Bar jokes


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Bar jokes

  1. 1. Bar JokesBar Jokes are the quintessential jokes about the drunkards with thebartender being one of the characters and patrons being the other. Some ofthem are about challenges and bets while some of them involve patronswalking in with animals. Some of them are about silly drunk people, copsand also hopeless who will do anything to get a free beer. And yeah, howcan a bar joke be complete without Irishmen!Hilarious Bar JokesTwo men drinking in a bar were boasting of how much control they had overtheir wives. The first man said, "I once beat my wife so badly that shestarted crawling on her knees and hands towards me"The second man said, "wow! that is great".The first man said, "Then she asked me to come out from under the bed".A man walks into a roof top bar of a 40 storied building, drinks heavily andjumps down from the top. Then he comes back after 5 minutes, drinksheavily and jumps down again. He does this for a couple of times till thebartender asks him, "Wow, how on earth do you manage that?"The man replaied,"After you drink, your body becomes heated up andbecause of this the air inside becomes lighter. So you can just float downfrom the top to the pavement because your body is lighter when you aredrunk".The bartender decided to try this out, gets drunk and jumps off the top ofthe building but lands on his face on the pavement below. Bruised and angryhe says to the man, "Superman, you really talk gibberish after you getdrunk".Funny Bar JokesA chimpanzee went into a bar the other week and ordered a pint of beer.Thebarman served him the drink and said "Thats £8 please". As the chimpanzeeisgiving him the cash, the bartender says "Do you know, it’s not often we getchimpanzees in here". "I’m not surprised at these prices" replied thechimpanzee.
  2. 2. One man chatting to another in a bar. The first man said “On a business triplastweek, I had a gorgeous young lady knocking on my l bedroom door allnight"."Wow" you lucky bloke" said the second man. “Not really, I was forced to lether out eventually".Bob and Harry were in a bar. Harry says "Sorry Im late. Ive just returnedfrom apleasure trip. "Oh where have you been?" asked Bob. “Just dropped the wifeoff at the airport".I had a bad argument in a bar the other day with a very large bloke whosaid that he would wipe the floor with my face. I told him that wasnt a goodidea. When he asked why I replied " You will never get into the cornersproperly".Bar JokesAn attractive woman approached a man in a bar and whispered in his ear."£50 andI will do anything you wish". He peels off two twenties and a ten, hands overthemoney to her and says "Right, go and paint my house".A man went into a bar and on his shoulder was perched a chunk of asphalt.He said tothe barman " A pint of beer for me and one for the road".Two friends are talking in a pub and one of them is not too bright. He says "You would never find me taking a holiday in the USA". "Why not?" said thesecond man. " Well they all drive on the other side of the road to here", hereplied. "Why is that a problem?" said the second man. "Well, I tried itdriving around town yesterday and it was awful". Replied the first man.Funny Bar JokesA man sits in a bar just staring at his drink for about twenty minutes. A bigguycomes up to him, takes his drink and drinks it down in one. The man startsto cry.The big guy tells him not to cry as he was only messing about and offers to
  3. 3. replace his drink. "Thats not the problem" said the man "What a day I havehad. Started off, the alarm didnt go off so I was late for work and gotsacked. Going back to my car, it wasnt there - someone had nicked it .When I got home, I realised that I must have dropped my wallet on the bus- all my money - gone. I then go upstairs tofind a note from my wife on the bed saying that shes left me. And, justwhen Ithink about killing myself, you come along and drink my cyanide.My friend and I were in the pub and decided to have a friendly game ofdarts. Hesaid "the person nearest the bull starts" I replied "Where are we going to getoneof those at this time of night.""I lost my credit card three weeks ago but havent reported it" said Joe tohismate in the pub. "Why not" asked the friend. "Well, the thief is not spendingas much as my wife did" he replied.Bar JokesA man walks into a bar with tiger and they proceed to drink so much thatthe tigerpasses out and falls to the floor. As the man is leaving, the barman shouts tohim"Hey, you cant leave that lying there". The man replies "I know im drunkbuteven I can see that it is a tiger not a lion.A man goes into a bar with his dog and bets the barman £50 that the dogcananswer his question. So the man says "what do you call the top of abuilding"? Thedog replies "roof". The barman says "I’m not paying for that" so the mansays"Okay double or nothing" and asks the dog "Who is the best baseball playerof alltime" The dog replies "Ruth". "That’s enough "says the barman who picksthemboth up and throws them out of the bar. As they hit the ground, the dog
  4. 4. turns to hisowner and says "or maybe DiMaggio".