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Communicating Assertively

Communicating Assertively



Why be assertive. Because - its more than subject knowledge that makes you successful at studying & fulfilling your career aspirations;

Why be assertive. Because - its more than subject knowledge that makes you successful at studying & fulfilling your career aspirations;



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    Communicating Assertively Communicating Assertively Presentation Transcript

    • Communicating Assertively Presenter: Adam Sandelson Teaching & Learning Centre
    • Why be assertive Because - its more than subject knowledge that makes you successful at studying & fulfilling your career aspirations Because - assertiveness is a communication style that can be useful in job or academic interviews, presentations, public speaking etc Because – assertiveness “energizers” your communication with academics, colleagues, friends, partners, family etc.
    • Aims of this sessionTo discuss assertiveness in terms of; What is & isn’t assertiveness, What it will & will not do How can someone be more assertive What do you get from being an assertive communicator
    • What isn’t assertivenessBeing Selfish Here you are concerned only with your rights & needs, with little regard for the rights & needs of others Being Aggressive Here you are demanding, abrasive & hostile with others. You are insensitive to other people’s feelings & their individual rights. You succeed with sheer force, creating enemies & conflict along the way
    • What isn’t assertivenessBeing Passive-aggressive You express anger & aggression in a covert way You fail to do your share of the work & make unreasonable criticisms of authorityCommon Traits are procrastination, sulking or arguing when you are asked to do something, complaining without justification, “forgetting” your obligations, believing you are better than others, you can’t stand useful suggestions or constructive criticism
    • What isn’t assertivenessBeing Manipulative You get others to feel sorry or guilty to you get what you want You play the role of victim or martyr It only works work when others do not realise what you are doing Eventually its makes people feel confused, “crazy,” angry & resentful towards you
    • To summarise !Assertiveness is not Being selfish, aggressive, passive-aggressive or manipulative Even though we do use these “communicative tactics” at some point in our lives to get what we want - BUT – Spending your life or time being a non- assertive communicator will bring you much stress, dissatisfaction & disappointment
    • Assertiveness Questionnaire Take a look at the “assertiveness questionnaire” handout. Read each situation and define each of your responses as either aggressive, passive or assertive. Share your answers!
    • What is assertiveness Direct, open & honest communication with others Asking for what you want & saying “no” to what you don’t want Not negating, attacking or manipulating others Respecting the dignity of other people Standing up for yourself & your rights without apologising or feeling guilty Taking responsibility for your own needs “Energy”
    • To summarise !Assertiveness is about Being clear about your needs & rights, asking for what you want, saying no to what you don’t want Using direct, open & honest communication, taking responsibility, respecting others & not violating their rightsWhen you are assertive Others will feel comfortable, know where you stand & respect you for your honesty Your needs get met, you experience less stress & more satisfaction with life in general
    • What Assertiveness will not do Guarantee you happiness or fair treatment by others Guarantee that you will automatically get what you want in life Guarantee that others will be assertive & not aggressive towards you Solve all your personal problems BUT – a lack of assertiveness will be one reason that your feelings or needs are not acknowledged or met by others
    • How can I be more Assertive First recognise that it is culture specific Recognise that you & everyone else has a right to your “personal bill of rights” – see handout Truly believing that you have a right to your needs & have a right to ask for what you want Taking responsibility to protect your rights in situations where they are infringed upon
    • Personal Bill of Rights Is drawn from the idea that we all have basic human rights Sometimes we do not realize these rights, because we were not taught them as children Being more conscious & learning to exercise your rights is the gateway to being more assertive What do you think? Are any striking to you?
    • How can I be more Assertive First be aware of your feelings, needs & wants Then say directly how you feel inside & what changes you would like to see happen Use “ I statements” to express yourself “.. I feel unhappy with yoursuggestion & I would like you to listen to mine..” Do not back off or move away from someone you are addressing (stand your ground)
    • How can I be more Assertive Note that 30% of our communication is verbal, while 70% is non-verbal Develop non-verbal assertive behaviours. These are about your voice tone, gestures, eye contact, facial expression & posture (“social signalling”) Non-verbal behaviours definitely influence your impact on others For example; look directly at another person when addressing them
    • How can I be more Assertive Maintain an open posture – if sitting down don’t cross your legs/arms - if standing up do so erectly & on both feet Stay calm - avoid getting overly emotional or excited Practice being assertive through writing, role- play & real life situations Don’t assume others just know how you feel, what you need or want. Make these known Other people are not mind readers
    • How can I be more Assertive Learn to also say “ no ” Saying “no” sets limits on other people’s demands for your time, especially when it conflicts with your own needs You can acknowledge the other person’s request by repeating it back, explain your reason for declining & then say “no” If appropriate suggest an alternative proposal where both your needs will be met
    • How can I be more Assertive An example of how to say “ no ” “..I understand that you would like to get together tonight [acknowledgement]. It turns out that I had a really long day & feel exhausted [explanation], so I will pass on tonight [saying no]. Perhaps there is another night later this week when we can get together – what do you think?..” [alternative option].
    • What do I get from being more assertive It enables you to obtain more of what you need & want in life It helps minimise stress, frustration & resentment in your relationships & interactions with others It helps you take more risks & ask more of life in general It adds to your sense of autonomy, freedom & self confidence You definitely gain respect from others for being direct, open & honest
    • Coming to the end….Assertiveness is really about Knowing what isn’t & what is assertive communication, and what it will & will not do Ceasing opportunities to be more assertive Recognising the value in being assertive Increasing the prospect of your rights, feelings, needs & wants being metIn all …. Assertiveness contributes to your academic success, and it helps fulfil your career & life ambitions