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How to Pitch Bullshit
 

How to Pitch Bullshit

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How to pitch total bullshit? Answers in this comprehensive presentation. Held at the Android Devcamp 2011 in Stuttgart. #adcs2

How to pitch total bullshit? Answers in this comprehensive presentation. Held at the Android Devcamp 2011 in Stuttgart. #adcs2

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  • Good work. Enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. MaryTravolta
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  • this is simply outstanding, congrats! Mortiz
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  • Mortiz, indeed a nice presentation. Pl. make it available for download.
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    How to Pitch Bullshit How to Pitch Bullshit Presentation Transcript

    • SUCCESS
    • HOW TO PITCH BULLSHITMoritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo
    • Moritz HaarmannGTUG Stuttgart Founding Member Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner Social Media Expert Innovator!!!11!! Founder & CEO of Future adressable investment leads, inc ( F.A.I.L. )
    • What we talk about todayWhy it is necessary to learn how to pitch rightAvoid failingLearn to think like business peopleLearn to act convincingly! Use Technology like a Pro ( PowerPoint )How to analyze ideas
    • Success rate overview Win Fail 1 % 99 %
    • Why we need to do it.We need moneyFor technological projectsfrom people who just don‘t understand
    • Why it failsWe communicate the wrong thingsWe address business people the wrong way!=> Let‘s do it right!
    • ADJUST YOURCOMMUNICATIONUse rules! Algorithms! Jiha!
    • EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE YOUR TALKING TO ISYOUR MOTHER IN LAW. „Mother-in-law-rule“
    • Mother-in-law-ruleYou just need to get along well with your mother in lawShe is, most likely, a total noob.
    • COMPLETELY ELIMINATE TECHNICAL/JARGONTERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS A BUZZWORD. „Buzzword-Rule“
    • FOR EACH TECHNICALTERM, USE 3 POSITIVE BUSINESS TERMS. Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule
    • REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE
    • Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providingboth a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuthbased backend for developers to interact with ourservice, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“
    • Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platformproviding both a GWT-Frontend for Users and aJSON/OAuth based backend for developers tointeract with our service, which helps findingbakeries nearby.“
    • Bad Pitch„We are providing for Users to interact with ourservice, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“So, you‘ve just invented the yellow pages? => fail.
    • Good pitch?Any ideas?
    • Good pitch„We aim to build a local social advertising platform,enabling millions of paying customers to explore theworld of hand made quality bread in the premiumsection of an ever groing market.“.Mention the words ROI, Exit and Growth ( Whilepointing towards the sky ) regularly before and afterpitching.
    • Better pitchAvoid textual content whenever possibleReal leaders and executives just don‘t have the timeThere are, although, technologies that help youcommunicate your content
    • Charts 300 225 150 752007 0 2008 2009 2010
    • ChartsAre, without a doubt, the secret of successfulentrepreneurs and business guys.Although ugly, misleading and overused, we should usecharts whenever possible.
    • ALWAYS USE 3CHARTS IN ANYPRESENTATION. Three-Chart-Rule
    • Three Chart RuleFor each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.( It is a secret code among business people to use threecharts, an unwritten law. )First Chart: Solely to demonstrate your capability ofusing and creating charts.Second chart: Linear growthThird chart: Explosive growth or pie chart.
    • YOUR IDEAsucks most likely.
    • IF IT IS COMPLICATED => sucks.
    • IF IT IS JUST LIKESOMETHING ELSE it sucks. and you.
    • NO ONE NEEDS IT it sucks
    • IT DEALS WITH SELLINGCUSTOMIZED STUFF it sucks really really hard.
    • ANYWAY.
    • Smart Idea Pimpin‘Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In yourhead.Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a goodstarting point.Hands-On: Find yourself 5 Buzzwords you feelcomfortable with. Become one with them.
    • Pitching all the timeYou need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitchingyou will fail hard if you are not.Failure is not an option.
    • ONE LAST THING
    • THIS IS NOT REAL LIFEIt‘s great to be a nerd.Our ideas rock.We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )
    • Indoor Temperature Dev. Winter Today 100 75 50 25 9:00 0 11:00 13:00 15:00 17:00
    • THANK YOUthis was beta, btw.
    • Dieses Werk bzw. Inhalt steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-NichtKommerziell-KeineBearbeitung 3.0 Deutschland Lizenz.