While most students fear a sadistic stranger rapist, the reality is these types of individuals only account for 1% of reported rapes. According to RAINN, in 73% of reported rapes the rapist will be someone known to the victim. If women live in fear of the sadistic stranger rapist who jumps out of dark alleys or bushes to attack them, then they will miss the subtle, sneaky, coercive, con-man approach that most rapists employ before a physical attack. Known assailants wear victim’s resistance down with charm, guilt, threats or other types of coercion. Make no mistake about it; coercion is the weapon of choice most rapists’ use to control their intended target. My objective is to educate students on the different rapist personalities as well as the coercive weapons they employ. With this information, students can develop an escape plan earlier, to get away before the situation physically escalates. If and when it does escalate, Basic RAD techniques are there to increase their chances of escape.
Here is what we will be discussing for the next two hours.
Who I am – and why I wrote this.
FBI Behavioral Sciences Unit and the Date Rape Self Defense Handbook.Identify the statistics on each personality. 1% Anger excitation, 4% Anger retaliatory, the remaining 95% - the statistics waiver on evenly on the first two between 40 – 45%.If we can help students identify potential attackers BEFORE the attack – it increases their likelihood of escape.
We don’t look at rape as a con. But in its basic form that is what it starts out as. I was inspired to write this program because I about have a stroke every time I hear “So what were you wearing” when asking a rape victim about the incident. Why not ask the scumbag – Hey why did you decide to rape today?Not all attacks are spontaneous assaults. I wanted to explore how we could help students prevent attacks that might start off verbally.
Is there ample room here to develop a verbal or physical plan of action? YES!What I hone in on is the fact that this type of “prevalent” rapist RARELY carries a weapon. How does that empower our studetns?
If a victim tries to talk her way out of this type of an attack, it feeds his fantasy that they are in a relationship.
If these do not work, then it is time to escalate your escape plan. Move on to “GET BACK”, LEAVE ME ALONE. Prepare to use your physical techniques.Reassurance rapists – when interviewed said they did not like confrontation – they would back away from the rape.
They CHOOSE their acts. THEY CHOOSE - not the woman wearing the little black dress – or the woman having a drink – or the woman driving to Walgreens at midnight.
HAS THE CONFIDENCE TO USE A CON!!!!Mainly uses FIST.How many of your students believe most rapists carry guns or knives?Attacks multiple times in one evening. Usually attacks the same age range.He assaults in early evening hours when he can meet women.Does not preplan attack, opportunistic, often meets victims the same evening as rape.
If you resist, scream & fight violently, but realize he will get angrierFight to decimate and incapacitate!The rapist’s manhood is in question your aggressions threatens thisHis goal is to humiliate, not tortureIf you choose to not try to escape, anger him as little as possible to increase your chance of survival.
The more assertive the better. Let him no in no uncertain terms that you are not a victim!
This personality type gets the most media attention. Chelsea King – CarlyBrusciaAlmost no sexual fantasy - he simply strikesHe has an explosive personality; acquaintances report a dark side to offenderGenerally a lone wolf as opposed to loner; he can socialize but prefers to be aloneIf married, it is more than once. He usually has physical conflicts with wife/girlfriend – and many domestic violence calls to policeRelationships are superficial no one really knows himHe usually attacks victims in own age range – not elderly
Resistance may enrage - if you decide to fight give everything you have
You can not talk your way out of this. FIGHT NOW. You will have to get physical.
Releasing anger is his primary goalPunishes women because he believes them to be evil and powerfulPlans extensively.Uses instruments and devices. counts on victim to provide attack opportunity His favorite weapon is a knifeHis approach method; con, voice is non emotional and practicedAge of victim does not matterNo pattern to attackHe is outgoing well liked with a high IQ and white collar jobIf he has a wife, she will be under his control, a slaveHe drives a family type vehicle
THIS IS A DIRE SITUATION.
As women, we don’t give ourselves the space to believe. Why is that?So as I mentioned before – rapists use cons to get close to their targets. Here are some examples of controlling behavior. These criminal techniques are from Gift of Fear.
These criminal techniques were taken from gift of fear. While not exclusive to rapists, these are good signs that someone is trying to control you.I did my best to frame these examples in a rape aggression context.
Slick sales person.Ask for examples:The question is – WHY is this person attempting to charm me – what does he not want me to see?
Personally, I place people who talk really fast in this category. If you come at me like a coked up spider monkey – you are already on my problem list.These examples I have framed in a rape paradigm.
Now that we have all this information about an attackers personality, how can we utilize it to help our escape plan?If 95% of rapists start out with a con, what weapons can we give students for defense?We give them WORDS. We give them permission to use their voice as a personal weapon.Explain your experience with students and “stop talking to me.”
I don’t think students think that using their voice as a weapon. Most of the time they are afraid of this weapon!In this case action will be using your voice – this is the first building block in RAD.
YOU ARE YOUR OWN FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE. Your voice and your words are a personal weapon.Refuse anyone who insists on an immediate answer.Turn down those who attempt to flatter or con you.Say no initially and change your mind if you wish.Request details before committing to something.
How many of you think your students believe this?How many of you have heard the “well if I don’t make eye contact he won’t notice me comment? Why are they afraid to be noticed?
Keep head and body straight while you talk. Arms at side, feet shoulder width apart. Do not tilt head.Avoid giggling, laughing or smiling.Avoid statements that invite dissatisfaction. “You might not like this”
No passive aggressiveness, no hints, no silence – use your words!You may have to repeat yourself.
IN CONCLUSIONIt is imperative that we educate our students about the realities of rape. Not just from the stand point of helping them to understand it can and will happen, but how it will happen. Myths, media and misperceptions only serve to keep women from being informed and understanding that they have the power to protect themselves verbally and physically. Most women feel helpless to prevent rape, so they choose to ignore the signs or stay rooted in the mythical belief that it will never happen to them. You know what, they are 73% right. It will not happen to them the way they have seen on television, the stranger hiding in the dark waiting to attack. Let’s get real about the realities of how the majority of rapes occur. Instead of relying on the Hollywood version, (a man physically attacks a woman, she does not fight back, and he gets away with the attack), let’s focus on the predatory dance that can be identified, understood, and avoided. 73% of reported known assailant rapes use coercion, charm, verbal abuse to get close to potential targets in order to physically attack and rape. We can help students identify pre-violence and pre-rape indicators. Thus giving them power to help themselves instead of believing the myth that women are helpless and there is nothing they can do but live in fear. We must arm students with options to deflect coercion, charm and verbal abuse in order for them to gain precious time to escape an attack.
Aimee Rad Block Version 2
Rapist Personalities and Pre-Rape Indicators<br />Aimee D. Dudas<br />
“Predicting human behavior is no more than reading the signals others give us.”<br />- Gavin de Becker<br />
Presentation Outline<br />Review the General Personality types of rapists<br /> Review Pre-rape Indicators, Criminal Techniques<br /> Review Assertiveness Preparation<br /> Practice Verbal scenarios<br />
Four categories of Rape Personalities:<br />Power-reassurance<br />Power-assertive<br />Anger-retaliatory<br />Anger excitation<br />
Power-Reassurance – The Gentleman Rapist<br /> “The best cons make the <br />victim want to participate.”<br />- Gavin de Becker<br />
General Description Power-Reassurance<br />He rarely carries a weapon however uses coercion, manipulation or threat of violence to get control of his intended target<br />Attacks to overcome fears of inadequacy <br />Lacks confidence to develop & maintain a relationship<br />Has complex sexual fantasy<br />Considers rape to be a consensual relationship with a woman.<br />Acts to regain control & power in a world where he feels none<br />
Escape Plan Power-Reassurance<br />Don’t attempt to reason with him - utilize angry, forceful statements<br />SPEAK UP. Be direct. Break through the “couples” fantasy in his head. <br />YELL. Make him understand what he is about to do is rape and a crime.<br /> If he is disrespecting your boundaries and repeated “no’s”, GET OUT NOW.<br />
Verbal Options Power-reassurance<br />“I don’t want to have sex. I said no. If you continue it will be rape.”<br />“You are attempting to rape me, STOP.”<br />“I do not like you. Stop touching me.”<br />“You are raping me, this is not consensual sex.”<br />“We are not in a relationship. I have said no, this is rape.”<br />
POWER-ASSERTIVE - The Control Freak/ Self-Centered Rapist<br /> “People who commit terrible violence choose their acts from many options.”<br />- Gavin de Becker<br />
General Description Power-Assertive<br />Has the confidence to use a good con to get close to his target<br />Personality is easiest to identify prior to attack.<br />Domineering, insists on his way, cruel to others. <br />Feels easily threatened and challenged by women <br />Often there is a sudden change in personality when threatened. <br />Highly unpredictable<br />He mainly relies on his fist as a weapon.<br />He tears off victims clothes since there is no doubt that she wants him.<br />
Escape Plan Power-Assertive<br />Begging and crying are ineffectual<br />Be assertive. Utilize angry, forceful, direct statements<br />Look for an escape route<br />If you react weakly, he will believe he is justified in raping you <br />Shatter his fantasy of your powerlessness by refusing to be a victim<br />If verbal's don’t work, use your personal weapons.<br /> You can use co-operative self defense to calm him & find opportunity for escape<br />TRUST YOUR GUT<br />
Verbal Options<br />“I do not want to have sex with you. LEAVE ME ALONE!”<br /> Back off!<br />“If I really wanted to have sex with you, I would say yes.”<br />“You are raping me. Rape is a crime.”<br />“I don’t like you! Back off!”<br />
ANGER RETALITORY - The Revenge Rapist<br />“Recklessness & bravado are features of many violent people.”<br />- Gavin de Becker<br />
General Description Anger-Retalitory<br />He retaliates against women quickly with a high level of violence<br />He uses excessive force, usually a blitz approach in isolated areas. It exceeds what is necessary to control his target<br />Attacks to get even with and degrade women for real or imagined wrongs <br />Commonly there is a precipitating event that triggers his rage. (family argument, some perceived slight, job loss, etc) <br />Although he may not originally intend to kill his victim, HE FREQUENTLY DOES<br />He attacks any time of day or night, spending a short time with victim<br />
Escape Plan Anger-Retalitory<br />ESCAPE IMMEDIATELY!<br />Do not let him take you to a secondary location<br />He will lie about letting you go<br />Pick a path and stick with it, choose to fight or be compliant<br />Rapist has low frequency between crimes - highly volatile<br />This rapist has zero tolerance for erratic behavior<br />If compliant, try to limit the level of violence<br />TRUST YOUR GUT<br />
Verbal Options Anger-Retalitory<br />Do not verbally challenge him<br />Yell NO! Go straight to physical defense techniques.<br />Fight to incapacitate and ESCAPE.<br />Give your all because your life is at stake.<br />
ANGER-EXCITIVE - The Sadistic Rapist<br /> “Niceness does not equal goodness. People seeking to control people will almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning.”<br />- Gavin de Becker<br />
General Description Anger-Excitive<br />Though least common, this attacker is the most dangerous <br />Attacks women as an outlet for the rage he feels towards other things<br />Sexual gratification comes from inflicting pain & observing results<br />Tells victim ahead of time what is going to happen to incite fear<br />Fixated on anal sex: he sees it as degrading.<br />HE INTENDS TO KILL HIS VICTIM.<br />Keeps his victims over a period of hours or days<br />He takes victim to secluded area, isolation emboldens him.<br />
Escape Plan Anger-Excitive<br />He is very dangerous & clever<br />Be aware of your instincts and FOLLOW THEM<br />If your gut says fight, FIGHT!<br />If you carry a weapon – USE IT<br />Escape or resistance is very difficult once he has control of you<br />Injury increases with his heightened anger, so you must resist cleverly <br />Do not give up!<br />
Verbal Options<br />Use cooperative verbal defense to try and de-escalate his hostility<br />Do not verbally threaten him; he will escalate physical violence<br />Use your physical techniques and escape immediately.<br />If you choose compliance, you can buy time for escape planning by <br /> asking “What is making you so angry? Do you want to talk about <br /> it?” <br />If restrained, match wits & trick him to untie you to for chance of <br /> escape <br />
Sub-Category General Description<br /> Opportunistic rapist<br />He's there to commit another crime (robbery )<br />The victim is there and he simply seizes the opportunity<br />He's frequently under the influence of alcohol or drugs<br />If he starts raping repeatedly, he’s classified into a major category<br />
Sub-Category General Description<br /> Gang rape<br />Involves three or more offenders<br />Generally has a leader and a reluctant participant<br />These attacks are extremely violent, volatile and dangerous<br />Playing for each other's approval - gets into pack mentality<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />“The first time people show you who they are, believe them.”<br />Maya Angelou<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />Forced Teaming<br />Charm and Niceness<br />Too Many Details<br />The Unsolicited Promise<br />Typecasting<br />Loan Sharking<br />Discounting the word No<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />Forced Teaming <br /><ul><li>When a person tries to pretend that he has something in common or they are in the same predicament when that isn't true</li></ul> Examples: <br />Hey, we need to leave this bar, go somewhere quiet.<br />We use to go to high school together, remember me?<br />We need to work this out, I won’t lose my kids in a divorce<br />Hey, we bought too many groceries today! Let me help you get them to your car.<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />Charm & Niceness <br /><ul><li> Being polite and friendly in order to manipulate</li></ul> Examples: <br />A person you just met buying you many drinks<br />Someone who overly congratulating or complimenting you, repeatedly<br />Someone using so much charm it is suffocating<br />Whirlwind romances. If it is too good to be true – IT IS.<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />Too Many Details<br /><ul><li> If a person is lying they will add excessive details to make </li></ul> themselves sound more credible<br /> Examples:<br />A person who goes into deep detail about how his ex was crazy<br />Goes into great detail about how great he is. He can never do wrong.<br />Talks ad nauseam about how manipulative and untrustworthy women are<br /> Gets too personal too quickly<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />The Unsolicited Promise<br /><ul><li> A promise made when none was asked for</li></ul> Examples: <br /> Hey just one kiss and I promise I will leave you alone<br /> If you go back to my room with me, I promise we can just talk<br /> I promise if you have sex with me, I will give you a raise (get <br /> married, won’t leave you etc.)<br /> Just answer the phone so we can talk, I won’t bother you again<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />Typecasting<br /><ul><li> An insult to get a person, who would otherwise ignore him, to talk</li></ul> Examples: <br /> You’re one of those uppity women aren’t you?<br /> You don’t like to have fun do you?<br /> Are you always so condescending?<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />Loan Sharking<br /><ul><li>Giving unsolicited help and expecting favors in return</li></ul> Examples<br />Installs a GPS system in your car when not asked.<br /> Goes to your house and does work unasked <br /> Buys you dinner in hopes of sex in return <br /> Gives you a raise, expecting sex in return<br />
Criminal Techniques<br />Discounting the Word “NO”<br /><ul><li>He refuses to accept rejection</li></ul>Examples<br /><ul><li>He continues to believe he is your boyfriend/husband even though you have ended it.
He continues to call when you asked him to stop
Continues to want to buy you drinks even though you have refused</li></li></ul><li>Verbal Defense Strategies<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br /> What are your rights?<br /> Why be direct?<br /> Assertiveness Preparation<br /> Assertiveness Practice<br />
The Basic Goal<br />TRANSFER FEAR – INTO ANGER - INTO ACTION<br />
You Have the Right to:<br /> ESTABLISH and guard your personal boundaries<br /> COMMUNICATE your thoughts and feelings<br /> EXERCISE your power and choice to say no<br /> REPEAT “NO” until you are heard<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />WHY BE DIRECT?<br /> It is a normal, healthy and acceptable form of communication.<br />Assertiveness helps to develop your power and control in a situation. <br /> It increases your ability to deal with confrontation.<br /> You have a responsibility to speak up for yourself. <br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />DEVELOP a strong sense of personal identity<br />ACKNOWLEDGE the situation. Has it made you angry? Upset? Uncomfortable?<br />IDENTIFY your feelings about the situation . Is it disappointment? Anger? Frustration? fear?<br />ACCEPT your feelings and know that you are entitled to them.<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />Assertive Practice<br /> An assertive person informs the abuser that the abuse<br /> will not be tolerated.<br /> State the problem and DO NOT APOLOGIZE for a situation <br /> you have no control over.<br /> Keep good eye contact confident body language.<br /> Make short concise statements. Use “I” statements<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />“I” Statements<br /> I do not like your degrading jokes about women <br /> Please refrain from using that language.<br /> You are in my space, back up.<br /> I do not like you touching me. Stop.<br /> I do not want to hang out with you. <br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />“I” Statements<br />You are drunk and out of control. I am leaving.<br /> I appreciate that you paid for dinner, I will not have sex with you.<br />Stop pressuring me, I will not have sex with you, respect my decision.<br /> I said NO, I don’t have to give you an explanation.<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />“I” Statements<br /> No, I do not want you to walk me home, we can say <br /> goodnight right here<br /> No, I will not let you borrow my phone, I do not know you<br /> No I will not stay after work to help you with your<br /> project. It makes me uncomfortable<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />“I Statements<br /> I know I committed to go to dinner with you, however I am not comfortable with your erratic behavior, I am cancelling our date.<br /> I thought I was ready to have sex with you, I have changed my mind. I am not comfortable right now, stop.<br /> I see you are frustrated and angry. I feel unsafe, I am leaving.<br />
Verbal Action Plan<br />Make your assertion known – VERBALIZE IT!<br />If you have been heard, understood and respected, you can choose to continue the interaction or leave.<br />If you have not been heard, understood, or respected, and feel the threat level has increased, use DIRECT, CONCISE, FORCEFUL (if needed) statements.<br />If you are not being heard, understood, or respected, PHYSICALLY LEAVE THE SITUATION.<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />REMEMBER….<br />You do not have to WIN a verbal dispute<br />Do not feel like you HAVE to be heard. If he has not heard your first couple requests, he will not hear any<br />Staying and arguing will only escalate the situation<br />If you are not being heard – GET OUT – ESCAPE<br />
Verbal Defense Strategies<br />In the event of physical violence, you are entitled to defend yourself verbally and physically<br />If someone resorts to physical violence instead of choosing to understand and listen to you, GET OUT NOW!<br />Get to safety as soon as possible<br />