0
SUCCESS
HOW TO PITCH      BULLSHITMoritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo
Moritz HaarmannGTUG Stuttgart Founding Member Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner Social Media Expert Innovato...
What we talk about todayWhy it is necessary to learn how to pitch rightAvoid failingLearn to think like business peopleLea...
Success rate overview       Win     Fail         1 %        99 %
Why we need to do it.We need moneyFor technological projectsfrom people who just don‘t understand
Why it failsWe communicate the wrong thingsWe address business people the wrong way!=> Let‘s do it right!
ADJUST YOURCOMMUNICATIONUse rules! Algorithms! Jiha!
EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE YOUR TALKING TO ISYOUR MOTHER IN LAW.   „Mother-in-law-rule“
Mother-in-law-ruleYou just need to get along well with your mother in lawShe is, most likely, a total noob.
COMPLETELY ELIMINATE  TECHNICAL/JARGONTERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT    IS A BUZZWORD.     „Buzzword-Rule“
FOR EACH TECHNICALTERM, USE 3 POSITIVE  BUSINESS TERMS.   Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule
REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE
Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providingboth a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuthbased backend fo...
Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platformproviding both a GWT-Frontend for Users and aJSON/OAuth based backend fo...
Bad Pitch„We are providing for Users to interact with ourservice, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“So, you‘ve just inve...
Good pitch?Any ideas?
Good pitch„We aim to build a local social advertising platform,enabling millions of paying customers to explore theworld o...
Better pitchAvoid textual content whenever possibleReal leaders and executives just don‘t have the timeThere are, although...
Charts                                   300                                  225                              150        ...
ChartsAre, without a doubt, the secret of successfulentrepreneurs and business guys.Although ugly, misleading and overused...
ALWAYS USE 3CHARTS IN ANYPRESENTATION.  Three-Chart-Rule
Three Chart RuleFor each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.( It is a secret code among business people to use...
YOUR IDEAsucks most likely.
IF IT IS COMPLICATED       => sucks.
IF IT IS JUST LIKESOMETHING ELSE   it sucks. and you.
NO ONE NEEDS IT     it sucks
IT DEALS WITH     SELLINGCUSTOMIZED STUFF  it sucks really really hard.
ANYWAY.
Smart Idea Pimpin‘Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In yourhead.Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a goodsta...
Pitching all the timeYou need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitchingyou will fail hard if you are not.Failure is no...
ONE LAST THING
THIS IS NOT REAL LIFEIt‘s great to be a nerd.Our ideas rock.We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )
Indoor Temperature Dev.                         Winter     Today                                               100        ...
THANK YOUthis was beta, btw.
Dieses Werk bzw. Inhalt steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-NichtKommerziell-KeineBearbeitung 3.0 Deutschland...
How to Pitch Bullshit
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How to Pitch Bullshit

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How to pitch total bullshit? Answers in this comprehensive presentation. Held at the Android Devcamp 2011 in Stuttgart. #adcs2

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Transcript of "How to Pitch Bullshit"

  1. 1. SUCCESS
  2. 2. HOW TO PITCH BULLSHITMoritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo
  3. 3. Moritz HaarmannGTUG Stuttgart Founding Member Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner Social Media Expert Innovator!!!11!! Founder & CEO of Future adressable investment leads, inc ( F.A.I.L. )
  4. 4. What we talk about todayWhy it is necessary to learn how to pitch rightAvoid failingLearn to think like business peopleLearn to act convincingly! Use Technology like a Pro ( PowerPoint )How to analyze ideas
  5. 5. Success rate overview Win Fail 1 % 99 %
  6. 6. Why we need to do it.We need moneyFor technological projectsfrom people who just don‘t understand
  7. 7. Why it failsWe communicate the wrong thingsWe address business people the wrong way!=> Let‘s do it right!
  8. 8. ADJUST YOURCOMMUNICATIONUse rules! Algorithms! Jiha!
  9. 9. EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE YOUR TALKING TO ISYOUR MOTHER IN LAW. „Mother-in-law-rule“
  10. 10. Mother-in-law-ruleYou just need to get along well with your mother in lawShe is, most likely, a total noob.
  11. 11. COMPLETELY ELIMINATE TECHNICAL/JARGONTERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS A BUZZWORD. „Buzzword-Rule“
  12. 12. FOR EACH TECHNICALTERM, USE 3 POSITIVE BUSINESS TERMS. Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule
  13. 13. REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE
  14. 14. Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providingboth a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuthbased backend for developers to interact with ourservice, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“
  15. 15. Bad Pitch„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platformproviding both a GWT-Frontend for Users and aJSON/OAuth based backend for developers tointeract with our service, which helps findingbakeries nearby.“
  16. 16. Bad Pitch„We are providing for Users to interact with ourservice, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“So, you‘ve just invented the yellow pages? => fail.
  17. 17. Good pitch?Any ideas?
  18. 18. Good pitch„We aim to build a local social advertising platform,enabling millions of paying customers to explore theworld of hand made quality bread in the premiumsection of an ever groing market.“.Mention the words ROI, Exit and Growth ( Whilepointing towards the sky ) regularly before and afterpitching.
  19. 19. Better pitchAvoid textual content whenever possibleReal leaders and executives just don‘t have the timeThere are, although, technologies that help youcommunicate your content
  20. 20. Charts 300 225 150 752007 0 2008 2009 2010
  21. 21. ChartsAre, without a doubt, the secret of successfulentrepreneurs and business guys.Although ugly, misleading and overused, we should usecharts whenever possible.
  22. 22. ALWAYS USE 3CHARTS IN ANYPRESENTATION. Three-Chart-Rule
  23. 23. Three Chart RuleFor each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.( It is a secret code among business people to use threecharts, an unwritten law. )First Chart: Solely to demonstrate your capability ofusing and creating charts.Second chart: Linear growthThird chart: Explosive growth or pie chart.
  24. 24. YOUR IDEAsucks most likely.
  25. 25. IF IT IS COMPLICATED => sucks.
  26. 26. IF IT IS JUST LIKESOMETHING ELSE it sucks. and you.
  27. 27. NO ONE NEEDS IT it sucks
  28. 28. IT DEALS WITH SELLINGCUSTOMIZED STUFF it sucks really really hard.
  29. 29. ANYWAY.
  30. 30. Smart Idea Pimpin‘Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In yourhead.Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a goodstarting point.Hands-On: Find yourself 5 Buzzwords you feelcomfortable with. Become one with them.
  31. 31. Pitching all the timeYou need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitchingyou will fail hard if you are not.Failure is not an option.
  32. 32. ONE LAST THING
  33. 33. THIS IS NOT REAL LIFEIt‘s great to be a nerd.Our ideas rock.We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )
  34. 34. Indoor Temperature Dev. Winter Today 100 75 50 25 9:00 0 11:00 13:00 15:00 17:00
  35. 35. THANK YOUthis was beta, btw.
  36. 36. Dieses Werk bzw. Inhalt steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-NichtKommerziell-KeineBearbeitung 3.0 Deutschland Lizenz.
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