After the Affair
Rebuilding the love and trust again




                           A guide for banks
                    ...
“Me and my bank?
    We just don’t love each other anymore.
       Where’s the sparkle gone, the trust?
He’s been seeing s...
Part 1
1987-2008
21 years of   fun
Part 1
1987-2008
21 years of          fun

     quite often with someone else
Once, banks were
conservative
safe
They inspired
It was like a comfortable
It was like a comfortable, long lasting,
It was like a comfortable, long lasting marriage...
Then
Then
on October 27th 1986
Then
on October 27th 1986




                       Something
                       happened
...the banks met someone   new!
Someone new
     exciting
Someone different
 Someone who made them
         feel great
Someone who made them feel   rich
...and quite
like this guy
It’s all about
                    bucks kid.
                   The rest is
                 conversation.




  ...and q...
“The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five
trillion dollars. One third of that comes fr...
“The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five
trillion dollars. One third of that comes fr...
And did they tell us what all this
   could one day mean for us?
What

you
do

think?
And thus it began...
After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999
Vermillion Books, pp 131-132
Stages of the Affair

1. At the beginning

The per...
The banks seemed  happy.
Not dull and bored anymore.
Bought us things even.
FTSE 100




How could there be a problem?
After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999
Vermillion Books, pp 131-132
Stages of the Affair

2. As the affair progresses
...
Maybe we were  curious        .
How come things just seemed to
keep getting better and better?
Average UK house prices £



                            But they just
                            did...
and everyone said
everything was fine...
and everyone said
everything was fine...




         ...well, almost
            everyone...
George Magnus, UBS...




        Nouriel Roubini, Economist...
                                                    And th...
After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999
Vermillion Books, pp 131-132
Stages of the Affair

3. If the affair continues

...
Could it last?
In the second half
of 2008 we got a
message...
We got pretty upset
After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999
Vermillion Books, pp 131-132
Stages of the Affair

4. If the affair is revealed...
Felt pretty bad
and now we feel

               angry
        abandoned
                resentful
                  bitter
and the banks feel
          shame
   regret aimless
    confusion
      even defiance...
or just hope it can be


business             as             usual...
But it can’t
unless we want to end up with a
<pause>
Part 2
2009 -
Repairing
the damage
and here’s
the best news
It wasn’t all your fault
this is how it felt for us when things were good
this is how it felt for us when things were bad
but however it was, this is how it always felt...
The Ego-State (or Parent-Adult-Child, PAC) model
At any given time, a person experiences and manifests their
personality t...
The thing is...we
allowed ourselves to
    get into that place
responsibility
responsibility
   yours
responsibility
   yours
       and
responsibility
   yours
       and ours
Help us be your   equals in this relationship
and here’s another thing...
there’s no point simply   asking   us what we want
we may just tell you that we   want   it like it was
because back then, whether you were

        this guy   or       this guy




        what we didn’t know didn’t seem to h...
...until one day it did
...until one day it did
      But even now...
most of us don’t   we just want to feel
   want to hang
     the bankers   OK, secure, safe
Can’t we make it 2004 again (please)?
(Ok, maybe not 2004...)
no
no
it’s a changed world now
We need to grow up
We need to grow up
And you need to help us
so that it‟s no longer this


              but this...
ok, how?
1   Help us ‘own’ our
    own money
What does that mean?
Yes, it remains ours.
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so.
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking
interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the
do...
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking
interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the
do...
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking
interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the
do...
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking
interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the
do...
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking
interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the
do...
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking
interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the
do...
Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking
interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the
do...
Coming next...the age of mybanking
Coming next...the age of mybanking




                           because now it‟s about
Interfaces that are comprehensive
Interfaces that are comprehensive
     that give us control
Interfaces that are comprehensive
     that give us control
               flexibility
Interfaces that are comprehensive
     that give us control
               flexibility
               and the big one...
emotional ownership
spaces that feel like ours   not yours...
It‟s starting to
happen... with
more access...
and elsewhere power is starting to move...
but we await...


                  ?
Right now, who still feels in charge of this
relationship? Take a wild guess…
“ …and they never tell you that you are about to exceed your credit limit. Bank statements are
impossible to follow when m...
2   Incentivise expertise
What does that mean?
If we’re going to get behind the controls we ought to know how to drive
actively teach
us about financial
    management
About financial responsibility
         About „Unsecured Debt/Personal
         Income Ratios‟
         About managing inv...
Incentivise success
more than penalise failure
more
less
3   Embrace customer
    service. Finally.
What?
aren‟t we?
Genuinely? It‟s about philosophy.
It‟s about what‟s in your corporate DNA.
Training courses, customer advisers, call centres,
  telephone/net banking and all the rest ultimately remain
details when...
It‟s about being
          committed to that marriage

 Feeding and nurturing it once more,
so that one day you can get to...
My bank feels like a genuine partner
       to me...making a decent profit
  because I’m keeping my business
   there. It ...
© Different River Ltd   www.differentriver.co.uk
November 2009             + 44 (0) 1635 240062
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.
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A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.

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A looks at what went wrong between us and the banks, and how to find the magic again...

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A Guide for Banks: After the Affair - Rebuilding Love and Trust Again.

  1. After the Affair Rebuilding the love and trust again A guide for banks by Different River
  2. “Me and my bank? We just don’t love each other anymore. Where’s the sparkle gone, the trust? He’s been seeing someone else I just know. Someone exciting, someone dangerous. He doesn’t care about me. Perhaps he never did?”
  3. Part 1 1987-2008 21 years of fun
  4. Part 1 1987-2008 21 years of fun quite often with someone else
  5. Once, banks were
  6. conservative
  7. safe
  8. They inspired
  9. It was like a comfortable
  10. It was like a comfortable, long lasting,
  11. It was like a comfortable, long lasting marriage...
  12. Then
  13. Then on October 27th 1986
  14. Then on October 27th 1986 Something happened
  15. ...the banks met someone new!
  16. Someone new exciting Someone different Someone who made them feel great
  17. Someone who made them feel rich
  18. ...and quite like this guy
  19. It’s all about bucks kid. The rest is conversation. ...and quite like this guy
  20. “The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It's bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy? It's the free market. And you're a part of it. You've got that killer instinct. Stick around pal, I've still got a lot to teach you”. Gordon Gekko, ‘Wall Street’, 1987
  21. “The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It's bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy? It's the free market. And you're a part of it. You've got that killer instinct. Stick around pal, I've still got a lot to teach you”. Gordon Gekko, ‘Wall Street’, 1987!
  22. And did they tell us what all this could one day mean for us?
  23. What you do think?
  24. And thus it began...
  25. After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999 Vermillion Books, pp 131-132 Stages of the Affair 1. At the beginning The person having the affair The partner of the person having the affair Justification – “I need this affair Concerns – “There are problems because things are so bad with my in our relationship, but I don‟t know partner” how/am too afraid to tackle them” Desire – “I really want to be with Denial – “Perhaps things will work this person” out on their own?”
  26. The banks seemed happy. Not dull and bored anymore. Bought us things even.
  27. FTSE 100 How could there be a problem?
  28. After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999 Vermillion Books, pp 131-132 Stages of the Affair 2. As the affair progresses The person having the affair The partner of the person having the affair Denial – “This affair is making no Questioning– “My partner seems difference to my committed different, but I don‟t know why” relationship”
  29. Maybe we were curious . How come things just seemed to keep getting better and better?
  30. Average UK house prices £ But they just did...
  31. and everyone said everything was fine...
  32. and everyone said everything was fine... ...well, almost everyone...
  33. George Magnus, UBS... Nouriel Roubini, Economist... And this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU6PamCQ6zw (watch and weep)
  34. After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999 Vermillion Books, pp 131-132 Stages of the Affair 3. If the affair continues The person having the affair The partner of the person having the affair Questioning – “I am not sure Anxious– “My partner is behaving where this affair is going. Is it more very differently and is often very important to me than my committed secretive. I wonder if he/she is relationship?” seeing someone else?”
  35. Could it last?
  36. In the second half of 2008 we got a message...
  37. We got pretty upset
  38. After the Affair: Julia Cole, Relate, 1999 Vermillion Books, pp 131-132 Stages of the Affair 4. If the affair is revealed The person having the affair The partner of the person having the affair Confusion – “I thought I could Unhappiness – “I thought I knew contain the affair. Now it is out of my partner, but they are like a control. I feel guilty about the stranger to me, I feel betrayed.” situation.”
  39. Felt pretty bad
  40. and now we feel angry abandoned resentful bitter
  41. and the banks feel shame regret aimless confusion even defiance...
  42. or just hope it can be business as usual...
  43. But it can’t unless we want to end up with a
  44. <pause>
  45. Part 2 2009 - Repairing the damage
  46. and here’s the best news
  47. It wasn’t all your fault
  48. this is how it felt for us when things were good
  49. this is how it felt for us when things were bad
  50. but however it was, this is how it always felt...
  51. The Ego-State (or Parent-Adult-Child, PAC) model At any given time, a person experiences and manifests their personality through a mixture of behaviours, thoughts and feelings. Typically, according to TA, there are three ego-states that people consistently use: Parent ("exteropsyche"): a state in which people behave, feel, and think in response to an unconscious mimicking of how their parents (or other parental figures) acted, or how they interpreted their parent's actions. For example, a person may shout at someone out of frustration because they learned from an influential figure in childhood the lesson that this seemed to be a way of relating that worked. Adult ("neopsyche"): a state of the ego which is most like a computer processing information and making predictions absent of major emotions that cloud its operation. Learning to strengthen the Adult is a goal of TA. While a person is in the Adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality. Child ("archaeopsyche"): a state in which people behave, feel and think similarly to how they did in childhood. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, and crying or pouting, as they used to when scolded as a child. Conversely, a person who receives a good evaluation may respond with a broad smile and a joyful gesture of thanks. The Child is the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ source of emotions, creation, recreation, spontaneity and intimacy. Transactional_analysis
  52. The thing is...we allowed ourselves to get into that place
  53. responsibility
  54. responsibility yours
  55. responsibility yours and
  56. responsibility yours and ours
  57. Help us be your equals in this relationship
  58. and here’s another thing...
  59. there’s no point simply asking us what we want
  60. we may just tell you that we want it like it was
  61. because back then, whether you were this guy or this guy what we didn’t know didn’t seem to hurt us...
  62. ...until one day it did
  63. ...until one day it did But even now...
  64. most of us don’t we just want to feel want to hang the bankers OK, secure, safe
  65. Can’t we make it 2004 again (please)?
  66. (Ok, maybe not 2004...)
  67. no
  68. no it’s a changed world now
  69. We need to grow up
  70. We need to grow up And you need to help us
  71. so that it‟s no longer this but this...
  72. ok, how?
  73. 1 Help us ‘own’ our own money
  74. What does that mean?
  75. Yes, it remains ours.
  76. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so.
  77. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the door of a big intimidating branch.
  78. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the door of a big intimidating branch. It‟s like visiting a foreign embassy, like being on their soil.
  79. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the door of a big intimidating branch. It‟s like visiting a foreign embassy, like being on their soil. And while you‟re there you are subject to their laws, rules, customs.
  80. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the door of a big intimidating branch. It‟s like visiting a foreign embassy, like being on their soil. And while you‟re there you are subject to their laws, rules, customs. Sure the money remains ours, but it doesn‟t feel like it.
  81. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the door of a big intimidating branch. It‟s like visiting a foreign embassy, like being on their soil. And while you‟re there you are subject to their laws, rules, customs. Sure the money remains ours, but it doesn‟t feel like it. We handed it over for you to look after, we gave you the power.
  82. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the door of a big intimidating branch. It‟s like visiting a foreign embassy, like being on their soil. And while you‟re there you are subject to their laws, rules, customs. Sure the money remains ours, but it doesn‟t feel like it. We handed it over for you to look after, we gave you the power. There are things we can do and things we can‟t do with our own money.
  83. Yes, it remains ours. But you wouldn‟t think so. Banking interfaces, websites etc often remain like walking through the door of a big intimidating branch. It‟s like visiting a foreign embassy, like being on their soil. And while you‟re there you are subject to their laws, rules, customs. Sure the money remains ours, but it doesn‟t feel like it. We handed it over for you to look after, we gave you the power. There are things we can do and things we can‟t do with our own money. And deep down that means that we are still being the child.
  84. Coming next...the age of mybanking
  85. Coming next...the age of mybanking because now it‟s about
  86. Interfaces that are comprehensive
  87. Interfaces that are comprehensive that give us control
  88. Interfaces that are comprehensive that give us control flexibility
  89. Interfaces that are comprehensive that give us control flexibility and the big one...
  90. emotional ownership
  91. spaces that feel like ours not yours...
  92. It‟s starting to happen... with more access...
  93. and elsewhere power is starting to move...
  94. but we await... ?
  95. Right now, who still feels in charge of this relationship? Take a wild guess…
  96. “ …and they never tell you that you are about to exceed your credit limit. Bank statements are impossible to follow when money transfers from one account to another. My sense is that there are mechanical rules and no human intelligence” (Managing Director, male) “Cohesive thinking so if I have some money in one account and go overdrawn in another then I am not heavily penalised until I transfer the money across, and that ALL my accounts can be accessed from the one screen.” (Web Designer, female), “The bank did not honour our arranged overdraft and charged us bank charges. I rang the central number and spoke to someone who said nothing could be done” (Film Editor, male), “Being able to get through to a living person on the phone quickly to do something basic like order a new cheque book and not having one of those awful multiple phone things where you phone up and you have to listen to a multi choice thing and go through a massive menu and security things with the key pads, (say when you just want to order a new cheque book) which can take up to 5 minutes, and then when you do finally get through to a living person, you then need to give all the security stuff again. (Musician, male), “I would like them to not try to encourage me to use my credit card when they can clearly see from my solo account that I can't afford to pay it off as the interest rates are so high. It doesn't make sense. It makes me not believe that they care about the well being of their customers. It makes me feel like they're more interested in their own business.” (Student, male), “Being treated as an individual rather than an account number! "The computer says no" appears to be rife. The way that banks simply distribute changes to their policies (or, in my latest example, change my business accounts) as an arbitrary letter is infuriating. It makes me want to do the same back. "Dear bank, I've changed condition 4(b) in our agreement to read ... This is because ..." (Business owner, female), “ I would like to feel that my bank had my best interests at heart and really cared about my long term interests.” (Beautician, female)”
  97. 2 Incentivise expertise
  98. What does that mean?
  99. If we’re going to get behind the controls we ought to know how to drive
  100. actively teach us about financial management
  101. About financial responsibility About „Unsecured Debt/Personal Income Ratios‟ About managing investment About financial security About borrowing and saving and planning for the future The Advanced Financial Driving Test? Leading to better rates, preferential treatment, specific products when we have qualified?
  102. Incentivise success
  103. more than penalise failure
  104. more
  105. less
  106. 3 Embrace customer service. Finally.
  107. What?
  108. aren‟t we?
  109. Genuinely? It‟s about philosophy. It‟s about what‟s in your corporate DNA.
  110. Training courses, customer advisers, call centres, telephone/net banking and all the rest ultimately remain details when the philosophy and culture of the organisation continues to be visibly orientated at any goal other than the sustained financial well being of the customer.
  111. It‟s about being committed to that marriage Feeding and nurturing it once more, so that one day you can get to here...
  112. My bank feels like a genuine partner to me...making a decent profit because I’m keeping my business there. It feels like an equal in this relationship, and it and I are making adult, rational decisions which we communicate to each other to our mutual benefit. I trust it more than I trust others, because it has demonstrably helped me to take control of my finances, to make informed decisions, and because it provides accessible tools for me to manage my money.
  113. © Different River Ltd www.differentriver.co.uk November 2009 + 44 (0) 1635 240062

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