You Can't Spell “Archie”
An Asylum Challenge
(Take Two) (Part Two)
Last time, Ori the Cheese Sim had gone just the teensiest bit cray-cray after Cait set another fire.
Fortunately, no one else needed the shower at the time.
Ori wasn't the only one feeling the heat, and Ang wasn't rolling Romance-y Wants and not fulfilling
whatever random Wants she was rolling, so she wasn't in the best of moods either.
She did manage to make Besties with Archie, not that either of them got any Aspiration for it.
One cup of coffee later, and it was Di's turn to be made friends with. I was hoping she'd rolled a
Want for it, but sadly not.
This probably didn't help her state of mind either, but Jamie at least got the satisfaction of knowing
she wasn't the only one in the house having Potty Issues.
Tara Kat was still hanging around, and decided to give Marina a tip. De was just hoping someone
would talk to her.
That's the Level 9 skill meter on Marina. It just goes to show you how much time she has spent,
alone, on the piano in the first week.
Archie, on the other hand, is NOT alone, and quite nonchalantly follows Jamie into the photo
And we have the first Love of the challenge! Nineteen more to go...
Archie's fun was low despite his photo booth time with Jamie, and the Dance Sphere is the
easiest way to get it up, even with the occasional bout of being flung off.
Ori has started stalking again.
“Archiiiieeeee... I want to tell you a Dirty Joke. And then gossip about the time Cait tried to kill us
all. And then tell you another Dirty Joke. And then gossip about the time Jamie peed herself.”
“Sorry, I'm busy being manly.”
Unable to monopolize Archie, Ori turns to her only love, Cardboard Cheese Sandwich.
“No! No one touches my sandwich! Come near my sandwich and I will CUT YOU! Mine!”
Hoping that she was rolling a generic Eat Grilled Cheese Sandwich Want, I had Archie make up a
platter. Ori ate one, but got nothing for it. Figures.
Marina broke the piano, and Archie was the only one who could fix it, even if the lid did almost
take his hand off.
“I need that hand. It is my favorite hand.”
This is the bird, Eros. Archie taught him to talk, and the SimSelves are actually skilling Charisma
on their own by talking to him. When he's in his cage and not flying around the house, that is.
Here's a nice shot of all the SimSelves together. Everyone is playing nicely, even Marina.
Cait turned her pork chops to charcoal, but didn't set the kitchen on fire doing it. Yay Cait!
Yes, Ang. We all remember the time Cait set the stove on fire. And the other time Cait set the
stove on fire. And, if you're me, the time Cait set Archie on fire and then died because Stacie set
the stove on fire.
Marina got a ton of Aspiration for reaching Level 9 in Creativity. Keep in mind, she's a Pop Sim,
and it's still Summer. Does she get Aspiration for making friends? No. And that's probably a
good thing, since she doesn't actually try to make any.
Despite Marina's best attempts at Bogarting the piano, it's Di who becomes the first to max a skill.
I didn't realize how much time she'd spent at the chessboard until I saw the little Maxed Skill
doodad above her head.
This dishwasher is ridiculous. I swear, my parents have had the same dishwasher for probably 17
years, and it's needed maintenance maybe once. Archie's fixing this one several times a week!
Jamie lets Archie know how much she appreciates his handyman skills. Cait regrets the “react to
a Romance Sim” coding.
Jamie may have been abusing her ACR privileges, but it's Simultaneous Lovers Archie needs, so
he drags Ang into the photo booth.
De is a Popularity Sim, in case anyone had forgotten.
Now it's TWO Simultaneous Loves for Archie. With Ang and Jamie in the room (both Romance
Sims), I wondered if they'd do the ping-pong flirting.
It certainly seemed like that was the direction they were headed, when Jamie came up and went
in for a flirt. Ang got bored and wandered away, and Jamie decided to head for the bathroom
instead of continuing to flirt.
Kristen Singles walked by, and it was too good an opportunity to pass up. Once he's friends with
her, he's got a line to Lola, Chloe, and Erin. I just have to remember not to invite Chloe and Erin
over together, because all they'll do is fight.
I felt bad that Erin was in her regular old clothes, so I popped into the lot and handed out a few
I think she looks much happier now. Archie appreciates a scoop neck, and the possibility of four
more sexy ladies stopping by for a visit.
Don't worry: that's just a rain puddle Ori's splashing in.
Because nothing is ever easy, lightning struck one of the outdoor lights, causing everyone to run
over and Firedance.
You know, because lightning is attracted to things that are completely flat to the ground. Duh.
“What's your thought on the elections, Eros?”
“Rawk! Is that Windex in your pocket?”
“Because I can see myself in your pants! Rawk!”
Finally, Jamie is not the only one to avail herself of a sponge bath.
Archie wanted an actual shower. Ori wanted to stalk Archie. Cait wanted to stand right where she
was, just inside the room divider around the shower, just to piss Archie off.
She literally DID NOT MOVE. I had to make Archie go into the living room and Call Cait Over to
get her out of the bathroom. And she didn't need a shower—she'd already taken one earlier, and
the only reason she was in the bathroom to start with was to clean the shower, which she'd
finished doing before Archie got there.
Archie had some time before work, so he picked up his Third Love with Marina, mostly because
she was awake and not doing anything with anyone else, as is her wont.
At lunchtime, Ori has the light bulb to serve up some sandwiches. Huzzah!
Marina's grumbly tummy outweighs her antisocial behavior, so she grabs a sandwich, and Ori gets
the benefit. I popped the rest of the platter into Archie's inventory for when more people were
awake and hungry.
“Arrr! Sanity off the port bow! Hard a-starboard, mateys!”
“I'm just a dainty flower, really!” *biff*
“Are there rocks in there?”
“I dunno; I borrowed it from Marina.”
“That would be a 'yes,' then.”
I busted out Ori's sandwiches for dinner, which made her platinum. No more Cardboard Sandwich
for a few more days.
Or until Cait starts another fire. Whichever comes first.
“Look, I am here because fair's fair, but I am not sleeping with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure, yeah.”
“You don't want a piece of all this hotness?”
“I have plenty of hotness back home, thanks.”
Ori's the first one to catch a fish instead of a boot! Yay!
Then lightning struck SimNerd and half her body disappeared. I popped open her lot and fixed
her. She has legs again now.
Di's lack of babies started to take its toll. Even the familiar presence of the chessboard was no
longer a comfort.
Lisa Ramirez wandered by next, and, hey, any port in a storm. Clearly her marriage isn't the best,
if she's willing to talk kissing with a guy she's just met.
The couch was free for a change, and Archie was in the mood to have a little fun. Ang is yelling at
the TV, but it looks like she's yelling at Archie and Jamie, which made me giggle.
In case you wondered, Archie would TOTALLY rather do this nude.
Archie's still keeping his relationships with the rest of the SimSelves in the house high. After all,
seven sitting ducks means he only needs 13 Loves outside of the house.
The Cult of Cheese has suckered in Ang. You know Marina wouldn't be calmly sitting there,
chatting about cheesy goodness.
“I deem this paper unnecessary, and claim it in the name of Max Goodytwoshoes!”
Another female Walkby. This one's a Bluewater Townie. Her name's Carla J-something.
Headmaster Korey from Pleasantview? Same last name as him. I can never spell it, so let's just
call her Carla Jiu-Jitsu.
Sadly, she's a Townie, so no roommates, but Archie can't afford to pass up an opportunity that
literally walks into his lap.
Even with Bluewater and a Downtown, no one has followed Archie home from work. Ever.
That look of satisfaction can mean only one thing!
De was unconcerned, and somewhere down the line, got enough Aspiration to push herself into
When Archie got home from work with a promotion, he celebrated with a little non-groiny fun with
Ang and Ori.
Then he realized what he was doing and went and found boobies. He approved.
“Dear Diary, here is a list of all the things I hate. I hate Di, because she is spying on me from all
the way over on the other side of the room. I hate Ori, because she is on the piano when I want
to be on the piano. I hate De, because she wants to talk to me all the time. I hate Ang, because
she's starting to talk about grilled cheese. I hate Jamie, because she walks around in her
underwear and then pees and then smells bad and then takes a sponge bath in front of everyone.
Mostly, I hate Cait, because she SNORES, and this is like trying to write in my diary next to
DARTH FRIKKIN' VADER.”
“And also I hate garden gnomes. Fuck those lazy little bastards.
Loathe and hisses, Marina.”
“Rawk! You're the prettiest girl in the world!”
“I complimented you; now sleep with me! Rawk!”
“Why did we let Archie teach the bird to talk?”
After chatting with Eros, Di spent an entertaining few minutes staring out the window, crying and
waiting for Indy to come rescue her.
Archie invited Stacie, Lark, and Cassidy over when he got back from work. I figured someone
might get Aspiration from Meeting Cass, but that didn't happen.
I think Stacie wondered why SHE didn't get a cheerful finger-gun greeting.
Lark was quite happy to follow Archie into the photo booth.
Marina, for some reason, took it badly. I haven't turned Jealousy off, because where would be the
fun, but keep in mind that this is all chronological—since Archie and Marina fell in love, he's slept
with Jamie, De, and Ori, and only NOW does Marina get pissed, and it's not like she's great
friends with the other three girls, and not with Lark.
Marina's not Furious with Archie, but her STR with him is in the negatives. He's Furious with her
because she slapped him, and she's Furious with Lark, but Archie's still in love with Marina, so no
harm done, really.
With the damage already done, there's no harm in inviting Stacie into the photo booth.
This did get Archie in love with Stacie, although I didn't get a picture of the heart. That makes her
After a few quick flirts and avoiding being slapped some more, Archie falls in love with Lark,
bringing his total up to Seven.
“Got caught cheating, huh?”
“I got no memory of it. Besides, I never promised exclusivity. I cannot be tied down.”
“Make a move on my boyfriend and I will END YOU.”
“No worries. I am strictly a ladies' man.”
“I mean it. END. YOU.”
Di was being bummed out in the bathroom, so I had Archie go flirt. I was hoping that
romancemod wouldn't allow them to fall in love immediately, because if I understand ACR right,
she'd be more likely to have Jealousy Issues as a Family Sim.
Sadly, they fell in love, which makes her Archie's Eighth, and very likely to come slapping him at
some point in the near future.
“Goodytwoshoes” MY ASS. Both times I catch people stealing the paper, and it's a
Goodytwoshoes! And this is with Spider Jerusalem and Oz Warner in the neighborhood!
Oh well. At least Archie doesn't need it for anything. You get down with your bad self, Ulysses.
Archie had one of the longer shifts in Slacker, so he ordered a pizza on his way out the door, to try
and keep the SimSelves from having to cook. Long shifts + hungry SimSelves = flamey disaster
during Take One.
When Archie got home, there was time to squeeze in a little socializing. Kristen came over with
Chloe and Lola.
Archie got his Make Out on with Kristen, but their LTR isn't high enough to fall in love yet. It's only
a matter of time.
The next morning, he invited over Tara Kat and her housemate, Priya Ramaswami. Okay, and
Chester Gieke too, but he's not going to make a pass at Chester.
“Shoo flee? I can't tell Archie a Dirty Joke because he's making out with that other lady.”
At least Ori's not the jealous type.
Tara Kat becomes Archie's Ninth Simultaneous Lover.
“Hi. I'm Chester. I'm sort of shy. Can we be friends?”
“Pffft, no. Loser, you're boring me already.”
“But can't you just show a little redhead solidarity?”
“No. Now I'm going to do something more interesting. Like pick lint out of my bellybutton.”
I decided to push my luck, because Archie's been rolling WooHoo Number Wants.
Di came slapping, but I managed to click off before she actually did it, so Archie maintained his
number of Simultaneous Lovers.
“What? No! Get away from me!”
“But I thought you were Mister Romance!”
“You have done nothing but avoid me for two weeks, and NOW you want to get friendly just
because YOUR ACR timer has gone ding? No! I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT, DAMMIT! Now
“I SAID GOOD DAY.”
It did not work as planned. Crabby Archie needed some Alone Time.
Archie's Energy was pretty low, so I think he was refusing because he was tired. Whatever. I
gave him his blanky and told him if he had a nice nap, he could have a box of apple juice and a
cookie when he woke up.
But that will be next time!
Archie's current Simultaneous Love count stands at Nine, and he's got another seven easy
pickin's ready to go.
And if you click, there might be Learnings.
How to design an Asylum, Doc style:
Put it all on one floor. Stairs are an unnecessary complication. A 3x3 lot is a good size.
You need a garage. You never know what career your Sim will end up in, and if there's a chance
for back-to-back promotions on the same day, you'll need a car. Extra-large garage leaves room
for stuff like the ACR adjuster, Lot Debugger, and Tattoo Overlay box. If you don't automatically
put a Lot Debugger on every lot... Start.
Any room should have multiple ways to get in and out, and these ways should be far enough
apart that someone passed out or fighting in front of one will still enable people to use the other
Beds should have a minimum of two spaces between them. Less, and if two Sims in beds next to
each other try to get up at the same time, one of them won't be able to do it.
You can't have anything but a nightstand next to the head of a bed, but the foot of the bed can be
blocked just fine.
Bathrooms. Two separate rooms, each 4x4. Sims will congregate in them, and you will need the
room. An archway between them gives you that extra point of entry/exit and allows for smooth
A toilet stall encourages them to move when they're finished. Otherwise, block a regular toilet off
with room divider or a low fence, to minimize shooing.
Use the expensive showertub and mark it out with room divider or a low fence. Cost means it'll
break less, and the tub will give the Playful Sims something to do.
A piano. It'll wake up a sleeping Sim if someone's Practicing, so keep it away from the beds and
I prefer the piano over the easel because with the easel, they'll paint one painting and stop, unless
you have the hack that makes them sell and keep going, whereas they'll sit at the piano forever. I
prefer the piano to the other instruments because it doesn't bottom out the Comfort motive. Yeah,
you might have to Tune it on occasion, but it's pretty convenient otherwise.
Leave room for dancing. You can get enough dancing skill to Bust A Move by dancing at the
With ACR, you'll need to have someplace to WooHoo. You can go with a double bed, but early
on, that might leave an empty space, and when the dying starts, you can't delete half of a double
bed. A photo booth works.
I also like a bird cage to skill Charisma instead of a mirror. Leave yourself $520 to stock the cage
and feed the bird at the beginning of the challenge and teach it to talk, and the uncontrollables will
skill Charisma on their own. I'd still throw a mirror in somewhere, just in case someone glitches
and you need to Change Appearance, but don't use it for skilling.
Phone near the front door for quick access in an emergency.
The living room should be as big as it needs to be, but not so big that it takes the Sims forever to
get from Point A to Point B.
I use a chessboard for Logic and two chairs, a loveseat or two pieces of sectional for the TV and
two more chairs, and a Dance Sphere for Body. This might get dicey for the Pleasure Sims, but
no one else will really care if they fall.
Phones get marked out with room divider so they don't wake anyone up.
Here, the sink is in the living room, marked off with divider. Normally, I'd put it in its own 3x3 room
off the kitchen to leave space for Meditation in with it, but Archie's maxed Playful, so he can't
Meditate, so no point in making room to do that.
The kitchen. Ah, the kitchen. Use the oven-less stoves from Uni, so they can't leave food in the
oven and wander away. It will cut down on fires. Isolate the stoves from everything else, to give
yourself a little time when the fire starts.
Two of everything, on opposite sides of the room, so that hopefully you'll still have a fridge, stove,
and counter after a fire, if you can't afford to replace things right away.
Keep fridges and stoves at least two spaces from a corner, if there's anything on the other side.
This will minimize footstomping.
Coffee machine. You need one. And a little table with the last two chairs. Bingo! Perfect Asylum!