How to Pitch Bullshit

SUCCESS

HOW TO PITCH BULLSHITMoritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo

Moritz HaarmannGTUG Stuttgart Founding Member Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner Social Media Expert Innovator!!!11!! Founder & CEO of Future adressable investment leads, inc ( F.A.I.L. )

What we talk about todayWhy it is necessary to learn how to pitch rightAvoid failingLearn to think like business peopleLearn to act convincingly! Use Technology like a Pro ( PowerPoint )How to analyze ideas

Success rate overview Win Fail 1 % 99 %

Why we need to do it.We need moneyFor technological projectsfrom people who just don‘t understand

Why it failsWe communicate the wrong thingsWe address business people the wrong way!=> Let‘s do it right!

ADJUST YOURCOMMUNICATIONUse rules! Algorithms! Jiha!

EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE YOUR TALKING TO ISYOUR MOTHER IN LAW. „Mother-in-law-rule“

Mother-in-law-ruleYou just need to get along well with your mother in lawShe is, most likely, a total noob.

COMPLETELY ELIMINATE TECHNICAL/JARGONTERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS A BUZZWORD. „Buzzword-Rule“

FOR EACH TECHNICALTERM, USE 3 POSITIVE BUSINESS TERMS. Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule

REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE

Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providingboth a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuthbased backend for developers to interact with ourservice, which helps ﬁnding bakeries nearby.“

Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platformproviding both a GWT-Frontend for Users and aJSON/OAuth based backend for developers tointeract with our service, which helps ﬁndingbakeries nearby.“

Bad Pitch„We are providing for Users to interact with ourservice, which helps ﬁnding bakeries nearby.“So, you‘ve just invented the yellow pages? => fail.

Good pitch?Any ideas?

Good pitch„We aim to build a local social advertising platform,enabling millions of paying customers to explore theworld of hand made quality bread in the premiumsection of an ever groing market.“.Mention the words ROI, Exit and Growth ( Whilepointing towards the sky ) regularly before and afterpitching.

Better pitchAvoid textual content whenever possibleReal leaders and executives just don‘t have the timeThere are, although, technologies that help youcommunicate your content

Charts 300 225 150 752007 0 2008 2009 2010

ChartsAre, without a doubt, the secret of successfulentrepreneurs and business guys.Although ugly, misleading and overused, we should usecharts whenever possible.

ALWAYS USE 3CHARTS IN ANYPRESENTATION. Three-Chart-Rule

Three Chart RuleFor each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.( It is a secret code among business people to use threecharts, an unwritten law. )First Chart: Solely to demonstrate your capability ofusing and creating charts.Second chart: Linear growthThird chart: Explosive growth or pie chart.

YOUR IDEAsucks most likely.

IF IT IS COMPLICATED => sucks.

IF IT IS JUST LIKESOMETHING ELSE it sucks. and you.

NO ONE NEEDS IT it sucks

IT DEALS WITH SELLINGCUSTOMIZED STUFF it sucks really really hard.

ANYWAY.

Smart Idea Pimpin‘Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In yourhead.Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a goodstarting point.Hands-On: Find yourself 5 Buzzwords you feelcomfortable with. Become one with them.

Pitching all the timeYou need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitchingyou will fail hard if you are not.Failure is not an option.

ONE LAST THING

THIS IS NOT REAL LIFEIt‘s great to be a nerd.Our ideas rock.We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )

Indoor Temperature Dev. Winter Today 100 75 50 25 9:00 0 11:00 13:00 15:00 17:00

THANK YOUthis was beta, btw.

Dieses Werk bzw. Inhalt steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-NichtKommerziell-KeineBearbeitung 3.0 Deutschland Lizenz.

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How to Pitch Bullshit

by Moritz Haarmann on Jun 04, 2011

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