How to know when it's time to end your relationship
www.amywoodpsyd.com www.DecodingHim.comHow To Know When it’s Time To End Your RelationshipBreaking up, as that famous song from the seventies goes, is hard to do. Harder stillis deciding whether breaking up is the right thing to do. When your relationship isn’tgoing well, it’s tough to distinguish whether you’re just in a temporary bad place that canbe worked through or if you’ve reached the end of the line. It’s never fun to endure theordeal of splitting up, and you want to make sure, before you extract yourself and beginthe work of starting over, that you’ve tried everything reasonably possible to get back ontrack. Generally, if any of the following six conditions describe your relationship, goingis better than staying.You can’t be your true self:All of us strive to hide our flaws and make a great impression during those intoxicatingfirst few months of a new relationship. But resilient, lasting love happens only whentwo people eventually reveal and embrace their imperfections. If you’re in anestablished partnership and you’re still hiding parts of yourself, trying to gain yourpartner’s approval, or feeling even remotely stifled or awkward, you’re with the wrongperson.A sure sign that a relationship isn’t healthy is that you feel chronically judged,demeaned, or limited by your partner. In the right relationship, you will feelsimultaneously safe, stimulated and spontaneous, and free to make mistakes, grow, fallapart, thrive, and just be in the ways that feel natural to you.You’re doing too much work:All solid relationships require sacrifice and compromise, and the give and take of twopeople building a life together is rarely fifty-fifty. Yes, there will be times when you’reboth contributing evenly, but usually one person is giving more – if one of you is brieflysick in bed or away on a business trip, or preoccupied for a prolonged period with thedemands of job-hunting or a debilitating personal crisis, the other may pitch in tocompensate.You’re doing too much in your relationship if you’re in a pattern of always picking up theslack, taking blame, being accountable – not just with concrete pieces of sharing a lifelike getting chores done, but with the nurturing aspect of reading books, taking courses,or going to therapy to improve yourself and the relationship. If your partner alwaysseems to think you’re the one who should do the changing, cleaning up, correcting, orapologizing, you’ve probably done too much to make the relationship successful and it’stime to start withdrawing.
www.amywoodpsyd.com www.DecodingHim.comYour partner isn’t making you a better person:Think back to the classes you performed best in as a kid. You probably earned yourhighest grades when you were inspired to reach new heights by teachers you genuinelyliked and respected. Well, it’s sort of like that in the right relationship; it’s easier toexcel, often using strengths you didn’t know you had, when you’re with someone whosecompany is organically motivating and affirming. Such is the chemistry between twowell-matched people whose innate compatibility brings out the best in each other andthe world around them. If your relationship is anything less, you – and your partner —deserve more.You’re uncomfortably comfortable:When you have a history with someone, it’s easy to get lulled into complacency by thetrappings – the home, habits, routine, bank account, kids, and dysfunction – of your co-existence. The more memories, stuff, and entanglements you have together, the morelikely it is that you will resist leaving a stale union until you have tried every trick in thebook – sometimes to the point of making yourself exhausted and ill — to revive yourrelationship.Whether you’re simply bored with a partner you’ve outgrown or suffering downrightabuse, the devil you know is a safer short-term bet than the uncertainty awaiting everynewly single person. If you’re resisting breaking up primarily because the prospect ofchange is inconvenient and scary, there’s likely nothing to salvage and it’s worth the riskto set your soul free.Your intuition is telling you to hit the road:There’s plenty of practical advice out there on how to know if and when it’s time to leavea relationship. At the end of the day, though, it’s more about feeling than logic. I had awonderful boyfriend for several years, and I tried hard to convince myself that he was“the one” because he loved me and I was about 90% sure we could build a lifetogether. But the intuitive signs that he wasn’t right kept nagging at me, despite myconstant efforts to convince myself that the relationship was meant to be.Like the time I felt sick to my stomach when I heard another couple talking about buyinga house together — or an ever-so-slight sense of restlessness that I could never shake,no matter how much fun we were having or how deep we were in conversation. Even ifyour relationship looks fine to everyone else, and even if you can’t pinpoint any overtsigns of trouble, if it doesn’t feel right all the way down to your core, then it’s definitelynot. And the sooner you trust your intuition and act on it by saying good-bye, thesooner you and your ex can get through the pain of breaking up and land inrelationships with real long-term potential.
www.amywoodpsyd.com www.DecodingHim.comAbout the authorThrough speaking, training, consulting, and one-on-one sessions, psychologist AmyWood has helped countless adults from all walks of life and work to articulate andaccomplish their own versions of success. Known for her pragmatic optimism, shebelieves that every human being is a unique and valuable individual with the innerresources necessary to overcome any challenge. Dr. Wood earned her doctorate fromthe Adler School of Professional Psychology, is certified by the College of ExecutiveCoaching, and is based in Portland, Maine.Dr. Wood is the author of Life Your Way: Refresh Your Approach to Success andBreathe Easier in a Fast-paced World an award-winning personal improvement bookthat surpasses quick-fix self-help rhetoric with a sustainable program for adapting to ourperpetually hectic age. She is a co-founder of sPeak performance, a speakers bureaucomprised of women authors, and is often called on for her expert opinion by mediaranging from local newspapers to Parade Magazine.To learn more about Dr. Wood, visit her websitesat www.amywoodpsyd.com and www.speakperformance.net.For more free tips and insights on what really attracts a man, how tomake yourself irresistible to him and how to capture his heart, click thelink below.www.decodinghim.com