Learning the Language of Men

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Men and women use language differently, in part because they have different life experiences and different goals in life.

In this Women's Workshop, you will learn
some of the most common mistakes women make
when they try to communicate with the men they love
... and more effective ways to get your point across.

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Learning the Language of Men

  1. 1. Learning the Language of Men a workshop for women Dr. Debi Smith   mail@drdebismith.com          800.705.6223  
  2. 2. What  bugs  you  most  about  men?
  3. 3. What  bugs  men  most  about  us?
  4. 4. What  if  …
  5. 5. What  if  … •  Most  of  your  relaAonship  issues  were   simply  a  series  of  misunderstandings?  
  6. 6. What  if  … •  Most  of  your  relaAonship  issues  were   simply  a  series  of  misunderstandings?   •  Most  of  those  misunderstandings  were   because  he  speaks  a  different  language?  
  7. 7. What  if  … •  Most  of  your  relaAonship  issues  were   simply  a  series  of  misunderstandings?   •  Most  of  those  misunderstandings  were   because  he  speaks  a  different  language?   •  What  if  The  Lord  has  uniquely  equipped   you  to  learn  a  man’s  language?  
  8. 8. Understanding  a  Man’s  World
  9. 9. Understanding  a  Man’s  World •  More  sensiAve  than  women  from  the   start  of  life.  
  10. 10. Understanding  a  Man’s  World •  More  sensiAve  than  women  from  the   start  of  life.   •  Playground  observaAons  …  
  11. 11. Understanding  a  Man’s  World •  More  sensiAve  than  women  from  the   start  of  life.   •  Playground  observaAons  …   •  EmoAonal  expression  is  greatly   reduced  by  the  Ame  a  boy  enters   kindergarten.  
  12. 12. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code
  13. 13. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  a  Sturdy  Oak  
  14. 14. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  a  Sturdy  Oak   – Any  sign  of  weakness  is  strictly   forbidden.    
  15. 15. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  a  Sturdy  Oak   – Any  sign  of  weakness  is  strictly   forbidden.     •  Give  ‘Em  Hell  
  16. 16. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  a  Sturdy  Oak   – Any  sign  of  weakness  is  strictly   forbidden.     •  Give  ‘Em  Hell   – Risk-­‐taking  behavior  is  encouraged.  
  17. 17. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  the  Big  Wheel  
  18. 18. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  the  Big  Wheel   – Dominate  others  and  refuse  to  let   anyone  know  you  feel  like  a  failure  or   out  of  control.    
  19. 19. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  the  Big  Wheel   – Dominate  others  and  refuse  to  let   anyone  know  you  feel  like  a  failure  or   out  of  control.     •  No  Sissy  Stuff  
  20. 20. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code •  Be  the  Big  Wheel   – Dominate  others  and  refuse  to  let   anyone  know  you  feel  like  a  failure  or   out  of  control.     •  No  Sissy  Stuff   – Don’t  express  feelings  or  urges     viewed  as  feminine,  such  as   dependence.  
  21. 21. Bound  by  the  Boy  Code How  might  the  Boy  Code  impact  your   conversaAons  with  men?  
  22. 22. Understanding  the  Stone  Wall
  23. 23. Understanding  the  Stone  Wall •  Goman’s  “Love  Lab”  ObservaAons  
  24. 24. Understanding  the  Stone  Wall •  Goman’s  “Love  Lab”  ObservaAons   •  Men’s  emoAonal  reacAons  tend  to   be  expressed  physically,  rather  than   verbally.  
  25. 25. EmoAons
  26. 26. EmoAons •  Men  are  more  sensiAve  than  women.  
  27. 27. EmoAons •  Men  are  more  sensiAve  than  women.   •  They’re  sensiAve  about  different  stuff!  
  28. 28. EmoAons •  Men  are  more  sensiAve  than  women.   •  They’re  sensiAve  about  different  stuff!   •  What  you  say  has  a  profound  impact  on   your  man  …  or  any  man!  
  29. 29. EmoAons •  Men  are  more  sensiAve  than  women.   •  They’re  sensiAve  about  different  stuff!   •  What  you  say  has  a  profound  impact  on   your  man  …  or  any  man!   •  Is  he  geang  a  Red  Light     or  a  Green  Light?  
  30. 30. Language  Differences
  31. 31. Language  Differences •  Men  tend  to  process  internally.  
  32. 32. Language  Differences •  Men  tend  to  process  internally.   •  Women  tend  to  process  externally.  
  33. 33. Language  Differences •  Men  tend  to  process  internally.   •  Women  tend  to  process  externally.   •  Body  Language  –  Tannen’s  Study  
  34. 34. Language  Differences •  Men  tend  to  process  internally.   •  Women  tend  to  process  externally.   •  Body  Language  –  Tannen’s  Study   •  Women  are  more  tentaAve.  
  35. 35. Language  Differences •  Men  tend  to  process  internally.   •  Women  tend  to  process  externally.   •  Body  Language  –  Tannen’s  Study   •  Women  are  more  tentaAve.   •  Women  talk  in  paragraphs,   and  men  listen  in  sentences.  
  36. 36. Speak  His  Language
  37. 37. Speak  His  Language •  Don’t  require  him  to  be  vulnerable.  
  38. 38. Speak  His  Language •  Don’t  require  him  to  be  vulnerable.   •  Don’t  say,  “We  need  to  talk.”  
  39. 39. Speak  His  Language •  Don’t  require  him  to  be  vulnerable.   •  Don’t  say,  “We  need  to  talk.”   •  Don’t  use  examples  –  especially  if   he’s  quiet  and  doesn’t  seem  to  get   your  point.  
  40. 40. Speak  His  Language •  Engage  in  a  side-­‐by-­‐side  acAvity.  
  41. 41. Speak  His  Language •  Engage  in  a  side-­‐by-­‐side  acAvity.   •  Be  clear  about  what  you  need.  
  42. 42. Speak  His  Language •  Engage  in  a  side-­‐by-­‐side  acAvity.   •  Be  clear  about  what  you  need.   –   An  experience  to  share  
  43. 43. Speak  His  Language •  Engage  in  a  side-­‐by-­‐side  acAvity.   •  Be  clear  about  what  you  need.   –   An  experience  to  share   –   A  problem  to  solve  
  44. 44. Speak  His  Language •  Engage  in  a  side-­‐by-­‐side  acAvity.   •  Be  clear  about  what  you  need.   –   An  experience  to  share   –   A  problem  to  solve   •  Give  him  Ame  and  space     to  think  before  he  responds.  
  45. 45. Most  Importantly  …
  46. 46. Most  Importantly  … •  Learn  to  listen.  
  47. 47. Most  Importantly  … •  Learn  to  listen.   •  Listen  to  Learn.  
  48. 48. Most  Importantly  … •  Learn  to  listen.   •  Listen  to  Learn.   •  You’ll  both  be  glad  you  did!  
  49. 49. Want to learn more?   Check  out   The  Psychology  of  Men     & Romance     online  @   www.DrDebiSmith.com  

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