Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Isaac, the Prettacy founder (Aries 5/6/6/3/5), and
his wife Calista (Cancer 6/3/6/4/6), getting aspiration boosts from autonomous smoochies. Isaac's
a Popularity Sim with a LTW of 50 Dream Dates, and Calista is a Family Sim who wants to
graduate 3 kids from college.
Here's their first kid, Banyan. The Gen 2 kids in the Prettacy and in the Uglacy next door are all
named after trees. She's a Gemini 2/7/10/3/7.
"I'm going to have a baby! Hooray!"
"I'm going to get smoochies! Hooray!"
And at about this time, I start to sense a disturbance in the Force. Like in about twenty minutes,
I'm going to be inventing new cuss words. I am the Supreme Nerd; we have radar for those kinds
Calista goes into labor, and I can taste the Doom in the air. It is spicy. Like curry.
TWO BABIES! NOOOOOOOOO!
I would just like to point out that I have NEVER had a Sim make or eat cheesecake. I will use the
forcetwins cheat under a very very narrow set of circumstances: a)alien babies. I love aliens; b)if I
have a minimum 2:1 ratio of adults/elders/teens to babies/toddlers; or c) if at least one person in
the house is Permaplat. Notice that NONE of those apply here.
And you know what? When I expanded the house, I made sure to save 16K to buy wardrobes for
the Well-Dressed Sims handicap, Just In Case Calista had twins. Sometimes I hate being right.
Isaac's cuddling Sycamore; Calista has Juniper. Both girls.
Er, Isaac? Maybe this is a bad time, but that LTW of 50 Dream Dates? Yeah, that kinda just went
out the window. Sorry.
This is my post-glitch picture of relief. Cami was hungry, but Isaac couldn't pick her up out of her
crib, and the action wouldn't cancel. June was screaming with a dirty diaper, and Cami was
starving to death, and then I remembered that cheats were cool as long as there was a glitch, so I
deleted Cami and the crib and Isaac, and when I re-entered the lot, everything was fine except
that I had to buy a new crib.
It just happened to coincide with Calista coming home from work and getting a hug from Bana. It's
a picture of family happiness, especially since you can't see the green cloud coming from June
Time for a break from the horror that is twins! Here's Orson Vetinari (Aries 5/6/6/3/5; Popularity
Sim in Permaplat), the Uglacy founder, with his wife PseudoBruty (Yvette; Virgo 9/2/6/3/5;
Knowledge with LTW of Criminal Mastermind) in the background, when she was pregnant with
their first child.
And here is said child, Larch Vetinari (Aries 10/10/9/3/1). He's evil.
Sorry. He's Eeevil.
Due to First-Born Effect, Larch's little brother Cypress is Eeevil too. Exact same personality, Aries
10/10/9/3/1. They even look identical.
"I dance the dance of Eeevil!"
"That's great. Who are you again?"
"It's me, Mom. Larch. Your son? Your Eeevil son?"
"I have an evil son?"
"It's Eeevil, actually. And not to put too fine a point on it, but you have TWO Eeevil sons. I'm just
the Eeeviller one."
"Is he that short guy I see around sometimes?"
"You're the worst Mom ever."
"Hah! I have maximized Charisma! I am slowly catching up to Larch. Soon I will surpass him in
"Psshhhhht, whatever, junior. Delusional much? The only way you're ever getting more Eeevil
than me is if you stay up all night instead of getting up early in the morning!"
Cy grows up.
"Hey, Larch, he looks like you!"
"But I'm still more Eeevil, right?"
"Who's that blonde kid?"
Nice job on the hourglass blocking PseudoBruty's face, Cypress.
And yup, total First-Born Effect Clone Kid.
What's that whapping noise? Ah, I see it's just the two of you hurling a baseball at each other.
"I'm way more Eeevil than you, Larch!" *whap*
"In your dreams, Cy!" *whap*
"I'm gonna rule the world someday!" *whap*
"Only if you take it away from me by force!" *whap*
"I'm okay with that, loser!" *whap*
"I've been making takeover plans since you were in diapers!" *whap*
"Well, your plans suck!" *whap*
Honestly, these two are friends, and I just don't buy it. I sort of think they're "friends" in the sense that the US and the
USSR were "friends" during the Cold War, where "friends" really means "not actively trying to kill each other at this
time, but being ready in case that option becomes available."
Finally added on a second story. It was getting a wee bit cramped what with all the Eeevil.
Larch teenager-ifies! He--and therefore Cypress, when he grows up--definitely takes after Orson. I
don't see a whole lot of PseudoBruty in him at all.
"Heh--Mom's not even Eeevil!"
Time to roll for aspiration. If he rolls Romance, I think I'm gonna laugh myself sick.
FAMILY? Eeevil Larch rolls FAMILY?
"Baby Minions WOOT!"
This just got interesting.
Larch and Cy got into private school. 92/90, without dinner. PseudoBruty crispy-fried the pork
chops. The ONE useful thing she had to do, and she screwed it up. Oh well--somewhere down
the line, someone got aspiration boosts from it.
PseudoBruty reaches Permaplat. Yes, hooray for you, PseudoBruty. You've reached the top of
your career path, even if you contribute nothing worthwhile other than cash to your household.
"I live here? Who's that blonde guy?"
If that skunk hoses you down, I will dance the dance of joy.
So, yeah, there are pretty much no pictures of Cami and June here. Twin babies, lots of diapers
and bottles, and one miserable Pleasure Sim who hasn't been on a date in three whole days.
"Mmmmm, plate! Awesome!"
Ain't she a sweetheart, ladies and gentlemen?
"Hey, Orson, the twins are growing up today! Come on over and bring the boys! Also I have a
For some reason, Orson decided to grab a baby, and...
Waitaminute. LARCH? What are YOU doing with a baby?
"Oh, hey Supreme Nerd. Didn't know you were here too."
I'm everywhere. You didn't answer my question--what the heck are you doing with Sycamore?
"Family Sim--WOOT BABIES! Minions, yessss!"
But... But you're Eeevil, Larch. You don't go doing nice things for babies that aren't even yours.
"Says you. C'mon, cousin. Drink up. SUCKLE FROM THE RUBBERY TEAT OF EEEVIL!"
Sweet cracker sandwich, Isaac, take back Sycamore before he makes her Eeevil.
"Muahahahaha babies and Eeevil!"
*sigh* Welcome to the enigma wrapped in a conundrum that is Larch Vetinari, folks.
Isaac finally manages to wrangle Juniper away from his brother...
For a Family Sim, Calista seems oddly distracted.
"I wonder if Uncle Orson would like a hug. I like hugs."
Just don't get too close to your cousin Larch there, kiddo. He's looking for minions.
Calista grabs Sycamore while the grown-up twins look on.
Yay for two toddlers in the house! Twice the potty-training, teaching to walk, teaching to talk, and
... Wait, did I say "Yay?" I meant "AAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
"So Isaac, we're best friends, right?"
"Since college, yeah. Why?"
"Well, I'm having a bit of a dilemma with this Legacy thing."
"Seems pretty easy to me, except for the part where you have twins and don't get to date for like a
"What do you know about First-Born Effect?"
"That's Clone Babies, right? One baby is born, and subsequent babies have the exact same
personality, and a lot of the time they even look alike."
"Right, and that's Larch and Cypress to a tee. I have two evil kids in my house, Isaac. You have no idea
what that's like. And I don't know what to do about a Legacy heir. I don't know that an evil heir would be
a good choice."
"Uh, Dad, you know I'm sitting right behind you, right?"
"I mean, when we choose the heir and the spare, it won't be a case of chucking baseballs at each
other anymore. It'll be real jealousy, and they both have the potential to do some real damage to
each other. I know Cy's still a kid, but Larch seems the obvious choice right now. He's at least
Family, so he'll want to keep his wife and kids safe from Cypress."
"Why don't you have another kid? Your wife's still young enough."
"Oh yeah, that's a GREAT idea, why didn't I think of that? If we did have another kid, and they
weren't evil, they'd end up becoming heir, and then they'd have not one but TWO evil brothers
trying to take their place. And if we ended up with another Larch Clone, then we'd have a one-on-
one-on-one battle for heirship. I'll pass on that, thanks."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know. They're identical in every way. It's not like one's uglier; that would seal the deal. And
it's not as though it's Cy's fault he's the way he is, but he's not going to like being the spare. I
have a feeling that this whole situation is going to get very ugly before it's over. And I don't mean
the Uglacy thing."
"I wish I had some wise oracle to tell me what to do."
"I guess you'll know the right decision when it comes along. Isn't that usually how it goes?"
"I just don't see a right decision here, Isaac. I love my kids despite their nastiness. I don't want to
see either of them hurt, and I definitely don't want to see one hurt the other. My gut tells me that
those two are going to be at odds."
"I'll trade you for the twins."
"Uh, no, thanks. I've had my fill of potty training for a while."
Dear Journal of Eeevil: Last night Uncle Isaac invited Dad and Cy and I over for the twins'
birthday. I overheard Dad and Uncle I talking; I think Dad forgot I was in the room. What they were
saying didn't make a lot of sense. Dad mentioned something about a "Legacy." I know what
"legacy" means but from the context, they were talking about something more than that. Dad also
mentioned needing an "heir."
That part was pretty clear. He needs someone to pick up where he'll leave off, and it's got to be
me or Cypress. How to make sure it's me? I can eliminate Cy if I have to, but if I can bend him to
my will, he'll be a formidable ally in my Eeevil schemes.
There was something else, too. What was it? "First-Born Effect."
Uncle I said that sometime kids take after their oldest sibling in every way! That means that Cy is
just a copy of me! So I'm the rightful heir! Even though Cy and I are both Eeevil, I'm the only one
who's meant to be, and I'm the only real choice for this Legacy thing. But I can bank on Cy trying
to take it from me by any means necessary; I must think of a way to stop him before he gets in my
Ooh, knock on the door, date's here!
"Hey, baby, wanna be my Eeevil minion?"
"I'm gonna rule this family some day. You're cute, and I can hook you up with some quality Eeevil."
Heh. Guess ol' Larch missed the "Uglacy" part of the conversation. May as well let him have her,
though. Once he ages up, he'll forget all about her.
"So, whaddaya say? Be my minion?"
"You're hott. Hey, I'm hott too. We're both hott."
May as well take a look at the twins while we're at it. This one's Juniper. She's an Aries, 5/6/6/3/5,
EXACTLY the same as Isaac and Orson. Yippee, another personality clone. At least she's not
Isaac's just as good with the twins as he was with Bana. He rolls wants for Talk With a Family
Member or Play With a Family Member, so he gets little boosts from it too.
"You're looking at my abs again, aren't you?"
And here's Sycamore. Her personality is...
*counts to ten*
*wonders if counting to ten has ever worked for anyone, anywhere, in the history of the world*
*cat wanders in to see what the commotion is all about*
*cat decides owner is uninteresting, begins industrious licking of kitchen chair*
*laughs at what a freak the cat is, anger becomes slightly less Krakatoan*
I might let him survive this...
"GAAAHHH! What? What'd I do?"
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU LITTLE WEASEL!!
"Heh heh heh. Oh, you mean that thing with my cousin, right?"
Yes. That is EXACTLY what I mean.
"Well, you know, just practicing my creation of minions."
You made your cousin EVIL!
"Eeevil, technically. And, hey, I have to get it right before I'm heir. Can't risk messing it up on my
own kids, now, can I?"
You made your cousin Eeevil! And who said anything about making you heir? I can't cheat you to
death, but there's nothing against stuffing your Eeevil butt in a room and taking away the door!
Give me one good reason to let you live.
"Oh, come on, Supreme Nerd, you're smarter than that. You can't do anything to me and we both
Come again, cowplant-fodder?
"You need me, at least until my brother grows up. I'm a Family Sim with an easily-achievable LTW.
If you kill me, you're left with Cypress, and he's an unknown factor right now. You wouldn't
jeopardize the security of this 'Legacy,' whatever that is, just to exact your revenge on me. Face
it--until Cy hits the teen years, I'm untouchable."
... I hate you ...
"Isn't that supposed to be my line?"
Oh yes. Cami's personality is Aries 10/10/9/3/1. EXACTLY the same as Larch/Cypress. And I
KNOW I rolled the freaking dice this time. But Larch was the last one to feed her before she grew
up (and Orson was the last one to feed June, for that matter, and she got his personality).
Coincidence? Knowing Larch, he found a way to make his cousin Eeevil. To make matters worse,
he's right about me not being able to just kill him.
"Hugs for Cami!"
"Hugs for Bana!"
Well, she's not irredeemably Eeevil, at least.
Bana brings out the hugs in everyone.
"Ahem? Pleasure Sim dateless for a week?"
"Daddy is awesome! I love my daddy!"
Feels good even without the aspiration boost, doesn't it, Isaac?
Banyan grows up. She's got her father's jaw, that's for sure.
"I'm awesome! Totally awesome!"
Popularity Sim through and through. Her LTW is to reach the top of the music career.
"I'm gonna be a jewel thief! That's Eeevil, right?"
"Hah! Jewel thievery is kid stuff, Cy! I'm gonna take over the world, and when I've taken over the
world, I'm gonna take over a few more just because I can!"
"Er, Supreme Nerd?"
"They really are evil, aren't they?"
"I like my plants. My plants do not constantly speak of evil, or call me Orville. Sadly, I cannot make
friends with them, and as a Popularity Sim, this depresses me."
"That almost might have worked, Larch, if you hadn't tried such a lame distraction. Please, when
has Mom ever wanted to do anything with either of us?"
"Yeah, but you looked, didn't you?"
"Still caught you."
"Nice try. But I'm Eeevil too, short stuff."
I don't think I've ever had two mean Sims play chess before. I don't believe they touched one
piece but they didn't try to cheat.
"Er, Supreme Nerd? What exactly am I painting here?"
Darren McCarty giving Claude Lemieux a savage beat-down.
Lemieux totally deserved it. That hit on Kris Draper was as dirty as they come.
"No, I mean, why am I painting this?"
Many reasons. One, I finally figured out how to get my own images into the game. Two, you
constantly want to sell masterpieces. Three, who doesn't love a good Turtledance Beat-down?
"You're a very strange person."
You know, I get that a lot.
"Do you need to go potty?"
"Uh, Mom, I got potty trained ages ago. Dad did it."
"That's nice, Larry."
"Uh, Mom, I'm Cypress, and his name is Larch anyway."
"Hooray for one of my sons doing something not evil! Hooray! Whooo!"
"And this is what I'll make everyone do when I'm the tyrannical dictator of the whole world."
"I love you, Orwell! Just as much as they day I moved in!"
"Uh, her name's Yvette, right?"
That's entirely possible.
Cypress grows up. Aries 10/10/9/3/1 Knowledge Sim with LTW to reach the top of the journalism
He hated his makeover. I laughed.
And he looks JUST like Larch. When they're both in their school uniforms, I can barely tell them
apart. I could change the hair color on one of them, but that feels like cheating.
"So, Larch, we need to have a talk."
"This isn't The Talk, is it? I mean, I already know that babies come from WooHoo."
"No, it's not about that. Your Uncle Isaac and I, well, we're Legacy Founders."
"And you need an heir, right?"
"How'd you know that?"
"I overheard you and Uncle I talking about it at the twins' party, remember? I don't know what a
Legacy is, though."
"It's getting a family through ten generations. Isaac and I are Generation 1; you and Cy and your
cousins are Generation 2. Each generation needs to have an heir, who will move back into the
house after college and produce the next generation."
"Right, create some minions."
*sigh* "Larch, most people call them 'children'. "
"They could be children minions. Um... childrinions."
"Look, the point is, each generation gets an heir and at least one spare. I need to choose an heir,
and I think you're the better choice."
"But Dad, you told Uncle I that you didn't think you wanted an Eeevil heir, and I'm Eeevil and
proud of it."
"You're also a Family Sim. That means you'll want to produce your own heirs, and keep them safe.
Because believe me, once Cypress realizes he's the spare, he'll try to get to you. Once we make it
known, you'll have to watch your back every step of the way. Cy's Knowledge; if I make him the
heir, it won't be important to him to keep his kids safe when I'm gone, and they won't stand a
chance against you. If I make you the heir, this Legacy might live to see Generation 4."
"Hah! I knew it'd be me! Is there anything else I need to know?"
"Well, this is an Uglacy. You'll have to marry an unattractive person in order to have the ugliest Sim
possible in ten generations."
"Ugly childrinions? Eh, that's not so bad."
"Don't make me regret this. And don't tell your brother we've talked. The longer he remains in the dark,
the safer we all are."
"I figured that out a long time ago."
"I wish it didn't have to be like this, Larch. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll have an evil heir and
an evil spare, but I'd do anything to change that."
"Aww, c'mon, Dad. Eeevil isn't so bad."
Speaking of evil...
Sycamore grows up.
"Hey, I have fingers!"
Uh, yeah, but I might get sick of the lag, so don't get used to it, mmmkay?
Juniper grows up.
The twins learned all their toddler skills, and Cami actually managed to max Charisma
as well. June didn't quite make it, but she got really close.
Oh, and the bare wall is my solution for dealing with twins--slap up a wall between the
cribs so that they don't wake each other up constantly.
He did this all on his own. But I have no idea why his thought-bubble is of Banyan when he's
tucking in June.
And then he went and tucked in Cami. I swear, the dice did not do this guy justice at all. Isaac is
the world's crappiest Pleasure Sim. He rolls wants to date, but not any of the other usual stuff like
Blow Bubbles or Jump On Couch or Play Computer Game, and then he does stuff like this
Breakfast at the Vetinari Prettacy.
Calista: "Bana is awesome!"
Isaac: "I know! It's so awesome how awesome she is!"
Bana: I am awesome, aren't I?
June: Daddy's so smart! That's awesome!
Yup, there's that one nice point showing through.
Although, they were all playing darts and she was laughing with June and Bana. Perhaps next
door is far enough to escape the Eeevil clutching tentacles of cousin Larch.
Bana definitely got the Vetinari jaw. Looks like she got her mom's nose, though.
"So, yeah, headmaster, we all totally got potty trained. Isn't that awesome?"
Only here is this acceptable dinner conversation for impressing the headmaster. Ah well; final
score was 91/90, which is disappointing. I mean, they got in, so, yay, but I didn't get as many
points for the food as I usually do, and I got no Schmooze points despite Banyan meeting him at
the door in the gigantic Aspiration Reward glasses in platinum (which is what got Larch and Cy in
despite the headmaster not eating dinner).
Bana and June head off for their first day of private school.
And so does Sycamore. Happily, Calista can encourage her to be nice, so little Cami might not
turn out so Eeevil after all.
Isaac, I'm pretty sure sticking Calista's head through the couch voids the warranty.
"Shut it! Pleasure Sim on date!"
Because I like you, I'll allow that tone of voice. But don't make a habit of it.
"Pleasure Sim WHEEEEE!"
He's wanted to do this since Bana was born.
"Who's the best Daddy ever?"
These two get along amazingly well. Maybe it's because Isaac and June have the same
personality. If she rolls Pleasure when she hits teenager, I will be mightily sad.
"June, did I ever tell you how glad I am you're not evil?"
"Thanks for not being evil! Uh, don't tell Cami I said that."
"I love my daddy!"
I realized I didn't have more shots of Calista with the kids. I have none of PseudoBruty because,
frankly, there aren't any of those moments, but Calista actually interacts with them a lot.
All the Prettacy kids, even Sycamore here, have good relationships with Calista.
Oh yeah, she's not Eeevil at all *eyeroll*
She has the "Brassed-off" flamey thought balloon, only THERE'S NOTHING IN IT. Cami's furious
Hooooooo yeah. Now there's a face you wanna see standing over your bed in the morning.
"Did you say something?"
Trust me, Cami, after Larch and Cy, nothing you can do will scare me anymore.
Speaking of the Eeevil Uglacy clones, let's see how they're dealing with the teen years...
"Heh, Cy, nice stubble."
"It wasn't my idea, believe me."
"I think Supreme Nerd likes me best. I got a better makeover!"
"Maybe she likes Mom best."
"Does ANYONE like Mom best?"
"He can barely remember her name!"
"You know, Larch, now that I'm a teenager, I'm on your level. I can do all of the Eeevil things you
can do. We should settle this question of who's more Eeevil once and for all."
"Hah! You on my level? Don't make me laugh! I have a Minion Girlfriend AND I made Sycamore
Eeevil. What have you done lately?"
"Hey, I've only been a teenager for a day here. Give me some time, I'll have a minion girlfriend in
"In your head, maybe."
"You can't treat me like a kid anymore! I've got just as much potential for Eeevil as you have! I
don't have to let you act like I'm your stupid kid brother!"
"You ARE my stupid kid brother. The fact that you're a teenager means nothing!"
"I oughtta take you down for that little crack."
"Ha! Go ahead and try, junior."
"How's that feel, you patronizing jerk? Who's the Eeevil brother now?"
"Meh. Not even lethal. It's okay, bro, not everyone has it in them to be really Eeevil."
"I could have done worse, but Dad seems attached to you. Although Mom probably wouldn't miss
"Yeah, I know, she called me Luke yesterday."
"Do you think we got our Eeevil from her?"
"I don't know where I got mine from, but you got yours from me."
"Have you been over at Uncle I's using the bubble blower? You're my BROTHER; how can I have
possibly have gotten my Eeevil from you?"
"It's called First-Born Effect, dork, look it up! It means that all subsequent children have the first-
born's personality. That means that I was the one meant to be Eeevil, and you're just some
"Well, if that's true... Then maybe you're the prototype and I'm the production line of Eeevil!"
He thinks HE'S the real heir to Eeevil? Sheeeeyeah right! "Muahahahaha!"
"Prototype this, you sissy!"
"Curse my lack of Body skill!"
And so I leave you with this touching scene of Brotherly Loathe.
Next time: the Founders go gray *sniffle*, the twins grow up, the battle for Eeevil supremacy
between Larch and Cypress continues, and Gen 2 heads off to college.