Erlang sucks. EUC 2012


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  • The goal of this presentation was, basically, to commit suicide, since Joe Armstrong was in the audience\n
  • Who am I? Just a regular guy doing regular stuff\n
  • Joe Armstrong: With Erlang it’s very easy to do the impossible and very hard to do the easy stuff\n
  • Erlang is crazy weird wonderful stuff created by mad scientists to be used in crazy weird wonderful stuff created by other mad scientists. Just look at the topics at EUC\n
  • Whereas other languages are these hipster kids showing off their new shiny toys.\nPeople coming from these languages keep asking: “Can you do this or that?” Let’s see if we can.\n
  • This here is a cricket. You know, when there’s silence or some vast empty space filled, well, with emptiness and scilence, that’s when you hear the crickets. I’ll use this cricket to illustrate a point\n
  • How do you manage stuff in other languages? Easy\n
  • What about Erlang?\n
  • Well, there have been attempts at that in the past and currently\n
  • See, it’s insanely easy in some languages. For the love of all that’s good and holy, it’s even easy in PHP!\n
  • Obviously, it’s as easy in Erlang... Or is it?\n
  • You can use agner, but there some problems with it\n
  • Ok, what about other stuff. Perl isn’t even funny, but even Go has 5 packages. \n
  • Erlang is on par with them, is it not?\n
  • Well, if your goal is only to read EXIF data, then yes, of course\n
  • What about some really basic stuff?\n
  • What about this next great thing everyone’s talking about: the cloud? I mean, c’mon. Node.js is two years old and it has everything\n
  • This really goes beyond just the few things I’ve shown here. If you need something insanely cool and hardcore, someone’s doing it with Erlang. If you want something simple that everyone in other languages seems to be using, you’r out of luck.\n
  • I know what I’m talking about, some of this stuff is impossible even today\n
  • I’d say that Erlang really doesn’t suck... in some pretty serious areas. And sucks in some less serious ones\n
  • Really, there was no moral :) If we want Erlang to be more “mainstream”, we should really try and build some of the stuff the “hipster kids” take for granted. Obviously, I want someone else to do that :)\n
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  • Erlang sucks. EUC 2012

    1. 1. Erlang Sucksor How I Lost All Hope
    2. 2. Covering Erlang news for the past 5 yearsMoved to Sweden just to program in ErlangWas a web programmer (PHP, Python,Coldfusion)
    3. 3. Where do I begin?To tell the story of howgreat Erlang could be...
    4. 4. Erlang
    5. 5. Rest of the world
    6. 6. Package/library/dependency management Perl CPAN Python easy_install Ruby gem Node.js npm
    7. 7. Package/library/dependency management
    8. 8. Package/library/dependency management rebar erlware CEAN agner epm
    9. 9. Package/library/dependency management gem install package_name easy_install package_name pear install package_name (PHP 0_o)
    10. 10. Package/library/dependency management{deps, [application_name,        {application_name, "1.0.*"},        {application_name, "1.0.*",        {git, "git://", {branch, "master"}}}]}.
    11. 11. Package/library/dependency management{deps, [application_name,        {application_name, "1.0.*"},        {application_name, "1.0.*",        {git, "git://", {branch, "master"}}}]}.
    12. 12. Package/library/dependency management{deps, [application_name,        {application_name, "1.0.*"},        {application_name, "1.0.*",        {git, "git://", {branch, "master"}}}]}.1> agner fetch package_name
    13. 13. Libraries: ImagingPerl 2971 hits on CPANPython PILRuby 105 hits on rubygemsNode.js 37 entries in npmPHP built-inHaskell 242 entries on HackageGo 5 packages
    14. 14. Libraries: Imaging
    15. 15. Libraries: Imagingerl_img
    16. 16. Libraries: Formatted Text Markdown Textile BBCode ...Python RubyHaskell GoErlang
    17. 17. Libraries: The Cloud Amazon Rackspace Heroku ...Python RubyHaskellNode.jsErlang
    18. 18. You see?
    19. 19. News 3 years PHP 2 years Erlang Forum PHP Wiki PHP
    20. 20. Sucks Not Frontend Backbone “Mainstream” Some of backend libraries Management Small projects If it ain’t 5 million hits Medium a day, it’s not a projects project GUI
    21. 21. Moral of the storyfunny and insightful at the same time
    22. 22. Credit where it’s dueMad Scientist: hipster kids by Gaultier:
    23. 23. Credit where it’s dueTick, cross: hipster kids by Gaultier: