“ I have one thing that’s not negotiable. I demand that we meet your interests. The reason we need to meet your interests is that if we don’t meet your interests, you won’t meet mine. And I’m a real selfish guy…I want my interests met.”
Bob Woolf, late great Sports Agent and Negotiator
A negotiation is…
An attempt to influence or persuade someone to think or act differently:
At least two parties
Making decisions about
Without knowing the outcome in advance
If satisfying your interests involves working through or with another person (who may have different interests), you are in a negotiating situation
from Moshe Cohen
Dispute Resolution Spectrum Party Control Third Party Control Negotiate Mediate Arbitrate Litigate
Negotiating Styles Concern for Other person Concern for self Avoiding Compromising Competing Distributive “ Win-lose” Integrative Collaborating Problem solving ”win-win” Yielding/ Accomodating High Low Low High Assertion
We raced to the gate for our flight to Paris having just arrived on a connecting flight; the plane was there but the gate was shut; the agents were sorting tickets; they had already retracted the hood connecting the jetway to the airplane door.
“ Hi, we’re on this flight,” …..“Sorry,” said the agent. “We’re done boarding”
“ But our connecting flight landed just ten minutes ago. They promised us they would call ahead to the gate.
“ Sorry but we can’t board anyone after they’ve closed the door.”
My sister and I walked to the window in disbelief. Our long weekend was about to fall to pieces. The plane was right before our eyes. The guy with the lighted batons was walking onto the tarmac.
I thought for a few seconds. Then I led my sister to the center of the window right in front of the cockpit; we stood there, in plain sight, my entire being focused on the pilot, hoping to catch his eye.
One of the pilots looked up. He saw us standing forlornly in the window; I looked him in the eye, plaintively, pleadingly. I let my bags slump by my feet. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity; finally the pilot’s lips moved and the other pilot looked up; I caught his eye, as well, and he nodded.
We heard the gate agent’s phone ring; she turned to us…”grab your stuff,” she said, “the pilot said to let you on.” Our vacations restored , we clutched each other joyously, snatched our bags, waved to the pilots, and tumbled down the jetway to the plane.
This is a mostly non-verbal negotiation, but done in consciously structured and effective way
Be dispassionate; emotion destroys negotiations; be calm
Prepare, even if for seconds; collect your thoughts
Find the decision maker; gate agent wouldn’t change policy
Focus on goals, not on who is right; proving you were right of little use here
Make human contact; people are everything
Acknowledge the other party’s position and power, valuing them
Points to remember
At various times we use all the styles at different times (depending on your skill, the situation, experience)
Be aware of your “default” style; we tend to rely on one style more than others
Each approach has a time and place; know when
Try to get a sense of your counterpart’s style
Think about how the two styles interact
When we use each stle
Competing : when quick action needed, when unpopular actions needed; when you know you are right; to protect yourself from others who might take advantage of you
Accommodating: when you know you are wrong; when issue more important to other; to build social credit; preserve harmony; help other learn by experience
Avoiding: when you need more time; when potential damage outweighs benefits of resolution; when issue is trivial to you; allows others to cool down
When a style might be used
Collaborating : when both sides’ interests are too important to be compromised or overridden; to gain commitment; create value, make pie bigger, to learn
Compromise : when goals are moderately important but not worth effort to be more assertive; when two sides committed to mutually exclusive goals; when collaboration fails; expediency
Tendency when faced with conflict
Competing : likes to take charge, win, willing to lead, force; willing to sacrifice relationship
Accommodating/ Yielding: sensitive to feelings of others; wants to be supportive; prefers to maintain relationship
Avoiding: dislikes conflict; reluctant to get too involved in conflict
Collaborating : problem focused; likes being creative, likes working with opposing side
Compromising: focuses on fairness; enjoys sharing; doesn’t want to appear selfish or too one sided
We will focus on
Integrative (win-win, cooperative, problem Solving, creating value)