Startup Communication, Dec 2013

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Slides that accompanied a half-day workshop for 11 pairs of co-founders on Startup Communication, held @ Flixster in San Francisco, December 19, 2013.

Slides that accompanied a half-day workshop for 11 pairs of co-founders on Startup Communication, held @ Flixster in San Francisco, December 19, 2013.

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  • 1. Startup Communication Ed Batista @ Flixster December 18, 2013 Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  • 2. Who am I? Executive coach Instructor @ Stanford GSB www.edbatista.com blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
  • 3. Where are we going? 1:1 communication Group norms You as partners and role models Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
  • 4. How will we get there? Concepts Exercises & debriefs 1:1 feedback Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
  • 5. Startups as human systems Complex group dynamics Communication = survival Feedback = learning Relationships matter Leaders as levers Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  • 6. Founder as avatar
  • 7. Founder as avatar Avatara The ideal made real Company made in your image
  • 8. Concepts #1 Today’s headline The simplest feedback model Feelings The net Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  • 9. The headline Feedback is stressful So criticize with skill & give more heartfelt praise Photo by Garry Knight [link]
  • 10. The simplest feedback model When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  • 11. The simplest feedback model When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  • 12. Feelings Disclosing feelings = vulnerable But feelings  influence And vulnerability  closeness Comfort with discomfort Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
  • 13. The net Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  • 14. The net David Bradford How to avoid triggering defensiveness? How to increase perceptions of fairness? Read More Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  • 15. The net Me and my… You and your… My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] Feelings Reactions Responses
  • 16. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  • 17. Concepts #2 Social threat SCARF model Relationships The net (again) Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  • 18. Can I give you some feedback? Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
  • 19. Feedback and social threat Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
  • 20. Threat response aka “Fight or flight” Physiological signs? Emotional signs? Photo by William Warby [link]
  • 21. Threat response Cognitive impairment… Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by William Warby [link]
  • 22. Social threat Photo by David Sim [link]
  • 23. Social threat Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  • 24. SCARF model David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? Read More Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
  • 25. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Read More
  • 26. SCARF model Threat to… Status? Certainty? Autonomy? Relatedness? Fairness? Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] & feedback
  • 27. Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair* Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
  • 28. Use the model When getting feedback… Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
  • 29. Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships? Read More Photo by Harsha KR [link]
  • 30. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Mutual influence Responding to “bids”
  • 31. Relationships & conflict 5:1 positive to negative “Emotional bank account”
  • 32. Founder as avatar Think about your partner How’s your emotional bank account? What are you doing to build the relationship?
  • 33. The net (again) Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  • 34. The net How to avoid triggering defensiveness? How to increase perceptions of fairness? Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  • 35. The net Me and my… You and your… My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] Feelings Reactions Responses
  • 36. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Diminish social threat & defensiveness Increase perceptions of fairness Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  • 37. Founder as avatar Think about your partner When do you cross their net? When do they cross yours?
  • 38. Concepts #3 Emotional intelligence & groups Talking about feelings Group norms Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  • 39. EQ and groups Why care? Effective teams Participation, cooperation, collaboration Can’t mandate behavior Read More Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  • 40. EQ and groups Essential conditions… Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Strongly affected by group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  • 41. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ suppression) Inward (one’s own emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  • 42. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotion Help regulate emotion Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  • 43. Founder as avatar Your behavior = company norms How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions?
  • 44. Talking about Affect labeling feelings Amygdala Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion Read More Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  • 45. Talking about Group norms feelings Norms define what’s normative Can we talk about feelings here? Overcome embarrassment/shame Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  • 46. Our norms Photo by jm3 [link]
  • 47. Our norms Consider company norms Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions Read More Photo by jm3 [link]
  • 48. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know others personally.
  • 49. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
  • 50. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment.
  • 51. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think.
  • 52. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions.
  • 53. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness.
  • 54. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment.
  • 55. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings.
  • 56. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules.
  • 57. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions.
  • 58. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate.
  • 59. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress.
  • 60. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities.
  • 61. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment.
  • 62. Our norms What norms do you have? What norms do you need? What can you do as leaders? Photo by jm3 [link]
  • 63. Concepts #4 Positive feedback Soft start Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  • 64. Positive feedback A paradox So important So often ineffective What’s wrong? Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
  • 65. Positive feedback We may not trust it We may even resent it We often praise the wrong things Read More
  • 66. Positive feedback Don’t praise to buffer criticism Use a soft start*
  • 67. Positive feedback Don’t praise to overcome resistance Use other influence tactics
  • 68. Positive feedback Don’t praise ability Praise effort and persistence
  • 69. Soft start Not like this Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
  • 70. Soft start Like this Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
  • 71. Soft start Begin with positive intent (But don’t bullshit) Emphasize mutual goals Be mindful of your stress Read More
  • 72. 1:1 feedback Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  • 73. 1:1 feedback When getting feedback… Observe your threat response Do you want to ask for specific feedback? Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  • 74. 1:1 feedback When giving feedback… Positive feedback encouraged When criticizing, stay on your side of the net When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Use the Vocabulary of Emotions Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  • 75. Closing Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]