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Communication training 2013 a Communication training 2013 a Presentation Transcript

  • Communication Workshop © Graham Robertson Behaviour Training 2013 grobertson@thomastallis.org.ukI hope you find this selection of slides useful. Do contact me if you would like more information.
  • Be open and eclectic.... Two sets of communication skills that do make a difference in the classroom & with individuals. “Dealing with feelings that interfere with learning”. “Seven skills that invite kids to cooperate”. 14 hours.......into 1.....!!!! 2
  • Key elements of the Ginott Model• Congruent Communication – From the Latin congruere, ‘to meet together’ ie ‘connect’.• Fostering Independence and Self Respect – Dependency breeds resentment• Avoiding the Perils of Praise. – Describe what you see/feel – say it in a word!• “If rapport is lost, all is lost” 3
  • Congruent Communication• Communication which increases self-esteem and decreases conflict.• Talking with and responding to students in an empathetic manner.• Appropriate expression of anger, and the use of “sane” messages that are logical and rational. 4
  • Acting-Out Cycle 5
  • Diamond Nine ActivityShort-Term ‘Triggers’ of Behaviour • Groups of 2/3. • Prioritise ‘triggers’. • Most common at top of diamond etc. • Discuss/feedback. 6
  • Short-Term Triggers of poor behaviour.• Being shouted at. • Tiredness.• Not being listened to. • Perceptions of• Being distracted by injustice. others. • Having personal• Lack of skills to possessions taken or complete a specific destroyed. task. • Being bullied.• Failure to understand • Being nagged. instructions. • Lateness. 7
  • Skills for your ‘toolkit’.• Acknowledging children’s feelings.• Engaging cooperation.• Faber & Mazlish – How to Talk so....• Tallis site – go to ‘subjects’, – go to ‘support unit’. 8
  • If rapport is lost, all is lost!! Keeping a friendly  Common ground – disposition. identify areas. Active listening skills  Give attention to – identify feelings. them. Empathy – show that  Show interest in the identify with their whole person – needs/situation. interests etc. Ask questions. What do they think? Views? Problems? 9
  • Acknowledging children’s feelings.1. Identify the child’s feelings.2. Acknowledge the child’s feelings with a sound or word.3. Give the child in fantasy what you can’t give in reality.4. Accept the child’s feelings even as you stop unacceptable behaviour. 10
  • Don’t deny or dismiss feelings.• Angry child – “You’ve nothing to be angry about”.• Frightened child – “There’s nothing to be afraid of”.• Nervous child – “You have to toughen up”.• Miserable child – “ Come on. Cheer up”.• Moaney child – “I don’t want to hear your moaning”.• Muddled child – “Sort yourself out”.• Perplexed child – “It’s easy”.• Anxious child – “Don’t worry about it” 11
  • SK1 . Give the feeling a name.• Instead of denying the feeling ... Give the feeling a name.• Its strange. When we urge a child to push a bad feeling away, however kindly, she only seems to get more upset.• Some fear that by giving a name to the feeling they will make it worse. Just the opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what she is feeling is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged her inner experience.
  • USEFUL FEELINGS WORDSConfused Happy Worried Relaxed Angry SadMuddled Delighted Afraid Calm Cross MiserablePuzzled Cheerful Anxious Quiet Furious GloomyPerplexed Joyful Scared Peaceful Mad GlumUnsure Thrilled Nervous Still Irritated UnhappyMixed up Joyful Frightened Contented Annoyed BlueUneasy Pleased Fearful Strong Vexed Fed upWary Thrilled Uneasy Fuming Upset Careful Incensed Low Threatened Seething Down Embarrassed Withdrawn 13
  • Try to ID these feelings….• “I can’t write”• “I don’t know how to do this work”• This story is boring.• I’m going to punch his face in”• “Mr. Robertsons a ************* teacher!!• “I don’t mind really”.• “Well, OK then”
  • SK2. Acknowledge with a word.• Instead of questions and advice ... Acknowledge with a word.• Its hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is questioning, blaming or advising her.• A simple “Oh... Mmm... I see.” Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions. 16
  • SK3. Give in fantasy• Students often refuse to respond to ‘reason’.• When we express a student’s wishes in fantasy, we make it easier for her to deal with reality.• “Wouldn’t it be great if it were 3.30pm”• “You wish it were warm enough to hang out here in the LSU in a T shirt”• “Wouldn’t it be great if lessons were optional”• “I guess you would be happy if jeans were part of school uniform”• CM. 17
  • SK4 . Accept the child’s feelings even as you stop unacceptable behaviour.• “I can see you are still angry about being punched. You are scribbling on the desk. I can’t allow that. Tell me more about what happened”.• “You seem puzzled by what I’ve just said. The rule is no swearing. Now, help me to understand why you are angry with me”.• “You seem to be really thrilled to get that merit award. Tell your friends about it without shouting – thanks”! 18
  • Sample phrases for when you think your perceptions are accurate.• I understand the problem as... • I can see the situation as...• I’m sensing.... • Could it be that...• I wonder if... • Correct me if I’m wrong...• I get the impression that... • Let me see if I understand...• As I hear it, You... • You feel...• From your point of view... • It seems to you...• In your experience... • From where you stand...• As you see it... • You think...• You believe... • What I hear you saying...• I’m picking up that you... • I really hear you saying that...• Where you’re coming from... • You figure...• You mean... 19
  • Phrases to use when you have difficulty understanding• Could it be... • I wonder if...• I’m not sure if I’m with you... • Would you buy this idea...• What I guess I’m hearing is... • Correct me if I’m wrong...• Is it possible that... • Does it sound reasonable...• Could this be what’s going • From where I stand... on... • You appear to be feeling...• This is what I think I hear you • Perhaps you’re feeling... saying... • Is there any chance that you...• It appears you/me... • Is it conceivable that...• I somehow sense that maybe • Maybe I’m not with it, but... you feel... • I’m not sure if I’m with you...• Maybe you feel...• Maybe this is a long shot...
  • Avoid the destructive ‘whys’• Why can’t you be good • Why do you always rush? for a change? • Why must you be such a• Why are you so selfish? pest?• Why do you have to fight • Why are you so everybody? disorganised?• Why can’t you be like • Why are you such a other students? busybody?• Why must you interrupt • Why do you forget everyone? everything I tell you?• Why can’t you just be • Why are you so stupid? quiet once in a while? • Why are you so slow? 21
  • Engaging cooperation.1. Describe the problem2. Give information.3. Offer a choice.4. Say it with a ‘word’ or ‘gesture’.5. Describe what you feel.6. Put it in writing.7. Be playful. 22
  • SK1. Describe the problem.• Instead of accusations. – “Dale, you are so careless! There is acrylic paint all over the desk”• Describe the problem. – “Dale, there’s paint on the desk”• Instead of sarcasm. – “Whose the genius who forgot to put his name on the test”?• Describe the problem. – “I have a test paper without a name”.• Instead of orders. – “Stop that racket and get back to your class! Now! Move”!• Describe the problem. – “Boys, you can be heard down the corridor” 23
  • SK2 . Give information. Give information without insult• Instead of accusation . – “What do you think your doing? Who gave you the right to deface this desk”?• Give information. – “Desks are not for writing on. Paper is for writing on”• Instead of blame. – “Why is your computer disk on the floor? Now it’s probably ruined”.• Give information. – “Computer disks don’t work when they are scratched or dirty”.• Instead of a put-down. – “Whew, your shirt smells! Didn’t anyone ever tell you about soap and water”?• Give information. - “ Gymn clothes need a once a week wash to keep them smelling clean”.
  • SK3 Offer a choice. Threats & orders = helplessness & defiance.• Instead of an order – “Clean up the paint. Now”!• Offer a choice. – You can clear the paint up with a wet rag or a sponge.• Instead of a discouraging prophecy. – “At this rate I’ll be retired by the time you start your coursework”.• Offer a choice. – “It can be hard making a start. Do you want to think about it some more, or do you want to talk it over”?• Instead of a threat. – “If you don’t get the coursework done you’ll be in over the hols”.• Offer a choice. – “I am available after school on Tuesdays & Thursdays, or the hols are a possibility”. 25
  • Sk4. Say it with a word or gesture. Students hate long explanations & lectures• Instead of a warning – “Take your cap off or its a detention for you lad”!• Say it with a word or gesture. – “Cap”! (pat head)• Instead of a lecture. – “How many times do I need to tell you to be quiet? Do you think I’m talking for my own amusement”?• Say it with a gesture. – Finger to lips – arms/hands etc.• Instead of accusations. – “You did it again! You never leave room for margins. Thats why your coursework always looks so scruffy”.• Say it with a word. – “Margins” 26
  • SK5 .Describe what you feel. When teachers describe their feelings without attack or ridicule,students listen & respond.- make no ref to character!• Instead of sarcasm – “I see you’ve come well-prepared for the lesson Steven”.• Talk about your feelings. – “It irritates me to have to stop what I’m doing & lend you a pen every lesson”.• Instead of shaming. – “The cover teacher told me how rotten you all were to her. You aught to be ashamed of yourselves”.• Talk about your feelings. – “I didn’t like hearing that my class gave the cover teacher a hard time”.• Instead of name-calling. – “You are all so rude! Can’t you see I’m talking to Saheed”? – “It frustrates me to be interrupted when I’m talking to someone”.
  • Sk6. Put it in writing. Students often shut out adult talk.• Post-it notes. – “Too loud” – Thanks. – “On-task” – Thanks.• Marking box. – Name & Date Thats Great!• Dear Abdul,Your cour sewor k was due last Fr iday!Let me know when I can expect it .I look f or war d t o your r eply.Your s Sincer ely, 28
  • . Be playful! Sk7 Use another voice...• Dam Busters theme!• Gangster.• Muppet Show.• Andy Pandy....• Good Byeeee 29
  • How Can I Get Myself To React Less?FEEL THINK DO 30
  • How can I Get Myself To React Less?Be aware of your Inner Dialogue. Possible Possible Behaviour Feelings“Who does s/he think Anger Aggressions/he is?”“How could s/he behave Hurt Non-assertionlike that in myclassroom?”“This looks nasty: I’d Fear Non-assertionbetter go along with it”“He’s getting annoyed Calmness Assertionbut I’ve seen thisbefore”. 31
  • How can I Get Myself To React Less?• Keep control of your own behaviour so you can respond assertively.• Become aware of your own ‘inner dialogue’.• “Professionals who behave confidently and who give the impression that things are under control are less likely to be assaulted or to witness assaults”.• Plan for problem involvement of a second adult. 32
  • Communication is the key!• “The majority of situations, where there is a potential for violence, can be handled through communication”. (Quote from ‘Managing Aggression’. HMP) 33
  • Defusion StrategiesStaff should seek to:-• Appear confident. • Avoid arguing &• Display calmness. confrontation.• Create some space. • Show you are listening.• Speak slowly, gently & clearly. • Calm the student before trying to solve• Lower your voice problem.• Avoid staring 34
  • Defusion Strategies.• Give a clear statement of what you want: “ I want you to....”• Stick to your statement. Repeating as necessary. (Stuck needle technique)• Deflect the student’s responses, the ones that undermine your statement: e.g. irrelevances, arguing etc.• Preface re-statements with recognition of their view, “I’ve heard your reason for.......I want you to.....” 35
  • Defusion Strategies.Choice Take up timeGives pupils some Allows pupils not to lose control over the face. Watching and situation; is less likely waiting is, in a way, to initiate point-blank issuing a challenge. We refusal. need to be clear about expectations. 36
  • Defusion StrategiesPartial agreement ‘When...then’ direction‘Maybe you were This is trying to avoid thetalking about your work negative - No youbut now I would like cannot go out becauseyou to... you have not finished your work becomes When you have finished your work, then you can go out. 37
  • Defusion StrategiesPrivately understood Tactical ignoringsignals Appropriate forFor drawing the class attention-seekingtogether or to monitor behaviour or 2nd, focusthe noise level. on 1st behaviour. Praise the nearby pupil.. 38
  • Defusion StrategiesRedirect behaviour Consequences & sanctionsBy reminding students In line with school what they should be policy. doing. Implemented clearlyAvoid getting bogged and consistently. down in discussions •detention or ‘catch- about what is wrong. up’ ?? 39
  • Defusion Strategies.DeferredconsequencesDeal with issue later - itremoves the audience’.Avoids confrontation.A quiet 1:1 is morelikely to have a positiveoutcome. 40
  • Defusion Strategies.Non threatening body posture:• Use a calm, open posture (sitting or standing).• Reduce direct eye contact (confrontational ?).• Allow the student adequate personal space.• Keep both hands visible.• Avoid sudden movements.• Avoid audiences. 41
  • Defusion Strategies.• “Flip the script”.• “Stuck needle” technique.• “Breakaways”• “Four Step” strategy. 42
  • Reflect & Review & Resolve!• Please think over what we have touched upon.• What three things will you add to your personal toolkit? 1. . 2. . 3. .• Now we need to complete the School evaluation sheet. 43
  • Timeless Thoughts!• “Punishment hardens and numbs, it produces obstinacy, it sharpens the sense of alienation and strengthens the power of resistance”. Nietzsche.• “It is difficult to fight against anger; for a man will buy revenge with his soul”. Heracleitus (Aristotle ‘The Politics’) 44