How delightful are the pleasures of the imagination! In
those delectable moments, the whole world is ours;
not a single creature resists us, we devastate the world,
we repopulate it with new objects which, in turn, we
immolate. The means to every crime is ours, and we
employ them all, we multiply the horror a hundredfold.
Marquis De Sade
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Hello dear Reader, let me introduce
myself. I am a highly intelligent, Caucasian
male in his early twenties…I have above average looks, I know
I‟m attractive to women…and I can leave you in a pool of blood
and a universe of pain before you could utter a sound. That‟s
right…I‟m a killer.
Oh, I don‟t kill just anyone…I always have my reasons.
Those reasons just might not agree with you, and your fucked
up ideas of morality. But more on this subject later.
Right now dear Reader, you are my willing accomplice in
this twisted, sick, and gloriously fucking awesome story. The
story of my life.
I intend to make you watch…make you unable to look
away from the blood and semen spattered canvas of my life. I
intend to take you by the hand and force you to smell, taste,
and touch the dark beauty of my life‟s work. Come into my
world. The world of Edan Grahame.
Summer of 1990
The slender framed boy stood and watched the beetle
crawl across the rotted body of a dead cat. The wind gently
ruffled his short black hair. He picked up a stick and poked at it.
More beetles swarmed out of its body cavity.
The English summer sun gently shined down on him
causing a small bead of sweat to appear on his lip. Edan sat
down beside the dead animal. Fascinated, he pushed one of its
eyelids up and tried to pop out the cat‟s glazed over eye.
“Edan this is boring.”
“Shut up Kyle. I‟m practicing.”
Kyle, a heavy set boy with sandy colored hair stood
“For what? To be a doctor something?”
“No you tit. I‟m an evil murderer looking for his next
Edan stood up and turned around so quickly that Kyle fell
on his bottom.
“Edan stop it!”
“Or what? You‟ll tell on me?”
“Maybe.” Kyle stood up and rubbed his backside.
“And who would that be? Your mum and dad are always
too pissed to care if you live or die.”
Kyle‟s chubby face crumpled into tears.
“Stop crying like some girl or I really will hurt you.”
Kyle wiped his tears away quickly.
“Is that better?” Kyle asked sheepishly.
“Yeah I guess. Now all because of you I‟m bored. Let‟s
go to our special spot.”
Kyle nodded miserably. He hated the woods behind
Edan‟s house. Both boys, each five years old, lived in different
Kyle came from a poor working class family that had
lived for generations in poverty on London‟s east side. Each day
since school had let up, he fought his way to the affluent west
side where Edan lived.
They met when Kyle‟s mother had applied to be a maid
for the Grahame‟s, Edan‟s parents. She was let go after only
two weeks because one morning they found her passed out
drunk in the kitchen. By then, Kyle was entranced by Edan and
his peculiarities like practicing on dead animals.
In Kyle‟s opinion though, that was much better than the
special spot and what Edan liked to do to him there. Right now,
walking behind his friend, Kyle was wishing he‟d kept his mouth
“Kyle, you go and wait for me. I need to check in with
mum before she starts looking for me.”
While Kyle went around to the back of the Grahame‟s
stately home, Edan playfully whistled and walked up the red
brick stairway entering his home. He walked through rooms full
of plush furniture and expensive antiques until he found his
mother lying on her bed with a bath cloth over her eyes.
“Edan where were you off to so early? I worry so much
about you. I think I worried myself into another sick headache.”
“I‟m sorry mummy.” Edan gently patted her hand.
Olivia Grahame was the true definition of an upper-class
Englishwoman. She made sure that on the outside, the woman
that London society saw was proper and above all, discrete. But
on the inside she was eaten up with the mental pain inflicted
upon her by her husband, Trevor. Edan worshipped her and
hated his father.
“Your father wants you cleaned up because you will be
going with him to one of his meetings tonight.”
Edan clenched his fists.
Can I go outside and play with Kyle out back until then?”
“Yes, but no later than half-past six. Please, do as
“That‟s my good boy.”
Edan walked to the kitchen. His small face was hard and
angry. He opened the drawer where cook kept her utensils and
took out a small paring knife. He put it into the pocket of his
pants. He smiled and whistled while heading out back towards
the special spot where Kyle waited. Edan waved at the
gardener who was busy pruning his mother‟s prized rose
Kyle waited nervously for his friend. Maybe he wouldn‟t
have to do anything today. Usually, Edan liked Kyle to get
naked so he could poke around and practice on him. The last
time Edan put a stick up his bum and he was still sore. Edan
had laughed until he cried at the sight of his fat friend crawling
on all fours like a dog, with a stick poking out of his backside.
Sometimes Edan would put his penis into Kyle‟s mouth
just to see how long it would take to make him gag. Kyle heard
the whistling coming his way and his stomach tightened up
“Kyle! Am I your best mate or what?”
“What?” Kyle said confused.
Edan punched him in the chest.
“I said you stupid fat pig, am I your best mate?”
Scared of what might be coming Kyle hastily agreed.
“Yes, of course you are Edan.”
“Good. Strip it all off then.”
Kyle, resigned to his fate, took off his clothes.
“It‟s not the stick again, is it? I just barely stopped
“Stop whining. I swear to God you must be a girl. And no
it‟s not the stick. Today I have something even more interesting
Kyle sat on the ground, and shivered more from fear
than from the shadows of the trees that blocked out the sun.
Edan took the small knife out of his pocket. Quickly, he made a
small cut on Kyle‟s arm. He cried out in pain.
“Shut it. I need to see how long it takes a person to stop
bleeding and you have enough fat to cut on all day without
Edan cut a larger gash in the top of Kyle‟s leg. He started
to cry but he didn‟t try to stop Edan. He was too afraid to say
no. Soon, he was covered with bloody slashes all over his body.
He grew faint from the loss of blood and lay down on the damp
The sun was starting to set. Edan had to hurry. He bent
down and put the knife under Kyle‟s tiny penis and testicles.
Kyle tried to move, but he was too weak.
“Ever since we met you‟ve been crying like some stupid
girl. Now, you‟re going to look like one, too.”
Kyle blacked out as soon as Edan started to saw through
his genitals. When he finally had them cut off, he stuffed the
mess into Kyle‟s mouth and left. Whistling, he walked casually
back to the house, tossed the knife into the kitchen dishwasher
and rushed upstairs to clean up.
While getting dressed in clean clothes, he could hear his
father yelling at his mother.
Trevor Grahame was a brutal man that enjoyed seeing his
frail wife cower in fear whenever he decided to come home.
“Olivia! Get your ass out of bed, now!” he yelled.
She jumped up and clutching her robe around her thin frame
nervously, hurried into the dining room. Trevor pointed at the
“What‟s not there?!”
Olivia stood there while tears flowed silently down her face.
“Do you see food there? Do you see a bloody drink waiting
for me?!” he thundered at her.
She shook her head. Olivia had been an unwilling player in
this scene or variations like it for years. Trevor opened a whisky
bottle and poured a generous glass for himself.
“Olivia, there are three things a man expects when he gets
married. Food, drink, and sex. All three of which you have failed at
He downed the drink and poured another.
“Is my son ready? Or did you fuck that up, too?”
Olivia walked into the living room and called up the stairs.
“Edan, sweetheart, are you ready like mummy asked?”
Edan slowly walked down the stairs and stopped to hug his
“Edan get away from that stupid bitch! You‟ll never grow
into a real man unless you get out from behind your mum‟s skirt.”
Edan looked small and helpless to Olivia when he left with
his father. As soon as it was safe, she took a Valium, and went
back to bed. Olivia‟s only safe haven was sleep.
Trevor‟s business meetings were not with his associates at
the bank he directed. His meetings were with some unfortunate
prostitute he‟d bought for the night. Edan had been watching the
sadomasochistic games his father was addicted to since he was
At first he was terrified but then gradually his terror turned
into disdain for the women on the painful end of his father‟s whip.
Even at his young age he wondered why these kind of women
would willingly allow his father to use them like that.
To Edan, they must somehow deserve it. Maybe God was
punishing them for not behaving like they should. His mother would
never lower herself to this level he reasoned. On this night
however, he watched quietly lost in thought.
He thought about Kyle lying dead in their special spot. Edan
wondered when the bugs would start to eat him.
The next morning Edan rushed out and checked Kyle‟s body.
He had turned blue and was getting stiff. Black ants were crawling
in and out of his mouth. Edan heard voices coming his way and ran
back home to hide.
It was an elderly couple out for a walk through the woods
than morning that discovered Kyle‟s body. An intense manhunt hit
the poorer sections of London like a bomb.
A monster was loose and had tortured one of their own to
Winter of 1995
Edan, now ten years old, rarely let a day go by without
dwelling on what he did to his friend Kyle. He was the monster
the police were still looking for, the monster that the reporters
on the telly were still talking about and he was the monster his
mother had cried for days about.
Edan was guilt ridden about upsetting his mother. He still
couldn‟t go anywhere alone. The monster might get him too.
He walked slightly ahead of his nanny on the way home
from school. He dragged his school bag on the ground. It left
tracks in the dirty snow. His ears and nose were bright red from
the bitter February cold. Edan walked through the gate and ran
up the steps.
“Mum! Can I have a chocolate? Please I‟m frozen.” He
called out running into the house.
He tossed his book bag, coat, boots and scarf into a
corner by the door. The house was unusually quiet.
“Mum?” Edan said again.
He walked into his parent‟s bedroom. She wasn‟t in her
usual spot. No one was in the kitchen either, which meant no
hot chocolate for a very cold Edan.
“Shit!” He swore out loud.
“Watch your language young man.” Cook said, coming
out of the pantry.
“Or what, old woman? My father, your boss, let‟s me talk
as I please. Now do your job and get me a chocolate.” He sat
down at the table.
The Grahame‟s cook was a robust older woman with a no
nonsense attitude. She sighed loudly but did as the young boy
“Where‟s my mum?”
“Now that‟s a question, isn‟t it?”
“What you mean?” Edan asked.
“Here, drink your chocolate and mind your business,
that‟s what I mean.”
She set the mug in front of him and busied herself in the
Edan sipped the hot, sugary sweet brown liquid slowly.
Gradually, its warmth spread from his stomach to his fingers
and toes. Just as he was finishing, he heard a sound coming
Edan put the mug down and listened closely. He heard
the soft thump again. It sounded like someone was in one of
the upstairs guest bedrooms. It was the maids day off and his
nanny lived in a guest cottage, so he couldn‟t imagine who it
His natural ten year old curiosity took over and he quietly
walked into the living room. He stopped by the staircase
banister and listened again. Nothing. Maybe he‟d imagined it.
Then he heard a soft feminine giggle. It had to be the maid or
the nanny up to no good.
Determined to catch one of them, Edan crept quietly up
the stairs. He stopped on the landing. Now he could hear a
man‟s voice coming from a room at the end of the hall to his
right. He walked up to the door and put his ear against it.
Olivia Grahame would have never dreamed her son
would be listening to her and her lover through the door. Three
months earlier, right before the holidays, Trevor had hired a
young man to help with some projects around the estate.
Christopher was in his late twenties and a struggling
artist. In spite of her upbringing and disaster of a marriage,
Olivia was quick to notice his long, lean body and rugged good
looks. At first, she would secretly watch him work from her
bedroom window. Then she started taking better care of her
hair and dress just in case they should meet one day.
Then it happened. On Boxing Day, Christopher and the
other staff had gathered in the dining room, as per Grahame
family custom, to be served by the lady of the house, Olivia.
That day, after afternoon tea, they talked, hesitantly at first, but
gradually the conversation grew stronger. And so did the
Olivia allowed herself to be swept away by Christopher‟s
raw, sexual magnetism. For the first and only time in her life, a
man‟s touch made her feel alive and beautiful rather than
degraded and used. However, she knew the secret trysts
between them could never last.
Theirs was a doomed love, one destined to end in
disaster. This, while she at the moment was savoring the taste
of Christopher‟s body, was waiting for her in the shape of her
ten year old son. Edan had snuck in and sat on the floor
watching his mum doing things he thought only his father‟s bad
While sitting there on the cold, hard floor, shock quickly
turned into rage. And the force behind that rage broke his
young heart in two. After the break, silence filled his being. The
pain was replaced with the rationalization that he was not the
monster after all. It was his mother. She‟d deceived him for
years and worst of all, she‟d proven his father was right.
He left the room and quietly shut the door behind him.
He also shut the door on what was left of his childhood. Edan
went straight to his mother‟s room, sat on her bed and waited.
Then he made a decision, went to the kitchen and came back.
Standing by the window, his hand played with something
in his pocket. Olivia came in soon after, humming an old
favorite love song. When she saw Edan, she nearly jumped out
of her skin.
“Edan, sweetie, I didn‟t realize you were home yet.”
“Obviously.” He said dryly.
The front door slammed shut.
“Must be the wind, don‟t you think, mother?”
Olivia sat on the edge of her bed.
“Come here to mummy, Edan. Tell her what‟s wrong.”
Edan slowly walked over to his mother. His right hand
was still in his pants pocket. Olivia patted the bed beside her.
“Sit beside me, dear.”
“I don‟t think so mother. You don‟t smell so good right
Olivia pulled her bath robe around her tighter.
“Edan stop that! You sound like your father and I don‟t
Edan crawled up on the bed until he was right behind his
mother. Standing up on his knees, he put his hands on her
shoulders. He bent down close to her neck.
“Would my father like the way you smell right now?”
“Edan I said stop it!” She slapped at one of his hands.
“Don‟t touch me with those dirty hands. I saw you
mother. I saw you!” Edan‟s young voice quivered with rage. His
fingers dug into her shoulders.
Olivia started to cry.
“Edan you are too young to understand some things.”
She turned on the bed and faced him. “Christopher and I love
each other darling. That‟s what you saw. We were making
love.” Olivia reached out to touch his face. He pulled back.
“No, what I saw was you with some bloke‟s dick in your
She slapped him hard across the face.
“You have no idea what you are talking about!” Olivia
She moved up on the bed and lay down on a pillow. She
curled up in the fetal position.
Edan wiped the blood away from his busted lip.
“You know what I do understand, mother. I understand
that for years I‟ve been watching women do to my father what
you did to your so-called beloved Christopher.” Edan said
Olivia cried harder.
“And you…I thought you weren‟t like that…but no you‟ve
just proved to me that women are all alike. I don‟t love you,
mother…I hate you.”
Olivia cried out louder.
Edan took the knife out of his pocket. He moved up
behind his mother. Gently he moved her hair away from her
neck. Olivia grabbed his left hand and kissed it. Tears ran down
Edan‟s face as he plunged the knife into his mother‟s exposed
neck. He stabbed her until he was covered in her blood.
Calmly he went upstairs and showered. He tossed the
clothes into the furnace. Later that night, watching from his
bedroom window, he whistled as he watched Christopher being
handcuffed and taken away. On the news the next morning, he
learned Christopher was charged with the rape and murder of
Summer of 1997
“Inside the Harris County courthouse, the young
offender, who is we have learned a citizen of the UK, is hearing
what his fate will be for the double homicide he was involved in
earlier this month.” The pretty Hispanic reporter said to the
millions of Houstonians that were following the news with
Outside the courthouse, reporters and onlookers could be
seen for miles. In stark contrast, the courtroom where Edan
Grahame sat waiting was dead quiet. The judge sighed loudly.
“The best I can do with this mess is to remand this
young man over to the custody of the CRTC. When they find
some of his family, then he‟ll be deported back to Britain.” He
slammed the gavel down. It was over.
The Corsicana Residential Treatment Center was officially
under the jurisdiction of the Texas Youth Commission as a place
to rehabilitate violent adolescents and children. Unofficially it
was considered to be a daycare center for future prisoners in
the adult correctional system.
Edan was escorted out of a back entrance to a bus
waiting to transport him to his new temporary home. He was
drenched in sweat immediately. His white jumpsuit stuck to his
skin. Edan felt the letters TYC on the back of it burning into him
as if they had been branded on him permanently.
He felt like throwing up from the heat. When the bus
stopped in Corsicana, four hours later, Edan was barely
conscious and suffered from heat exhaustion. When he woke
up, he had been strapped to a cot with an IV sticking out of the
top of his hand.
Every muscle in his body ached and his lips were cracked
and bleeding. Edan‟s eyes were almost swollen shut. He tried to
speak but the pain in this throat was too excruciating. He shut
his eyes again and drifted back to sleep.
When Edan woke up again, a male guard was standing
“You feeling any better?” The tall black guard asked
Edan didn‟t say anything. His throat was still sore.
“I asked you a question son, now answer!”
“Fuck you.” Edan barely croaked out.
“Listen boy!” The guard yelled. “You are a Texas inmate
now son and not some little lord of the castle, got it!? Here you
will do as you are told!”
Edan closed his eyes again and once more fell into a
deep sleep. The next time he opened his eyes, he felt almost
normal. He sat up and looked around. His IV had been taken
out and he‟d been moved to a regular cell. It was a room about
six feet deep and eight feet wide.
He was sitting on the bottom cot of a steel framed bunk
bed and he was still in the same white jumpsuit. He heard the
top bunk squeak.
“Hey, you up there.” Edan said loudly.
A black boy, about the same age as Edan, jumped off the
end of the bunk. He walked over to the open doorway, crossed
his arms and looked at Edan.
“Listen, dude. I have nothing against you, but what‟s
fixing to happen I can‟t stop. Just get it over with so they‟ll
leave you alone.”
Edan stood up as three heavily muscled, older Mexican
boys entered his cell.
“Beat it George.” One of them told Edan‟s roommate. He
left without looking back.
One blocked the front of the doorway and the other two
stood in front of Edan looking down on him. The three Mexicans
were members of a well known gang, the Cholo‟s, who
controlled the CTRC. To make sure new inmates knew who was
really in charge, the gang initiated each one by „cutting‟ them
“What? You blokes like looking at my pretty face?” Edan
Instead of talking back they held Edan and cut him until
he cried. It was another two weeks before he was out of the
infirmary again and back in the same cell.
It wasn‟t the pain but the tears that Edan couldn‟t forget.
He had cried just like Kyle and just like his mum. Edan now
knew what it meant to be on the other end of the knife. And he
could never let that happen again.
So, with time on his hands he explored the dark world
where he would control the knife and it would be the victims
that would cry. The world of the serial sex murderer. He took a
Christian Bible he‟d been given during his stay in the infirmary
and pasted his research over its pages therefore making his
ing James Version
The Book of Genesis
Jack the Ripper
1 August 1888 – body of Mary Anne
Nichols found – her throat slashed, her belly
slit open and her vagina mutilated by stab
wounds – marked the beginning of serial sex
murders in criminal history.
2 And the earth was without form, and void;
and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the
Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
3 Next kill – Anne Chapman found neck
muscles severed, spinal column almost cut in
two and she was disemboweled. Killer sent
letters to police signing the name “Jack the
4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and
God divided the light from the darkness.
5 Next Kill – Elizabeth Stride – throat slit
but was interrupted so no mutilation could
occur. Immediately afterwards Catherine
Eddows was found – throat slit, face
disfigured, cut open from rectum to sternum,
and her left kidney was taken.
6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the
midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from
7 Last kill – Mary Kelly, three months
pregnant, killed and butchered – breasts and
nose cut off -disemboweled and the flesh was
sliced off of her legs.
8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And
the evening and the morning were the second day.
9 Then the Ripper disappears from history.
HE IS NEVER CAUGHT!
1 And God called the dry land Earth; and the
0 gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and
God saw that it was good.
1 Observations: Chose only weak women –
1 poor old prostitutes – not very clever – liked to
brag – probably wasn‟t caught because he was
dead or in jail – But…my tastes did begin in
my country by one of my own!
ing James Version
The Book of Ruth
1 His crimes though never really publicly
known inspired movies like Psycho and Texas
Chainsaw Massacre – he had a deep need to
look like a woman.
2 And the name of the man was Elimelech, and
the name of his wife Naomi, and the name of his two
sons Mahlon and Chilion, Ephrathites of
Bethlehemjudah. And they came into the country of
Moab, and continued there.
3 Started by robbing graves at night –
took „decorations‟ for his house – skulls on the
bedposts – skullcaps used as eating bowls – a
belt he wore was made of nipples!
4 And they took them wives of the women of
Moab; the name of the one was Orpah, and the
name of the other Ruth: and they dwelled there
about ten years.
5 Danced by the moonlight in a vest made
of breasts and a vagina – also had a face and
scalp to put on over his own.
6 Then she arose with her daughters in law, that
she might return from the country of Moab: for she
had heard in the country of Moab how that the LORD
had visited his people in giving them bread.
7 Only responsible for two kills – Mary
Hogan and Bernice Owen – both shot in the
8 And Naomi said unto her two daughters in
law, Go, return each to her mother's house: the
LORD deal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the
dead, and with me.
9 Police found one of them strung up like
livestock, genitals carved out and gutted – also
found her heart cooking on the stove.
1 And they said unto her, Surely we will return
0 with thee unto thy people.
1 Gein confessed but was found insane
1 and therefore not responsible!
1 Turn again, my daughters, go your way; for I
2 am too old to have an husband. If I should say, I
have hope, if I should have an husband also to night,
and should also bear sons;
1 Observations: Wasn‟t the killing he liked,
3 it was the mutilation – preferred freshly killed
women for their female body parts – Stupid to
want to dress up in the skin of a girl!
ing James Version
The Book of Esther
1 History of sexual abuse and promiscuity
from an early age – high school dropout –
teenage hooker and drifter.
2 That in those days, when the king Ahasuerus
sat on the throne of his kingdom, which was in
Shushan the palace,
3 First kill – Richard Mallory – shot three
times in the chest – she claimed he tried to
4 When he shewed the riches of his glorious
kingdom and the honour of his excellent majesty
many days, even an hundred and fourscore days.
5 Second kill – David Spears found shot six
6 Where were white, green, and blue, hangings,
fastened with cords of fine linen and purple to silver
rings and pillars of marble: the beds were of gold
and silver, upon a pavement of red, and blue, and
white, and black, marble.
7 Third kill – Charles Carskaddon found
shot nine times.
8 And the drinking was according to the law;
none did compel: for so the king had appointed to all
the officers of his house, that they should do
according to every man's pleasure.
9 Fourth kill – Peter Siems, body was
1 On the seventh day, when the heart of the
0 king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman,
Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, and Abagtha, Zethar, and
Carcas, the seven chamberlains that served in the
presence of Ahasuerus the king,
Fifth kill – Eugene Burress – shot twice.
1 But the queen Vashti refused to come at the
2 king's commandment by his chamberlains: therefore
was the king very wroth, and his anger burned in
1 Sixth kill – Dick Humphreys found shot
3 seven times.
1 And the next unto him was Carshena, Shethar,
4 Admatha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, and Memucan,
the seven princes of Persia and Media, which saw the
king's face, and which sat the first in the kingdom;)
1 Seventh kill – Walther Antonio shot
5 three times .
1 And Memucan answered before the king and
6 the princes, Vashti the queen hath not done wrong
to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all
the people that are in all the provinces of the king
1 She was caught and confessed but
7 claimed they all tried to rape her and that it
was self defense! Meanwhile she stole
everything they had and sold it for money. She
was eventually executed.
1 Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media
8 say this day unto all the king's princes, which have
heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall there
arise too much contempt and wrath.
1 Observations: She killed because she
9 was angry at all that had happened to her –
she used the victims as a way of making
money – and she thought they deserved it –
but can a prostitute really be raped?
ing James Version
The Book of Isaiah
1 Was molested as a child – liked to
experiment with dead animals – recalls his
first murder in his late teens.
2 Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth: for
the LORD hath spoken, I have nourished and
brought up children, and they have rebelled against
3 First kill – Steven Hicks – skull crushed
with a barbell, strangled and then
4 Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity,
a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters: they
have forsaken the LORD, they have provoked the
Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away
5 Second, third and fourth kills – Seven
Tuomi, James Doxtator, and Richard Guerrero
– all were raped, killed and their bodies were
6 From the sole of the foot even unto the head
there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises,
and putrifying sores: they have not been closed,
neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment.
7 Fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth kills -
Anthony Sears, Edward Smith, Richard Smith,
Ernest Mieler – all raped and dismembered.
8 And the daughter of Zion is left as a cottage in
a vineyard, as a lodge in a garden of cucumbers, as
a besieged city.
9 Ninth, tenth, eleventh, and twelfth kills –
David Thomas, Curtis Straughter, Errol
Lindsey, Anthony Hughes – raped and killed
while trying to create the perfect sex zombie
by drilling holes in their heads and pouring
different acids into the skulls .
1 Hear the word of the LORD, ye rulers of
0 Sodom; give ear unto the law of our God, ye people
1 Thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth and
1 sixteenth kills - Matt Turner, Jeremiah
Weinbeger, Oliver Lacy, and Joseph Bradehoft
– raped and killed – some were cannibalized.
1 When ye come to appear before me, who hath
2 required this at your hand, to tread my courts?
1 His last victim escaped and Dahmer was
1 Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil
6 of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do
1 Observations: Too obsessed with sex!
7 But he did find the perfect victims in all those
cocksuckers…no one cared!
ing James Version
The Book of Ezekiel
1 No early history of any abuse or animal
torture. He was a man that women were
attracted to and trusted. He was also active
socially and politically.
2 In the fifth day of the month, which was the
fifth year of king Jehoiachin's captivity,
3 First kill – Linda Healy – her body was
never found – only a blood stained bed and her
blood soaked nightgown which was hung up in
4 And I looked, and, behold, a whirlwind came
out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding
itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the
midst thereof as the colour of amber, out of the
midst of the fire.
5 Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth kills –
Donna Manson, Susan Rancourt, Roberta
Parks, Brenda Bell, Georgeann Hawkins – all
raped and beaten to death.
6 And every one had four faces, and every one
had four wings.
7 Bundy‟s pattern had emerged – all
pretty, dark haired young women that closely
resembled each other.
8 And they had the hands of a man under their
wings on their four sides; and they four had their
faces and their wings.
9 He was caught after killing at least
twelve other women in a four state area – but
he escaped. He ended up in Florida where he
invaded a sorority house – raped four girls,
two were beat to death.
1 Thus were their faces: and their wings were
1 stretched upward; two wings of every one were
joined one to another, and two covered their bodies.
1 Last kill – Kimberly Leach – a twelve
2 year old girl raped and beaten to death.
1 As for the likeness of the living creatures, their
3 appearance was like burning coals of fire, and like
the appearance of lamps: it went up and down
among the living creatures; and the fire was bright,
and out of the fire went forth lightning.
1 Finally caught and sentenced to death –
4 in his last interview he confessed to at least
twenty eight murders – unofficial estimates
put the death count much higher – maybe
around two hundred fifty!
1 Now as I beheld the living creatures, behold
5 one wheel upon the earth by the living creatures,
with his four faces.
1 Observations: Almost the perfect killing
6 machine! Too set on type of victim though –
but it was brilliant to carry on his work in more
than four states!
ing James Version
The Book of Jonah
1 NEVER CAUGHT!
2 Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry
against it; for their wickedness is come up before
3 First kill – Cheri Jo Bates – stabbed in
the chest and back, throat slashed so deeply
she was nearly decapitated. A letter was sent
to the media stating “more will die”.
4 But the LORD sent out a great wind into the
sea, and there was a mighty tempest in the sea, so
that the ship was like to be broken.
5 Second kill – David Faraday shot four
times but lived, his girlfriend Betty Lou Jensen
shot nine times – she died. Zodiac then called
police to tell them where to find the bodies.
6 So the shipmaster came to him, and said unto
him, What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, call upon
thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we
7 Sent more letters to the media declaring
“I like killing people because it‟s so much fun.”
8 Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray
thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; What is
thine occupation? and whence comest thou? what is
thy country? and of what people art thou?
9 Third kill – Bryan Hartnell – stabbed five
times in the back – survived, his girlfriend
Cecilia Shepherd stabbed fourteen times – she
1 Then were the men exceedingly afraid, and
0 said unto him. Why hast thou done this? For the men
knew that he fled from the presence of the LORD,
because he had told them.
1 Fourth kill – Paul Stine – shot in the
1 And he said unto them, Take me up, and cast
2 me forth into the sea; so shall the sea be calm unto
you: for I know that for my sake this great tempest
is upon you.
And then the Zodiac disappears.
1 Wherefore they cried unto the LORD, and
4 said, We beseech thee, O LORD, we beseech thee,
let us not perish for this man's life, and lay not upon
us innocent blood: for thou, O LORD, hast done as it
1 Observations: No noticeable victim
5 pattern – male and female both – liked to brag
about his work – I can‟t see him/ or her
stopping the slaughter willingly – he was too
far ahead of the cops!
ing James Version
The Book of Matthew
Richard Ramirez “The Night Stalker”
1 Had early physical abuse, also had a
cousin that liked to show him photos of
women being raped and killed.
2 Saying, Where is he that is born King of the
Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are
come to worship him.
3 First kill – seventy nine year old woman
– beat to death – right afterwards he raped
two girls ages six and nine.
4 And when he had gathered all the chief priests
and scribes of the people together, he demanded of
them where Christ should be born.
5 Second kill – shot and killed thirty four
year old Tshian Yu – then he abducted another
child and molested her.
6 And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda, art
not the least among the princes of Juda: for out of
thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people
7 Third kill – Sixty four Vincent Zazzara
was beat to death and his wife Maxine was
stabbed to death – her eyes were carved out
8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go
and search diligently for the young child; and when
ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may
come and worship him also.
9 Fourth kill – sixty five year old William
Doi – shot to death
1 When they saw the star, they rejoiced with
0 exceeding great joy.
1 Fifth kill – eighty four year old Mabel Bell
1 – beaten to death – Ramirez drew pentagrams
on her body and walls.
1 And being warned of God in a dream that they
2 should not return to Herod, they departed into their
own country another way.
1 Sixth and seventh kills – Patty Higgins
3 twenty three years old, and Mary Cannon
seventy seven years old – both had their
1 When he arose, he took the young child and
4 his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:
1 Eighth kill – Sixty one year old Joyce
5 Nelson – beaten to death.
1 Then Herod, when he saw that he was
6 mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and
sent forth, and slew all the children that were in
Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two
years old and under, according to the time which he
had diligently enquired of the wise men.
1 Ninth kill – thirty two year old
7 Chaimarog Khoranath – beaten to death – and
then his wife was raped and his eight year old
son was also beaten.
1 In Rama was there a voice heard,
8 lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be
comforted, because they are not.
1 Tenth and Eleventh kill – sixty nine year
9 old Max Kneiding and his wife Lela were shot
2 Saying, Arise, and take the young child and
0 his mother, and go into the land of Israel: for they
are dead which sought the young child's life.
2 In total – he was charged on thirteen
1 counts of murder and thirty counts of sexual
assault. He was sentenced to death and is
waiting for an appeal.
2 But when he heard that Archelaus did reign in
2 Judaea in the room of his father Herod, he was afraid
to go thither: notwithstanding, being warned of God
in a dream, he turned aside into the parts of Galilee:
2 Observations: Mainly liked to target the
3 very young and the elderly - no challenge to
him – he‟s a coward!
ing James Version
Ken Bianchi and Angelo Buono “The Hillside Stranglers”
1 These were cousins that first got their
start in the white slave racket – then they
turned to rape, torture and murder.
2 (Which he had promised afore by his prophets
in the holy scriptures,)
3 From October 1977 until Jan 1979 these
two hunted, captured, raped and tortured
twelve women and girls – the youngest twelve
years old and oldest twenty seven.
4 And declared to be the Son of God with power,
according to the spirit of holiness, by the resurrection
from the dead:
5 Bianchi, the youngest of the two was
caught first, then Buono.
6 Among whom are ye also the called of Jesus
7 Observations: Both men had women only
pattern – were obsessed with inflicting as much
pain as possible – pretty stupid pair if you ask
ing James Version
The Book of James
John Wayne Gacy “The Killer Clown”
1 He was physically abused as a child and a
hypochondriac – in early twenties he was
convicted on sodomy charges.
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into
3 Gacy liked to pick up young boys, ex-
convicts and male prostitutes. He would
sexually torture them and then strangle his
victims to death. The time frame of the victims
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye
may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
5 In total – thirty three bodies were found
buried in the crawlspace under his house – he
was caught when the smell became too
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For
he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with
the wind and tossed.
7 He was sentenced to die and executed in
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his
9 Observation: Another sex obsessed idiot!
ing James Version
The Book of Revelation
1 My first two kills – Kyle = (Curiosity) -
2 Who bare record of the word of God, and of
the testimony of Jesus Christ, and of all things that
3 Future kills – try not to let my dick
choose my victims or get me caught.
4 John to the seven churches which are in Asia:
Grace be unto you, and peace, from him which is,
and which was, and which is to come; and from the
seven Spirits which are before his throne;
5 Victims can not be the same type – don‟t
leave a pattern for them to follow.
6 And hath made us kings and priests unto God
and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for
ever and ever. Amen.
7 Spread out the hunting ground – too
many in one spot is the way to get caught!
8 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the
ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and
which is to come, the Almighty.
9 Anger, passion, revenge – all wrong
motives for murder.
1 I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day, and
0 heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet,
1 Murder should be the fine art of bonding
1 the victim to his/her killer through the
seduction of pain and the finality of death. And
once the soul leaves the body…it belongs to
1 And I turned to see the voice that spake with
2 me. And being turned, I saw seven golden
1 Observations: I will be a shadow walking
3 through the streets of the world. I‟ll be as soft
as a whisper and as sharp as the blade. The
echoes of unheard screams will be what I
leave behind…and of course, an
unrecognizable corpse. I can‟t wait to prowl
through the night – this time I will be wielding
the knife – I will be the one to cut – not the
one to cry.
Summer of 1997
Cynthia Carmichael, CeeCee to her friends, sat nervously
in the waiting room of the social services section of Texas
Children‟s Hospital. As soon as she‟d seen that poor little girl on
TV being taken out of that house of horrors, CeeCee knew she
wanted to be that child‟s mother. The thirty-nine year old,
recently widowed, petite brunette wanted or needed someone
to take care of again.
In another part of Texas Children‟s, a six year old girl sat
on a hospital bed. She was dressed in a blue gown with tiny
images of Mickey and Minnie Mouse dancing all over it.
Lynda hugged her knees to her chest, her long brown
hair hung limply around her face while she rocked back and
forth. If she could just keep moving this way forever then
maybe the blood would disappear and she would be clean
A nurse had been assigned to watch her constantly. So
far, Lynda hadn‟t responded to anyone and could barely eat or
sleep. Every time the little girl closed her eyes, the memory of
her dead mother threatened to overwhelm her.
CeeCee approached the nurse sitting and watching Lynda
from behind the room‟s observation window.
“Can I help you ma‟am?” said the nurse without looking
up from her paperwork.
“I‟ve been given temporary custody of that sweet little
thing in there. The social worker gave me the papers this
morning.” CeeCee handed the court documents to her and
moved closer to the glass window.
“I‟ll call the Doctor and y‟all can talk about how to best
care for Lynda.” She smiled and picked up the phone.
But before the nurse could say anything, CeeCee walked
into Lynda‟s room and sat quietly in a chair beside the bed.
Lynda kept rocking. There was an uneaten lunch tray in front of
her. The nurse quickly told the Doctor what was happening and
hung up the phone.
“Mrs. Carmichael I must insist that you leave until Dr.
Paterson gets here.” She said walking into the room.
“No.” said CeeCee firmly. “I‟m not leaving my daughter.”
Lynda stopped rocking and looked at CeeCee.
“That‟s what we need to talk about, Mrs. Carmichael.
Now please, before Lynda gets upset.”
“I‟ll wait for the Doctor here…with my daughter.”
“Mrs. Carmichael…I must insist.”
While the two argued quietly but urgently, Lynda stared
at the woman who kept saying she was her mother. However,
instead of seeing CeeCee Carmichael, she saw the corpse of her
dead mother sitting there covered in blood. Then the corpse
stood up and reached out to touch her with a bloody hand.
Lynda screamed and tried to run. Her IV ripped out
spraying blood all over her Mickey and Minnie nightgown. The
nurse tried to grab her but Lynda bit her hand. CeeCee caught
the traumatized little girl from behind. Lynda thought the corpse
was trying to kill her.
She kicked and screamed at CeeCee. The nurse ran to
get a sedative. CeeCee held Lynda tight against her chest.
“Shh…Lynda…I‟m not here to hurt you baby.”
Lynda thought the corpse was talking to her.
“Mommy I‟m sorry! Please, I‟m sorry! Lynda screamed
over and over again.
The nurse plunged the hypodermic needle into Lynda‟s
buttock. The little girl slowly stopped moving and fell into a
deep sleep. Finally, her tiny exhausted body slept, and finally
the blood disappeared.
Lynda put it all behind a wall inside her mind. Unable to
process what had happened to her, she did the only thing a
child could do to protect herself. She chose to forget.
When she woke up again she was hungry and now when
she looked at CeeCee, she saw only a woman determined to
care for her.
Winter of 1999
Edan lay awake in the dark of his bedroom. His gut
churned inside with the ice-sharp pangs brought on by the need
for a sexual release. Like a typical fourteen year old boy, Edan‟s
erection wouldn‟t leave him alone.
But the visions inside his head were not the images a
typical fourteen year old boy should be dwelling on. They were
visions that ran red with blood and black with pain.
Edan closed his eyes and stroked his testicles.
Immediately, the images became clearer. The knife in his
dreams became one with the penis he was holding in reality.
The deeper the knife cut into his imaginary victim, the closer he
came to an orgasm. And when the blood flowed so did his
semen. He finally slept for a while.
It was the last night of the millennium. At midnight, it
would be the year 2000, or according to all the media hype,
After the deaths of his mother, then his father, Edan was
adopted by his mother‟s brother and taken out of the
correctional facility in Texas where he‟d been placed. That was
two years ago. Tonight would mark the true beginning of his
Edan looked at the clock, the dial glowed 10:30. Time to
clean up and get ready He was meeting a date by the riverside.
A date with a girl named Jennifer and it was also a date with
They‟d been seeing each other for the last few weeks.
Edan had walked her home from school, taken her to the
movies, exchanged a few wet kisses and tonight he was
planning to literally charm her pants off.
Jennifer Marten was the typical fourteen year old girl.
She liked the shops, gossiping, and catching the attentions of
handsome young boys like Edan. In her opinion he was worth
the risk she was taking tonight.
Jennifer was sneaking out to meet Edan. Her parents
were having a New Years party and it should be no problem
getting away. She checked her face and hair in the mirror. She
was a classic English beauty with a strong Roman nose, chubby
cheeks, golden-blonde hair and ice-blue eyes. She also had
learned from an early age how to use her looks to her
It was almost eleven o‟clock. Jennifer snuck out of her
room and into the street through her bedroom window. She
pulled on the hood of her heavy coat and tied it under her chin.
The ice cold night air made her eyes water.
She walked through the crowds to a path that led down
to a wooded area on the Thames. There were already several
couples spread out on the riverbank.
She spied an empty spot and walking quickly, her boots
crunching the frozen ground, she made her way to the river‟s
edge. Jennifer sat beneath a large tree and watched for Edan.
She could hear the current of the Thames rushing by and the
muted laughter of the lovers sitting upstream from her.
Across from her and up to the left, she could see the
London Eye. The wheel sat silent and unmoving. Jennifer
leaned back against the tree and closed her eyes. She
wondered what it was going to be like with Edan. She‟d been
sexually active for a year already and knew what was going to
New Years Eve fireworks and Edan Grahame, both were
a pretty exciting prospect to her. Confident no one was
watching she rubbed her crotch through her jeans.
“What are you doing you naughty little girl?” Edan said
from behind her.
Jennifer nearly jumped out of her skin.
“Edan! Don‟t you dare sneak up behind me like that.”
She crossed her arms across her chest.
Edan laughed and squatted down in front of her. He put
his hand between her legs.
“If I rub it for you, will you stop being angry with me?”
Jennifer crossed her legs, trapping his hand.
“Only if you do it the way I want…not how you‟d like to
Edan moved closer to her and kissed her. His tongue
found hers and Jennifer kissed him back. He moved his right
hand from between her legs up underneath her coat and her
sweater. He gently squeezed her small, firm breast.
Jennifer kissed Edan harder and rubbed his erection with
the palm of her hand.
“Why didn‟t you tell me what a dirty little girl you are?”
He whispered against her face.
“Just shut up and let‟s do what we came here to do.” She
“Stand up then.”
She stood up and turned around to face the tree. Edan
pushed up against her, reached around and unbuttoned her
pants. He pulled them down to her thighs. Her vagina felt hot
Jennifer gasped when Edan plunged his penis into her.
He pushed her face into the rough bark of the tree.
As he pounded her from behind he demanded, “How
many? How many other dicks have been in there?”
“Stop it! You‟re hurting me!” Jennifer cried.
“Answer me then slut.”
“Three, alright, now stop, please stop!”
“Oh, but I‟m not done yet…I have to add my jizz to the
three others you‟re carrying around.”
Jennifer tried to struggle away from him but Edan held
her firmly up against the tree. The bark made deep scratches in
“I hate you!” she started to cry harder.
Edan pulled the knife out of his pocket. He moved the
hair away from her neck.
“You can‟t hate me love…I‟m your last…and I own you.”
Edan said, withdrawing his penis before he could orgasm.
“What…” Jennifer uttered the last word she would ever
say as Edan slowly pushed the blade through her windpipe.
The blood covered the side of the tree. Jennifer‟s body
slumped to the ground. Edan looked around; no one had
noticed the two young lovers. He went down to the water and
finished by masturbating.
Edan shot his semen into the muddy water of the
Thames. He cleaned his hands and penis. He sat beside the
dead girl and carefully pulled her pants back up.
“The night‟s not over Jennifer my love. I still have a lot of
ways to penetrate you, yet.” Edan said quietly patting her ass.
Big Ben chimed in the New Year and the fireworks
spread across the sky. Edan smiled. To him, it was a beautiful
beginning to the year 2000.
Winter of 2001
Lynda could hear the fight from her safe haven
underneath the porch. She sat there nervously waiting for the
coast to clear while watching out for fire ants and spiders. The
front door slammed and another one of her mother‟s boyfriends
Since CeeCee had adopted Lynda four years ago, there
had been many scenes like this one. Lynda was especially glad
to see this one leave.
CeeCee sat on the couch crying. Her mind still refused to
believe what her eyes had seen earlier. Dave couldn‟t have
done it. He just couldn‟t have.
Lynda heard Dave walk down the steps and she held her
breath. He squatted down in front of the sagging wooden
“Lynnie, sweetheart, I know you are under there and I
know you can hear me.”
Lynda instinctively pulled her legs closer and covered her
“I want to apologize if what I‟ve done hurt you in
Lynda quietly began to rock back and forth.
“I really thought you wanted me to be that close to you.”
Lynda thought her insides were going to explode in pain.
Dave walked to his car and out of her life. She crawled out from
under the porch and cautiously opened the front door. CeeCee
was still crying.
Lynda sat on the couch beside her mom and rubbed her
CeeCee turned toward her daughter. Her eyes were
suddenly angry instead of sad. She savagely slapped Lynda
across the face. In shock, Lynda curled up on the other end of
the couch and cried.
“How many have left me because of you?!” CeeCee
screamed, slapping Lynda again, causing her nose to bleed.
“It wasn‟t Dave‟s fault, was it?! It was yours…you must
have wanted him to touch you or a good man like that wouldn‟t
have gone near you!”
She hit Lynda again and again. Lynda just laid there and
cried. Finally, tired of the mess, CeeCee stomped out of the
house for her favorite bar. She needed a drink.
Lynda ran for her bedroom closet as soon as her mother
left. In the house, it was the only place where she hadn‟t been
hurt by Dave. She rocked back and forth and closed her eyes.
Her mind, in order to protect Lynda, began the process of
shutting off the pain.
Soon Lynda had no connection to her body at all. She
was safe in the fantasy world she‟d created where men didn‟t
force you to touch them and mothers didn‟t put the blame on
you. Lynda sat like that for hours rocking back and forth and
Then her mother stumbled in drunk with a new man. The
nightmare for Lynda would continue.
Summer of 2003
School was torture for Lynda. She never seemed to fit in
with her peers. In Texas, girls are expected to focus on looking
as pretty as possible starting at a very early age. They are also
encouraged away from subjects like math and science and
pushed towards activities like cheerleading.
Lynda wasn‟t interested in either one. At twelve, she
didn‟t care or know how to properly clean her face or hair.
During her period, it was almost impossible to find any students
to sit next to her because of her body odor.
Today was the last day of school. She walked slowly
home. It was already so hot that the bottoms of her shoes were
sticking to the sidewalk. Lynda‟s greasy brown hair dripped with
sweat. She clutched her books to her chest and kept her eyes
on the ground. She hated home worse than school, but at least
at home she had a place to hide.
Lynda always wore clothes that were shapeless and
unflattering. Today she was in an oversized dirty white t-shirt
and jeans. It was another way for her to hide.
Lynda walked through the dead grass in her yard
towards the small bungalow type house her and her mother
lived in currently. Once inside, the cold air conditioning made
It was a shabby cheap place with well used furniture and
thread bare carpets. Lynda grabbed a soda out of the
refrigerator and headed for her bedroom. CeeCee wouldn‟t be
home for another couple of hours. Hopefully „Uncle Earl‟
wouldn‟t come home until later either. He was just another link
in the chain of men that liked to hurt her and her mother.
Lynda locked the bedroom door behind her. She lay
down on her bed and looked around. A huge poster of Jim
Morrison looking down at her from the opposite wall was the
room‟s only decoration. His picture represented freedom from
the world and she wished she could walk into it and escape.
The front door slammed. A male voice called out “Lynda!
Where are you, girl?”
Earl Boudreaux was the typical stereotype redneck; too
much weight, too much beer and not enough ambition to keep
a job. But Earl also had a dirty secret. He liked to abuse pre-
teen girls. He banged on her door.
“Open up, girl!”
Lynda‟s body stiffened. She heard Earl try the doorknob.
“Goddammit I said open up!”
Lynda couldn‟t say a word as he continued to beat on the
door. Earl even tried kicking it down. Miraculously it held fast.
Finally he gave up. When it was quiet, Lynda started breathing
normally again. However, the pain inside was almost
unbearable. She needed to let it out somehow.
On her bedside table was a metal nail file. She picked it
up and stared at it. Lynda turned it over in her hands. She laid
it on the bed and stood up. She took off her jeans and sat back
down. She picked up the file again.
Lynda drew it across her bare thigh. It made a deep red
scratch. She did it again, only harder this time. A thin red line of
blood appeared. A rush of adrenaline hit her and for a brief
moment one pain obscured the other.
Lynda cut the other thigh much deeper that the first. The
high lasted longer, too. After cutting herself four times she felt
free enough to close her eyes and escape into her fantasy
world. But sexual feeling now lived in this world, also.
Still bleeding from her legs, she masturbated. The shame
of her orgasm forced her to retreat even further from reality.
When CeeCee got home from work Lynda had a fake smile
pasted firmly on her face. She‟d learned two years ago that to
forget and pretend was to survive.
Fall of 2005
CeeCee was tired. Tired of working for nothing, tired of
her cheap life and tired of men. When this last one walked out
she didn‟t replace him immediately with another just like him.
Instead, she finally looked at her daughter and she didn‟t like
what she saw.
CeeCee had to admit that she‟d been a poor choice as a
mother for Lynda. But maybe it wasn‟t too late. Maybe she
could be the mother she should have been for the past eight
Lynda sat bored in the last class of the day. Math was
worse that a foreign language to her. The person behind her
handed Lynda a note. After she turned back around, he pinched
his nosed and waved at the air. She was used to the comments
and the cruel laughter.
Even one of her teachers had asked her why she didn‟t
make sure she had clean clothes. Lynda couldn‟t find the voice
to tell this woman that her mother was usually too busy trying
to avoid being hit to do laundry.
The note was from one of her main tormentors, Jake
Allen. It read „let me walk you home.‟ Lynda wadded it up and
threw it on the floor. When the bell rang she was the first out of
the class and out of the building. Jake followed her.
“Lynda wait up please.” He said catching up to her.
“Go away.” Lynda said looking at the ground.
Jake touched her arm and she stopped walking.
“I need to talk to you. I promise it‟s nothing bad, ok? I
need to apologize.” Jake said sincerely.
Lynda wanted desperately to believe him, but he was
one of the most popular kids in school. Jake was a football
player, rich and good looking. He was probably only out to hurt
her again. Her eyes filled with tears and she began walking
away again. Jake kept following trying to get her to listen.
To get home, Lynda had to cross the parking lot of an
abandoned gas station. Its windows had been broken and the
door had been ripped off its hinges. Graffiti marked the walls
inside and out.
Jake tried one more time and reached out to touch
“Lynda please.” He sounded so sincere that she turned
“I just need to talk to you.” He gestured towards the old
building. “Let‟s go in and pull up a rock, ok?”
Lynda shyly nodded. They both went inside and sat down
on the rock strewn floor.
“First, I want to tell you that the other night in church I
got saved.” Jake looked at her with sympathy in his eyes.
Lynda stared at the ground in front of her, confused as
to why he was telling her this.
“Lynda, please look at me.”
She lifted her head.
“I‟m sorry for all that I‟ve done to you.”
Lynda fought back the tears, but she didn‟t look away.
“I want to tell you that Jesus loves you too and he sent
me to save you.”
In a flash the tears disappeared and were replaced with
anger. He wanted to save her. Jesus, after watching her suffer
for years now sent this boy to „save her‟. Lynda reached forward
and picked up a large rock.
“He knows you‟ve sinned and loves you anyway.”
Lynda gripped the rock so tight that her fingers bled. She
sinned? Not those who hurt her, but her… it was her fault…her
“He wants to cleanse you of all that dirt inside you and
make you new again.”
The dirt inside? Does he mean the sperm she was forced
to swallow over and over again? How about her hands, her
breasts, her vagina? Some prick in one way or another had
been all over them too.
So, the men weren‟t dirty for doing it, she was dirty
because it all had landed on her. In one swift move Lynda hit
Jake in the face hard with the rock. He fell back on the concrete
floor bleeding heavily.
Like a girl possessed by demons, she hit him again and
again until bits of brain, skull and blood covered her. When she
struck the last blow her body involuntarily had an orgasm. She
threw the rock down and stood up. Lynda had to get home.
Her house was right behind the gas station but across
the street. Carefully, she looked around outside. No one was
around. In terror she ran home and into the house. CeeCee
stared at her daughter in complete shock.
“He tried to rape me.” Lynda said breathlessly.
“I killed him.” Lynda started to cry.
CeeCee was an expert in denial. Her mother had taught
her to master that art well growing up. Without a word she
cleaned up her daughter and destroyed the evidence. She
burned Lynda‟s clothes in the BBQ pit behind the house.
After a bath had washed away Jake‟s blood, Lynda sat on
the couch in a pink nightgown. She looked fragile and innocent.
CeeCee held her and stroked her hair, quietly assuring her that
things were going to change. She apologized for not protecting
Lynda sat and listened but she didn‟t believe her mother.
Something in her had hardened. The gaping wound in her soul
had suddenly scabbed over and Lynda no longer wanted to be a
victim. From now on, taking care of herself would the top
priority in her life. Even if it meant killing again to do it.
She pictured Jake laying there in the dark being crawled
on by bugs and rats. Lynda smiled and almost laughed when
the realization hit her that she had enjoyed killing the holier
than thou creep.
Hi. My name is Lynda Carmichael. Let‟s see…I just turned
sixteen and I‟m from a boring big city in Texas. I was adopted
by Ms. Carmichael ten years a go but I call her mom anyway. I
don‟t remember anything before that.
It‟s always felt weird though to be given up by my real
parents. I mean how bad was I for them to get rid of me?
Logically, I know it might not be like that. It just feels like it.
Since I turned sixteen last week things seem really
different all of a sudden. I‟ve got all these feelings swirling
around inside that I don‟t understand. It feels like I‟m waiting
for something to happen. I don‟t know if what I‟m waiting for is
good or bad, though.
I used to pray a lot when I would get confused but I
finally realized there is no God or if there is one, he‟d given up
on me a long time ago. Just like my real parents did I guess.
Anyway, today a letter came in the mail and guess where
I get to go? Edinburgh, Scotland! We won some kind of
vacation and me and mom are really excited about it.
I mean they have real castles over there and a real
queen. I mean how cool is that! I might even meet a real live
prince to turn me into a princess and take me away from it all.
You never know.
April 15 2007
Roses. Her mother‟s dry skin stilled smelled of roses.
Morbidly, Lynda wondered when the smell of decay would
overpower her mother‟s favorite perfume. She put her head on
her mother‟s stomach. The hard rail of the hospital bed dug into
her chest. And for the first time, Lynda Carmichael cried. She
cried because fate had just taken the only person she had in the
world from her. She cried out of fear and she cried because she
was now lost in a strange country.
This trip of a lifetime was turning into a season in hell.
Lynda felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. The
concerned Doctor‟s kind expression made her cry harder. Dr.
MacNash shook her head. Heart attacks never happen at a good
“Miss, we need to care for your Mum now. Wait in the
hall outside. Some people need to talk to you.”
Lynda stood up slowly. She squeezed her mother‟s cold
hand one last time and left the room.
The glare of the white lights in the hospital corridor hurt
her eyes. Lynda blinked several times and methodically made
her way to the nearest chair. She looked down at her shoes.
Pink leather flats and death didn‟t go together. Her pink
cardigan and skirt didn‟t either.
“Yes?” Lynda‟s voice was hoarse from crying.
“My name is Elizabeth Murray. I‟m going to need some
information from you.”
Lynda nodded, trying to think through the fog of shock
An hour of questioning had left her mentally and
physically exhausted. Judging by the look on Ms. Murray‟s face
as she left, she thought so too.
Not knowing what else to do, Lynda began wandering
aimlessly through the hospital. She passed an endless array of
faces, and bodies all in various phases of pain and suffering.
“Whoa, Miss! You can‟t go in there.”
Lynda jumped in fright. She had almost walked right into
an operating room.
“Oh, my God, how do I get out of this place?” Lynda
asked the nurse that had stopped her, in frustration.
Jill stared intently at the lost girl standing in front of her.
She was around sixteen, long, straight brown hair with a face
that could only be called handsome and not pretty. The girls
blue eyes seemed to beg for help. She also looked ridiculous in
all that pink.
Jill smiled, “You look like you need a cup of tea and a
friendly ear. Luckily, I can do both.”
Lynda looked at the tall, blonde woman with gratitude.
After a cup of hot tea, and what seemed like an eternity
of venting, Lynda felt strong enough to face what was waiting
for her back at the hotel. Jill walked her to the main entrance
of the hospital. The grey Scottish sky was getting darker and
threatening to rain.
“I can‟t let you go out in this mess alone. Wait here while
I get my coat and I‟ll walk with you.”
Lynda suddenly felt like being alone but Jill had been so
nice to her. Just a little while longer and she could get out of
her silly clothes and try to get warm.
Jill walked up to her again and wrapped her coat around
“There, that should keep some of this nasty weather
As Lynda pulled it tight around her, the heavy wool
scratched her hands. It felt good against her skin.
The narrow and dark streets of Edinburgh made her feel
claustrophobic and unreal, as if she were floating outside of her
body. A cat hissed at her from an alley. She would have loved
to have kicked it.
The rain started pouring harder. Jill pulled Lynda
towards an alleyway. It smelled like urine and rotten tomatoes.
“We‟ll wait here for a few. Maybe the rain will let up in a
Lynda leaned up against the rough brick wall. A black
four door Lexus pulled up slowly in front of them. Jill smiled.
“I know these guys. Hold on while I ask them for a lift.”
Jill opened the front door and a blast of music shattered
the quiet of the dark street. Jill turned and waved to Lynda to
“Come on, we‟ve got it.”
Inside the car it was warm and smelled like a mix of
sweat and musk. The loud music rattled Lynda‟s already fragile
nerves but at least it was dry. Jill was right next to her, and
beside Jill was a black man who seemed to be in his early
twenties. His face looked like it was made of stone and it was
hard to imagine him smiling. The man in the passenger seat
was a slender, skinny white man who looked like he couldn‟t
stop smiling. But his smile gave her the creeps. And then the
driver turned around.
Something in his eyes made her heart almost stop
beating. He was beautiful, but in a way that was hard to
describe. His hazel eyes locked onto hers and held her captive
while he sized her up. Edan. That‟s what Jill said… his name
48 Hours Later
“Ok. Let‟s go over this again. Two days ago you were
warm and dry in this car and then end up somehow on a roof
holding a dead baby. Now, I need to know, how in Hades did
that baby die?!!”
The Chief Constable was losing his patience with this so-
called child. He ran his hands over his short gray hair. Never in
his whole career had he seen such a bloodbath. The entire top
floor of that apartment building had been painted, no drenched
in blood. And to top it off he didn‟t know if he had a victim or a
cold-blooded killer sitting in front of him.
Her eyes were dead, her responses seemed rehearsed.
Something was just not right with Lynda Carmichael. Chief
Constable Simmons looked at her again.
“Well? Can‟t you say anything?”
Lynda didn‟t speak but her hands started to tremble and
her stomach felt queasy from the smell coming from Simmons.
He obviously had needed some liquid courage just to face her.
Edan. She let his name move through her mind and down her
“I don‟t know who was in that car. I don‟t know how that
baby died! All I know is that I tried to save it. That‟s all I know.”
Lynda finally said defiantly.
“Well, at least you have a voice. Now, go back to that car
that picked you and Jill up. How many men where in it?”
“Two. One in the back and one driving.”
“Now, that doesn‟t make sense because those two men
are dead inside that hell house and the only one left alive is
YOU! So, did they kill everyone else and stab each other to
death? All the while you are safe and sound outside on the roof
holding a dead baby?!” Chief Constable Simmons was losing his
patience. He needed another drink.
He walked over to the window and looked down at the
growing crowd of reporters waiting outside. He put his head up
against the cool glass. What was she hiding? And more
importantly, why? She had seen this nurse Jill torn up in the car
and then, according to her, she was chased down and forced to
watch an entire group of people be slashed apart. But who
killed the killers?
Lynda watched the back of his head. She closed her
eyes. She needed to be back in that car.
“Edan turn down that noise.‟ Said Jill, “it‟s really hurting
“Fuck you Jill. Or rather after our last date, never mind.”
He laughed sarcastically.
He started singing to the music blasting out of the radio.
“Edan! Come on shut that crap up!” Jill screeched.
Edan slammed on the brakes and turned into an alley. He
twisted off the radio and turned around in the seat.
“Jill. Love. You have no idea what tonight means to me.
Does she guys?” Edan‟s accent was strangely soothing to
Lynda‟s ears. It wasn‟t the uptight aristocratic British or the
unintelligible Cockney. It was smooth and definitely more
Blake, the black guy just stared at the two of them and
Dusty in the passenger seat, still grinning idiotically, began
nodding his head up and down comically.
Lynda, breathing hard, tried to open her door. It was
locked. She reached for the lock. It was broken. Edan saw her
“Lynda. Love. This is our night. I saw it in you when I
looked in those ice blue eyes of yours. Jill, you are going to help
me prove a theory of mine.”
“I don‟t know what fucked-up idea you have in mind and
I really don‟t care to hear it. Just unlock the damn doors and let
us out! For God‟s sake this girl just lost her mother!”
Blake finally said something, “That sucks.”
Edan shook his head and looked at Lynda with concern.
“Then this is really going to free you isn‟t it, girl? No
more hiding what you really feel. No more having to worry
about what poor old mum is going to think. Blake, hold Jill‟s
Blake viciously grabbed Jill by the arms and pulled her up
against his chest.
“Dusty, the knife please.” Dusty handed Edan a knife
from under his shirt with a theatrical flourish and a giggle.
Edan now turned around and faced Jill.
Lynda shrieked, “No! Please, no!” She started screaming
and banging on the door.
Edan nodded at Dusty who grabbed Lynda by the hair,
yanking her up against the seat. Edan leaned over until he was
inches away from her face. She felt his hot breath stinging her
“Tonight, I am going to prove that it is possible to kill
someone and not get an erection.” He smiled and the other two
Lynda‟s heart felt like it was going to beat its way out of
her chest. He reached over and massaged Lynda‟s breast under
her sweater. She felt her nipples harden.
“Of course it‟s more fun with one.” He smiled.
Jill was crying. She could feel Blake‟s hard-on pushing
into her back.
“That‟s for you though Edan. I am not ashamed to get it
up whenever the opportunity arises. So to speak.”
“All I have to do is cough and mine jumps up.” Dusty
“Well, that proves that I am the brains in this adventure.
Not you two cads.”
Edan turned back to Jill. She began frantically kicking her
“Blake, hold her legs still.”
“Edan, I‟ve got her arms. How „bout you hold her damn
“Such a smart ass. One day you‟ll pay for that.”
With a swift downward motion, Edan stabbed Jill right
above both knees. She stopped kicking immediately and started
sobbing hysterically in pain.
“See how easy that was.”
Lynda let out a moan that sounded like a wounded
animal. Edan twisted around and flipped down the visor‟s cd
“Let‟s see, we need some killer music for this.”
Dusty kept Lynda‟s hair tight in his fist. Her eyes
watered. She could barely breathe. Lynda could smell and feel
Dusty‟s hot, sour breath on her face.
Edan put the tip of the knife under Jill‟s right eye. He
made a small cut. A tear mixed with the blood and ran down
her face, leaving a red trail on her cheek. Edan smiled.
He slowly sliced open one cheek. Jill‟s eyes rolled back in
her head. Edan calmly sliced the other cheek, following the trail
of Jill‟s bloody tears.
“Keep her awake.” Blake bit her ear savagely. Jill moaned
and sobbed in sheer terror.
Edan, starting at the tip of her chin, slowly cut down her
neck and onto her chest, stopping at Jill‟s breastbone.
“It would be so easy to just plunge this knife deep into
your heart and end all of this wouldn‟t it, love?”
“But that‟s no fun, is it Lynda?”
“I don‟t know what the fuck you are talking about you
psycho bastard!” Lynda exploded in rage and terror.
“I‟m talking about this…” Edan held up the bloody knife.
He ran his finger over the blade. He touched Lynda‟s lips and
gently covered them in Jill‟s blood. Then he kissed her.
“You know what I mean. You know exactly what I am
doing and why. You know me.” he whispered against her face.
Poor little Yankee bird, trapped helpless in my cage. But,
dear Reader, like I told Lynda in the car…we are the same. So
before you feel too sorry for her, notice she didn‟t exactly resist
my bloody kiss now, did she?
But it‟s not Lynda I want to talk about right now, its
nurse Jill. The lovely Jill. We knew each other well. Sounds too
fucking Shakespearian for a slut that liked it rough.
She‟d get an itch that only I could scratch. Boring for me
though. Women like that are a dime a dozen. Tie them up; they
beg you to beat their asses, cum on their breasts….then it‟s
over. Yawn. I‟d rather be watching a football game.
Chief Constable Simmons walked out in to the frigid
Scottish air. The reporters started screaming questions at him
immediately. He held up both hands.
“Please, I have a statement for the press but only a
statement. No questions will be answered until we get more
information. At five o‟clock this morning, a policeman on foot
patrol on Johnston Terrace, noticed a young woman up on the
roof of an apartment building. She looked like she was hurt and
she was holding an infant. She was unresponsive to the calls of
the policeman. Upon entering the building, it was discovered
that on the top floor, several residents had been murdered.” He
paused. It was more like a scene in a slaughter house than any
murder he‟d ever seen. It was going to take weeks just to
“It does appear that two of the perpetrators have also
been killed. At this time we do not know if this young lady is a
victim or not.”
The Chief Constable turned to walk back into the station.
“Is the babe alive?” A young male reporter called out.
Simmons stopped and turned back to face the crowd
again. He just shook his head and then hurriedly left.
Lynda had been led to a cell where a psychologist waited
for her. She was an older woman with a long, grey braid and a
face that resembled an apple that had been in the sun for too
Lynda sat on the edge of the hard cot. She wrapped her
arms around her stomach. The old pain was starting again.
“Are you in any pain?” Dr. Michaels asked in concern.
Lynda shook her head. “No, I‟m not in any pain that a
Doctor can fix.”
“And why is that?”
“Because my pain is me, and I can‟t be fixed.”
Dr. Michaels frowned. “And what is it about you that
can‟t be fixed?”
Lynda laughed. It felt good to find something funny
about all of this.
“You wouldn‟t understand. I was born this way and I‟ll
die this way, too.”
“Did that baby die because of you?” Dr. Michaels asked
in a low voice.
“I didn‟t kill anyone! I didn‟t! If that baby died, it was
because of someone else. Not me! I only wanted to get it
somewhere safe. Somewhere that they couldn‟t hurt it.”
“And who is „they‟, Lynda?”
“I‟ve told everyone over and over again! Those two men
in the car.”
“They killed the nurse Jill?”
“And all those people in the building?”
“Then who killed them?”
Lynda stopped just short of saying his name.
“How do I know?! They almost fucking killed me! Can‟t
you people see that?! Is everyone here really this fucking
Lynda began to scream and pull her hair. She clawed at
her face. Her nails made ragged scratches down her cheeks.
Dr. Michaels quickly reached into her bag for a syringe.
In one swift move, Lynda was sedated. She lay limp on the cot,
her eyes closed and smiling. He was inside her, watching over
her and guiding her. Edan.
Lynda floated into the darkness of her mind.
September 15, 2007
My adopted mom died today. I should be crying but I‟m
too scared to do anything but sit here and look at her. She went
from laughing to hurting and then to … dead. It took less than
fifteen minutes for her to leave me, too. What am I going to do
now without a mom?
She wasn‟t perfect but I think she loved me. She taught
me a lot about what it means to be a girl. But she wasn‟t
perfect. If she had been, she would‟ve protected me from her
boyfriends and mine.
I mean I know I‟m nothing to look at and I‟m fatter than
I should be, but that doesn‟t stop guys from trying to put their
hands down your shirt or up your skirt, now does it?
Most if that‟s my fault, I guess. I dream about being
strong enough to just haul off and slap someone really hard for
touching me and then getting bitchy about it. But something
inside causes me to freeze up and just lets most of it happen.
The word „no‟ can‟t be that hard to say, can it?
Even though I have never let anyone go all the way, I‟m
not that stupid, there are a couple of things I will do that seem
to make these guys happy enough. At least they leave me alone
for awhile afterwards.
I mean if they asked me to do something then I‟d at
least have a chance to say no. But they just expect me to do
whatever, whenever. No one wants to know how I feel about
My real mom didn‟t ask how I felt about her getting rid of
me and my adopted mom didn‟t ask me if it was okay to die
and leave me all alone. For once, it would be so nice for
someone, anyone to just ask me if it‟s okay. I‟d love to know
what it feels like to be given a choice …yes or no.
Chief Constable Simmons crossed over the yellow tape
that separated the public from the crime scene. He looked up at
the apartment building. It somehow, looked sinister in the
fading daylight. He walked up the steps, nodded at the officer
at the door and stepped back into a nightmare.
The air in the building seemed heavy with the smell of
blood, even though the actual bodies had already been
removed. Cleaning up the mess left behind would take days.
Simmons pushed the button in the lift for the top floor. The old
machine groaned in protest. Slowly, it noisily made its way to
the fourth floor.
The smell got worse as soon as Simmons stepped out of
the lift. Immediately, he saw huge splashes of blood painting
the walls and the ceiling. He made his way gingerly over several
puddles on the floor to the white-coated forensics tech bending
down taking a sample.
“The guvnor is in the main room, so don‟t ask me
anything. I don‟t know a damn thing anymore.”
Evidently, the Head of the FSS was not in a good mood.
“Chief Constable! In here please. It‟s about time you
made your presence known.”
Martha O‟Conor looked more like an old fashioned school
teacher than the Head of Edinburgh‟s Forensic Science Services.
Her diminutive size did not match the booming sound of her
voice or the authoritative way she managed her technicians.
“I see you are in a mood, Martha.” Simmons said
“I‟ll let that „Martha‟ comment pass, Chief.”
For a brief second, Simmons could see doubt on her
“You‟d think that with all I‟ve seen in my thirty plus years
in forensics that nothing could surprise me anymore. Right now,
I‟m thinking of doing the unthinkable and retire after this one.”
Simmons, nodded, his stomach was in knots. The heat
and smell was making him nauseous.
“Can we get some air while we talk?”
O‟Conor looked closely at the Chief Constable.
“Now I know I‟ve seen everything. You look like a rookie
that‟s about to blow his scones all over his nice suit.”
Lynda floated in and out of consciousness. Images from
her childhood kept getting mixed up with Edan. On her fifth
birthday, she was having her first party. Lynda could see herself
blowing out the candles and clapping with excitement at the
presents. She felt someone caressing her hair, looked up and
No! That was wrong. He couldn‟t be there. But she could
see him clearly. He waved his hand over the cake and it
disappears. The people fade into nothingness. It‟s just her,
sitting at an old kitchen table, crying.
Edan rubs her arms lovingly and whispers “See how it
really was Lynda. There were no parties when you were little.”
She looks around the dingy one room apartment. She
sees an old sofa, a small black and white TV, and in the far
corner, hanging from the ceiling a yellow sheet. And behind the
sheet…the shape of a bed.
“Stand up.” Edan takes Lynda‟s small hand.
“You need to see what you have been hiding all of these
years. You need to see the truth.”
Lynda wanted to scream, she wanted to run but Edan
held her hand firmly in his as they walked toward the yellow
sheet. A sour smell invaded her nose and alien noises filled her
ears. Edan slowly pulled the sheet back.
My sweet beautiful Lynda does have a load full
of pain inside of her. And it‟s all courtesy of the woman
that squatted down and pushed her out. Her mother. But you
know something has always intrigued me. It‟s the term „mother
fucker‟. Aren‟t most women either someone‟s mum or going to
be one day? Which if that‟s true, it makes all men in reality,
Well, Lynda‟s mum had a lot of mother fuckers in that
bed and she was always too busy shooting shit in a vein or
snorting it up her nose to care that her child could see, hear,
and smell all the semen splashed fun.
“Now that I‟ve got you outside and
looking more dignified, are you ready to talk
about this atrocity, Chief Constable Simmons?”
Simmons leaned up against the side of the building,
grateful for the cold air. He sheepishly nodded.
“Ok, here is the scenario so far. The tenants in this
building were all in the top floor conference room having a
meeting. It was probably one of those bitch sessions about
management. Anyway, we have ten apartments with three
married couples, four single females with a roommate, and
three single males. All total, nine women, eight men and one
six-week old male infant. All deceased. Adding to the mix, are
the two male perpetrators, also deceased. My theory is that
those two were the muscle; they restrained the tenants before
killing them. But there has to be another perp because after
everyone is dead, someone got their jollies off by mutilating the
Simmons felt a dull ache begin to throb in his temples.
“Any sign of another person here besides Lynda
“No, none at all, so far. And one more thing, the infant,”
she paused, “he died from a broken neck.”
“Lynda, you have to start talking to me. I can‟t help you
if you don‟t cooperate.” Dr. Michaels said slowly and deliberately
as if talking to a small child.
“What does it matter?” Lynda asked wearily.
She only wanted to go back to her quiet cell. Two
policewomen had rudely waked her up, and half-drug her into
the interrogation room. Chief Simmons watched from behind a
“It matters to that dead baby.”
Lynda‟s eyes watered for a brief second, and then
“Now, let‟s go back. You are in the car with two men,