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Choosing a life partner made easy.

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  • Partner – this refers to an associate in an activity or endeavour or sphere of common interest
  • Unspoken RulesEveryone lives by a set of rules that are rarely spoken but always knownNeedless to say, unspoken rules become more vocal when our spouse “breaks” themUnconscious RolesJust as actors in a dramatic performance follows a script, so do married couplesThese are from a blend of personal dispositions, family backgrounds and marital expectation
  • Each of us constructs an idealized image of the person we marry. It is planted by our partner’s eager efforts to put his best foot forward but it takes root in the rich soil of our romantic fantasies.We need to realize that our marriage is not a source of constant roomance so that we can enjoy those moments of romance that come to us from time to time
  • Many people marry to escape from an unpleasant situationMarriage usually does not heal the soul or massage the spiritIt does not erase the way we felt – lonely, fear, personal painMarriage however, can become a powerful healing agent or environment forUncovering and Resolving issues
  • Characterized by a general reliance on the spouse for continual support, assurance and wholeness
  • Where partners attempt to earn sense of wholeness by relying on no one, not even their spouses
  • Where 2 people with self-respect and dignity commit themselves to nurture their own spiritual growth as well as their spouse’s
  • INSTRUMENTAL ROLE Traditional views emphasized the role of he family as an institution whose function was to meet the needs of society
  • EXPRESSIVE ROLE – Modern views of the family tend to emphasize its role in fulfilling personal needs for emotional security and companionship
  • The very basic difference in real love and what is passed for love in our society is the truth that love is not a feeling, love is a decision, a commitment to a person. The idea that love is an emotion misleads many young people (and adults too, for that matter). There is a feeling associated with this commitment to another person. That feeling is often called love. However, love is the commitment and remains established through whatever life throws at it. The emotion, on the other hand, may come and go depending upon the immediate circumstances. That is why some people fall into and out of love as often as others of us change shirts. Hopefully, this will become more clear as you read and understand what the Bible calls love.
  • Infatuation- loving feelings towards a another that are largely based upon fantasy and idealization (instead of experience). Often when partners get to know each other, infatuation diminishes.Romantic Love- An abiding love for a partner with whom you feel passion, attraction, caring and respect.Eros- a passionate love usually involving sexual feelings for a love interest.Companionate Love- feelings of warmth towards a friend with whom you love to spend time.
  • Conditional Love- A love that requires specific actionor conditions in order to be maintained. For example, at its extreme, a parent who gives very conditional love would only love his child when he gets straight A’s, becomes a surgeon or does exactly what she been told. The love is based on outside conditions and when they do not occur, the love is withdrawn.Unconditional Love- A type of affection and caring that is so strong that you feel it consistently, regardless of what that other person does. This could also be called Agape Love.
  • It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. The verb appears in the New Testament describing, amongst other things, the relationship between Jesus and the beloved disciple. In biblical literature, its meaning and usage is illustrated by self-sacrificing, giving love to all--both friend and enemy. It is used in Matthew 22:39, "Love your neighbour as yourself," and in John 15:12, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you," and in 1 John 4:8, "God is love." However, the word "agape" is not always used in the New Testament in a positive sense. II Timothy 4:10 uses the word in a negative sense. The Apostle Paul writes,"For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved (agapo) this present world...." Thus the word "agape" is not always used of a divine love or the love of God. Christian commentators have expanded the original Greek definition to encompass a total commitment or self-sacrificial love for the thing loved. Because of its frequency of use in the
  • Puppy Love- A childish, innocent temporary crush on someone that you don’t know well.Maternal Love- This term usually connotes love that is nurturing, accepting and protective. In actuality this love can also be given by a father, etc.Paternal Love- This term connotes love that involves guidance and some authority. Paternal love usually prepares a child to be ready for the outside world. Again, this love can be given by a mother, etc.
  • Soulmate Love- This type of love is described as a love that has survived multiple life times. Not everyone believes in this concept.Spiritual/Divine Love- This type of love recognizes the Divine light in everyone and everything. Love is given to everyone as an act of loving God.Love of your country or patriotism- This is love for the place you live or the place that were born. It is a type of loyalty and a special feeling of belonging that you attribute to that specific geographic location.
  • Self-Love- This is a positive feeling that you have about who you are and what you deserve. It often is expressed by treating yourself well, respecting yourself, wanting yourself to be happy and expecting others to respect you too.Brotherly Love- This term connotes having a feeling of love for your neighbor, because all humanity is considered to be part of a larger family of human beings.Tough Love- This term is used to describe a love that is expressed by setting boundaries for the good of the other person. So for example, a parent may send their teenager to rehab if he is drug addicted, even if he does not want to go. They feel that this is an act of love because it stems from a desire for their son’s ultimate good and happiness.
  • Platonic love - this is the simplest of all types. There are no strings attached and no sexual intentions either. It’s pure, friendly and we experience from a young age.Unrequited love - is a love filled with heartbreaks and one that almost all of us have experienced. It’s the dreaded one sided love, where you like someone and you know that person will never like you back. They may be in a relationship, or they may just use you.Storge Love - is often described as a comfortable old shoe relationship comprised of natural affection and a sense of belonging to each other. Storge love represents a safe haven for couples as it is a place of acceptance, mutual respect and shelter. Many couple dwell in storge love for years and misunderstand it as mundane or boring.
  • Obsessive love - is usually experienced by the novices who experience love for the first time, probably after having to deal with the scary unrequited love. Obsessive lovers are scared, insecure, and obviously obsessive about the relationship. They suck life out of the other until they leave them in the lurch.Selfish love - is smart. And though it involves two people to create that relationship, selfish love also involves two people who are in love with one person. Your partner loves you. You love you.
  • Unconditional love - Blessed are the lovers who experience this special type of love for each other. It’s not easy and it’s definitely not something most people even want to try. But if you do ever take a leap of faith, you’d see what true love really feels like. Do you love someone more than you love yourself?Phileo love - This cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved but it expects a response. It is a love of relationship, comradeship, sharing, communication and friendship. They share each other’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams. They confide in each other the most intimate secrets, fears and needs that they would not share with another. A marriage without phileo will be unsatisfactory no matter the passion in the bedroom.
  • Crushes - Ever had a crush on someone? Of course you have! The first crush is a memorable experience, one that’s filled with confusing jolts in the stomach, sudden urges to throw up and a stupid sense of grinning satisfaction each time you see your crush. It’s a beautiful experience even if it did feel like your life depended on it at that time.Limerence - Limerence, on the other hand, is rather close to a crush but much more intense and “weird”. Have you ever liked someone madly, but didn’t ever want to express your love for them, like a school teacher or an actor, or even a crush? Sometimes, you may have an intense infatuation for someone, but yet, you wouldn’t want to spoil the happy thoughts by doing anything about it
  • . Consider these contrasts between the two and determine if the feeling you have is love or infatuation. Remember to keep the focus of your heart on the Lord Jesus and check often to see that the focus has not shifted or become blurred. Infatuation Leaps Into Bloom. Love usually takes root slowly and grows with time. Two people do not fall into love, they grow into love. Love is not a feeling, it is a decision. Infatuation may be a sudden feeling. Infatuation Is Accompanied By A Sense Of Uncertainty. You are thrilled and stimulated, but not really happy. You are miserable when he is absent, you can't wait to see him again. Love begins with a feeling of security, you are warm with a sense of his nearness, even when he is away. You want him near, but near or far, you know he's yours and you can wait. Infatuation Says, "We Must Get Married Right Away. I can't risk losing him," or "I must go steady with him or some one else may take him away from me." Love says, "Don't rush into anything." You are sure of one another and you can plan your future with confidence. Infatuation Has An Element Of Sexual Excitement. If you are honest, you will discover that it is difficult to enjoy one another unless you end in intimacy (anything from heavy petting on). Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers. Infatuation Says, "We Must Get Married Right Away. I can't risk losing him," or "I must go steady with him or some one else may take him away from me." Love says, "Don't rush into anything." You are sure of one another and you can plan your future with confidence. Infatuation Has An Element Of Sexual Excitement. If you are honest, you will discover that it is difficult to enjoy one another unless you end in intimacy (anything from heavy petting on). Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers. These thoughts on love are quite different from what the world says love is. Many times in Scripture, what God says is quite the opposite of what the world says. God has never yet been proven wrong or inaccurate (nor will He ever be), so it seems a better risk to believe God than to believe THE LIE of the world. Where is the focus of your heart? Is it on the Lord Jesus or is it on popularity? Is it on acceptance by the crowd or the "well done" of the Lord Jesus? Examine your own heart carefully and in light of scripture. Where is the Focus of your Heart?
  • 1. A GOOD FRIEND IS FAITHFUL. Fair weather friends are numerous, and Proverbs mentions these (cf. 14:20; 19:4,6,7). But a true friend is a person who is still there even when the going gets tough.A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity (17:17)(18:24)(27:10).2. A GOOD FRIEND REBUKES US WHEN NECESSARY. There are things which may need to be said to a friend that are not easy to say. IA true friend is the one who is honest enough to tell us what we need to hear, rather than to flatter us.(29:5).Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (27:5-6).Why is it, then, that we seem to think that a wife should never criticize her husband? Is it not better to be corrected by our closest friend than by an enemy? Sometimes the kindest thing a wife can do for her husband is to tell him that his idea is absolutely ridiculous--in a gracious way, of course.3. A GOOD FRIEND IS THOUGHTFUL AND TACTFUL. A good friend is sensitive to our needs and speaks in such a way that we are encouraged and enriched. His sensitivity is demonstrated in his understanding that gaiety and goodwill is not always appropriate nor appreciated. “It matters not only ‘what’ we say, but ‘how,’ ‘when’ and ‘why’ we say it.”34 (25:20) (27:14).4. A GOOD FRIEND SHARPENS US. Not only do we need to be criticized when necessary, but sometimes we need to be probed or stretched in our thinking. A good friend does not allow us to become intellectually stagnant, but prods us on to higher and greater thoughts.Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another (27:17) (20:5).Isn’t this true to life? Don’t you seek to develop friendships with those who will challenge your thinking and present you with new avenues of thought? Why should one of these friends not be your mate?5. A GOOD FRIEND OFFERS US WISE COUNSEL. Those whom we choose as friends should be marked by wisdom and thus have godly counsel to offer.Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend (27:9).David, Nabal, and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25.

Transcript

  • 1. CHOOSING YOUR LIFE PARTNER Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah
  • 2. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com ARE THEIR SMILES GENUINE? Why do you think so?
  • 3. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com ARE THEIR SMILES GENUINE? Why do you think so?
  • 4. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com ARE THEIR SMILES GENUINE? Why do you think so?
  • 5. A FEW ISSUES TO BE CLEARED By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 6. 1. All or part of this presentation is available at www.slideshare.net 2. I keep updating my presentations but are sometimes reluctant to upload them 3. How come we spend so much learning how to choose careers that facilitate the achievement of our fullest potential but cant make time to learn how to choose our life partner.
  • 7. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com A FEW THOUGHTS ABOUT MARRIAGE  a group which consists of: a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two;  'We stay together, but we distrust one another.' 'Ah, yes...but isn't that a definition of marriage?'  Malcolm Bradbury (1932 - 2000)  A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.  Jane Austen (1775 - 1817)  A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticising and trying to improve him.  J. B. Priestley (1894 - 1984)  It is a very good way to promote civilization - if you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher  Socrates
  • 8. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com AND A FEW FIGHTS  I was chopping tomatoes for dinner and my husband thought I was doing it wrong. I finished cooking dinner and he refused to eat it. Instead, he ordered pizza with every single topping I don't like. — court&john  We had a standoff for almost a week to see who would give in first and finally buy toilet paper. For the record, I won. — steve+mel  How to pronounce Cameron Diaz's name. I said "dee-oz" and he insisted it was "dee-as." Who cares? I didn't speak to him for the rest of the night. — mcnam002  We got into a fight while assembling the furniture in our new house. If we made it through that, we'll make it through anything! — AubreyDub  Whether or not to tuck in the sheets at the end of the bed — every time I make the bed, I tuck them in, and every night, he untucks them. — KDTully
  • 9. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com FIRST THINGS FIRST  Partner – An associate in an activity or endeavour or sphere of common interest  Life – The course of existence of an individual; the actions and events that occur in living  A life partner can be understood to be an associate or partner who goes through the course of our existence with us because of a shared interest or common interest in the endeavour of life
  • 10. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com 3/13/2014 4:18 AM DIVINELY INSTITUTED  Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  King James Version (Red Letter)
  • 11. UNDERSTAND WHAT CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE IS AND WHAT ITS NOT By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 12. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com GOD’S INVITATION TO EVERY ONE
  • 13. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com MARRIAGE ORDAINED BY GOD  According to Scripture marriage is ordained by God as an intimate and permanent partnership between a man and a woman in which the two become one in the whole of life. The ideal is an active lifelong monogamous heterosexual relationship.  Sexual, emotional, physical and spiritual fulfillment are important goals of a marriage relationship that places God at its centre. Christian marriage is the ideal foundation for the birth and raising of children.  Some key biblical passages on marriage principles: Gen 1:26-28; 2:21-24; Mt 19:6; 1 Cor 7:1-40; 13:1-13; 2 Cor 6:14; Eph 5:21-33; 1 Th
  • 14. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com WHAT IS MARRIAGE?  a. Ordained by God  b. Must unconditionally be given time for enjoyment and nurture  c. True marriage attracts God’s favour  d. Indispensable for preservation of the human race  e. Jesus sees breaking marriage as a criminal act  f. Marriage is an antidote for sexual temptation  g. Marriage is not a sin. Marriage is the only thing that express complete oneness  i. Forbidding marriage is an act of the devil  j. No one should remain unmarried without a biblically acceptable reason  k. Desecrating marriage is tantamount to God’s judgment.
  • 15. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE OF MARRIAGE Biblical Framework for a God-pleasing marriage relationship When these principles are chosen by a husband and wife in harmony with their relationship as born again believers, this brings about a Biblical marriage. This is not a lopsided relationship (a relationship where one is more important than the other), but one that is in balance with the concept of Christ as the head of the man and the wife together. Therefore, the Biblical concept of marriage is a oneness between two individuals that is a picture of the oneness relationship of
  • 16. GOD CELEBRATES MARRIAGES  God celebrated the first marriage. Thus the institution has for its originator the Creator of the universe. "Marriage is honorable" (Hebrews 13:4); it was one of the first gifts of God to man, and it is one of the two institutions that, after the Fall, Adam brought with him beyond the gates of Paradise. When the divine principles are recognized and obeyed in this relation, marriage is a blessing; it guards the purity and happiness of the race, it provides for man‘s social needs, it elevates the physical, the intellectual, and the moral nature.  {PP 46.3} White, Ellen Gould: The Story of Patriarchs and Prophets as Illustrated in the Lives of Holy Men of Old; Conflict of the Ages Series, Volume 1; Patriarchs and Prophets. Pacific Press Publishing Association, 1890; 2002, S. 46
  • 17. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com  God has placed men in the world, and it is their privilege to eat, to drink, to trade, to marry, and to be given in marriage; but it is safe to do these things only in the fear of God. We should live in this world with reference to the eternal world. Many take upon themselves the sacred vows as thoughtlessly as they would enter into a business transaction; true love is not the motive for the alliance.  Messages to Young People, p. 456. Ellen G White 1930
  • 18. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com IS A HAPPY MARRIAGE POSSIBLE?  Sadly, so many enter marriage with no understanding, no preparation, no training and no idea of how to achieve a lifetime of happiness with their chosen partner. Many couples spend far more time planning for a one-day wedding than for the lifelong marriage that should follow it.  As a result, over half of all marriages fail, ending in divorce, often with former partners becoming mortal enemies! Other couples are just as unhappy, but perhaps cannot afford a divorce, or stay together only because of the children or other social or business reasons.
  • 19. Question 1 HAVE YOU FACED THE MYTHS OF MARRIAGE HONESTLY? By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 20. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com MYTH 1: WE EXPECT THE SAME THINGS FROM MARRIAGE  Unspoken Rules  Everyone lives by a set of rules that are rarely spoken but always known  Unconscious Roles  Just as actors in a dramatic performance follows a script, so do married couples
  • 21. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com MYTH 2: EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL GET BETTER  Each of us constructs an idealized image of the person we marry.  We need to realize that our marriage is not a source of constant roomance so that we can enjoy those moments of romance that come to us from time to time
  • 22. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com MYTH 3: EVERYTHING BAD IN MY LIFE WILL DISAPPEAR  Many people marry to escape from an unpleasant situation  Marriage usually does not heal the soul or massage the spirit  Marriage however, can become a powerful healing agent or environment for  Uncovering and  Resolving issues
  • 23. ENMESHED RELATIONSHIPS
  • 24. DISENGAGED RELATIONSHIPS
  • 25. INTERDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS
  • 26. INSTRUMENTAL ROLE OF FAMILIES Society Family Family Family
  • 27. MODERN EXPRESSIVE ROLE
  • 28. KNOW WHAT LOVE IS AND IS NOT By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 29. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com LOVE IS…
  • 30. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com WHAT IS LOVE?  A strong positive emotion of regard and affection  A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction  "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"  Any object of warm affection or devotion
  • 31. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com WHAT IS LOVE?  The very basic difference in real love and what is passed for love in our society is the truth that love is not a feeling, love is a decision, a commitment to a person.  There is a feeling associated with this commitment to another person. The emotion, on the other hand, may come and go depending upon the immediate circumstances.  That is why some people fall into and out of love as often as others of us change shirts.
  • 32. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com TWO CHRISTIAN PRAYING WHEN THEY SHOULD BE FLEEING.
  • 33. WHAT IS LOVE?  1Co 13:4 Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swollen head,  1Co 13:5 Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,  1Co 13:6 Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,  1Co 13:7 Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.  1Co 13:8 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.
  • 34. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE  Infatuation- loving feelings towards a another that are largely based upon fantasy and idealization (instead of experience). Often when partners get to know each other, infatuation diminishes.  Romantic Love- An abiding love for a partner with whom you feel passion, attraction, caring and respect.  Eros- a passionate love usually involving sexual feelings for a love interest.  Companionate Love- feelings of warmth towards a friend with whom you love to spend time
  • 35. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE Conditional Love- A love that requires specific action or conditions in order to be maintained. The love is based on outside conditions and when they do not occur, the love is withdrawn. Unconditional Love- A type of affection and caring that is so strong that you feel it consistently, regardless of what that other person does. This could also be called Agape Love
  • 36. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE *Agapē (ἀγάπη agápē) - Means "love" in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means"I love you".
  • 37. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE Puppy Love- A childish, innocent temporary crush on someone that you don‘t know well. Maternal Love- This term usually connotes love that is nurturing, accepting and protective. In actuality this love can also be given by a father, etc. Paternal Love- This term connotes love that involves guidance
  • 38. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE Spiritual/Divine Love- This type of love recognizes the Divine light in everyone and everything. Love of your country or patriotism- This is love for the place you live or the place that were born.
  • 39. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE  Self-Love- This is a positive feeling that you have about who you are and what you deserve.  Brotherly Love- This term connotes having a feeling of love for your neighbor, because all humanity is considered to be part of a larger family of human beings.  Tough Love- This term is used to describe a love that is expressed by setting boundaries for the good of the other person. They feel that this is an act of love because it stems from a desire for their son‘s ultimate good and happiness.
  • 40. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE Platonic love - this is the simplest of all types. There are no strings attached and no sexual intentions either.  Unrequited love - is a love filled with heartbreaks and one that almost all of us have experienced. It‘s the dreaded one sided love, where you like someone and you know that person will never like you back.  Storge Love - is often described as a comfortable old shoe relationship comprised of natural affection and a sense of belonging to each other. Many couples dwell in storge love for years and misunderstand it as mundane or
  • 41. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE  Obsessive love - is usually experienced by the novices who experience love for the first time, probably after having to deal with the scary unrequited love. Obsessive lovers are scared, insecure, and obviously obsessive about the relationship.  Selfish love - is smart. And though it involves two people to create that relationship, selfish love also involves two people who are in love with one person. Your partner loves
  • 42. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com  Unconditional love - Blessed are the lovers who experience this special type of love for each other. It‘s not easy and it‘s definitely not something most people even want to try. Do you love someone more than you love yourself?  Phileo love - This cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved but it expects a response. It is a love of relationship, comradeship, sharing, communication and friendship. They share each other‘s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams.SOME TYPES OF LOVE
  • 43. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOME TYPES OF LOVE  Crushes - Ever had a crush on someone? The first crush is a memorable experience, one that‘s filled with confusing jolts in the stomach, sudden urges to throw up and a stupid sense of grinning satisfaction each time you see your crush  Limerence - Limerence, on the other hand, is rather close to a crush but much more intense and ―weird‖. Have you ever liked someone madly, but didn‘t ever want to express your love for them, like a school teacher or an actor, or even a crush?
  • 44. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 45. What is the difference? LOVE VERSUS INFATUATION By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 46. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND INFATUATION  Infatuation Leaps Into Bloom.  Infatuation Is Accompanied By A Sense Of Uncertainty.  Infatuation takes your focus from Jesus  Infatuation Lacks Confidence.  Love Leads You Up.  Where is the focus of your heart? Is it on the Lord Jesus or is it on popularity? Is it on acceptance by the crowd or the "well done" of the Lord Jesus? Examine your own heart carefully and in light of scripture. Where is the Focus of your Heart?
  • 47. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com GOD SAYS “NO WAY!” TO THESE THINGS Fornication Adultery Loose talk Indecent Bawdy jokes Incest Masturbation
  • 48. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com GODLY YOUNG PEOPLE ARE SAYING NO TO PREMARITAL SEX
  • 49. KNOW YOURSELF By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 50. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com KNOW YOURSELF  Your Background  Physical Attributes, Career, Health, Finance, Family, Religion, Background  Your Personal Character And Values  Honesty  Faithfulness  Hardwork  Wealth  Your Dislikes  About Yourself  How You Feel About  Children  Touching  Godly Living  Talking
  • 51. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THIS DETERMINES WHAT YOU EXPECT  What Do You Expect Him To Be  Christian  Tall,  Athletically Built,  Sensitive,  Affectionate,  Stockbroker,  Nurse,  Wont be angry forever  What Do Expect Her To Be  Christian  Figure-eight,  Gentle,  Artist,  Empathetic,  Hardworking  Homemaker  Considerate
  • 52. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com YOUR PAST  Any past relationships?  What lessons?  What made you appreciate them?  Any role models of the opposite sex?  What do you admire about them  What have you learned from them  What about people you dislike?
  • 53. KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR ACCORDING TO PROVERBS By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 54. THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GOOD FRIEND By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 55. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GOOD FRIEND  1. A GOOD FRIEND IS FAITHFUL. Prov 14:20; 19:4,6,7). brother is born for adversity (17:17)(18:24)(27:10).  2. A GOOD FRIEND REBUKES US WHEN NECESSARY. There are things which may need to be said to a friend that are not easy to say. IA true friend is the one who is honest enough to tell us what we need to hear, rather than to flatter us.(29:5).  Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (27:5-6).  Why is it, then, that we seem to think that a wife should never criticize her husband? Is it not better to be corrected by our closest friend than by an enemy? Sometimes the kindest thing a wife can do for her husband is to tell him that his idea is absolutely ridiculous--in a gracious way, of course.  3. A GOOD FRIEND IS THOUGHTFUL AND TACTFUL. A good friend is sensitive to our needs and speaks in such a way that we are encouraged and enriched. His sensitivity is demonstrated in his understanding that gaiety and goodwill is not always appropriate nor appreciated. ―It matters not only ‗what‘ we say, but ‗how,‘ ‗when‘ and ‗why‘ we say it.‖34 (25:20) (27:14).
  • 56. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GOOD FRIEND  4. A GOOD FRIEND SHARPENS US. Not only do we need to be criticized when necessary, but sometimes we need to be probed or stretched in our thinking. A good friend does not allow us to become intellectually stagnant, but prods us on to higher and greater thoughts.  Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another (27:17) (20:5).  Isn‘t this true to life? Don‘t you seek to develop friendships with those who will challenge your thinking and present you with new avenues of thought? Why should one of these friends not be your mate?  5. A GOOD FRIEND OFFERS US WISE COUNSEL. Those whom we choose as friends should be marked by wisdom and thus have godly counsel to offer.  Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man‘s counsel is sweet to his friend (27:9).  David, Nabal, and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25.
  • 57. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A BAD FRIEND  We should shun the following  1. WE OUGHT NOT ASSOCIATE WITH A FOOL.  He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm (13:20).  Leave the presence of a fool, Or you will not discern words of knowledge (14:7).  2. WE OUGHT NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE AN UNCONTROLLABLE TEMPER.  Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot- tempered man, Lest you learn his ways, And find a snare for yourself (22:24-25).  3. WE SHOULD NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THOSE WHO ARE EVIL:  Do not be envious of evil men, Nor desire to be with them; For their minds devise violence, And their lips talk of trouble (24:1-2).  He who is a partner with a thief hates his own life; He hears the oath but tells nothing (29:24).
  • 58. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GOOD FRIEND  4. WE SHOULD NOT ASSOCIATE WITH ONE WHO IS A REVOLUTIONARY.  My son, fear the Lord and the king; Do not associate with those who are given to change; For their calamity will rise suddenly, And who knows the ruin that comes from both of them? (24:21-22)  There are some who are always out to change things-- society, government, other people. It is not wrong to try to improve things, but the revolutionary is more bent on removing than improving. The revolutionary wants change for the sake of change, not change for the sake of improvement. Incidentally, some seem bent on finding a mate who needs improving--a sort of life-long project. Proverbs does not recommend it.  5. WE SHOULD NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEIR APPETITES.  He who keeps the law is a discerning son, But he who is a
  • 59. THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GODLY WIFE By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 60. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GODLY WIFE  1. A GODLY WIFE IS GODLY. Godliness begins with a proper relationship to God. A godly wife is, first and foremost, a woman who fears God.  Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised (31:30).  In contrast, the woman to avoid is the one who does not know or fear God. She is sometimes referred to as a ―strange woman,‖ that is a foreigner, one who has no knowledge of the God of Israel (cf. 2:25; 5:3,20; 7:5) 5:6).  To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress (6:24).(12:4; 31:10).  2. A GODLY WIFE IS WISE. You will recall that wisdom is personified as a woman in the Book of Proverbs (cf. 1:20-33; 8:1-36; 9:1-6). So also the ideal wife is characterized as a woman of wisdom.  The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands (14:1).  She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (31:26).  The opposite of the godly woman is the woman of folly.  The woman of folly is boisterous, She is naive, and knows nothing (9:13).  As a ring of gold in a swine‘s snout, So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion (11:22).
  • 61. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GODLY WIFE  3. A GODLY WIFE HONORS HER HUSBAND. A man who has married a godly wife has a wife who will bring honor to him. She is truly a helper to her husband.  An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones (12:4).  The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack, of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life (31:11-12).  An ungodly wife humiliates and harasses her husband. She is not a helper but a hindrance to her mate. She is ―as rottenness in his bones‖ (12:4). By her haranguing, she makes him miserable: (19:13).  4. A GODLY WIFE IS GRACIOUS. One reason honor is given the godly woman is that she is known for her graciousness.  A gracious woman attains honor, And violent men attain riches (11:16).  The ungodly woman is spoken of in very unbecoming terms. She is vexing, due to her contentious nature:  It is better to live in a corner of a roof, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman (21:9; cf. 25:24)(21:19).
  • 62. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF A GODLY WIFE  5. A GODLY WIFE IS FAITHFUL TO HER HUSBAND. This is most clearly shown by contrast with the woman of folly who is an adulteress.  To deliver you from the strange woman, From the adulteress who flatters with her words; That leaves the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God (2:16-17).  To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress (6:24).  ―Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with caresses For the man is not at home. . . ‖ (7:18-19).  While it is not stated explicitly, it is implied and assumed that a godly wife is one who maintains sexual purity. She is a woman who is virtuous or excellent (31:10), in whom her husband has complete trust (31:11). She does her husband only good and not evil (31:12).She teaches her son the
  • 63. THE QUALITIES OF A GODLY HUSBAND By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 64. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE QUALITIES OF A GODLY HUSBAND  1. A wise husband is kind and compassionate (12:10).  2. A wise husband is honest (29:24).  3. A wise husband is hard-working (12:11; 27:23-27).  4. A wise husband is truthful (12:17,19).  5. A wise husband exercises self-control (12:15; 16:32).  6. A wise husband has a gentle tongue (12:18; 15:1-2,4).  7. A wise husband is generous (14:21; 28:27).
  • 65. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE QUALITIES OF A GODLY HUSBAND  8. A wise husband is willing to be corrected (even by his wife) and listens to counsel (12:15; 15:12,31-32; 28:13; 29:1).  9. A wise husband is a man of integrity (19:1; 20:7).  10. A wise husband is faithful and reliable (17:17; 29:3; contrast 25:19; 31:3).  11. A wise husband is forgiving (19:11).  12. A wise husband is willing to admit he is wrong (28:13).  13. A wise husband is humble (15:25,33; 16:18-19; 18:12; 29:23).  14. A wise husband is not contentious, but a peacemaker (17:1; 18:1,19).
  • 66. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THE QUALITIES OF A GODLY HUSBAND  15. A wise husband has control of his temper (14:29; 16:32; 17:27; 29:11).  16. A wise husband is a man who avoids excesses (20:1; 23:20-21, 29-35; 31:3-9).  17. A wise husband has a concern for others, especially the poor and the oppressed (29:7).  18. A wise husband can keep a confidence (17:9; 26:20).  19. A wise husband fears God and is obedient to His Word (13:13; 14:26; 16:20; 28:25; 31:30).  20. A wise husband is not a jealous man (27:4).  21. A The wise husband has a positive outlook on life (15:15; 17:22; 18:14).
  • 67. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com A FEW OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS  A person who is hard working and persistent is likely to be financially well off or well on their way to it.  A person who has strong moral values is likely to be spiritual.  A person who is dogmatic and traditional may be religious.  A man who can make more than his wife can spend will have a happy marriage  A woman who can doctor her expectations to meet with her husband‘s capabilities with have a
  • 68. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com A FEW OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS – WHAT QUALITIES SHOULD YOUR PARTNER HAVE?  Persistence?  Industriousness?  Compassion?  Affection?  Determination?  Honesty?  High Integrity?  Sensuality?  Sexuality?  Self-discipline?  Which of these is most important?  Vivaciousness?  Out-going?  Intelligence?  Wit?  Worldliness?  Knowledge?  Conversant?  Sociable?  Entertaining?  Loyal  Which of these is most important? In what order of importance?
  • 69. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com CONSIDER WHAT HE/SHE MUST NOT HAVE  Dishonesty?  Lack of integrity?  Laziness?  Social ineptitude?  Disorderliness?  Indiscipline?  Infidelity?
  • 70. KNOW WHERE TO LOOK By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 71. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SOCIAL NETWORKS OFFLINE  At school  At church  At work  At play
  • 72. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORKS  Face Book  Yahoo Mail And Chat Rooms  Online Groups  These also abound with scammers and 419ers. So seeing is believing
  • 73. WHEN YOU FIND WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
  • 74. APPLICATION  Society thinks women should not be the one to approach first  Men should approach wisely  Don‘t be brash, proud, or timid  Strike the iron when it is hot  If at first you don‘t succeed, try again  Accept defeat early
  • 75. THE RELATIONSHIP  Make haste slowly  Watch out for a woman who offers her body  Watch out for a man who pressures you for sex  Be as independent as you can as a woman  Be as courteous as you can as a man  Consider the other person‘s challenges
  • 76. A FEW QUESTIONS TO ASK  Does this relationship help me do what God wants me to do?  Do his/her people like me, manage me, accept me or hate me  Do I feel proud to introduce him/her?
  • 77. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com CAN YOU TRUST YOUR JUDGEMENT?  You can trust the following:  God  Yourself  Your loving concerned parents  Any wise, Christian married older person you have learned to trust over the years. For balance you can check with someone of the opposite sex too.  An age mate who worships with you and who can be trusted
  • 78. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com  All in all the buck finally stops with you but you must be considerate when making your final decision.  Consider your family  Consider your fiancé(e)‘s family  Statements made by well meaning individuals including your parents.  In Africa, we don‘t marry individuals – we marry whole families and communities.
  • 79. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com CAVEAT EMPTOR  A person‘s relationship with their parent of the opposite sex usually transfers to their spouse. This is true for a lot of couples. If its good, you‘ll enjoy.  If the family does not accept you at the outset, doesn‘t change as the relationship progresses, expect it to get progressively worse with time. Sometimes it may even seem that your spouse has joined their family against you.  If your fiancé(e)‘s past is not clear, get to know. Avoid pleasant or unpleasant surprises in the
  • 80. IN ANY CASE, IT SEEMS MORE ADVANTAGEOUS TO MARRY AN OLD FRIEND WHO IS NOT AFRAID TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES WITH YOU THAN TO MARRY A NEW AMOROUS INTEREST. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com
  • 81. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com SORRY IF I HURT YOU…  However unpleasant some of the information given above may seem, please keep in mind the following:  They are provided to help thoroughly furnish you unto all good works in your marriage  The potential pitfalls in relationships can be avoided  If you ignore the stops then you should know what to expect.  There is no perfect marriage anywhere under this sun  However, taking precautions increases the
  • 82. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com WHICH OF THESE COUPLES ARE MATCHED AND WHICH ARE MATED? HOW DO YOU KNOW? Finally there must be An Urge on the Verge of a Merge. At the end of the day the two of you must be MATCHED and just not MATED.
  • 83. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. ANY QUESTIONS? May you have a successful search that results in a satisfying match. Thank you very much.
  • 84. By Pr. Charles N. E. Amoah, nana.amoah@gmail.com