MEEKIE It’s as
mad as a FREE!
MONTHLY badger
Issue 5 June 2007
L!
PECIA
YS
EBRIT
CEL
Read our exclusive
interview with a
Hollywood celebrity!
FREE
OMEGA 66
TRACK WITH
THIS ISSUE!!
GIVE I
T
SOME
HEAD

Editor’s welcome meekiemonthly
Contact details:
meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk
Editor: Royston Butterscotch
Dear readers,
Well it’s good to be back. As you
know, last month I was in
hospital having penis reduction
surgery. It was awfully
embarrassing having to tuck it in
my socks all the time. (blush)
So it’s back to business– for
those of you in the UK, summer’s
here and for the lads and
Cover girl: Holly from Walsall
ladettes of the Northern
Hemisphere, time to enjoy the sun. As for me– Find us at www.meekiemonthly.com and
www.myspace.com/meekiemonthly
well, my family and I are off to West Wales for a
few days– my surgically enhanced wife Brenda Meekie Monthly is a free
subscription-based E-Magazine.
is getting my rubber ring ready for my...erm… To subscribe, email meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk
visit to the pool. My young daughter Cindy has A small portion of our profit goes to Cancer
Research
been busy buffing up her ‘Brazilian’ (some kind
of nut I’m guessing) and young www.meekiemonthly.com
Royston
Timmy has been buying some
top-shelf magazines to take with
Editor
him. Juggz Ahoy!
Have a great June. MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 2

Contents Issue 5 June 2007
In this month’s Meekie Monthly: WRITERS WANTED
We’re looking for writers to write for our
5. Interesting facts about horses
hallowed pages. You don’t need any experience–
6. Celebrity Showdown just the cheek to think that you’d be good
enough. Go on back yourself– drop us a line at
8. The BIG Interview– with a real life celebrity!
meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk
9. Letters page
Comment
13. The Lads’ Page– Tits and Beer. Wahay!
14. Agony Aunt– your problems solved
Say NO to
15. Rugby World Cup Preview– how to punch
someone in the face
16. Page 16
the Severn
20. A Flowchart Thing that says
you’re lazy.
Barrage
22. Fok knows
24. Have a look yourself onthly
I read Meekie M
re I watch
26. Siop Meekie Monthly every night befo Of all the fokkin sea in the world, you
I believe
Cagney & Lacey want to build a barrage on my fokkin
28. Horoscopes thly is
that Meekie Mon doorstep to power the rest of the UK.
nd to
great quality, seco
30. Sport You know where you can stick it
none.
A Pope, Italy MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 3
MEEKIE

For our new readers….
ie?
(both of them) …..
ek
e
am
t is This is a drawing of
ha
W a meekie by a well-
renowned artist
Sigh! Do we really have to go through this every
month?
For those of you who do not yet know, a meekie is a person with
a very large head, usually through no fault of their own. There is
Royston says:
nothing wrong with these people. Meekie Monthly aims to
celebrate these amazing people and has been doing so since
1988.
“For some meekies,
having a headache can
This is a real-life be a real headache.
The pharmaceutical
photo of a meekie industry can overcome
this by building bigger
tablets to take”
Meekie Fact: Meekies can be found the whole
world over– even in places like Germany
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 4
MEEKIE

never
gs you
101 thin
horses
about
new
k
of
rry. He was fed up
an soldier called Te
om
ed in 204 AD by a R s rag and bone cart
e to help him pull hi
Horses were invent rs
1.
and invented the ho ld War when they
ng his own chariot, in the Second Wor
pulli avily e
at one that they mad
They were used he
y wars, including th
ominently in wars.
nd.
arou pr an
have also started m
rses have featured
roughout history, ho y positions. Horses
2. Th arm
ight of 3000ft onto
e dropped from a he
anything interesting.
wer
n horses and Italian
why they never say often made betwee
about.
a film ains is
all brains which expl ds. This comparison
very large love glan
orses have very sm
3. H ve
horses and they ha nd National, which
allions are the male of them all, the Gra
4. St d by the biggest race jockey getting up
e love glands.
e UK get very excite their jockey and the
, who also have larg th to
men for racing. People in n of horses falling on
e horses are used the age old traditio never do it again.
5. Som people enjoy seeing ctive and the horses g that they hop
of
shment is 100% effe ving just the one le
ld once a year. Lots ni r ha
is he a reprimand. The pu ed are renowned fo
Short Highland Bre
ooting the horse as the
and sh ith 4 legs although
t horses are born w
6. Mos st performance ,
tstanding ventriloqui
on.
around ou
.
nally worn by horses could fly, turn in an has it that he rode
e Wonderhorse. He
seshoes are traditio been found. Legend
th
7. Hor ver
in the world is Zippo the local paper for
s. His body has ne
most famous horse rious circumstance had bad reviews in
8. The yste he
as depressed after
e died in 1986 in m
en ride a bicycle. H Some say that he w
es.
and ev Point in South Wal .
es and other horses
X off a cliff at Nash between some hors
his BM n
t that went wrong. s the great variatio
his ventriloquist ac ite short. This reflect
tall and some are qu
9. Horses are quite
paint a horse.
10. You can actually
.
11. If ever wanted to MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 5
MEEKIE

Celebrity Showdown
V Corbet
Barker t
ly
more cudd Looks: Ronnie
t
de him a lo C’s diminutive
r frame ma size belied the
was a rampant
sturdie
rker’s fact that he
sex god
Looks: Ba chum. 8/10
le 9/10
than his litt Comic Talent:
uo, Corbett’s legen
an of the d dary monologue
couch remain to
e funny m s on the
this day, timeles
ered th
ften consid t is legendary s
Talent: O 9/10
n 10/10
comic tale
Comic Hair: Corbett st
ndoubted ill sports exactly
er’s u
Bark the same hair th
in the 1970s. S
at he had
plendid
fe.
his entire li
of hair for 10/10
head
ined a full Height: Legend
Barker reta has it that Ronn
9/10
Hair: ie B met Ronnie
wedding– Ronn
C at a
ie C was stood
e
Impressiv on the cake. Ho
Corbett’s heigh
C, wever,
t only adds to h
to Ronnie is appeal
compared
ll but
sn’t that ta n
nnie B wa a tall ma
o 8/10
Height: R 9/10
very much Total:
looked
Barker
36/40
36/40
Total:
It’s a draw! Hoorah!
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 6
MEEKIE

The Great
Meekie
Monthly
Giveaway!
As you may well have noticed, you’ve received a
lovely MP3 of Cardiff superband, Omega 66,
courtesy of your favourite E-mag, Meekie Monthly.
Omega 66 reformed in June 2006, keeping two of the
original members of Dark Chunk, who famously
played at the Glastonbury Dance Tent in 2004.
Your track has been exclusively mixed by renowned DJ, Angel Farringdon, and you
can get the whole of Omega’s brand new album by visiting them at
www.omega66.com or www.myspace.com/omega66.
Omega’s guitarist Krik has also been exclusively interviewed on page 17!
“are currently awaiting reviews of their debut album and recent live shows.
Don’t miss them on Radio One’s Annie Nightingale Show on 4th June.
If you have a band you’d like to promote through the beautiful pages of Meekie
Monthly, please drop Royston a line at meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 7
MEEKIE

The
Mee
kie M
BIG onth
Excl ly
usiv
e!
Interview
This month, we’ve
spoken to the beautiful
Hollywood actress,
famous for appearing in
What day is your bin day?
CSI, ER, Friends,
Thursday
Charmed, Joan of Arcadia
and loads of other films
Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day?
including The Parent Trap Multiple times, yes, multiple times
and Inspector Gadget II.
Elaine is a talented writer If you get in a taxi on your own, do you get into the front
and musician in her own or the back?
right, and tells us that Back seat \"Driving Miss Elaine\" style
she’s been to London and
seen Big Ben and also What did you have for tea last night?
seen the film My Fair Astro Burger and fries to celebrate Memorial Day. Yeah baby!
Lady.
We think she’s a bit crazy, Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day?
but we love crazy women! Multiple times, yes, multiple times
Find Elaine at
www.elainehendrix.com What’s your favourite yellow crescent-shaped fruit?
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
In response to many reader enquiries–
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 8
MEEKIE
yes, these interviews are real!

onthsalyyso. . . .
Meekiers pMe..cos we
Dear TV Made My Son a
Superhero
Who says television
ag
Your favourite lette
doesn’t influence yo
ung children? My 8
old son got bitten by year
a spider last week an
d now runs around
Maesteg in a red su
it saving people from
burning buildings
(which is quite comm
on in Maesteg). Who
says television turns
children in monsters?
My son is a hero!
Train Trauma
Egg-sploding Ethel Les Gardner
Maesteg
I am a train conductor and I’m sick
me round last
My mother-in-law Ethel ca of mothers getting on to my trains,
her one of my
week for tea and I cooked I’ve enclosed a pic of
with six or seven kids and with him in his last heroic
wards, I realised adventure
speciality omelettes. After prams wider than a pickup truck. It’s
te and my
that the eggs were out of da my job to help these lazy women get
hours later
fears were confirmed a few their troop of clones on and off my
e salmonella
when she detonated an hug train. I even had one woman tell me
refurbished
salvo in the pan of my newly to learn some manners after I told
here where she could stick her
bathroom.
let and see a
Now, every time I visit a toi pram. Perhaps these women should
er, I think of
similar straw-coloured splatt learn to keep their legs closed
of your readers
my mother-in-law. Do any instead?
es that remind
have any similar visual cu
them of someone? Andy
Merthyr Tydfil
Colin Cupcake
Colchester
Pointless Penguins
ramme. Hi. My name’s Dan and
C’s Planet Earth prog
t down to watch the BB I’m your new
warm by standing in a
d I sa
Last night, my wife an nguins on. They keep Spiderman. As you can
th all the pe get a
We watched the one wi huddle so that they all
go on the outside of the see, I’m in a bit of a
ns to
huddle, taking it in tur pickle right now. But
e to move
middle. ven’t they got the sens
turn in the warm with a bit of Spidey-
to do that, then why ha eek to
And they’ve got the ch
e
If they’ve got the sens
Meek
t bloody-mindedness.
magic I’ll be out in no
ie Mo
ih! nthly
Talk abou at dump pretty sharps
somewhere warmer?
Wales
bird would get out of th
time– ready to fight
Any sensible
call themselves birds!
UK crime wherever it
World happens….
David Kagool
Saltash, Cornwall MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 9
MEEKIE

Back Issues
We’ve got lots of back issues of Meekie Monthly
left. We’ve been doing Meekie Monthly since
1988, but we only launched the electronic
version back in March
2007. We think you’ll
find that we’re getting
bigger and
The Isle of Wight
better every month.
Meekie Monthly
Competition Time! If you’ve missed out on
the earlier issues, fear
not– you can order them, free of charge, from
Yes, here’s your chance to win your very own island! us. I think we’re a bit
too good to you, but
It’s got everything that you’ve ever wanted– beaches, some grass and
then we think that in
even a regular boat service to the mainland. All you have to do to win this
this day and age, you
splendid prize, is answer this very easy Isle of Wight question:
deserve something for
free.
What is Cilla Black’s real name?
All you need to do is
Send your answers on a postcard (or in an email) to email us at
The_Precislla_White_Competition@meekiemonthly.com meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk, requesting which
issue you want. We’ve got them all from March
All entries must reach us by June 30th.
onwards. Think– they might be worth something
in a few years’ time. Probably not though.
Stop press! Due to an oversight by one of my family members, I do not in fact, own
the Isle of Wight and am therefore unable to offer it as a prize in this competition. I am very sorry for all
distress caused and I will do my best to find a suitable alternative. Isle of Man any good anyone? MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 10
MEEKIE

Get noticed
Even in small business, image is everything
Press releases · web page content · sales letters · newsletters ·
advertisements · advertorials · brochures · feature writing
www.beacon-media.co.uk
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 11
MEEKIE

Advertisement
Ginger
Person
of the
Month
Every month, Meekie
Monthly celebrates those
wonderful ginger people
by interviewing them
Name: Rachelle
Location: Ely, Cardiff
Why I love being ginger: It's eye catching and
certainly not boring. Out of a group, the redhead is the
first one you spot! Also we're least likely to go grey!
Having red hair feels special cos it's quite a rarity, and
takes up something like 2% of the population, how cool is
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I read Meekie Monthly
before every fight. It
gives me an edge over
my opponents.
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MEEKIE

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MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 13
MEEKIE

Dear My daughter is an embarrassment
Dear Briony
My daughter has the most hugest head that the world has ever seen. Every time we
Briony….. go to Kwik Save, children stop and stare. Last Christmas, the Council even decorated
it and made her stand outside the Town Hall for 7 weeks.
However, she's now become depressed. She's become a recluse and all she does all
Your embarrassing problems day is sob on her (huge) pillow.
published to the world What can I do?
Sarah
Newcastle
I can’t get laid
I’ve got good news for you Sarah. Soon, you won’t have to shop at quick save any more.
What is the best way to ensure that I get laid on my You’ll be able to ascend to the highest rung of the grocery ladder, Waitrose. Actually do they
first date? I've spent so much money wining and even have Waitrose in Newcastle? Probably not. You’re probably at the pinnacle of
dining women and I never get to the 69ing. It's become shopping excellence already, aren’t you? Scrap that. My point was that you are sitting on a
so bad that I've started turning up for the first date, goldmine. Guinness will probably pay you a million pounds a day to feature your daughter’s
saying \"Hi\" and then leaving again as nothing head within it’s esteemed pages. You could get hats made especially for her. What more
ever happens on the first date. does she want? You need to teach her about life: you play the hand (or head) you’re dealt
Please help
Trevor
Lincoln The Impotence o
f being Ernest
Dear Briony
Before you reach for the Roofies, Trevor, you might want My husband Erne
st recently com
to consider this statistic. Only 0.001% of people named e home from the
impotent. The fa doctors and told
ct of the matter
Trevor have ever had sex. And those that did were doing me that he was
is, he's not impo
take our next do tent- he's just a
or neighbour Col
farmyard animals. So go on down to your town hall and road digger. No
in– he’s very im
and sings solo in w
potent- he's on
the local church the local Counc
get your name changed by deed poll. (Tip: Kevins, choir. How can
that he's not as il
I break the news
impotent as he
thinks he is? to my husband
Leslies and Kenneths are even less likely to get laid). Sally
Bath
Oh, Trevor? And this is just a thought, mind, you might
want to stop thinking about dating as a capitalist
I know for a fact
transaction where the woman is just a provider of a Colin is not only
impotent, but he’s
man can’t, you kn
service. That might be where you’re going wrong. I’m not important too. Im
ow, ahem, do the portance is when
special thing that
cases other men a
men do to women
sure women are very inclined to engage in orally-based ). Importance is a
(and in some
real problem for m
to 50 or so, and yo en of a certain ag
u see them driving
sexual acts with men who think that saying “Come on e. Once they get
their little penis sh
Morrison’s, swollen
aped cars down
with their own im
love, I just spent fifty quid on that meal” while pushing her the local
potence, you just
taking place. Anyw know there’s no
ay, about your hu
head towards his crotch is foreplay. other “swelling”
sband. W hat’s to
cookie like you fo say he isn’t impo
r a wife?
Second thought, forget my advice about the name. Mas- tent, with a smar
t
turbating is probably the better option for you m’duck.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 14
MEEKIE

Rugby World Cup Preview
Striking your opponent full in the face is illegal in most rugby games
these days. However, it does still make for exciting viewing and always In a new series,
goes down a treat with the lads down the pub. Have fun!
Meekie Monthly
counts down to
Step One: Pick an opponent
You startin’…?
the Rugby World
Preferably someone smaller than you and on his own.
The last thing you want is his bigger mate wading in.
Cup this
September by
Step Two:
looking at the
Start an argument
various tactics
This can be for any reason whatsoever. This chap on
the left has singled out his target and is going over to
used by the
punch the little fellow firmly on the nose.
world’s teams.
Have a bunch
Mfmfmfmsdsjhfdfdfd!
of fives you
This month we
Step Three: Deliver your blow little rotter you
Strike your opponent firmly on the hooter.
look at the art of
punching your
opponent
Step Four: Make your escape
Leave the scene of the crime immediately. Ensure that your
escape route is not blocked by an larger opposing player,
referee or policeman.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 15
MEEKIE

ORRITE? Holby Heaven
Issue 1 June 2007 Celebrity Rikki Gallup puts her
feet up and relaxes with an
exciting episode of the BBC’s
EXCLUSIVE! flagship medical drama.
RIKKI For celebrity Rikki Gallup, “Sometimes I’ll pop to the Above; Rikki relaxes and
settling down to watch an shops in the day. Most of watches her favourite medical
drama
GALLUP episode of ‘Holbs’ is a life- them are open 9-6 and it’s
changing experience. nice to have them open all Below: Rikki poses outside her
“I always have a cup of tea day. It gives the shopper
SITS ON small detached house just
and some Hob Nobs. nine hours to select their outside Gatwick Airport
“I like the drama in Holby sundry goods”.
HER City. There’s always Rikki’s favourite shop is
someone falling over and Gregg’s, the bakers.
hurting themselves and it’s “They do a lovely choco-
SETTEE amazing how these actors, late flake cake there. They
who you often see in other even put a small section of
AND programmes, manage to a Flake bar on the top and
save people’s lives. Take it’s nice with another cup
Nigel from Eastenders for of tea”.
WATCHES instance. He’s done ever Rikki hopes to become
so well to become a even more famous this
HOLBY consultant. He was always year.
thick as shit in Eas- “I hope to become even
tenders”. more famous this year”
CITY But life isn’t all about Holby she says.
City for Rikki.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 16
MEEKIE

As Welsh celebrities go, Krik (he only has the
one name in honour of his childhood super-
ORRITE? hero Superted), is one of the most famous.
In some countries, he is even more famous
than that bloke out of Def Leppard. You know-
the one with one arm. I think he might have
died. Him anyway. But there’s more to Krik
Issue 1 June 2007 than just plucking the strings of love:
“I sometimes like going to Kwik Save and sniff
things. I can spend hours in the fabric
EXCLUSIVE! conditioner aisle. I just love smelling things–
“If it wasn’t for my tortoise herbs, spices, fabric conditioners, washing
powders, marker pens– anything that reminds
I wouldn’t be here today”
Omega 66’s me of my childhood basically”.
Krik is Krik opens his heart to Above: Krik singing
Krik’s certainly come a long way since those
Below: A recent picture (picture
days and now lives in a 14 bedroom flat in the
Meekie Monthly about his courtesy of South Wales Speed
trendy area of Cardiff known as Grangetown,
famous for music, his sniffing and his Enforcement (Speed camera)
with his 17 dogs and a tortoise called Sid. Department)
coming to terms with his But living in the fast lane has taken its toll on
strumming the South Wales rocker.
SP30
“I got caught driving my Fiat Uno through
in public. town at 140mph. I was only trying to clear my
carburettor. I was flashed by a camera. A
copper then pulled me over and told me that
And also he’d been waiting for me, so I told him that I
got there as fast as I could”.
for driving Krik was fined £60 and had three points put
on his licence.
quite fast
“Coming through driving rehab was hell but I
got there in the end thanks to my dogs and
tortoise”
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 17
MEEKIE

Advertise here for
as little as
£20
per month.
Meekie Monthly is a fast growing E-Magazine
with its roots in South Wales but with a global
readership base.You can be part of this
growing phenomenon by advertis-
You?
ing on our hallowed pages. Just £20
will buy you a full page advert in
glorious technicolour, street cred
and exposure to new clients.
Email meekiemonthly@yahoo.co.uk
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18
MEEKIE

ha
nversation wit By Josie Henley
Co
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1911966
, let’s see. 0870
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MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18
MEEKIE

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didn’t catch that.
I’m having technic
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lines are open be
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e W em-
Alys: Ok. Traveldodg ge
vailability in ldod
a
there is no ble in Trave om Machine: I’m Lis
a: I’m sorry, re are spaces availa a. I’m the voice
s fr
Lis
int-eight mile ional of Traveldodge. By
ut the access to our be
ley Hotel, b oyal, which is zero-po speaking to me, yo
st rates normally
ddit
b
site at an a u’ll gain
available via our
name of the Trav
rk R parking on
London Pa e-hundred website. Do you
eldodge where yo
is
g will be on
oice. There know the
u want to stay?
your first ch tal cost of this bookin this?
like to book Josie: W EMBLEY
e to
charge. Th would you
ve pounds,
and sixty fi Lisa: So you’d lik
e to stay in Traveldodg
e W embley Hotel
at?
Josie: W h . Is that right?
Josie: Yes… Tu
esday the eightee
nth of April…Two…
smoking.
Alys: W hat? site!
on the web Yes… Two… On
ds a night e… Non-
ty-six poun
it said twen Lisa: Great! So yo
Josie: But ok
u like to bo u want to book a
t. W ould yo non-smoking room
Hotel, for two adul
’t catch tha at Traveldodge W
ts and one child,
rry, I didn embley
arriving on Tuesda
stay for two night
Lisa: I’m so y the eighteenth of
s. Is that right?
April to
this room? ’t in-
which doesn Josie: Yes.
five pounds,
sixty
ndred and
Josie: A hu ing. Lisa: Great, just
ark
clude car p like to book a mom ent while I check
W ould you availability…
catch that.
’t
orry, I didn Josie: She’s chec
Lisa: I’m s king availability.
this room?
ds a night!
ty-six poun
it said twen
Alys: But
id.
t’s what I sa
Josie: Tha like to book
W ould you
catch that.
’t
orry, I didn
Continued next month……..
Lisa: I’m s

How lazy are you?
Let Meekie Monthly decide whether you’re a lazy arse
START HERE
Would you
Do you ever get try and
yes Would you order in
Would you stay
out of bed late? pizza, two kebabs work the
there all day? yes
no food off?
and a bottle of
coke?
no
no
yes no
You’re a liar. yes
yes Are you over- Lazy arse
You’re also a weight?
lazy arse.
Would this be by
Is that pizza
yes
getting out of bed
no going to work no
to turn the TV
itself off?
Please go to Do you over?
yes
the next square maintain no
no matter how regular bowel
you got here no
movements?
no
Would you use
a skateboard
You are in danger of no
to take you
yes yes
exploding. Please
Only to get some across the
consult a vet
yes
more pizza room?
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20

CELEBRIT
Josie: W EM
BLEY
Alys: Lisa W
em bley?
Y
Lisa: So you’
d like to st ay in Traveld
odge W emb
ley Hotel. Is
Josie: Yes. that right?
UPDATE
Lisa: W hen
will yo u be arriving
?
Josie: Tuesd
ay the eight
eenth of Apr
il.
ill
y Sian H
Lisa: Staying
for
B how many n
ights?
d up stars of
se
the goss on the mes
All the scandal all
today!!!
the
wn. I personally find
of slappers around to
King Kebab ange, and fan-
d with all sorts
he is getting snappe bit of ‘rough’ for a ch
Prince W illiam. And . Maybe he wants a icking out of
g st
into the 21 century bit of kebab lettuce st
split up with future kin e Royal Family move someone with a little
Kate Middleton has ould come
th d
think it’s about time
So ‘ladies’. I think he sh
ough their blood, an
thing hysterical, and white star running thr ded by all those posh round
whole ‘ buy one get 2 free’ un d hunt, I’ll be dancing
boring for him surro
down for a proper bir
meone with a bit more him, must be terribly nal!
e
like, cigarette is optio
cies so u do decide to com
e! You cant blame
fresh from chippie lan other. Join me if you
al bird! So Wills, if yo
, and find a re
their teeth, bottle of Bud in the
that he’s newly single kebab in one hand,
down to Cardiff now rses outfit! Dog shit
rth of life bar, in a nu
the lamppost , just no
the singers
together! Apparently
Druggie Duo for recording a single d
cent has openly talke
are in talks drugs they share. 50
illiams and 50 Cent re’s their love of
dy! Robbie W ht by 3 armed
e for the single alrea last week he got caug
endless! I mean the
the joy! Get in queu dably true, the list is there’s Robbie; only eir ‘hard
Oh tan ral times. And then ! And then there’s th
to talk about! Unders g been arrested seve tra Strength Lemsips
ve a lot in common ent most
vin ere’s Robbie who sp
paracetamol and Ex
ha drugs in the past, ha
s and battery. And th
uggle out 2 packs of
love for recreational ed! Per-
ce
sm
of his bars for firearm offen
y guards for trying to me out and he chok
ending time behind
– the chemist’ securit ars if the feathers ca
rd time, sp have got 3 ye
‘Boots
cent clearly had a ha ry Barlow! He could
knock’ childhoods. 50 g pillow fights with Ga
dungarees on, havin
of it in that band with
hear the single!
sonally I can’t wait to
are ru-
on, and some songs
sing a new album so
Bears
Shitney ave 4 u’, and
to be relea
incess of Pop is going e more time’, ‘I’m a sh
studio! Finally, the Pr es- ‘Drop me baby on
ing of the song titl
is back in the record n’t wait to hear some
And Britney Spears cent ‘breakdown’. I ca
on her re from.
moured to be based few she could choose
again! ’ being just a
‘Oops I’ve lost it MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 21

MEEKIE MONTHLY WEB DIRECTORY
LEBRITY
CE This is a web directory of Meekie Monthly readers
and friends. It’s free to add your website on here
UPDATE
Continued but we can’t accept responsibility for the sites and
their contents.
GAMING
www.bf2-uke.co.uk
de
Backside Statesi y, as the
ring her pregnanc
ing in America du Girl, says
her mum arriv cognisable Spice HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE REPAIRS AND TACKLE
Mel B has blamed weight. The unre reaction to
piled on so much ast dinners. Her
reason she has by feeding her ro onally, I BAGS
fattening her up, s my ass!’. Pers
mply been – ‘Kis
r mum has been
he s si
out her weight ha www.rubberylegs.com
ace on it!
her piss-takers ab uld write the whole of W ar and Pe
if I co
was gonna ask
MUSIC PROMOTION
Golfing Goon www.tantrum.co.uk
lf in Scot-
ve a round of go
and decided to ha all over. Said to be a
arrived in the UK and groped
Justin Timberlake mbarded by fans n of his
sed for the duratio
rently he was bo PR
has been increa
land. Appa m Jones
rity equivalent to To
mberlake’s secu
blic, it’s probably
tle shaken up, Ti www.beacon-media.co.uk
had a
lit lf course was pu ngos! I heard he
. Seeing as the go ry own Castle Bi d
stay d out right flattene
v in one of our ve
g up to use the la e next course an
was on th
turnin urly Wurly
ichelle McManus PUBLICATIONS
scarded half a C
lucky escape. M e heard he had di
guards, when sh www.redhandedmagazine.co.uk
2 of his security
zer!
and a bottle of Ti
RUGBY
hrob
Halitosis HeartT , after www.rugbyrebels.com
otlight this month
me under the sp
has co eems Mr
r Tom Jones, he sion this week. S
And talking of Si about her depres so
W elsh stud has al
to talk
has stepped out uch of it, and the WHAT’S ON
his wife ctor of m has slept
g hands was a fa ount of women he
Jones’s wanderin st count of the am www.urbantraffic.co.uk
bottles
rhythm stick’ into
st that he has lo
admitted in the pa to dip his ‘Welsh ue
ed a little plaq
st told how he lik eded to remove
with. One conque ! – Perhaps he ne WOMEN’S ACCESSORIES
g foreplay
of Listerine durin wwwww!
ck to the wife ! Ew www.funkandfashion.co.uk
re going ba
befo
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 22

Are you as cool as a cucumber
you get?
or do you need to visit an
angr y do
anger management class? Let
How Meekie Monthly diagnose
you with this fab quiz!
en you open
e Cornflakes wh
om
downstairs for s
en up and gone gone. Do you?
ok
1. You've just w to Kwik Save?
all the milk has coat ready to pop
find that ur
the fridge door to closing the door and putting on yo elf.
ry loudly to yours g
bbage at a passin
ik Save sighing ve
ly
ntly, slow g that gone off ca
ng to Kw
a) sigh ge pi win
or shut and stom e floor, before thro
slam the fridge do ll the food onto th
b)
e fridge, pull out a
Rip the door off th t allowing you
c)
ry slowly and no
ve
of you, pedalling
car?
ulls out in front
tp
rk when a cyclis
're driving to wo
2. You
you?
to overtake. Do ss
r a clearing to pa rse to make
aiting patiently fo them to pull over? ore selecting reve
gently, w g
a) sigh ef
ation and gesturin over the cyclist, b
your horn in frustr or, driving straight
b) toot at
rd on the acceler t.
lmet and remoun
your foot down ha e to readjust his he
c) slam wabbers. Do
sn't have tim me bird with big
at the cyclist doe so
sure th u and employed
ss has sacked yo
bo
to find that your
You get to work back to the car?
3. making your way way back to the
and k and making your
f from your desk
u? des
uf
yo gathering your st ur stuff from your
sigh gently, before fore gathering yo
be
a)
t he's an arsehole, u don't have to be
king over his \"Yo
Tell your boss tha knoc
b)
f the window and
rowing him out o
r? th
ca
rd in the bollocks,
Boot your boss ha sign off the wall. ?
c) your car. Do you
here- but it helps\" st put a ticket on
to work
mad as ju
traffic warden h
, you find that a
back to your car least ten minutes?
4. When you get monstrating for at en and putting
yourself? re
to
up the traffic ward
to ticket you and
gently, muttering n
a) Sigh den on his decisio opping only to pick
nge the traffic war fore reversing, st
b) Challe et be
forwards for 10 fe
the car up, drive
c) Start
ith the cyclist?
him in the boot w MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 24
MEEKIE

h
t his football throug
young scamp has pu
me
e and notice that so
u arrive back at hom his
5. Yo ung whippersnapper
u?
ass and handing the yo
front window. Do yo gl
your y through the broken
gently, picking your wa
a) sigh
ball back? kid up by his ears and
t with a broom?
e the kid up the stree ing inside, picking the
b) chas ad
her window, before he
the kid through the ot
c) boot
out his football.
taking him home- with
ching an episode of
mfort yourself by wat s episode will now be
w beers to co
settle down with a fe , meaning that today'
6. You has run over An angry ma
tunately, the cricket
n yesterday
down. Unfor
Count
. Do you?
shown at a later date dy?
watch Richard and Ju
gently, turning over to o are too slow to
a) sigh hard on your sofa? g down any players wh
ntrol down in
e cricket field and mow
b) slam your remote co ur car straight onto th
's, taking yo
c) drive down to Lord
vilion? meone they met
make it back to the pa relationship with so
ual
favour of a homosex
rtner has left you, in
, your pa
7. When you get back
debauchery?
yesterday. Do you? bble in their duplicious l hours earlier?
da
ntly, allowing them to have in fact left severa
a) sigh ge ey
before realising that th
loudly at your partner, what to do next?
b) shout
very angrily, unsure of y as he's gone to
c) Growl on the spot ded not to open toda
deci
s, but Mr Wong has
lf with a bag of chip
fort yourse
8. You decide to com
e for some cornflakes?
you?
watch the cricket. Do car and heading hom
your
self, getting back into d
a) sigh gently to your t into your back seat an
ite fast? y chips as you can ge
before running off qu man
b) Smash his window helping yourself to as Talk?
h Mr Wong's window, mous in 1982 by Talk
ug
c) Drive your car thro r beat combo made fa
la
\"It's My Life!\", the popu
driving home singing you wouldn’t notice
ad would fall off and
he
in the slightest. Your
Nothing bothers you a non-angry person
Mostly As– larly angry person or ly
agement immediate
cu
You’re neither a parti for some anger man
Mostly Bs– e
ggest that you arrang
You’re an animal. I su
Mostly Cs– MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 25
MEEKIE

Siop
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IT
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SOME
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Monthly
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simply fill in your name and address, cut out this
section and post if to us with a cheque for £10
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MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 26
MEEKIE

ADVERTISEMENT
THE MAGAZINE FOR MEN IN WALES
www.redhandedmagazine.co.uk
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 28
MEEKIE

roscopes
Ho with Enog
ARIES
s\").
it? (Reader: \"Yes it ha
Mar 21 - Apr 20 you. Hasn't it? Hasn't tastic
u do will become a fan
been for
hat a boring month it's for you. Everything yo on. Sorry, I've been
W month
mises to be a stunning fact, there....oh hang
Never mind. June pro nt to sleep with you. In
you meet will wa
success and everyone
ke. Sorry about that.
reading Leo's by mista
u when you get
TAURUS
moving away from yo
t people have started
r 21 - May 21 you. Your
Ap tha
er. Have you recently ur legs closed if I were
ing off. Better keep yo
yes. The bovine wond you're giv
Ah
be the smell of Bovril ora Hird.
close to them? That's sting a field of cows- Th
related to defro
me
breath smells. Lucky na
GEMINI rovision
es that went into the Eu
I think they were the on
May 22 - Jun 22 ste of
nd called Gemini. Yes. Gemini. A complete wa
n't there a crap pop ba ms you up this month
Was t about su
Nil Pwar. W ell that jus
Song Contest and got contest- 18th June.
entering a song
space. Unlucky day for
CANCER em to
. It's not wonder you se
like....erm...crab paste
June 23 - July 23 d an aroma help. W hy
shells, soft centres an sideways also doesn't
The crab people. Hard walk in and out of clubs
you
s month. The fact that hts.
ur fish tank- Friday nig
have lost your mojo thi day for cleaning out yo
rmal people? Lucky
can't you just be like no
LEO d
a fantastic success an
ng you do will become
24 - Aug 23 life.
month for you. Everythi
July r month for you in your
mises to be a stunning re hasn't been a bette
June pro u. In fact, the
ll want to sleep with yo
everyone you meet wi
don't you Leo?
But you do deserve it,
VIRGO in
spending most of June
left for you, so you'll be
g 24 - Sep 23 isn't much room
Au e yourself
use this month, there t into the garden to giv
With Jupiter in your ho the barbeque stuff ou
er to move
the spiders. Rememb
the garden shed with pointy stick.
the rats out with a big
more room, and keep
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 28

oscopes
Hor with Enog
y too much
r. Not to worr
scales all ove rist/
ghtmare terro
velop fish-like
LIBRA turns into a ni
h as you'll de on the 17th
23 e this mont imming
Sept 24 - Oct rally quite tru at Kwik Save to the local sw
e scales. Lite onth. A shop on their way
The sign of th who were
every m
same problem ter the SBS. ft in it.
ith your life af
isces has the baking tray le
pe w
though. P one with the
and you esca
scenario, hind- the
lley to hide be
hostage-taking out. Lucky tro
y to help
baths, stop b
ays
r genitals alw
moist and thei
re always to avoid
SCORPIO Their thighs a u last month
ople straight. o. We told yo
- Nov 22 en Scorpi
Oct 24 turn gay pe right.
this month th . Serves you
o sexy, they
ve got the clap
xy Scorpio. S n their eyelid
and wart o
Se ame you'
for action. Sh the big nose
primed ready The one with
b.
wn the local pu
that munter do
get started on
te off June and
you, I'd wri
S
SAGITTARIU fact, if I were
agittarius. In
- Dec 21 month S
Nov 23
out about this
ng much to sh
Nothi
early.
July a month e days in
here'll be som
e bad days. T the
days and som badder than
CAPRICORN ys that will be
e some good
There'll b d some da
20
onth in June. e bad days an
Dec 22 - Jan
ect a varied m better than th
s that are
n exp ith.
Capricorns ca g to ply you w
are more day ything excitin
me days that think of an
so
between and n't be arsed to
All in all, I ca
better days.
AQUARIUS
19
Jan 21 - Feb
r you too.
That goes fo
pin the
Argos and Pip
istry set from
iature chem ade-up
spouting off m
my son's min
PISCES walk. He ate ination to go
r the incl
needs his
20
Feb 20 - Mar er the time, no
late, the dog
o I have neith
ell, it's getting ouse. S
As for you. W all over my h anyway.
been sharting notice of them
Spaniel has don't take any
you. You
horoscopes to
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 29

Sport
Due to the end of the sporting season, we are
unable to bring you any sports stories of any kind.
We can tell you though that we will be back in
September, when people all over the world start
playing sport again.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 30
MEEKIE