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The Vetinari Dualegacy Chapter 5 5

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In which there are many birthdays, hauntings, a puppy, and some Eeevil.

In which there are many birthdays, hauntings, a puppy, and some Eeevil.


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  • Transcript

    • 1. "Why do you keep starting these chapters off with pictures of me again?" Because you crack me up, Larch. I could fill an entire album with pictures of you making weird faces, doing strange things, and beating people up. Did you know that until I played you, I'd never seen a Sim stalk someone else before? You're like an amusing, frequently shirtless, befauxhawked education in mean Sim behavior. "Oooookay. Can we get back to the story now? The twins were pretty close to a birthday, right?" Well, if you wanna pick up where we left off...
    • 2. "Dad just died! Family Sim sad!" Ooh! New Larch facial expression! I think I'll call this one 'Dad just died!' "You're mean." It's been said.
    • 3. "I'm sorry about your dad, Larch. I know you were close." "Thanks, honey. It's hard for a Family Sim like me to lose a loved one." "I think I know a way to cheer you up."
    • 4. "Tee hee!" "Whoops! Hey, that's a very tender portion of my anatomy!" "Last time I was in platinum, I changed my turnons. Three bolts." "Three bolts?" "Three bolts." "Three bolts!" "Wanna test out the idea that post-funeral WooHoo is fantastic?" "Family Sim likey!"
    • 5. "WOOHOO!" Oh yeah. Three bolts.
    • 6. Toddler aging up race! Aaaaaaaand GO!
    • 7. Zee takes it by a nose! Larch and Christy showed up to watch. Yvette showed up just to wander around. You know, I think the only time I've ever not seen her with that vacant expression on her face was when she was extinguishing Orson. I've met people in real life who walk around with that utterly blank look on their faces, and I hope they never breed.
    • 8. Zee! That is a reasonably strange-looking face for a child. I'm eagerly anticipating the teenage facial explosion.
    • 9. Finn! His features are pretty similar to Zee's right now, but they look stranger on her than him. Still, though, no way to tell for sure until they age up again.
    • 10. Typewriter whojamajobbie for Storyteller handicap! And unlike Orson, this has not become Want Panel Spam.
    • 11. "The Three Bears came home and found their food eaten, their chairs trashed, and their beds a mess. Then Papa Bear realized that bears don't need razor-sharp claws and teeth like knives to eat porridge, so he savaged Goldilocks and turned her rib cage into a decorative pot rack. The End." "Daddy, this story is so much better when YOU read it to me." "You might not want to tell your mother that."
    • 12. "Larch, sweetie, I have something to tell you and it might be hard to hear." "Oh em gee! You're sick! The kids are sick! Something's on fire! Brunhilde is sick and on fire!" "What? No! It's just that your mom's been acting a little weird." "Oh, is that all? How can you tell?" "Earlier, she asked me if I'd seen Osric or Leonard. Do we even know anyone named Osric or Leonard?" "No. She meant Dad or me. Um, probably." "Are those, like, nicknames?" "Not exactly. Mom's always been a little...well, let's just say 'guano insane'." "Well, in that case, everyone's fine!" "Hooray!"
    • 13. "So, Headmaster Inadvisable Mohawk, you know the kids and I have a cumulative four nice points, right? I think you can use your imagination to determine what will happen if you don't let them into private school. Are we clear?" *gulp* "Crystal clear, Mr. Vetinari, sir." "Good." 120/90. Helloooo private school!
    • 14. I love when mean Sims play Cops and Robbers! Zee, it's not necessary to put the boot in when you've got the perp on the ground. Recognize her hapless victim? It's Jon! He's too nice to take potshots at her, though.
    • 15. "Whoa, lady, your fish face is totally harshing my mellow." Spicoli, normally we could exchange some sort of banter here, but frankly, I just want her the hell out. "You and me both, dudette." "I'm confused." What else is new? Take the umbrella drink and go with the dude in the black cloak already.
    • 16. "Could you try not to make so many faces? You're killing the wahines' buzz." "Who are you? What's happening? Is that Osbert?" "Prettacy next, dudette?" See ya there.
    • 17. RIP Yvette "PseudoBruty" formerly possibly Robinson currently Vetinari. You got Permaplat and produced a pair of Eeevil heirs and once extinguished Orson. Mostly you annoyed the hell out of me. Bye bye now! She lived... uh, I dunno, way too damn long for someone that much a waste of pixels, and left $1825 to Zee, $1450 to Finn, $9500 to Larch, $8K to Cy, and $940 to Christy. Yvette... Yoooouuuuuu suuuuucked.
    • 18. "Mom died! Family Sim sad again!" Aw, I'm sorry. "And it wasn't even like we were super-close! She couldn't even remember my name!" Yeah, it sucks to be a Family Sim when a relative dies. "You know what would make me feel better? Post-funeral WooHoo!" I don't want to know. *sticks fingers in ears* Lalalalalalalalalalalalala Speaking of dead mothers...
    • 19. "Come on, Betty, this is the last trip I have to make here for a while." "My name is Calista." "Yeah, but you're a real Betty, even if you are saggy!" "I don't know what that means." It's a compliment. Take the umbrella drink and go with nice Mister Death Spicoli. "Waaaah! Mom's dying!"
    • 20. "Hey, is that Isaac flirting with those scantily clad hula girls? Why, I oughta--" Big words coming from someone who rolled the want to fall in love before I had a chance to move her husband's urn out onto the lawn. "Catch ya next generation, dudette!" Bye, Spicoli. Enjoy your pizza and your...bubbles... Yeah, bubbles... "Waaaah! Mom!" "Waaaah! Grandma!"
    • 21. RIP Calista Vetinari nee Bendett, Gen 1 Prettacy spouse. You put up with Isaac's incessant need to date, and managed to deal with twin toddlers, a child, and a cranky dateless Pleasure Sim without complaint. You did get Permaplat when June graduated from college, and you doted on your grandchildren. Sure, you wanted to fall in love again as soon as Isaac disappeared from the side panel, but you still missed him and rolled the want to rez him more than once. Calista lived 78 days. She left $9K to Bana, $9600 to Cami, $8900 to June, $2500 to Jon, and $1400 to Gerry. Calista, thanks for not being useless. I couldn't have done twins with Yvette, that's for sure. You were awesome. June and Jon can't stop crying over the fact that you're dead, which is a little heartbreaking to watch.
    • 22. *sniffle sniffle* "Mom's dead!" *sob sob sob* "Grandma's dead!" June and Jon keep stopping whatever they're doing to cry over Calista. Even Stephan, who had a daily relationship of, like, 30, with her (but two bolts *eyeroll*), cried when she died.
    • 23. Uh, Stephan, maybe you don't want to gossip about your wife's RECENTLY DECEASED FATHER! But what do I know, perhaps this is some sort of odd Sim coping mechanism.
    • 24. The only one in the house not affected by Calista's death is little Geranium. Of course, little Gerry won't be little for long...
    • 25. Gerry grows up! And he gets something of a strange personality for a Vetinari--Taurus 9/4/9/10/3. Let's compare to the standard Vetinari personality, shall we? Neat freak? Big check! Outgoing? Nope--takes after his shy daddy. Hallelujah--one less finger-gunner in college! Active? Check! Serious? Nope--I finally got me a bathtub pirate! Yaaaay! Nice points you can count on the fingers of one hand? Extra check! Gerry's the first one (including the spouses) to have more than 4 playful points. And he's the only one aside from spouses to be shy. Nice slob Bana is the only other Vetinari who really diverged from the personality mold to this extent.
    • 26. "Don't Aspiration points feel great, Gerry?" "Tickly!"
    • 27. "Come on--just a few more steps!" "Walking WOOT!"
    • 28. Isaac used to do this with his girls all the time. Like father, like daughter! And what's Isaac getting up to these days?
    • 29. My Supreme Nerd Sense tells me that this is not going to end happily. Isaac, why couldn't you just keep bobbing around the yard and taking baths?
    • 30. "Booga booga booga!" "Aaaah! I'll never see those Aspiration points again!" Frammit, Isaac! You could have scared Stephan instead, at least! Calista's ghost has yet to make an appearance.
    • 31. "So I've heard stories about people meeting aliens. Isn't that super cool, Gerry?" "They go in spaceship!" "And then I think there's probing involved." "What's probing, Jonny?" "Uh... ask Mom and Dad when you're older. And don't tell them I said anything." "Rabbit silly!"
    • 32. "Tickle tickle tickle, Gerry!" "Daddy funny!" I love this guy. Just in case anyone was still unclear on that.
    • 33. He's so willing to interact with the kids. Gerry's pretty much always in platinum because June and Stephan are constantly playing with him. Stephan rules!
    • 34. I think this is my first not-mean snowman. And look at Stephan's face! Happy happy Stephan! The broom is very apropos for Jon. No joke, he gained 3 Cleaning points in about 2 minutes, from AUTONOMOUSLY cleaning two toilets, a sink, and a shower. Yes, he started out cleaning one bathroom, ran out of things to clean, and then went to another bathroom so he could keep cleaning, all on his own. I don't have maids. I have OCD neat freaks. Saves me a fortune on a cleaning crew.
    • 35. Happy happy Stephan is now Permaplat. His new LTW is to be a Mad Scientist. Totally do-able. I've been using up June's paid vacation. She hasn't actually been to work in almost two weeks between pregnancy and vacation. When she runs out of vacation days, I'll have her quit and go into one of the college careers.
    • 36. "Mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa!" "You better watch that spare hand, mister! Or else join me in the hot tub!" He did this all on his own. I *heart* him.
    • 37. Gerry ages up! His nose maybe looks more like Juniper's than Stephan's, but at this point, I think we all know how bad I am at predicting these things. Either way, I hope it doesn't end up tragic. This is the Prettacy, after all.
    • 38. Jon and Gerry--you can see the differences between them here (hint: Gerry has BLACK hair! OK, not so much a hint as a list). Because it's winter and Jon used to go play with Gerry and the rabbit head, their relationship is already at 100 daily.
    • 39. "Mmmm... social bar back into ze green..." "Mmmm... Aspiration points..." Well, now that everybody's all happy, time to call the headmaster!
    • 40. Jon grows up during the headmaster visit. June's cooking, and as Jon gets the spin-and-confetti treatment, Gerry, Stephan, and Headmaster Inadvisable Ponytail complain about not being able to "moth" around him because of the couch, TV, and wall. Still got into private school though, 107/90. That turns out to be Juniper's nose that she inherited from Calista. It does not get better. Oh, and Jonquil rolls Knowledge, with a LTW of reaching the top of education, just like Dad.
    • 41. Why do they always hate their makeovers? I think the glasses detract somewhat from the nose, but Jon fails to agree. Whatever, Jon, I think you look good and your opinion matters exactly zero to me.
    • 42. "Hey, I always like my makeovers!" You just like the fauxhawk. "Look who's talking." Touche. "Is anyone coming out to meet me?" Uh, no, sorry. Busy little bees, they are. "Aww."
    • 43. Family bonding, Vetinari Uglacy style. Pajama dancing!
    • 44. "Three bolts with Minion Wife!" Yeah, except two minutes ago, I got the 'Christy is sick with the flu' message. Ooop, and look at that, I just got the 'Larch is sick with the flu' message. Thanks, Christy. Your insane chemistry has now infected your husband. Sick people. Oh joy. Just try to keep Zee and Finn disease-free, mmmkay? This is my first three-bolt chemistry. And this makeout session was initiated by Christy. Three bolts is powerful stuff, if it can make a Fortune Sim autonomously Make Out.
    • 45. Yvette makes a posthumous appearance. Still haven't seen Orson yet. She cheered the bed, took a bath, floated around for a while, and then, right before dawn, scared Finn. He was not amused. That's it. You're back to being PseudoBruty. My goodwill for your having extinguished Orson is officially at an end.
    • 46. "Hahaha! Daddy, that lady on the cooking show just set herself on fire and died!" "That's my favorite part, Zee. I never get tired of watching that." I never knew parents could snuggle with kids on the couch. So cute! I know I go on and on about Stephan, but I totally *heart* Larch too, despite all the Eeevil.
    • 47. Soooo, everybody but Christy wanted a puppy, and it was a surefire way to get Zee and Finn platinum before they aged to teen. She's a little black puppy right now, but I've done this before, and completely expect her to end up a dalmation or something. I decided to name the Dualegacy pets after characters from Buffy, so this little pup is Kendra. And yeah, this means I'll finally give in to the Adopt A Puppy/Kitten want over at the Prettacy too. Because I'm all nice like that, and stuff.
    • 48. Zee noses Finn out at the teen growing-up race too, although they were almost perfectly synchronized.
    • 49. Zinnia's sort of unique-looking. She ended up with Larch's nose, Christy's mouth and eyes, and Larch's jaw. That nose in combination with everything else almost looks like one of the alien not- noses. But there's definitely something to work with for an Uglacy. Of course, the same is true for her twin brother...
    • 50. Delphinium! Hellooooo teenage facial explosion! Larch's eyes and nose, Christy's mouth, and PseudoBruty's cheeks do not an attractive face make. And, no, his cheeks aren't just pooched out like that because he's smiling. Man, it's almost a toss-up between what's worse--Zee's freaky nose, or Finn's lower face. Oh, and in true twin fashion, they both rolled Romance, just like June and Cami both rolled Pleasure. Zee wants to be a Professional Party Guest, and Finn wants to be a Hall of Famer. Wherefore not the 20 WooHoos LTW, Uglacy Romance twins?
    • 51. "Finn? What are we doing?" "Studying?" "OK, yeah, DUH, but why?" *shrug* "I asked you a question, Finn." "I shrugged." "I can't HEAR a SHRUG!" "You can snipe at me, but I still don't know why we're studying." "My Want Panel has nothing to do with skilling." "Mine either." "I want a date." "Me too." You can date when you've maxed the skills you need for your LTW. With that Education bookshelf, that'll be, like, tomorrow. More read-y, less talk-y.
    • 52. "Who's a pretty puppy? You are!" She'd be prettier if you'd stop impaling her through your face. And for some reason, when they praise Kendra for going to the bathroom outside, it shows up as her learning to stay off the furniture. Inconvenient much?
    • 53. Guess whose ghost is having fun again. Now Zee, aren't you glad I made you pee before sending you off to bed?
    • 54. No, I'm not showing these out of order. PseudoBruty scared Zee, disappeared for a second, and then scared Zee a second time. Zee is now ready to pass out. Thanks, PseudoBruty. But, oh, she's not done yet.
    • 55. Finn takes Kendra out to pee right before he goes to bed. And PseudoBruty strikes again. Now Kendra and Finn both have empty bladders, and Finn's just about to pass out on the still-snowy lawn. PseudoBruty, I wish I could resurrect you, so that I could kill you again and sell your corpse for that Body Farm thing where they test the effects of environmental conditions on dead bodies. And then I'd rez you again, just so I could find new and entertaining ways of killing you. Because yoooouuuu suuuuuuck.
    • 56. Case in point? After scaring Zee twice and Finn once, leaving their Energy motives in the deep red, she spends the next SIX HOURS going in and out of the garage. When this is over, I am rezzing you as a zombie.
    • 57. *sniff sniff* "Dad, I miss you, and also, please make Mom stop haunting and scaring the childrinions. And hey, who is that sexy befauxhawked shirtless devil? Oh wait, it's MEEEEEE! Hehehe."
    • 58. Christy gets Permaplat! Now you are never getting that expensive bar! Muahahahahaha!
    • 59. I just shot water out of my nose again. Why did I never know they do "finger antennae" when they talk about aliens?
    • 60. "So, you like aliens, huh? I've got a little alien hand trick to show you, then!"
    • 61. "Hey, I'm pretty sure that's not from any aliens!" "It could be." "Grrrrow, three bolts."
    • 62. "I see London, I see France, I see my husband's underpants!" "Heehee! You know me, sweetie, any excuse not to wear a shirt!"
    • 63. Kendra grows up! She's a... something... Look, the last black puppy I had turned out to be a Collie, and she's definitely not a Collie. I'm a horse person, OK? I can spot a Quarter Horse at 50 yards, and I can tell the difference between Canadian Thoroughbreds and American Thoroughbreds just by eyeballing them, but my knowledge of dog breeds is, shall we say, limited. So, Kendra is a dog, and she is a sort of yellowy-browny-black, she finally learned how to widdle outside, and now her legs are long enough that she doesn't have to be carried. And I know I said I'd get the Prettacy a pet too, but guess which household is no longer rolling Wants for pets! They're doing this on purpose, I can tell.
    • 64. Orson finally makes an appearance! "Hey, when did we get a big yellowy-browny-black dog?" PseudoBruty take notice--he spent the whole night haunting, and didn't scare one single person, even when they walked by him or were in the same room.
    • 65. "Hey, when did we get a see-through old guy?"
    • 66. "Hey Dad. Whatcha doin' there?" "Table diving." "That's cool. Hey, uh, about that 'making Mom stop freaking out the kids' thing..." "You know your mother. I could try to get her to quit it, but she'd just call me Osmond and ask who the people in the big red house are." "No, no, I get it, but, seriously, Zee and Finn are kinda plummeting Aspiration-wise what with all the scaring." "Sorry, kiddo, can't really help you out there." "Okay. Have a nice haunting, Dad." "Thanks. Will do."
    • 67. "Do you think the childrinions will find people they love as much as I love you?" "They're Romance, Larch. They'll probably find several." "You make a good point." "Are you rolling any interesting Wants?" *nudge nudge wink wink* "Uh... 'Influence Someone to Clean.'" "Don't even try it." "Duly noted." Of course, some people don't need to be influenced to clean...
    • 68. Jon has some issues. He's the neat-freakiest Sim I've had so far, and that includes Sims with more neat points than he has. This is him, getting up in the middle of the night, while his Energy bar is still half-full, for the sole purpose of making the bed that he was just sleeping in. When he was a kid and Gerry was a toddler, he used to go into the nursery and pick up the bottles as soon as Gerry was done with them; even Larch never did that, with Cypress or with Zee and Finn. Jon cannot stop cleaning. He's my little OCD Jonny.
    • 69. "Mom's right--bubbles are great!" Wrong kind of bubbles, Jon. "There are other kinds of bubbles aside from wonderful squeaky clean soap bubbles? Blasphemy!" The Sim Shrink would have a field day with you.
    • 70. June: Mmrrrow! Silky man-panties! Stephan: Suddenly 'WooHoo Juniper' is rolling up in ze Want Panel. OCD Jonny: Must...pick up...unattended...bowl...
    • 71. Juniper switched over to Natural Science. Meet Rossweisse. I'll add a gate to the cowplant enclosure when I need it, to save on Idiot Townie casualties. I want to switch Stephan over to Science, but it refuses to show up as a job, and I have a feeling he's going to Elderfy before it does.
    • 72. "Booga booga booga!" "I am ze Knowledge Sim, Isaac! Do it again!" "What, no pee puddle?" "Would I go out ghost 'unting with a full bladder?" "Aaawwwww. You're no fun."
    • 73. Gerry: "Boingy boingy boingy boingy wheeeeeeeeee!" OCD Jonny: "Eeeeehhhhh! He's getting shoe germs all over the couch! Make him stop!"
    • 74. Stephan: "Zis is ze male bonding, non? We are 'aving fun watching ze cooking show!" Gerry: "I can't jump on this couch with the two of you sitting there, you know." OCD Jonny: "That lady's kitchen does not look sanitary!"
    • 75. OCD Jonny: *whine* "That is not hygienic! You can catch diseases from kissing!" June: "Can it, Mr. Clean. Mommy and Daddy need a motive boost before work."
    • 76. Yes, Calista, I'm kinda bummed that you're gone, too. I don't remember Isaac haunting the living room where he died, but this is the exact spot where Death Spicoli came for her. Do other ghosts do this, or is she just being posthumously morbid?
    • 77. "Hey, see-through floating lady." I was surprised that she didn't scare him right then, but going to cheer her bed and take a bath seemed to take priority.
    • 78. Calista kicked over the trash (at least, I think it was her, because no one's mad at the Vetinaris, and it was upright when everyone went to bed), and when Stephan took a skilling break to clean it up, she scared him. He was quite happy about it, as you can see.
    • 79. Somewhere down the line, I get points for having one of each fishable item on the wall (I'm assuming that excludes the boot, but I've caught plenty of those too). So, jumbo largemouth bass, blue catfish, largemouth bass...
    • 80. ...golden trout, jumbo rainbow trout, jumbo blue catfish, rainbow trout. One complete set o' fish at the Prettacy, as I believe there are no jumbo golden trout. Or maybe the golden trout is jumbo to start with, based on its size compared to the jumbo rainbow trout it's next to.
    • 81. "OK, Gerry, the Dark Lord of the Sith choke-hold goes like this. Comprendez-vous?" "Cool, Jonny! Where'd you learn that?" "Oh, Aunt Cami taught it to me, said she learned it from Larch. It's supposed to be incapacitating, but I'm far too congenial to try it out on anyone." "Yeah, but that's not really a problem for me, is it?" It's nice to see the new generation learning the Vetinari traditions, isn't it?
    • 82. I love making 'em drink Boot Juice. "Bleh! I'm like a vampire! Only not really! Although if Stephan's around, I'll totally bite him! Bleh! No, seriously, is he here? MrrrroowwwBleh!" June's not the only one thinking about looooove...
    • 83. "Hmmm. She is pleasing to the eye, and thoughts unrelated to cleanliness are entering my head. A most curious phenomenon. Perhaps I should entertain these sudden whims."
    • 84. "Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes, or at least, he would have, if they weren't billions of light-years away, and extremely hot balls of gas thousands of miles in diameter to boot." "You know what? This is still less weird than the last blonde kid who hit on me."
    • 85. "I have the sudden urge to press my lips against yours. Would you be amenable to such an occurrence?" "Can't you just say you wanna kiss me?"
    • 86. "Hmm. Intriguing. I would have thought something so clearly unsanitary would be repellant, but I have the urge to repeat my previous actions. This calls for further experimentation, if you would be so good as to be my research partner." "Whatever, gorgeous."
    • 87. "No, no, still not making any sense out of this. We need to conduct more research." "Okay." And here I thought Larch's old Minion Girlfriend was going to be my Meadow Thayer, but I guess it's Melody Tinker instead.
    • 88. "Hey, how about some more face time for us Uglacy twins?" Eh, you're not doing very interesting things. "Whose fault is that?" Shut up. And anyway, you're not the only one whining about the lack of a story. "Yeah? Like, who else?"
    • 89. "Hey! I'm hosting this chapter for you! So how about some wallpaper? And some floors? And maybe some more walls? And some windows? And a bathroom or two? And a kitchen? And when are you going to get around to telling my part of the story? Huh? Can I maybe get some attention around here?" Next chapter, Cypress. I'll catch up with you and Banyan and Sycamore and your families. Coming soon to a computer near you! "Very funny. Mean Sim wants nice house now!"