11 tips on how to get through the break up of a good relationship


Published on

For FREE tips and advice on how to attract him, capture his heart and commit to you, visit http://decodinghim.com/subscribe. To know more about Kayna, visit wwwww.KaynaCassard.com.

  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Total views
On SlideShare
From Embeds
Number of Embeds
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide

11 tips on how to get through the break up of a good relationship

  1. 1. 11 Tips on How to Get Through the Break-up of a GoodRelationshipGoing through a break-up is hard, there’s no doubt about it. But when it comes to thebreak-up of a good relationship, there is a bit of a difference in trying to heal. I shouldknow – ironically, two weeks before I was asked to write this article, my boyfriend ofalmost two years broke up with me from what seemed like out of nowhere. What madethis break-up so hard was that we still loved each other and still wanted a goodrelationship, but the best option for our careers and lives seemed to be an end to therelationship. That being said, the challenge of this break-up was that the typical “break-up advice” fell short, since he and I were still heavily attached, both missing each otherterribly, and both feeling awful pain from the end of it.For others who have experienced this kind of a break-up, it might be for religiousreasons or physical distance from each other. It might simply be the wrong time for therelationship. Or having had grown apart after years of being together. Whatever thecause for the end, it is tremendously difficult to move forward when you can’t rely onnormal break-up advice to work through what you might be experiencing. Below is acompilation of tips I found helpful from friends, family members, and other therapiststhat might assist you in working through both typical and not-so-typical break-ups.Tip #1: Reach out & ask for helpAlthough nothing sounds better than staying home and curling up under the covers,make sure to surround yourself with positive people. When you feel that itch to call,text, or see your ex, have several friends or family members on hand that are willing tobe there in your time of need and vulnerability. If you have to do “work from home,” orhave some down time to read the newspaper or a book, do it around others at a localcoffee shop, for example.It may be hard to say you are having a tough time and open up to someone, especiallyafter a heartbreak when you are already so vulnerable. Give yourself the “okay” to bevulnerable right now. It is not weak. It is actually a sign of strength to know that youneed support and that your are able to listen to what your mind and body needs.Tip #2: Keep busyMake sure to schedule all of your free time with something to do. This will reduce thatsinking feeling of expected loneliness. Make plans for dinner with friends and family,start a new hobby, or indulge in a current one, pick up extra shifts at work, or volunteerat a local community organization.www.KaynaCassard.com www.DecodingHim.com
  2. 2. Tip #3: Maintain your healthWhile it might be difficult to even think about food, it is important that you maintain yourcaloric intake. Calories from food provide us the energy we need to go about ourday. You might already be exhausted spiritually, mentally and physically from thebreak-up, so your body needs fuel to keep it from breaking down. Focus on eating whatyou typically like, so that at least you can make an effort to get something in you.Also, sleeping is understandably difficult, so talk to your doctor or therapist about goodsleep hygiene. Using sleeping aids temporarily might help keep your health in check(just make sure to talk to your doctor before taking any prescription medications).Trust in the power of a walk in nature. Oxygen is another great way to fuel your mindand body, and a walk will increase the amount of oxygen and positivity you take in. Tryscheduling at least a 15-30 minute walk every morning.Tip #4: Write in a journal or create a video diaryThis time in your life is a powerful moment, and although it might be the worst pain youhave ever imagined, it is something that will make you stronger. It is important that youremember this time for future set backs so you can see how you progressed, what youdid to work through the difficult times, and to know that you will make it through this.Also, being creative is an excellent way to combat depressive feelings, so making avideo diary and using a program like iMovie to compile your work will boost self-esteemthrough your feelings of accomplishment.Tip #5: Avoid overindulging in “numbing” activitiesAt many points in your heartbreak, the idea of overusing some sort of mind-alteringsubstance (i.e., alcohol or drugs) or engaging in certain behaviors (compulsivemasturbating or gambling, e.g.) might sound appealing to numb the pain. However, thiswill actually prolong the pain, and just put it off for you to deal with later.Also, the overuse of alcohol or other drugs can decrease your immune system’s abilityto stay strong. If your body stays strong it will be easier for your mind and spirit to grow.www.KaynaCassard.com www.DecodingHim.com
  3. 3. Tip #6: Give your time to someone elseRight now it is easy to become wrapped up in the sadness and anxiety of your ownmind, but after awhile it can become isolating even if you are around people. Maketime to invest in a friend’s trouble and figure out how to help them through their difficulttime.This will give your mind a break from your own troubles, even if for a moment.Tip #7: See a therapistSome people seek therapy to get to a deeper understanding of their life and how toimprove it. You can also see a therapist for a short period of time to simply workthrough a difficult obstacle, such as a break-up. Find a therapist that does short-termtherapy and has a specialty in relationships or grief and loss.Tip #8: Don’t close your heart offYou have probably never cried harder, nor hurt this badly before in your life. Believeme, I understand if the last thing you want to do is something that might put yourself inthis position again. You might feel like it would be hard to trust or love again, but makesure not to close yourself off from the potential of future love or improved love withfriends.Love will find you again if you let it.Tip #9: Sit in the painThe best way to make the most of this heartbreak is to grow and learn from it. That canbe done if you are able to experience the pain fully and become aware of your thoughtsand feelings. You will become more in touch with yourself, which will make youstronger in the end. It sounds awful and initially counterintuitive, but trust me, you’ll findyourself and happiness much more quickly if you try to simply experience the pain.Tip #10: Know that this is temporaryAlthough it feels like the end of the world, it will become easier. Trust in that, and knowthat you will only feel this way for a short time. It may be months, or even a year, but itwon’t be the rest of your life.Although the future might look dreary and empty with out your beloved, notice whenyour thought patterns are negative. Make an effort to introduce more positive thoughtswww.KaynaCassard.com www.DecodingHim.com
  4. 4. such as “I can do this,” or “it’s going to be ok.” You could even try some imagery ofyourself feeling happier – imagine the look on your face, the feeling in certain parts ofyour body, and try to indulge in the relief from the pressure of your heartbreak.Tip #11: Be honest with yourselfAllow yourself to grieve. A break-up is the grieving of the loss of your beloved, happymemories, future plans, and a good relationship – it’s almost as though you areexperiencing the death of your loved one.Know what is going on with you inside. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel likescreaming, scream. Be aware of what you are craving and why. Be aware of your bodyand what it needs. Then give it to yourself.A final note…Over a month has passed, and through these tips I have been able to begin to moveforward. Writing this article was wonderfully helpful and healing. Having to compile allof the advice that helped me through my break-up was a reminder to make the effort tomove forward. Try figuring out ways that are unique to you that might help you findstrength or courage. Think about what it is that makes you happy – even if it’s just alittle happy – and do it. Simply the effort in attempting to do something to make you feelbetter will help.This will get better.About the authorKayna Cassard, M.A. (IMF#67179, supervised by Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFTMFC#MFC25394) has her Masters in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriageand Family Therapy.She has a private practice in West Los Angeles specializing in sexuality issues, sexuallycompulsive behaviors, and gender or sexual identity exploration. Kayna’s clinical focushas been working with individuals, couples, and groups with a variety of psychologicalconcerns in a sex positive and empathic manner. Recently, she has been focusing ondisseminating information on and providing therapy for female sexual pain.Check out her website to learn more www.KaynaCassard.comwww.KaynaCassard.com www.DecodingHim.com
  5. 5. For more free tips and insights on what really attracts a man, how tomake yourself irresistible to him and how to capture his heart, click the link below. www.decodinghim.comwww.KaynaCassard.com www.DecodingHim.com