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Love, Sex, Dating
 

Love, Sex, Dating

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A short trip from what seems like romance and expected dating script toward intimate partner violence.

A short trip from what seems like romance and expected dating script toward intimate partner violence.

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Love, Sex, Dating Love, Sex, Dating Presentation Transcript

  • Love, Sex, Dating
  • Stereotypes Gender stereotypes are networks or schemas of related beliefs that reflect the common wisdom about men and women.
  • Schemas Schemas are the network of associations around a group that guides people as they experience the world around them
  • Scripts Scripts are acts recognized by a particular group, the rules or guidelines for a expected behavior and the expected
  • How Do We Get These? • History • Social Class • Ethnic Group • Religion • Gender
  • Why? Decreased anxiety of appropriate behavior in pursuit of a positive social outcome Is there a social scenario that lends great pressure to be
  • Dating
  • On the First Date Women… • Assume the subordinate role • Be alluring • Facilitate conversation • Limit sexual activity
  • On the First Date Men… • Initiate the date • Plan the date • Pay for the date • Be the sexual
  • A Double Bind Token Resistance, says no but intends to have sex Males learn that no doesn’t really mean no If a woman acts other than expected role she is condemned Lilith
  • Romance Novels
  • Romance Novels • According to publisher’s survey’s, romance novels are read by almost 40 million women in the U.S. • Romance novels aimed at adolescents have been sold in book clubs since the 80’s.
  • A predictable script is the cold-hearted rogue who is patronizing and at times even brutal, who, through the transformative power of woman, is transformed into a sensitive, loving,
  • What is Love?
  • What is Stalking?
  • Gender Differences in Stalking Related Behaviors Some studies show gender differences in stalking behavior, some studies show that behaviors are equivocal. Where gender differences do exist, they are usually found in studies assessing specific types of stalking-related behaviors. Females Males Perform acts of Perform more approach surveillance or make or courtship behaviors indirect contact with the and persist longer in love interest by way of their efforts (seeming) serendipity
  • Pre-Stalking Behaviors Western culture emphasizes hard work, determination, and reward for persistence. Dating Scripts involve approach behaviors, persistence, and romantic ideation. Individuals on receiving end may interpret behavior as flattering and
  • Violence Minor acts of violence and threats may not be viewed as harmful or threatening in the beginning stages. Acts of violence increases intimacy. When threatened with the demise of a romantic relationship, men and women, seem to perform the behaviors that had demonstrated “success” during courtship
  • Domestic Violence “A pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to control and subordinate another in an intimate relationship. These behaviors include physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. Tactics of coercion, terrorism, degradation, exploitation, and violence are used to engender fear in the victim in order to enforce compliance.”
  • Domestic Violence • 20-25% of adult women in the U.S. have been physically abused at least once by a male partner. • between 3-4 million women are physically abused in America every year, one women being abused every 8 to 10 ½ seconds. • Nearly three-quarters of the intimate violence committed by women is done in self-defense. • A third of women who are killed are murdered by their husband or boyfriend.
  • Some Controlling Behaviors • Insincere agreeing • Getting the last word • Bringing up the past • Micromanaging • Blowing up/going off • Over protective (“for the deep end your own good”) • Repeated correcting/ • Manipulating negating • Rhetorical questions • Dismissive sounds • Sarcasm (e.g. ‘tsk’, sighs) • Silent treatment • Playing the expert • Talking for someone • Hanging up on them • Whining • Inappropriate humor • Withholding sex/ • Interrupting affection • Interrupting
  • Physical & Sexual Violence Equality & Nonviolence • Using Intimidation – • Non-Threatening Making her afraid by Behavior – Taking and acting so that she feels using looks, actions & safe and comfortable gestures expressing herself and doing things. • Using Emotional Abuse • Respect – Listening to her – Making her think non-judgmentally, she’s crazy, name valuing her opinions & calling, & feel bad about being emotionally affirming and herself. understanding. • Using Isolation – • Trust & Support – Controlling what she Supporting her goals in life, and respecting her does, who she sees, & right to her own feelings, who she talks to. friends, activities, & opinions. • Minimizing, Denying, & • Honesty & Accountability Blaming – Making light – Accepting, responsibility
  • Physical & Sexual Violence Equality & Nonviolence • Using Children – Making • Responsible Parenting – her feel guilty about the Sharing parental children & threatening to responsibilities & being a take away the children. positive, non-violent role model for the children. • Using Male Privilege – • Shared Responsibility – Treating her as a servant, Mutually agreeing on a being the one to define fair distribution of work & men’s and women’s roles, making family decisions & making the decisions. together. • Using Economic Abuse – • Economic Partnership – Preventing her from Making sure both getting or keeping a job & partners benefit from giving her an allowance. financial arrangements & making money decisions • Using Coercion & Threats together. – Making and/or carrying • Negotiation & Fairness – out threats to leave her, Accepting change, hurt her, to commit willingness to suicide, & do illegal compromise & seeking
  • Why Some Men Batter • Psychopathology – Typically batters exhibit traits of personality disorders, specifically borderline and antisocial personality disorders. • Social Learning Theory – Through childhood experience batters learn violent behavior. • Biological – Battering behavior can be a result of head injuries, childhood trauma, or heredity factors. • Systems – The family systems model assesses the family has a whole, and some partially blame the victim. • Feminist Theory – Male power, female
  • Koss and Oros (1982) found that in their sample of college men: • 23% reported obtaining sexual intercourse by threatening to end the relationship • 20% reported using some degree of physical force to obtain sex acts • 3% reported having used physical force to obtain intercourse.
  • Women and Coercion While the research on male aggressors in intimate relationships is fairly extensive, the research examining female aggressors is more limited. However, contrary to initial stereotypes of men as aggressors and women as victims, there is evidence suggesting that women are
  • Empowerment • Portland Women's Crisis Line 503.235.5333 • Women's Wellness 503.325.2400 • Basic Rights Oregon 503.222.6151 • Raphael House 503.222.6222 • Bradley-Angle House 503.281.2442 • PSU Women's Resource Center 503.725.5672
  • Signs of a Healthy Relationship • Equality • Openness • Trust • Freedom to be yourself • Fun together and apart • Sexuality