The document provides 11 reasons why someone should not do a startup, arguing they will likely fail. It asserts that would-be founders are often wantrepreneurs who lack passion for solving customer problems, are lazy, have unrealistic business plans and ideas without prototypes or customers, cannot sell or market, and would rather watch TV than change the world. The document uses strong language and sarcasm to emphasize these points about traits of founders likely to fail.

1. Why NOT To Do a Startup
… because You Will FAIL, Loser.
Dave McClure
500startups.com
FailCon India
Bangalore – Feb 2013
@DaveMcClure

2. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
 You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:
 You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup
 You want to make LOTS of Money.
 You have Teh Awesome Technology Solution.
 The Right Reasons:
 You Live in Fear.
 You Can’t Get Laid.
 Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM

3. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB
 You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
 You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.
 You Live in a Big House.
 You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.
 You Want to Kiss The Kids Goodnight.
 You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.

4. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,
But No Product and No Customers.
Bullshit Revenue
Projection ----->
(up & to the right)
See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”

5. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#4: Your Idea SUCKS
(and even your Mom thinks so)
 You Don’t Have a
Working Prototype.
 Worse: Have Prototype,
But No One Uses It.
 It Sucks a Lot More than
the Competition.
See: “Lean Startup (Ries) &
Customer Development (Blank)”

6. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…
to a PROBLEM that does not exist.
See: “Your Solution
Is Not My Problem”

7. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#6: You’re a LOSER, not a
LEADER.
 You Procrastinate. A Lot.
 You’re not Charismatic.
 You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
 Your Vision is usually Wrong.
 You’re Scared of Change.
 When Other People Tell You That
You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.
 …and you’re Ugly too, bitch.
Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”

8. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money
(or SuperAngels Collude to Screw You Over)
 50 slides in your deck
 Technical Jargon
 Demo FAIL
 Clueless Investors
 EVIL Investors
See: “How To Pitch a VC”

9. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have
No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
 No Technical Founders / Coders
 No Design / UX / Usability
 No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
 No Mobile expertise
 No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
 No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.

10. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#9: CoFounders & Employees = Whiners.
 You WILL miss a payroll.
 Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
 There WILL be Office Politics.
 People WILL discover and compare
salary & stock options.
 Someone WILL sue yer ass:
 Sexual Harassment
 Wrongful Termination
 Unhappy Customer
 Jealous Competitor

11. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.
 You Don’t Know Marketing.
 You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
 You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.
 You Think SEM = SEO.
 You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms
(Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
 You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone
App, or a Social Game.
 You’ve never sent an email
See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)” campaign, written a blog post, or run
an affiliate marketing campaign.

12. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#11: You’d Rather Change the Channel
Than Change The World.
 Wouldn’t you rather watch
Dabangg or T-20?
 Sure you would, Loser.
 Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.
Fuck.
 That.
Noise.