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The bumper book of insults

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  • 1. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ The Bumper Book of Insults By http://earningeasymoney.net/
  • 2. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children; imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylan’s kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie! Now she’s at rest and so am I If people don’t sit at Chaplin’s feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Fox’s Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid person’s idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch people’s attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before. If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for. People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals. I wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get.
  • 3. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. I’m very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I don’t hold your behaviour against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest.
  • 4. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so. Man alive! But I wish you weren’t. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.
  • 5. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
  • 6. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet.
  • 7. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair.
  • 8. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen."
  • 9. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
  • 10. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.
  • 11. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
  • 12. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.
  • 13. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
  • 14. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!
  • 15. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it.
  • 16. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
  • 17. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral.
  • 18. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down.
  • 19. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
  • 20. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
  • 21. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.
  • 22. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!
  • 23. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
  • 24. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
  • 25. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock!
  • 26. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents.
  • 27. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person.
  • 28. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
  • 29. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
  • 30. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you.
  • 31. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
  • 32. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.
  • 33. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice.
  • 34. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
  • 35. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point?
  • 36. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
  • 37. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!"
  • 38. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity.
  • 39. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
  • 40. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth?
  • 41. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others? I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
  • 42. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more!
  • 43. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
  • 44. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents.
  • 45. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
  • 46. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
  • 47. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound.
  • 48. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago.
  • 49. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.
  • 50. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
  • 51. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall!
  • 52. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE
  • 53. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
  • 54. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof.
  • 55. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you?
  • 56. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others? I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Id like to leave you with one thought...but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Ive seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If what you dont know cant hurt you, shes invulnerable. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M.
  • 57. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! Pardon me, but youve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadnt. There is no vaccine against stupidity. Yo momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock! Yo momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting. Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL" Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread. Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap! Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: Shes practically giving it all away. Yo momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open. Yo momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will. Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her. Yo momma like a Dennys: Open 24 hours. Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin!" Yo momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in. Yo momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow. Yo momma like a bus: Fifty cents and shes ready to ride! Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her! Yo momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods. Yo momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one! Yo momma like a race car: Shes always burning rubber.
  • 58. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country. Yo momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in! Yo momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up! Yo momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows. Yo momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat. Yo momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away. Yo momma like a stop sign: Shes on every corner. Yo momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck. Yo momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar! Yo momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" Yo momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick. Yo momma like mustard: She spreads easy. Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay. Yo momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke! Yo momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies. Yo momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens. Yo momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum. Yo momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning. Yo momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!" Yo momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube. Yo momma so short she trips on spit. Yo momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito. Yo momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! Yo momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left! You may be a beauiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside!
  • 59. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Your so stupid you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appitite! Your so fat when you go to Sea World they pay you! Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?! Your so fat when you go to theme parks you get a group discount! The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! Your so dumb you spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for a door knob! Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"! Who wears your GOOD clothes? Who wears your CLEAN clothes? You better hide, the garbage collector is coming! Your so bald, when you wear a turtle neck you look like one! Its impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. If this student were any more stupid, hed have to be watered twice a week. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming. When your daughters IQ reaches 50, she should sell. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.
  • 60. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
  • 61. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet.
  • 62. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?
  • 63. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since.
  • 64. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.
  • 65. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!
  • 66. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.
  • 67. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm.
  • 68. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
  • 69. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.
  • 70. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do.
  • 71. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
  • 72. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings?
  • 73. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others? I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside.
  • 74. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Id like to leave you with one thought...but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Ive seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If what you dont know cant hurt you, shes invulnerable. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! Pardon me, but youve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadnt. There is no vaccine against stupidity. Yo momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock! Yo momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting. Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL"
  • 75. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread. Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap! Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: Shes practically giving it all away. Yo momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open. Yo momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will. Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her. Yo momma like a Dennys: Open 24 hours. Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin!" Yo momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in. Yo momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow. Yo momma like a bus: Fifty cents and shes ready to ride! Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her! Yo momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods. Yo momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one! Yo momma like a race car: Shes always burning rubber. Yo momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country. Yo momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in! Yo momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up! Yo momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows. Yo momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat. Yo momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away. Yo momma like a stop sign: Shes on every corner. Yo momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck.
  • 76. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar! Yo momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" Yo momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick. Yo momma like mustard: She spreads easy. Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay. Yo momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke! Yo momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies. Yo momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens. Yo momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum. Yo momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning. Yo momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!" Yo momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube. Yo momma so short she trips on spit. Yo momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito. Yo momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! Yo momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left! You may be a beauiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Your so stupid you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appitite! Your so fat when you go to Sea World they pay you! Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?! Your so fat when you go to theme parks you get a group discount! The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! Your so dumb you spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for a door knob! Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"! Who wears your GOOD clothes?
  • 77. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Who wears your CLEAN clothes? You better hide, the garbage collector is coming! Your so bald, when you wear a turtle neck you look like one! Its impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. If this student were any more stupid, hed have to be watered twice a week. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming. When your daughters IQ reaches 50, she should sell. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it alltogether. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. I would not allow this student to breed. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. If you cant live without me, why arent you dead already? Youd make a lovely corpse! I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Youre a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh? Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? You love nature in spite of what it did to you? I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? I wish Id known you when you were alive. If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! Whats on your mind? If youll forgive the overstatement. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
  • 78. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre a mouse studying to be a rat. Dont look now, but theres one too many in this room and I think its you. Every time Im next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone. I cant believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest! If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? Theres nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wont cure. Why dont you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? Youre a good example of why some animals eat their young. You find a porn movie in your sons room. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. There is no vaccine against stupidity. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! Id like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. He is the kind of a man that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot. If you were my dog, Id shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards. Youve got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt. Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Yo momma is like a bowling ball she comes back for more Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets picked up fingered and thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more Yo momma is like a door nob... every one gets a turn Yo momma is like a vacuum cleaner she suck she blows and she gets laid in the closet Yo mommas is just like a rooster the rooster goes cockadoodledo and Yo mommas goes AnyCockllDo! Yo mommas is so fat that she block the sun and everbody though that she was the moon
  • 79. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo mommas so black, her legs look like leather pants at night. Yo mommas so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone! Yo mommas so fat she have to bathe in the ocean Yo mommas so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washingtons nose. Yo mommas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials. Yo mommas so fat she wears a blue dress ands lays on the beach and peaple think shes a beached whale! Yo mommas so fat she wears a real horse on her Polo shirt. Yo mommas so fat shes on both sides of the family. Yo mommas so fat shes done with a marathon before it starts. Yo mommas so fat that when she puts on a black shirt and jumpes in the ocean, everyone thinks theres an oil spill. Yo mommas so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs. Yo mommas so fat when she farts its almost like a volcanic eruption. Yo mommas so fat when she gets on the bus she sits next to everyone! Yo mommas so fat when she wears heels, they strike oil. Yo mommas so fat when she went into the pool she hydrated. Yo mommas so old she makes yoda jellis! Yo mommas so old she was still alive when the dead sea was just sick. Yo mommas so old wen i squeesed her tits creem cheese came out. Yo mommas so poor I saw her walking down the street kicking a can,I said what you doing mrs. johnson, she said MOVING. Yo mommas so poor i stepped through her front door and fell out the back. Yo mommas so poor she djs for the ice cream truck. Yo mommas so poor she sells beans on toast at carnival Yo mommas so so fat when she steped on a scale it said to be contiued! Yo mommas so stupid I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon. Yo mommas so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 mineuts. Yo mommas so stupid she climbed a glass wall to what was on the other side
  • 80. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo mommas so stupid she got fired from a blow job. Yo mommas so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and still peed her pants. Yo mommas so stupid she put light bulbs on a christmas tree. Yo mommas so stupid she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!Yo mommas so stupid she sold his cramra to buy film. Yo mommas so stupid she stared at an orange juice box because it said He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for.
  • 81. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account?
  • 82. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
  • 83. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
  • 84. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested.
  • 85. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?
  • 86. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me.
  • 87. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes.
  • 88. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest.
  • 89. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back!
  • 90. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
  • 91. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
  • 92. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future.
  • 93. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
  • 94. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others? I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Id like to leave you with one thought...but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Ive seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
  • 95. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If what you dont know cant hurt you, shes invulnerable. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! Pardon me, but youve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadnt. There is no vaccine against stupidity. Yo momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock! Yo momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting. Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL" Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread. Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap! Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: Shes practically giving it all away. Yo momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open. Yo momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will. Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her. Yo momma like a Dennys: Open 24 hours. Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin!" Yo momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in. Yo momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow. Yo momma like a bus: Fifty cents and shes ready to ride! Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
  • 96. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods. Yo momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one! Yo momma like a race car: Shes always burning rubber. Yo momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country. Yo momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in! Yo momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up! Yo momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows. Yo momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat. Yo momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away. Yo momma like a stop sign: Shes on every corner. Yo momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck. Yo momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar! Yo momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" Yo momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick. Yo momma like mustard: She spreads easy. Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay. Yo momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke! Yo momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies. Yo momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens. Yo momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum. Yo momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning. Yo momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!" Yo momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube. Yo momma so short she trips on spit.
  • 97. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito. Yo momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! Yo momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left! You may be a beauiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Your so stupid you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appitite! Your so fat when you go to Sea World they pay you! Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?! Your so fat when you go to theme parks you get a group discount! The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! Your so dumb you spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for a door knob! Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"! Who wears your GOOD clothes? Who wears your CLEAN clothes? You better hide, the garbage collector is coming! Your so bald, when you wear a turtle neck you look like one! Its impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. If this student were any more stupid, hed have to be watered twice a week. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming. When your daughters IQ reaches 50, she should sell. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it alltogether. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. I would not allow this student to breed. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. If you cant live without me, why arent you dead already?
  • 98. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youd make a lovely corpse! I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Youre a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh? Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? You love nature in spite of what it did to you? I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? I wish Id known you when you were alive. If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! Whats on your mind? If youll forgive the overstatement. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving. Youre a mouse studying to be a rat. Dont look now, but theres one too many in this room and I think its you. Every time Im next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone. I cant believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest! If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? Theres nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wont cure. Why dont you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? Youre a good example of why some animals eat their young. You find a porn movie in your sons room. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. There is no vaccine against stupidity. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! Id like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • 99. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. He is the kind of a man that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot. If you were my dog, Id shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards. Youve got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt. Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Yo momma is like a bowling ball she comes back for more Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets picked up fingered and thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more Yo momma is like a door nob... every one gets a turn Yo momma is like a vacuum cleaner she suck she blows and she gets laid in the closet Yo mommas is just like a rooster the rooster goes cockadoodledo and Yo mommas goes AnyCockllDo! Yo mommas is so fat that she block the sun and everbody though that she was the moon Yo mommas so black, her legs look like leather pants at night. Yo mommas so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone! Yo mommas so fat she have to bathe in the ocean Yo mommas so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washingtons nose. Yo mommas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials. Yo mommas so fat she wears a blue dress ands lays on the beach and peaple think shes a beached whale! Yo mommas so fat she wears a real horse on her Polo shirt. Yo mommas so fat shes on both sides of the family. Yo mommas so fat shes done with a marathon before it starts. Yo mommas so fat that when she puts on a black shirt and jumpes in the ocean, everyone thinks theres an oil spill. Yo mommas so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs. Yo mommas so fat when she farts its almost like a volcanic eruption. Yo mommas so fat when she gets on the bus she sits next to everyone!
  • 100. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo mommas so fat when she wears heels, they strike oil. Yo mommas so fat when she went into the pool she hydrated. Yo mommas so old she makes yoda jellis! Yo mommas so old she was still alive when the dead sea was just sick. Yo mommas so old wen i squeesed her tits creem cheese came out. Yo mommas so poor I saw her walking down the street kicking a can,I said what you doing mrs. johnson, she said MOVING. Yo mommas so poor i stepped through her front door and fell out the back. Yo mommas so poor she djs for the ice cream truck. Yo mommas so poor she sells beans on toast at carnival Yo mommas so so fat when she steped on a scale it said to be contiued! Yo mommas so stupid I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon. Yo mommas so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 mineuts. Yo mommas so stupid she climbed a glass wall to what was on the other side Yo mommas so stupid she got fired from a blow job. Yo mommas so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and still peed her pants. Yo mommas so stupid she put light bulbs on a christmas tree. Yo mommas so stupid she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!Yo mommas so stupid she sold his cramra to buy film. Yo mommas so stupid she stared at an orange juice box because it said concentrate Yo mommas so stupid she thought a one star hotel was the best rating Yo mommas so stupid she tried to comit suicide by jumping from the basement window. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Your so narrow minded when you walk your earings knock together.
  • 101. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Your lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. Yo mommas so stupid she walked past the YMCA and said look, somebody spelled MACYS wrong. Yo mommas so stupid that when i asked her for a color tv she asked me what He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
  • 102. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
  • 103. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
  • 104. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
  • 105. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested.
  • 106. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?
  • 107. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me.
  • 108. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes.
  • 109. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest.
  • 110. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back!
  • 111. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
  • 112. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
  • 113. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future.
  • 114. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
  • 115. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others? I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Id like to leave you with one thought...but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Ive seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
  • 116. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If what you dont know cant hurt you, shes invulnerable. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! Pardon me, but youve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadnt. There is no vaccine against stupidity. Yo momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock! Yo momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting. Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL" Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread. Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap! Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: Shes practically giving it all away. Yo momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open. Yo momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will. Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her. Yo momma like a Dennys: Open 24 hours. Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin!" Yo momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in. Yo momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow. Yo momma like a bus: Fifty cents and shes ready to ride! Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
  • 117. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods. Yo momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one! Yo momma like a race car: Shes always burning rubber. Yo momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country. Yo momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in! Yo momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up! Yo momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows. Yo momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat. Yo momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away. Yo momma like a stop sign: Shes on every corner. Yo momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck. Yo momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar! Yo momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" Yo momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick. Yo momma like mustard: She spreads easy. Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay. Yo momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke! Yo momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies. Yo momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens. Yo momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum. Yo momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning. Yo momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!" Yo momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube. Yo momma so short she trips on spit.
  • 118. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito. Yo momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! Yo momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left! You may be a beauiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Your so stupid you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appitite! Your so fat when you go to Sea World they pay you! Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?! Your so fat when you go to theme parks you get a group discount! The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! Your so dumb you spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for a door knob! Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"! Who wears your GOOD clothes? Who wears your CLEAN clothes? You better hide, the garbage collector is coming! Your so bald, when you wear a turtle neck you look like one! Its impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. If this student were any more stupid, hed have to be watered twice a week. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming. When your daughters IQ reaches 50, she should sell. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it alltogether. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. I would not allow this student to breed. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. If you cant live without me, why arent you dead already?
  • 119. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youd make a lovely corpse! I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Youre a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh? Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? You love nature in spite of what it did to you? I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? I wish Id known you when you were alive. If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! Whats on your mind? If youll forgive the overstatement. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving. Youre a mouse studying to be a rat. Dont look now, but theres one too many in this room and I think its you. Every time Im next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone. I cant believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest! If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? Theres nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wont cure. Why dont you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? Youre a good example of why some animals eat their young. You find a porn movie in your sons room. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. There is no vaccine against stupidity. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! Id like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • 120. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. He is the kind of a man that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot. If you were my dog, Id shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards. Youve got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt. Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Yo momma is like a bowling ball she comes back for more Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets picked up fingered and thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more Yo momma is like a door nob... every one gets a turn Yo momma is like a vacuum cleaner she suck she blows and she gets laid in the closet Yo mommas is just like a rooster the rooster goes cockadoodledo and Yo mommas goes AnyCockllDo! Yo mommas is so fat that she block the sun and everbody though that she was the moon Yo mommas so black, her legs look like leather pants at night. Yo mommas so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone! Yo mommas so fat she have to bathe in the ocean Yo mommas so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washingtons nose. Yo mommas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials. Yo mommas so fat she wears a blue dress ands lays on the beach and peaple think shes a beached whale! Yo mommas so fat she wears a real horse on her Polo shirt. Yo mommas so fat shes on both sides of the family. Yo mommas so fat shes done with a marathon before it starts. Yo mommas so fat that when she puts on a black shirt and jumpes in the ocean, everyone thinks theres an oil spill. Yo mommas so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs. Yo mommas so fat when she farts its almost like a volcanic eruption. Yo mommas so fat when she gets on the bus she sits next to everyone!
  • 121. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo mommas so fat when she wears heels, they strike oil. Yo mommas so fat when she went into the pool she hydrated. Yo mommas so old she makes yoda jellis! Yo mommas so old she was still alive when the dead sea was just sick. Yo mommas so old wen i squeesed her tits creem cheese came out. Yo mommas so poor I saw her walking down the street kicking a can,I said what you doing mrs. johnson, she said MOVING. Yo mommas so poor i stepped through her front door and fell out the back. Yo mommas so poor she djs for the ice cream truck. Yo mommas so poor she sells beans on toast at carnival Yo mommas so so fat when she steped on a scale it said to be contiued! Yo mommas so stupid I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon. Yo mommas so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 mineuts. Yo mommas so stupid she climbed a glass wall to what was on the other side Yo mommas so stupid she got fired from a blow job. Yo mommas so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and still peed her pants. Yo mommas so stupid she put light bulbs on a christmas tree. Yo mommas so stupid she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!Yo mommas so stupid she sold his cramra to buy film. Yo mommas so stupid she stared at an orange juice box because it said concentrate Yo mommas so stupid she thought a one star hotel was the best rating Yo mommas so stupid she tried to comit suicide by jumping from the basement window. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Your so narrow minded when you walk your earings knock together.
  • 122. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Your lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. Yo mommas so stupid she walked past the YMCA and said look, somebody spelled MACYS wrong. Yo mommas so stupid that when i asked her for a color tv she asked me what color. Yo mommass so fat she got tired climing the escalater. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
  • 123. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
  • 124. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile!
  • 125. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.
  • 126. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!
  • 127. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside.
  • 128. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo!
  • 129. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!
  • 130. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.
  • 131. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
  • 132. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control!
  • 133. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
  • 134. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent.
  • 135. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
  • 136. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others? I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
  • 137. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Id like to leave you with one thought...but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Ive seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If what you dont know cant hurt you, shes invulnerable. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! Pardon me, but youve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadnt. There is no vaccine against stupidity. Yo momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock! Yo momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting. Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL" Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread. Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap! Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: Shes practically giving it all away. Yo momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open. Yo momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will. Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her. Yo momma like a Dennys: Open 24 hours.
  • 138. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin!" Yo momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in. Yo momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow. Yo momma like a bus: Fifty cents and shes ready to ride! Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her! Yo momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods. Yo momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one! Yo momma like a race car: Shes always burning rubber. Yo momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country. Yo momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in! Yo momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up! Yo momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows. Yo momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat. Yo momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away. Yo momma like a stop sign: Shes on every corner. Yo momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck. Yo momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar! Yo momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" Yo momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick. Yo momma like mustard: She spreads easy. Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay. Yo momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke! Yo momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece.
  • 139. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies. Yo momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens. Yo momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum. Yo momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning. Yo momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!" Yo momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube. Yo momma so short she trips on spit. Yo momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito. Yo momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! Yo momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left! You may be a beauiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Your so stupid you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appitite! Your so fat when you go to Sea World they pay you! Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?! Your so fat when you go to theme parks you get a group discount! The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! Your so dumb you spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for a door knob! Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"! Who wears your GOOD clothes? Who wears your CLEAN clothes? You better hide, the garbage collector is coming! Your so bald, when you wear a turtle neck you look like one! Its impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. If this student were any more stupid, hed have to be watered twice a week. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming.
  • 140. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ When your daughters IQ reaches 50, she should sell. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it alltogether. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. I would not allow this student to breed. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. If you cant live without me, why arent you dead already? Youd make a lovely corpse! I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Youre a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh? Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? You love nature in spite of what it did to you? I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? I wish Id known you when you were alive. If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! Whats on your mind? If youll forgive the overstatement. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving. Youre a mouse studying to be a rat. Dont look now, but theres one too many in this room and I think its you. Every time Im next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone. I cant believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest! If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? Theres nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wont cure. Why dont you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
  • 141. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre a good example of why some animals eat their young. You find a porn movie in your sons room. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. There is no vaccine against stupidity. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! Id like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. He is the kind of a man that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot. If you were my dog, Id shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards. Youve got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt. Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Yo momma is like a bowling ball she comes back for more Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets picked up fingered and thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more Yo momma is like a door nob... every one gets a turn Yo momma is like a vacuum cleaner she suck she blows and she gets laid in the closet Yo mommas is just like a rooster the rooster goes cockadoodledo and Yo mommas goes AnyCockllDo! Yo mommas is so fat that she block the sun and everbody though that she was the moon Yo mommas so black, her legs look like leather pants at night. Yo mommas so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone! Yo mommas so fat she have to bathe in the ocean Yo mommas so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washingtons nose. Yo mommas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials. Yo mommas so fat she wears a blue dress ands lays on the beach and peaple think shes a beached whale! Yo mommas so fat she wears a real horse on her Polo shirt.
  • 142. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo mommas so fat shes on both sides of the family. Yo mommas so fat shes done with a marathon before it starts. Yo mommas so fat that when she puts on a black shirt and jumpes in the ocean, everyone thinks theres an oil spill. Yo mommas so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs. Yo mommas so fat when she farts its almost like a volcanic eruption. Yo mommas so fat when she gets on the bus she sits next to everyone! Yo mommas so fat when she wears heels, they strike oil. Yo mommas so fat when she went into the pool she hydrated. Yo mommas so old she makes yoda jellis! Yo mommas so old she was still alive when the dead sea was just sick. Yo mommas so old wen i squeesed her tits creem cheese came out. Yo mommas so poor I saw her walking down the street kicking a can,I said what you doing mrs. johnson, she said MOVING. Yo mommas so poor i stepped through her front door and fell out the back. Yo mommas so poor she djs for the ice cream truck. Yo mommas so poor she sells beans on toast at carnival Yo mommas so so fat when she steped on a scale it said to be contiued! Yo mommas so stupid I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon. Yo mommas so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 mineuts. Yo mommas so stupid she climbed a glass wall to what was on the other side Yo mommas so stupid she got fired from a blow job. Yo mommas so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and still peed her pants. Yo mommas so stupid she put light bulbs on a christmas tree. Yo mommas so stupid she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!Yo mommas so stupid she sold his cramra to buy film. Yo mommas so stupid she stared at an orange juice box because it said concentrate Yo mommas so stupid she thought a one star hotel was the best rating Yo mommas so stupid she tried to comit suicide by jumping from the basement window.
  • 143. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Your so narrow minded when you walk your earings knock together. Your lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. Yo mommas so stupid she walked past the YMCA and said look, somebody spelled MACYS wrong. Yo mommas so stupid that when i asked her for a color tv she asked me what color. Yo mommass so fat she got tired climing the escalater. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie !
  • 144. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
  • 145. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
  • 146. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine.
  • 147. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
  • 148. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
  • 149. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
  • 150. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!
  • 151. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.
  • 152. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
  • 153. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
  • 154. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad!
  • 155. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.
  • 156. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice.
  • 157. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others?
  • 158. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Id like to leave you with one thought...but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Ive seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If what you dont know cant hurt you, shes invulnerable. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! Pardon me, but youve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadnt. There is no vaccine against stupidity. Yo momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock! Yo momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting.
  • 159. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL" Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread. Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap! Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: Shes practically giving it all away. Yo momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open. Yo momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will. Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her. Yo momma like a Dennys: Open 24 hours. Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin!" Yo momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma like a bowling ball: You can fit three fingers in. Yo momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow. Yo momma like a bus: Fifty cents and shes ready to ride! Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long. Yo momma like a catsup bottle: Everyone gets a squeeze out of her! Yo momma like a door knob: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a goalie: Changes pads after three periods. Yo momma like a golf course: Everyone gets a hole in one! Yo momma like a race car: Shes always burning rubber. Yo momma like a railroad track: Gets laid all over the country. Yo momma like a refrigerator: Everyone puts their meat in! Yo momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn. Yo momma like a screen door: After a couple bangs she loosens up! Yo momma like a shotgun: Give her a cock and she blows. Yo momma like a smokehouse: Always full of meat. Yo momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away. Yo momma like a stop sign: Shes on every corner.
  • 160. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo momma like a vacuum cleaner: A real good suck. Yo momma like a video game: Four men for a dollar! Yo momma like an Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" Yo momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick. Yo momma like mustard: She spreads easy. Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay. Yo momma like the Pillsbury doughboy: Everyone gets a poke! Yo momma like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man: Everybody gets a piece. Yo momma pubic hair is so nappy the crabs ride dune buggies. Yo momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens. Yo momma so generous that she would give all her money to a bum. Yo momma so nasty when your daddy ate her pussy he got food poisoning. Yo momma so poor she was kickin a can, and said she was "moving!" Yo momma so pretty that I would love to fuck her in the ass without lube. Yo momma so short she trips on spit. Yo momma so small she gotta hang glide on a Dorito. Yo momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! Yo momma so stinky she make Right Guard turn left! You may be a beauiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Your so stupid you got locked in a grocery store and starved to death! You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appitite! Your so fat when you go to Sea World they pay you! Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?! Your so fat when you go to theme parks you get a group discount! The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish! Your so dumb you spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for a door knob! Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go burry it"!
  • 161. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Who wears your GOOD clothes? Who wears your CLEAN clothes? You better hide, the garbage collector is coming! Your so bald, when you wear a turtle neck you look like one! Its impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. If this student were any more stupid, hed have to be watered twice a week. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isnt coming. When your daughters IQ reaches 50, she should sell. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it alltogether. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. I would not allow this student to breed. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. If you cant live without me, why arent you dead already? Youd make a lovely corpse! I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Youre a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh? Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? You love nature in spite of what it did to you? I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? I wish Id known you when you were alive. If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! Whats on your mind? If youll forgive the overstatement. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
  • 162. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving. Youre a mouse studying to be a rat. Dont look now, but theres one too many in this room and I think its you. Every time Im next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone. I cant believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest! If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? Theres nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wont cure. Why dont you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? Youre a good example of why some animals eat their young. You find a porn movie in your sons room. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. There is no vaccine against stupidity. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! Id like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Id love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. He is the kind of a man that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot. If you were my dog, Id shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards. Youve got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt. Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Yo momma is like a bowling ball she comes back for more Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets picked up fingered and thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more Yo momma is like a door nob... every one gets a turn Yo momma is like a vacuum cleaner she suck she blows and she gets laid in the closet Yo mommas is just like a rooster the rooster goes cockadoodledo and Yo mommas goes AnyCockllDo!
  • 163. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo mommas is so fat that she block the sun and everbody though that she was the moon Yo mommas so black, her legs look like leather pants at night. Yo mommas so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone! Yo mommas so fat she have to bathe in the ocean Yo mommas so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washingtons nose. Yo mommas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials. Yo mommas so fat she wears a blue dress ands lays on the beach and peaple think shes a beached whale! Yo mommas so fat she wears a real horse on her Polo shirt. Yo mommas so fat shes on both sides of the family. Yo mommas so fat shes done with a marathon before it starts. Yo mommas so fat that when she puts on a black shirt and jumpes in the ocean, everyone thinks theres an oil spill. Yo mommas so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs. Yo mommas so fat when she farts its almost like a volcanic eruption. Yo mommas so fat when she gets on the bus she sits next to everyone! Yo mommas so fat when she wears heels, they strike oil. Yo mommas so fat when she went into the pool she hydrated. Yo mommas so old she makes yoda jellis! Yo mommas so old she was still alive when the dead sea was just sick. Yo mommas so old wen i squeesed her tits creem cheese came out. Yo mommas so poor I saw her walking down the street kicking a can,I said what you doing mrs. johnson, she said MOVING. Yo mommas so poor i stepped through her front door and fell out the back. Yo mommas so poor she djs for the ice cream truck. Yo mommas so poor she sells beans on toast at carnival Yo mommas so so fat when she steped on a scale it said to be contiued! Yo mommas so stupid I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon. Yo mommas so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 mineuts.
  • 164. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yo mommas so stupid she climbed a glass wall to what was on the other side Yo mommas so stupid she got fired from a blow job. Yo mommas so stupid she got locked in the bathroom and still peed her pants. Yo mommas so stupid she put light bulbs on a christmas tree. Yo mommas so stupid she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!Yo mommas so stupid she sold his cramra to buy film. Yo mommas so stupid she stared at an orange juice box because it said concentrate Yo mommas so stupid she thought a one star hotel was the best rating Yo mommas so stupid she tried to comit suicide by jumping from the basement window. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. Ill never forget the first time we met - although Ill keep trying. Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Your so narrow minded when you walk your earings knock together. Your lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. Yo mommas so stupid she walked past the YMCA and said look, somebody spelled MACYS wrong. Yo mommas so stupid that when i asked her for a color tv she asked me what color. Yo mommass so fat she got tired climing the escalater. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
  • 165. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth? Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Pardon me, but youve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Have you been shopping lately?.........They are selling lives at the mall........you should get one Shock me, say something intelligent. Youre so fat the last time you saw 90210 was on a scale youre as fake as a three dollar bill! You Asked For My Number I Said. 1-800 Dream On !! You got more issues than National Geographic!
  • 166. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Mirrors cant talk and lucky for you they cant laugh either!! Fashion Tip 101: You only need to wear one pair of socks at a time and they belong on your feet not in your bra Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A. From a catalogue.ur house is so dirty u have 2 wipe ur feet bfore u go outside!!! Youre so short that when you sit down on the sidewalk your feet dangle...!! Your so fat that when youre hungry the elephants hide By the way, the zoo called, the babboons want their buts backs so youll have to find a new face. You should shower so the firemen dont chase you with a hose every day You got mre chins than a chinese phone book You Know what happens when you assume? You make an ASS out of U and ME If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead. If you had another brain, it would be lonely. You suffer from symbolic phallic fantasies . You are a rotting boner. You loud Dick-Lips. You urine soaked Swine. You suffer from symbolic phallic tendencies . 100,000 sperm and You were the fastest? And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be? Another dopeless hope fiend! Are you always an idiot, or just when Im around? Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? Did you take a shit today? Well, put it back!
  • 167. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Die Yuppie Scum! Dumbass! Hey jerk! You are driving a car, not a phone booth Hows My Driving? Dial 1-800-EAT SHIT I fart to make you smell better. I may be fat but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport If I wanted a bitch.....I would have bought a DOG!!! If I would like to hear from an asshole, I’d fart! If you dont like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative If you want to get laid, crawl up a chickens ass and wait! Instant idiot. Just add alcohol. Its men like you that make women gay. Its time to pull over and change the air in your head! I Wonder if Youd Drive Any Better if that CAR PHONE was UP YOUR BUTT My kid got your honor student pregnant! My kid knocked up your honor student. My other ride is your mom. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself Save the planet! Kill yourself! Save Your Breath. Youll need it to blow up your date! THE EARTH IS FULL GO HOME The gene pool could use a little chlorine. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chickens ass and wait! Watch out for the idiot behind me.
  • 168. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ When I want your opinion, Ill beat it out of you. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Why Are You Staring At My Bumper!? You Pervert! Youre the reason God created the middle finger. You are a loser. I am a goddess. Any questions? You are depriving some poor village of its Idiot. You are proof that God has a sense of humor. You cant fix stupid You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. Your child may be an honors student, but Youre a moron. Your honor student swallows! Your Kid May Be An Honor Student But Youre Still An Idiot. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. Your village just called. There missing an idiot.
  • 169. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Sponsored by http://getphp.net http://programmershelp.net http://findmewholesalers.com http://findmedropshippers.com http://onlineworkouts.info

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