0
Startup

Communication

Ed Batista
@ Flixster
December 18, 2013

Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Who am I?
Executive coach

Instructor @ Stanford GSB
www.edbatista.com

blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista

HBR Guide to Coaching Yo...
Where are we

going?

1:1 communication
Group norms
You as partners and role models

Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
How will we

get there?

Concepts
Exercises & debriefs
1:1 feedback

Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
Startups as

human systems

Complex group dynamics
Communication = survival
Feedback = learning
Relationships matter
Leade...
Founder as avatar
Founder as avatar
Avatara

The ideal made real
Company made in your image
Concepts #1
Today’s headline

The simplest feedback model
Feelings
The net

Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
The headline
Feedback is stressful

So criticize with skill
& give more heartfelt praise

Photo by Garry Knight [link]
The simplest

feedback model

When you do [X], I feel [Y].
The simplest

feedback model

When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Feelings
Disclosing feelings = vulnerable

But feelings  influence
And vulnerability  closeness
Comfort with discomfort
...
The net

Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
David Bradford

How to avoid triggering defensiveness?
How to increase perceptions of fairness?

Read
More
Photo b...
The net
Me and my…

You and your…
My behavior…
Actions
Statements
Non-Verbals

Needs
Motives
Intentions

Photo by The Migh...
The net
Stay on our side of the net

Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].

Photo ...
Concepts #2
Social threat

SCARF model
Relationships
The net (again)

Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Can I give you

some feedback?

Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
Feedback and

social threat

Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
Threat response
aka “Fight or flight”

Physiological signs?
Emotional signs?

Photo by William Warby [link]
Threat response
Cognitive impairment…

Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration

Photo by William Warby [link]
Social threat

Photo by David Sim [link]
Social threat

Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
SCARF model
David Rock
What social situations
trigger a threat
response?

Read
More
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF model
Status

Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness

Read
More
SCARF model
Threat to…

Status?
Certainty?
Autonomy?
Relatedness?
Fairness?

Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]

& feedback
Use the model
When giving feedback…

Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize autonomy
Build the relationship*
P...
Use the model
When getting feedback…

Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful relationships?
Read
More
Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
Feeling known by the other

A culture of appreciation
Mutual influence
Responding to “bids”
Relationships

& conflict

5:1 positive to negative
“Emotional bank account”
Founder as avatar
Think about your partner

How’s your emotional bank account?
What are you doing to build the relationshi...
The net (again)

Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
How to avoid triggering defensiveness?

How to increase perceptions of fairness?

Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu ...
The net
Me and my…

You and your…
My behavior…
Actions
Statements
Non-Verbals

Needs
Motives
Intentions

Photo by The Migh...
The net
Stay on our side of the net

Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Diminis...
Founder as avatar
Think about your partner

When do you cross their net?
When do they cross yours?
Concepts #3
Emotional intelligence & groups

Talking about feelings
Group norms

Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
EQ and groups
Why care?

Effective teams
Participation, cooperation, collaboration
Can’t mandate behavior

Read
More
Photo...
EQ and groups
Essential conditions…

Mutual trust
Group identity (feeling of belonging)
Group efficacy (belief in value of...
EQ and groups
Individual EQ

Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ suppression)
Inward (one’s own emotions)
Outward (o...
EQ and groups
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group

Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotion
Help regulat...
Founder as avatar
Your behavior = company norms

How aware are you of your emotions?
How well do you regulate your emotion...
Talking about
Affect labeling

feelings

Amygdala
Talking disrupts negative emotion
Talking about emotion > Thinking about...
Talking about
Group norms

feelings

Norms define what’s normative
Can we talk about feelings here?
Overcome embarrassment...
Our norms

Photo by jm3 [link]
Our norms
Consider company norms

Create awareness of emotions
Help regulate emotions

Read
More
Photo by jm3 [link]
Norms that create

awareness

We never…

We always…

1. Spend time getting to know
others personally.
Norms that create

awareness

We never…

We always…

2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that create

awareness

We never…

We always…

3. Share thoughts and emotions
with others in the moment.
Norms that create

awareness

We never…

We always…

4. Ask others who have been quiet
in a discussion what they think.
Norms that create

awareness

We never…

We always…

5. Fully explore others’ resistance
to our decisions.
Norms that create

awareness

We never…

We always…

6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate
our own effectiveness.
Norms that create

awareness

We never…

We always…

7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling
in the group in the moment.
Norms that help

regulate

We never…

We always…

1. Have clear ground rules for productive
behavior in meetings.
Norms that help

regulate

We never…

We always…

2. Call out behavior that violates
those ground rules.
Norms that help

regulate

We never…

We always…

3. Express acceptance of
others’ emotions.
Norms that help

regulate

We never…

We always…

4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions th...
Norms that help

regulate

We never…

We always…

5. Use playfulness to acknowledge
and relieve stress.
Norms that help

regulate

We never…

We always…

6. Express optimism about
the team’s capabilities.
Norms that help

regulate

We never…

We always…

7. Provide others with positive
feedback in the moment.
Our norms
What norms do you have?

What norms do you need?
What can you do as leaders?

Photo by jm3 [link]
Concepts #4
Positive feedback

Soft start

Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Positive feedback
A paradox

So important
So often ineffective
What’s wrong?

Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
Positive feedback
We may not trust it

We may even resent it
We often praise the wrong things

Read
More
Positive feedback
Don’t praise to buffer criticism

Use a soft start*
Positive feedback
Don’t praise to overcome resistance

Use other influence tactics
Positive feedback
Don’t praise ability

Praise effort and persistence
Soft start
Not like this

Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Soft start
Like this

Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
Soft start
Begin with positive intent

(But don’t bullshit)
Emphasize mutual goals
Be mindful of your stress

Read
More
1:1 feedback

Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 feedback
When getting feedback…

Observe your threat response
Do you want to ask for specific feedback?

Photo by Ana ...
1:1 feedback
When giving feedback…

Positive feedback encouraged
When criticizing, stay on your side of the net
When you d...
Closing

Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
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Startup Communication, Dec 2013

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Slides that accompanied a half-day workshop for 11 pairs of co-founders on Startup Communication, held @ Flixster in San Francisco, December 19, 2013.

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Transcript of "Startup Communication, Dec 2013"

  1. 1. Startup Communication Ed Batista @ Flixster December 18, 2013 Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  2. 2. Who am I? Executive coach Instructor @ Stanford GSB www.edbatista.com blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
  3. 3. Where are we going? 1:1 communication Group norms You as partners and role models Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
  4. 4. How will we get there? Concepts Exercises & debriefs 1:1 feedback Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
  5. 5. Startups as human systems Complex group dynamics Communication = survival Feedback = learning Relationships matter Leaders as levers Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  6. 6. Founder as avatar
  7. 7. Founder as avatar Avatara The ideal made real Company made in your image
  8. 8. Concepts #1 Today’s headline The simplest feedback model Feelings The net Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  9. 9. The headline Feedback is stressful So criticize with skill & give more heartfelt praise Photo by Garry Knight [link]
  10. 10. The simplest feedback model When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  11. 11. The simplest feedback model When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  12. 12. Feelings Disclosing feelings = vulnerable But feelings  influence And vulnerability  closeness Comfort with discomfort Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
  13. 13. The net Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  14. 14. The net David Bradford How to avoid triggering defensiveness? How to increase perceptions of fairness? Read More Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  15. 15. The net Me and my… You and your… My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] Feelings Reactions Responses
  16. 16. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  17. 17. Concepts #2 Social threat SCARF model Relationships The net (again) Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  18. 18. Can I give you some feedback? Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
  19. 19. Feedback and social threat Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
  20. 20. Threat response aka “Fight or flight” Physiological signs? Emotional signs? Photo by William Warby [link]
  21. 21. Threat response Cognitive impairment… Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by William Warby [link]
  22. 22. Social threat Photo by David Sim [link]
  23. 23. Social threat Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  24. 24. SCARF model David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? Read More Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
  25. 25. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Read More
  26. 26. SCARF model Threat to… Status? Certainty? Autonomy? Relatedness? Fairness? Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] & feedback
  27. 27. Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair* Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
  28. 28. Use the model When getting feedback… Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
  29. 29. Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships? Read More Photo by Harsha KR [link]
  30. 30. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Mutual influence Responding to “bids”
  31. 31. Relationships & conflict 5:1 positive to negative “Emotional bank account”
  32. 32. Founder as avatar Think about your partner How’s your emotional bank account? What are you doing to build the relationship?
  33. 33. The net (again) Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  34. 34. The net How to avoid triggering defensiveness? How to increase perceptions of fairness? Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  35. 35. The net Me and my… You and your… My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] Feelings Reactions Responses
  36. 36. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Diminish social threat & defensiveness Increase perceptions of fairness Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  37. 37. Founder as avatar Think about your partner When do you cross their net? When do they cross yours?
  38. 38. Concepts #3 Emotional intelligence & groups Talking about feelings Group norms Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  39. 39. EQ and groups Why care? Effective teams Participation, cooperation, collaboration Can’t mandate behavior Read More Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  40. 40. EQ and groups Essential conditions… Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Strongly affected by group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  41. 41. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ suppression) Inward (one’s own emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  42. 42. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotion Help regulate emotion Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  43. 43. Founder as avatar Your behavior = company norms How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions?
  44. 44. Talking about Affect labeling feelings Amygdala Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion Read More Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  45. 45. Talking about Group norms feelings Norms define what’s normative Can we talk about feelings here? Overcome embarrassment/shame Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  46. 46. Our norms Photo by jm3 [link]
  47. 47. Our norms Consider company norms Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions Read More Photo by jm3 [link]
  48. 48. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know others personally.
  49. 49. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
  50. 50. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment.
  51. 51. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think.
  52. 52. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions.
  53. 53. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness.
  54. 54. Norms that create awareness We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment.
  55. 55. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings.
  56. 56. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules.
  57. 57. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions.
  58. 58. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate.
  59. 59. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress.
  60. 60. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities.
  61. 61. Norms that help regulate We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment.
  62. 62. Our norms What norms do you have? What norms do you need? What can you do as leaders? Photo by jm3 [link]
  63. 63. Concepts #4 Positive feedback Soft start Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  64. 64. Positive feedback A paradox So important So often ineffective What’s wrong? Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
  65. 65. Positive feedback We may not trust it We may even resent it We often praise the wrong things Read More
  66. 66. Positive feedback Don’t praise to buffer criticism Use a soft start*
  67. 67. Positive feedback Don’t praise to overcome resistance Use other influence tactics
  68. 68. Positive feedback Don’t praise ability Praise effort and persistence
  69. 69. Soft start Not like this Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
  70. 70. Soft start Like this Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
  71. 71. Soft start Begin with positive intent (But don’t bullshit) Emphasize mutual goals Be mindful of your stress Read More
  72. 72. 1:1 feedback Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  73. 73. 1:1 feedback When getting feedback… Observe your threat response Do you want to ask for specific feedback? Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  74. 74. 1:1 feedback When giving feedback… Positive feedback encouraged When criticizing, stay on your side of the net When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Use the Vocabulary of Emotions Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
  75. 75. Closing Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
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