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How to overcome i am never good enough feeling

How to overcome i am never good enough feeling



For FREE tips and advice on how to attract him, capture his heart and commit to you, visit http://decodinghim.com/subscribe. To know more about Tara, visit her website www.lifeandlovecft.com.

For FREE tips and advice on how to attract him, capture his heart and commit to you, visit http://decodinghim.com/subscribe. To know more about Tara, visit her website www.lifeandlovecft.com.



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    How to overcome i am never good enough feeling How to overcome i am never good enough feeling Document Transcript

    • How To Overcome “I am Never Good Enough” FeelingHave you ever felt that you were not good enough in your relationship? Have you feltlike it is only a matter of time before your partner realizes your shortcomings andreaches the same verdict as you? Do you constantly compare yourself to others andtheir relationships and wish you could be a better partner?If so, you are not alone. Many women and men find themselves questioning their goodfortune to be in a healthy, functional, and loving relationship. Not feeling like youdeserve this good fortune can overcome your ability to be present in your relationshipand can cause difficulties for both you and your partner.Here are five ways in which we convince ourselves we are not good enough forour relationships and how to overcome the insecurity they sow:1. Self-EsteemMost people at one point in their lives have experienced low self-esteem. For some, itis harder to build their self-esteem and bolster their positive self-image. When you arenot happy with the person you see in the mirror, for whatever reason it may be, itoverflows into your relationship. You may constantly feel like you are not deserving ofthe relationship, or your partner could and will find someone better. Good self-esteemdoes not happen solely by chance. You must make time and a concerted effort to buildyour self-esteem. Think of ways in which you are a successful and competent person. This may be hard to do at first and it may take some time to create this list. Start small; no matter how minute something may seem, acknowledge this success. Confidence is not created in a day and is not built exclusively from great feats. Participate in activities in which you excel. If you are a great singer, find a karaoke bar. If you are a great cook, host a small dinner party. Find things that you enjoy that reinforce a positive self-image. Use affirmations. When you find yourself feeling low, or self-piteous, try and stop yourself. Redirect your negative thoughts to the list you created highlighting yourwww.lifeandlovecft.com www.DecodingHim.com
    • successes. Praise yourself for stopping the cycle and redirecting your negative self- talk.2. Cognitive DistortionsCognitive distortions are thoughts we have based on certain ideas that lead us to untrueconclusions. Cognitive distortions can lead to poor communication, negative self-image,irrational thinking, and certainly feelings of insecurity.Here is a list of common cognitive distortions. Identify the negative thoughts you are having about yourself and your worthiness of being in the relationship. Create a list of the positive things you bring to the relationship that disproves those negative thoughts. Keep a list of distortions that commonly have you feeling badly about yourself. Place this list on your refrigerator, your desk, anywhere you will see it often – this may aid in catching yourself in your negative self-talk or misconception and help to create healthier, and more positive self-talk.3. Self-Fulfilling PropheciesUnfortunately, when we do not think we are “good enough” to be in the relationship weare in, we often find ways to prove ourselves correct, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.A self-fulfilling prophecy is when we believe something to be true (that is not necessarilytrue); therefore we act in a way that causes the misconception to become a truth and areality. Self-fulfilling prophecies can be positive or negative. When self-fulfillingprophecies are negative predictions of what is happening/going to happen in ourrelationship, it can cause serious problems in the relationship.For example, your partner does not call you all day because he is running from onemeeting to the next at work. You perceive your partner’s lack of communication as himbecoming distant and disinterested. Thus, you continue to call your partner seekinganswers. Either he gets overwhelmed and turns off his phone or you withdraw from thewww.lifeandlovecft.com www.DecodingHim.com
    • situation because you feel unloved, and this now causes the distance in yourrelationship. Self-fulfilling prophecies complicate relationships because they are hard toidentify. It is hard to know whether your insecurity is real or something you havecreated. Identify the thought/idea that is causing you distress (e.g. fear of losing your partner, fear of pushing your partner away, etc.) Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Do not assume. If you are thinking your partner is unhappy with any facet of your relationship, ask. If you find that your worst fears about the relationship are coming true, it does not mean you are completely responsible. However, it is helpful to explore the ways in which you may be contributing to the problems. Remember, you only have the power to change things about yourself, not your partner.4. ComparingWe’ve all heard the adage, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Usually,this is not the case. When you compare yourself to others or their relationships, you aresetting yourself up for disappointed because you are only seeing the qualities that youthink you do not have. Embrace who you are and what you have to offer and make thatthe standard for your ideal relationship. If you find you are comparing yourself to others, identify what traits you see that are making you feel inferior. Decide whether or not you possess those traits, if you do, think of a way you can strengthen them and build upon them. If you do not possess those traits, embrace your originality. So you do not have a super model’s body, or you do not have an advanced degree – What do you have? Find the qualities that make you a unique and a great person, thus, an exceptional partner.www.lifeandlovecft.com www.DecodingHim.com
    • 5. Mr. WrongYou may not be feeling like you are not good enough for your partner, because yourpartner is telling you just that. Perhaps he does not literally say “you are not goodenough for me,” but maybe he is unresponsive, neglectful, or distant. If you have tried tocommunicate how this behavior makes you feel unworthy of the relationship and thingsdo not change, maybe he is not the right fit for you. In relationships, we cannot solelydepend on our partners to be our complete and exclusive source of growing andmaintaining self-esteem.As an individual, you are largely responsible for finding and knowing your worth.However, your partner should be respectful, supportive, and willing to affirm andencourage you. We all have moments when we feel less than the best, having a lovingand supportive partner who can identify the great qualities you bring to the relationshipis important and necessary. No person deserves to be in a relationship in which theyare never told their value or worth.References:Grohol, J. (2009). 15 Common Cognitive Distortions. Psych Central. Retrieved onFebruary 11, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-common-cognitive-distortions/Grohol, J. (2009). Fixing Cognitive Distortions. Psych Central. Retrieved on February11, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/fixing-cognitive-distortions/About the authorTara Gogolinski is a Licensed Graduate Marriage and Family Therapist and owner ofLife & Love: Couple and Family Therapy, LLC. She provides therapy for individuals,couples, families and children in Crofton, Maryland.Tara is trained as a therapeutic grief mentor and is also certified in providing PlayTherapy techniques with children and families.www.lifeandlovecft.com www.DecodingHim.com
    • To know more about Tara visit her website, www.lifeandlovecft.com. For more free tips and insights on what really attracts a man, how to make yourself irresistible to him and how to capture his heart, click the link below. www.decodinghim.comwww.lifeandlovecft.com www.DecodingHim.com