Startup Communication, July 2014

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A condensed version of the slides I used for a workshop with a startup team on communication, feedback, and group norms.

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Startup Communication, July 2014

  1. 1. Startup Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] communication Ed Batista July 11, 2014
  2. 2. Executive coach Instructor @ Stanford GSB www.edbatista.com blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees Who am I?
  3. 3. Photo by Alex Eflon [link] Where are we 1:1 communication Group norms You & your colleagues going?
  4. 4. How will we Concepts Exercises & debriefs 1:1 feedback get there? Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
  5. 5. Startups as human systems Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Complex group dynamics Communication = survival Feedback = learning Relationships matter Read More
  6. 6. Startups as human systems Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Think about this team… How are you communicating? How would you like to communicate?
  7. 7. Concepts #1 Today’s headline The simplest feedback model Feelings The net Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  8. 8. The headline Feedback is stressful So criticize with skill & give more heartfelt praise Photo by Garry Knight [link] Read More
  9. 9. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
  10. 10. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model
  11. 11. Feelings Disclosing feelings = vulnerable But feelings  influence And vulnerability  closeness Comfort with discomfort Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
  12. 12. The net David Bradford How to improve communication? How to create closeness and connection? Read More Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  13. 13. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Feelings Reactions Responses The net Me and my… You and your… Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  14. 14. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  15. 15. Concepts #2 Hierarchy of needs Safety, trust, intimacy Social threat SCARF model Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  16. 16. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Abraham Maslow What motivates us as human beings?
  17. 17. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Physiological Safety Love & belonging Esteem Self-actualization
  18. 18. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Some caveats… * Maslow never used a pyramid ** Not a strict hierarchy
  19. 19. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Parallels in groups & relationships Pre-conditions for success
  20. 20. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Psychological safety, trust & intimacy Experiments, risk-taking & vulnerability Learning, self- awareness & change In groups & relationships…
  21. 21. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Learning, self- awareness & change
  22. 22. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Psychological safety, trust & intimacy
  23. 23. Startups as human systems Think about your interactions in this group… What enhances safety, trust & intimacy? What undermines those qualities? Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  24. 24. Safety, trust, Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link] intimacy Read More
  25. 25. Safety, trust, intimacy Safety = I won’t get hurt Trust = I believe you & you believe me Intimacy = We can make the private public
  26. 26. Safety, trust, intimacy Foundation for learning Feedback = learning But there’s a problem…
  27. 27. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
  28. 28. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat
  29. 29. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Physiological signs? Emotional signs? Photo by William Warby [link]
  30. 30. Social threat (Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats Many times/day Most common location?
  31. 31. Social threat Physiological/emotional response plus… Cognitive impairment Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  32. 32. Social threat Result? Massive communication failure We give feedback ineffectively We receive it poorly Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  33. 33. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model Read More David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response?
  34. 34. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? How can we minimize the risk of social threat? How can we increase feelings of safety?
  35. 35. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Read More
  36. 36. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair*
  37. 37. Use the model When getting feedback… Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
  38. 38. To sum up Build safety, trust & intimacy Minimize threat response Better conditions for communication Less stressful feedback More effective learning Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
  39. 39. Concepts #3 Relationships The net (again) Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  40. 40. Photo by Harsha KR [link] Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships? Read More
  41. 41. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Responding to “bids” Mutual influence
  42. 42. 5:1 positive to negative “Emotional bank account” Relationships & conflict Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
  43. 43. Startups as human systems Think about your teammates… How’s your emotional bank account? What are you doing to build the relationship? Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  44. 44. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net (again)
  45. 45. The net How to be direct while avoiding defensiveness? How to increase sense of fairness? Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  46. 46. My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Feelings Reactions Responses The net Me and my… You and your… Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  47. 47. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response Diminish social threat & defensiveness Increase sense of fairness Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  48. 48. Startups as human systems Think about your teammates… When do you cross their net? When do they cross yours? Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  49. 49. Concepts #4 Emotional intelligence & groups Talking about feelings Group norms Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  50. 50. EQ and groups Why care? Effective teams Participation, cooperation, collaboration Can’t mandate behavior Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Read More
  51. 51. EQ and groups Essential conditions… Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Strongly affected by group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  52. 52. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ suppression) Inward (one’s own emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  53. 53. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotion Help regulate emotion Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  54. 54. Startups as human systems Think about how you show up on this team… How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions? Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  55. 55. Talking about Affect labeling Amygdala Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link] Read More
  56. 56. Talking about Group norms Norms define what’s normative Can we talk about feelings here? Overcome embarrassment feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  57. 57. Our norms Photo by jm3 [link]
  58. 58. Our norms Consider company norms Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions Read More Photo by jm3 [link]
  59. 59. We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know others personally. Norms that create awareness
  60. 60. We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that create awareness
  61. 61. We never… We always… 3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  62. 62. We never… We always… 4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that create awareness
  63. 63. We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions. Norms that create awareness
  64. 64. We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness. Norms that create awareness
  65. 65. We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  66. 66. We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that help regulate
  67. 67. We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules. Norms that help regulate
  68. 68. We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions. Norms that help regulate
  69. 69. We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate. Norms that help regulate
  70. 70. We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress. Norms that help regulate
  71. 71. We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities. Norms that help regulate
  72. 72. We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment. Norms that help regulate
  73. 73. Our norms What norms do we have? What norms do we need? Photo by jm3 [link]
  74. 74. Concepts #5 Positive feedback Mindset Soft start 5 levels Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  75. 75. Positive feedback A paradox So important So often ineffective What’s wrong? Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
  76. 76. Positive feedback We may not trust it We may even resent it We often praise the wrong things Read More
  77. 77. Positive feedback Don’t praise to buffer criticism Use a soft start*
  78. 78. Positive feedback Don’t praise to overcome resistance Use other means of influence
  79. 79. Positive feedback Don’t praise ability Praise effort and persistence
  80. 80. Carol Dweck How do we feel about our abilities? How do we feel about our mistakes? Mindset Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link] Read More
  81. 81. Talent & intelligence are inherent traits Mistakes are failures or character flaws Negative emotional response to mistakes Talent & intelligence can be developed Mistakes are learning opportunities Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more Fixed Growth Mindset Read More
  82. 82. Soft start Photo by Phil McElhinney [link] Not like this
  83. 83. Soft start Photo by OakleyOriginals [link] Like this
  84. 84. Soft start Begin with positive intent (But don’t bullshit) Emphasize mutual goals Be mindful of your stress Read More
  85. 85. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco Increasing levels of meaning, value and risk
  86. 86. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  87. 87. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most meaningful Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  88. 88. Remember… Challenge yourself Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
  89. 89. 1:1 feedback Photo by Ana Karenina [link] Read More
  90. 90. 1:1 feedback When getting feedback… Observe your threat response Do you want to ask for specific feedback?
  91. 91. 1:1 feedback When giving feedback… Positive feedback encouraged Stay on your side of the net When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Use the Vocabulary of Emotions
  92. 92. Thank you! Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]

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