying it. Even newborns move inrhythm to the sound of a human voice. For olderbabies, the parents voice establishes thepossibility of communication and also helps thebaby to begin to understand language.
  21. 21. 20Techniques: Infancy**Deal with undesirable behavior appropriately**Being full grown means that a parent can easilyalter most baby behaviors that bothers the parent.For example, a parent can:-- Change the babys environment by turning himor her around or taking the baby to another room;
  22. 22. 21Techniques: Infancy**Deal with undesirable behavior appropriately**-- Distract the baby with a different object;-- Use motion to change the scene by walking thebaby or lifting him/her to the shoulder.
  23. 23. 22Techniques: Infancy**Dont hit, slap, or shake**The baby is still too young to understand socialrequirements. Sadly, from physical punishment thebaby learns that the people one loves can causepain and that aggression is an acceptable way toexpress feelings.
  24. 24. 23Tecniques: ToddlersFormerly horizontal (laying down), the child cannow stand/walk and is full of energy as he/shestrikes out to explore the world. As motor skillsimprove, nothing is too bizarre to try - for example,climbing up on dresser drawers or hopping out thewindow. The childs energy seems inexhaustible,especially to the caretaker, who must be on thelookout for possible dangers.
  25. 25. 24Tecniques: ToddlersAlso inexhaustible is the childs curiosity. Each newexperience is received with a burst of delight. Thetoddler can absorb all kinds of stimuli, which willbe grist for his/her developing cognitive processes.
  26. 26. 25Tecniques: ToddlersDuring this period, the child begins to give up theinfantile needs of the first year. The child leavesthe parents to explore new situations and newpeople, but continues to need to come back tothem as a place of safety.
  27. 27. 26Tecniques: ToddlersAt this time the child may also show a need tooverreact, to be overly negative in speech andbehavior, to defy, to do whatever is forbidden. Thisis another way of separating from the parents andasserting independence. It is also a response to theparents insistence on curbing dangerous orantisocial behavior.
  28. 28. 27Tecniques: ToddlersThe goals of the parent are to define the toddlersarea of functioning and keep him or her out ofdanger, to help the child begin to differentiateacceptable from unacceptable behavior, to supportthe budding sense of identity, and to help the childseparate as comfortably as possible. Basic to thesegoals, of course, is the sense of trust that wasfostered in the infant. In addition, the alert parentwill provide a range of experiences to satisfy thechilds boundless curiosity. Some useful te
  29. 29. 28Tecniques: Toddlers**Let the toddler go**Let him or her move away from the parent, thenback, over and over. Toddlers need to practicerepeatedly in order to get the feel of the newexperience, to try out their abilities, and to testhis/her parents reactions. The repeated nature ofthe performance may be annoying to parents, so ithelps to view this period as a learning time, a steptoward the separation that will be signified byschool attendance. In adult life, too, hours of drillare necessary for a finished performance, be it ty
  30. 30. 29Tecniques: Toddlers**Be ready with affection, but dont press it**Some of the time its essential for the toddler tobe the bold explorer. Eventually, the toddler willreturn to have his or her "motor" charged with thekind of affection enjoyed before.
  31. 31. 30Tecniques: Toddlers**Continue to read to the toddler**The time spent reading to the infant shouldcontinue into the toddler phase. It providesexcellent parent-child interaction and stimulatesthe childs desire to learn new things.
  32. 32. 31Tecniques: Toddlers**Continue to read to the toddler**Stay away from a tangled mass of rules. Like allchildren, the toddler needsstructure, continuity, and firmness, but theseshould arise from the way the family is organizedrather than from rules. For the toddler toremember and obey them, the few rules should beimportant and basic, such as do not turn on thestove, or no playing in the driveway.**The parent makes the decisions**
  33. 33. 32Tecniques: Toddlers**Continue to read to the toddler**Tell the toddler what will happen next and assumethat he or she will go along. Major decisions arehard for a child in this stage, which is characterizedby ambivalence. Take, for example, the situationwhere a toddler is to be examined by a doctor. Thechild may choose which ear will be examined first,but he or she should not have the say as towhether the examination occurs at all.
  34. 34. 33Tecniques: Toddlers**Realize that a toddlers ability to understand a ruledoes not imply ability to act on it**Toddlers have an amazing comprehension oflanguage and can understand most simplecommunications. At this age, however, they havenot acquired the inner control we call conscience.One can sometimes observe a child in the midst ofa forbidden act, while he or shemurmurs, "No, dont do it." Understanding andacting on the understanding are two separatethings with many months of maturing in between.
  35. 35. 34Tecniques: Toddlers**Recognize and deal with your frustrations**To handle the toddlers nos and negativebehavior, a parent needs a saving sense of humorplus the realization of what the childs behaviormeans - the beginning of independence.
  36. 36. 35Tecniques: Toddlers**Recognize and deal with your frustrations**As with most individuals, adults and childrenalike, a boost for good behavior is more effectivethan criticism for unwanted behavior. The boostmight be a pat on the back, an arm over theshoulder, a word of praise, a smile, or a kiss. Butwhat do you do when the toddler has exhaustedall patience, humor, and tolerance - especiallywhen a crucial safety rule has been brokenendangering the child?
  37. 37. 36Tecniques: Toddlers**Recognize and deal with your frustrations**This is a good time for what Thomas Gordon,founder and president of Effectiveness Training Inc.calls an "I" message - verbally expressing how youfeel and why. For example, "I get awfully upsetwhen you pinch the baby, because she may gethurt." And then a parent has to follow the "Imessage" with something to impress the child withthe seriousness of the act - keep him or her seatedfor five minutes, hold in abeyance a special treat,or something similar.
  38. 38. 37Tecniques: Toddlers**Recognize and deal with your frustrations**But in addition to talking to the child, a parentneeds a way to work out their feelings. Kids canmake parents angry. There is nothing wrong withthat. But, a parent has to find his or her own wayto handle the anger so that he/she feels better butdoesnt take it out on the toddler.**Toilet Training**
  39. 39. 38Tecniques: Toddlers**Recognize and deal with your frustrations**In his book "Baby and Child Care", Dr. BenjaminSpock goes into a lengthy discussion of toilettraining. He discusses looking for signs of a childsreadiness to train, parental attitudes, type of chair,and time frames. He concludes by recommendingtraining is best done when a child is between 18and 24 months.
  40. 40. 39Tecniques: Toddlers**Recognize and deal with your frustrations**By knowing this kind of information about theirinfants, parents can be helped by knowing theirchild is not crying on purpose to harass the parentor the childs refusal to use the potty chair is notbecause he is enjoying seeing his parent fail. Themore education parents have, the more able theyare to handle the situation in a non-punitive way.
  41. 41. 40Techniques: School-AgeThe back and forth process of separating from andreuniting with parents has been largely settled bythe time the child reaches school age, and thechild is ready for the first major step away fromhome.
  42. 42. 41Techniques: School-AgeThe new tasks are to tackle academic subjects andlearn how to get along with peers and authoritiesother than mom and dad. The child is curiousabout how things work and is willing to spendmany hours on hobbies and intriguing games. Theearly school years are the time for laying downwork attitudes that will be useful throughout thechilds life.
  43. 43. 42Techniques: School-AgeParents can do much to help. They can help thechild interpret the new world of school. When thechild has accomplished something, the parents canprovide an appreciative audience. At other timesthey can be the refuge as he or she experiencesinevitable failures. Most importantly, the parentscan assist the child in understanding and beginningto take responsibility for himself or herself.Following are some ways to do these things.
  44. 44. 43Techniques: School-Age**Communicate together**Always important, communication is vital at thisstage, if the child is to adapt to the world oflearning. Theres school, other people, and thechild himself or herself - each new encountercrammed with surprises and interestingdiscoveries that need to be discussed. Sometimesthe child will boast a bit, or a lot, at this stage. Thisis the way a child of this age continues buildingself-esteem.
  45. 45. 44Techniques: School-Age**Let the child go backward sometimes**No child can win all the time. When the childmakes a mistake and feels bad, he/she may wantto act like a baby again for a little while. Thisdoesnt last, but it can be a valuable source ofcomfort when things get tough.
  46. 46. 45Techniques: School-Age**Help the child find alternate ways of behaving**School-age children often dont give much thoughtto their actions or responses. When somethinggoes wrong and the child is hurt or in trouble as aresult, the parent can use the opportunity to talkabout the troublesome behavior and help the childunderstand. Help the child figure out other ways ofacting that might have had a happier outcome. Achild gains confidence as he learns of alternativesand chooses among them. Thus the childs limitedrepertory of behavior is expanded and at the same
  47. 47. 46Techniques: School-Age**Assign appropriate responsibilities**Children like to contribute to the family, at leastthey like it part of the time. Responsibilities withinthe childs abilities should be assigned with theexpectation that they will be carried out.
  48. 48. 47Techniques: AdolescentsThis is a stage of mixtures. The adolescent reviewsand repeats all the developmental stages to dateas he/she struggles toward adulthood. Learning totrust another person, acquiring a solid identity,addressing the question of careers - all these andmore come together for a final rerun and onehopes for settlement. Questions of intimacy,affective relationships, morality, peer associations,and life goals are tremendously important as theadolescent tries on various hats in an attempt tochoos
  49. 49. 48Techniques: AdolescentsA new element is the physical evidence ofmaturing sexuality, accompanied by strong, oftenconflicting feelings. All at once, it seems, there is anew kind of body, which is feeling and acting andthinking in strange and somewhat frighteningways. This means the adolescent must rework hisor her self-image, still distressingly fragile. Nowonder so many children are tormented by self-consciousness at this stage of life.
  50. 50. 49Techniques: AdolescentsThe adolescent goes from child to adult and backwith the speed of light. Changes in a boys voicesymbolize the adolescents status; when he openshis mouth the boy himself does not know whetherhe will sound like an eight year old Boy Scout or a28 year old football hero.
  51. 51. 50Techniques: AdolescentsThe adolescent demands more privileges andfreedoms than ever before (forexample, concerning dating and driving) but maystill have little sense of responsibility for his or heractions. At this stage much adolescent behavior isgeared to peer standards because the approval ofpeers is far more desired than parental approval.Parents are viewed as impossiblynaive, embarrassingly square, and very ancient.
  52. 52. 51Techniques: AdolescentsThe bewildering and rapid changes in theadolescent suggest that the parents role at thisstage is limited. The adolescent is again goingthrough the separation process, this time forkeeps, and must make his or her own decisions tothe greatest extent possible. The wise parent doesnot intrude except in cases of dire need, painful asit may often be to all concerned.
  53. 53. 52Techniques: AdolescentsWhat a parent can do is to maintain and upholdthe values established over the long years ofrearing the child, now an adolescent. Theadolescent can be expected to abandon thosevalues sometimes and to come back to them atother times. Important techniques for parents ofadolescents are described below.**Trust the adolescent to come through toresponsible adulthood. **
  54. 54. 53Techniques: AdolescentsThis is a tall order, especially when a parent isworried sick about the adolescentsfriends, activities, and attitudes. It is hard torepresent family values, and trust that the childwill eventually adopt them. Take hope in the factthat even adolescence cannot last forever, andthings will settle eventually.**Provide structure, limits, and standards. **
  55. 55. 54Techniques: AdolescentsImportant for a child of any age, these conceptsare crucial for the adolescent who is subject to somuch rapid change in himself or herself. Despiteobjections and defiance, the adolescent needs theknowledge that some things remain constant anddependable. Reasonable limits and standards alsohelp withstand the inevitable testing. If parents failto uphold their own commitments, the child willcontinue with more and more testing, he/she willbecome increasingly anxious if he/she perceives nob
  56. 56. 55Techniques: Adolescents**Let your affection show. **When the child reaches adolescence, evenformerly demonstrative parents may begin towithdraw physically just at the time when the childmay need such evidence of affection.
  57. 57. 56Techniques: Adolescents**Let the child go**Letting go can be hard, especially if the adolescentis the first or the last child. Just as the adolescentmust establish an identity, the parent must bewilling to permit his or her own identity to change.Following this period, the parent will no longer beessential for protecting, nurturing and teaching.His or her role with the new young adult will havea flavor of colleague to colleague.

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