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Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2
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Ruth's (u)OWBC Presents: Myrna, Act 2

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  • 1. Welcome back to Myrna, or, Oakapple’s Own! In Act I, we learned that all the girls werein love with Oakapple Shankel because he looks and acts just like Edwin Collins fromThe Gloaming. Oakapple revealed that he deliberately cultivates the resemblance toattract girls. However, his ruse was unsuccessful in attracting the girl he really wanted,Myrna Sanders, since Myrna has loved Oakapple’s brother Old Adam since childhood.Adam loves Myrna as well, but due to the fact that Adam is a genuine vampire andtherefore nocturnal, they had not seen each other for years. Unfortunately, they reunitedonly after Myrna had read The Gloaming, and was thus unable to love a man who wouldmake her happy: The Gloaming teaches that to love is to suffer. A rejected Oakappledecided to raffle himself off, but Myrna interrupted the raffle and offered to marry him onthe grounds that such a marriage would be full of suffering. Oakapple accepted, to thedistress of his fangirls (and the delight of their former suitors), but the gathering wasinterrupted again by the appearance of Adam. Oakapple’s fangirls promptly transferredtheir affections to Adam, to the horror and frustration of everyone else. As Act II opens,all the players are thoroughly miserable – which is the epitome of true love.…Isn’t it?
  • 2. LOUISE: Oh, he’s perfect, isn’t he?HEATHER: Beautiful! As beautiful as the sun that he will never see!SAMANTHA: And he’ll never look at us mere mortals.BRENDA: Never, never, never.LOUISE: We’ll grow old and die and he’ll never even look at us like that.(All sigh deeply)
  • 3. MYRNA: Buttercup?BUTTERCUP (yawns): Oh, hey, Myrna. Good morning.MYRNA: I thought your room was that way. What are you doing comingout of Albert’s room?BUTTERCUP: Oh, you’re so sweet when you’re clueless, Myrna.(impulsively hugs her)I’m glad you’re going to be my sister-in-law. Don’t ever change, okay?MYRNA (uncertainly): Okay…MYRNA (to herself): Oh, if only I could be your sister-in-law throughyour other brother!Speaking of whom…
  • 4. OLD ADAM: Ladies, please believe me: I am much flattered by all thisadmiration. But you have been following me around since book rush,* andhere it is finals week.** I should very much like to enjoy the usual SpringBreak.GIRLS: But we love you!OLD ADAM: (sighs) Ladies, do not forget the fable of the magnet and thechurn.*Book rush (noun): The first week of classes, when everyone rushes to buy their books.**Finals week (noun): The last week of the quarter/semester, when regular classes arecancelled and there are only final exams.
  • 5. SAMANTHA: ….Wwwwwwe don’t know that one…OLD ADAM: You don’t? Then I shall tell it you. There was a magnethung in a hardware shop, and all the iron things loved him madly. But themagnet ignored them all, instead setting his sights on a silver churn. “For,”said he, “If I can attract all this ordinary metal, why can I not attract asilver churn?”LOUISE: But silver’s not magnetic. It wouldn’t work.OLD ADAM: Precisely! It couldn’t work, it didn’t work, and they were allmiserable ever after. The end.
  • 6. HEATHER: I don’t get it.OLD ADAM: What’s not to get? You ladies are all magnets; I am a silverchurn. Your efforts are doomed to failure. Be happy in your natural sphereand please leave me be!(Girls leave with bad grace)BRENDA (whispers to Louise): What did he mean, he’s a silver churn?Does he mean that he’s rich, or beautiful, or completely useless, or what?I’m confused…
  • 7. MYRNA (tentatively): Hello, Adam.OLD ADAM: Myrna! Hello! How – (remembers he’s talking to hisbrother’s fiancée) How are you? Are you well?MYRNA: I’m fine, thanks. And you?OLD ADAM: Quite well, thank you.MYRNA: Um… (studies her shoes)OLD ADAM: Yes… (studies the ceiling)MYRNA and OLD ADAM (simultaneously): Do you ever think aboutme?
  • 8. MYRNA: All the time! I’m miserable being engaged to Oakapple.OLD ADAM (joyfully): Then, Myrna – !MYRNA: No, Adam. Love is suffering. I must – I must love Oakapplevery much.OLD ADAM: Well, Myrna, if you love Oakapple so, I will not stand inyour way.MYRNA: But – you do think of me?OLD ADAM: Often.MYRNA: And it rips your heart out?OLD ADAM: Rips my heart out and stomps on it repeatedly, yes.MYRNA: That’s good. Our love can never be, but that’s good. (chokedup) Goodbye, Adam!OLD ADAM: Goodbye, my own!
  • 9. Fortunately, not everyone in the Shankel family is having trouble withtheir love life. Buttercup attended the traditional pre-graduation bonfirewith Albert, and they had a great time in spite of the drizzle. Buttercupwas even tolerant when Albert announced he was going to search forseashells.
  • 10. BUTTERCUP: Finding anything?ALBERT: Well, these aren’t exactly the best conditions…BUTTERCUP: I could have told you that. You wanna go get some juice?ALBERT: Oh, hey, wait! I found something!BUTTERCUP (surprised): You did? Let me see.
  • 11. ALBERT: Now, I don’t know that this is going to be something thatyou’re really up for, but I’d just like to remind you of the many taxadvantages of being married…BUTTERCUP: Oh, shut up.
  • 12. BUTTERCUP: I don’t give a crap about tax advantages! (sniffles) I’d’vesaid yes any time you cared to ask in the last five and a half years!ALBERT (puzzled): Since high school?BUTTERCUP (exasperated): YES since high school, you dope!ALBERT: Did we even know each other back then?*BUTTERCUP: Oh, shut up and kiss me!*They only knew each other by sight in high school. Just in case you were wondering.
  • 13. Buttercup and Albert then graduated. Neither did particularly well in theTransition Clothing Lottery.Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with Albert’s outfit – it’s justthe one his father wore his entire adult life. Nobody likes to dress like theirdad.But let’s see how Buttercup’s brothers are dealing with their romantictroubles.
  • 14. OAKAPPLE: I don’t get it, Abbey. Why doesn’t anybody like me anymore? Where are my adoring crowds?ABBEY (loyally): I’m here for you, Appie.OAKAPPLE (automatically): Don’t call me that. What does Adam havethat I don’t have? I sparkle, for Esme’s sake!ABBEY: I know, Appie, and I think you’re perfect. I’ll never leave you!OAKAPPLE: (mutters) Fan-freaking-tastic. (out loud) Don’t call me that.I don’t want Adam around, not as a vampire. He’s not all that special.Hell, he wets himself if he doesn’t get back from class fast enough!* Andeveryone’s mooning over him like he’s the next expansion pack orsomething!*True.
  • 15. ABBEY: Then what are you sitting here for?OAKAPPLE: But what can I do? He’s my brother! And he’s already dead!ABBEY: Oh, and matchmakers don’t exist? Just tell him he better buysome Vamprocillin or else!OAKAPPLE: Or else what?ABBEY: You’re his brother – you don’t have anything you can blackmailhim with?OAKAPPLE: Well…ABBEY: So you go to him and you say “Buy some Vamprocillin or else!”That’s what you do! (fondly) And then everyone will see how wonderfulmy Appie really is.OAKAPPLE (automatically): Don’t call me that.
  • 16. And because I can’t think of a good transition to the next scene, let me justpoint out that this was about the time the Unsavory Charlatan startedhanging around.I so wish he wasn’t technically an object. He’d be perfect for use inanother Plot…But let’s get back to this Plot, shall we?
  • 17. CHARLOTTE (pulling at her false vampire fangs in a futile attempt tomake them fit): Diff iff widiculouff! How awe we ffuppoffed to tawk wiffdese ffings in?DANTE: You can’t have them in wight, Chawlie. I’m doing ffine.DECARTES: Except you’re spitting on yourself when you say “fine.”DANTE: I am? Oh ffnap.CHARLOTTE: And why do I haff to weaw diff fftupid dweffff? (pausesto wipe spit off her chin) It pinches, and it’ff inpoffffibwe to wawk in.DECARTES: It’s going to take some practice, is all. You can’t govampiric overnight, y’know. We’ll practice on the way over.
  • 18. DECARTES: Okay, count of three: one… two… three. (disgusted) Oh,come on, Don! You call that a scary vampire face?DANTE (defensively): I have nine Nice pointff! I don’t want to scaweanyone!DECARTES: I just hope they forgive us, that’s all. Let’s go in.
  • 19. SAMANTHA: Squeeeeee! Look, Louise! They’re trying to be vampires!Isn’t it adorable?LOUISE: Ooooh, yes! They don’t quite have it down yet…SAMANTHA: Oh no, not quite. But they’ve made a very good start.DECARTES: Ladies, we want you to know that we are doing this for you.LOUISE: For us?DECARTES: Yes, for you. We know that we don’t quite have it right, butwe hope that you will be patient with us, and teach us the correct way todo things.
  • 20. LOUISE: Oh, I think we can do that, don’t you, Sam?SAMANTHA: Yes, we can do that.LOUISE: And once you get it quite right, then we’d be happy to marryyou.CHARLOTTE: Nawwy uff! Uh – nawwy who, effactly?
  • 21. DECARTES: Oh, it will all work out. (pointing as he speaks) See, if Ichoose to marry you then you can marry her. But if I chose to marry youinstead, then you can marry her. Or maybe I’ll pick someone else entirely.CHARLOTTE (huffily): Why do you get fiwfft pick?DECARTES (matter-of-factly): Because I am made of Awesome.CHARLOTTE: Oh, wight.DANTE: Wait, I’m confuffed.
  • 22. DECARTES: No no no, it’s really simple. Look, if I decide to marryLouise, then Don can marry Samantha.CHARLOTTE: What abouwt ne?DESCARTES and DANTE: You’ll have our heartfelt sympathy.** Or “ouw hawfewt ffympaffy” in Dante’s case.
  • 23. DECARTES: Or if I decide that I’d rather have Samantha, then Charliecan have Louise.DANTE: Wait – what about me?DESCARTES and CHARLOTTE: You’ll have our heartfelt sympathy.**** Actually “ouw heawtfewt ffynpaffffy” in Charlie’s case.
  • 24. DECARTES: Or, option three, I don’t take either one of them. ThenCharlie can have Louise, and Don can have Samantha, and I’ll have –CHARLOTTE and DANTE: Ouw hawtffewt ffffynpaffffy.DANTE: Quite ffpitting on me, Chawlie.DECARTES (ignoring Dante): See, easy as pie.
  • 25. Would you like to keep a vampire alive at Uni? It’s not easy.You need multiple tricks at your disposal.
  • 26. Trick #1: A locked door.This prevents anyone from sleeping in the coffin when your vampireneeds it to prevent instant death.
  • 27. Trick #2: A carefully designed dorm room.This means that if the vampire gets out of their coffin to take care ofsomething, they don’t have to go very far to do it. I recommend springingfor the really expensive toilet, since you can raise both Comfort andBladder with it. Don’t bother with a tub – showers are much faster.
  • 28. Trick #3: Pizza.Nothing raises a Hunger bar faster than pizza – nothing. It will keepforever in a Sim’s inventory, so one pizza can last up to half a semester.
  • 29. Adam’s pizza comes from Cham Hoh Greek House, courtesy of Edgar.SAMANTHA: Thanks, Eddie! I don’t know what we’d do if he starved todeath. (sighs) Did I tell you he’s perfect?EDGAR (politely): Really? Well, you let me know any time you needmore. I get the stuff free – it’s practically coming out my ears at this point.But playing a vampire through Uni is hard work. Which is why I’m veryglad that Oakapple took Abbey’s advice.
  • 30. OAKAPPLE: So listen. All the girls like you better because you’re anactual vampire, and that really burns my biscuits. They’re supposed to likeme.OLD ADAM: But Myrna loves you. Is that not enough?
  • 31. OAKAPPLE: No. And anyway, Myrna loves you. She’s just going tomarry me. So I bought you this Vamprocillin, and you’re gonna turn mevampire and then drink it.OLD ADAM: I am not.OAKAPPLE: You are too. Unless you want me to tell Mom about –OLD ADAM: Gimme that.
  • 32. OLD ADAM: O, that is much better! Truly, I have not felt so alive inyears! Thank you, Oakapple! You are the best brother a man could hopefor, and I love you. (skips off, singing) “Conceive me if you can, Aneveryday young man, A commonplace type, With a stick and a pipe, Anda half-bred Black-and-Tan!”
  • 33. OAKAPPLE: Myrna! Myrna! I’m a vampire now! A real vampire, justlike Adam! You can love me now, it’s okay!MYRNA: A… real vampire.OAKAPPLE: Uh-huh!MYRNA: And how long will you be one?OAKAPPLE: Oh, I dunno. Vampires are immortal, right? So pretty muchforever, unless I get caught out in the sunlight or staked.MYRNA: Well… Oakapple… How to put this? You see, it was never thevampire thing that I liked about Adam…
  • 34. LOUISE: We graduated!SAMANTHA: We’re done!LOUISE: We’re just here to say goodbye before we head back home.SAMANTHA: Don and Charlie and Descartes are here to help us move.Aren’t they sweet?
  • 35. OAKAPPLE: I – You – But – What happened?!SAMANTHA: Adam’s not a vampire anymore. And if Adam the All-Right isn’t a vampire anymore, that means that vampires aren’t coolanymore. Because Adam the All-Right is never wrong.MYRNA: Adam? You’re ordinary again?OLD ADAM: Yes, Myrna. I am ordinary.
  • 36. MYRNA (thinking fast): So does that mean you’re going to be aplatefarter now?OLD ADAM (puzzled): I’m sorry, Myrna, but I would rather becomeviolently constipated and require abdominal surgery than become aplatefarter. Why do you ask?
  • 37. MYRNA: Because I’ll be absolutely miserable if I can’t marry aplatefarter. In fact, that is what I’ve always wanted most out of life. Andsince Oakapple is a notorious platefarter, I would be deliriously happywith him.OAKAPPLE: No, I’m not!MYRNA (ignoring him): But deliriously happy isn’t love, is it?OLD ADAM: No?MYRNA: No. So I guess I’ll just have to marry you instead, then. Andyou will never fart on even one plate and I will be miserable for ever andever.
  • 38. OLD ADAM: I suppose I could learn – (catches sight of Myrna’s face) Ornot. No, I will never be a platefarter for you, Myrna! I’m sorry.MYRNA: Squeeeeeee!
  • 39. OAKAPPLE: Wait, so does this mean the engagement’s off?EVERYONE ELSE: Yes.OAKAPPLE: But what about me?
  • 40. ABBEY: I’m here for you, Appie!OAKAPPLE: Anyone else? Louise?
  • 41. LOUISE: Charlotte, darling!OAKAPPLE: Samantha?
  • 42. SAMANTHA: Dante!OAKAPPLE (desperately): Ollie? Come on, be a pal!
  • 43. OLIVER (much amused): You were very specific, Oakapple. “Ladiesonly.”OAKAPPLE (grumbles): Okay, okay. (resignedly) Well, Abbey, it’s youand me til the end. I guess.ABBEY: Appie!OAKAPPLE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t call me that.
  • 44. DECARTES: Well, ladies – I have decided.SAMANTHA: Decided what?DECARTES: Decided who I’m going to marry, of course. Hands up allthe hot girls.(Everyone raises a hand except Myrna and Abbey)
  • 45. DECARTES: There, see? You already have everything you need to behappy. It’s only fair that I share my sheer awesomeness with the girl whocould use a little boost. Abbey?ABBEY: Me? Really? You want to marry me?DECARTES: Yup.ABBEY: Sa-weet! Sorry, Appie. We can always be friends.
  • 46. Now, this is where the opera ends, with almost everyone paired offhappily. But this is not a theatrical production, and my heir has to finishUniversity for my OWBC. If you will allow me a quick disclaimer here:Old Adam is not the heir because he is marrying Myrna – he is marryingMyrna because he is the heir. There was an Official heir poll right afterOakapple was born, and Old Adam won by a landslide, probably due tohis recessive red hair gene. I then chose a Plot that would work with theavailable configuration of Sims.When I introduced Myrna and said “…the heir to my OWBC will be theone who marries her,” that was a statement of fact, not a condition ofheirship.
  • 47. And for those who may not believe that Adam is an author, here is proofthat he is not only published, but that he writes best-sellers.Hey, what else is there to do when the rest of the household is asleep andyour needs don’t decay?
  • 48. The next little while was an idyllic one for Adam and Myra, filled withRed Hands, dates, and simultaneous badge-building. Adam’s junior yearre-roll left him Knowledge, which made the study even more fun.Have I mentioned that my game likes me? It’s helping me out yet again,although with points instead of Plot this time.
  • 49. Myrna finished out her Senior year with a Silver Robotic Badge, whichyou have to admit isn’t bad for starting from zero.
  • 50. Myrna’s twin sister Louise graduated at the same time, naturally enough,as did Samantha. All three did quite well in the Transition ClothingLottery, and apparently sweater sets are the hot item this season. Louiseand Samantha will get on with their lives right away, but since Myrna is ayear older than Adam, she will spend her time at her parents’ house, doingher best to not gain any more skill points.
  • 51. And to maintain continuity with later events, I should probably point outthat this is also when Eddie graduated, leaving Cham Hoh house in theless-than-stable hands of Jay Cormier.
  • 52. Now, Oliver and Adam were no problem at all for the rest of their time atschool. Both spent their time studying quietly, and could often gainaspiration points by doing research together.
  • 53. Old Adam even finished his Gold Robotics Badge! That means that he’scompleted most of his responsibilities as heir, and he hasn’t evengraduated yet. Now he just has to pop in to the family business once a day,father three children, and pose for a portrait or two.Oh, and preferably become pregnant after being abducted by aliens. Hey,being heir isn’t all strawberries and cream.No, the problem was Oakapple. He didn’t take the loss of his popularityvery well, to say the least.
  • 54. There was drinking.OAKAPPLE: Barkeep, I will have two bottles of whateeeeever gives themost juice content for my money.BARTENDER: I can’t serve you, sir.OAKAPPLE: Nonsensensei. I’m legal.BARTENDER: You’re also hammered.OAKAPPLE: Am not.BARTENDER: I can’t serve you, sir.OAKAPPLE: (sniffs) Very well. I will take my money and goelsssssewhere. (attempts to stand, but falls over instead) Whoops.
  • 55. And, unfortunately, makeovers performed under the influence of juice.TOO-TRUSTING DORMIE: What did you do to me?OAKAPPLE: Yeah, see, I thought it’d be funny…TOO-TRUSTING DORMIE: Why would this be funny?! I should haveknown better than to let someone who smells like a brewery anywherenear me with a makeup case!OAKAPPLE (sullenly): Well, you have to admit it’s an imp – inp – it’sbetter than you used to look, anyhow.TOO-TRUSTING DORMIE: !!!! (flounces off)
  • 56. There were fights.
  • 57. There were angry women.OAKAPPLE: Ow! Hey! What was that for?HEATHER: You mean you don’t even remember?!OAKAPPLE: Remember what?HEATHER (slaps him again, harder): You bastard! Don’t you ever eventhink about calling me again!
  • 58. Eventually, Adam and Oliver decided to intervene.OLIVER: Oakapple, we’re worried about you.OLD ADAM: You seem to be always on the juice now. And we think thatperhaps your bubble habit is out of control as well.OAKAPPLE (sulkily): What bubble habit? Buttercup won’t give meanything. She hates me.OLD ADAM: Buttercup does not hate you.OAKAPPLE: Yes she does. Everybody hates me.OLD ADAM: That is simply not true.
  • 59. OAKAPPLE: Yes it is! Why do you think I drink so much? You wouldn’tunderstand – everybody loves you! All the girls love you! Myrna lovesyou! You have friends! You write best-sellers! I bet – I bet if there was avote to see who everybody liked better, you’d get all the votes and Iwouldn’t get any at all! Not even one! Nobody loves me, and I hate youfor it!OLD ADAM: I love you, Oakapple.OAKAPPLE: Oh, big whoop. (starts to cry) It’s not fair. All I want is forone person to love me, one person who isn’t related to me to think I’mgreat and to want to be with me and to give a rat’s backside what happensto me. Is that too much to ask? Huh?
  • 60. OLD ADAM: No, of course it is not too much to ask! Everyone deservesthat kind of happiness! And I am sure you will find it.OAKAPPLE: No I won’t.OLD ADAM: Yes, you will. I will make it my personal mission in life tofind just such a person for you.OAKAPPLE: (sniffles) You will?OLD ADAM: I swear it. All you need to do is to tell me if you prefereternal happiness in blonde, brunette, red, or raven.OAKAPPLE: You won’t find anybody.OLD ADAM: Oakapple, did not you yourself say that I cannot fail?OAKAPPLE: Sort of… I guess…OLD ADAM: Then cheer up, and leave all in my hands! And, uh, gobrush your teeth while you’re about it.
  • 61. So Oakapple brushed his teeth, and sobered up enough to avoid academicprobation. Adam and Oliver rarely left him alone, which Oakapplesecretly found comforting. He began looking for things other than juicethat made him happy. Fish worked.OAKAPPLE: Hi, fishies! Are you liking your fish food? Yeah? Is thatgood? Hey, there, little guy! Are you happy to see me? (confidingly, toOliver) The little blue guy in the back likes me, I think. See how he keepspeeking out from behind the plant?OLIVER: Yup. It’s like he’s playing peek-a-boo.Poetry also worked.
  • 62. Oakapple even wrote a book of poetry, which, although not a completeflop, didn’t sell as well as Adam’s. I’m sure this sample will explain why.Oh, Hollow! Hollow! Hollow!What time the poet hath hymnedThe writhing maid, lithe-limbed,Quivering on amaranthine asphodel,How can he paint her woes,Knowing, as well he knows,That all can be set right with calomel?**W. S. Gilbert, Patience, act 1, scene 4. Available fromhttp://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/patience/webop/pat04d.html; accessed 2 May 2011.
  • 63. In fact, with the help of Oliver and Adam, Oakapple was able to hold ittogether well enough to graduate. (Oliver and Adam had no difficulty inthat regard.)They all did better than could have been but not as well as might be in theTransition Clothing Lottery, and all three moved back home. Which bringsus to the very end of this chapter.I hope you enjoyed this special crossover feature. If you didn’t, well, nexttime around you’ll only have to read about your preferred cast ofcharacters, and perhaps you will forgive me someday.
  • 64. Notes, disclaimers, and other triviaThis special two-episode crossover was based on Patience, or,Bunthorne’s Bride, a Gilbert & Sullivan opera. In that story, the two maleleads are poets from competing subsets of the Aesthetic movement. (It wasa huge fad in Victorian England. Think Oscar Wilde.) I chose not toadhere strictly to the whole “poet” thing because 1) nobody would get it,and 2) it would be darn near impossible without a ton of custom content –and I play without downloads. I picked vampires instead because I feelmuch the same way about Twilight-style vampires as Gilbert felt aboutAesthetic poets. If you are a Twilight fan, we’ll just have to agree todisagree.
  • 65. I have deleted one scene from the opera, in which one of the RapturousMaidens (Oakapple Fangirls in this version) worries that she is getting tooold and fat to attract a man anymore. This is an accurate assessment of hersituation, but since I’m using immortal dormies and young playables, itisn’t really relevant to my story.
  • 66. Not all the scenes in this story correspond to scenes in the original opera.However, you can pretty much bet on any scene involvingMyrna/Oakapple, Myrna/Old Adam, and/or Charlie/Don/Descartes beingone of the scenes that does correspond. If you’re interested, I can give youa one-to-one equivalency key. But it would be faster and more enjoyablefor you to simply rent a filmed version of the original from your locallibrary, video store, or Netflix-equivalent. I will, however, provide youwith a cast list.
  • 67. Reginald Bunthorne, a Fleshly Poet (comic baritone): Oakapple ShankelArchibald Grosvenor, an Idyllic Poet (lyric baritone): Old Adam ShankelPatience, a Dairy Maid (soprano): Myrna SandersLieutenant the Duke of Dunstable, Officer of Dragoon Guards (tenor):Descartes LittledragonColonel Calverley, Officer of Dragoon Guards (bass-baritone): Dante MillerMajor Murgatroyd, Officer of Dragoon Guards (baritone): Charlotte MillerThe Lady Angela, a Rapturous Maiden (mezzo-soprano): Samantha LittledragonThe Lady Saphir, a Rapturous Maiden (mezzo-soprano or soprano): LouiseSandersThe Lady Jane, a Rapturous Maiden (contralto): Abbey TsvirkunovMr. Bunthorne’s Solicitor (silent): Buttercup Shankel
  • 68. The song Oakapple sings and dances to is “Barbie Girl” by Aqua. It is nota Gilbert & Sullivan original. Although it does make about as much senseas some of their work…The song Old Adam sings is “When I go out of door,” from Patience. It issung after Bunthorne convinces Grosvenor to give up being a poet bythreatening to curse him if he doesn’t. Grosvenor doesn’t really believe inmagic, but has been wanting a suitable pretext to stop being a poet for awhile. A “Black-and-Tan” is a particular breed of dog.There are two more verses to “Oakapple’s” poem, but I have spared you.
  • 69. Gawaine Goodytwoshoes is from The Squeaky Clean Legacy byprofessorbutters.Zane Devereaux is from The Devereaux Legacy by peasant007.Spider Jerusalem Vetinari is from The Vetinari Duelegacy byDrSupremeNerd.Rolley Wonglepong is from Fair Dinkum Flamingos by joandsarah77.Ichabod Marmite is from The Marmites: love ‘em or hate ‘em bywonderfulweirdo.Go read them all – you won’t regret it.
  • 70. For my Already in Progress readers, Descartes and Abbey’s relationshipwas never in any danger. Abbey was rolling purple heart and shiny ringWants as early as Junior year, and she was the one who initiated the kissthat made them fall in love. Any uncertainty here was entirely due to yourstruly and was introduced for reasons of Plot.Until next time, Happy Simming!

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