Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Communication
Ed Batista
@ Bloomberg SF
October 7, 2013
Photo:SethAnderson
Executive coach
Instructor @ Stanford GSB
www.edbatista.com
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
Who am...
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we
1:1 communication
Group norms
You as partners and role models
going?
Startups as
human systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Complex group dynamics
Communication = survival
Feedback = lear...
Founder as avatar
Founder as avatar
Avatara
The ideal made real
Company made in your image
Concepts #1
The headline
Social threat
SCARF model
Relationships
The net
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
The headline
Feedback is stressful
So criticize with skill
& give more (heartfelt) praise
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
Threat response
Photo by William Warby [link]
Threat response
aka “Fight or flight”
Physiological signs?
Emotional signs?
Photo by William Warby [link]
Threat response
Cognitive impairment…
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
Photo by William Warby [link]
Social threat
Photo by David Sim [link]
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Social threat
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF model
David Rock
What social situations
trigger a threat
response?
Read
More
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
Read
More
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
SCARF model
& feedbackThreat to…
Status?
Certainty?
Autonomy?
Relatedness?
Fairness?
Use the model
When giving feedback…
Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize autonomy
Build the relationship*
Pl...
Use the model
When getting feedback…
Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful relationships?
Read
More
Relationships
Feeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Mutual influence
Responding to “bids”
5:1 positive to negative
“Emotional bank account”
Relationships
& conflict
Founder as avatar
Think about your partner
How’s your emotional bank account?
What are you doing to build the relationship?
Fairness
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
David Bradford
How can we avoid triggering defensiveness?
Read
More
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
My behavior…
Actions
Statements
Non-Verbals
Needs
Motives
Intentions
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
The net
Me and my… You a...
The net
Stay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
Don’t guess at motives
Minimize socia...
Founder as avatar
Think about your partner
When do you cross their net?
When do they cross yours?
Concepts #2
Emotional intelligence & groups
Talking about feelings
Group norms
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
EQ and groups
Why care?
Effective teams
Participation, cooperation, collaboration
Can’t mandate behavior
Read
More
Photo b...
EQ and groups
Essential conditions…
Mutual trust
Group identity (feeling of belonging)
Group efficacy (belief in value of ...
EQ and groups
Individual EQ
Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ suppression)
Inward (one’s own emotions)
Outward (ot...
EQ and groups
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotion
Help regulate...
Founder as avatar
Your behavior = company norms
How aware are you of your emotions?
How well do you regulate your emotions?
Talking about
Affect labeling
Amygdala
Talking disrupts negative emotion
Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion
fe...
Talking about
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
Group norms
Norms define what’s normative
Can we talk about feelings here?
Overco...
Our norms
Photo by jm3 [link]
Our norms
Photo by jm3 [link]
Consider company norms
Create awareness of emotions
Help regulate emotions
Read
More
We never… We always…
1. Spend time getting to know
others personally.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
3. Share thoughts and emotions
with others in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
4. Ask others who have been quiet
in a discussion what they think.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
5. Fully explore others’ resistance
to our decisions.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate
our own effectiveness.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling
in the group in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
1. Have clear ground rules for productive
behavior in meetings.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
2. Call out behavior that violates
those ground rules.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
3. Express acceptance of
others’ emotions.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions they generate.
Norms that help
...
We never… We always…
5. Use playfulness to acknowledge
and relieve stress.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
6. Express optimism about
the team’s capabilities.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
7. Provide others with positive
feedback in the moment.
Norms that help
regulate
Our norms
What norms do you have?
What norms do you need?
What can you do as leaders?
Photo by jm3 [link]
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Concepts #3
Positive feedback
Mindset
Soft start
Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
Positive feedback
A paradox
So important
So often ineffective
What’s wrong?
Positive feedback
We may not trust it
We may even resent it
We often praise the wrong things
Read
More
Positive feedback
Don’t praise to buffer criticism
Use a soft start*
Positive feedback
Don’t praise to overcome resistance
Use other influence tactics
Positive feedback
Don’t praise ability
Praise effort and persistence
Carol Dweck
How do we feel about our abilities?
How do we feel about our mistakes?
Mindset
Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link...
Talent & intelligence
are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or
character flaws
Negative emotional
response to mistakes...
Soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
Soft start
Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
Like this
Soft start
Begin with positive intent
(But no bullshit)
Emphasize mutual goals
Be aware of our own stress
Read
More
1:1 feedback
Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 feedback
When getting feedback…
Observe your threat response
Do you want to ask for specific feedback?
Photo by Ana Ka...
1:1 feedback
Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
When giving feedback…
Positive feedback encouraged
When criticizing, stay on you...
Closing
Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
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Startup Communication, Oct 2013

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Condensed slides from a workshop aimed at helping startup co-founders 1) communicate more effectively with each other, 2) establish group norms in the company that support better communication and 3) model better communication with employees.

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Transcript of "Startup Communication, Oct 2013"

  1. 1. Startup Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Communication Ed Batista @ Bloomberg SF October 7, 2013
  2. 2. Photo:SethAnderson Executive coach Instructor @ Stanford GSB www.edbatista.com HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees Who am I?
  3. 3. Photo by Alex Eflon [link] Where are we 1:1 communication Group norms You as partners and role models going?
  4. 4. Startups as human systems Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Complex group dynamics Communication = survival Feedback = learning Relationships matter Leaders as levers
  5. 5. Founder as avatar
  6. 6. Founder as avatar Avatara The ideal made real Company made in your image
  7. 7. Concepts #1 The headline Social threat SCARF model Relationships The net Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  8. 8. The headline Feedback is stressful So criticize with skill & give more (heartfelt) praise Photo by Garry Knight [link]
  9. 9. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
  10. 10. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat
  11. 11. Threat response Photo by William Warby [link]
  12. 12. Threat response aka “Fight or flight” Physiological signs? Emotional signs? Photo by William Warby [link]
  13. 13. Threat response Cognitive impairment… Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by William Warby [link]
  14. 14. Social threat Photo by David Sim [link]
  15. 15. Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Social threat
  16. 16. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? Read More
  17. 17. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Read More
  18. 18. Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] SCARF model & feedbackThreat to… Status? Certainty? Autonomy? Relatedness? Fairness?
  19. 19. Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair*
  20. 20. Use the model When getting feedback… Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
  21. 21. Photo by Harsha KR [link] Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships? Read More
  22. 22. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Mutual influence Responding to “bids”
  23. 23. 5:1 positive to negative “Emotional bank account” Relationships & conflict
  24. 24. Founder as avatar Think about your partner How’s your emotional bank account? What are you doing to build the relationship?
  25. 25. Fairness Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  26. 26. The net David Bradford How can we avoid triggering defensiveness? Read More Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  27. 27. My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Feelings Reactions Responses The net Me and my… You and your… Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  28. 28. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response Don’t guess at motives Minimize social threat Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  29. 29. Founder as avatar Think about your partner When do you cross their net? When do they cross yours?
  30. 30. Concepts #2 Emotional intelligence & groups Talking about feelings Group norms Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  31. 31. EQ and groups Why care? Effective teams Participation, cooperation, collaboration Can’t mandate behavior Read More Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  32. 32. EQ and groups Essential conditions… Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Strongly affected by group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  33. 33. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ suppression) Inward (one’s own emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  34. 34. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotion Help regulate emotion Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  35. 35. Founder as avatar Your behavior = company norms How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions?
  36. 36. Talking about Affect labeling Amygdala Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link] Read More
  37. 37. Talking about Photo by Andrew Yee [link] Group norms Norms define what’s normative Can we talk about feelings here? Overcome embarrassment/shame feelings
  38. 38. Our norms Photo by jm3 [link]
  39. 39. Our norms Photo by jm3 [link] Consider company norms Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions Read More
  40. 40. We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know others personally. Norms that create awareness
  41. 41. We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that create awareness
  42. 42. We never… We always… 3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  43. 43. We never… We always… 4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that create awareness
  44. 44. We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions. Norms that create awareness
  45. 45. We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness. Norms that create awareness
  46. 46. We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  47. 47. We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that help regulate
  48. 48. We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules. Norms that help regulate
  49. 49. We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions. Norms that help regulate
  50. 50. We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate. Norms that help regulate
  51. 51. We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress. Norms that help regulate
  52. 52. We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities. Norms that help regulate
  53. 53. We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment. Norms that help regulate
  54. 54. Our norms What norms do you have? What norms do you need? What can you do as leaders? Photo by jm3 [link]
  55. 55. Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] Concepts #3 Positive feedback Mindset Soft start
  56. 56. Photo by Aaron Matthews [link] Positive feedback A paradox So important So often ineffective What’s wrong?
  57. 57. Positive feedback We may not trust it We may even resent it We often praise the wrong things Read More
  58. 58. Positive feedback Don’t praise to buffer criticism Use a soft start*
  59. 59. Positive feedback Don’t praise to overcome resistance Use other influence tactics
  60. 60. Positive feedback Don’t praise ability Praise effort and persistence
  61. 61. Carol Dweck How do we feel about our abilities? How do we feel about our mistakes? Mindset Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link] Read More
  62. 62. Talent & intelligence are inherent traits Mistakes are failures or character flaws Negative emotional response to mistakes Talent & intelligence can be developed Mistakes are learning opportunities Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more Fixed Growth Mindset Read More
  63. 63. Soft start Photo by Phil McElhinney [link] Not like this
  64. 64. Soft start Photo by OakleyOriginals [link] Like this
  65. 65. Soft start Begin with positive intent (But no bullshit) Emphasize mutual goals Be aware of our own stress Read More
  66. 66. 1:1 feedback Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  67. 67. 1:1 feedback When getting feedback… Observe your threat response Do you want to ask for specific feedback? Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  68. 68. 1:1 feedback Photo by Ana Karenina [link] When giving feedback… Positive feedback encouraged When criticizing, stay on your side of the net One option: When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  69. 69. Closing Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
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