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Understanding Responding to Bullying

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Part I of the parent workshop

Part I of the parent workshop

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  • The only thing you can do to help bully-proof your child is that encourage friendships. Start early in helping your child build social skills and make friendships and teach your children to express themselves clearly yet tactfully. The idea of my children being harmed or lost is not something anyone wants to consider. As a way of helping everyone especially the parents, who still find it quite hard to manage issues like this, I found this great application which featured a safety app which gets me connected to a Safety Network or escalate my call to the nearest 911 when needed, it has other cool features that are helpful for your kids with just a press of a Panic Button. Check it here: http://www.SafeKidZone.com/
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  • 1. Understanding & Responding to Bullying
    Part I
    Increasing Your Awareness
    What Causes Bullying & What Can We Do?
    Tools for Strong Families
  • 2. Increasing Your Awareness of Bullying
    Take a few minutes and think of a bullying incident from your youth:
    What happened?
    Who was involved?
    What role did you play in the situation?
    How did you and others react in the situation?
    How did you feel?
    How would you expect your child to react to the same incident?
  • 3. What is Bullying?
    P—Bullying is purposeful
    I—Bullying is imbalanced
    C—Bullying is continual
  • 4. Aggressive Play or Bullying?
    Aggressive Play
    • Voluntary
    • 5. Turn Taking
    • 6. Equal in size, power, or experience
    • 7. Give and take; winning and losing possible; shared experience
    • 8. Enjoys the experience
    Bullying
    • Coercive, ordering, demanding
    • 9. Doesn’t share or take turns
    • 10. Larger, faster, stronger, or having socially imbalanced characteristics
    • 11. Bully always wins
    • 12. Demands the experience
  • Myths About Bullying
    Bullying is just “kids being kids”.
    It’s not really bullying if no one is physically hurt.
    Bullying happens only on the playground.
    Children will outgrow bullying—there are no lasting harmful effects.
    Some children are just born rough, and there is nothing we can do about it.
    It’s best for parents, teachers, and other adults to just stay out of it.
    Children who are the targets of bullying are bringing it on themselves.
  • 13. Myths About Bullying
    Weaker children benefit from bullying. It builds character and gives them an opportunity to “stick up for themselves.”
    If bullying takes place at school, there’s not much I can do to help my child change the situation.
    Only boys bully.
    Girls are targeted for bullying only by other girls.
    There’s not enough time to address the problem of bullying.
    Paying attention to complaints just encourages tattling.
  • 14. What causes bullying and what can we do? The most common questions from both parents and students…
  • 15. Why me? Why my child?
  • 16. What makes some children bullies/targets of bullying?
    Risk factors
    Protective Factors
  • 17. Risk and protective factors are sometimes inherent but many are developed within a child’s spheres of influence
  • 18. Spheres of influence: which ones can you affect?
  • 19. Some examples of risk factors:
    Being smaller or larger than other classmates
    Hitting puberty earlier or later than most classmates
    Stress in the home
    Being confrontational with others
  • 20. Some examples of protective factors:
    strong self-esteem
    sense of humor
    cares for younger siblings
    academic success
  • 21. How important are these factors?
    Risk factors don’t cause the problem
    Protective factors don’t prevent the problem
    However…
    More risk factors = tendency to respond to events in negative or aggressive ways. Protective factors help guard against this
  • 22. Start with your own sphere of influence
    • Notate your thoughts about which aspects you
    can and can’t influence
    • Come up with some steps to take to help you
    make changes in the areas you can affect
  • 23. Tools for Strong Families
    Guidelines for Healthy, Happy Families
    Be Inclusive
    Be Fun
    Be Encouraging
    Be Honest
    Be Firm
    Be NICE
    Be a Source of Security
    Be Respectful
    Be a Positive Role Model
    Be Fair
  • 24. Family Meeting
    One of the most important things family members can do is talk to one another.
    Family meetings are regularly scheduled meetings for the family to discuss guidelines, behaviors and expectations, and make decisions as a group. It provides an opportunity for all the family to come together and identify concerns and problems.
  • 25. Steps to Successful Family Meetings
    Step 1
    Set up a time when all members of the family can be present
    Step 2
    Keep notes
    Step 3
    Choose someone to chair the meting
    Step 4
    Use an agenda
    Step 5
    Reflect on how the meeting went from each family member
  • 26. THE BIG QUESTIONS
    A way to successfully approach problems within your family (problem solving model)
    What is your goal?
    What are you doing?
    Is what you are doing helping you achieve your goal?
    If not, what can you do differently?
  • 27. Emotional Intelligence & Emotional Coaching
    Emotional Intelligence: refers to the ability of a person to monitor his or her feelings, as well as the feelings of others, and use this information to guide thinking and behavior
    4 Components:
    Perceiving and expressing emotion
    Using emotion to facilitate thinking
    Understanding emotions
    Managing emotions
  • 28. Raising Emotional Intelligence
    Children and adolescents who demonstrate high levels of emotional intelligence have lower levels of aggression and fewer behavior problems
    Become aware of your own and your child’s emotions
    Recognize your child’s emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching
    Listen empathically and validate your child’s feelings
    Help your child find words to label the emotions she or he is having (“I statements”)
  • 29. Emotional Coaching Activity
    Think of a situation in which you identified an opportunity for emotional coaching but feel that it probably could have gone better.
    Briefly describe to your table.
    • What was your emotional reaction to the situation?
    • 30. What was your child’s emotional reaction?
    • 31. What got in the way of using emotional coaching?
  • Modeling Behavior
    Based on the assumption that most behavior is learned through observation
    Essential that we try our hardest to demonstrate the behaviors we want our children to learn
    Can you remember a time where you modeled a behavior to your child?
  • 32. Maintaining a Positive Relationship with Your Child
    Balancing Support and Firmness; 1 of the most difficult and universal challenges of parenting
    Keeping the Door Open
    Making a Commitment
    Resolving Conflicts Peacefully
  • 33. Quesstion & AnswerReflection TimeComments
  • 34. Understanding & Responding to Bullying Part II
    This is only the beginning…
    Part II
    Wednesday, September 29 at 6:30 pm
    Topics Include:
    Understanding & helping the bully
    Understanding & helping the targets
    Parents & schools
    BE THERE!...or be bullied 