, Infantry instructor, domestic violence group facilitator, military culture consultant, reintegration team area manager, resiliency trainer (Army)
at Oregon National Guard, Joint Transition Assistance Program, Combat And Domestic Readjustment Education (a combat PTSD DV group)
Gender Differences in Stalking Related Behaviors Some studies show gender differences in stalking behavior, some studies show that behaviors are equivocal. Where gender differences do exist, they are usually found in studies assessing specific types of stalking-related behaviors. Females Males Perform acts of surveillance or make indirect contact with the love interest by way of (seeming) serendipity Perform more approach or courtship behaviors and persist longer in their efforts
Pre-Stalking Behaviors Western culture emphasizes hard work, determination, and reward for persistence. Dating Scripts involve approach behaviors, persistence, and romantic ideation. Individuals on receiving end may interpret behavior as flattering and return the affection.
Violence Minor acts of violence and threats may not be viewed as harmful or threatening in the beginning stages. Acts of violence increases intimacy. When threatened with the demise of a romantic relationship, men and women, seem to perform the behaviors that had demonstrated “success” during courtship in an attempt to reestablish the dating relationship.
Domestic Violence Defined “A pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to control and subordinate another in an intimate relationship. These behaviors include physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. Tactics of coercion, terrorism, degradation, exploitation, and violence are used to engender fear in the victim in order to enforce compliance.”
Domestic Violence 20-25% of adult women in the U.S. have been physically abused at least once by a male partner. between 3-4 million women are physically abused in America every year, one women being abused every 8 to 10 ½ seconds. Nearly three-quarters of the intimate violence committed by women is done in self-defense. A third of women who are killed are murdered by their husband or boyfriend. Men commit about 90% of all violent crimes against a spouse or ex-spouse.
Some Controlling Behaviors Insincere agreeing Bringing up the past Blowing up/going off the deep end Repeated correcting/negating Dismissive sounds (e.g. ‘tsk’, sighs) Playing the expert Hanging up on them Inappropriate humor Interrupting Getting the last word Micromanaging Over protective (“for your own good”) Manipulating Rhetorical questions Sarcasm Silent treatment Talking for someone Whining Withholding sex/affection Interrupting
Physical & Sexual Violence Equality & Nonviolence Using Intimidation – Making her afraid by using looks, actions & gestures Using Emotional Abuse – Making her think she’s crazy, name calling, & feel bad about herself. Using Isolation – Controlling what she does, who she sees, & who she talks to. Minimizing, Denying, & Blaming – Making light of the abuse & not taking her concerns about it seriously. Non-Threatening Behavior – Taking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things. Respect – Listening to her non-judgmentally, valuing her opinions & being emotionally affirming and understanding. Trust & Support – Supporting her goals in life, and respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities, & opinions. Honesty & Accountability – Accepting, responsibility for self, acknowledging past use of violence, admitting being wrong & communicating openly and truthfully.
Physical & Sexual Violence Equality & Nonviolence Using Children – Making her feel guilty about the children & threatening to take away the children. Using Male Privilege – Treating her as a servant, being the one to define men’s and women’s roles, & making the decisions. Using Economic Abuse – Preventing her from getting or keeping a job & giving her an allowance. Using Coercion & Threats – Making and/or carrying out threats to leave her, hurt her, to commit suicide, & do illegal things. Responsible Parenting – Sharing parental responsibilities & being a positive, non-violent role model for the children. Shared Responsibility – Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work & making family decisions together. Economic Partnership – Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements & making money decisions together. Negotiation & Fairness – Accepting change, willingness to compromise & seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict.
Why Some Men Batter Psychopathology – Typically batters exhibit traits of personality disorders, specifically borderline and antisocial personality disorders. Social Learning Theory – Through childhood experience batters learn violent behavior. Biological – Battering behavior can be a result of head injuries, childhood trauma, or heredity factors. Systems – The family systems model assesses the family has a whole, and some partially blame the victim. Feminist Theory – Male power, female submission, and inequities supported in our patriarchal society can result in intimate partner violence.
Koss and Oros (1982) found that in their sample of college men 23% reported obtaining sexual intercourse by threatening to end the relationship 20% reported using some degree of physical force to obtain sex acts 3% reported having used physical force to obtain intercourse.”
Women and Coercion While the research on male aggressors in intimate relationships is fairly extensive, the research examining female aggressors is more limited. However, contrary to initial stereotypes of men as aggressors and women as victims, there is evidence suggesting that women are also coercive in intimate relationships
Empowerment Portland Women's Crisis Line 503.235.5333 Women's Wellness 503.325.2400 Basic Rights Oregon503.222.6151 Raphael House 503.222.6222 Bradley-Angle House 503.281.2442 PSU Women's Resource Center 503.725.5672
Signs of a Healthy Relationship Equality Openness Trust Freedom to be yourself Fun together and apart Sexuality