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Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
communication
Ed Batista
May 5, 2014
Executive coach
Instructor @ Stanford GSB
www.edbatista.com
blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
...
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we
1:1 communication
Group norms
You & your colleagues
going?
How will we
Concepts
Exercises & debriefs
1:1 feedback
get there?
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
Startups as
human systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Complex group dynamics
Communication = survival
Feedback = lear...
Startups as
human systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Think about this team…
How are you communicating?
How would you...
Concepts #1
Today’s headline
The simplest feedback model
Feelings
The net
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
The headline
Feedback is stressful
So criticize with skill
& give more heartfelt praise
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Feelings
Disclosing feelings = vulnerable
But feelings  influence
And vulnerability  closeness
Comfort with discomfort
P...
The net
David Bradford
How to avoid triggering defensiveness?
How to increase perceptions of fairness?
Photo by The Mighty...
My behavior…
Actions
Statements
Non-Verbals
Needs
Motives
Intentions
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
The net
Me and my… You a...
The net
Stay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Photo by...
Concepts #2
Social threat
SCARF model
Relationships
The net (again)
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
Threat response
aka “Fight or flight”
Physiological signs?
Emotional signs?
Photo by William Warby [link]
Threat response
Cognitive impairment…
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
Social threat
(Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats
Many times/day
Most common location?
Social threat
A problem…
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
All affect communication
Photo by Heisenberg Media ...
SCARF model
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Read
More
David Rock
What social situations
trigger a threat
response?
SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
Read
More
Use the model
When giving feedback…
Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize autonomy
Build the relationship*
Pl...
Use the model
When getting feedback…
Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful relationships?
Read
More
Relationships
Feeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to “bids”
Mutual influence
5:1 positive to negative
“Emotional bank account”
Relationships
& conflict
Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
Startups as
human systems
Think about your teammates…
How’s your emotional bank account?
What are you doing to build the r...
The net
How to minimize defensiveness?
How to increase sense of fairness?
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
My behavior…
Actions
Statements
Non-Verbals
Needs
Motives
Intentions
Feelings
React...
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The net
Stay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our respons...
Startups as
human systems
Think about your teammates…
When do you cross their net?
When do they cross yours?
Photo by Heis...
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Concepts #3
Emotional intelligence & groups
Talking about feelings
Group norms
EQ and groups
Why care?
Effective teams
Participation, cooperation, collaboration
Can’t mandate behavior
Photo by Woodleyw...
EQ and groups
Essential conditions…
Mutual trust
Group identity (feeling of belonging)
Group efficacy (belief in value of ...
EQ and groups
Individual EQ
Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ suppression)
Inward (one’s own emotions)
Outward (ot...
EQ and groups
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotion
Help regulate...
Startups as
human systems
Think about how you show up on this team…
How aware are you of your emotions?
How well do you re...
Talking about
Affect labeling
Amygdala
Talking disrupts negative emotion
Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion
fe...
Talking about
Group norms
Norms define what’s normative
Can we talk about feelings here?
Overcome embarrassment
feelings
P...
Our norms
Consider company norms
Create awareness of emotions
Help regulate emotions
Read
More
Photo by jm3 [link]
We never… We always…
1. Spend time getting to know
others personally.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
3. Share thoughts and emotions
with others in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
4. Ask others who have been quiet
in a discussion what they think.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
5. Fully explore others’ resistance
to our decisions.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate
our own effectiveness.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling
in the group in the moment.
Norms that create
awareness
We never… We always…
1. Have clear ground rules for productive
behavior in meetings.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
2. Call out behavior that violates
those ground rules.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
3. Express acceptance of
others’ emotions.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions they generate.
Norms that help
...
We never… We always…
5. Use playfulness to acknowledge
and relieve stress.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
6. Express optimism about
the team’s capabilities.
Norms that help
regulate
We never… We always…
7. Provide others with positive
feedback in the moment.
Norms that help
regulate
Our norms
What norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What might we do as a team?
Photo by jm3 [link]
Concepts #4
Positive feedback
Mindset
Soft start
5 levels
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Positive feedback
A paradox
So important
So often ineffective
What’s wrong?
Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
Positive feedback
We may not trust it
We may even resent it
We often praise the wrong things
Read
More
Positive feedback
Don’t praise to buffer criticism
Use a soft start*
Positive feedback
Don’t praise to overcome resistance
Use other influence tactics
Positive feedback
Don’t praise ability
Praise effort and persistence
Carol Dweck
How do we feel about our abilities?
How do we feel about our mistakes?
Mindset
Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link...
Talent & intelligence
are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or
character flaws
Negative emotional
response to mistakes...
Soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
Soft start
Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
Like this
Soft start
Begin with positive intent
(But don’t bullshit)
Emphasize mutual goals
Be mindful of your stress
Read
More
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
Increasing levels of meaning, value and risk
Read
More
5 levels1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willa...
5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most meaningful
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Remember…
Challenge yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Closing
Photo by Jun Seita [link]
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Startup Communication, May 2014

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A condensed version of the slides I used for a workshop with a startup management team on communication, feedback, and group norms.

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Transcript of "Startup Communication, May 2014"

  1. 1. Startup Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] communication Ed Batista May 5, 2014
  2. 2. Executive coach Instructor @ Stanford GSB www.edbatista.com blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees Who am I?
  3. 3. Photo by Alex Eflon [link] Where are we 1:1 communication Group norms You & your colleagues going?
  4. 4. How will we Concepts Exercises & debriefs 1:1 feedback get there? Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
  5. 5. Startups as human systems Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Complex group dynamics Communication = survival Feedback = learning Relationships matter
  6. 6. Startups as human systems Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Think about this team… How are you communicating? How would you like to communicate?
  7. 7. Concepts #1 Today’s headline The simplest feedback model Feelings The net Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  8. 8. The headline Feedback is stressful So criticize with skill & give more heartfelt praise Photo by Garry Knight [link]
  9. 9. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
  10. 10. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model
  11. 11. Feelings Disclosing feelings = vulnerable But feelings  influence And vulnerability  closeness Comfort with discomfort Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
  12. 12. The net David Bradford How to avoid triggering defensiveness? How to increase perceptions of fairness? Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] Read More
  13. 13. My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Feelings Reactions Responses The net Me and my… You and your… Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  14. 14. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  15. 15. Concepts #2 Social threat SCARF model Relationships The net (again) Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  16. 16. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
  17. 17. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat
  18. 18. Threat response aka “Fight or flight” Physiological signs? Emotional signs? Photo by William Warby [link]
  19. 19. Threat response Cognitive impairment… Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration
  20. 20. Social threat (Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats Many times/day Most common location?
  21. 21. Social threat A problem… Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration All affect communication Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  22. 22. SCARF model Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Read More David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response?
  23. 23. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Read More
  24. 24. Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair* Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
  25. 25. Use the model When getting feedback… Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
  26. 26. Photo by Harsha KR [link] Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships? Read More
  27. 27. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Responding to “bids” Mutual influence
  28. 28. 5:1 positive to negative “Emotional bank account” Relationships & conflict Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
  29. 29. Startups as human systems Think about your teammates… How’s your emotional bank account? What are you doing to build the relationship? Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  30. 30. The net How to minimize defensiveness? How to increase sense of fairness? Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  31. 31. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals Needs Motives Intentions Feelings Reactions Responses The net Me and my… You and your… Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  32. 32. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response Diminish social threat & defensiveness Increase sense of fairness Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  33. 33. Startups as human systems Think about your teammates… When do you cross their net? When do they cross yours? Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  34. 34. Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] Concepts #3 Emotional intelligence & groups Talking about feelings Group norms
  35. 35. EQ and groups Why care? Effective teams Participation, cooperation, collaboration Can’t mandate behavior Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Read More
  36. 36. EQ and groups Essential conditions… Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Strongly affected by group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  37. 37. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ suppression) Inward (one’s own emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  38. 38. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotion Help regulate emotion Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  39. 39. Startups as human systems Think about how you show up on this team… How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions? Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  40. 40. Talking about Affect labeling Amygdala Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link] Read More
  41. 41. Talking about Group norms Norms define what’s normative Can we talk about feelings here? Overcome embarrassment feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  42. 42. Our norms Consider company norms Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions Read More Photo by jm3 [link]
  43. 43. We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know others personally. Norms that create awareness
  44. 44. We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that create awareness
  45. 45. We never… We always… 3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  46. 46. We never… We always… 4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that create awareness
  47. 47. We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions. Norms that create awareness
  48. 48. We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness. Norms that create awareness
  49. 49. We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  50. 50. We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that help regulate
  51. 51. We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules. Norms that help regulate
  52. 52. We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions. Norms that help regulate
  53. 53. We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate. Norms that help regulate
  54. 54. We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress. Norms that help regulate
  55. 55. We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities. Norms that help regulate
  56. 56. We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment. Norms that help regulate
  57. 57. Our norms What norms do we have? What norms do we need? What might we do as a team? Photo by jm3 [link]
  58. 58. Concepts #4 Positive feedback Mindset Soft start 5 levels Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  59. 59. Positive feedback A paradox So important So often ineffective What’s wrong? Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
  60. 60. Positive feedback We may not trust it We may even resent it We often praise the wrong things Read More
  61. 61. Positive feedback Don’t praise to buffer criticism Use a soft start*
  62. 62. Positive feedback Don’t praise to overcome resistance Use other influence tactics
  63. 63. Positive feedback Don’t praise ability Praise effort and persistence
  64. 64. Carol Dweck How do we feel about our abilities? How do we feel about our mistakes? Mindset Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link] Read More
  65. 65. Talent & intelligence are inherent traits Mistakes are failures or character flaws Negative emotional response to mistakes Talent & intelligence can be developed Mistakes are learning opportunities Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more Fixed Growth Mindset Read More
  66. 66. Soft start Photo by Phil McElhinney [link] Not like this
  67. 67. Soft start Photo by OakleyOriginals [link] Like this
  68. 68. Soft start Begin with positive intent (But don’t bullshit) Emphasize mutual goals Be mindful of your stress Read More
  69. 69. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco Increasing levels of meaning, value and risk Read More
  70. 70. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  71. 71. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most meaningful Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  72. 72. Remember… Challenge yourself Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
  73. 73. Closing Photo by Jun Seita [link]
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