Existential courage
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Existential courage Presentation Transcript

  • 1. Existential Courage: Working with conflict and crisis Prof Emmy van Deurzen University of Sheffield 1 July 2011
  • 2. Emmy van Deurzen
  • 3. Past
    • Born and raised in Netherlands (the Hague)
    • Philosophy masters, Montpellier
    • Clinical psychology masters, Bordeaux
    • PhD, City University, London.
    • Work in psychiatry for seven years
    • London 1977: Arbours and PA
    • 1978 onwards: Antioch University (Esalen training)
    • 1982: created first masters in existential therapy
    • 1985: Regent’s College
    • 1987: first book ; founded Society for Existential Analysis
    • 1988: merged course with RC: prof and dean SPC
    • 1993-95 1 st chair UKCP
    • 1996: New School of Psychotherapy and Counselling, prof Schiller and Sheffield Uni; now MU.
  • 4. Author of Books on Existential Psychotherapy and Counselling
  • 5. Existential Supervision
    • Edited by Emmy van Deurzen and Sarah Young
  • 6. RECENT BOOK: 2009
  • 7. 2010: 1. Second Edition Everyday Mysteries 2. Skills in Existential Counselling and Psychotherapy
  • 8. Existential Therapy
    • The existential approach to counselling and psychotherapy is a philosophical method for understanding human difficulties
    • Based on phenomenology and existential thought
    • Socrates said: the unexamined life is not worth living.
  • 9. HUMAN CONDITION Existential therapy focuses on the way in which a person struggles with the human condition and in particular with our inevitable limitations and the limits of life.
  • 10. Existential therapy is good in crisis or during periods of life change In the whirlwind of change we need to find steadiness, persistence and resilience
  • 11. Change, conflict and crisis will happen
    • Everything (every object and every process) is made of opposing forces/opposing sides.
    • Gradual changes lead to turning points, where one opposite overcomes the other.
    • Change moves in spirals,
    • not circles.
  • 12. Anton Chekhov
    • Any idiot can face a crisis –
    • it’s day to day living
    • that wears you out
  • 13. Aim of existential therapy.
    • Enable people to tell the truth about their lives and themselves.
    • Help them live passionately and to the full.
    • Facilitate their greater understanding of the human condition.
    • Recognize strengths and weaknesses and make the most of both.
    • Live with courage and confidence, taking charge of life.
  • 14. Is this about finding enduring happiness ?
    • Happiness and unhappiness are twins that grow up together. (Nietzsche, 1882: 270)
    • We need to get to know both sides of life.
  • 15. Onto-dynamics
    • Learning to live in line with the laws of life.
    • Paradox, conflict, difficulty and dilemmas are our daily companions.
    • With a crisis thrown in here and there.
    • The way you respond depends a lot on the worldview and strength you build up for yourself
    • Your courage and flexibility will increase with practice as you gain greater perspective and depth
  • 16. Balancing pros and cons after structural analysis
  • 17. Both positives and negatives
  • 18. What is paradox?
    • Only to the extent that we accept polarities, conflicts and contradictions do we learn to live with truth
    • Onto-dynamics rather than psycho-dynamics:
    • Life is tension between opposites
  • 19. Making sense of life
  • 20. Energy is the flow between two poles Source: kidzoneweather.com
  • 21. Dialectics
    • Thesis, antithesis, synthesis.
    • Human evolution proceeds with constant conflict and forward movement in overcoming a previous state.
    • Paradoxes and dilemmas
    • can be integrated
    • and gone beyond.
  • 22. Dialectics Transcendence Thesis Antithesis Synthesis
  • 23. Dialectics: transcendence in space Synthesis: a wider view future Thesis: my view (past ) Antithesis: your view (present)
  • 24. Life as hero’s journey
    • The challenge: travelling far, braving danger in order to save the world.
    • Have an adventure, then return to safety: home coming, using our compass.
  • 25. Paradoxes of human existence
  • 26. Human values rediscovered.   DESIRES FEARS VALUES PHYSICAL life death vitality SOCIAL love hate reciprocity PERSONAL identity freedom integrity SPIRITUAL good evil transparency
  • 27. Exercise
    • Make a list of eight different qualities, characteristics or talents you think you have.
    • For example:• parent• gardener• bi-lingual • son/daughter • psychologist • student
  • 28. Different dimensions of the four spheres of existence evd 10 Umwelt Mitwelt Eigenwelt Uberwelt Physical survival Nature Things Body Cosmos Social affiliation Public Others Ego Culture Personal identity Private Me Self Consciousness Spiritual meaning Sacred God Soul Transcendence
  • 29. You might try to play it safe and avoid catastrophes
    • But you still need the courage to brave ordinary everyday challenges and the odd crisis
  • 30. PERHAPS YOU THINK YOU WILL BE SPARED CRISES AND CONFLICTS?
    • Are you ready for the challenges of your new career?
  • 31. Transitions and Crisis.
    • Transitions, change and transformation are a part of normal human evolution and are inevitable.
    • Sooner or later comes a crisis in our affairs, and how we meet it determines our future happiness and success. Since the beginning of time, every form of life has been called upon to meet such crisis.
    • Robert Collier.
    • Some crises are so profound they are experienced as catastrophe and lead to trauma.
    • Be prepared for difficulty and at the same time aim for harmony.
  • 32.
    • Socrates: the unreflected life is not worth living. The good life is passionately lived.
    What does it mean to live well?
  • 33. Camus: Sisyphus
    • There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is … whether life is or is not worth living.
    • (Camus: The Myth of Sisyphus)
    • Is rolling the stone up the hill sufficient to fill a human heart?
  • 34. Being yourself
    • The greatest hazard of all, losing oneself, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly. Any other loss- an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. is sure to be noticed.
    • (Kierkegaard: Sickness unto Death:32)
  • 35. Buber’s encounter being with others
    • The interhuman: das Zwischenmenschlichen; the in-between is where real communication takes place.
    • (Buber, Between Man and Man, 1929).
    • All actual life is encounter (ibid: 62)
    • This is where truth is found.
  • 36. Isolation
    • There is no such thing as a separate human being, in the same way in which as Winnicott suggested there is no such thing as a baby.
    • We are only what we are in as much as we are connected to a world.
  • 37. All living is relating
    • Physical: relationships to nature, world of things and bodies around us
    • Social: relationships to other people
    • Personal: relationship to ourselves, our thoughts, dreams, memories and fantasies
    • Spiritual: relationships to ideas, beliefs, transcendence and eternity
  • 38. Different dimensions of the four spheres of existence Umwelt Mitwelt Eigenwelt Uberwelt Physical survival Nature Things Body Cosmos Social affiliation Public Others Ego Culture Personal identity Private Me Self Consciousness Spiritual meaning Sacred God Soul Transcendence
  • 39. Kierkegaard’s stages.
    • Vegetative
    • Animal
    • Aesthetic
    • Ethical
    • Thinking
    • Doubt
    • Leap of Faith
    • Spiritual
  • 40. Kierkegaard’s definition
    • Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
    • ‘ Whoever has learnt to be anxious in the right way has learnt the ultimate.’
    • (Kierkegaard 1844:155)
  • 41. What is anxiety? The energy of life And energy can be used or can overwhelm you
  • 42. To live is to be anxious
    • Until we die
    • Because we die
    • Because we were born
    • Because there is nothing else we can do
    • It is life rather than death anxiety that paralyses
    • We have to learn to stand up and be counted; to ek-sist in past, present and future
  • 43. Seasons and cycles of life
    • We are born:
    • live and die
  • 44. Between birth and death
    • We are helpless at birth
  • 45. Wellcome exhibition: life before death, Walter Schells Memento Mori
  • 46. To live and to die
  • 47. Eyes that see the world no more: finding peace
  • 48. Living matters. Dying always comes sooner than we think. Life is short.
    • We don’t know how to live right.
    • Living is not easy.
    • Living well is extremely difficult: we have to learn how to ripen rather than wither on the vine.
    • We pass on what we have learnt but often fail to mention how to live a good life; what works and what doesn’t.
  • 49. Our life is in flux
    • Things constantly
    • change and so do we
    • Circle of life goes on
    • We cannot stop it
  • 50. Stages of a Woman’s life
  • 51. Our lives are like the seasons or the birth of day and night.
  • 52. Watching life go by
    • observers
    • participants
    • creatures
    • or creators
    • active
    • reactive
    • pro-active
    • passive
  • 53. Life is a journey: in both space and time
    • We are on the way towards somewhere, sometimes without knowing it: we hide or ignore our own intentions and direction. We live automatically or by default: feeling battered by the waves of life.
  • 54. Captain of your ship
    • So, how do we learn to captain our own ship to find our way through our life with deliberation?
  • 55. Tight fit:
    • Sometimes life is plain sailing, but at other times, prevailing winds are from the north, or we are having to navigate between a rock and a hard place..
  • 56. Taking shortcuts
    • The objective of life is not to get to some destination, some utopia where all will be well ever after: happiness is not the objective, but only an occasional port
    • Taking shortcuts is usually counterproductive.
    • They stop us learning about life.
  • 57. Nietzsche’s warning
    • The supposed 'shorter ways' have always put mankind into great danger; at the glad tidings that such a shorter way has been found, they always desert their way
    • – and lose their way
  • 58. Kierkegaard’s reflective living as the knight of faith can only happen if we live for real: we can only truly learn if we live it
    • Life has to be remembered backwards but it has to be lived forwards
  • 59. Attunement to what is (mindfulness)
  • 60. Kierkegaard’s paradox
    • Personhood is a synthesis of possibility and necessity.
    • Its continued existence is like breathing (respiration), which is an inhaling and exhaling.
    • (Kierkegaard, Sickness unto Death: 40)
  • 61. Letting life in: being=breathing
    • Air : spirit : soul : life.
  • 62. Heidegger’s project (Entwurf)
    • Anxiety is related to homelessness (Unheimlichkeit):
    • the fact that we
    • are project,
    • in the throw,
    • means we are
    • never at ease,
    • always unsettled
    • On the move,
    • Not at home.
  • 63. Anxiety turns to panic when action whirls in on itself and is blocked
    • A feeling of dizziness and
    • becoming absorbed in fuzziness
    • But it is also a staircase to somewhere
    • inside.
    • You can retrieve the sense of safety
    • inside your own emotion
    • Before reaching for the unfurling…
  • 64. When anxiety reaches towards its potential
    • We can see the power of the wave
    • Learn to catch it and ride it
    • We are like a planet, in orbit, finding
    • our path.
  • 65. Connecting to the wave and tides
    • Until I saw the sea I did not know that wind could wrinkle water so
    • I never knew that sun could splinter a whole sea of blue
    • nor did I know before, a sea breathes in and out upon a shore
    • by Lilian Moore
  • 66. Our life is like a river
    • We wind our own way down the road of life
    • When it flows steadily that feels good
    • Set patterns are like sediment in the river that make us stagnate
    • Get back into the flow of life
  • 67. Recapturing radical FREEDOM
    • ‘ Freedom is not a property (Eigenschaft : characteristic) of man; man is the property (Eigentum:possession) of freedom.’
    • (Heidegger 1971: Schelling’s Treatise on the Essence of Human Freedom, transl. Stambaugh J. (Athens Ohio: ohio University Press 1985: 11/9).
  • 68. Sartre’s existential ethics There is no abstract ethics. There is only an ethics in a situation and therefore it is concrete. An abstract ethics is that of the good conscience. It assumes that one can be ethical in a fundamentally unethical situation . (Sartre, Notes For an Ethics:17)
  • 69. Things to remember
    • We learn in context and with others
    • To build a true learning community we need to come close to people in mutual respect
    • And by addressing the life issues that really matter to us and our clients rather than red herrings of pathology
    • People’s suffering and fears are the sacred fires that make us human and bring us to life
    • It is up to us to show how these can burn safely and not destroy
    • In order to transform and transcend them we have to make human understanding central to all we do.
  • 70. Conflicts and dilemmas are essential
    • Conflicts are the core of existence.
    • Things and people oppose each other.
    • Conflict can either destroy you or deepen you.
    • Relationships are about tension: fission or fusion.
    • Most conflicts are not just with others but with the world, with beliefs and with ourselves.
    • Conflict does not have to lead to combat.
  • 71. Difficulties on four dimensions physical social personal spiritual Deficit Difference Dilemma Disorientation Disease Discord Deception (self) Delusion Desire Dominance Disappointment Doubt Dependence Dishonesty Dread Debt Dis-embodiment Dis-engagement Despondency Dissolution Death Destruction Distress Despair
  • 72. Existential Space Physical space Social space Personal space Spiritual space
  • 73. Your own little sphere of existence matters
  • 74. Imagine a person like a sphere
  • 75. That person is located in a universe with other planets, stars, suns, moons and spheres
  • 76. Sphere as a planet or a cell: micro or macro level.
  • 77. If a cell: connection with other cells, function and internal constitution are paramount
  • 78. If planet: orbit and position matter
  • 79. Merleau Ponty: Visible and Invisible
    • Things are structures – frameworks – the stars of our life: they gravitate around us. Yet there is a secret bond between
    • us and them –
    • through perception
    • we enter into the
    • essence of the flesh
    • (Visible and Invisible: 220)
  • 80. You experience yourself as having a nucleus: a core, a heart or a soul
  • 81. Perhaps we are more like suns, generating heat and light
  • 82. Solar anatomy
  • 83. Layers of the sun
    • Corona, chromosphere, photosphere, convection zone, and core.
  • 84. Layers of a person’s life. 4.Physical: Umwelt 3.Social: Mitwelt 2.Personal: Eigenwelt 1.Spiritual: Uberwelt
  • 85. Merleau Ponty: soul
    • The soul is the hollow of the body, the body is the distension of the soul. The soul adheres to the body as their signification adheres to the cultural things, whose reverse or other side it is. (233)
  • 86. Layers of a person’s life. 4.Physical: Umwelt 3.Social: Mitwelt 2.Personal: Eigenwelt 1.Spiritual: Uberwelt
  • 87. Dimensions of existence Spiritual: Good/Evil Intuitions, values, beliefs, purpose, meaning. Worldview/Ideas. Personal: Strength/Weakness Thoughts, memories, identity, freedom. Selfhood/Me. Social: Love/Hate Feelings, relations, belonging, acknowledgement. Communication/Others. Physical: Life/Death Sensations, actions, environment, body, things. Survival/World.
  • 88. Different perspectives
    • Depending on where we stand light refracts differently through the prism of life.
  • 89. Our emotions colour our worldview
    • They create different atmospheres at different times.
  • 90. Emotions are our orientation.
    • Emotions are like the weather: never none.
    • They are the way we relate to the world.
    • They define the mood of the moment.
    • They are our atmosphere and modality.
    • They tell us where we are.
    • Learn to tune in rather than tune out.
    • Use the emotional compass.
  • 91. pride jealousy anger- despair fear sorrow shame envy hope- desire love joy Sadness Low Happiness High Anxiety Excitement Engagement Depression Disappointment Disengagement
  • 92. Emotional Compass 1:Pride-confidence-arrogance 2:Jealousy-worry-vigilance 3:Anger-hate-despair 4:Fear-confusion-cowardice 5:Sorrow-misery-resignation Shame-emptiness-guilt:7 Envy-curiosity-aspiration:8 Hope-desire-resolve:9 Love-courage-commitment:10 Joy-thrill-excitement:11 6. Low Despondency Depression Exhilaration Happiness 12:High Up gain Down loss
  • 93. The colour of emotion
  • 94.  
  • 95.  
  • 96. Depressed worldview
  • 97. Compass of Physical Sensation Greed Stinginess Frustration Disgust Pain Need Craving Excitement Lust Pleasure Deprivation Emptiness Satisfaction Fullness Gain Survival Loss Threat
  • 98. Compass of Social Feeling Care Jealousy Anger Fear Rejection Shame Envy Approval Love Acceptance Isolation Separateness Belonging Oneness Engagement Disengagement
  • 99. Compass of Personal Thinking Superiority Stubbornness Defiance Deflation Humiliation Inferiority Anxiety Courage Commitment Confidence Imperfection Weakness Perfection Strength Success Failure
  • 100. Compass of Spiritual Intuition Pride Prudence Wrath Resignation Disillusionment Guilt Aspiration Hope Resoluteness Bliss Futility Absurdity Meaning Purpose Good Evil
  • 101. Rising above your emotions
    • Above the clouds the weather is steady even when it rains below.
    • Transcending our own situation and emotions allows us to understand our own response.
  • 102. Tillich’s Courage to Be
    • Courage is the universal self-affirmation of one’s Being in the presence of the threat of non-Being (Tillich 1952:163).
  • 103. Integrating non being: Paul Tillich: 1886-1965
    • A neurotic person can take on board only a little bit of non-being
    • The average person can take on a limited amount of non-being
    • The creative person can accommodate a large amount of non-being
    • God can tolerate an infinite amount of non-being.
  • 104. Marcus Aurelius
    • It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live
    • The paradox is that death, troubles, labour, failures, pain and sorrow are unavoidable and necessary
    • They are the things that wake you up to awareness and that open you to life
  • 105. Meaning and Purpose
    • Find out what is meaningful to you.
    • Find out what your purpose in life is.
    • Work for it in truth and with dedication.
    • Come what may..
  • 106. Reclaiming your space Finding fluidity, peace freedom and purpose.
  • 107. Websites. www.existentialpsychotherapy.net www.dilemmas.org www.nspc.org.uk www.septimus.info www.psychotherapytraining.net www.emmyvandeurzen.com Facebook/LinkedIn: Existential Therapy
  • 108. Resilience
    • How do people overcome obstacles and deal with anxiety?
    • How do they survive difficu lties, crises, trauma?
    • Are there personal qualities that enable a person to be resilient?
    • Are there certain ways of being that are more conducive to survival and learning from traumatic experience?
    • Role of creative use of trauma.
    • Happiness is a genetic given for 50% of our happiness quotient.
    • How do we live well?
  • 109. The negatives that are positives
    • Anxiety far from being something to shun and treat as a symptom to eliminate is the source of energy that makes us come to life
    • Our capacity for despair is what makes us deep and capable of feeling, empathy and creativity
    • Without suffering our lives would have less meaning
    • To be human is to be conscious and be aware of lack, trouble, difficulty and strife.
  • 110. How to understand trauma
    • A wound, hurt, or injury to the body. Trauma can also be mental such as when a person feels great stress or emotional injury.
    • Damage caused by violence or accident.
    • Some trauma has a natural cause, some trauma has a social cause.
    • We carry some responsibility for certain traumas and are innocent victims of others.
  • 111. Victimization Physical Responsibility
    • Earthquake
    • Flood
    • Drought
    • Tornado
    • Hurricane
    • Pandemics
    • Tsunami
    • Volcanic eruption
    • Plagues
    • Starvation
    • War
    • Torture
    • Transport disasters
    • Stampedes
    • Persecution
    • Terrorism
    • Hijacking
    • Murder
    • Assault
    • Rape
    • Suicide
    • Smoking
    • Drugs
    • Alcohol
    • Food abuse
    • Stress
    • Recklessness
    • Sports Injury
    • STDs
    • Abuse
    • Extortion
    • Blackmail
    • Harassment
    • Bullying
    • Unfair dismissal
    • Industrial injury
    • Occupational illness
    • Traffic accidents
    Homeostasis Social
  • 112. Overcoming disaster
    • A recent study by Spurrell and Mc Farlane based on work done in relation to communities that have been hit by disasters, investigated the ways in which people actually cope with stressful events. It found that cognitive intrusion was the most important factor standing in the way of a person coping. In other words it is the processing of disasters that is of prime importance. If a person can manage to assimilate the crisis and make it meaningful in some way than it can be processed emotionally and overcome. If it is not dealt with in this way it will remain a cognitive intrusion in the person's life subsequently.
  • 113. What helps?
    • Those who have experienced trauma do better if they have good social support.
    • They do significantly better if they have integrity and a sense of wholeness. (to survive trauma you either need good conscience or no conscience at all…)
    • The conflict or trauma has to be put to good use.
    • There has to be a safe place one can retreat to.
    • It makes a big difference whether you can take some responsibility for your fate.
    • It helps if you feel your trauma is in some ways a proof of your character or a building block of it.
    • If you can claim the crisis as part of your success rather than evidence of failure and bad character: making it meaningful.
  • 114. Breakthrough in stead of breakdown.
    • Loss and transition are about breakdown of the old.
    • Instead of breaking down and becoming depressed it can mean we break through some block and move on to a next level.
    • In the process we become stronger.
  • 115. Dialectics
    • Thesis, antithesis, synthesis.
    • Human evolution proceeds with constant conflict and forward movement in overcoming a previous state.
    • Paradoxes and dilemmas can be integrated and gone beyond.
  • 116. The cycle of change
    • Enter from pre-contemplation
    • Preparation
    • Contemplation
    • Action
    • Relapse and Recycle
    • Maintenance
    • Exit to termination/resolution
  • 117. Conflict is essential
    • Conflicts are the core of existence.
    • Things and people oppose each other.
    • Conflict can either destroy you or deepen you.
    • Relationships are about tension: fission or fusion.
    • Most conflicts are not just with others but with the world, with beliefs and with ourselves.
    • Conflict does not have to lead to combat.
  • 118. Friedrich Glasl’s model of conflict.
    • Stage 1: Hardening Stage 2: Debates And Polemics Stage 3: Actions, Not Words Stage 4: Images And Coalitions Stage 5: Loss Of Face
    • Stage 6: Strategies Of Threats Stage 7: Limited Destructive Blows Stage 8: Fragmentation Of The Enemy Stage 9: Together Into The Abyss
  • 119. Satir’s model of change
    • 1 Old Status Quo: Encourage people to seek improvement information and concepts from outside the group.
    • 2 Resistance:Help people to open up, become aware, and overcome the reaction to deny, avoid or blame.
    • 3 Chaos:Help build a safe environment that enables people to focus on their feelings, acknowledge their fear, and use their support systems. Help management avoid any attempt to short circuit this stage with magical solutions.
    • 4 Integration:Offer reassurance and help finding new methods for coping with difficulties.
    • 5 New Status Quo:Help people feel safe so they can practice.
    Satir Model: Family Therapy and Beyond , ISBN 0831400781, Science and Behavior Books, 1991.
  • 120. When is it worth fighting?
    • Values at work and in personal life.
    • Fraud and corruption are like infections: they undermine the health of an organization or a society, and it is essential they are rooted out.
    • Some people fight, some resist silently, some collaborate with the enemy.
    • Whistle blowers, victims, martyrs, bystanders, aggressors.
  • 121. Phases of Crisis
    • Growing interest in something Excitement/Exasperation
    • Trying out a new way to be Experimentation/Expectation
    • Acknowledgement of situation Expression/Explanation
    • Developing one’s commitment to this Exhilaration/Escalation
    • Public declaration (Discovery) Exposure/Externalization
    • Crisis Ec-dysis/Excess
    • Chaos: living several lives Exhaustion/Escape
    • Giving up past beliefs and aspirations Extraction/Exit
    • Letting go (de-cathecting) Extinction/Excommunication
    • Realizing there is no way back Exclusion/Expulsion
    • Integrating pain and understanding past Emergence/Exoneration
    • Creating new opportunities Exploration/Exertion
    • Making a new commitment Extension/Exchange
    • Establishing life anew Expansion/Exuberance
    • Success Ecstasy/Excellence
  • 122. Resolution or Resignation
    • Considering the issue of whether we have to be as Heidegger said resolute about the resolution of crisis, or whether we have to also be receptive and yielding, with resignation, going with the flow and trusting the laws of life to get it right when we no longer can. Sometimes we are better off merely keeping the boat afloat and following the stream.
  • 123. Bullying at work
    • In 1996 The Institute of Personnel and Development published a survey on workplace bullying that revealed that workplace bullying was costing industry and taxpayers £12 billion a year. It showed that 1 in 8 people reported an experience of being bullied at work. Two years previously a survey done by Staffordshire University Business School showed that 1 in 2 employees experienced being bullied at work at some point in their lives. Bullying is undoubtedly one of the major causes of stress at work. A survey done by an NHS trust in 1999, published in the BMJ showed that 38% of staff in an NHS setting reported experiencing one or more types of bullying in the past year, whilst 42% of staff reported having observed bullying of others. It also noted that bullying leads to psychological ill health and reduced job satisfaction.
  • 124. What is bullying?
    • The Manufacturing, Science and Finance Union (MSF) has identified workplace bullying as "Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behavior, abuse of power or unfair penal sanctions which make the recipient feel upset, threatened, humiliated, or vulnerable, which undermines their self confidence and which may cause them to suffer stress. The word was later defined by Peter Randall, (Adult Bullying - Perpetrators & Victims. P4) as being "the aggressive behavior arising from the deliberate intent to cause physical or psychological distress to others".
  • 125. Dual Concern Model
    • The Dual Concern Model of Conflict Handling has existed for thirty years in the field of organization studies. The two concerns are concern for one’s own interests and concern for the interests of the other; this is sometimes re-phrased as concern for outcome and concern for relationship. Reliant on a nine point grid developed by Thomas (1978) it is operationalized as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (1986). The schema proposes two dimensions: ‘assertiveness’ and ‘co-operativeness’
  • 126. Description of the 5 modes
    • Compete: assertive and not co-operative, an individual concerned to win his/her own position. “It has to be my way”
    • Collaborate: assertive and co-operative, an individual involving the other in working out a solution, concerned with satisfying both his/her own and the other’s wishes. “Let’s see if we can find a solution that satisfies all parties”.
    • Avoid: neither assertive nor co-operative, an individual trying to avoid creating unpleasantness for self, trying to postpone or not worry about issues. “I don’t want to deal with this”.
    • Accommodate : not assertive but co-operative, an individual concerned for the welfare of the other rather than their own. “If this is what you want I will agree”.
    • Compromise : midway in assertiveness and co-operativeness, an individual tries to find middle ground or exchange concessions . “Let’s split the difference somehow”.
  • 127. Susan Robson
    • The dual concern model is based on the notion of symmetric conflict, where there is a conflict of interest between relatively similar parties. These are the conflicts where there is optimistic talk of win-win solutions [1] . However, because of the lack of attention to emotional tone, personal story lines and the structural context in which the conflict occurs, the dual concern model seems mechanistic. Many conflicts are not symmetric but represent a different balance of interests between dissimilar parties. Examples are a majority and a minority, government and rebels, employers and employees. These are asymmetric conflicts where the conflict is built into the structure of the connection or relationship between the parties, often expressed in terms of who holds more power [1] Rothman (1997) refers to ‘naive optimism’ that real conflicts can ever have win-win outcomes, suggesting that this purely distributive focus is misleading, wrong and shallow.
  • 128. Abuse of Power
    • Tim Field’s book Bully in Sight (Field 1996)
    • Describes different forms of bullying at work:
    • Pressure bullying .
    • Corporate bullying
    • Organizational Bullying
    • Client Bullying
    • Serial Bullying
  • 129. Pressure Bullying
    • or unwitting bullying is where the stress of the moment causes behaviour to deteriorate; the person becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or swear at others. Everybody does this from time to time, but when the pressure is removed, behaviour returns to normal, the person recognises the inappropriateness of their behaviour, makes amends, and may apologise, and - crucially - learns from the experience so that next time the situation arises they are better able to deal with it. This is "normal" behaviour and I do not include pressure bullying in my definition of workplace bullying
  • 130. Corporate Bullying
    • Corporate bullying is where the employer abuses employees with impunity knowing that the law is weak and jobs are scarce, eg:
    • coercing employees to work 60/70/80 weeks on a regular basis then making life hell for (or dismissing) anyone who objects
    • dismissing anyone who looks like having a stress breakdown as it's cheaper (in the UK) to pay the costs of unfair dismissal at Employment Tribunal
    • introduces "absence management" to deny employees annual or sick leave to which they are genuinely entitled
    • regularly snoops and spies on employees, eg by listening in to telephone conversations, using the mystery shopper, contacting customers behind employees backs and asking leading questions, conducting covert video surveillance (perhaps by fellow employees), sending personnel officers or private investigators to an employee's home to interrogate the employees whilst on sick leave, threatening employees with interrogation the moment they return from sick leave, etc.
    • deems any employee suffering from stress as weak and inadequate whilst aggressively ignoring and denying the cause of stress (usually bad management and bullying)
    • "encourages" employees (with promises of promotion and/or threats of disciplinary action) to fabricate complaints about their colleagues
    • employees are "encouraged" to give up full-time permanent positions in favour of short-term contracts; anyone who resists has their life made hell
    • Corporate bullying can only be dealt with if there is a consensus in the organization that something is wrong and that talent is being wasted.
  • 131. Organisational Bullying
    • Organisational bullying is a combination of pressure bullying and corporate bullying, and occurs when an organisation struggles to adapt to changing markets, reduced income, cuts in budgets, imposed expectations, and other external pressures. Sometimes managers who are given time to talk about their own problems with stress and pressure can be helped to understand the way in which the organizational climate of bullying and pressurizing is in fact counterproductive.
  • 132. Client Bullying
    • Client bullying is where employees are bullied by those they serve, eg teachers are bullied (and often assaulted) by pupils and their parents, nurses are bullied by patients and their relatives, social workers are bullied by their clients, and shop/bank/building society staff are bullied by customers. Often the client is claiming their perceived right (eg to better service) in an abusive,  derogatory and often physically violent manner. Client bullying can also be employees bullying their clients. Both these sorts of bullying can be dealt with effectively through training seminars and personal coaching.
  • 133. Serial Bullying
    • Serial bullying is the most serious of all these forms of bullying and often the hardest sort to pinpoint and eradicate. It happens where the source of all dysfunction can be traced to one individual, who picks on one employee after another and destroys them. This is the most common type of bullying. The serial bully, according to Tim Field (1996) exhibits the symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). Most people know at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully; most people do not recognise this person as a sociopath. Tim Field estimates one person in thirty is a sociopath.
  • 134. Becoming a target
    • How do bullies select their targets?
    • The bully selects their target using the following criteria:
    • being good at ones' job, often excelling
    • being popular with people (eg colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)
    • standing up for a colleague who is being bullied - this ensures you will be next; sometimes the bully drops their current target and turns their attention to you immediately
    • blowing the whistle on incompetence, malpractice, fraud, illegality, breaches of procedure, breaches of Health & Safety Regulations etc
    • unwittingly highlighting, drawing attention to, exposing, revealing, or inviting comparison with the bully's inadequacy and incompetence simply by being competent
    • being incorruptible, having high moral standards which one is unwilling to compromise
    • being too old or too expensive (usually both)
    • undertaking trade union duties
    • being vulnerable, eg single parent, main breadwinner, carer, living alone, undergoing divorce, bereavement, being young in a group of older people (or vice-versa), etc
    • challenging the status quo, especially unwittingly
    • refusing to join an established clique
    • being vulnerable through being honest and having integrity that you are unwilling to sacrifice
    • being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, etc
    • gaining recognition for your achievements, eg winning an award
    • Jealousy (of relationships or perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of abilities) are strong motivators of bullying.
  • 135. Standing by
    • "All it needs for evil to prosper is for people of goodwill to do nothing" (Edmund Burke)
    • "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it" (Martin Luther King)
  • 136. Denial and Projection
    • The criticisms and allegations that the bully makes often have a grain of truth in them to fool you into believing the whole criticism has validity - which it does not. Don't be deceived. Isolate the grain of truth and then identify the remaining distortion or fabrication, which is likely to be a projection - and thus admission - of the bully's own shortcomings.
    • Denial is everywhere. The person who asserts their right not to be bullied is often blowing the whistle on another's incompetence (which the bullying is intended to hide). Expect the bully to deny everything, expect the bully's superiors to deny and disbelieve everything, and - as evidenced by thousands of cases reported to my Advice Line - expect personnel/human resources to disbelieve you and deny the bullying, for they will already have been deceived by the bully into joining in with the bully and getting rid of you..
  • 137. Secondary bullying
    • Secondary bullying is mostly unwitting bullying which most people start exhibiting when there's a serial bully in the department. The pressure of trying to deal with a dysfunctional, divisive and aggressive serial bully causes everyone's behaviour to decline. One line manager pushes around the next in order to make some space where their own space has been invaded by the bully.
    • Pair bullying is a serial bully with a colleague. Often one does the talking whilst the other watches and listens. Usually it's the quiet one you need to watch. Usually they are of opposite gender and frequently there's an affair going on.
    • Gang bullying is a serial bully with colleagues. Gangs can occur anywhere, but flourish in corporate bullying climates. If the bully is an extrovert, they are likely to be leading from the front; they may also be a shouter and screamer, and thus easily identifiable (and recordable on tape and video-able). If the bully is an introvert, that person will be in the background initiating the mayhem but probably not taking an active part, and may thus be harder to identify. A common tactic of this type of bully is to tell everybody a different story - usually about what others are alleged to have said about that person - and encourage each person to think they are the only one with the correct story. Introvert bullies are the most dangerous bullies.
    • Half the people in the gang are happy for the opportunity to behave badly, they gain satisfaction from the feeling of power and control, and enjoy the patronage, protection and reward from the serial bully. The other half of the gang are coerced into joining in, usually through fear of being the next target if they don't. If anything backfires, one of these coercees will be the scapegoat and sacrificial lamb on whom enraged targets will be encouraged to vent their anger. The serial bully watches from a safe distance, satisfied and gratified.
    • In environments where bullying is the norm, most people will eventually either become bullies or become targets. There are few bystanders, as most of these will be sucked in. It's about survival: you either adopt bullying tactics yourself and thus survive by not becoming a target, or you stand up against bullying and refuse to join in, in which case you are bullied, harassed, victimized, and scapegoated until your health is so severely impaired that you have a stress breakdown (this is a psychiatric injury, not a mental illness), take ill-health retirement, leave, find yourself unexpectedly selected for redundancy, or are unfairly dismissed.
  • 138. Tasks of grieving
    • J.William Worden's (2002)the grieving person has to accomplish four critical tasks, which are: Task 1: To accept the reality of the loss. Task 2: To work through to the pain of grief. Task 3: To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. Task 4: To emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with life.
  • 139. Making the most of crisis
    • As Jaspers put it crisis is a limit situation, where everything is in question, everything is in flux. Everything is split, everything is in opposites.
    • As Master Eckhart said; if you want the kernel you must break the shell. Crisis is when our shell is broken and we can show what is inside of us.
    • What we need is lots of courage and stamina.
    • Resilience runs out without refuelling….
  • 140. The Look of the Other : adding insult to injury.
    • The Other looks at me and as such he holds the secret of my being, he knows what I am . Thus the profound meaning of my being is outside of me, imprisoned in an absence. The Other has the advantage over me. (Sartre, Being and Nothingness:363)
    • This becomes so the more true as we are excluded and maligned by others.
  • 141. Competitive relationships
    • Domination: sadism.
    • Submission: masochism.
    • Withdrawal: indifference.
  • 142. Sartre’s later theory of human relations.
    • We move from seriality to reciprocity.
    • From being like the practico-inert to being a project.
    • From competitive relationships of sadism, masochism and indifference,
    • to cooperative relationships
    • of reciprocity, generosity,
    • collaboration and engagement.
    • (Critique for a Dialectical Reason.)
  • 143. Going forwards :The other as praxis
          • that the Other be a means to the exact degree that
          • I am a means myself
            • that I recognize the Other as praxis
            • that I recognize his movement toward his own ends in the very movement by which I project myself toward mine
            • that I discover myself as an object and instrument of his ends by the same act which makes him an object and instrument of mine
          • (Sartre : Search for a Method)
  • 144. Cooperative relationships
    • Mutuality: reciprocity-equality.
    • Generosity: giving of oneself.
    • Collaboration: working together.
  • 145. What helps?
    • Those who have experienced trauma do better if they have good social support.
    • They do significantly better if they have integrity and a sense of wholeness. (to survive trauma you either need good conscience or no conscience at all…)
    • The conflict has to be put to good use.
    • There has to be a safe place one can retreat to.
    • It makes a big difference whether you can take some responsibility for your fate.
    • It helps if you feel your trauma is in some ways a proof of your character or a building block of it.
    • If you can claim the crisis as part of your success rather than evidence of failure and bad character: making it meaningful.
  • 146. Closure
    • Revenge, retaliation, forgiveness.
    • Generosity, respect, justice.
    • Understanding, meaning, comprehension.
    • Reparation, recognition, restitution.
    • Transcendance and purpose.
    • Jaspers: Only transcendance can make this questionable life good, the world beautiful and existence itself a fulfilment. (1954:126)
  • 147. The wounded healer
    • Chiron’s story: the centaur, twice wounded, son of Chronos and Philyra.
    • Abandoned, then adopted by Apollo.
    • Wounded by his pupil Hercules.
    • Exchange with Prometheus.
    • Tartarus, giving up pain and immortality.
  • 148. How to survive the trauma?
    • Inner coherence and integrity: knowing why you did what you did and being able to be proud of it and stand by it: no regrets.
    • Community with others: continuity of respect and understanding, a platform to speak from.
    • Love and a sense of greater meaning to life than the events come to destroy you.
    • Work and the intention of standing the pain and drawing on it.
    • Recognizing it makes one a better person.
    • Hope of setting the record straight one day and trusting time: belief in the slow force of justice.
    • Finding ultimate meaning and purpose.
  • 149. Simone de Beauvoir (08-86): an ethics of ambiguity.
    • Life is preoccupied in both perpetuating itself and in transcending itself. If all it does is to maintain itself than life is only not dying.
    • I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom.
    • It is not in giving life but in risking life that man is raised above the animal.
    • (Le deuxieme sexe )
  • 150. Four dimensions of life. 4.Physical: Umwelt 3.Social: Mitwelt 2.Personal: Eigenwelt 1.Spiritual: Uberwelt
  • 151. Dimensions of existence Spiritual: Good/Evil Intuitions, values, beliefs, purpose, meaning. Worldview/Ideas. Personal: Strength/Weakness Thoughts, memories, identity, freedom. Selfhood/Me. Social: Love/Hate Feelings, relations, belonging, acknowledgement. Communication/Others. Physical: Life/Death Sensations, actions, environment, body, things. Survival/World.
  • 152. OVERCOMING TRAUMA Spiritual: Integrate what has happened in world view Improve rather than give up values, beliefs, purpose, meaning. Stick with what is true. Personal: Allow the event to strengthen your character Express thoughts and memories. Regain a sense of freedom in relation to adversity. Learn to yield as well as be resolute. Social: Seek to go beyond hateful and destructive relations by isolation and avoidance till Reconciliation is possible. Seek belonging with like minded allies. Communicate your emotions without reproach, resentment, bitterness. Physical: Seek safety when under threat. Trust and heed sensations of stress. Find natural environment that can soothe as well as expand your horizons.
  • 153. Four dimensions and trauma
    • Physical: how do we manage our physical space?
    • Social: how do we relate to other people?
    • Personal: how do we define ourselves?
    • Spiritual: what are the values we adhere to?
  • 154. Making new connections
    • Umwelt: understand physical context and embodiment: person’s relation to the world around them.
    • Mitwelt: describe and take into account the social, cultural and political dimension of the client’s life.
    • Eigenwelt: read and understand the text of the client’s life, find the narrative point of gravity. Who do they think they are?
    • Uberwelt: recognize worldview and values: what is the purpose of the person’s life?
  • 155. Finding a way forward
  • 156. Bibliography
    • Andrea Adams (1992) Bullying at work: how to confront and overcome it , London:Virago.
    • Ellis,(1998), UK’ Bullying and Harassment in the workplace: An acceptable cost? 
    • Ruskin College, Oxford, Ph. D. thesis.<big> Tim Field (1996), Bully in sight:How to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying, London:</big></big> Success Unlimited.
    • Glasl F. (1999) Confronting Conflict: A First-aid Kit for Handling Conflict , London: Hawthorne Press .
    • David Kinchin (1998) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:The invisible injury, London:Success Unlimited 1998.
    • Randall P. (1997) Adult bullying:perpetrators and victims , London:Routledge.
    • Sapolsky Robert M (1998) Why zebras don’t get ulcers: an updated guide to stress, stress-related diseases, and coping , London:Freeman.
    • Quine L. (1999) Workplace Bullying in NHS community trust: staff questionnaire survey, in British Medical Journal , January, 318:228-232 .
    • Bullying and Harassment at work. – Guidance for employees
    • Bullying and Harassment at work.- A guide for managers and employers, ACAS, from ACAS reader ltd. PO box 16, Earl Shilton, Leicester, LE9 8ZZ, tel 01455 852225.
  • 157. Dimensions and Tensions of Human Existence Desires Fears Physical Life pleasure Death pain Social Love belonging Hate isolation Personal Identity integrity Freedom disintegration Spiritual Good purpose Evil futility