MEEKIE It’s as
mad as a FREE!
Issue 5 June 2007
Read our exclusive
interview with a
Editor’s welcome meekiemonthly
Editor: Royston Butterscotch
Well it’s good to be back. As you
know, last month I was in
hospital having penis reduction
surgery. It was awfully
embarrassing having to tuck it in
my socks all the time. (blush)
So it’s back to business– for
those of you in the UK, summer’s
here and for the lads and
Cover girl: Holly from Walsall
ladettes of the Northern
Hemisphere, time to enjoy the sun. As for me– Find us at www.meekiemonthly.com and
well, my family and I are off to West Wales for a
few days– my surgically enhanced wife Brenda Meekie Monthly is a free
is getting my rubber ring ready for my...erm… To subscribe, email firstname.lastname@example.org
visit to the pool. My young daughter Cindy has A small portion of our profit goes to Cancer
been busy buffing up her ‘Brazilian’ (some kind
of nut I’m guessing) and young www.meekiemonthly.com
Timmy has been buying some
top-shelf magazines to take with
him. Juggz Ahoy!
Have a great June. MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 2
Contents Issue 5 June 2007
In this month’s Meekie Monthly: WRITERS WANTED
We’re looking for writers to write for our
5. Interesting facts about horses
hallowed pages. You don’t need any experience–
6. Celebrity Showdown just the cheek to think that you’d be good
enough. Go on back yourself– drop us a line at
8. The BIG Interview– with a real life celebrity!
9. Letters page
13. The Lads’ Page– Tits and Beer. Wahay!
14. Agony Aunt– your problems solved
Say NO to
15. Rugby World Cup Preview– how to punch
someone in the face
16. Page 16
20. A Flowchart Thing that says
22. Fok knows
24. Have a look yourself onthly
I read Meekie M
re I watch
26. Siop Meekie Monthly every night befo Of all the fokkin sea in the world, you
Cagney & Lacey want to build a barrage on my fokkin
28. Horoscopes thly is
that Meekie Mon doorstep to power the rest of the UK.
great quality, seco
30. Sport You know where you can stick it
A Pope, Italy MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 3
For our new readers….
(both of them) …..
t is This is a drawing of
W a meekie by a well-
Sigh! Do we really have to go through this every
For those of you who do not yet know, a meekie is a person with
a very large head, usually through no fault of their own. There is
nothing wrong with these people. Meekie Monthly aims to
celebrate these amazing people and has been doing so since
“For some meekies,
having a headache can
This is a real-life be a real headache.
photo of a meekie industry can overcome
this by building bigger
tablets to take”
Meekie Fact: Meekies can be found the whole
world over– even in places like Germany
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 4
rry. He was fed up
an soldier called Te
ed in 204 AD by a R s rag and bone cart
e to help him pull hi
Horses were invent rs
and invented the ho ld War when they
ng his own chariot, in the Second Wor
pulli avily e
at one that they mad
They were used he
y wars, including th
ominently in wars.
arou pr an
have also started m
rses have featured
roughout history, ho y positions. Horses
2. Th arm
ight of 3000ft onto
e dropped from a he
n horses and Italian
why they never say often made betwee
a film ains is
all brains which expl ds. This comparison
very large love glan
orses have very sm
3. H ve
horses and they ha nd National, which
allions are the male of them all, the Gra
4. St d by the biggest race jockey getting up
e love glands.
e UK get very excite their jockey and the
, who also have larg th to
men for racing. People in n of horses falling on
e horses are used the age old traditio never do it again.
5. Som people enjoy seeing ctive and the horses g that they hop
shment is 100% effe ving just the one le
ld once a year. Lots ni r ha
is he a reprimand. The pu ed are renowned fo
Short Highland Bre
ooting the horse as the
and sh ith 4 legs although
t horses are born w
6. Mos st performance ,
nally worn by horses could fly, turn in an has it that he rode
e Wonderhorse. He
seshoes are traditio been found. Legend
7. Hor ver
in the world is Zippo the local paper for
s. His body has ne
most famous horse rious circumstance had bad reviews in
8. The yste he
as depressed after
e died in 1986 in m
en ride a bicycle. H Some say that he w
and ev Point in South Wal .
es and other horses
X off a cliff at Nash between some hors
his BM n
t that went wrong. s the great variatio
his ventriloquist ac ite short. This reflect
tall and some are qu
9. Horses are quite
paint a horse.
10. You can actually
11. If ever wanted to MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 5
more cudd Looks: Ronnie
de him a lo C’s diminutive
r frame ma size belied the
was a rampant
rker’s fact that he
Looks: Ba chum. 8/10
than his litt Comic Talent:
uo, Corbett’s legen
an of the d dary monologue
couch remain to
e funny m s on the
this day, timeles
ften consid t is legendary s
Talent: O 9/10
Comic Hair: Corbett st
ndoubted ill sports exactly
Bark the same hair th
in the 1970s. S
at he had
his entire li
of hair for 10/10
ined a full Height: Legend
Barker reta has it that Ronn
Hair: ie B met Ronnie
C at a
ie C was stood
Impressiv on the cake. Ho
t only adds to h
to Ronnie is appeal
sn’t that ta n
nnie B wa a tall ma
Height: R 9/10
very much Total:
It’s a draw! Hoorah!
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 6
As you may well have noticed, you’ve received a
lovely MP3 of Cardiff superband, Omega 66,
courtesy of your favourite E-mag, Meekie Monthly.
Omega 66 reformed in June 2006, keeping two of the
original members of Dark Chunk, who famously
played at the Glastonbury Dance Tent in 2004.
Your track has been exclusively mixed by renowned DJ, Angel Farringdon, and you
can get the whole of Omega’s brand new album by visiting them at
www.omega66.com or www.myspace.com/omega66.
Omega’s guitarist Krik has also been exclusively interviewed on page 17!
“are currently awaiting reviews of their debut album and recent live shows.
Don’t miss them on Radio One’s Annie Nightingale Show on 4th June.
If you have a band you’d like to promote through the beautiful pages of Meekie
Monthly, please drop Royston a line at email@example.com MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 7
This month, we’ve
spoken to the beautiful
famous for appearing in
What day is your bin day?
CSI, ER, Friends,
Charmed, Joan of Arcadia
and loads of other films
Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day?
including The Parent Trap Multiple times, yes, multiple times
and Inspector Gadget II.
Elaine is a talented writer If you get in a taxi on your own, do you get into the front
and musician in her own or the back?
right, and tells us that Back seat quot;Driving Miss Elainequot; style
she’s been to London and
seen Big Ben and also What did you have for tea last night?
seen the film My Fair Astro Burger and fries to celebrate Memorial Day. Yeah baby!
We think she’s a bit crazy, Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day?
but we love crazy women! Multiple times, yes, multiple times
Find Elaine at
www.elainehendrix.com What’s your favourite yellow crescent-shaped fruit?
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
In response to many reader enquiries–
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 8
yes, these interviews are real!
onthsalyyso. . . .
Meekiers pMe..cos we
Dear TV Made My Son a
Who says television
Your favourite lette
doesn’t influence yo
ung children? My 8
old son got bitten by year
a spider last week an
d now runs around
Maesteg in a red su
it saving people from
(which is quite comm
on in Maesteg). Who
says television turns
children in monsters?
My son is a hero!
Egg-sploding Ethel Les Gardner
I am a train conductor and I’m sick
me round last
My mother-in-law Ethel ca of mothers getting on to my trains,
her one of my
week for tea and I cooked I’ve enclosed a pic of
with six or seven kids and with him in his last heroic
wards, I realised adventure
speciality omelettes. After prams wider than a pickup truck. It’s
te and my
that the eggs were out of da my job to help these lazy women get
fears were confirmed a few their troop of clones on and off my
when she detonated an hug train. I even had one woman tell me
salvo in the pan of my newly to learn some manners after I told
here where she could stick her
let and see a
Now, every time I visit a toi pram. Perhaps these women should
er, I think of
similar straw-coloured splatt learn to keep their legs closed
of your readers
my mother-in-law. Do any instead?
es that remind
have any similar visual cu
them of someone? Andy
ramme. Hi. My name’s Dan and
C’s Planet Earth prog
t down to watch the BB I’m your new
warm by standing in a
d I sa
Last night, my wife an nguins on. They keep Spiderman. As you can
th all the pe get a
We watched the one wi huddle so that they all
go on the outside of the see, I’m in a bit of a
huddle, taking it in tur pickle right now. But
e to move
middle. ven’t they got the sens
turn in the warm with a bit of Spidey-
to do that, then why ha eek to
And they’ve got the ch
If they’ve got the sens
magic I’ll be out in no
Talk abou at dump pretty sharps
bird would get out of th
time– ready to fight
call themselves birds!
UK crime wherever it
Saltash, Cornwall MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 9
We’ve got lots of back issues of Meekie Monthly
left. We’ve been doing Meekie Monthly since
1988, but we only launched the electronic
version back in March
2007. We think you’ll
find that we’re getting
The Isle of Wight
better every month.
Competition Time! If you’ve missed out on
the earlier issues, fear
not– you can order them, free of charge, from
Yes, here’s your chance to win your very own island! us. I think we’re a bit
too good to you, but
It’s got everything that you’ve ever wanted– beaches, some grass and
then we think that in
even a regular boat service to the mainland. All you have to do to win this
this day and age, you
splendid prize, is answer this very easy Isle of Wight question:
deserve something for
What is Cilla Black’s real name?
All you need to do is
Send your answers on a postcard (or in an email) to email us at
The_Precislla_White_Competition@meekiemonthly.com firstname.lastname@example.org, requesting which
issue you want. We’ve got them all from March
All entries must reach us by June 30th.
onwards. Think– they might be worth something
in a few years’ time. Probably not though.
Stop press! Due to an oversight by one of my family members, I do not in fact, own
the Isle of Wight and am therefore unable to offer it as a prize in this competition. I am very sorry for all
distress caused and I will do my best to find a suitable alternative. Isle of Man any good anyone? MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 10
Even in small business, image is everything
Press releases · web page content · sales letters · newsletters ·
advertisements · advertorials · brochures · feature writing
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 11
Every month, Meekie
Monthly celebrates those
wonderful ginger people
by interviewing them
Location: Ely, Cardiff
Why I love being ginger: It's eye catching and
certainly not boring. Out of a group, the redhead is the
first one you spot! Also we're least likely to go grey!
Having red hair feels special cos it's quite a rarity, and
takes up something like 2% of the population, how cool is
I read Meekie Monthly
before every fight. It
gives me an edge over
Vladamir Nokabolokov MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 12
We int l? otbal
MM: W nice otball?
’s quite ck a fo
n: It you ki
MM: Ho e far r?
n: Quit ng ove
Dar re ke falli Meekie Monthly
t’s it li reader
M: W ha s full of the month– M
M ball hit
eally h add
: It r n a foo Carter from Au
Dar ren r t whe stralia
es it hu
MM: Do then?
in t ends
: It dep
Dar ren Top Fuel Dragster Bad Ass Fiesta
: On w it hits
MM e face
Star t c
tr u m
n you the
r free! C
s ever y m
your Top Speed: 330+ mph Top Speed: 42 mph
Fuel: Nitromethane Fuel: 4* Unleaded
0-100mph: Under 1 second 0-100mph: It doesn’t but it’s
1/4 mile: 4.5 seconds got a fokkin massive exhaust
The L Balls * Bad Ass Cars * BO * Boobs
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 13
Dear My daughter is an embarrassment
My daughter has the most hugest head that the world has ever seen. Every time we
Briony….. go to Kwik Save, children stop and stare. Last Christmas, the Council even decorated
it and made her stand outside the Town Hall for 7 weeks.
However, she's now become depressed. She's become a recluse and all she does all
Your embarrassing problems day is sob on her (huge) pillow.
published to the world What can I do?
I can’t get laid
I’ve got good news for you Sarah. Soon, you won’t have to shop at quick save any more.
What is the best way to ensure that I get laid on my You’ll be able to ascend to the highest rung of the grocery ladder, Waitrose. Actually do they
first date? I've spent so much money wining and even have Waitrose in Newcastle? Probably not. You’re probably at the pinnacle of
dining women and I never get to the 69ing. It's become shopping excellence already, aren’t you? Scrap that. My point was that you are sitting on a
so bad that I've started turning up for the first date, goldmine. Guinness will probably pay you a million pounds a day to feature your daughter’s
saying quot;Hiquot; and then leaving again as nothing head within it’s esteemed pages. You could get hats made especially for her. What more
ever happens on the first date. does she want? You need to teach her about life: you play the hand (or head) you’re dealt
Lincoln The Impotence o
f being Ernest
Before you reach for the Roofies, Trevor, you might want My husband Erne
st recently com
to consider this statistic. Only 0.001% of people named e home from the
impotent. The fa doctors and told
ct of the matter
Trevor have ever had sex. And those that did were doing me that he was
is, he's not impo
take our next do tent- he's just a
or neighbour Col
farmyard animals. So go on down to your town hall and road digger. No
in– he’s very im
and sings solo in w
potent- he's on
the local church the local Counc
get your name changed by deed poll. (Tip: Kevins, choir. How can
that he's not as il
I break the news
impotent as he
thinks he is? to my husband
Leslies and Kenneths are even less likely to get laid). Sally
Oh, Trevor? And this is just a thought, mind, you might
want to stop thinking about dating as a capitalist
I know for a fact
transaction where the woman is just a provider of a Colin is not only
impotent, but he’s
man can’t, you kn
service. That might be where you’re going wrong. I’m not important too. Im
ow, ahem, do the portance is when
special thing that
cases other men a
men do to women
sure women are very inclined to engage in orally-based ). Importance is a
(and in some
real problem for m
to 50 or so, and yo en of a certain ag
u see them driving
sexual acts with men who think that saying “Come on e. Once they get
their little penis sh
aped cars down
with their own im
love, I just spent fifty quid on that meal” while pushing her the local
potence, you just
taking place. Anyw know there’s no
ay, about your hu
head towards his crotch is foreplay. other “swelling”
sband. W hat’s to
cookie like you fo say he isn’t impo
r a wife?
Second thought, forget my advice about the name. Mas- tent, with a smar
turbating is probably the better option for you m’duck.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 14
Rugby World Cup Preview
Striking your opponent full in the face is illegal in most rugby games
these days. However, it does still make for exciting viewing and always In a new series,
goes down a treat with the lads down the pub. Have fun!
counts down to
Step One: Pick an opponent
the Rugby World
Preferably someone smaller than you and on his own.
The last thing you want is his bigger mate wading in.
looking at the
Start an argument
This can be for any reason whatsoever. This chap on
the left has singled out his target and is going over to
used by the
punch the little fellow firmly on the nose.
Have a bunch
of fives you
This month we
Step Three: Deliver your blow little rotter you
Strike your opponent firmly on the hooter.
look at the art of
Step Four: Make your escape
Leave the scene of the crime immediately. Ensure that your
escape route is not blocked by an larger opposing player,
referee or policeman.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 15
ORRITE? Holby Heaven
Issue 1 June 2007 Celebrity Rikki Gallup puts her
feet up and relaxes with an
exciting episode of the BBC’s
EXCLUSIVE! flagship medical drama.
RIKKI For celebrity Rikki Gallup, “Sometimes I’ll pop to the Above; Rikki relaxes and
settling down to watch an shops in the day. Most of watches her favourite medical
GALLUP episode of ‘Holbs’ is a life- them are open 9-6 and it’s
changing experience. nice to have them open all Below: Rikki poses outside her
“I always have a cup of tea day. It gives the shopper
SITS ON small detached house just
and some Hob Nobs. nine hours to select their outside Gatwick Airport
“I like the drama in Holby sundry goods”.
HER City. There’s always Rikki’s favourite shop is
someone falling over and Gregg’s, the bakers.
hurting themselves and it’s “They do a lovely choco-
SETTEE amazing how these actors, late flake cake there. They
who you often see in other even put a small section of
AND programmes, manage to a Flake bar on the top and
save people’s lives. Take it’s nice with another cup
Nigel from Eastenders for of tea”.
WATCHES instance. He’s done ever Rikki hopes to become
so well to become a even more famous this
HOLBY consultant. He was always year.
thick as shit in Eas- “I hope to become even
tenders”. more famous this year”
CITY But life isn’t all about Holby she says.
City for Rikki.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 16
As Welsh celebrities go, Krik (he only has the
one name in honour of his childhood super-
ORRITE? hero Superted), is one of the most famous.
In some countries, he is even more famous
than that bloke out of Def Leppard. You know-
the one with one arm. I think he might have
died. Him anyway. But there’s more to Krik
Issue 1 June 2007 than just plucking the strings of love:
“I sometimes like going to Kwik Save and sniff
things. I can spend hours in the fabric
EXCLUSIVE! conditioner aisle. I just love smelling things–
“If it wasn’t for my tortoise herbs, spices, fabric conditioners, washing
powders, marker pens– anything that reminds
I wouldn’t be here today”
Omega 66’s me of my childhood basically”.
Krik is Krik opens his heart to Above: Krik singing
Krik’s certainly come a long way since those
Below: A recent picture (picture
days and now lives in a 14 bedroom flat in the
Meekie Monthly about his courtesy of South Wales Speed
trendy area of Cardiff known as Grangetown,
famous for music, his sniffing and his Enforcement (Speed camera)
with his 17 dogs and a tortoise called Sid. Department)
coming to terms with his But living in the fast lane has taken its toll on
strumming the South Wales rocker.
“I got caught driving my Fiat Uno through
in public. town at 140mph. I was only trying to clear my
carburettor. I was flashed by a camera. A
copper then pulled me over and told me that
And also he’d been waiting for me, so I told him that I
got there as fast as I could”.
for driving Krik was fined £60 and had three points put
on his licence.
“Coming through driving rehab was hell but I
got there in the end thanks to my dogs and
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 17
Advertise here for
as little as
Meekie Monthly is a fast growing E-Magazine
with its roots in South Wales but with a global
readership base.You can be part of this
growing phenomenon by advertis-
ing on our hallowed pages. Just £20
will buy you a full page advert in
glorious technicolour, street cred
and exposure to new clients.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18
nversation wit By Josie Henley
, let’s see. 0870
Josie: Right then Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Do you know the name of the Traveldodge where
ies, please pres
r reservation quer you want to stay?
you for calling Tr
Alys: Lisa Wembly?
please press Tw
Machine: For dir
Lisa: So you’d like to stay in Traveldodge Wembley Hotel. Is that right?
Josie: One, one ception
d to the lodge re
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e hold and yo
other calls, pleas
Machine: For all
. 08701911966 Lisa: When will you be arriving?
ke! Ok, try again
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Josie: Tuesday the eighteenth of April.
u for calling Trav
Lisa: Staying for how many nights?
Josie: One, dam cess to
me, you’ll gain ac
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a. I’m the voice
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our best rates no Lisa: Ok. You’d like to arrive on Tuesday the eighteenth of April and stay for three
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Josie: Lisa? Go
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e where you wa
of the Traveldodg Lisa: Great. Now tell me how many adults will be staying.
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Josie: It’s Lisa, ge where you
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u know the nam Lisa: And how many children aged fifteen and under will be staying?
. Do yo
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Lisa: I’m sorry,
want to stay?
Josie: W embley Lisa: And would you prefer smoking or non-smoking?
Alys: W hat? Lisa dge where you Josie: Non-smoking.
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Lisa: I’m sorry, I
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MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18
Lisa: I’m sorry, I
didn’t catch that.
I’m having technic
speak to a call re al difficulties. If yo
presentative, our u wish to
lines are open be
any day of the we tween eight am an
ek. Alternatively d eight pm
you could try our
om at website. Goodbye
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Josie: Oh for fok’s
book a non- e child, sake!
ant to lts and on
t! So you w for two adu
Lisa: Grea e
tay for thre
bley Hotel, of April to s
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while I che
t, just a mo Josie: Ok. 087019
Lisa: Grea 11966
She’s check Machine: Thank-
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there is no ble in Trave om Machine: I’m Lis
a: I’m sorry, re are spaces availa a. I’m the voice
int-eight mile ional of Traveldodge. By
ut the access to our be
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name of the Trav
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London Pa e-hundred website. Do you
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Josie: W h . Is that right?
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Josie: But ok
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t. W ould yo non-smoking room
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Lisa: I’m so y the eighteenth of
s. Is that right?
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Josie: A hu ing. Lisa: Great, just
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Lisa: I’m s king availability.
ds a night!
it said twen
t’s what I sa
Josie: Tha like to book
W ould you
orry, I didn
Continued next month……..
Lisa: I’m s
How lazy are you?
Let Meekie Monthly decide whether you’re a lazy arse
Do you ever get try and
yes Would you order in
Would you stay
out of bed late? pizza, two kebabs work the
there all day? yes
no food off?
and a bottle of
You’re a liar. yes
yes Are you over- Lazy arse
You’re also a weight?
Would this be by
Is that pizza
getting out of bed
no going to work no
to turn the TV
Please go to Do you over?
the next square maintain no
no matter how regular bowel
you got here no
Would you use
You are in danger of no
to take you
Only to get some across the
consult a vet
more pizza room?
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20
Josie: W EM
Alys: Lisa W
Lisa: So you’
d like to st ay in Traveld
odge W emb
ley Hotel. Is
Josie: Yes. that right?
Lisa: W hen
will yo u be arriving
ay the eight
eenth of Apr
y Sian H
B how many n
d up stars of
the goss on the mes
All the scandal all
wn. I personally find
of slappers around to
King Kebab ange, and fan-
d with all sorts
he is getting snappe bit of ‘rough’ for a ch
Prince W illiam. And . Maybe he wants a icking out of
into the 21 century bit of kebab lettuce st
split up with future kin e Royal Family move someone with a little
Kate Middleton has ould come
think it’s about time
So ‘ladies’. I think he sh
ough their blood, an
thing hysterical, and white star running thr ded by all those posh round
whole ‘ buy one get 2 free’ un d hunt, I’ll be dancing
boring for him surro
down for a proper bir
meone with a bit more him, must be terribly nal!
like, cigarette is optio
cies so u do decide to com
e! You cant blame
fresh from chippie lan other. Join me if you
al bird! So Wills, if yo
, and find a re
their teeth, bottle of Bud in the
that he’s newly single kebab in one hand,
down to Cardiff now rses outfit! Dog shit
rth of life bar, in a nu
the lamppost , just no
Druggie Duo for recording a single d
cent has openly talke
are in talks drugs they share. 50
illiams and 50 Cent re’s their love of
dy! Robbie W ht by 3 armed
e for the single alrea last week he got caug
endless! I mean the
the joy! Get in queu dably true, the list is there’s Robbie; only eir ‘hard
Oh tan ral times. And then ! And then there’s th
to talk about! Unders g been arrested seve tra Strength Lemsips
ve a lot in common ent most
vin ere’s Robbie who sp
paracetamol and Ex
ha drugs in the past, ha
s and battery. And th
uggle out 2 packs of
love for recreational ed! Per-
of his bars for firearm offen
y guards for trying to me out and he chok
ending time behind
– the chemist’ securit ars if the feathers ca
rd time, sp have got 3 ye
cent clearly had a ha ry Barlow! He could
knock’ childhoods. 50 g pillow fights with Ga
dungarees on, havin
of it in that band with
hear the single!
sonally I can’t wait to
on, and some songs
sing a new album so
Shitney ave 4 u’, and
to be relea
incess of Pop is going e more time’, ‘I’m a sh
studio! Finally, the Pr es- ‘Drop me baby on
ing of the song titl
is back in the record n’t wait to hear some
And Britney Spears cent ‘breakdown’. I ca
on her re from.
moured to be based few she could choose
again! ’ being just a
‘Oops I’ve lost it MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 21
MEEKIE MONTHLY WEB DIRECTORY
CE This is a web directory of Meekie Monthly readers
and friends. It’s free to add your website on here
Continued but we can’t accept responsibility for the sites and
Backside Statesi y, as the
ring her pregnanc
ing in America du Girl, says
her mum arriv cognisable Spice HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE REPAIRS AND TACKLE
Mel B has blamed weight. The unre reaction to
piled on so much ast dinners. Her
reason she has by feeding her ro onally, I BAGS
fattening her up, s my ass!’. Pers
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r mum has been
he s si
out her weight ha www.rubberylegs.com
ace on it!
her piss-takers ab uld write the whole of W ar and Pe
if I co
was gonna ask
Golfing Goon www.tantrum.co.uk
lf in Scot-
ve a round of go
and decided to ha all over. Said to be a
arrived in the UK and groped
Justin Timberlake mbarded by fans n of his
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lit lf course was pu ngos! I heard he
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ichelle McManus PUBLICATIONS
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otlight this month
me under the sp
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And talking of Si about her depres so
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his wife ctor of m has slept
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Jones’s wanderin st count of the am www.urbantraffic.co.uk
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MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 22
Are you as cool as a cucumber
or do you need to visit an
angr y do
anger management class? Let
How Meekie Monthly diagnose
you with this fab quiz!
en you open
e Cornflakes wh
downstairs for s
en up and gone gone. Do you?
1. You've just w to Kwik Save?
all the milk has coat ready to pop
find that ur
the fridge door to closing the door and putting on yo elf.
ry loudly to yours g
bbage at a passin
ik Save sighing ve
ntly, slow g that gone off ca
ng to Kw
a) sigh ge pi win
or shut and stom e floor, before thro
slam the fridge do ll the food onto th
e fridge, pull out a
Rip the door off th t allowing you
ry slowly and no
of you, pedalling
ulls out in front
rk when a cyclis
're driving to wo
to overtake. Do ss
r a clearing to pa rse to make
aiting patiently fo them to pull over? ore selecting reve
gently, w g
a) sigh ef
ation and gesturin over the cyclist, b
your horn in frustr or, driving straight
b) toot at
rd on the acceler t.
lmet and remoun
your foot down ha e to readjust his he
c) slam wabbers. Do
sn't have tim me bird with big
at the cyclist doe so
sure th u and employed
ss has sacked yo
to find that your
You get to work back to the car?
3. making your way way back to the
and k and making your
f from your desk
yo gathering your st ur stuff from your
sigh gently, before fore gathering yo
t he's an arsehole, u don't have to be
king over his quot;Yo
Tell your boss tha knoc
f the window and
rowing him out o
rd in the bollocks,
Boot your boss ha sign off the wall. ?
c) your car. Do you
here- but it helpsquot; st put a ticket on
mad as ju
traffic warden h
, you find that a
back to your car least ten minutes?
4. When you get monstrating for at en and putting
up the traffic ward
to ticket you and
gently, muttering n
a) Sigh den on his decisio opping only to pick
nge the traffic war fore reversing, st
b) Challe et be
forwards for 10 fe
the car up, drive
ith the cyclist?
him in the boot w MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 24
t his football throug
young scamp has pu
e and notice that so
u arrive back at hom his
5. Yo ung whippersnapper
ass and handing the yo
front window. Do yo gl
your y through the broken
gently, picking your wa
ball back? kid up by his ears and
t with a broom?
e the kid up the stree ing inside, picking the
b) chas ad
her window, before he
the kid through the ot
out his football.
taking him home- with
ching an episode of
mfort yourself by wat s episode will now be
w beers to co
settle down with a fe , meaning that today'
6. You has run over An angry ma
tunately, the cricket
. Do you?
shown at a later date dy?
watch Richard and Ju
gently, turning over to o are too slow to
a) sigh hard on your sofa? g down any players wh
ntrol down in
e cricket field and mow
b) slam your remote co ur car straight onto th
's, taking yo
c) drive down to Lord
vilion? meone they met
make it back to the pa relationship with so
favour of a homosex
rtner has left you, in
, your pa
7. When you get back
yesterday. Do you? bble in their duplicious l hours earlier?
ntly, allowing them to have in fact left severa
a) sigh ge ey
before realising that th
loudly at your partner, what to do next?
very angrily, unsure of y as he's gone to
c) Growl on the spot ded not to open toda
s, but Mr Wong has
lf with a bag of chip
8. You decide to com
e for some cornflakes?
watch the cricket. Do car and heading hom
self, getting back into d
a) sigh gently to your t into your back seat an
ite fast? y chips as you can ge
before running off qu man
b) Smash his window helping yourself to as Talk?
h Mr Wong's window, mous in 1982 by Talk
c) Drive your car thro r beat combo made fa
quot;It's My Life!quot;, the popu
driving home singing you wouldn’t notice
ad would fall off and
in the slightest. Your
Nothing bothers you a non-angry person
Mostly As– larly angry person or ly
You’re neither a parti for some anger man
Mostly Bs– e
ggest that you arrang
You’re an animal. I su
Mostly Cs– MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 25
To order your exclusive Meekie Monthly T-shirt,
simply fill in your name and address, cut out this
section and post if to us with a cheque for £10
stuff here chum
Buy your meeki
Please send me ….. Meekie Monthly T-shirts so
that I can go down the pub and pull like I’ve
never pulled before.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 26
THE MAGAZINE FOR MEN IN WALES
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 28
Ho with Enog
it? (Reader: quot;Yes it ha
Mar 21 - Apr 20 you. Hasn't it? Hasn't tastic
u do will become a fan
hat a boring month it's for you. Everything yo on. Sorry, I've been
mises to be a stunning fact, there....oh hang
Never mind. June pro nt to sleep with you. In
you meet will wa
success and everyone
ke. Sorry about that.
reading Leo's by mista
u when you get
moving away from yo
t people have started
r 21 - May 21 you. Your
er. Have you recently ur legs closed if I were
ing off. Better keep yo
yes. The bovine wond you're giv
be the smell of Bovril ora Hird.
close to them? That's sting a field of cows- Th
related to defro
breath smells. Lucky na
es that went into the Eu
I think they were the on
May 22 - Jun 22 ste of
nd called Gemini. Yes. Gemini. A complete wa
n't there a crap pop ba ms you up this month
Was t about su
Nil Pwar. W ell that jus
Song Contest and got contest- 18th June.
entering a song
space. Unlucky day for
CANCER em to
. It's not wonder you se
June 23 - July 23 d an aroma help. W hy
shells, soft centres an sideways also doesn't
The crab people. Hard walk in and out of clubs
s month. The fact that hts.
ur fish tank- Friday nig
have lost your mojo thi day for cleaning out yo
rmal people? Lucky
can't you just be like no
a fantastic success an
ng you do will become
24 - Aug 23 life.
month for you. Everythi
July r month for you in your
mises to be a stunning re hasn't been a bette
June pro u. In fact, the
ll want to sleep with yo
everyone you meet wi
don't you Leo?
But you do deserve it,
spending most of June
left for you, so you'll be
g 24 - Sep 23 isn't much room
Au e yourself
use this month, there t into the garden to giv
With Jupiter in your ho the barbeque stuff ou
er to move
the spiders. Rememb
the garden shed with pointy stick.
the rats out with a big
more room, and keep
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 28
Hor with Enog
y too much
r. Not to worr
scales all ove rist/
LIBRA turns into a ni
h as you'll de on the 17th
23 e this mont imming
Sept 24 - Oct rally quite tru at Kwik Save to the local sw
e scales. Lite onth. A shop on their way
The sign of th who were
same problem ter the SBS. ft in it.
ith your life af
isces has the baking tray le
though. P one with the
and you esca
scenario, hind- the
lley to hide be
hostage-taking out. Lucky tro
y to help
baths, stop b
r genitals alw
moist and thei
re always to avoid
SCORPIO Their thighs a u last month
ople straight. o. We told yo
- Nov 22 en Scorpi
Oct 24 turn gay pe right.
this month th . Serves you
o sexy, they
ve got the clap
xy Scorpio. S n their eyelid
and wart o
Se ame you'
for action. Sh the big nose
primed ready The one with
wn the local pu
that munter do
get started on
te off June and
you, I'd wri
SAGITTARIU fact, if I were
- Dec 21 month S
out about this
ng much to sh
July a month e days in
here'll be som
e bad days. T the
days and som badder than
CAPRICORN ys that will be
e some good
There'll b d some da
onth in June. e bad days an
Dec 22 - Jan
ect a varied m better than th
s that are
n exp ith.
Capricorns ca g to ply you w
are more day ything excitin
me days that think of an
between and n't be arsed to
All in all, I ca
Jan 21 - Feb
r you too.
That goes fo
Argos and Pip
istry set from
iature chem ade-up
spouting off m
my son's min
PISCES walk. He ate ination to go
r the incl
Feb 20 - Mar er the time, no
late, the dog
o I have neith
ell, it's getting ouse. S
As for you. W all over my h anyway.
been sharting notice of them
Spaniel has don't take any
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 29
Due to the end of the sporting season, we are
unable to bring you any sports stories of any kind.
We can tell you though that we will be back in
September, when people all over the world start
playing sport again.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 30