Assertiveness - From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Assertiveness is a skill taught by many personal development experts and psychotherapists and the subject of many popular self-help books. It is linked to self-esteem and considered an important communication skill. As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is distinguished from aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries; their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts. Passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries and thus allow aggressive people to harm or otherwise unduly influence them. They are also typically not likely to risk trying to influence anyone else. Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others while trying to influence them. A person communicates assertively by not being afraid to speak his or her mind or trying to influence others, but doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of others. They are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive incursions. Contents [hide] 1 Techniques 2 Applications 3 References 4 External links  Techniques A popular technique advocated by assertiveness experts is the Broken record technique[ citation needed ]. This consists of simply repeating your requests every time you are met with illegitimate resistance. The term comes from vinyl records, the surface of which when scratched would lead the needle of a record player to loop over the same few seconds of the recording indefinitely. Another technique some suggest is called Fogging , which consists of finding some, limited truth to agree with in what an antagonist is saying[ citation needed ]. More specifically, one can agree in part or agree in principle . Negative inquiry consists of requesting further, more specific criticism[ citation needed ]. Negative assertion however, is agreement with criticism without letting up demand.  Applications Several research studies have identified assertiveness training as a useful tool in the prevention of alcohol use disorders.
Assertiveness Chamaru De Alwis
Content Define Assertiveness Identify different behavior patterns Passive behaviour Aggressive behaviour Assertive behaviour Assertive human rights Art of Assertive behaviour
What is Assertiveness An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of ones feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.
What Assertiveness Is Respect for yourself and others. Honestly expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Effectively influencing, listening, and negotiating with others
Passive behaviour Person, who behaves in a passive, manner cant say his wishes and demands. This person is just as helpless to requirements of others. This person locks certainty in his behaviour and he worries, that he isnt able to assert himself adequately. He doesnt resist manipulative tricks. Should there only be a pinch of criticism in the speech of the other side and instead of sticking to his opinion, he begins apologize, explain, make excuses.
A Passive Person Passive people usually: Speak softly and hesitantly. Use fillers like “uh” and “um.” Avoid eye contact. Allow other people in their personal space.
Aggressive behaviour Person, who behaves aggressively, asserts himself at the expense of others, overlooks their rights and competent requirements, puts down the self-confidence of other people. Sometimes an aggressive person comes into his own, but people are reserved to him and they have negative relationship with an aggressive person. Aggression isnt only a physical attack or strong, loud words. Sarcasm and irony have an aggressive impact, too. Sometimes quiet or even lovely speech, which isnt appropriate in a conversation puts down other person.
Aggressive behaviour Infringes on others’ rights, using fear and intimidation to get what he or she wants. Aggressive people often• Raise their voices when they lose control.• Shout and use harsh language like “You should” and “You must.”• Stare people down and may invade other people’s personal space physically.
Differences and Agreements betweenAggressive and passive behaviour Common features : the counterpart is always considered as an enemy who only wants to harm. • So its necessary to pay attention to aggressive or passive people, not express what they think, what they feel, give others only chosen information. Difference: Aggressive person attacks preventively Passive person is afraid of asserting his requirements against bad people.
Assertive behaviour Person, who behaves assertive is manner can say what he wants, how he can see the situation, what he thinks about the situation and how he feels about the situation. He has positive behaviour to other people and adequate self-confidence. He knows that his requirements are rightful and performable and the counterpart wants to resolve positive the situation. He can listen to others and he is able to give and take He is able to change his opinion under pressure of arguments.
Assertive behaviour Assertive behaviour is calm, the person seems to be relaxed. His linguistic as well as extra-linguistic expressions are without any tension and mental stress. The speech is adequately loud, intelligible the pace of speech is even. The eye contact is „direct“.
Assertive human rights cont… I have the right to act in a manner that promotes my dignity and self-respect, as long as I do not violate the rights of others with my behavior. I have the right to be treated with respect. I have the right to say “No” without feeling guilty.
Assertive human rights cont… I have the right to feel and express my feelings. I have the right to take the necessary time to calm down and think. I have the right to change my mind. I have the right to ask for whatever I wish.
Assertive human rights cont… I have the right to do less than what I could if I were using all my reserves. I have the right to ask for information. I have the right to make mistakes. I have the right to feel good about myself.
Assertive human rights cont… I have got the right to judge our behaviour, thoughts and emotions myselflves, and be responsible for such behaviour as well as for its consequences. I have a right not to offer any excuses and apologies to justify my behaviour. I‘ve got the right to judge by myself if and to what extent I am responsible for problems of other people. I‘ve got the right to change my opinion. I‘ve got the right to make mistakes and to be responsible for them.
Assertive human rights cont… I‘ve got the right to be independent on goodwill of others. I‘ve got the right to say „I don‘t know“. I‘ve got the right to make ilogical decision. I‘ve got the right to say „I don‘t understand you“.. I‘ve got right to say „I don‘t mind care“.
1 Scratchy disk One of the techniques of assertiveness – how we demand things which belong to us. We can use this technique whenever we want to enforce a competent requirement. But we must have the inalienable right, preferably when our rights are defined formally by the law or by other rules. The principle of the scratched disc technique is that we define and convey our requirement clearly and unequivocally.
Scratchy disk cont….. No matter what the antagonist says, we keep repeating our requirement. But we agree with everything that is either common truth or at least probable. No matter what factual rubbish the antagonists claims, we say „you are right, it could be.“ We only insist on our requirement. We agree to everything that is secondary at this moment, and only in this „little thing“ which is our requirement we still sit tight.
Scratchy disk cont…..When we assert our requirement, we behave as someonewho knows that the right is on his side. We considerantagonist to be decent and sophisticated person.This person does not have other motivation than that hemust set things in order.We are calm, relaxed, because would we be afraid, whenthere is nothing going on. The effect is determined inadvance. It is determined by the factual state of affairs.When we gain our point, we do not tell individualconcerned „why did it have to take you so long…“but politely we express our thanks.
2. Art of refuseSay „no“ without feelings of quilt.If we cannot say „no“, people push us where they want tohave us. Then we will do things, that we dont want todo, and we will not do things that we want to do.The technique of refusal is the mirror image of theenforcement of competent requirements. We againclaim our „no thank you, I dont want.“We dont explain our reasons we dont apologize we dont behave uncertainly and anxiously.We say „no“ without the impression that we have anyfeelings of guilt.
Art of refuse cont… If we say „no“ we can choose eitherway simple assertiveness, means to insist on ones opinion without any explanation, or empathic assertiveness.- we can show that we understand our partner and open ourselves enough to let somebody know our right reasons why we want or dont want this or the other.
3. The art of asking for favour. The base is the opinion, that a man shouldnt wait until his wish is read from his eyes. The man should be able to ask. We define our wish clearly and intelligibly. Intonation has to correspond to a desire, not to command or reproach. If we are satisfied, we say thanks and show our pleasure. If we are not satisfied, we take it well and we can be pleased that we have tried it at least. We count with negative answer in advance.
4. Acceptable compromise Master-hood of assertiveness One of the main purpose of assertiveness training is the achievement of consent, when both sides gain „their“ values. Especially in contact with people, who arent indifferent to us, it is better to talk to the bilateral satisfaction, rather than have it our way. Both sides are right in most of the situations. Man should be able to listen to others and respect their legitimate requirements.
4. Acceptable compromise cont.. Sometimes our counterpart makes up the third and more profitable solution for both sides. If it isnt the principal thing or if during the interview we accept a part of our counterparts true, we can agree to a proposal of compromise. We try to solute the problem, not to defeat anybody else and to have our way at any price.
5 How to manage criticism Criticism is considered to be the most effective manipulator. You can manipulate other people in the best way, if you make them feel guilty. Criticism is experienced subjectively, often as aggression. Especially in case when the critic doesnt point out our errors or mistakes to set things right, but only for himself to feel better. When one doesnt feel good, one makes aggressive acts to feel better. Someone breaks things in fury, other criticizes. Assertive attitudes differentiate fair or unfair comment at first.
6 Reaction to a fair comment Assertive man agrees with a fair comment, doesnt analyze things and tries to make things right. Assertive reaction therefore is the following: We agree with criticism. We apologize shortly. We suggest and realize an improvement as soon as possible. It expects we close the discussion about the problem of our sin as fast as possible and start to work on the improvement.
Reaction to an unfair comment There is nobody in the world, who cannot be criticized for something, because we have a different opinion on the same thing. The best reaction to an unfair comment is the „open-door“ technique. The term of „open-door“ technique is a symbolic expression for situation, when the critic takes a run to kick out locked door with the use of his strength. When he comes to the door, he goes through, because the door is open against his expectations.
„Open-door“ technique The first step is the effort to separate the fact and the critics subjective opinion in his message. The critics subjective opinion is often his moral classification of the fact. Then we agree with every true or probability. We dont replay to the classification and different suggestions of our wickedness. We stick to the true description of our behaviour and express our agreement with it.
We defend neither with an attack (aggressively)nor with an escape (passively).Then we ask and find out what is wrong with ourbehaviour.Sometimes we are successful to request ourpartner to tell us what he wants indeed.To stay calm is very important. It should silencethe critic sooner or later.
7 Asking for the negatives It concerns the evolution of the „open-door“ technique. We can learn more about ourselves by asking for the negatives and we can find the right reason of the partners criticism. We use the situation and try to turn a conversation into a constructive talk, because it can become a destructive fight. The aim is to open the critics mouth. With this technique we try to get the negative feelings from our partner, and compel him to a real and constructive dialog, because he is important for us and we like him.
Joan is at a meeting where the topic isthe profitability of the project she’sbeen working on for three monthsstraight. She has not said a word in thepast hour. Suddenly she jumps up andaccuses the boss of deliberatelycanceling the project based onpersonal dislike.
Judy’s boss asks her to go on animportant business trip which willcarry over into the weekend of hersister’s wedding. Judy feels she can’trefuse her boss and plans on sendingher spouse to the wedding in herplace.
George is next in line to buy tickets ina crowded movie theatre lobby. Just ashis turn comes up, a man cuts in frontof him and requests tickets. Georgemeekly steps back to allow the manroom and hopes he gets waited onnext.
Do you think that these were appropriate and effective ways to handle the situations?
The copier has been broken for twodays. Sam asked the secretary to call infor repairs several times with noeffect. He says nothing and ends upcalling it in himself. After all, hethinks, she’s probably too busy typingup that memo he gave her thismorning.