Your SlideShare is downloading. ×
20140703 Edanz Kyushu Session 5
Upcoming SlideShare
Loading in...5
×

Thanks for flagging this SlideShare!

Oops! An error has occurred.

×
Saving this for later? Get the SlideShare app to save on your phone or tablet. Read anywhere, anytime – even offline.
Text the download link to your phone
Standard text messaging rates apply

20140703 Edanz Kyushu Session 5

144

Published on

0 Comments
0 Likes
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Views
Total Views
144
On Slideshare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
2
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
6
Comments
0
Likes
0
Embeds 0
No embeds

Report content
Flagged as inappropriate Flag as inappropriate
Flag as inappropriate

Select your reason for flagging this presentation as inappropriate.

Cancel
No notes for slide

Transcript

  • 1. Jeffrey Robens, PhD Senior Research Consultant Education Group Leader Kyushu University Department of Agriculture Session 5 – Effective writing Kyushu University 3 July 2014
  • 2. Seminar series June 5 Effective presentations June 12 Reviewing the literature June 19 Academic publishing June 26 Research and publication ethics July 3 Effective writing July 10 Manuscript structure July 17 Communicating with journals July 24 Peer review and revisions
  • 3. Increasing readability Section 1
  • 4. Increasing readability Japanese vs. English scientific writing style Japanese English Followed by conclusion Cause/reason comes first Passive voice Followed by explanation Conclusion comes first Active voice
  • 5. Increasing readability High readability Your reader should… Understand your logic immediately Not have to read slowly Only have to read once
  • 6. Increasing readability Reader expectations Information is easier to understand when it is placed where readers expect to find it Good writers are aware of these expectations
  • 7. Increasing readability Subject-verb placement Readers expect verbs to closely follow the subject Subject Verb
  • 8. Increasing readability Subject-verb placement Readers expect verbs to closely follow the subject Subject Verb
  • 9. Increasing readability Subject-verb placement The viral infection that the patient caught on her recent trip to the outbreak-prone areas in Africa spread quickly. The patient caught a viral infection on her recent trip to the outbreak-prone areas in Africa, and this infection spread quickly.
  • 10. Increasing readability Short sentences Reading once… 4% of readers can understand a 27-word sentence 75% of readers can understand a 17-word sentence Pinner and Pinner (1998) Communication Skills Goals to aim for: One idea per sentence 15–20 words
  • 11. Increasing readability 30 words The largest company, a Japanese corporation founded in 1916 outside of Osaka by Ichiro Tanaka, was considered to be a model in the development of modern employee conditions by economists. Short sentences
  • 12. Increasing readability Short sentences Economists considered the largest company to be a model in the development of modern employee conditions. This company was a Japanese corporation founded in 1916 outside of Osaka by Ichiro Tanaka. 16 words 15 words One idea per sentence
  • 13. Increasing readability Active voice Sentences written in the active voice are: simple direct clear easy to read The mechanisms regulating tumor growth were investigated. Passive We investigated the mechanisms regulating tumor growth. Active
  • 14. Increasing readability Active voice Ferreira F. Cognitive Psychology 2003; 47: 164–203. • 48 native English-speaking university students • 36 active voice sentences • 36 passive voice sentences Accurate statements • The dog bit the man. • The man was bitten by the dog. Inaccurate statements • The man bit the dog. • The dog was bitten by the man.
  • 15. Increasing readability Active voice 70 75 80 85 90 95 100 Active Passive Accuracy (%) 1500 1600 1700 1800 1900 2000 2100 Active Passive Decision time (ms) Ferreira F. Cognitive Psychology 2003; 47: 164–203. • 36 active voice sentences (‘the dog bit the man’) • 36 passive voice sentences (‘the man was bitten by the dog’)
  • 16. Increasing readability Active voice is preferred “Use the active voice when it is less wordy and more direct than the passive”. (3rd ed., pg. 42) “Use the active voice rather than the passive voice…”. www.apastyle.org/learn/faqs/effective-verb-use.aspx “As a matter of style, passive voice is typically, but not always, inferior to active voice”. (15th ed., pg. 177) “In general, authors should use the active voice…”. (10th ed., pg. 320) ACS Style Guide APA Style Chicago Style Guide AMA Manual of Style “Nature journals prefer…the active voice…” (http://www.nature.com/authors/author_resources/how_write.html) Nature
  • 17. Increasing readability Stress position Readers focus at the end of the sentence to determine what is important. 1. You deserve a raise, but the budget is tight. Which sentence suggests that you will get a raise? 2. The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise. http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/
  • 18. Increasing readability The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise. Your salary will increase at the beginning of next year. The stress position also introduces the topic of the next sentence http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/ Stress position
  • 19. Increasing readability The budget is tight, but you deserve a raise. Your salary will increase at the beginning of next year. http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/ Stress position Topic position The topic position introduces the idea of the current sentence The stress position also introduces the topic of the next sentence Stress position
  • 20. Increasing readability Topic position The patient went to the hospital to see a gastroenterologist. The doctor then performed a series of diagnostic tests. The results showed the patient suffered from a bacterial infection. Antibiotics were prescribed to treat the infection before the patient developed an ulcer. idea ideaideaidea Topic link sentence
  • 21. Increasing readability Busch et al. BMC Cancer. 2012; 13: 211. Linking your ideas in your manuscript Lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer mortality for men and women. Despite smoking prevention and cessation programs and advances in early detection, the 5-year survival rate for lung cancer is only 16% with current therapies. Although lung cancer incidence rates have recently declined in the United States, more lung cancer is now diagnosed when considered together in former- and never-smokers than in current smokers. Thus, even if all of the national anti-smoking campaign goals are met, lung cancer will remain a major public health problem for decades. New ways to treat or prevent lung cancer are therefore needed. One potential therapeutic target for lung cancer is the Wnt signaling pathway. The canonical Wnt signaling pathway in mammals consists of a family of secreted lipid-modified Wnt protein ligands that bind to a family of 7-pass transmembrane Frizzled (Fzd) receptors, as reviewed… Topic sentence Stress sentence Topic sentence
  • 22. Simple language Section 2
  • 23. Simple writing Nature’s guide to authors: Nature is an international journal covering all the sciences. Contributions should therefore be written clearly and simply so that they are accessible to readers in other disciplines and to readers for whom English is not their first language. www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/index.html#a4 “I should use complex words to make my writing more impressive.”
  • 24. Simple writing To ascertain the efficaciousness of the program, we interrogated the participants upon completion. To determine the success of the program, we questioned the participants upon completion. Simple language
  • 25. Simple writing Complex words to avoid Preferred Enough Clear Try Very Size Asked Keep Later Enough End Use Avoid Adequate Apparent Endeavor Exceedingly Magnitude Requested Retain Subsequently Sufficient Terminate Utilization
  • 26. Simple writing Avoid At a concentration of 2 g/L At a temperature of 37C At a wavelength of 340 nm In order to In the first place Four in number Green color Subsequent to Prior to Preferred At 2 g/L At 37C At 340 nm To First Four Green After Before Unnecessary words
  • 27. Simple writing In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a temperature of 95°C until it became black in color. First, to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at 95°C until it became black. 28 words 18 words Unnecessary words
  • 28. Common mistakes Section 3
  • 29. Common mistakes Correct verb tense  Present: stating widely accepted fact “Smoking causes cancer.”  Present perfect: referring to results from previous studies that are still relevant “Smoking has been shown to cause cancer.3” Introduction
  • 30. Common mistakes Correct verb tense  Past: describing what you did “We recruited 45 subjects for our study.” Methods
  • 31. Common mistakes Correct verb tense  Past: stating what you found “We observed that the weight of…”  Present: referring to the figures “Figure 3 shows the increase in weight…” Results and Figure Legends
  • 32. Common mistakes Correct verb tense  Present: stating widely accepted fact  Present perfect: referring to results from previous studies that are still relevant  Past: stating what you found “We found that smoking increased the…”  Present: referring to the implications of your findings for the current state of the field “These results suggest that smoking increases…” Discussion
  • 33. Common mistakes Proper punctuation Colons and semi-colons  Use colons to introduce a list  Use semi-colons to differentiate phrases that contain commas “We analyzed four journals: the Journal of Neurology, published by Springer, Practical Neurology, published by BMJ, and Annals of Neurology, published by Wiley.” “…increased toxicity; however, this was not found…”
  • 34. Common mistakes Proper punctuation Colons and semi-colons  Use colons to introduce a list  Use semi-colons to differentiate phrases that contain commas “We analyzed three journals: the Journal of Neurology, published by Springer, Practical Neurology, published by BMJ, and Annals of Neurology, published by Wiley.” “…increased toxicity; however, this was not found…” 1 2 3 4 5 6 Three or six?
  • 35. Common mistakes Proper punctuation Colons and semi-colons  Use colons to introduce a list  Use semi-colons to differentiate phrases that contain commas “We analyzed four journals: the Journal of Neurology, published by Springer; Practical Neurology, published by BMJ; and Annals of Neurology, published by Wiley.” “…increased toxicity; however, this was not found…” “…increased toxicity. However, this was not found…”
  • 36. Common mistakes Proper punctuation Hyphens and en dashes  Use hyphens to combine two words “wild-type”, “heat-induced increase”, “2-μm pore”  Use en dashes for ranges or combining two people’s names “aged 30−38 years”, “Mann−Whitney U test” Do not use en dashes with ‘from’ or ‘between’ “from 30 to 38 years”, “between 30 and 38 years”
  • 37. Common mistakes  Compared with is for comparing similar things  Compared to is for comparing different things The tumor excised from the lung was compared to that from the liver. The tumor excised from the lung was compared with that from the liver. Comparisons
  • 38. Common mistakes ‘Between’ or ‘among’? Use between for comparisons of two groups Use among for more than two groups … the only difference between the original molecule and the new molecule is ... … significant differences were observed in the values among the five molecules.
  • 39. Common mistakes Respectively Used to refer to two or more corresponding lists The two values were 143 and 21, respectively. The two values were 143 and 21. The values for group A and B were 143 and 21, respectively.
  • 40. Common mistakes Oxygen detector flow Nitrogen detector flow Hydrogen detector flow 85 mL/min 7 mL/min 4 mL/min Respectively – example Oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen detector flows were set at 85, 7 and 4 mL/min, respectively. 15 words The oxygen detector flow was set at 85 mL/min, the nitrogen detector flow was set at 7 mL/min, and the hydrogen detector flow was set at 4 mL/min. 28 words
  • 41. Common mistakes Data is plural Data is the plural form of datum The data was analyzed... This data suggests… The data were analyzed… These data suggest…
  • 42. Common mistakes UK vs. US English • For many journals, either UK or US English is acceptable • Have to be consistent throughout • Carefully read author guidelines for details • Hint: search for ‘English’ or ‘spelling’ http://www.bmj.com/about-bmj/resources-authors/house-style http://www.rsc.org/images/Author_guidelines_tcm18-186308.pdf
  • 43. Common mistakes UK vs. US English Use the setting in Microsoft Word to ensure you are using the correct format Click here to change the language settings quickly
  • 44. Common mistakes UK vs. US English… and Oxford English http://www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/#a4 UK English Oxford English US English Analyse Analyse Analyze Behaviour Behaviour Behavior Centre Centre Center Modelling Modelling Modeling Haematology Haematology Hematology Realise Realize Realize
  • 45. Activities
  • 46. Readability Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences? 1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study. 1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study. 1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease.
  • 47. Readability Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences? 1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study. 1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study. 1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease.
  • 48. Readability Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences? 1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study. 1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study. 1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease. Too long! (35 words)
  • 49. Readability Which of the following sentences has the best readability? What is wrong with the other sentences? 1. To investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease, a neurological disorder that results from the death of dopaminergic neurons in the brain and affects motor coordination, in the community, we recruited 412 people in the study. 1. In order to investigate the frequency in occurrence of Parkinson’s disease in the community, 412 people in the community were recruited in the study. 1. We recruited 412 people in the community to investigate the frequency of Parkinson’s disease. Unnecessary words and passive voice
  • 50. Active voice Are the following sentences in active or passive voice? 1. The effects of UV treatment on the physical properties of graphene were investigated under high pressure. 2. Surgery was performed to remove the tumor from the liver. 3. Manufacturing increased after the introduction of the new assembly line. 4. Manufacturing was increased by the introduction of the new assembly line.
  • 51. Active voice Are the following sentences in active or passive voice? 1. The effects of UV treatment on the physical properties of graphene were investigated under high pressure. 2. Surgery was performed to remove the tumor from the liver. 3. Manufacturing increased after the introduction of the new assembly line. 4. Manufacturing was increased by the introduction of the new assembly line. Passive Passive Active Passive We investigated the effects of UV treatment on the physical properties of graphene under high pressure. We performed surgery to remove the tumor from the liver. The introduction of the new assembly line increased manufacturing.
  • 52. Common mistakes Place the correct word from the list into the space. 1. When compared ___________ that of last year’s model, the screen resolution of the new monitor is considerably better. 2. After the experiment, that data __________ analyzed to determine reaction efficiency. 3. The highest and second highest peaks corresponded to calcium and sodium, _______________. with were respectively
  • 53. Common mistakes Place the correct word from the list into the space. 4. Hanako had the highest score __________ the students in the class. 5. The patients were 47 __________ 53 years old. among − (en dash)
  • 54. Simple language Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words. 1. The rats were fed a high protein diet and subsequently tested in the water maze. 2. We endeavored to validate our hypothesis with a smaller sample size. 3. After analyzing the results, it was apparent that the drug was exceedingly effective.
  • 55. Simple language Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words. 1. The rats were fed a high protein diet and later tested in the water maze. 2. We tried to validate our hypothesis with a smaller sample size. 3. After analyzing the results, it was clear that the drug was very effective.
  • 56. Simple language Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words. 4. The experiments were terminated once a sufficient amount of data was collected. 5. Our results show that the utilization of this new method is more efficient than currently utilized methods.
  • 57. Simple language Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words. 4. The experiments were ended once enough data were collected. 5. Our results show that the use of this new method is more efficient than currently used methods.
  • 58. Simple language Replace the complicated words in the following sentences with simpler words. 4. The experiments were ended once enough data was collected. 5. Our results show that using this new method is more efficient than currently used methods.
  • 59. a majority of rapidly a number of many, several, some at a rapid rate because of as a consequence of based on on the basis of most a majority of rapidly a number of many, several, some at a rapid rate because of as a consequence of based on on the basis of most Unnecessary words
  • 60. a majority of rapidly a number of many, several, some at a rapid rate because of as a consequence of based on on the basis of most at this point in time although based on the fact that to completely filled currently despite the fact that filled in order to because Unnecessary words
  • 61. Thank you! Any questions? Follow us on Twitter @JournalAdvisor Like us on Facebook facebook.com/EdanzEditing Download and further reading edanzediting.co.jp/kyushu_140703 Jeffrey Robens: jrobens@edanzgroup.com

×