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  • 1. Lynda’s Lie By PS Henderson How delightful are the pleasures of the imagination! In those delectable moments, the whole world is ours; not a single creature resists us, we devastate the world, we repopulate it with new objects which, in turn, we immolate. The means to every crime is ours, and we employ them all, we multiply the horror a hundredfold. Marquis De Sade 1
  • 2. You are free: to Share — to copy, distribute and transmit the work Under the following conditions: Attribution — You must attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor (but not in any way that suggests that they endorse you or your use of the work). Noncommercial — You may not use this work for commercial purposes. No Derivative Works — You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work. With the understanding that: Waiver — Any of the above conditions can be waived if you get permission from the copyright holder. Other Rights — In no way are any of the following rights affected by the license: Your fair dealing or fair use rights; The author's moral rights; Rights other persons may have either in the work itself or in how the work is used, such as publicity or privacy rights. Notice — For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work. The best way to do this is with a link to this web page. 2
  • 3. E dan‟s Truth Hello dear Reader, let me introduce myself. I am a highly intelligent, Caucasian male in his early twenties…I have above average looks, I know I‟m attractive to women…and I can leave you in a pool of blood and a universe of pain before you could utter a sound. That‟s right…I‟m a killer. Oh, I don‟t kill just anyone…I always have my reasons. Those reasons just might not agree with you, and your fucked up ideas of morality. But more on this subject later. Right now dear Reader, you are my willing accomplice in this twisted, sick, and gloriously fucking awesome story. The story of my life. I intend to make you watch…make you unable to look away from the blood and semen spattered canvas of my life. I intend to take you by the hand and force you to smell, taste, and touch the dark beauty of my life‟s work. Come into my world. The world of Edan Grahame. 3
  • 4. P rologue London, England Summer of 1990 The slender framed boy stood and watched the beetle crawl across the rotted body of a dead cat. The wind gently ruffled his short black hair. He picked up a stick and poked at it. More beetles swarmed out of its body cavity. The English summer sun gently shined down on him causing a small bead of sweat to appear on his lip. Edan sat down beside the dead animal. Fascinated, he pushed one of its eyelids up and tried to pop out the cat‟s glazed over eye. “Edan this is boring.” “Shut up Kyle. I‟m practicing.” Kyle, a heavy set boy with sandy colored hair stood behind Edan. “For what? To be a doctor something?” “No you tit. I‟m an evil murderer looking for his next victim.” Edan stood up and turned around so quickly that Kyle fell on his bottom. 4
  • 5. “Edan stop it!” “Or what? You‟ll tell on me?” “Maybe.” Kyle stood up and rubbed his backside. “And who would that be? Your mum and dad are always too pissed to care if you live or die.” Kyle‟s chubby face crumpled into tears. “Stop crying like some girl or I really will hurt you.” Kyle wiped his tears away quickly. “Is that better?” Kyle asked sheepishly. “Yeah I guess. Now all because of you I‟m bored. Let‟s go to our special spot.” Kyle nodded miserably. He hated the woods behind Edan‟s house. Both boys, each five years old, lived in different worlds. Kyle came from a poor working class family that had lived for generations in poverty on London‟s east side. Each day since school had let up, he fought his way to the affluent west side where Edan lived. They met when Kyle‟s mother had applied to be a maid for the Grahame‟s, Edan‟s parents. She was let go after only two weeks because one morning they found her passed out drunk in the kitchen. By then, Kyle was entranced by Edan and his peculiarities like practicing on dead animals. 5
  • 6. In Kyle‟s opinion though, that was much better than the special spot and what Edan liked to do to him there. Right now, walking behind his friend, Kyle was wishing he‟d kept his mouth shut. “Kyle, you go and wait for me. I need to check in with mum before she starts looking for me.” While Kyle went around to the back of the Grahame‟s stately home, Edan playfully whistled and walked up the red brick stairway entering his home. He walked through rooms full of plush furniture and expensive antiques until he found his mother lying on her bed with a bath cloth over her eyes. “Mum?” “Edan where were you off to so early? I worry so much about you. I think I worried myself into another sick headache.” “I‟m sorry mummy.” Edan gently patted her hand. Olivia Grahame was the true definition of an upper-class Englishwoman. She made sure that on the outside, the woman that London society saw was proper and above all, discrete. But on the inside she was eaten up with the mental pain inflicted upon her by her husband, Trevor. Edan worshipped her and hated his father. “Your father wants you cleaned up because you will be going with him to one of his meetings tonight.” Edan clenched his fists. 6
  • 7. Can I go outside and play with Kyle out back until then?” “Yes, but no later than half-past six. Please, do as mummy asks.” “I will.” “That‟s my good boy.” Edan walked to the kitchen. His small face was hard and angry. He opened the drawer where cook kept her utensils and took out a small paring knife. He put it into the pocket of his pants. He smiled and whistled while heading out back towards the special spot where Kyle waited. Edan waved at the gardener who was busy pruning his mother‟s prized rose bushes. Kyle waited nervously for his friend. Maybe he wouldn‟t have to do anything today. Usually, Edan liked Kyle to get naked so he could poke around and practice on him. The last time Edan put a stick up his bum and he was still sore. Edan had laughed until he cried at the sight of his fat friend crawling on all fours like a dog, with a stick poking out of his backside. Sometimes Edan would put his penis into Kyle‟s mouth just to see how long it would take to make him gag. Kyle heard the whistling coming his way and his stomach tightened up inside. “Kyle! Am I your best mate or what?” “What?” Kyle said confused. 7
  • 8. Edan punched him in the chest. “I said you stupid fat pig, am I your best mate?” Scared of what might be coming Kyle hastily agreed. “Yes, of course you are Edan.” “Good. Strip it all off then.” Kyle, resigned to his fate, took off his clothes. “It‟s not the stick again, is it? I just barely stopped bleeding.” “Stop whining. I swear to God you must be a girl. And no it‟s not the stick. Today I have something even more interesting to practice.” Kyle sat on the ground, and shivered more from fear than from the shadows of the trees that blocked out the sun. Edan took the small knife out of his pocket. Quickly, he made a small cut on Kyle‟s arm. He cried out in pain. “Shut it. I need to see how long it takes a person to stop bleeding and you have enough fat to cut on all day without killing you.” Edan cut a larger gash in the top of Kyle‟s leg. He started to cry but he didn‟t try to stop Edan. He was too afraid to say no. Soon, he was covered with bloody slashes all over his body. He grew faint from the loss of blood and lay down on the damp ground. 8
  • 9. The sun was starting to set. Edan had to hurry. He bent down and put the knife under Kyle‟s tiny penis and testicles. Kyle tried to move, but he was too weak. “Ever since we met you‟ve been crying like some stupid girl. Now, you‟re going to look like one, too.” Kyle blacked out as soon as Edan started to saw through his genitals. When he finally had them cut off, he stuffed the mess into Kyle‟s mouth and left. Whistling, he walked casually back to the house, tossed the knife into the kitchen dishwasher and rushed upstairs to clean up. While getting dressed in clean clothes, he could hear his father yelling at his mother. Trevor Grahame was a brutal man that enjoyed seeing his frail wife cower in fear whenever he decided to come home. “Olivia! Get your ass out of bed, now!” he yelled. She jumped up and clutching her robe around her thin frame nervously, hurried into the dining room. Trevor pointed at the empty table. “What‟s not there?!” Olivia stood there while tears flowed silently down her face. “Do you see food there? Do you see a bloody drink waiting for me?!” he thundered at her. 9
  • 10. She shook her head. Olivia had been an unwilling player in this scene or variations like it for years. Trevor opened a whisky bottle and poured a generous glass for himself. “Olivia, there are three things a man expects when he gets married. Food, drink, and sex. All three of which you have failed at miserably.” He downed the drink and poured another. “Is my son ready? Or did you fuck that up, too?” Olivia walked into the living room and called up the stairs. “Edan, sweetheart, are you ready like mummy asked?” Edan slowly walked down the stairs and stopped to hug his mother. “Edan get away from that stupid bitch! You‟ll never grow into a real man unless you get out from behind your mum‟s skirt.” Edan looked small and helpless to Olivia when he left with his father. As soon as it was safe, she took a Valium, and went back to bed. Olivia‟s only safe haven was sleep. Trevor‟s business meetings were not with his associates at the bank he directed. His meetings were with some unfortunate prostitute he‟d bought for the night. Edan had been watching the sadomasochistic games his father was addicted to since he was three. 10
  • 11. At first he was terrified but then gradually his terror turned into disdain for the women on the painful end of his father‟s whip. Even at his young age he wondered why these kind of women would willingly allow his father to use them like that. To Edan, they must somehow deserve it. Maybe God was punishing them for not behaving like they should. His mother would never lower herself to this level he reasoned. On this night however, he watched quietly lost in thought. He thought about Kyle lying dead in their special spot. Edan wondered when the bugs would start to eat him. The next morning Edan rushed out and checked Kyle‟s body. He had turned blue and was getting stiff. Black ants were crawling in and out of his mouth. Edan heard voices coming his way and ran back home to hide. It was an elderly couple out for a walk through the woods than morning that discovered Kyle‟s body. An intense manhunt hit the poorer sections of London like a bomb. A monster was loose and had tortured one of their own to death. 11
  • 12. L ondon, England Winter of 1995 Edan, now ten years old, rarely let a day go by without dwelling on what he did to his friend Kyle. He was the monster the police were still looking for, the monster that the reporters on the telly were still talking about and he was the monster his mother had cried for days about. Edan was guilt ridden about upsetting his mother. He still couldn‟t go anywhere alone. The monster might get him too. He walked slightly ahead of his nanny on the way home from school. He dragged his school bag on the ground. It left tracks in the dirty snow. His ears and nose were bright red from the bitter February cold. Edan walked through the gate and ran up the steps. “Mum! Can I have a chocolate? Please I‟m frozen.” He called out running into the house. He tossed his book bag, coat, boots and scarf into a corner by the door. The house was unusually quiet. “Mum?” Edan said again. 12
  • 13. He walked into his parent‟s bedroom. She wasn‟t in her usual spot. No one was in the kitchen either, which meant no hot chocolate for a very cold Edan. “Shit!” He swore out loud. “Watch your language young man.” Cook said, coming out of the pantry. “Or what, old woman? My father, your boss, let‟s me talk as I please. Now do your job and get me a chocolate.” He sat down at the table. The Grahame‟s cook was a robust older woman with a no nonsense attitude. She sighed loudly but did as the young boy demanded. “Where‟s my mum?” “Now that‟s a question, isn‟t it?” “What you mean?” Edan asked. “Here, drink your chocolate and mind your business, that‟s what I mean.” She set the mug in front of him and busied herself in the pantry again. Edan sipped the hot, sugary sweet brown liquid slowly. Gradually, its warmth spread from his stomach to his fingers and toes. Just as he was finishing, he heard a sound coming from upstairs. 13
  • 14. Edan put the mug down and listened closely. He heard the soft thump again. It sounded like someone was in one of the upstairs guest bedrooms. It was the maids day off and his nanny lived in a guest cottage, so he couldn‟t imagine who it could be. His natural ten year old curiosity took over and he quietly walked into the living room. He stopped by the staircase banister and listened again. Nothing. Maybe he‟d imagined it. Then he heard a soft feminine giggle. It had to be the maid or the nanny up to no good. Determined to catch one of them, Edan crept quietly up the stairs. He stopped on the landing. Now he could hear a man‟s voice coming from a room at the end of the hall to his right. He walked up to the door and put his ear against it. Olivia Grahame would have never dreamed her son would be listening to her and her lover through the door. Three months earlier, right before the holidays, Trevor had hired a young man to help with some projects around the estate. Christopher was in his late twenties and a struggling artist. In spite of her upbringing and disaster of a marriage, Olivia was quick to notice his long, lean body and rugged good looks. At first, she would secretly watch him work from her bedroom window. Then she started taking better care of her hair and dress just in case they should meet one day. 14
  • 15. Then it happened. On Boxing Day, Christopher and the other staff had gathered in the dining room, as per Grahame family custom, to be served by the lady of the house, Olivia. That day, after afternoon tea, they talked, hesitantly at first, but gradually the conversation grew stronger. And so did the attraction. Olivia allowed herself to be swept away by Christopher‟s raw, sexual magnetism. For the first and only time in her life, a man‟s touch made her feel alive and beautiful rather than degraded and used. However, she knew the secret trysts between them could never last. Theirs was a doomed love, one destined to end in disaster. This, while she at the moment was savoring the taste of Christopher‟s body, was waiting for her in the shape of her ten year old son. Edan had snuck in and sat on the floor watching his mum doing things he thought only his father‟s bad women did. While sitting there on the cold, hard floor, shock quickly turned into rage. And the force behind that rage broke his young heart in two. After the break, silence filled his being. The pain was replaced with the rationalization that he was not the monster after all. It was his mother. She‟d deceived him for years and worst of all, she‟d proven his father was right. He left the room and quietly shut the door behind him. He also shut the door on what was left of his childhood. Edan 15
  • 16. went straight to his mother‟s room, sat on her bed and waited. Then he made a decision, went to the kitchen and came back. Standing by the window, his hand played with something in his pocket. Olivia came in soon after, humming an old favorite love song. When she saw Edan, she nearly jumped out of her skin. “Edan, sweetie, I didn‟t realize you were home yet.” “Obviously.” He said dryly. The front door slammed shut. “Must be the wind, don‟t you think, mother?” Olivia sat on the edge of her bed. “Come here to mummy, Edan. Tell her what‟s wrong.” Edan slowly walked over to his mother. His right hand was still in his pants pocket. Olivia patted the bed beside her. “Sit beside me, dear.” “I don‟t think so mother. You don‟t smell so good right now.” Olivia pulled her bath robe around her tighter. “Edan stop that! You sound like your father and I don‟t like it.” Edan crawled up on the bed until he was right behind his mother. Standing up on his knees, he put his hands on her shoulders. He bent down close to her neck. 16
  • 17. “Would my father like the way you smell right now?” “Edan I said stop it!” She slapped at one of his hands. “Don‟t touch me with those dirty hands. I saw you mother. I saw you!” Edan‟s young voice quivered with rage. His fingers dug into her shoulders. Olivia started to cry. “Edan you are too young to understand some things.” She turned on the bed and faced him. “Christopher and I love each other darling. That‟s what you saw. We were making love.” Olivia reached out to touch his face. He pulled back. “No, what I saw was you with some bloke‟s dick in your mouth.” She slapped him hard across the face. “You have no idea what you are talking about!” Olivia yelled. She moved up on the bed and lay down on a pillow. She curled up in the fetal position. Edan wiped the blood away from his busted lip. “You know what I do understand, mother. I understand that for years I‟ve been watching women do to my father what you did to your so-called beloved Christopher.” Edan said sarcastically. Olivia cried harder. 17
  • 18. “And you…I thought you weren‟t like that…but no you‟ve just proved to me that women are all alike. I don‟t love you, mother…I hate you.” Olivia cried out louder. Edan took the knife out of his pocket. He moved up behind his mother. Gently he moved her hair away from her neck. Olivia grabbed his left hand and kissed it. Tears ran down Edan‟s face as he plunged the knife into his mother‟s exposed neck. He stabbed her until he was covered in her blood. Calmly he went upstairs and showered. He tossed the clothes into the furnace. Later that night, watching from his bedroom window, he whistled as he watched Christopher being handcuffed and taken away. On the news the next morning, he learned Christopher was charged with the rape and murder of Olivia Grahame. 18
  • 19. H ouston, Texas Summer of 1997 “Inside the Harris County courthouse, the young offender, who is we have learned a citizen of the UK, is hearing what his fate will be for the double homicide he was involved in earlier this month.” The pretty Hispanic reporter said to the millions of Houstonians that were following the news with morbid fascination. Outside the courthouse, reporters and onlookers could be seen for miles. In stark contrast, the courtroom where Edan Grahame sat waiting was dead quiet. The judge sighed loudly. “The best I can do with this mess is to remand this young man over to the custody of the CRTC. When they find some of his family, then he‟ll be deported back to Britain.” He slammed the gavel down. It was over. The Corsicana Residential Treatment Center was officially under the jurisdiction of the Texas Youth Commission as a place to rehabilitate violent adolescents and children. Unofficially it was considered to be a daycare center for future prisoners in the adult correctional system. 19
  • 20. Edan was escorted out of a back entrance to a bus waiting to transport him to his new temporary home. He was drenched in sweat immediately. His white jumpsuit stuck to his skin. Edan felt the letters TYC on the back of it burning into him as if they had been branded on him permanently. He felt like throwing up from the heat. When the bus stopped in Corsicana, four hours later, Edan was barely conscious and suffered from heat exhaustion. When he woke up, he had been strapped to a cot with an IV sticking out of the top of his hand. Every muscle in his body ached and his lips were cracked and bleeding. Edan‟s eyes were almost swollen shut. He tried to speak but the pain in this throat was too excruciating. He shut his eyes again and drifted back to sleep. When Edan woke up again, a male guard was standing over him. “You feeling any better?” The tall black guard asked brusquely. Edan didn‟t say anything. His throat was still sore. “I asked you a question son, now answer!” “Fuck you.” Edan barely croaked out. “Listen boy!” The guard yelled. “You are a Texas inmate now son and not some little lord of the castle, got it!? Here you will do as you are told!” 20
  • 21. Edan closed his eyes again and once more fell into a deep sleep. The next time he opened his eyes, he felt almost normal. He sat up and looked around. His IV had been taken out and he‟d been moved to a regular cell. It was a room about six feet deep and eight feet wide. He was sitting on the bottom cot of a steel framed bunk bed and he was still in the same white jumpsuit. He heard the top bunk squeak. “Hey, you up there.” Edan said loudly. A black boy, about the same age as Edan, jumped off the end of the bunk. He walked over to the open doorway, crossed his arms and looked at Edan. “Listen, dude. I have nothing against you, but what‟s fixing to happen I can‟t stop. Just get it over with so they‟ll leave you alone.” Edan stood up as three heavily muscled, older Mexican boys entered his cell. “Beat it George.” One of them told Edan‟s roommate. He left without looking back. One blocked the front of the doorway and the other two stood in front of Edan looking down on him. The three Mexicans were members of a well known gang, the Cholo‟s, who controlled the CTRC. To make sure new inmates knew who was 21
  • 22. really in charge, the gang initiated each one by „cutting‟ them in. “What? You blokes like looking at my pretty face?” Edan said sarcastically. Instead of talking back they held Edan and cut him until he cried. It was another two weeks before he was out of the infirmary again and back in the same cell. It wasn‟t the pain but the tears that Edan couldn‟t forget. He had cried just like Kyle and just like his mum. Edan now knew what it meant to be on the other end of the knife. And he could never let that happen again. So, with time on his hands he explored the dark world where he would control the knife and it would be the victims that would cry. The world of the serial sex murderer. He took a Christian Bible he‟d been given during his stay in the infirmary and pasted his research over its pages therefore making his own „bible‟. 22
  • 23. K ing James Version The Book of Genesis Jack the Ripper Chapter 1 1 August 1888 – body of Mary Anne Nichols found – her throat slashed, her belly slit open and her vagina mutilated by stab wounds – marked the beginning of serial sex murders in criminal history. 2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. 3 Next kill – Anne Chapman found neck muscles severed, spinal column almost cut in two and she was disemboweled. Killer sent letters to police signing the name “Jack the Ripper”. 23
  • 24. 4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. 5 Next Kill – Elizabeth Stride – throat slit but was interrupted so no mutilation could occur. Immediately afterwards Catherine Eddows was found – throat slit, face disfigured, cut open from rectum to sternum, and her left kidney was taken. 6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. 7 Last kill – Mary Kelly, three months pregnant, killed and butchered – breasts and nose cut off -disemboweled and the flesh was sliced off of her legs. 8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. 9 Then the Ripper disappears from history. HE IS NEVER CAUGHT! 1 And God called the dry land Earth; and the 0 gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and 24
  • 25. God saw that it was good. 1 Observations: Chose only weak women – 1 poor old prostitutes – not very clever – liked to brag – probably wasn‟t caught because he was dead or in jail – But…my tastes did begin in my country by one of my own! K ing James Version The Book of Ruth Ed Gein 25
  • 26. Chapter 1 1 His crimes though never really publicly known inspired movies like Psycho and Texas Chainsaw Massacre – he had a deep need to look like a woman. 2 And the name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife Naomi, and the name of his two sons Mahlon and Chilion, Ephrathites of Bethlehemjudah. And they came into the country of Moab, and continued there. 3 Started by robbing graves at night – took „decorations‟ for his house – skulls on the bedposts – skullcaps used as eating bowls – a belt he wore was made of nipples! 4 And they took them wives of the women of Moab; the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth: and they dwelled there about ten years. 5 Danced by the moonlight in a vest made of breasts and a vagina – also had a face and scalp to put on over his own. 26
  • 27. 6 Then she arose with her daughters in law, that she might return from the country of Moab: for she had heard in the country of Moab how that the LORD had visited his people in giving them bread. 7 Only responsible for two kills – Mary Hogan and Bernice Owen – both shot in the head. 8 And Naomi said unto her two daughters in law, Go, return each to her mother's house: the LORD deal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the dead, and with me. 9 Police found one of them strung up like livestock, genitals carved out and gutted – also found her heart cooking on the stove. 1 And they said unto her, Surely we will return 0 with thee unto thy people. 1 Gein confessed but was found insane 1 and therefore not responsible! 1 Turn again, my daughters, go your way; for I 2 am too old to have an husband. If I should say, I have hope, if I should have an husband also to night, 27
  • 28. and should also bear sons; 1 Observations: Wasn‟t the killing he liked, 3 it was the mutilation – preferred freshly killed women for their female body parts – Stupid to want to dress up in the skin of a girl! 28
  • 29. K ing James Version The Book of Esther Aileen Wournos Chapter 1 1 History of sexual abuse and promiscuity from an early age – high school dropout – teenage hooker and drifter. 2 That in those days, when the king Ahasuerus sat on the throne of his kingdom, which was in Shushan the palace, 3 First kill – Richard Mallory – shot three times in the chest – she claimed he tried to rape her. 4 When he shewed the riches of his glorious kingdom and the honour of his excellent majesty many days, even an hundred and fourscore days. 5 Second kill – David Spears found shot six 29
  • 30. times. 6 Where were white, green, and blue, hangings, fastened with cords of fine linen and purple to silver rings and pillars of marble: the beds were of gold and silver, upon a pavement of red, and blue, and white, and black, marble. 7 Third kill – Charles Carskaddon found shot nine times. 8 And the drinking was according to the law; none did compel: for so the king had appointed to all the officers of his house, that they should do according to every man's pleasure. 9 Fourth kill – Peter Siems, body was never found. 1 On the seventh day, when the heart of the 0 king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, and Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, the seven chamberlains that served in the presence of Ahasuerus the king, 1 Fifth kill – Eugene Burress – shot twice. 1 30
  • 31. 1 But the queen Vashti refused to come at the 2 king's commandment by his chamberlains: therefore was the king very wroth, and his anger burned in him. 1 Sixth kill – Dick Humphreys found shot 3 seven times. 1 And the next unto him was Carshena, Shethar, 4 Admatha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, and Memucan, the seven princes of Persia and Media, which saw the king's face, and which sat the first in the kingdom;) 1 Seventh kill – Walther Antonio shot 5 three times . 1 And Memucan answered before the king and 6 the princes, Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus. 1 She was caught and confessed but 7 claimed they all tried to rape her and that it was self defense! Meanwhile she stole everything they had and sold it for money. She 31
  • 32. was eventually executed. 1 Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media 8 say this day unto all the king's princes, which have heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall there arise too much contempt and wrath. 1 Observations: She killed because she 9 was angry at all that had happened to her – she used the victims as a way of making money – and she thought they deserved it – but can a prostitute really be raped? 32
  • 33. K ing James Version The Book of Isaiah Jeffrey Dahmer Chapter 1 1 Was molested as a child – liked to experiment with dead animals – recalls his first murder in his late teens. 2 Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth: for the LORD hath spoken, I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me. 3 First kill – Steven Hicks – skull crushed with a barbell, strangled and then dismembered. 4 Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters: they have forsaken the LORD, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away 33
  • 34. backward. 5 Second, third and fourth kills – Seven Tuomi, James Doxtator, and Richard Guerrero – all were raped, killed and their bodies were experimented on. 6 From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment. 7 Fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth kills - Anthony Sears, Edward Smith, Richard Smith, Ernest Mieler – all raped and dismembered. 8 And the daughter of Zion is left as a cottage in a vineyard, as a lodge in a garden of cucumbers, as a besieged city. 9 Ninth, tenth, eleventh, and twelfth kills – David Thomas, Curtis Straughter, Errol Lindsey, Anthony Hughes – raped and killed while trying to create the perfect sex zombie by drilling holes in their heads and pouring different acids into the skulls . 34
  • 35. 1 Hear the word of the LORD, ye rulers of 0 Sodom; give ear unto the law of our God, ye people of Gomorrah. 1 Thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth and 1 sixteenth kills - Matt Turner, Jeremiah Weinbeger, Oliver Lacy, and Joseph Bradehoft – raped and killed – some were cannibalized. 1 When ye come to appear before me, who hath 2 required this at your hand, to tread my courts? 1 His last victim escaped and Dahmer was 3 caught. 1 Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil 6 of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; 1 Observations: Too obsessed with sex! 7 But he did find the perfect victims in all those cocksuckers…no one cared! 35
  • 36. K ing James Version The Book of Ezekiel Theodore Bundy Chapter 1 1 No early history of any abuse or animal torture. He was a man that women were attracted to and trusted. He was also active socially and politically. 2 In the fifth day of the month, which was the fifth year of king Jehoiachin's captivity, 3 First kill – Linda Healy – her body was never found – only a blood stained bed and her blood soaked nightgown which was hung up in her closet! 4 And I looked, and, behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof as the colour of amber, out of the 36
  • 37. midst of the fire. 5 Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth kills – Donna Manson, Susan Rancourt, Roberta Parks, Brenda Bell, Georgeann Hawkins – all raped and beaten to death. 6 And every one had four faces, and every one had four wings. 7 Bundy‟s pattern had emerged – all pretty, dark haired young women that closely resembled each other. 8 And they had the hands of a man under their wings on their four sides; and they four had their faces and their wings. 9 He was caught after killing at least twelve other women in a four state area – but he escaped. He ended up in Florida where he invaded a sorority house – raped four girls, two were beat to death. 1 Thus were their faces: and their wings were 1 stretched upward; two wings of every one were joined one to another, and two covered their bodies. 37
  • 38. 1 Last kill – Kimberly Leach – a twelve 2 year old girl raped and beaten to death. 1 As for the likeness of the living creatures, their 3 appearance was like burning coals of fire, and like the appearance of lamps: it went up and down among the living creatures; and the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning. 1 Finally caught and sentenced to death – 4 in his last interview he confessed to at least twenty eight murders – unofficial estimates put the death count much higher – maybe around two hundred fifty! 1 Now as I beheld the living creatures, behold 5 one wheel upon the earth by the living creatures, with his four faces. 1 Observations: Almost the perfect killing 6 machine! Too set on type of victim though – but it was brilliant to carry on his work in more than four states! 38
  • 39. K ing James Version The Book of Jonah The Zodiac Chapter 1 1 NEVER CAUGHT! 2 Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me. 3 First kill – Cheri Jo Bates – stabbed in the chest and back, throat slashed so deeply she was nearly decapitated. A letter was sent to the media stating “more will die”. 4 But the LORD sent out a great wind into the sea, and there was a mighty tempest in the sea, so that the ship was like to be broken. 5 Second kill – David Faraday shot four times but lived, his girlfriend Betty Lou Jensen 39
  • 40. shot nine times – she died. Zodiac then called police to tell them where to find the bodies. 6 So the shipmaster came to him, and said unto him, What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not. 7 Sent more letters to the media declaring “I like killing people because it‟s so much fun.” 8 Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; What is thine occupation? and whence comest thou? what is thy country? and of what people art thou? 9 Third kill – Bryan Hartnell – stabbed five times in the back – survived, his girlfriend Cecilia Shepherd stabbed fourteen times – she died. 1 Then were the men exceedingly afraid, and 0 said unto him. Why hast thou done this? For the men knew that he fled from the presence of the LORD, because he had told them. 1 Fourth kill – Paul Stine – shot in the 40
  • 41. 1 head. 1 And he said unto them, Take me up, and cast 2 me forth into the sea; so shall the sea be calm unto you: for I know that for my sake this great tempest is upon you. 1 And then the Zodiac disappears. 3 1 Wherefore they cried unto the LORD, and 4 said, We beseech thee, O LORD, we beseech thee, let us not perish for this man's life, and lay not upon us innocent blood: for thou, O LORD, hast done as it pleased thee. 1 Observations: No noticeable victim 5 pattern – male and female both – liked to brag about his work – I can‟t see him/ or her stopping the slaughter willingly – he was too far ahead of the cops! K ing James Version 41
  • 42. The Book of Matthew Richard Ramirez “The Night Stalker” 1 Had early physical abuse, also had a cousin that liked to show him photos of women being raped and killed. 2 Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him. 3 First kill – seventy nine year old woman – beat to death – right afterwards he raped two girls ages six and nine. 4 And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Christ should be born. 5 Second kill – shot and killed thirty four year old Tshian Yu – then he abducted another child and molested her. 6 And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda, art not the least among the princes of Juda: for out of 42
  • 43. thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel. Mic 5:2 7 Third kill – Sixty four Vincent Zazzara was beat to death and his wife Maxine was stabbed to death – her eyes were carved out as trophies. 8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also. 9 Fourth kill – sixty five year old William Doi – shot to death 1 When they saw the star, they rejoiced with 0 exceeding great joy. 1 Fifth kill – eighty four year old Mabel Bell 1 – beaten to death – Ramirez drew pentagrams on her body and walls. 1 And being warned of God in a dream that they 2 should not return to Herod, they departed into their own country another way. 43
  • 44. 1 Sixth and seventh kills – Patty Higgins 3 twenty three years old, and Mary Cannon seventy seven years old – both had their throats slashed. 1 When he arose, he took the young child and 4 his mother by night, and departed into Egypt: 1 Eighth kill – Sixty one year old Joyce 5 Nelson – beaten to death. 1 Then Herod, when he saw that he was 6 mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently enquired of the wise men. 1 Ninth kill – thirty two year old 7 Chaimarog Khoranath – beaten to death – and then his wife was raped and his eight year old son was also beaten. 1 In Rama was there a voice heard, 8 lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not. 44
  • 45. Jer 31:15 1 Tenth and Eleventh kill – sixty nine year 9 old Max Kneiding and his wife Lela were shot to death. 2 Saying, Arise, and take the young child and 0 his mother, and go into the land of Israel: for they are dead which sought the young child's life. 2 In total – he was charged on thirteen 1 counts of murder and thirty counts of sexual assault. He was sentenced to death and is waiting for an appeal. 2 But when he heard that Archelaus did reign in 2 Judaea in the room of his father Herod, he was afraid to go thither: notwithstanding, being warned of God in a dream, he turned aside into the parts of Galilee: 2 Observations: Mainly liked to target the 3 very young and the elderly - no challenge to him – he‟s a coward! 45
  • 46. K ing James Version Romans Ken Bianchi and Angelo Buono “The Hillside Stranglers” 1 These were cousins that first got their start in the white slave racket – then they turned to rape, torture and murder. 2 (Which he had promised afore by his prophets in the holy scriptures,) 3 From October 1977 until Jan 1979 these two hunted, captured, raped and tortured twelve women and girls – the youngest twelve years old and oldest twenty seven. 4 And declared to be the Son of God with power, according to the spirit of holiness, by the resurrection from the dead: 5 Bianchi, the youngest of the two was caught first, then Buono. 46
  • 47. 6 Among whom are ye also the called of Jesus Christ: 7 Observations: Both men had women only pattern – were obsessed with inflicting as much pain as possible – pretty stupid pair if you ask me! K ing James Version The Book of James John Wayne Gacy “The Killer Clown” 1 He was physically abused as a child and a hypochondriac – in early twenties he was convicted on sodomy charges. 2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 47
  • 48. 3 Gacy liked to pick up young boys, ex- convicts and male prostitutes. He would sexually torture them and then strangle his victims to death. The time frame of the victims is unknown. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 5 In total – thirty three bodies were found buried in the crawlspace under his house – he was caught when the smell became too overpowering. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. 7 He was sentenced to die and executed in 1992. 8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. 9 Observation: Another sex obsessed idiot! 48
  • 49. K ing James Version The Book of Revelation Edan Grahame 1 My first two kills – Kyle = (Curiosity) - Mum= (Revenge) 2 Who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, and of all things that he saw. 3 Future kills – try not to let my dick choose my victims or get me caught. 4 John to the seven churches which are in Asia: Grace be unto you, and peace, from him which is, and which was, and which is to come; and from the seven Spirits which are before his throne; 5 Victims can not be the same type – don‟t leave a pattern for them to follow. 49
  • 50. 6 And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. 7 Spread out the hunting ground – too many in one spot is the way to get caught! 8 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty. 9 Anger, passion, revenge – all wrong motives for murder. 1 I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day, and 0 heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet, 1 Murder should be the fine art of bonding 1 the victim to his/her killer through the seduction of pain and the finality of death. And once the soul leaves the body…it belongs to me…Edan Grahame. 1 And I turned to see the voice that spake with 2 me. And being turned, I saw seven golden candlesticks; 50
  • 51. 1 Observations: I will be a shadow walking 3 through the streets of the world. I‟ll be as soft as a whisper and as sharp as the blade. The echoes of unheard screams will be what I leave behind…and of course, an unrecognizable corpse. I can‟t wait to prowl through the night – this time I will be wielding the knife – I will be the one to cut – not the one to cry. 51
  • 52. L ynda‟s Story Houston, TX Summer of 1997 Cynthia Carmichael, CeeCee to her friends, sat nervously in the waiting room of the social services section of Texas Children‟s Hospital. As soon as she‟d seen that poor little girl on TV being taken out of that house of horrors, CeeCee knew she wanted to be that child‟s mother. The thirty-nine year old, recently widowed, petite brunette wanted or needed someone to take care of again. In another part of Texas Children‟s, a six year old girl sat on a hospital bed. She was dressed in a blue gown with tiny images of Mickey and Minnie Mouse dancing all over it. Lynda hugged her knees to her chest, her long brown hair hung limply around her face while she rocked back and forth. If she could just keep moving this way forever then maybe the blood would disappear and she would be clean again. A nurse had been assigned to watch her constantly. So far, Lynda hadn‟t responded to anyone and could barely eat or 52
  • 53. sleep. Every time the little girl closed her eyes, the memory of her dead mother threatened to overwhelm her. CeeCee approached the nurse sitting and watching Lynda from behind the room‟s observation window. “Can I help you ma‟am?” said the nurse without looking up from her paperwork. “I‟ve been given temporary custody of that sweet little thing in there. The social worker gave me the papers this morning.” CeeCee handed the court documents to her and moved closer to the glass window. “I‟ll call the Doctor and y‟all can talk about how to best care for Lynda.” She smiled and picked up the phone. But before the nurse could say anything, CeeCee walked into Lynda‟s room and sat quietly in a chair beside the bed. Lynda kept rocking. There was an uneaten lunch tray in front of her. The nurse quickly told the Doctor what was happening and hung up the phone. “Mrs. Carmichael I must insist that you leave until Dr. Paterson gets here.” She said walking into the room. “No.” said CeeCee firmly. “I‟m not leaving my daughter.” Lynda stopped rocking and looked at CeeCee. “That‟s what we need to talk about, Mrs. Carmichael. Now please, before Lynda gets upset.” 53
  • 54. “I‟ll wait for the Doctor here…with my daughter.” “Mrs. Carmichael…I must insist.” While the two argued quietly but urgently, Lynda stared at the woman who kept saying she was her mother. However, instead of seeing CeeCee Carmichael, she saw the corpse of her dead mother sitting there covered in blood. Then the corpse stood up and reached out to touch her with a bloody hand. Lynda screamed and tried to run. Her IV ripped out spraying blood all over her Mickey and Minnie nightgown. The nurse tried to grab her but Lynda bit her hand. CeeCee caught the traumatized little girl from behind. Lynda thought the corpse was trying to kill her. She kicked and screamed at CeeCee. The nurse ran to get a sedative. CeeCee held Lynda tight against her chest. “Shh…Lynda…I‟m not here to hurt you baby.” Lynda thought the corpse was talking to her. “Mommy I‟m sorry! Please, I‟m sorry! Lynda screamed over and over again. The nurse plunged the hypodermic needle into Lynda‟s buttock. The little girl slowly stopped moving and fell into a deep sleep. Finally, her tiny exhausted body slept, and finally the blood disappeared. 54
  • 55. Lynda put it all behind a wall inside her mind. Unable to process what had happened to her, she did the only thing a child could do to protect herself. She chose to forget. When she woke up again she was hungry and now when she looked at CeeCee, she saw only a woman determined to care for her. 55
  • 56. L ondon Winter of 1999 Edan lay awake in the dark of his bedroom. His gut churned inside with the ice-sharp pangs brought on by the need for a sexual release. Like a typical fourteen year old boy, Edan‟s erection wouldn‟t leave him alone. But the visions inside his head were not the images a typical fourteen year old boy should be dwelling on. They were visions that ran red with blood and black with pain. Edan closed his eyes and stroked his testicles. Immediately, the images became clearer. The knife in his dreams became one with the penis he was holding in reality. The deeper the knife cut into his imaginary victim, the closer he came to an orgasm. And when the blood flowed so did his semen. He finally slept for a while. It was the last night of the millennium. At midnight, it would be the year 2000, or according to all the media hype, Y2K. After the deaths of his mother, then his father, Edan was adopted by his mother‟s brother and taken out of the 56
  • 57. correctional facility in Texas where he‟d been placed. That was two years ago. Tonight would mark the true beginning of his chosen career. Edan looked at the clock, the dial glowed 10:30. Time to clean up and get ready He was meeting a date by the riverside. A date with a girl named Jennifer and it was also a date with destiny. They‟d been seeing each other for the last few weeks. Edan had walked her home from school, taken her to the movies, exchanged a few wet kisses and tonight he was planning to literally charm her pants off. Jennifer Marten was the typical fourteen year old girl. She liked the shops, gossiping, and catching the attentions of handsome young boys like Edan. In her opinion he was worth the risk she was taking tonight. Jennifer was sneaking out to meet Edan. Her parents were having a New Years party and it should be no problem getting away. She checked her face and hair in the mirror. She was a classic English beauty with a strong Roman nose, chubby cheeks, golden-blonde hair and ice-blue eyes. She also had learned from an early age how to use her looks to her advantage. It was almost eleven o‟clock. Jennifer snuck out of her room and into the street through her bedroom window. She 57
  • 58. pulled on the hood of her heavy coat and tied it under her chin. The ice cold night air made her eyes water. She walked through the crowds to a path that led down to a wooded area on the Thames. There were already several couples spread out on the riverbank. She spied an empty spot and walking quickly, her boots crunching the frozen ground, she made her way to the river‟s edge. Jennifer sat beneath a large tree and watched for Edan. She could hear the current of the Thames rushing by and the muted laughter of the lovers sitting upstream from her. Across from her and up to the left, she could see the London Eye. The wheel sat silent and unmoving. Jennifer leaned back against the tree and closed her eyes. She wondered what it was going to be like with Edan. She‟d been sexually active for a year already and knew what was going to happen tonight. New Years Eve fireworks and Edan Grahame, both were a pretty exciting prospect to her. Confident no one was watching she rubbed her crotch through her jeans. “What are you doing you naughty little girl?” Edan said from behind her. Jennifer nearly jumped out of her skin. “Edan! Don‟t you dare sneak up behind me like that.” She crossed her arms across her chest. 58
  • 59. Edan laughed and squatted down in front of her. He put his hand between her legs. “If I rub it for you, will you stop being angry with me?” Jennifer crossed her legs, trapping his hand. “Only if you do it the way I want…not how you‟d like to do it.” Edan moved closer to her and kissed her. His tongue found hers and Jennifer kissed him back. He moved his right hand from between her legs up underneath her coat and her sweater. He gently squeezed her small, firm breast. Jennifer kissed Edan harder and rubbed his erection with the palm of her hand. “Why didn‟t you tell me what a dirty little girl you are?” He whispered against her face. “Just shut up and let‟s do what we came here to do.” She whispered back. “Stand up then.” She stood up and turned around to face the tree. Edan pushed up against her, reached around and unbuttoned her pants. He pulled them down to her thighs. Her vagina felt hot and wet. Jennifer gasped when Edan plunged his penis into her. He pushed her face into the rough bark of the tree. 59
  • 60. As he pounded her from behind he demanded, “How many? How many other dicks have been in there?” “Stop it! You‟re hurting me!” Jennifer cried. “Answer me then slut.” “Three, alright, now stop, please stop!” “Oh, but I‟m not done yet…I have to add my jizz to the three others you‟re carrying around.” Jennifer tried to struggle away from him but Edan held her firmly up against the tree. The bark made deep scratches in her face. “I hate you!” she started to cry harder. Edan pulled the knife out of his pocket. He moved the hair away from her neck. “You can‟t hate me love…I‟m your last…and I own you.” Edan said, withdrawing his penis before he could orgasm. “What…” Jennifer uttered the last word she would ever say as Edan slowly pushed the blade through her windpipe. The blood covered the side of the tree. Jennifer‟s body slumped to the ground. Edan looked around; no one had noticed the two young lovers. He went down to the water and finished by masturbating. 60
  • 61. Edan shot his semen into the muddy water of the Thames. He cleaned his hands and penis. He sat beside the dead girl and carefully pulled her pants back up. “The night‟s not over Jennifer my love. I still have a lot of ways to penetrate you, yet.” Edan said quietly patting her ass. Big Ben chimed in the New Year and the fireworks spread across the sky. Edan smiled. To him, it was a beautiful beginning to the year 2000. 61
  • 62. L ynda‟s Story Houston, TX Winter of 2001 Lynda could hear the fight from her safe haven underneath the porch. She sat there nervously waiting for the coast to clear while watching out for fire ants and spiders. The front door slammed and another one of her mother‟s boyfriends walked out. Since CeeCee had adopted Lynda four years ago, there had been many scenes like this one. Lynda was especially glad to see this one leave. CeeCee sat on the couch crying. Her mind still refused to believe what her eyes had seen earlier. Dave couldn‟t have done it. He just couldn‟t have. Lynda heard Dave walk down the steps and she held her breath. He squatted down in front of the sagging wooden porch. “Lynnie, sweetheart, I know you are under there and I know you can hear me.” 62
  • 63. Lynda instinctively pulled her legs closer and covered her ears. “I want to apologize if what I‟ve done hurt you in anyway.” Lynda quietly began to rock back and forth. “I really thought you wanted me to be that close to you.” Lynda thought her insides were going to explode in pain. Dave walked to his car and out of her life. She crawled out from under the porch and cautiously opened the front door. CeeCee was still crying. Lynda sat on the couch beside her mom and rubbed her arm. “Mom?” CeeCee turned toward her daughter. Her eyes were suddenly angry instead of sad. She savagely slapped Lynda across the face. In shock, Lynda curled up on the other end of the couch and cried. “How many have left me because of you?!” CeeCee screamed, slapping Lynda again, causing her nose to bleed. “It wasn‟t Dave‟s fault, was it?! It was yours…you must have wanted him to touch you or a good man like that wouldn‟t have gone near you!” 63
  • 64. She hit Lynda again and again. Lynda just laid there and cried. Finally, tired of the mess, CeeCee stomped out of the house for her favorite bar. She needed a drink. Lynda ran for her bedroom closet as soon as her mother left. In the house, it was the only place where she hadn‟t been hurt by Dave. She rocked back and forth and closed her eyes. Her mind, in order to protect Lynda, began the process of shutting off the pain. Soon Lynda had no connection to her body at all. She was safe in the fantasy world she‟d created where men didn‟t force you to touch them and mothers didn‟t put the blame on you. Lynda sat like that for hours rocking back and forth and smiling. Then her mother stumbled in drunk with a new man. The nightmare for Lynda would continue. 64
  • 65. L ynda‟s Story Houston, TX Summer of 2003 School was torture for Lynda. She never seemed to fit in with her peers. In Texas, girls are expected to focus on looking as pretty as possible starting at a very early age. They are also encouraged away from subjects like math and science and pushed towards activities like cheerleading. Lynda wasn‟t interested in either one. At twelve, she didn‟t care or know how to properly clean her face or hair. During her period, it was almost impossible to find any students to sit next to her because of her body odor. Today was the last day of school. She walked slowly home. It was already so hot that the bottoms of her shoes were sticking to the sidewalk. Lynda‟s greasy brown hair dripped with sweat. She clutched her books to her chest and kept her eyes on the ground. She hated home worse than school, but at least at home she had a place to hide. 65
  • 66. Lynda always wore clothes that were shapeless and unflattering. Today she was in an oversized dirty white t-shirt and jeans. It was another way for her to hide. Lynda walked through the dead grass in her yard towards the small bungalow type house her and her mother lived in currently. Once inside, the cold air conditioning made her shiver. It was a shabby cheap place with well used furniture and thread bare carpets. Lynda grabbed a soda out of the refrigerator and headed for her bedroom. CeeCee wouldn‟t be home for another couple of hours. Hopefully „Uncle Earl‟ wouldn‟t come home until later either. He was just another link in the chain of men that liked to hurt her and her mother. Lynda locked the bedroom door behind her. She lay down on her bed and looked around. A huge poster of Jim Morrison looking down at her from the opposite wall was the room‟s only decoration. His picture represented freedom from the world and she wished she could walk into it and escape. The front door slammed. A male voice called out “Lynda! Where are you, girl?” Earl Boudreaux was the typical stereotype redneck; too much weight, too much beer and not enough ambition to keep a job. But Earl also had a dirty secret. He liked to abuse pre- teen girls. He banged on her door. 66
  • 67. “Open up, girl!” Lynda‟s body stiffened. She heard Earl try the doorknob. “Goddammit I said open up!” Lynda couldn‟t say a word as he continued to beat on the door. Earl even tried kicking it down. Miraculously it held fast. Finally he gave up. When it was quiet, Lynda started breathing normally again. However, the pain inside was almost unbearable. She needed to let it out somehow. On her bedside table was a metal nail file. She picked it up and stared at it. Lynda turned it over in her hands. She laid it on the bed and stood up. She took off her jeans and sat back down. She picked up the file again. Lynda drew it across her bare thigh. It made a deep red scratch. She did it again, only harder this time. A thin red line of blood appeared. A rush of adrenaline hit her and for a brief moment one pain obscured the other. Lynda cut the other thigh much deeper that the first. The high lasted longer, too. After cutting herself four times she felt free enough to close her eyes and escape into her fantasy world. But sexual feeling now lived in this world, also. Still bleeding from her legs, she masturbated. The shame of her orgasm forced her to retreat even further from reality. When CeeCee got home from work Lynda had a fake smile 67
  • 68. pasted firmly on her face. She‟d learned two years ago that to forget and pretend was to survive. 68
  • 69. L ynda‟s Story Houston, TX Fall of 2005 CeeCee was tired. Tired of working for nothing, tired of her cheap life and tired of men. When this last one walked out she didn‟t replace him immediately with another just like him. Instead, she finally looked at her daughter and she didn‟t like what she saw. CeeCee had to admit that she‟d been a poor choice as a mother for Lynda. But maybe it wasn‟t too late. Maybe she could be the mother she should have been for the past eight years. Lynda sat bored in the last class of the day. Math was worse that a foreign language to her. The person behind her handed Lynda a note. After she turned back around, he pinched his nosed and waved at the air. She was used to the comments and the cruel laughter. Even one of her teachers had asked her why she didn‟t make sure she had clean clothes. Lynda couldn‟t find the voice 69
  • 70. to tell this woman that her mother was usually too busy trying to avoid being hit to do laundry. The note was from one of her main tormentors, Jake Allen. It read „let me walk you home.‟ Lynda wadded it up and threw it on the floor. When the bell rang she was the first out of the class and out of the building. Jake followed her. “Lynda wait up please.” He said catching up to her. “Go away.” Lynda said looking at the ground. Jake touched her arm and she stopped walking. “I need to talk to you. I promise it‟s nothing bad, ok? I need to apologize.” Jake said sincerely. Lynda wanted desperately to believe him, but he was one of the most popular kids in school. Jake was a football player, rich and good looking. He was probably only out to hurt her again. Her eyes filled with tears and she began walking away again. Jake kept following trying to get her to listen. To get home, Lynda had to cross the parking lot of an abandoned gas station. Its windows had been broken and the door had been ripped off its hinges. Graffiti marked the walls inside and out. Jake tried one more time and reached out to touch Lynda‟s arm. 70
  • 71. “Lynda please.” He sounded so sincere that she turned and stopped. “I just need to talk to you.” He gestured towards the old building. “Let‟s go in and pull up a rock, ok?” Lynda shyly nodded. They both went inside and sat down on the rock strewn floor. “First, I want to tell you that the other night in church I got saved.” Jake looked at her with sympathy in his eyes. Lynda stared at the ground in front of her, confused as to why he was telling her this. “Lynda, please look at me.” She lifted her head. “I‟m sorry for all that I‟ve done to you.” Lynda fought back the tears, but she didn‟t look away. “I want to tell you that Jesus loves you too and he sent me to save you.” In a flash the tears disappeared and were replaced with anger. He wanted to save her. Jesus, after watching her suffer for years now sent this boy to „save her‟. Lynda reached forward and picked up a large rock. “He knows you‟ve sinned and loves you anyway.” 71
  • 72. Lynda gripped the rock so tight that her fingers bled. She sinned? Not those who hurt her, but her… it was her fault…her sin. “He wants to cleanse you of all that dirt inside you and make you new again.” The dirt inside? Does he mean the sperm she was forced to swallow over and over again? How about her hands, her breasts, her vagina? Some prick in one way or another had been all over them too. So, the men weren‟t dirty for doing it, she was dirty because it all had landed on her. In one swift move Lynda hit Jake in the face hard with the rock. He fell back on the concrete floor bleeding heavily. Like a girl possessed by demons, she hit him again and again until bits of brain, skull and blood covered her. When she struck the last blow her body involuntarily had an orgasm. She threw the rock down and stood up. Lynda had to get home. Her house was right behind the gas station but across the street. Carefully, she looked around outside. No one was around. In terror she ran home and into the house. CeeCee stared at her daughter in complete shock. “He tried to rape me.” Lynda said breathlessly. “I killed him.” Lynda started to cry. 72
  • 73. CeeCee was an expert in denial. Her mother had taught her to master that art well growing up. Without a word she cleaned up her daughter and destroyed the evidence. She burned Lynda‟s clothes in the BBQ pit behind the house. After a bath had washed away Jake‟s blood, Lynda sat on the couch in a pink nightgown. She looked fragile and innocent. CeeCee held her and stroked her hair, quietly assuring her that things were going to change. She apologized for not protecting her sooner. Lynda sat and listened but she didn‟t believe her mother. Something in her had hardened. The gaping wound in her soul had suddenly scabbed over and Lynda no longer wanted to be a victim. From now on, taking care of herself would the top priority in her life. Even if it meant killing again to do it. She pictured Jake laying there in the dark being crawled on by bugs and rats. Lynda smiled and almost laughed when the realization hit her that she had enjoyed killing the holier than thou creep. 73
  • 74. L ynda‟s Lie March 2005 Hi. My name is Lynda Carmichael. Let‟s see…I just turned sixteen and I‟m from a boring big city in Texas. I was adopted by Ms. Carmichael ten years a go but I call her mom anyway. I don‟t remember anything before that. It‟s always felt weird though to be given up by my real parents. I mean how bad was I for them to get rid of me? Logically, I know it might not be like that. It just feels like it. Since I turned sixteen last week things seem really different all of a sudden. I‟ve got all these feelings swirling around inside that I don‟t understand. It feels like I‟m waiting for something to happen. I don‟t know if what I‟m waiting for is good or bad, though. I used to pray a lot when I would get confused but I finally realized there is no God or if there is one, he‟d given up on me a long time ago. Just like my real parents did I guess. Anyway, today a letter came in the mail and guess where I get to go? Edinburgh, Scotland! We won some kind of vacation and me and mom are really excited about it. 74
  • 75. I mean they have real castles over there and a real queen. I mean how cool is that! I might even meet a real live prince to turn me into a princess and take me away from it all. You never know. 75
  • 76. L ynda‟s Lie Chapter 1 April 15 2007 Roses. Her mother‟s dry skin stilled smelled of roses. Morbidly, Lynda wondered when the smell of decay would overpower her mother‟s favorite perfume. She put her head on her mother‟s stomach. The hard rail of the hospital bed dug into her chest. And for the first time, Lynda Carmichael cried. She cried because fate had just taken the only person she had in the world from her. She cried out of fear and she cried because she was now lost in a strange country. This trip of a lifetime was turning into a season in hell. Lynda felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. The concerned Doctor‟s kind expression made her cry harder. Dr. MacNash shook her head. Heart attacks never happen at a good time. “Miss, we need to care for your Mum now. Wait in the hall outside. Some people need to talk to you.” Lynda stood up slowly. She squeezed her mother‟s cold hand one last time and left the room. 76
  • 77. The glare of the white lights in the hospital corridor hurt her eyes. Lynda blinked several times and methodically made her way to the nearest chair. She looked down at her shoes. Pink leather flats and death didn‟t go together. Her pink cardigan and skirt didn‟t either. “Miss Carmichael?” “Yes?” Lynda‟s voice was hoarse from crying. “My name is Elizabeth Murray. I‟m going to need some information from you.” Lynda nodded, trying to think through the fog of shock and grief. An hour of questioning had left her mentally and physically exhausted. Judging by the look on Ms. Murray‟s face as she left, she thought so too. Not knowing what else to do, Lynda began wandering aimlessly through the hospital. She passed an endless array of faces, and bodies all in various phases of pain and suffering. “Whoa, Miss! You can‟t go in there.” Lynda jumped in fright. She had almost walked right into an operating room. “Oh, my God, how do I get out of this place?” Lynda asked the nurse that had stopped her, in frustration. 77
  • 78. Jill stared intently at the lost girl standing in front of her. She was around sixteen, long, straight brown hair with a face that could only be called handsome and not pretty. The girls blue eyes seemed to beg for help. She also looked ridiculous in all that pink. Jill smiled, “You look like you need a cup of tea and a friendly ear. Luckily, I can do both.” Lynda looked at the tall, blonde woman with gratitude. After a cup of hot tea, and what seemed like an eternity of venting, Lynda felt strong enough to face what was waiting for her back at the hotel. Jill walked her to the main entrance of the hospital. The grey Scottish sky was getting darker and threatening to rain. “I can‟t let you go out in this mess alone. Wait here while I get my coat and I‟ll walk with you.” Lynda suddenly felt like being alone but Jill had been so nice to her. Just a little while longer and she could get out of her silly clothes and try to get warm. Jill walked up to her again and wrapped her coat around Lynda‟s shoulders. “There, that should keep some of this nasty weather out.” As Lynda pulled it tight around her, the heavy wool scratched her hands. It felt good against her skin. 78
  • 79. The narrow and dark streets of Edinburgh made her feel claustrophobic and unreal, as if she were floating outside of her body. A cat hissed at her from an alley. She would have loved to have kicked it. The rain started pouring harder. Jill pulled Lynda towards an alleyway. It smelled like urine and rotten tomatoes. “We‟ll wait here for a few. Maybe the rain will let up in a bit.” Lynda leaned up against the rough brick wall. A black four door Lexus pulled up slowly in front of them. Jill smiled. “I know these guys. Hold on while I ask them for a lift.” Jill opened the front door and a blast of music shattered the quiet of the dark street. Jill turned and waved to Lynda to join them. “Come on, we‟ve got it.” Inside the car it was warm and smelled like a mix of sweat and musk. The loud music rattled Lynda‟s already fragile nerves but at least it was dry. Jill was right next to her, and beside Jill was a black man who seemed to be in his early twenties. His face looked like it was made of stone and it was hard to imagine him smiling. The man in the passenger seat was a slender, skinny white man who looked like he couldn‟t stop smiling. But his smile gave her the creeps. And then the driver turned around. 79
  • 80. Something in his eyes made her heart almost stop beating. He was beautiful, but in a way that was hard to describe. His hazel eyes locked onto hers and held her captive while he sized her up. Edan. That‟s what Jill said… his name was Edan. 80
  • 81. C hapter 2 48 Hours Later “Ok. Let‟s go over this again. Two days ago you were warm and dry in this car and then end up somehow on a roof holding a dead baby. Now, I need to know, how in Hades did that baby die?!!” The Chief Constable was losing his patience with this so- called child. He ran his hands over his short gray hair. Never in his whole career had he seen such a bloodbath. The entire top floor of that apartment building had been painted, no drenched in blood. And to top it off he didn‟t know if he had a victim or a cold-blooded killer sitting in front of him. Her eyes were dead, her responses seemed rehearsed. Something was just not right with Lynda Carmichael. Chief Constable Simmons looked at her again. “Well? Can‟t you say anything?” Lynda didn‟t speak but her hands started to tremble and her stomach felt queasy from the smell coming from Simmons. He obviously had needed some liquid courage just to face her. 81
  • 82. Edan. She let his name move through her mind and down her body. “I don‟t know who was in that car. I don‟t know how that baby died! All I know is that I tried to save it. That‟s all I know.” Lynda finally said defiantly. “Well, at least you have a voice. Now, go back to that car that picked you and Jill up. How many men where in it?” “Two. One in the back and one driving.” “Now, that doesn‟t make sense because those two men are dead inside that hell house and the only one left alive is YOU! So, did they kill everyone else and stab each other to death? All the while you are safe and sound outside on the roof holding a dead baby?!” Chief Constable Simmons was losing his patience. He needed another drink. He walked over to the window and looked down at the growing crowd of reporters waiting outside. He put his head up against the cool glass. What was she hiding? And more importantly, why? She had seen this nurse Jill torn up in the car and then, according to her, she was chased down and forced to watch an entire group of people be slashed apart. But who killed the killers? Lynda watched the back of his head. She closed her eyes. She needed to be back in that car. 82
  • 83. C hapter 3 REWIND “Edan turn down that noise.‟ Said Jill, “it‟s really hurting my ears.” “Fuck you Jill. Or rather after our last date, never mind.” He laughed sarcastically. He started singing to the music blasting out of the radio. “Edan! Come on shut that crap up!” Jill screeched. Edan slammed on the brakes and turned into an alley. He twisted off the radio and turned around in the seat. “Jill. Love. You have no idea what tonight means to me. Does she guys?” Edan‟s accent was strangely soothing to Lynda‟s ears. It wasn‟t the uptight aristocratic British or the unintelligible Cockney. It was smooth and definitely more seductive. Blake, the black guy just stared at the two of them and Dusty in the passenger seat, still grinning idiotically, began nodding his head up and down comically. 83
  • 84. Lynda, breathing hard, tried to open her door. It was locked. She reached for the lock. It was broken. Edan saw her and laughed. “Lynda. Love. This is our night. I saw it in you when I looked in those ice blue eyes of yours. Jill, you are going to help me prove a theory of mine.” “I don‟t know what fucked-up idea you have in mind and I really don‟t care to hear it. Just unlock the damn doors and let us out! For God‟s sake this girl just lost her mother!” Blake finally said something, “That sucks.” Dusty cackled. Edan shook his head and looked at Lynda with concern. “Then this is really going to free you isn‟t it, girl? No more hiding what you really feel. No more having to worry about what poor old mum is going to think. Blake, hold Jill‟s arms.” Blake viciously grabbed Jill by the arms and pulled her up against his chest. “Dusty, the knife please.” Dusty handed Edan a knife from under his shirt with a theatrical flourish and a giggle. Edan now turned around and faced Jill. Lynda shrieked, “No! Please, no!” She started screaming and banging on the door. 84
  • 85. Edan nodded at Dusty who grabbed Lynda by the hair, yanking her up against the seat. Edan leaned over until he was inches away from her face. She felt his hot breath stinging her skin. “Tonight, I am going to prove that it is possible to kill someone and not get an erection.” He smiled and the other two laughed. Lynda‟s heart felt like it was going to beat its way out of her chest. He reached over and massaged Lynda‟s breast under her sweater. She felt her nipples harden. “Of course it‟s more fun with one.” He smiled. Jill was crying. She could feel Blake‟s hard-on pushing into her back. “That‟s for you though Edan. I am not ashamed to get it up whenever the opportunity arises. So to speak.” “All I have to do is cough and mine jumps up.” Dusty said callously. “Well, that proves that I am the brains in this adventure. Not you two cads.” Edan turned back to Jill. She began frantically kicking her legs. “Blake, hold her legs still.” 85
  • 86. “Edan, I‟ve got her arms. How „bout you hold her damn legs.” “Such a smart ass. One day you‟ll pay for that.” With a swift downward motion, Edan stabbed Jill right above both knees. She stopped kicking immediately and started sobbing hysterically in pain. “See how easy that was.” Lynda let out a moan that sounded like a wounded animal. Edan twisted around and flipped down the visor‟s cd holder. “Let‟s see, we need some killer music for this.” Dusty kept Lynda‟s hair tight in his fist. Her eyes watered. She could barely breathe. Lynda could smell and feel Dusty‟s hot, sour breath on her face. Edan put the tip of the knife under Jill‟s right eye. He made a small cut. A tear mixed with the blood and ran down her face, leaving a red trail on her cheek. Edan smiled. He slowly sliced open one cheek. Jill‟s eyes rolled back in her head. Edan calmly sliced the other cheek, following the trail of Jill‟s bloody tears. “Keep her awake.” Blake bit her ear savagely. Jill moaned and sobbed in sheer terror. 86
  • 87. Edan, starting at the tip of her chin, slowly cut down her neck and onto her chest, stopping at Jill‟s breastbone. “It would be so easy to just plunge this knife deep into your heart and end all of this wouldn‟t it, love?” “But that‟s no fun, is it Lynda?” “I don‟t know what the fuck you are talking about you psycho bastard!” Lynda exploded in rage and terror. “I‟m talking about this…” Edan held up the bloody knife. He ran his finger over the blade. He touched Lynda‟s lips and gently covered them in Jill‟s blood. Then he kissed her. “You know what I mean. You know exactly what I am doing and why. You know me.” he whispered against her face. 87
  • 88. E dan‟s Truth Poor little Yankee bird, trapped helpless in my cage. But, dear Reader, like I told Lynda in the car…we are the same. So before you feel too sorry for her, notice she didn‟t exactly resist my bloody kiss now, did she? But it‟s not Lynda I want to talk about right now, its nurse Jill. The lovely Jill. We knew each other well. Sounds too fucking Shakespearian for a slut that liked it rough. She‟d get an itch that only I could scratch. Boring for me though. Women like that are a dime a dozen. Tie them up; they beg you to beat their asses, cum on their breasts….then it‟s over. Yawn. I‟d rather be watching a football game. 88
  • 89. C hapter 4 FORWARD Chief Constable Simmons walked out in to the frigid Scottish air. The reporters started screaming questions at him immediately. He held up both hands. “Please, I have a statement for the press but only a statement. No questions will be answered until we get more information. At five o‟clock this morning, a policeman on foot patrol on Johnston Terrace, noticed a young woman up on the roof of an apartment building. She looked like she was hurt and she was holding an infant. She was unresponsive to the calls of the policeman. Upon entering the building, it was discovered that on the top floor, several residents had been murdered.” He paused. It was more like a scene in a slaughter house than any murder he‟d ever seen. It was going to take weeks just to process. “It does appear that two of the perpetrators have also been killed. At this time we do not know if this young lady is a victim or not.” The Chief Constable turned to walk back into the station. 89
  • 90. “Is the babe alive?” A young male reporter called out. Simmons stopped and turned back to face the crowd again. He just shook his head and then hurriedly left. Lynda had been led to a cell where a psychologist waited for her. She was an older woman with a long, grey braid and a face that resembled an apple that had been in the sun for too long. Lynda sat on the edge of the hard cot. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. The old pain was starting again. “Are you in any pain?” Dr. Michaels asked in concern. Lynda shook her head. “No, I‟m not in any pain that a Doctor can fix.” “And why is that?” “Because my pain is me, and I can‟t be fixed.” Dr. Michaels frowned. “And what is it about you that can‟t be fixed?” Lynda laughed. It felt good to find something funny about all of this. “You wouldn‟t understand. I was born this way and I‟ll die this way, too.” “Did that baby die because of you?” Dr. Michaels asked in a low voice. 90
  • 91. “I didn‟t kill anyone! I didn‟t! If that baby died, it was because of someone else. Not me! I only wanted to get it somewhere safe. Somewhere that they couldn‟t hurt it.” “And who is „they‟, Lynda?” “I‟ve told everyone over and over again! Those two men in the car.” “They killed the nurse Jill?” “Yes.” “And all those people in the building?” “Yes.” “Then who killed them?” Lynda stopped just short of saying his name. “How do I know?! They almost fucking killed me! Can‟t you people see that?! Is everyone here really this fucking stupid?” Lynda began to scream and pull her hair. She clawed at her face. Her nails made ragged scratches down her cheeks. Dr. Michaels quickly reached into her bag for a syringe. In one swift move, Lynda was sedated. She lay limp on the cot, her eyes closed and smiling. He was inside her, watching over her and guiding her. Edan. Lynda floated into the darkness of her mind. 91
  • 92. L ynda‟s Lie September 15, 2007 My adopted mom died today. I should be crying but I‟m too scared to do anything but sit here and look at her. She went from laughing to hurting and then to … dead. It took less than fifteen minutes for her to leave me, too. What am I going to do now without a mom? She wasn‟t perfect but I think she loved me. She taught me a lot about what it means to be a girl. But she wasn‟t perfect. If she had been, she would‟ve protected me from her boyfriends and mine. I mean I know I‟m nothing to look at and I‟m fatter than I should be, but that doesn‟t stop guys from trying to put their hands down your shirt or up your skirt, now does it? Most if that‟s my fault, I guess. I dream about being strong enough to just haul off and slap someone really hard for touching me and then getting bitchy about it. But something inside causes me to freeze up and just lets most of it happen. The word „no‟ can‟t be that hard to say, can it? 92
  • 93. Even though I have never let anyone go all the way, I‟m not that stupid, there are a couple of things I will do that seem to make these guys happy enough. At least they leave me alone for awhile afterwards. I mean if they asked me to do something then I‟d at least have a chance to say no. But they just expect me to do whatever, whenever. No one wants to know how I feel about anything. My real mom didn‟t ask how I felt about her getting rid of me and my adopted mom didn‟t ask me if it was okay to die and leave me all alone. For once, it would be so nice for someone, anyone to just ask me if it‟s okay. I‟d love to know what it feels like to be given a choice …yes or no. . 93
  • 94. 1. Chief Constable Simmons crossed over the yellow tape that separated the public from the crime scene. He looked up at the apartment building. It somehow, looked sinister in the fading daylight. He walked up the steps, nodded at the officer at the door and stepped back into a nightmare. The air in the building seemed heavy with the smell of blood, even though the actual bodies had already been removed. Cleaning up the mess left behind would take days. Simmons pushed the button in the lift for the top floor. The old machine groaned in protest. Slowly, it noisily made its way to the fourth floor. The smell got worse as soon as Simmons stepped out of the lift. Immediately, he saw huge splashes of blood painting the walls and the ceiling. He made his way gingerly over several puddles on the floor to the white-coated forensics tech bending down taking a sample. “The guvnor is in the main room, so don‟t ask me anything. I don‟t know a damn thing anymore.” Evidently, the Head of the FSS was not in a good mood. “Chief Constable! In here please. It‟s about time you made your presence known.” Martha O‟Conor looked more like an old fashioned school teacher than the Head of Edinburgh‟s Forensic Science Services. 94
  • 95. Her diminutive size did not match the booming sound of her voice or the authoritative way she managed her technicians. “I see you are in a mood, Martha.” Simmons said approaching her. “I‟ll let that „Martha‟ comment pass, Chief.” For a brief second, Simmons could see doubt on her face. “You‟d think that with all I‟ve seen in my thirty plus years in forensics that nothing could surprise me anymore. Right now, I‟m thinking of doing the unthinkable and retire after this one.” Simmons, nodded, his stomach was in knots. The heat and smell was making him nauseous. “Can we get some air while we talk?” O‟Conor looked closely at the Chief Constable. “Now I know I‟ve seen everything. You look like a rookie that‟s about to blow his scones all over his nice suit.” 2. Lynda floated in and out of consciousness. Images from her childhood kept getting mixed up with Edan. On her fifth birthday, she was having her first party. Lynda could see herself blowing out the candles and clapping with excitement at the presents. She felt someone caressing her hair, looked up and saw Edan. 95
  • 96. No! That was wrong. He couldn‟t be there. But she could see him clearly. He waved his hand over the cake and it disappears. The people fade into nothingness. It‟s just her, sitting at an old kitchen table, crying. Edan rubs her arms lovingly and whispers “See how it really was Lynda. There were no parties when you were little.” She looks around the dingy one room apartment. She sees an old sofa, a small black and white TV, and in the far corner, hanging from the ceiling a yellow sheet. And behind the sheet…the shape of a bed. “Stand up.” Edan takes Lynda‟s small hand. “You need to see what you have been hiding all of these years. You need to see the truth.” Lynda wanted to scream, she wanted to run but Edan held her hand firmly in his as they walked toward the yellow sheet. A sour smell invaded her nose and alien noises filled her ears. Edan slowly pulled the sheet back. 96
  • 97. E dan‟s Truth My sweet beautiful Lynda does have a load full of pain inside of her. And it‟s all courtesy of the woman that squatted down and pushed her out. Her mother. But you know something has always intrigued me. It‟s the term „mother fucker‟. Aren‟t most women either someone‟s mum or going to be one day? Which if that‟s true, it makes all men in reality, mother fuckers. Well, Lynda‟s mum had a lot of mother fuckers in that bed and she was always too busy shooting shit in a vein or snorting it up her nose to care that her child could see, hear, and smell all the semen splashed fun. 97
  • 98. C hapter 5 “Now that I‟ve got you outside and looking more dignified, are you ready to talk about this atrocity, Chief Constable Simmons?” Simmons leaned up against the side of the building, grateful for the cold air. He sheepishly nodded. “Ok, here is the scenario so far. The tenants in this building were all in the top floor conference room having a meeting. It was probably one of those bitch sessions about management. Anyway, we have ten apartments with three married couples, four single females with a roommate, and three single males. All total, nine women, eight men and one six-week old male infant. All deceased. Adding to the mix, are the two male perpetrators, also deceased. My theory is that those two were the muscle; they restrained the tenants before killing them. But there has to be another perp because after everyone is dead, someone got their jollies off by mutilating the corpses.” Simmons felt a dull ache begin to throb in his temples. “Any sign of another person here besides Lynda Carmichael? “No, none at all, so far. And one more thing, the infant,” she paused, “he died from a broken neck.” 98
  • 99. 1. “Lynda, you have to start talking to me. I can‟t help you if you don‟t cooperate.” Dr. Michaels said slowly and deliberately as if talking to a small child. “What does it matter?” Lynda asked wearily. She only wanted to go back to her quiet cell. Two policewomen had rudely waked her up, and half-drug her into the interrogation room. Chief Simmons watched from behind a two-way mirror. “It matters to that dead baby.” Lynda‟s eyes watered for a brief second, and then stopped suddenly. “Now, let‟s go back. You are in the car with two men, right?” Lynda nodded. “What were their names?” “Blake and Dusty.” “No one else?” Lynda shook her head. “Who held Jill?” “Blake held her and Dusty used the knife on her.” Lynda‟s voice was low and husky. 99
  • 100. “Why didn‟t you escape if there was no one holding you?” Lynda didn‟t answer. Her body started shaking. She began to rock back and forth rhythmically. “The door lock was broken.” She finally said. “Ok, you couldn‟t get the door open to escape or get help?” Lynda shook her head no, still rocking her body back in forth in the chair. “Can you describe for me what they did to Jill?” Lynda stopped rocking and stared directly at Dr. Michaels. The dead look in her eyes made the psychiatrist shiver involuntarily. Chief Simmons burst into the room and slammed three pictures onto the table. “Does this refresh your memory, lass?!” he yelled. The nurse had been mutilated beyond recognition. Lynda blacked out and fell to the floor. “Oh, for God‟s sake, when this girl is conscious again read her rights to her. We are charging her with 21 counts of culpable homicide.” 100
  • 101. L ynda‟s Lie He kissed me. This Edan kissed me and I forgot where I was or what was happening. My heart beat faster than it ever has in my life. I didn‟t need to, but I felt like I had to pee really badly. Plus, he‟d touched my breasts but it wasn‟t like those idiots I told you about before. This time they tingled and ached a little bit. I‟m embarrassed to say this to a complete stranger but at night when I‟m taking a bath, I‟ll let the water run over me down there and it feels really good. But this guy Edan made me feel much better than what I can do to myself. When I was little and one of mom‟s boyfriends started doing things to me, I would close my eyes and I would imagine I was out of my body flying free. I couldn‟t feel them or the pain anymore. But right now I don‟t want to stop looking at Edan‟s face. So maybe if I just concentrate on his eyes I can block out this idiot behind me, holding my arms and rubbing up against my breasts. Maybe I‟ll be able to block out the blood and if I try real hard maybe I can forget that I knew Jill at all. Then her screams won‟t bother me so much. 101
  • 102. C hapter 6 REWIND Lynda‟s lips still tingled from Edan‟s kiss. The metallic taste of blood was on her tongue. Edan turned back to the semi-conscious Jill. He slowly popped the buttons of her shirt open with the knife and cut her bra in two, exposing her breasts. They were streaked with blood. Jill began to frantically kick again. Edan laughed. Blake held her tighter by the arms. Edan leaned over and cut her skirt and underwear open. “No, please, no please,” Jill half-moaned, half-chanted. Lynda couldn‟t stop staring at Jill‟s white legs or her mass of blonde pubic hair. She licked her lips. Dusty and Blake roared with laughter. “Edan, it looks like you have another convert.” Lynda immediately closed her eyes and turned her head. Edan reached over and slapped Lynda across the face. “Look at me!” he commanded. “Don‟t close your eyes away from me again.” He threatened. Edan in one, slow determined move, pushed the knife into Jill‟s bellybutton. She screamed in a high pitched wail. 102
  • 103. Tears flowed freely down her face. Her body twisted and turned violently in pain. Edan put his head on his hands, looking at Jill like a schoolboy watching a bug crawl across the sidewalk. Lynda‟s eyes never left his face. 103
  • 104. C hapter 7 FORWARD Simmons sat in his office. He had all the crime scene photos laid out before him, while he read the autopsy reports. Certain phrases made him want to reach for the bottle of Scotch hidden in the bottom drawer of his desk. „Breasts removed on Nurse Jill‟ „Lower legs of male #10 flayed open‟ „Female #8‟s facial features mutilated beyond any recognition‟ „Most victims identified through dental records‟ „Six-week old infant, male no bruising, no obvious sign of physical trauma‟ “Except for that broken neck,” said Simmons wryly to himself. According to the COPFS autopsy report, the baby‟s neck had been snapped from the back. It was as if he‟d been held to someone‟s chest and then squeezed tightly. The infant had been virtually hugged to death. 104
  • 105. The Chief Constable looked through the piles of pictures for the two perpetrators. Blake MacAfee and Dusty Reeves were both hard core druggies, in and out of trouble since their early teens, but crimes of this type were totally out of character for them. According to interviews with the family, the two men had made a turn for the better in their lives about six months ago. They didn‟t have one arrest on their record since they began working for some rich banker as errand boys. Something didn‟t make sense. Why then out of the blue, did they go on a mass murder spree? And why pick up an American girl? It didn‟t add up. It was no surprise that both boys‟ families were screaming that it had to be someone else that murdered all those people. Simmons picked up the photos of Lynda when she was first brought into the station. At first glance, she appears to be a terrified young girl with blood on her face and in her hair. Her eyes were red and swollen. In a college psychology class, the instructor had told them that the eyes will tell you what you need to know about someone. So, if you block out the rest of the face, you will be able to see the true nature of the person. He covered up the lower half of Lynda‟s face in the picture with a piece of paper. He shuddered and reached into 105
  • 106. the drawer for his bottle. Her eye‟s looked as if she should be laughing. 1. Lynda‟s dreams were never pretty. They were usually dark and confusing, leaving her scared and lonely. But now that Edan was there she, for some reason, felt safer and braver than ever before. As she slept, he was there for her guiding her into those dark places that she had never admitted existed. Right now she was a terrified child again looking at a dirty yellow sheet. Edan drew it back and the flood of memories began. 106
  • 107. E dan‟s Truth Ok, dear Reader, I think it‟s the right time for you to meet my mates, Blake and Dusty. They weren‟t exactly little school boys when I caught them in a very naughty act of rape. Now this may sound odd to you, but I think rapists are stupid pricks. I mean, how much brain power does it take to force your dick into a woman? None that‟s what. So, one evening, on one of my „night prowls‟, I came across these two behind a building taking turns on some ruffied up girl they‟d found in some pub. How stupid. How bloody boring and stupid. I prefer more of a challenge but I had a feeling these two just might come in handy. So, I showed them what it takes to put the powers of your mind to work. Since that night, they have been my eager and willing pupils. I also made sure that when the cops found that girl, they‟d have a tough time identifying her. 107
  • 108. C hapter 8 Gavin Keane wasn‟t buying it. The press release from the chief constable‟s office announced that they were holding the young American girl responsible for the murders in the apartment building. He‟d bet that Simmons wasn‟t buying it either. Gavin had met the Chief Inspector while covering his first crime scene as a reporter. The body of a twenty-one year old college girl was discovered in a back alley. She had been drugged, raped repeatedly and then slashed to pieces. The perpetrator had never been caught. No matter how many crime scenes Gavin had worked on since that night, he couldn‟t get rid of the image of that girl. She‟d been burned into his memory forever. In the Carmichael case, the crime reporter felt something was seriously wrong. The police must have missed something or they just wanted to wrap up the whole ugly mess as fast as possible. Gavin had been one of the first reporters on the scene. He‟d seen Lynda on the roof. He‟d seen the way she held on to that baby for dear life. No, it just didn‟t make sense. He picked up the press release off of the desk and headed over to the editors office. It only took two minutes for Gavin to be emphatically denied any further involvement in the 108
  • 109. story. Apparently, no one wanted to know the truth; except for him. That baby deserved the truth at least, he vowed to himself. 1. Insane and therefore not responsible, as Chief Constable Simmons read the verdict he had an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. Lynda Carmichael was going to be locked up in State Hospital for two years or until some fool Doctor declared her „safe‟, that is. He picked up the case notes, photo‟s and reports and put them in the cardboard box sitting on the desk. Case closed. Now it was time for another drink. Still that empty feeling in his stomach was growing stronger. 2. Dr. Michaels sat beside the bed. Lynda lay on it, her wrists and legs strapped firmly down. “How long has she been like this?” She asked the nurse who was adjusting her IV solution. “Unfortunately, she overheard some of us talking about her so-called trial tomorrow morning and it set her off.” 109
  • 110. “And I‟m sure this conversation was entirely sympathetic towards our patient?” The nurse quickly dropped her eyes. “I didn‟t think so.” muttered the Doctor. Lynda‟s eyes were closed but she still heard every word spoken around her. Edan had promised he‟d walk with her through the minefield of childhood memories that had crashed in on her. She wasn‟t worried about the trial, or being hospitalized. That‟s where Edan had said she should be because in order for her to fully realize her potential, she needed to be free from the shackles of ordinary life. That first memory had shaken her up badly. Her mother had been with some man in a dirty bed, which looked like he was hurting her with his body. Edan had revealed to her how as a five year old, she had screamed at the man to stop, but he only laughed and walked towards her asking if she wanted „some‟, too. But even more painful and confusing was Lynda‟s mother hitting her and locking her up in the bathroom. Well Edan had promised to explain how all of her experiences, good and bad, led to him. They were destined to be together and it had all started with her crying in that dirty bathroom. 110
  • 111. L ynda‟s Lie I didn‟t watch what Edan did to that woman. I looked at his face, just like he told me to do. That defect I have inside wouldn‟t let me say no to him. But I am so scared right now. I‟m not scared to die because that might end all of this once and for all. Sometimes though, when it gets too much for me to handle, I‟ll cut myself on my legs just to watch the blood pour out. So I‟m not scared they‟ll cut me up. If they rape me, I‟ll just close my eyes and fly free out of my mind like I used to do when I was little. No, I‟m scared of something else. I‟m scared of how Edan looks at me. Like he knows who I am. I don‟t mean the person everyone sees but the „me‟ I keep hidden safe inside where no one can hurt her. That‟s the „me‟ that‟s never been touched, that has never been abandoned, and that‟s the „me‟ that hopefully someone could love one day. 111
  • 112. C hapter 9 The scene around the High Court of Justiciary was chaos. Gavin Keene had staked out a spot just outside the doors where Lynda Carmichael would soon enter the building. The tension in the crowd was thicker than the fog over Scotland that morning. Gavin leaned his tall lanky frame up against the rough brick wall. His camera was a familiar heavy weight around his neck. He looked around at the crowd. Every face he saw reflected back anger or disgust. Lynda didn‟t have any friends here. Gavin pulled on the collar of his dark grey overcoat. A slow drizzle of rain made the day even gloomier. His auburn hair was soon dripping wet. “Ahh…there she is.” The man next to him whispered under his breath. Gavin shot a bemused look at him. This man, obviously a wealthy Englishman by the way he dressed, was the only one who seemed to be enjoying the show. 112
  • 113. 1. Lynda‟s eyes widened slightly at the large crowd amassed waiting just to get a glimpse of her. “Baby killer!!” The people surrounded the car and were beating on the windows and the hood. Lynda quizzically looked into the eyes of one woman. Hatred? The crowd started chanting „baby killer‟ over and over in perfect unison. Then the door opened suddenly and Lynda was grabbed by a policeman who pulled her into the mob. Another policeman took hold of her other arm and they both tried to force their way through the screaming crowd. Lynda was too scared to cry. “Baby killer!!” rang over and over in her ears. She felt a sharp burst of pain right over her left eye. Blood trickled down her face. “Take that bitch!” said the older woman that had thrown the rock at her. The police just kept pulling her through the sea of hatred. Then she saw him standing by the door and despite the chaos outside of her, she was immediately calm inside. The both smiled at the same time. 113
  • 114. C hapter 10 REWIND They were laughing. Laughing. Dusty, Blake and Edan were laughing. Jill was just a lump of bloody meat now. Lynda sat shivering next to the once friendly and helpful nurse. The loud music and the laughing were making her feel more insane than the fact she was riding in a car with a mutilated corpse. The car stopped. Edan turned the music off. He looked at Lynda in the rearview mirror and said, “It‟s your turn, love.” Dusty cackled insanely and Blake laughed low and deep. Edan had driven into the countryside to a remote area on the coast. As soon as Lynda stepped out of the car, the icy sea wind cut into her skin. She shivered waiting for them to kill her, too. Edan opened the back door of the car. “I meant it‟s your turn to help in our adventure, Lynda.” He shook his head and smiled at her. The wind whipped his thick black hair around his head. “Get what‟s left of Jill out of the car.” He commanded. 114
  • 115. No one was laughing now. The three men looked at grimly at Lynda expecting her to do as she was told. “You want me to touch…” her voice trailed off softly. “Now!” Edan barked. Lynda jumped and with tears in her eyes, walked slowly back to the car. “I can‟t do it.” She pleaded. Edan came up behind her and stroked her long brown hair. She couldn‟t believe how good it felt. The he twisted her hair up in his fist and slowly tightened his grip. Lynda‟s heart beat faster. He pushed her head into the car, inches above what was left of Jill. The hot copper smell of blood filled Lynda‟s eyes and mouth. Edan pushed her face closer. “Do it Lynda.” Lynda pulled on Jill‟s arm. Her fingers were immediately sticky with the blood that had begun to congeal. Edan let her hair drop and backed away from the car. Lynda pulled on Jull‟s arm again, but this time much harder. A breast fell and bounced off of Lynda‟s legs. She screamed but not in terror. She screamed in anger. Lynda became a woman possessed with the type of rage that ran deep, much deeper than the past few hours could have instilled in her. She grabbed the breast and flung it over the cliff with a scream. In a frenzy she threw the rest of Jill over the 115
  • 116. side, screaming as each body part flew through the air and landed on the desolate beach below them. Then she turned to Edan. Lynda was covered in blood. Her fists were clenched and her face was the perfect example of what a mad woman should look like. She hit him in the chest. Edan just stood there. Lynda began hitting him harder and sobbing so deeply that her body was shaking. He grabbed both hands and held her. She cried louder and her body went limp. Edan hugged her to his chest. “I knew you could do it, love.” He caressed her hair and back. Lynda kept crying. Dusty and Blake, as if on cue, started to clean the blood out of the car. Soon the smell of bleach over- powered the salty sea air and the smell of blood. After a while, all she could do was lie limply on Edan‟s chest. Somehow, in all this insanity, she felt almost safe. 116
  • 117. E dan‟s Truth Ok, I know what you are thinking. Pretty disgusting stuff. Forcing a terrified little girl to handle a corpse… at least pieces of one. Right…this is no little girl, this is my Lynda. I had to get her delicate fingers sticky with blood again. It was the first step back to who she really was, which I must say again, is me. And who am I? I am that whisper or creak in the dark that scares you normal people shitless! I am the fear that cuts deep into your gut at three in the morning when your precious child is still not home. Maybe she or he, sex doesn‟t matter, met up with a black haired Englishman out for a walk through the foggy streets of Edinburgh. Maybe they went for a walk together, and just maybe…you‟ll imagine their screams in your head for the rest of your life…after they find what‟s left, of course. 117
  • 118. C hapter 11 FORWARD Gavin thought he was the only one that had seen the smile shared between Lynda and the stranger standing beside him. As soon as the door closed behind Lynda and the mob, Gavin turned and found that the mysterious Englishman was walking away. Instinctively, he raised his camera and got a shot of the man‟s back. Gavin took a deep breath and followed him. On a back street, about five blocks from the courthouse, he saw the man get into a dark colored Lexus. Gavin just barely had time to get a shot of the plate number as he drove off leaving the reporter more curious than he‟d been since the apartment massacre had been discovered. 1. One of the guards, feeling a little sympathy for the hurt girl, took his handkerchief and wiped the blood off of Lynda‟s 118
  • 119. forehead. She mouthed thank you to him. He looked away and threw the handkerchief in the trash can. The hearing was just a formality. Lynda had already been declared that she was not responsible for the culpable homicide of the twenty-one victims, due to diminished capacity, in the apartment murders. She was to spend the next two years in the State Hospital in Carstairs. Then as suddenly as it had begun, the hearing was over. She hadn‟t been required to say a word. But she didn‟t need to because despite it all, Lynda could only focus on his smile. Edan‟s smile had reaffirmed her hope for the future. 119
  • 120. L ynda‟s Lie So, I got angry. I don‟t think I have ever allowed myself to get angry before. I‟ve wanted to but then I‟d get scared and then I‟d just end up crying. I mean it‟s insane; the men that hurt me would have deserved it, right. But no, I couldn‟t let them know they‟d made me mad. I guess looking back at it, I didn‟t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they‟d gotten to me in that way. Why give those bastards any more of me when they‟d taken so much already? I must be defective or crazy because seeing all those chopped up bits of that nurse reminded me of how I‟d been chopped up and abused. Each piece I threw represented each time someone used me sexually. There I said it. I have never uttered those words before. They abused me sexually. And I threw every one of them away. But right now, I‟m sitting on the cold ground being kept warm and safe by a killer while his friends clean blood out of a car. Defective or insane? 120
  • 121. 2. The little bitch had smiled. Chief Inspector Simmons poured another shot of whisky down his throat. After the hearing this morning, he had decided that the only way to get that smile out of his head was by ingesting large amounts of whisky. He sat alone on the floor of his dark, one room flat right beside his window. The bottle was between his knees. He‟d given up using a glass about an hour and two bottles ago. Dressed only in his boxer shorts, he leaned his bare chest onto the sill of the window and laid his head down onto his arms. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Lynda‟s smile. “Bitch!” he cried out into the lonely apartment. The words echoed around him. He took another drink. This time when he put his head down, he passed out. 3. Edinburgh slept uneasily that night. A killer had been caught and sentenced. In the morning a bus would take her away from them. Then they could be safe and sleep soundly 121
  • 122. again. But not tonight. Tonight the shadows seemed darker; the night was more intense and somehow colder than usual. The pubs were unusually empty of cheerful party goers and were filled instead with angry young men looking for a chance to fight. When the pubs shut down, they took that drunker anger home, and the fighting continued. And after the fights, the city tried to sleep. But it couldn‟t, not until she had left. Not until the blood had been washed away. 122
  • 123. C hapter 12 Lynda watched the Scottish countryside roll by her window. She was getting farther and farther away from any sense of who she used to be and closer to her fate. She was closer to being changed from a little girl into a woman by the fire of Edan and his desires. The bus kept moving and the rolling hills kept passing by her window. Lynda closed her eyes. Edan‟s smile was still inside her mind, keeping her safe. 1. Simmons head was pounding. A steady pounding that wouldn‟t let up. He slowly opened his eyes. The light from the window sent sharp daggers of pain into his brain. He quickly closed them again. The pounding got louder. “Chief Inspector! It‟s Gavin Keane; please I need to talk to you!” “Shit!” grumbled Simmons under his breath. “Inspector!” The voice outside of his apartment yelled again. Simmons stood up and gravity pushed him back down again. 123
  • 124. “Open the goddamn door yourself!” Simmons held his head in his hands. The front door opened and Gavin stepped inside. “You look like a pile of shit.” “Thanks, that‟s funny. It‟s what I think most reporters are full of.” “Here, let me help you up.” Gavin put out his hand and Simmons gingerly stood up. “Well, if you don‟t mind me saying so, you hardly look like a distinguished Chief Inspector.” Simmons looked down at his pot belly covered with grey hair and his dingy boxers. “Stay here. I‟ll go turn myself into him. But this had better be damn good.” 2. Lynda finally was able to sleep. Of course, it was the drugged sleep of the insane but that didn‟t matter. She was alone in her mind and sleep finally took over. But it was the dreams that waited. Soon she was a little girl again. “Stop that fucking crying Lynnie!” Her mother Annie Carmichael screamed through the bathroom door. 124
  • 125. A man laughed. “I told you not to have her, but no…you had to find out what being a mother felt like. So tell me, what does it feel like now?” Lonnie, Annie‟s dealer and pimp, was sitting naked on a stained dark green couch. “It feels like a frigging weight around my neck, that‟s what it feels like.” Anne, also naked, leaned forward and picked up a syringe off of the coffee table. She held it up and kissed it. Then she plunged it into her arm. “But this makes it all better.” “And to pay for it, you have to make me feel better.” Annie looked at him warily. “There‟s an old friend of yours that I need you to be real nice to, if you understand what I mean. In fact, you two were introduced a few years ago. Just like last time it‟ll take a couple of weeks for you to heal again, but business is business.” She nodded her head wearily. She knew exactly what he meant. “Anything he wants, he gets. Got it? And you act grateful he asked for it. But first…..” Lonnie pushed her head towards his lap, “the appetizer.” He laughed crudely at his joke. 125
  • 126. In the bathroom, Lynda listened to the sounds of sex in the next room. She started to cry. Then she looked up and saw Edan standing there. He took her hand and led her back from her dream to where she was no longer a defenseless girl. She awoke up in her new home, Carstairs Hospital, with his voice in her ears. “I‟ll always walk with you, love. Never forget. Never stop believing.” 126
  • 127. E dan‟s Truth Hmm…the idea of Lynda crying in that dirty bathroom…angers me to the point of wanting to murder her mother. But that would be committing a murder based on an emotion and only novices kill out of anger, fear, or passion. And dear Reader, I am most certainly a professional when it comes to the fine art of murder. But doesn‟t that beg the question…how did I go from a supposedly innocent child to the man I am today? Is there such a reality as childhood innocence? When each one of us is pushed out of our dear old mum‟s cunt, are we really a blank slate? Do society and the people that care for us write the scripts that our adult lives will follow one day? Or…are we born with our personalities and fates already in place? If a twin had been with me in my uterine home, would I have killed it? I believe I would have slowly eaten him or her to death for two reasons. One, there can only be one Edan Grahame and two, it‟s who I am…a killer. 127
  • 128. C hapter 14 Gavin walked towards the apartment building. It was still deserted. The windows had been boarded up. He looked at his watch …11:35. The night air made him shiver. He pulled his coat tighter around his waist as he reached for the front door knob. He twisted it and to his surprise, the door opened. “Come in Mr. Reporter. I‟ve been waiting for you.” Gavin stepped into the dark hallway. Simmons was standing holding a flashlight on the floor in front of him. “That story of yours got me thinking.” “Did you find out who he was?” “All in good time, boy. We‟ll have to take the stairs to the top floor. The power was turned off a while back, so the lift won‟t work.” With each set of stairs, Gavin‟s apprehension grew stronger and stronger. Simmons was quiet as they made their way to the top floor. Just outside the door, Simmons stopped. “You all right, old man?” “Yeah, it‟s just coming back to me. Walking into a nightmare that day….anyway lets get on with it.” 128
  • 129. He opened the door and they walk into what once looked like a scene from a horror movie. Down the hall another door opened into a large meeting room. Gavin looked around the dark room. Slashes of light streamed across the wooden plank floor from the moon shining brightly outside the windows. Everything had been removed, nothing was left but the dark stains the blood had left on the floor. “So, this is where it all went down.” “This is it. Bodies and pieces of bodies were scattered in every direction. Blood was literally dripping from the walls and ceiling, in here and in the hall.” Simmons leaned his back up against a window. He looked over at Gavin and quietly said, “Think one little sixteen year old girl did all of that on her own?” “Well, she was American…Those women can be brutal.” Gavin said in a feeble attempt at humor. Simmons sighed deeply. “I‟m serious, Mr. Reporter. One little girl.” “I know you‟re serious, Inspector. It‟s been nagging at me since the start.” Gavin and Simmons looked at each other and said simultaneously, “She couldn‟t have.” 129
  • 130. They laughed nervously. “This guy you saw at the Justiciary. I ran his plates.” “And?” “Well, all I‟ve got so far is that he was born and raised in London. He‟s a rich daddy‟s boy. Actually daddy just died a few months ago.” “So, no connection to Lynda Carmichael?” “I didn‟t say that.” Simmons now had Gavin‟s full attention. “Guess who the two men in the car with Miss America worked for?” “Then…it has to be him!” Simmons put up his hand and said, “Just a minute. I can‟t go anywhere near him….legally. The case is closed, remember. I can‟t, but a certain nosey reporter can.” Gavin nodded. From inside his coat, Simmons took out a manila envelope. “Here‟s what I was able to dig up on this man. If it got out that I did even this much, I‟m history. So, we don‟t know each other. We never met.” 130
  • 131. He threw the envelope on the floor and quickly walked out of the room. Gavin could hear Simmons‟ footsteps going down the stairs. He bent down and picked the envelope up. A photo fell on the floor. It was the man Gavin had seen at the courthouse. It was a picture of Edan. 131
  • 132. C hapter 15 Lynda stood in a line with five other women. Each were handcuffed and dressed in plain white jumpsuits. They were waiting for their required medical exam. The woman right in front of Lynda was moving her head from side to side, holding a conversation with some invisible person named „Bobbie‟. “Hey!” the woman behind her whispered. Lynda turned her head slightly and said,” What do you want?” “Stay away from her up there.” She nodded toward the woman in front of them. “She stabbed her little boy to death. Said she was driving the devil out of the little bugger.” Lynda nodded her head. “My name‟s Tish. Yours?” “Lynda.” “Sound like a Yank.” “That‟s because I am.” Just then a nurse called out Lynda‟s name. “We‟ll talk later. Maybe we‟ll get assigned to the same ward.” 132
  • 133. Lynda nodded again and walked into the examination room. “Have a seat please.” Lynda sat on the end of a gynecological exam table. The nurse stood by her with a clip board in front of her. The doctor walked in and shut the door. “Ok, Miss, this will be just a routine check-up. We‟ll go over your history, do a quick exam and you‟ll soon be on your way.” Everything went as the Doctor had said until the very last set of questions. “Now, Miss we‟ll need to go over your sexual history. Then we‟ll do a pelvic and that will be all.” “No.” Lynda said quietly but firmly. “Now look here, Miss. It‟s a requirement under Scottish law. The law that sentenced you to our loving care for the next two years of your life. You will have a pelvic performed.” “NO!” This time Lynda jumped toward the Doctor. A guard quickly grabbed her and held her down on the floor. She screamed as if in agony. The Doctor shook his head and grabbed a syringe from the nurse. He plunged it into Lynda‟s buttock. 133
  • 134. “Goodnight sweetheart.” He turned towards the nurse. “As soon as she‟s out completely, get her ready for that pelvic.” 1. When Lynda woke up, she was in a dorm type room with ten other beds, five on each side of the room. The other women were sound asleep with the help of large amounts of psych medicine. At one end of the room were a line of chrome colored toilets and a dimly lit shower area. At the other end, two nurses sat a large desk while a guard stood watch. Lynda lifted up and looked around. These were the same women she had waited with in the medical wing. Good, she thought to herself. That woman behind me, Tish was her name, she was about my size. Lynda began to think about her new found friend, and then she began to plan. Lynda began to plan for the day she would be able to escape. But it all depended on how close she could get to Tish. 134
  • 135. 2. When Simmons walked away from Gavin he expected to feel relieved as if he‟d just put down a huge burden. But he didn‟t. In fact he felt worse. Instead of heading home he walked aimlessly through the back streets of Edinburgh‟s Old Town. This was his city and these were his streets. They were the streets he‟d grown up on and these were the streets he‟d sworn to protect as an officer of the law. The more he walked, the madder felt, and somehow the drunken inspector had finally sobered up. Now he had a purpose. Damn the legalities. He was going to do his job. “If it‟s the last thing I ever do, I will bring this murderer to justice,” Simmons said out loud to the dark city walls. Simmons headed for the police station and the familiarity of his office. He needed to become a cop again. 3. In the dark of the apartment building, Gavin sat and tried to imagine what that night must have been like. No screams had been reported from the surrounding buildings. 135
  • 136. “What happened here?” Gavin whispered into the dark around him. But the shadows were silent. The quiet was getting to Gavin. He picked up the photo and quickly left the building. He got into his beat up Honda and drove home. He cranked up the radio. He needed to get the dead silence out of his head and he needed some rest before formulating a plan of attack on Edan Grahame. 136
  • 137. C hapter 16 REWIND The four made their way down to the shore. Lynda meekly followed Edan. Blake and Dusty each carried two large duffel bags. Once down on the beach, Edan turned to Lynda and said, “Time to get cleaned up, so strip down we‟ll take a quick dip and soon we‟ll be presentable in society again.” Lynda suddenly snapped out of her daze. “Naked? Now? Here in the freezing cold with you people watching?” “Americans are too uptight.” Dusty said mockingly. Lynda watched in embarrassment as each man casually undressed. “Damn, this is invigorating, isn‟t boys? Your turn, love.” “No!” cried Lynda with her hands on her hips, obviously angry. Then suddenly, she turned to run but Blake caught her by the waist. 137
  • 138. “You‟re not going anywhere little girl.” “Just hold her for me Blake.” said Edan, walking towards them. Lynda turned red and looked down at the sand. Completely serious, he caressed her face. “Blake you and Dusty can watch. That‟s all. I need to warm up my sweet Lynda before we take a bath.” Edan gently kissed Lynda on the forehead, then on the nose, and finally his lips touched hers. She shivered violently. Blake held her firmly by the shoulders. Edan kissed her neck. Electric shocks ran freely through her body. Then slowly, he undressed her, softly stroking each part of her body. Her nipples ached. Completely nude, Lynda stood before Edan, her body on fire with the need to satisfy the ache that he had inflicted on her. He took her hand and placed it on his erect penis. Almost unwillingly, she caressed him, feeling his rock-like hardness, soft silky skin and the sticky wetness oozing from its tip. “Let‟s go.” Edan whispered. Suddenly and without warning Blake threw Lynda over his shoulders and ran to the water. All four plunged into the icy sea. The cold shocked Lynda back into reality. But minute by minute, the terrified victim was slowly retreating. Somehow, insane or not, she was starting to feel a part of these three. 138
  • 139. Edan had even brought a jogging suit for her to wear, a pair of white cotton panties, socks, and surprisingly shoes her size. Dusty started a small fire and the bloody clothes were burned and the ashes buried. Sitting on the damp, cold sand Lynda watched the waves roll in and out. In and out. She closed her eyes. Her body still ached. 139
  • 140. E dan‟s Truth You know, sexual experiences for all of us happen from almost the very beginning of our life. Stiff little pricks and clits have been hiding inside of nappies since we humans started wearing them. Sometimes they happen when we want them to, but most of the time they are forced on us when we least expect it. You already know I despise a rapist, so how could I have two men hold Lynda while I touched her lovely body? Because I instinctively knew she wanted me. And dear Reader I am about to really enrage the women holding this book right now. Women and girls have been programmed, so to speak, by society to keep those naughty feelings about sex hidden deep inside. (Pun intended!) If the girl doesn‟t keep control over the wet cunt throbbing between her legs, she gets no respect. The boy that just fucked her will be down with his mates, five minutes after pulling out of her, calling her a slut, slag, whore…you get the idea. So, „good‟ women and girls protect their self-respect by denying their natural instincts. And dear Reader, that‟s where the issue of control becomes important. Deep down I believe these „good‟ women need us to force the act upon them so they 140
  • 141. don‟t have to make the decision…do I or don‟t I...Slut or virgin...Whore or Madonna? What I did to Lynda was NOT a violation but the start of a beautiful seduction. So, how many of you females out there are going to stop reading my story? I‟ll bet that not one of you will be able to look away from me while I force these ideas in my head on you. It‟ll be a wonderful mind fuck, so read on because instinctively you want me just as bad as Lynda does. 141
  • 142. C hapter 17 FORWARD “Why did you freak out yesterday?” Tish whispered to Lynda. They were at breakfast in the large dining hall. Lynda was playing with her oatmeal mush. “Well….I just did…ok?” “Fine, keep it yourself, then.” Tish sounded offended. “It‟s not that …..I‟m sorry. I really do want to be friends.” Tish smiled. “Just know that you can talk to me. Really talk, not like the bullshit we tell the doc‟s around here.” Lynda smiled back. “Thanks, I appreciate that.” “What are friends for?” “So we‟re friends then?” “I‟d like to think we could be close.” “Why me though, Tish? I‟m sure you‟ve read all about the sick baby killer.” 142
  • 143. Tish nodded and said, “I read all about you. Honestly, most of the women in here would like nothing better than to see you dead.” Lynda‟s face hardened. “Is that why you are getting friendly with me? Trying to get close enough to kill me?” “No, Lynda, that‟s not what I mean, and it‟s not what I‟m doing talking to you.” “Then why?” Lynda asked, sounding confused. “Well, it‟s because I know what it‟s like to get caught up in a situation.” Tish said sadly. “And that‟s why you‟re in here?” “Yes. I followed a man with my heart instead of my head and ended up with blood all over me. I have a feeling that you did the same.” Lynda was quiet for a few moments. “What did your man make you do?” Tish lowered her voice, “He liked to watch me, you know, with other men. When the bloke was finished with me my man Jay would knife him and take his money.” “And that‟s what got you in here?” “No.” Tish whispered. She took a deep breath before continuing on. 143
  • 144. “One night I was laying there while some idiot was getting off pounding me from the back and suddenly I got mad. I pulled away and then I used the knife on him before Jay could get in the room. Well, I got caught and Jay got away free and clear. According to the papers, I was a „man-hating black widow‟. What a crock. I wished I hated men then I wouldn‟t have listened to one in the first place.” Lynda reached over and took Tish‟s hand. She held it for a second and then let it go. Tish smiled. The two women finished their breakfast quietly. 144
  • 145. L ynda‟s Lie I guess you would have fought Edan if he‟d touched you like that. I couldn‟t or maybe I didn‟t want to. I was told by one of my abusers that men instinctively know who‟s a dirty girl and who‟s a good girl. And since I was obviously one of the dirty ones, I must be enjoying what he was making me do to him. But I never liked it. What Edan did felt different somehow. I shouldn‟t have liked it, but I did and truthfully, I didn‟t want him to stop. I have to more insane than defective because a killer…a man that enjoys killing…I wanted to give my body to him. This man has some sort of hold on me that only insanity can explain. How can I look into his eyes and see myself looking back? 145
  • 146. 1. Well rested and ready, Gavin set out for a look at Edan Grahame. The address was the St. Vincent‟s in New Town. It was the penthouse suite, which was a world away from his low- rent Leith Walk flat. Do I confront him first or observe him for a while, Gavin thought to himself. Either way, getting past the security in that building was going to be a pain in the ass. 2. “Chief Inspector Simmons to see Mr. Edan Grahame, please.” The doorman looked Simmons over and nodded. “Wait here. I‟ll ring the penthouse.” The lobby of the St. Vincent was magnificent with gleaming marble tile, mahogany woodwork, brass fittings and of course, a snobby doorman. “You can proceed, Chief Inspector.” “Thanks.” The doorman led him to the lift that ran only to the penthouse. The ride seemed to take forever. Simmons kept the file he carried close to his chest. He stepped out of the lift into a 146
  • 147. hall which was just as grand as the lobby. The penthouse door opened and a young Englishman stepped out. “Come in Chief Inspector. To what do I owe this pleasure?” 147
  • 148. C hapter 18 It was naptime and there was work for Lynda to do. She closed her eyes and became a child again. Sitting in the bathroom crying, she heard a knock on the door. Anne opened it and standing before her was a tall, lean older man with a young boy, about ten years old, by his side. “What the fuck is this, Trevor?” “Now Annie, you are supposed to be nice to me.” His English accent was smooth and carried a hint of aristocracy. He pushed the boy into the room and followed him inside. Anne stood nervously, dressed in a faded silk red robe, her dyed blonde hair curled and her face heavily made-up. “Now come and give us a hug. It‟s been awhile and I‟ve missed you. Seven long years and still, you are up to the same old tricks.” He reached for her and she stiffened. Trevor ripped open her robe. “There, that‟s better.” “What about the boy?” she whispered. “He‟s seen it all, so don‟t worry love. We‟ll have a painfully good time. I assume you still have what we need?” 148
  • 149. Anne nodded her head. “Good. First I want to see the little girl.” Ann started to protest but Trevor said,” She can keep my boy company. I just want to see her.” Lynda suddenly was awake. She sat up quickly. She felt disorientated. Where had Edan been? “Hey, you‟re finally awake. It‟s time to go watch the telly.” Still groggy Lynda got up, put on her shoes and slowly followed Tish out of the dorm. For the first time since being hospitalized, she felt alone. 149
  • 150. C hapter 19 Simmons opened the file and dumped out the crime scene photos onto Edan‟s living room table. “What do you know about this mess?” he asked Edan harshly. “That it took a lot of mopping up?” Edan said in a laughing tone of voice. Simmons was speechless. “What did you expect? For me to break down, cry, maybe repent? I don‟t know you want me to say, Chief.” Simmons in shock sat on Edan‟s leather couch. “Take your photos and leave. I‟m not going to satisfy you. Not today.” Simmons slowly stood up, “You aren‟t denying….” Edan laughed. “Too easy Inspector. Tell you what, how „bout we meet at a certain apartment building tomorrow night. Say, around ten? I‟ll let you know by then if you‟ve really caught a big, bad serial killer.” Simmons, still reeling in shock from the bizarre meeting with Mr. Grahame, walked out of the building and headed 150
  • 151. straight for the nearest pub. He never saw Gavin watching him from outside the St. Vincent. 1. “Ok, Lynda it‟s just us here. Why did you freak out on the doc?” Tish asked. They were sitting in front of the television, in the recreational area allocated for that dorm. “I don‟t want anyone touching me…you know…..down there.” Lynda said turning a bright shade of red. “You aren‟t a virgin, are you?” “No. It‟s just there‟s only one man I want anywhere near me. We belong to one another.” “How romantic, but I hate to point this out, you are in here and he‟s out there. That Doc might have been your only chance for at least a little bit of a feel.” Tish laughed. Lynda smiled. “No, he‟s with me. He‟s always with me.” 151
  • 152. 2. Gavin watched Simmons stumble past him. There could only be one reason the detective was walking out of the St. Vincent. He‟d met Mr. Edan Grahame and from the look on his face, it hadn‟t gone well. Well, now he didn‟t have to run up and confront any possible killer. He‟d just keep his eye on Simmons and Grahame from a nice safe distance. Eventually, they were bound to meet again. 152
  • 153. C hapter 20 REWIND Back in the car once again but this time it was clean and appeared innocent of the crimes of that night. Lynda sat in the back with Edan while Blake drove. Dusty was slumped down in the front passenger seat, half-asleep. Lynda watched the sun disappear from sight. A feeling of despair washed over her as she pondered what her fate would be. Edan was touching the back of her hair gently. Tears stung her eyes. She didn‟t know who she was anymore. Lynda looked up at Edan. His profile was strong and handsome. “Who are you?” she whispered. Edan looked into her eyes. Lynda wished could just hide inside his hazel eyes forever. “I am someone that knows you inside and out Lynda Carmichael. I also know that you and I are one.” He caressed her face. She closed her eyes. “I feel lost….I feel confused…I feel….” “Insane, perhaps?” “How could I have any part in all of this?” 153
  • 154. “All of what Lynda? Come on, you need to say it.” “I can‟t! I have never….” “Oh yes you have.” Edan said firmly. “I told you that you and I are the same. You already knew what murder tasted like years before you stepped into my car.” “I don‟t know what you are talking about!” Lynda snapped angrily. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Edan laughed. “Blake turn that song up.” The music played in the background. “Lynda, let me ask you one question.” He leaned closer and whispered hotly in her ear,” What did you do to the first dirty little boy that touched you here.” He put his hand between her legs. “Or here?” Edan brought his hand up slowly and caressed her breast. Lynda‟s heart was pounding in her chest, and her mouth was dry as the fire he‟d ignited in her from the very beginning threatened to overtake her. “Tell me Lynda, what did you do to him?” 154
  • 155. “I don‟t know what you‟re talking about.” she whispered, her voice hoarse with desire. “Well, maybe this will refresh your memory, love.” Edan slid his hand down inside her pants. Lynda‟s stomach quivered when he touched its soft skin. He carefully moved his fingers into her panties, the wetness he found there spoke volumes to him. “Tell me or I‟ll stop.” Edan whispered, he flicked his tongue over her ear. Lynda could feel an orgasm building up slowly. “I‟ll stop…” he warned. “No…please…” “Then tell me…” As Lynda‟s body exploded in ecstasy, she screamed out, “I killed him!” “That‟s what I wanted to hear.” Edan said as he took his hand out of her pants. “Now I want details and I want you to take care of this.” He pulled his pants down and Lynda put her hand on his prominent erection. She tenderly stroked the soft skin of his penis. Edan leaned back and closed his eyes. “Tell me.” he whispered. “There was this boy…he used to pick on me a lot.” 155
  • 156. “And….slow down a little.” “Is this better?” Lynda slowed the rhythm of her hand. “I don‟t want to finish too fast. Go on tell me more.” “Well, one day this boy, Jake I think his name was, acted real nice to me. Which he‟d never done before, I mean usually he was calling me all kinds of ugly names.” “But not on this day?” “He wanted to walk me home. But I should‟ve known that was a bad idea.” “How would you? You were just a kid, love. A little bit slower.” Lynda giggled. “Ok, anyway he was walking me home and on the way we passed this old abandoned building. He dared me to go look inside. I was scared, but Jake was treating me so nice.” “So, you did it.” Edan said his voice low and rough. “As soon as I stepped into the doorway, he pushed me inside. I tripped and fell on my face.” “I really hate this little bastard.” Edan rubbed Lynda‟s leg. “He held me down and tried to stick his fingers in me.” Her voice tightened in anger. “And did he?” 156
  • 157. “No! I grabbed a rock and busted him in the head.” “Good girl. At least you knew what to do.” “What do you mean?” “Look love, I‟m real close. Tell me how many times did you hit this cretin? “Till his head no longer looked like his head. If you know what I mean.” “Drink me Lynda. I need to explode in that pretty mouth of yours.” “And you‟ll do me again?” Edan laughed, “Now that‟s like the Lynda I‟ve been dreaming about.” She bent down and took as much of Edan‟s penis into her mouth as she could. He grabbed the back of her hair and shot his semen down her throat. Lynda tried not to gag at the bitter taste. When she lifted up Edan kissed her, his tongue filled her mouth just like his dick had. When the kiss was over, Lynda turned and found that the car had stopped. Blake and Dusty were watching and enjoying the show. Edan laughed crudely. “Was that hot enough for you, boys?” 157
  • 158. Lynda felt shame burn through her body replacing the sexual rush. She jumped out of the car and ran off into the night. 158
  • 159. E dan‟s Truth Yes, dear Reader, if you haven‟t figured it out already…I‟m a bastard. Which doesn‟t really bother me…I‟ve been one for as long as I can remember. But examine what happened in the car closely and you will realize my sweet little Lynda could have hardly been completely virginal, now could she? It takes practice to grip things just right and then drink up without an argument. It took me a few rounds of practice kills before I got it right. My first attempt at murder almost makes me blush at how ridiculous it was. And no you amateur psychologists out there….I did not torture animals. I tortured a mate of mine for the fun of it. We were about five, maybe six years old…he was the type that would do anything for me. So I made him prove how far he‟d go…and so, he slowly bled to death. I would cut in one spot, then another…waited and watched…cut some more…it was a learning experience. Just like Lynda had to have put her mouth on a few other cocks before she sucked mine…we all have to learn sometime, don‟t we? 159
  • 160. C hapter 21 FORWARD Gavin‟s finely honed reporter‟s instincts told him that something was up with Simmons and Grahame. He knew from experience that sometimes a story will reveal itself in a clearer light if the writer just stepped back and watched it unfold. Right now he was watching the outside of a popular pub. He wished he could go in and warm his chilled bones with a shot of whisky or a pint of beer. He checked the time. Another half an hour and he‟d head inside. Maybe the old guy was passed out in a corner. Gavin leaned back and blew on his fingers. It was almost ten o‟clock. The pub was, as usual, overflowing with people. In the frantic rush in and out, Simmons fought his way through and staggered out into the street. Gavin slumped down until the Chief Inspector stumbled past the car. He then got out and quickly followed him. Simmons turned off the main street and headed down a dark alley. The fog made it hard for Gavin to keep up with him. Another turn and the apartment building came into view. Gavin stopped and watched Simmons walk inside. 160
  • 161. In the dark of night with the fog enveloping the building, it looked as if it had swallowed the Inspector whole. Crossing the street, Gavin passed by a dark Lexus parked by a curb. He kept heading towards the building. He paused at the door. Despite the coldness of the night, sweat dripped off his face. Taking a deep breath he turned the knob. It was pitch black inside. Gavin dug into the pocket of his overcoat. He pulled out his keychain. The small flashlight barely illuminated the concrete floor in front of him. The darkness was heavy, almost making it hard to breathe. Gavin could hear footsteps on one of the upper floors. He began the long journey up the winding stairs. Halfway up, he heard a loud thump. He paused, and then the footsteps started again. Cautiously, Gavin continued up the dark stairway. At the top floor, he nervously opened the door. A noxious mix of odors assaulted his nose. He could smell urine, feces and something metallic, like hot copper. The hallway was deserted. Gavin carefully moved toward the door that opened into the infamous murder room. The only sound he could hear was his own heavy breathing. He leaned up against the door. Every nerve in his body told him to run. He put his ear against the cold wood. Dead silence. Gavin opened it and entered hell. Simmons was strung up over one of the windows. He had been stripped naked. Beams of moon light reflected off of 161
  • 162. the strips of flesh that were hanging off of what used to be the body of a Chief Inspector. Gavin, in complete shock, walked towards him. He felt something sticky on his shoes. He was walking in a massive pool of blood. Behind him, the door slammed shut. Gavin nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned around and found himself staring at a naked Edan Grahame. Gavin started to hyperventilate. “Welcome to the numb, fool.” Edan laughed and leaned up against the only exit. “That‟s my favorite line from one of my favorite bands. I‟m sure you‟ve heard of Motley Crue? Twisted American fucks with some really sick lyrics.” Gavin, unable to speak, just stared and struggled to breathe. Edan‟s skin was covered in Simmons blood and shined red and gold in the moonlight. He slowly walked toward the doomed reporter. He held out a large black-handled knife in front of him. Gavin hastily stepped back and slipped. He fell on his backside in the pool of blood. Edan jumped on his chest and held the knife to Gavin‟s throat. “You want to know what happened to all those people up here? Well, Mr. Reporter I‟m not going to tell you…..I‟m going to show you.” 162
  • 163. Edan in one swift move cut out Gavin‟s tongue. “All that screaming gives me a headache.” He smiled. Then he went to work. 163
  • 164. L ynda‟s Lie Well Edan proved he can be a bastard to me, too. Maybe it‟s not me that‟s insane, it‟s the men that have invaded my life and used me. Yes, I did kill that boy for trying to do to me what so many others had done. So I snapped and hit him with a big rock. The first hit was the hardest, my arms were shaking. But with each hit, it got easier. It‟s the blood I can‟t seem to forget, though. It and small pieces of his head were everywhere. And after I washed it all off me, I masturbated. I guess that shocks you. It shocked me at the time. Edan, in that car, was the first man to give me an orgasm. So, I was trying to return the favor. But when he let his two friends watch…it all turned to shame. And shame is what has been eating me up inside for years. I felt all the old feelings pour over me again and it woke me up. I was falling in love with a killer and insane or not, I had to get away from him. 164
  • 165. C hapter 22 REWIND Lynda ran into the alley and squatted down by a dumpster trying to hide. She was still crying. Edan ordered Blake to park the car off the street. Then the three men spread out to search for Lynda. Edan calmly walked down the street, passing several narrow off streets and alleyways until he was confident he‟d found the right one. He waited until he caught sight of the other two, then he waved them over. He pointed quietly toward the dumpster in the alley. A group of women, dressed to party, were loudly laughing and heading their way. As they passed the three men, one tall blonde whistled at them. “You lot look a bit lonely. Join us for some fun?” Edan looked her up and down with a disgusted look on his face. “Right….Joining up with a bunch of sluts on parade is not my idea of fun.” “Wanker!” she said turning away, her heavily made up face turning a bright shade of red. Edan laughed. 165
  • 166. “No telling what we‟ll catch, anyway.” Blake said dryly. A noise in the alley caught their attention. A dark shape was running towards the other end. “Let‟s go.” Edan said firmly. Lynda heard their voices at the end of the alley. She stopped crying, gathered her courage and ran again. But this time she found herself on a busy street. The shock of seeing people, actual normal people, almost made her cry again. They walked past her heading off to their mundane lives where murder and madness have no place except in books or in movies. Couples, lost in each others eyes, and the lonely lost in their pain, both passed by the young American who was also lost…lost in a world colored by blood. Lynda walked slowly through the crowd, her eyes searching for some sign of humanity. Desperately she prayed for a kind look to save her life because deep in her gut, Lynda was already missing him. She not only missed him, she needed him. Edan. Suddenly the crowd in its entire grand normalcy seemed grotesque. She headed for the nearest off street that she could find. Now she really was lost. This street was thankfully quiet. Lynda walked toward an old apartment building. The glow from the lights on the top floor seemed to be inviting her to come inside. Unable to resist, 166
  • 167. Lynda walked up to the door and put her hand on the door knob. She rested her forehead on the cold wood of the door. Edan, seemingly from out of nowhere, took her hair and twisted it up in his fist. “Don‟t ever walk out on me again.” “Let me go.” she whispered, her face still pressed up against the door. “Let‟s go where we can talk. There‟s so much I need to tell you. So much to explain, Lynda love.” “Why? So you can use me to entertain the „troops‟ again?” Edan took a deep breath and for a rare moment his demeanor changed. “I‟m sorry for that but I needed to break down those walls you‟ve built up since we first bonded. I need you to wake up from that damned American dream you are lost in. I‟m also….a man. We tend to talk with our dicks and only see the consequences later.” Lynda turned around, obviously affected by his apology but still angry. “You keep saying we‟ve known each other before. How?” “All in good time. We‟ve still got more work to do and this old building looks like it could be the perfect spot.” 167
  • 168. Edan stepped back onto the side walk and looked up at the top floor. It was full of people. He looked at Lynda. “What will it take to make it right?” Dusty and Blake walked up beside Edan. Lynda‟s face hardened. “Come here and I‟ll tell you.” She folded her arms across her chest. Edan walked back to her, put one hand on either side of her face and leaned in close. “You want me to be completely and totally yours, in mind, body, and spirit?” He nodded. Lynda stood on her toes and whispered in his ear. “And that‟s what it‟ll take, love?” his voice low and husky. “Yes. That‟s what it will take,” she paused, “love.” Edan smiled back. He turned the knob on the door. “Let‟s get it started.” 168
  • 169. C hapter 23 FORWARD The women around Lynda moaned in their sleep. The hospital‟s noises of the night were keeping her awake. And she needed to sleep. She needed to dream. She needed him. Edan. Lynda closed her eyes and started counting each breath she took. Gradually and slowly she finally drifted away. She drifted into the past where Edan waited. He waited to finally show her the person she really was and more importantly how the were indeed, one. So Lynda drifted back in time. Back to that cheap apartment and back to her drugged up whore of a mother. Each time the whip cracked and hit Annie‟s bare flesh little Lynda‟s body shuddered. She was sitting behind Trevor‟s boy. Her face was buried into his back. Both had been stripped of their clothes and from a corner of the bedroom, they were being forced to watch. Lynda‟s hot tears ran down Edan‟s twelve year old back. He whispered urgently, “Don‟t let him see you cry. Trust me; he gets worse if you do.” 169
  • 170. Annie was stretched out on the bed on her stomach. Her arms and legs were hand cuffed to the bed posts. Her back and legs were bloody and covered in welts. “Trevor, I need more junk if you want to keep going.” Annie said, her voice obviously reflecting the physical pain she was enduring. Trevor tossed the whip aside. He walked over to a table beside the bed where a dirty syringe filled with a brown liquid lay. He picked it up, quickly found a vein in her arm and expertly plunged it in. Annie smiled as the poison traveled through her bloodstream numbing the mental and physical pain her mind and body suffered twenty four hours a day. Edan‟s small hands were clenched into fists. His young body was rock hard with rage. He could feel Lynda shivering with fear behind him. “Whatever you do Lynda, don‟t look.” Edan‟s face showed no emotion at the sickening scene his father was orchestrating before them. He‟d seen this and worse many times over. He knew the script almost by heart. Soon, Trevor Grahame, his father, affluent banker, part-time aristocrat, and full time sadist, would start using his favorite toy; an extra large dildo that would leave Annie bleeding from two of her orifices as well. 170
  • 171. Edan had been watching his so called sophisticated father torture hookers for many years. In fact, he couldn‟t remember a time when he wasn‟t being forced to watch. But this time Lynda was here. Sweet, young Lynda. Her tender innocent body shivering against his back brought out raw emotions in the young boy. He wanted to protect her from his father and his sick twisted games. Annie cried out and Lynda‟s fingers dug into his sides. He felt something warm on his legs. She had urinated on the floor. “I‟m sorry,” Lynda whispered into his back over and over again. Her voice quivering violently. “It‟s not your fault.” Edan said wearily. His eyes throwing daggers at his father. It seemed to take forever to satisfy Trevor‟s blood lust. But finally he passed out on the couch as soon as he‟d sprayed his orgasm on Annie‟s bruised and battered breast and stomach. Annie, this time spread out on her back, drifted in and out of consciousness. She needed her fix. Without it, the mental pain was intolerable. Physical torture was nothing compared to the razor sharp memories of the past. Memories that cut her open with every breath she took. Heroin was Annie‟s only savior. 171
  • 172. Right now with her defenses down, those memories were hacking away at the thin membrane in her head that separated vicious reality from her usually numb existence of denial. Anne opened her eyes half way. Her daughter was huddled in a corner with Trevor‟s boy. Self pity washed through her. What a fine example of a mother she was. To her surprise, her eyes watered with tears. Annie hadn‟t cried for years. Not since the day she‟d given birth to Lynda. The moment her daughter‟s tiny body was laid in her arms Annie promised God to always love and protect her little girl. She‟d promised to get help and give up the life of a hooker strung out on drugs, but deep inside the memories laughed and rattled the chains that had kept her captive for so long. She was lying to herself again and she knew it. Lynda was going to be another victim in Annie‟s life of poisonous memories. She closed her eyes again. There was no safe haven to run to anymore. The memories attacked with a vengeance. Flashes of being raped over and over for years by a drunken step-father…flashes of her mother accusing Annie of wanting it….and flashes of life on the street. Her body had always belonged to someone else and what was left of her mind she freely gave to whatever drug she could get her hands on. She knew now that maybe Trevor had been right six years ago. An abortion would have been kinder to their 172
  • 173. daughter. What a freak show of a family. Annie opened her eyes again. Lynda was looking right back at her. “Get away from me!” Annie snapped. Lynda just stood by the bed, Edan stood behind her. “I said get away from me!” she hissed again. Lynda leaned over and gingerly touched one of the many welts on her mother‟s body. She smeared the mixture of sperm and blood onto her fingers. “I hate you mother.” Lynda said quietly, still rubbing the slimy liquid between her fingers. “I wish he‟d have killed you.” Annie started laughing. “You aren‟t the only one, you little bitch.” Edan whispered in Lynda‟s ear. She looked up at him and he nodded. “You can do it Lynda. End it now before you turn into her one day.” Lynda looked over at Trevor. “Don‟t worry about him. I‟ll take care of that fat load of trash after you finish.” He put a pair of scissors in Lynda‟s small hand. Annie had blacked out again. “How do I do this?” 173
  • 174. He wrapped her hand around the silver handle and covered it with his own. “It depends on whether you want her to feel it or not.” “I just want her to be gone.” He guided her hand until the blade of the scissors rested against the side of her mother‟s throat. Fascinated, Lynda could see the veins throbbing in Annie‟s neck. “You ready?” Edan asked. She nodded and at the same time, both children plunged the scissors through Annie‟s neck. The spray of blood hit them in the face. Annie‟s body convulsed against the hand cuffs. Lynda put her arms around Edan‟s waist. She wasn‟t crying or shaking in fear anymore. “Burn in hell mother.” Lynda said against Edan‟s bare chest. As soon as Annie‟s body stopped moving Edan tore the scissors out of her neck. “Now it‟s my turn. Go get your clothes and wait in the bathroom. Stay there until I finish. Ok?” Lynda nodded yes, picked up her clothes and headed for the bathroom. As she waited, sitting on the floor, Lynda could hear the scissors stab Trevor again and again. She closed her eyes, put her head in her lap and hugged her knees. 174
  • 175. Edan opened the door. He was drenched in his father‟s blood. He squatted down and lifted up her head. “Do everything I say and we‟ll get out of this. First we‟ve got to get cleaned up. When the police get here, I talk, not you, ok?” “You won‟t leave me?” she asked, her voice trembling. “Let‟s get dressed and we‟ll talk about it.” Lynda for once in her life, felt safe as she allowed Edan to care for her. He tenderly bathed her, washed her hair and dressed her as if she were a precious object. For the first time, she got a glimpse of what unconditional love could feel like. Before the police led him away from her, he‟d promised that one day they would be together again and nothing, not even God himself would be able to tear them apart. 175
  • 176. E dan‟s Truth Well dear Reader, now you know my sweet Lynda and I are bonded…with and by blood. The egg and womb were different but the sperm was the same. It had been delivered hot and fresh from my old man‟s prick into both our dear mum‟s cunts. So, I think the dead Trevor Grahame had something in his„boys‟ that created two extremely gifted children. Don‟t you? And so we killed them…her mum…my dad…you can‟t say they didn‟t deserve it. But what I want you to at least understand is our bond…our connection…Lynda and I are tied together by the unbreakable threads of fate. We are two halves of the same person…soul mates…lovers…brother and sister…a killer and his beautiful, lethal mate. But it‟s the sex thing between siblings that bothers you, doesn‟t it? Forget that bodies are piling up all around you…a sister sucking on her brothers dick is really twisted. 176
  • 177. C hapter 24 Lynda went to sleep that night a girl but she woke up a woman. Pieces of her life now made sense. A feeling of self assurance replaced the chaos that had once reigned inside. Calmly, she knew it was time. It was time to put the plan she‟d been working on into action. Lynda rolled over and looked towards the night nurse on duty. The clock on the wall read 3:00. The nurse had her head down on the desk and the guard was gone. She slipped out of bed and crept over to where Tish lay sleeping. Kneeling on the floor, Lynda gently touched her friends face. “Tish…wake up.” After a couple of whispers Tish opened her eyes. “Lynda?” “Shh. The night nurse is asleep again and I really need to talk to you.” “Now?” Tish whispered smiling up at Lynda. “Please?” Lynda asked, her fingers playing with one of Tish‟s curls. “We could go into the showers. No one would see us in there.” She caressed Tish‟s neck and slowly ran a finger down towards her breasts. 177
  • 178. “So it‟s like that, then?” Tish said huskily. Lynda giggled, “Well, like you said I‟m in here and he‟s out there.” Tish reached out from underneath the covers and touched Lynda‟s cheek. “You sure?” Lynda answered by kissing Tish on the mouth. “I‟ll go in first and you follow in a few minutes. Ok?” Tish nodded yes, her cheeks red with desire. Lynda quietly crept into the showers. On the left side were a row of safety mirrors and sinks, and to the right were individual shower stalls made of rough gray concrete. The only light was a dim strip of bare fluorescent bulbs overhead. She quickly made her way to the last one. Getting undressed, she heard Tish coming towards her. Then Tish silently undressed and Lynda pulled her close. She began kissing her deeply, their tongues touching urgently. Lynda sucked on Tish‟s nipples gently, and then licked down her body until she reached her mound of pubic hair. Tish lifted her leg and rested it on the stall‟s stone bench. With her tongue, and fingers, Lynda easily brought her to orgasm. “Lay down on the floor.” Lynda said breathing heavily. “”But it‟s your turn.” 178
  • 179. “Not yet. There‟s something I want to try. You game?” Tish lay down on the cold concrete floor. Lynda stood up and turned the shower on. She tested the water until it was a warm gentle spray. The water made Tish‟s skin glisten seductively. Lynda sat down beside her again. She spread Tish‟s legs apart. The slowly, and gently, Lynda put each finger on her right hand inside the other woman‟s vagina. She pushed her hand in all the way up to the knuckles. Tish gasped. “Damn that feels good!” “I‟m going to push in deeper, ok?” “Yeah…but slowly. This is so fucking intense.” Lynda moved her hand in a little deeper. Tish‟s legs were quivering violently and she arched her back. With her left hand, Lynda rubbed Tish‟s breasts, gently pinching her nipples. Tish moaned louder. She moved her hand in a little deeper and Tish brought her legs up and spread them wider. “Oh god, deeper!” Lynda pushed her hand in a little more. The she moved her left hand up to Tish‟s throat. She pushed down. “What are you doing?” “It‟ll help the orgasm if you restrict the airway a little.” Tish nodded, and closed her eyes. Lynda pressed even harder. 179
  • 180. “I‟m so close…deeper…god…I‟m…” As Tish‟s body exploded, her ejaculate gushed over Lynda‟s right hand. With one savage move with her left hand, she crushed Tish‟s windpipe. Her body went completely limp. Lynda stood up and let the hot water rinse Tish off of her. Looking at the dead woman‟s face, she thought out loud, “This is not going to be easy with a pair of small sewing scissors.” But just before dawn, Lynda had made sure that no one would be able to recognize Tish‟s face or hands. Both had been shredded beyond recognition. Lynda then put her jumpsuit on Tish and then she put on the dead woman‟s. Now, it was just a matter of getting out of this place. At this time of the morning, it wasn‟t going to be as hard as it should have. All she had to do was head for the fields out back and keep walking. Find some other clothes and keep walking straight back to Edan. 180
  • 181. L ynda‟s Lie Walking alone in the cold night air, I came to a realization. I wasn‟t a scared little girl anymore and I have to stop lying to myself. I haven‟t been a complete victim my entire life. I started out one when I stepped into Edan‟s car but I had the perfect chance to end it all and didn‟t. Seeing all those so-called normal people opened my eyes. I‟m not one of them and maybe I can‟t ever change that fact. I am more like Edan than I want to admit. I didn‟t mention that I enjoyed killing that kid, did I? Maybe he wasn‟t trying to touch me after all. Maybe I just made that part up to justify my murdering him. I don‟t even remember now. As for falling in love, well that now sounds a bit too much like Hollywood bullshit, doesn‟t it? I know that somehow I am attached to Edan in a way I can‟t explain. I know in my gut that I want and need him. If he fulfills his promise to me, then I will give in to this feeling and for the first time, give my self, my true self, to a man. I will give in to Edan Grahame. 181
  • 182. C hapter 25 REWIND Once inside, they discovered that the bottom floors of the apartment building were deserted. Blake tested the interior tenant doors until he found one open. Dusty, Edan and Lynda made sure all the exterior doors were locked. When Blake joined the other three he was carrying four large knives and four trash bags. He handed each person one of both. No one spoke a word inside the lift as they headed toward the top floor. As soon as they stepped out, the sounds of an angry tenant meeting filled the air. There was only one way in or out of the conference room. Edan looked at the others closely. He pointed his knife in their direction. “Do exactly as I say or end up like one of them. Got it?” He didn‟t wait for a response; he just flung open the door. Sitting at a long wooden table were the tenants, eighteen of them. The man at the end of it, obviously the one in charge, stood up quickly and started to protest. “I don‟t know who you people are but…” 182
  • 183. Before he had a chance to finish, Blake was behind him with a knife to the man‟s throat. “Sit back down.” He meekly did as he was told. Edan locked the door. “Now boys and girls, here‟s what you are going to do first; see this lovely young lady. “he pointed towards Lynda, “She is going to hold open a bag for you to put all of your cell phones in. And don‟t try to be cute and try to hide a Blackberry in your shirt, down your pants or up your ass, because,” Edan walked over to a woman holding an infant, “this little bugger suffers if you do.” He took the baby from its mother. She tried to grab him back. Edan held up the knife and quietly said, “Don‟t.” Tears silently flowed down the mother‟s face. Lynda soon had several cell phones and PDA‟s in her bag. Edan took it and tossed into the hallway and relocked the door. He handed the baby to Lynda. “Sit at the back, love.” He kissed her tenderly. She headed to the back of the room. Lynda sat in a chair with the baby facing forward on her lap. “Listen up!” Edan yelled. “Anyone feel like a hero?” He walked around the table pointing the knife at the terrified people. 183
  • 184. “Because, boys and girls, if anyone does feel like being a hero, my girl down there well do anything I tell her to do. And that baby‟s neck…she‟ll snap it in two.” The mother started crying hysterically. Dusty walked over to her and held the knife up under her chin. “I‟d stop that if I were you, sweetheart. He gets headaches real easy like and then he‟s a right bastard to deal with.” “Time to start the show.” Edan said, unbuckling his belt. He stripped all of his clothes off and put them in the trash bag. “Oh, for god‟s sake…” One of the men said angrily. Edan walked up behind him and stood so close that his penis was up against the man‟s head. He grabbed his victim by the hair and forced his face into his crotch. “What…you afraid to look at another man‟s favorite toy? Or maybe….” Edan pushed the man‟s head harder against his penis. “Deep down what you‟d really love is for me to bend you over the table, huh mate? Then you‟d get to know it from the inside…or would you rather choke on it…have a wet snack …so to speak.” He laughed crudely and without warning, slit the man‟s throat. The screams stopped as quickly as they had begun when Edan yelled over them. 184
  • 185. “Who‟ll be next then?! The babe?!” “Blake, strip down first then Dusty, you do the same.” When the three men were naked, they began circling the tables. Each tenant that Edan passed he tapped on the head with the blade of his knife, and as he walked he sang an insane version of a childhood rhyme. “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, out goes one, out goes two, out goes another one and that is you!” As soon as he said the word „you‟ all three men slit the throats of whomever they were standing behind. Whimpers, low moans, and hyperventilating were the only sounds from Edan‟s captive audience. A few people had fainted out of fear. Once again the psychotic merry-go-round started up and once again three more people were dead. Lynda silently watched from the back of the room. The baby had fallen asleep. She could feel it‟s breathing on her stomach. “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, out goes one, out goes two, out goes another one and that is you!” Round and round they went and over and over the captives died. The room looked as if it had been washed in blood. When the last person was dead, Edan tossed his knife to the floor. “Blake, Dusty…carve them up real nice. It‟s a good time to practice what I‟ve taught you.” 185
  • 186. The two men went to work. Edan sat on the floor beside Lynda‟s chair. “Don‟t worry love. I haven‟t forgotten. I‟m just letting them do some of my work for me.” Lynda asked quietly, “What happens next?” “Well, first those two are going to get theirs and that takes care of my promise to you. Then, you will fulfill your promise to me.” Lynda smiled and nodded. “Then I‟ll let you in on a little secret.” Edan stood up and surveyed the insanity and carnage around him. Blake and Dusty had practiced with the zeal of an evangelical preacher trying to convert the heathen. Body parts were scattered everywhere. Dusty had dragged a couple of bodies into the hall to have more room to work. Edan walked over to Blake who was busy disemboweling a young man. “Dusty needs to go.” He said firmly. Blake stopped for a second then nodded. “Dusty come here.” Edan said loudly. Once there, Blake grabbed him by the shoulders. “What the fuck is going on?” Dusty said confused. 186
  • 187. “Shut up.” Edan said holding his knife straight against Dusty‟s forehead. “Blake, did you ever say that you wanted to fuck Lynda?” Blake laughed, “I have a dick don‟t I?” Savagely, Edan stabbed Blake in one eye then the other. The big man fell to the floor. Dusty, now free, backed up against a window, breathing hard, and heavy. Edan kept stabbing Blake in the face until the blade broke off in his hand. He threw the ruined knife down and violently pushed what was left of the bodies off of one end of the table. Then he faced Dusty. “Edan, man, look. I never said anything like that about Lynda.” He was shivering with fear. Edan grabbed him by the hair and slammed Dusty‟s head onto the gory table. “No you did something worse than just want to fuck my Lynda…you actually touched her, didn‟t you?” “No, man I didn‟t!” Edan pushed his penis, now fully erect up against Dusty‟s asshole. “In the car, you touched her didn‟t you?” he hissed into Dusty‟s ear. 187
  • 188. “No…”And then he screamed in pain as Edan plunged his organ deep into the other man‟s ass. Then he picked up a knife that lay on the table. “And for touching my little Lynda you are going to die being fucked like the dog you are!” Lynda for the first time turned and looked out the window into the night. She put the baby onto her chest. He smelt like milk and baby powder. Done, Edan walked back over to her and pulled her up out of the chair. “Let‟s find a shower so I can clean up. And then it‟s your turn.” They walked a floor down and entered one of the apartments. Edan headed straight for the bath. Lynda found some blankets and laid the baby gently down on the carpeted floor. She patted his back until he fell asleep again. Lynda looked around and saw something she now felt was almost out of reach for her…Normalcy. All she had to do was leave and find help. Edan was still in the shower and no one could stop her from running anymore. Lynda saw a choice of two roads before her. She could go for the police…and remain a victim for the rest of her life, but live at least like normal people do or she could give in to the fire burning inside of her and let it burn any sense of humanity she had left away. 188
  • 189. Lynda heard Edan turn off the water. Now or never. For once in her life, she controlled her own destiny. Lynda closed her eyes and stayed motionless beside the baby. She‟d made her decision. “You are still here.” Edan said quietly behind her. Lynda stood up and faced him. She slowly stripped off her clothes and walked over to him. She placed her hands on his bare chest, still damp from the shower. She looked up at him. “I‟ve done some things I‟m not proud of. I did them because I needed something or because I wanted to hurt someone. But I have never fully given myself to anyone. No one has ever been allowed to come inside of me. It‟s like I‟ve been waiting…for you.” Edan kissed her deeply. She kissed him back hungrily. Lynda lay down on the carpet and he covered her body with his. Tenderly they explored each other, savoring the taste, touch, and smell that come with the act of making love. Lynda was open and ready when Edan gently penetrated her. The shock and pain quickly gave way to a feeling of being one with her fate. With each stroke of his penis, Lynda let the past drop away from her. Gone was her dead mother…gone was the murdered Jill…the shame was gone…and when they 189
  • 190. climaxed all that was left…was the unbreakable bond between them. “So, tell me Edan it‟s all done. What do I need to know?” He turned onto his back and put his hands under his head. “No, love, I don‟t believe you are ready to know everything just yet. Besides, we don‟t have much time.” He paused. “After our first adventure together, you were six, I was twelve, and it was me the police took away. I did a few months in a U.S boy‟s reformatory…jail for budding young killers like me.” He laughed. “Anyway, my mother‟s brother rescued me and raised me to be the spoiled brat you know and love.” Lynda laughed a little and said, “So now it‟s my turn?” “Let me finish. When my dear old uncle passed on…with no help from me I might add, I wrote your foster mother, the good Mrs. Carmichael. I told her it was time for my sister to claim her inheritance. And here you are. That heart attack was a god send wasn‟t it?” Lynda sat up and crossed her arms and legs. “Wait a second. Did you say sister? Is that this „bond‟ you keep going on and on about? You mean, I just fucked my brother?!” Edan laughed until tears streamed down his face. Lynda slapped his chest. He grabbed her arm. 190
  • 191. “Lynda, you are my half-sister that‟s all. We share a father that, thank the gods, you never had to grow up with. We weren‟t raised together you and I and honestly do you want to bothered with babies?” She lay across his chest. “Well, I guess it‟s not as bad as it sounds. And no I don‟t want to be saddled with babies. You could have told me sooner. Although I have to admit something to you. I couldn‟t walk away from you, not now, especially not after tonight.” “When I first saw you as a small girl, cold, naked and scared, I knew inside of me that no matter what, I had to save you. I‟ve loved you since that moment. I would and will do anything for you. I went to jail so you could go to a foster home and maybe have a somewhat decent life. I just knew that somehow I had to set you free.” “So, like I said, it‟s my turn to take the heat for you.” “Yes, but it won‟t be for long. You need just enough time to get your memories back. If you do everything I say when they take you, we‟ll be back together in a month, tops.” Lynda listened without any questions. Edan outlined for her what she should do after they arrested her. Then the baby started to whimper. “This last witness is yours to deal with.” She nodded. 191
  • 192. “Edan, you need to go. It‟s almost dawn.” “I know love. I hate leaving you again. But it‟s the last time. That much I can promise you. And the next time we meet…there will be no more secrets between us.” They both dressed in a comfortable silence usually only found in couples that share deep love and intimacy. Edan kissed her one last time and walked out the door. Lynda blinked back her tears, picked up the baby, and gently soothed it. Calmly she walked through the blood and gore into the conference room. She looked down at what was left of Blake and kicked him. Lynda sat the baby on table, held him close with one hand and with the other, she scooped up some of Dusty‟s blood and rubbed it onto her clothes and hair. “And you…you mother fucking freak, this will be the closest you‟ll ever get to me.” Lynda picked up the baby again and walked over to one of the windows. She opened it and crawled out onto the ledge, holding the baby safe against her chest. Carefully she shut the window behind her and sat down. The icy air instantly cooled her hot skin. Lynda hugged the baby to her chest. She tightened her grip. She heard a small snapping sound…and then…she waited. 192
  • 193. E dan‟s Truth And that dear Reader is that. Lynda chose to stay with me…Edan Grahame…brother and lover and the killer of many souls that once thought they walked free on this earth. Now, there will be no stopping the blood that we will spill on the back streets of this world once we are together again. Together, just like my semen mixing with the blood of Lynda‟s popped cherry. Semen and blood are both necessary for life to begin, and the mixing of ours signaled the beginning for us. US, not two individuals, Edan and Lynda, but US. So, if you dear Reader ever meet us hunting in the night, I assure you, that you won‟t be left alive to tell about it. 193
  • 194. C hapter 26 Through the Scottish countryside a dark Lexus drove into the night with a purpose. It drove the owner towards his destiny waiting for him in a small town. His fate was waiting for him on a bench on a deserted street. His heart beat in anticipation when he saw her sitting, waiting for him to take full possession of her. Lynda stood up when the car stopped in front of her. She opened the door. Edan was smiling at her. “So, love, I have a question.” Lynda sat in the car and shut the door. She turned towards him. “And what is that?” “How did she taste?” Edan smiled mischievously. Lynda smiled back, “Not as good as you…brother dear.” Edan laughed and said, “So, where shall we go now? The entire world is our playground.” “I just want to be anywhere you are.” The Lexus sped off and the music echoed into the night. 194
  • 195. E pilogue Lynda‟s Truth Yes, I‟ll love Edan Grahame to death and beyond. I‟ll love him in the dark of night, I‟ll love him and his dark deeds and I‟ll especially love being the object of his dark desires. However, in true male style, he‟s talked on and on about the precious penis, semen, cunts, women in general…but also in true male style, he‟s forgotten (or chose to ignore) that without me, the female, he has nothing to conquer or possess. So in reality, who controls who? I chose to demand that he kill his friends…I chose to watch him slaughter a roomful of people…I chose to watch while he stabbed Blake to death…I also chose to look away while he sodomized Dusty…I chose to spread my legs for him and finally…I chose to kill that baby. What is Lynda‟s lie? It‟s the idea that because I possess a vagina and breasts I couldn‟t possible decide to kill someone all by my fragile feminine self. The lie is that women have to be deceived, seduced, or forced to commit murder. No dear Reader, the truth is…we can, we always have, and we always 195
  • 196. will continue to kill to get our own way or because we just flat out enjoy it. You and society can keep lying to yourself. I am finally free of that delusion. And I‟ll be out there with Edan, and if I choose to…I‟ll kill again and again. That is Lynda‟s truth….my truth. 196