Spider Jerusalem's Completely Hypothetical Bachelor Challenge, Day 4
Its Day 4 of the Utterly Hallucinatory Spider Jerusalem Vetinari Bachelor Challenge!Four lucky SimSelves are battling it out for the affections of the hot Legacy spare-spawn.Will there be groping? Will there be slapping? Will there be inappropriate hot tub conversations? Only one way to find out!
These are the four SimSelves who are still in the game:Kaiyah (Kaiyah/Kaiyah2; Legacy Shmegacy), with a score of 136, and Kendra (riot.fighter/riotgrrl 4271; the Punk Legacy),with a score of 135, have been on the top of the heap since the first day. Styx (StyxLady/lorddaeos; Just Another Legacy),with a score of 126, and De (fireflower314; email@example.com; the Morgan and Pierce Legacies), with a score of125, have closed the gap, and on Day 4, its anyones game!
And heres Spider Jerusalem Vetinari: Reaper child son of Gen 2 Uglacy spare Cypress Vetinari, hes enjoying the freedom ofPleasantview, and is not the tormented, introverted, lonely Spider Jerusalem of the Dualegacy.If youd like more Vetinari goodness, check out the Vetinari Dualegacy on DrSupremeNerds SimPage or the Boolprop.comforums.
So, heres the observation post. Mostly its not furnished because I am lazy, but this is where weve all been hanging out.
"Yeah, were feeling sort of lazy here in the observation post today. Larch is busy stalking Di, and Spider Jerusalem--whosbeen here for two days now--is playing Rock Paper Scissors with Stacilee. Now, Cassidy... Cassidys scoring some Aspirationpoints with the matchmaker."SimNerd: SimSelf of DrSupremeNerd, creator of the Vetinari Dualegacy, currently replaying part of Gen 4 due to someglitchtasticness.
"Date! Black hair! A guy with black hair! Facial hair a plus! No makeup! I have given you loads of money, get me a date!"Cassidy Vetinari: half-alien son of Gen 2 Uglacy spare Cypress.
Gilbert: "Have I been brought here for kissing?"Matchmaker: "Thank me later."Cassidy: "Hey, dont Romance Sims and Pleasure Sims throw a bolt or two just on general principle? This is the least suckyMatchmaker date ever! ...No offense."Matchmaker: "None taken."
OK, one Chat, one Joke, and a couple of mild Flirts, and we already have Crushing.Dont know why Gilbert is thinking about Larch.And it turns out that if you make Gilbert selectable, bump him up into gold Aspiration, and change his Turnons with the Orb-a-ma-bob, he and Cassidy get three bolts.
Gilbert: "Im rolling all sorts of Romance Sim Wants right now."Cass: "I think my Pleasure Sim Wants are right there with you."
Ive never had Sims with three bolts while theyd just met and were on a first date. Theyre Crushing, and the dates not evento Great yet, but the Hold Hands passes with flying colors.
Either Im completely losing my mind, or these two are kinda...cute...together.
Gilbert: Romance Sim likes dating!Cass: Pleasure Sim likes dating!Spider: Hey, that guy dancing with my brother sort of looks like... Gilbert. Naaaaah.
Still weirdly sweet, yes?Well, I do have a Bachelor Challenge to introduce...
Di: "... and then Henry heart-farted me as he was being arrested! How embarrassing!"SimNerd: "You should have just whipped out Rodneys Death Creator instead of messing with prison."Di: "Youre one to talk!"SimNerd: "Touche."Larch: "Pssst! Di! Call me!"Di: Dicreasy, writer of the Victorian Legacy.Larch Vetinari: Gen 2 Uglacy heir, Eeevil half-naked finger-gunner.
Stacilee: "Best 200 out of 300?"Spider: "Sure!"Stacilee (stacilee/stacierearden): writer of the Whedonberry Alphabet Legacy.Yeah, I dont think were going to get a whole lot of introducing out of this crowd today.
Gin: "Theyre really slacking off over there today, arent they?"Michelle: "Yeah, like sitting around on the couches chatting is soooo tiring."Orikes: "Oh, I dont know, its not like any of us are going to begrudge Cassidy slides. Or, you know, a decent boyfriend."Gin: GintasticNecat, writer of The Science of a Legacy, eliminated on Day 3.Michelle: MichelleFobbs/MichaelFobbs, writer of the Planetary Apocalypse, eliminated on Day 2.Orikes: Orikes/orikes360, writer of the Pseudo Legacy, eliminated on Day 1.
Gin: "Im not sure I can get behind Gilbert."Michelle: "You have to get over the poking incident."Orikes: "And hey, hes better than Mr. Big Jerk!"Michelle: "Who isnt? At least I got to give that creep a smackdown!"Gin: "I got to torch Cypress!"Orikes: "I think I got the best deal--Larchs childrinions! And, you know, Larch!"Yes, we treat our non-winners well around here.
Orikes: "Well, if theyre not going to introduce the challenge, well just have to do it ourselves!"Michelle: "Its Day 4, right?"Gin: "Yup. So that means more hot tubbing..."Orikes: "A Share Interests..."Michelle: "And three Flirts! We were promised some riskier Flirts today, which means Spider Jerusalem gets to do somegroping!"Gin: "I missed groping by a day."Michelle: "With your score, you wouldnt have let him grope anyway."Gin: "...Yeah..."Orikes: "Anyone want to take any bets on whether Styx or Kaiyahs the first one to mention kissing in the hot tub?"Michelle: "Or if anyone will get the Big Red Hearts of Love today?"Gin: "Or whos going to reject the touchy-feely Flirts?"All will be revealed!Ive tuned the season to Spring, so the relationships shouldnt build as quickly as they have been the last few days.
Theres time for a snack before the hot-tubbing begins.Kendra: "So, yeah, its the Punk Legacy, have you heard of it?"De: "Perhaps in passing..."I have Spider Jerusalem jump in the hot tub and Ask the SimSelves to Join...
Kendra: "Maybe I shouldnt have had all that turkey..."Yeah, that expanding waistline just cost you a shot in Spider Jerusalems hot tub. Now you get to Work Out while everyoneelse enjoys the hot tub.
Yup, its Styx, Kaiyah, and De in the hot tub with Spider Jerusalem.
"Kissing?"He doesnt waste a lot of time, does he?
"Well, at least Gilbert doesnt make me want to bust out my rusty fork."
"Wait, wait, wait... You mean Gilbert Jacquet? And my brother Cassidy?"
"OMG--that was Gilbert Cassidy was kissing! Has anyone got some mental floss? Or perhaps some eye bleach?"
De: "Gins hot."Styx: "Wanna come join me on the wagon, De?"
"Eh, undeniably hot, but hotness isnt everything. Sometimes you need to be able to talk about things. Like killing Gilbert,which I probably cant do now, considering the way he and Cassidy were all over each other."
"Youre kidding, right? Theres one in particular I really enjoy!"
"So, has your feeling on graphs changed from Day 2?"
"You know, Ive come around to your way of thinking!"This one sort of made me scratch my head. She ended the Chat on Day 2 when Spider Jerusalem started talking aboutgraphs, but now shes all in favor. I didnt know they could do that! Styx is really playing for keeps now.
"I like all the things you can do in the dark. Perhaps with sexy lamps."
"Oh yes, the possibilities certainly are endless!"
"What are your feelings towards seeing the deaths of your mortal enemies?"
"Theres nothing more punk than death!"I did not expect this. All the Share Interest topics were accepted wholeheartedly, with nary a red X in sight.Time for the Flirts, and that means time for Spider Jerusalem to get some groping!
My Flirts of choice today are Hold Hands, Caress, and Goose. I dont anticipate any of them rejecting the Hold Hands, butthe other two...No shock that Kendra accepts the Hold Hands.
Kendra: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody touches the glasses!"Spider: "But theyre so... punk-y..."Ooh, Kendra stones Spider Jerusalem on the Caress! Will she let him go for the grope, or is her position in the house goingto become tenuous?
Spider: "I just cant help myself!"Styx: "As if I care!"Styx is the first one to accept all three Flirts.
Kaiyah: "So Ive been thinking about branching out into rusty melon ballers."Spider: "Why mess with a good thing?"Kaiyah: "You may have a point."
Spider: "Your puppet skin feels awesome."Kaiyah: "You can touch aaallllll you want, gorgeous."It must be a bolt thing--Styx and Kaiyah have three with Spider Jerusalem, compared to Kendra and Des two, and both Styxand Kaiyah accepted the Caress, where Kendra and De didnt.
Oh, Ive been waiting for this look through all these flirts.
Spider: "Its a shame you changed out of your swimsuit."Kaiyah: "Isnt it?"
"Its noon. Can I sleep now?"Yup, noon brings a peek at Spider Jerusalems relationship panel. Hes still rocking a Double-Crush with all four contestants,hes friends--but not best friends--with all of them, and the bolts havent changed. But one SimSelf is pulling away from therest, and two are tied for second place eight points back. So who stays and who goes?
Kaiyah (151): "Its Day 4 and Im still in the lead! Rusty forks for the win!"Kendra (143): "Two days without being in the hot tub, and Im still in the race!"Styx (143): "What can I say? I learned from my Day 1 mistakes!"Its still anyones game going into Day 5. Except, of course, for our last contestant...
"No Spider Jerusalem babies?"Sorry, De. No Spider Jerusalem babies.Des out on Day 4 with a score of 129--barely higher than her Day 3 score, despite the hot tubbing. You head out; Ill wranglethe crazy kids over at the observation post into some semblance of order.
This completely pointless slide has been brought to you by naptime.We hope you have enjoyed this completely pointless slide.
SimNerd: "Uh, Cass...?"Cassidy: "Yeah?"SimNerd: "...Never mind."Stacilee: "Hes not wearing pants, is he?"SimNerd: "Not as such, no."Stacilee: "Gilberts still floating around somewhere, isnt he?"SimNerd: "With a three-bolt chemistry and maxmotives, he may never leave. Sort of like Spider Jerusalem, only withunderpants."Cassidy: "Has anyone got a problem with that?"Stacilee: "Nope."
Di: "Shouldnt we be talking to De now?"Larch: "Shouldnt we be cuddling now?"Di: "That would be highly inappropriate. I doubt your fiancee would approve."Larch: "Eh, what she doesnt know..."Di: "...shell find out on Boolprop."Larch: "An excellent point. Ill just stay over here, shall I?"Di: "That would be best."
"I had a pretty good run, didnt I? I mean, even I was surprised when I made it to Day 3 in the middle of the pack! I went fromalmost eliminated to final four, so I cant complain too much! Except, you know, for the lack of Spider Jerusalem babies.And, hey, if it was my lack of three-bolt chemistry Flirt-acceptance that doomed me today, we might see Kendra going outtomorrow--shes the only two-bolter left!"
Stacilee: "Thats a pretty good point--is it going to come down to bolts, or will something happen like an autonomous Flirt infront of someone else to shake up the standings?"SimNerd: "Isnt that supposed to be part of the fun?"Stacilee: "Yes, but weve gotten this far in without seeing any fighting, and surely we cant get all the way through withoutSpider Jerusalem unloading on anyone!"SimNerd: "Hey, we got to watch Michelle go postal on Big."Stacilee: "You are quite generous with your consolation prizes."SimNerd: "Speaking of..."
"Hey! I dont get to have a wedding, I dont get to beat anyone up, I dont get to be all gropey with Di... How come I dont getto have any fun?"We get it; youre Eeevil. Now shut up and look hot.
De: "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"Big: "Im rich, shallow, and conceited. How else am I expected to behave?"De: "Youre really not helping your case here."Big: "Whatre you going to do? Beat me up? Oooh, Im soooo scared to be beaten up again. Just try not to throw me throughthe stereo this time; that really messes up the hair."
De: "Rodneys Death Creator?"Rodneys Death Creator.Big: "Whos what now?"
"Oh, look! That cloud looks just like a falling satellite!"
"This ones for all the Cassidy fans out there!"
"Oh no. Whatever will I do. That large hunk of smoking metal has squashed that poor man flat. Someone really should pleadwith the Reaper."...Look at the time, my soaps are on!"
"Throw your hands in the air like you just dont care! And by that I mean, care that Mr. Big Jerkwads dead!"Dont let her Family Sim baby-obsession fool you, folks, De is stone cold. I did not make her do this. Grimmys outside next tothe smoking heap, and shes inside getting her groove on.Clearly she hasnt seen the bonus gift...
"Yeah, hey, totally meant to plead and stuff, but you know how it is when youve got that Dancing Fever... How much? Well,Ive got this wad of gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe with a penny in it..."
"I smell bad and I want a grilled cheese sandwich."Is this the first-ever Grilled Cheese Zombie Mr. Big? If its not, dont tell me. I wanna be a trendsetter.
"Ahahahahahahaha LOSER!"A sentiment shared by many...
"Next time, were on to Day 5! Will Kaiyah continue to pull away from the rest of the pack, as a fellow Knowledge Sim withthree-bolt chemistry? Will three-bolter Styx score higher than Kendra to send the one-time leader packing? Will Kendra proveonce and for all that theres more to winning than three bolts? What will the consolation prize for tomorrows eliminee be? WillSpider Jerusalem and Gilbert ever leave the observation post? Will we ever see Cassidy in pants again?"Tune in for the answers to these questions, plus more hot-tubbing goodness, groping, and kissing during Day 5 of theSpider Jerusalem Bachelor Challenge!"...Larch, Ill thank you to stay on your own cushion!"
OK, I got tired of the polo shirt and the blonde eyebrows.I think I just made Gilbert kinda hot.