The bumper book of insults

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The bumper book of insults

  1. 1. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ The Bumper Book of Insults By http://earningeasymoney.net/
  2. 2. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children; imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylan’s kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie! Now she’s at rest and so am I If people don’t sit at Chaplin’s feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Fox’s Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid person’s idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch people’s attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before. If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for. People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals. I wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get.
  3. 3. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. I’m very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I don’t hold your behaviour against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest.
  4. 4. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so. Man alive! But I wish you weren’t. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.
  5. 5. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
  6. 6. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet.
  7. 7. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair.
  8. 8. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen."
  9. 9. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
  10. 10. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.
  11. 11. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
  12. 12. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.
  13. 13. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
  14. 14. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!
  15. 15. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it.
  16. 16. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
  17. 17. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral.
  18. 18. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down.
  19. 19. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
  20. 20. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
  21. 21. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.
  22. 22. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!
  23. 23. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
  24. 24. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
  25. 25. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock!
  26. 26. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents.
  27. 27. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person.
  28. 28. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
  29. 29. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
  30. 30. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you.
  31. 31. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
  32. 32. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.
  33. 33. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound. Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice.
  34. 34. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago. You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
  35. 35. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along. Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point?
  36. 36. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
  37. 37. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall! Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!"
  38. 38. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity.
  39. 39. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life --- but I wish youd let us have it. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
  40. 40. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A 20th century man... The guy has no future. A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards. A black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes. A couple of slates short of a full roof. A couplet short of a sonnet. A cup and saucer short of a place setting. A day late and a dollar short. A deadbolt with a broken cylinder. A doughnut short of being a cop. A few beads short in her rosary. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if youd had enough oxygen at birth?
  41. 41. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Dont you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! Go ahead, tell them everything you know. Itll only take 10 seconds. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. Hes not stupid; hes possessed by a retarded ghost. Heres 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! Hi! Im a human being! What are you? How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? Id like to see things from your point of view but I cant seem to get my head that far up my ass. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. I bet your mother has a loud bark! I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont think you are a fool. But then whats MY opinion against thousands of others? I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobodys fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
  42. 42. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I would ask you how old you are but I know you cant count that high. Id like to help you out. Which way did you come in? He was happily married - but his wife wasnt. Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way? I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Actually, I never liked Dylans kind of music before; I always thought he sounded just like Yogi Bear. Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! Now shes at rest and so am I If people dont sit at Chaplins feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting Foxs Book of Martyrs in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats. The biggest no-talent I ever worked with. The stupid persons idea of a clever person. It is only too easy to catch peoples attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you dont want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? Youre a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into peoples hair. I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!! I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that youve never used it. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; thats all theyre good for. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority! You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. I wish you were all here. I dont like to think there is more!
  43. 43. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and thats the best friend you can get. I dont think you are a fool. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool. Im very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible. I dont hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement. Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? Ill arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes. You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. All that you are you owe to your parents. Why dont you send them a penny and square the account? I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
  44. 44. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Sit down and give your mind a rest. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt Ill think so. Man alive! But I wish you werent. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap. You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesnt like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, thats the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. Its your life -- but I wish youd let us have it. Hey, act your age -- senile! Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feelfor you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you. In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him." We know you could not live without us. Well pay for the funeral. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car, it shouldnt be listed under accidents.
  45. 45. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I dont consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth. You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it! A dope you are and dope will remain.Completely unlike cocaine. You add to, not diminish, pain! We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there? Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up. Lets play house. You be the door and Ill slam you. I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. Its for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
  46. 46. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours. You are the only person Ive ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and its been downhill ever since. You are so boring that you cant even entertain a doubt. I dont mind that you are talking so long as you dont mind that Im not listening. I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. In the next life, youll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when Im interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadnt. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
  47. 47. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and its fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. Im busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I dont know. Whats your name? Take a vacation; go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart! You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.Youre a habit Id like to kick; with both feet!! I hear the only place youre ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. Youve never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed, youd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, dont charge more than a penny. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull? Whats the latest dope -- besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You dont believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound.
  48. 48. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. You were born because your mother didnt believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. I admire you because Ive never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat. Youre acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. Well, Ill see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Lets play horse. Ill be the front end and you be yourself. Ill never forget the first time we met -- although, Ill keep trying. You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, youll do. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldnt say hello, Id say boo! I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too. I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly. Ive hated your looks from the stare they gave me. Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more! Someone took a photo of you once, but it didnt turn out. You could be seen too clearly. So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago.
  49. 49. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ You should do some soul-searching. Maybe youll find one. The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late! I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe youll windup with lockjaw. I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane! If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you? If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Youre nobodys fool. Lets see if we can get someone to adopt you. They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did? Youre very smart. You have brains you never used. Youre not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. Eventually, you will get what you asked for. Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick? You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face! You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!! At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world. Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit. You always have your ear to the ground. So hows life in the gutter? Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.
  50. 50. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up. You are pretty as a picture and wed love to hang you. You will never be able to live down to your reputation! Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours. Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. Dont get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know youve got a palm. Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone. Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you? Id like to break the monotony; wheres your weakest point? The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank! You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter. You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. Sure, Ive seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission... Hi there, Im a human being! What are you? Ive seen more life in a down and outs vest. Youre red shirt goes well with your eyes... Save your breath...Youll need it to blow up your date. Shouldnt you have a license for being that ugly? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
  51. 51. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes. Youre about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo. Id love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you cant count that high. You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control. He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldnt say Hi to folk, Id say BOO! Youve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it! I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today? Sure, Id love to help you out...now, which way did you come in? Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldnt have given you worse advice... I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom...and its been downhill ever since! I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock. Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap! I know what sign you were born under...RED LIGHT DISTRICT Ill hit you so hard by the time you come down, youll need a passport and a plane ticket back! Ill hit you so hard you ll have to take off your shoes to shit! Ill hit you so hard youll have to unzip your pants to say hi! Ill hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! Ill hit you so hard your wife will fall!
  52. 52. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre so dumb you think socialism means partying! Youre so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! Youre so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Youre so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the Ws. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits Youre so ugly youd make a train take a dirt road! Youre so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! Youre so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, theyd arrest you for mooning! Youre so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, theyd say "Sorry, no professionals!" Youre so ugly your face is closed on weekends! Youre so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! Youre so ugly if my dog looked like you, Id shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! Youre so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! Youre so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" Youre so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! Shes so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! Shes so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you Youre so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE
  53. 53. By http://earningeasymoney.net/ Youre so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! Youre so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! Youre so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-its-coming-towards- us! Youre so fat if you got your shoes shined, youd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cockll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. Youre so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Youre like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say your stupidity. Well Ill see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. Ive had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Youre the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Dont you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldnt be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree Ive wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

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