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  • No need for background why you end up in that hotel. Don’t narrate you went there during Pattaya Music Festival. All hotels were booked so you ended up there. It’s irrelevant in a descriptive paragraph.\n
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W improve writing W improve writing Presentation Transcript

  • Room for Improvement
  • DESCRIPTIVE PARAGRAPH• The purpose of the paragraph is to • DESCRIBE a place • Supporting sentences should describe what it looks like, what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste • NOT to narrate a story
  • HORRIBLE HOTEL• To describe a horrible hotel, you should • Illustrate why such hotel is horrible • Look: small, dark, dirty • Feel: hot in summer due to no air- conditioning, cold in winter due to no heating
  • HORRIBLE HOTEL • Sight: big window but terrible view, dump site, dead trees, construction • Sound: noises from the street, cars, street vendors • Smell: stuffy, smelly blanket, moldy toilet,
  • HORRIBLE HOTEL• What else? • Activity: bad service, unfriendly staff, restaurant running out of food
  • How to get startedIntroductory sentence & Topic sentence
  • WHAT WENT WRONG? ✘Put too much information in introductory sentence Introductory sentence is optional If you wish to write it, make it relevant and short [1-2 sentences] Do not tell a story
  • WHAT WENT WRONG?✘Introductory sentence is awkward ✘Where is your horrible place? ✘BAD: illogical, quite awkward to be thefirst sentence of the paragraph Good: Have you ever stayed in a reallyterrible hotel?
  • WHAT WENT WRONG? ✘The topic sentence is not a complete sentence ✘A horrible hotel in Pattaya >> Fragment [incomplete sentence] A complete sentence requires a subject and a predicate The horrible hotel in Pattaya charged expensively for a poor service.
  • WHAT WENT WRONG?✘Cliché topic sentence ✘BAD: You shouldnot stay in a horriblehotel. ✘Vague topic sentence ✘BAD: This hotel ishorrible.
  • WHAT WENT WRONG? ✘Redundant [repeat the same idea] ✘BAD: This hotel is a terrible place for me. It is the most horrible place I have ever been.
  • WHAT WENT WRONG?✘ There is no topic sentence ✘ BAD: The hotel I stayed last month is the most horrible because the rooms are small, dark, and dirty. The topic sentence mentions the MAIN IDEA, NOT the details.
  • HOW TO CORRECT IT Be specific: which hotel, how do you feel? GOOD: The hotel where I went last summer gave me a dreadful experience. GOOD: It is quite a mistake to stay in that old hotel in Pattaya.
  • HOW TO WRITE A TOPIC SENTENCE• Mention the topic • Topic: the hotel where you stayed • Opinion: that hotel was extremely horrible/you wish you had never been there• Topic sentence • The hotel I went last year was such a nightmare.
  • How to write a topic sentence Passage 1• Topic: rules to save water in the summer• Opinion: alleviating the difficult situation• The new rules to save water in the summer was meant to get us through the difficult time.
  • How to write a topic sentence Passage 2• Topic: Nancy’s effort to become a nurse• Opinion: she was eager to do many things• Nancy put a lot of effort to make herself ready to become a nurse.
  • How to write a topic sentence Passage 3• Topic: many facilities in big cities• Opinion: they are advantageous• Big cities are attractive in offering various facilities to their residents.
  • DescriptionHow to write supporting sentences
  • HOW TO WRITE SUPPORTING SENTENCES• Describe the place • What do you see? Can you describe it so that those who are not there can picture it, as well? • How do you feel about the place? Does it help you feel peaceful, relaxed, or happy? • What do you hear, smell, taste?
  • WHAT WENT WRONG?✘ Incoherence✘ Description does not support the topicsentence✘ BAD: I cannot sleep all night because I haveallergy.WHY:How is it relevant to the horrible hotel?You need to establish that the hotel was sodusty that your allergy aggravated.
  • WHAT WENT WRONG? ✘ Lack of organization ✘ BAD: The rooms are too small. It happened when I went to this hotel last year. WHY: The content lacks coherence and organization. The second sentence should NOT come after the description of the room.
  • Grammatical Error
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR•Spelling •Form vs. From •Warm vs. Warn•Proofread before submitting
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Part of speech • Wrong:The rooms are booked full. • Right: The rooms are fully booked. • Wrong: The rooms are very old and badly. • Right: The rooms are very old and in bad condition.
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Verb to be • Passive voice • The hotel is located on a main street. • Do not use verb to be with a verb unless it is a passive voice • Wrong: It’s made me feel frightened.
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR • Verb to be • Followed by a complement [adj/n] • I was very frightened. [adj] • She was a receptionist. [n.]
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Mix - ups
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Mix - ups • There is, there are NOT There have
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Mix - ups • There is, there are NOT There have • They vs. There
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Mix - ups • There is, there are NOT There have • They vs. There • Wrong:There should repair it
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Mix - ups • There is, there are NOT There have • They vs. There • Wrong:There should repair it • Right: They should repair it
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Subject
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Subject• noun, pronoun can be subject
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Subject• noun, pronoun can be subject• When a noun/pronoun comes after a preposition, it cannot function as a subject. It becomes modifier.
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Subject• noun, pronoun can be subject• When a noun/pronoun comes after a preposition, it cannot function as a subject. It becomes modifier. ✘ Wrong: Around the hotel don’t have any trees.
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR• Subject• noun, pronoun can be subject• When a noun/pronoun comes after a preposition, it cannot function as a subject. It becomes modifier. ✘ Wrong: Around the hotel don’t have any trees. There were not any trees around the hotel.
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR ✘ Stop applying Thai grammar in English
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR ✘ Stop applying Thai grammar in English • Hotel garden/park benches
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR ✘ Stop applying Thai grammar in English • Hotel garden/park benches ✘ Wrong: In/hotel garden/have/park benches
  • GRAMMATICAL ERROR ✘ Stop applying Thai grammar in English • Hotel garden/park benches ✘ Wrong: In/hotel garden/have/park benches Right: There are park benches in the hotel garden.