dealing with difficult people

dealing with difficult people

fellow negotiator policy geek blogger

my point: have a goal three challenges be a model

<1>

<1>

goal?

goal?

become an expert? make friends? gain insight? share ideas? market yourself?

become an expert?

make friends?

gain insight?

share ideas?

market yourself?

become an expert? make friends? gain insight? community share ideas? market yourself?

become an expert?

make friends?

gain insight?

community

share ideas?

market yourself?

<any?> community

<any?>

community

fun engaged active forgiving interesting

fun

engaged

active

forgiving

interesting

fun engaged active forgiving interesting

fun

engaged

active

forgiving

interesting

and…

and…

our goal? © 2003 The New Yorker Collection from cartoonbank.com. All Rights Reserved.

our goal?

it is not enough that I am right they must also be wrong

it is not enough that I am right

they must also be wrong

<2>

<2>

weak relationships + blunt communication mediums

weak relationships

+

blunt communication mediums

weak relationships + blunt communication mediums = dangerous assumptions

weak relationships

+

blunt communication mediums

=

dangerous assumptions

example

example

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid

I didn’t say you were stupid 

I didn’t say you were stupid 

dangerous assumptions

dangerous assumptions

I have the relevant information

I have the relevant information

I have the relevant information If they knew what I knew, they’d think differently

I have the relevant information

If they knew what I knew, they’d think differently

I have the relevant information If they knew what I knew, they’d think differently They’re probably crazy, stupid or evil (or all of the above)

I have the relevant information

If they knew what I knew, they’d think differently

They’re probably crazy, stupid or evil (or all of the above)

<3>

<3>

model behaviour

model behaviour

influence your community

influence your community

WHAT WE CONTROL: how we behave how we allow others to affect our behaviour

WHAT WE CONTROL:

how we behave

how we allow

others to affect

our behaviour

WHAT WE CONTROL: how we behave how we allow others to affect our behaviour WHAT WE INFLUENCE: others behaviour our relationship the results

WHAT WE CONTROL:

how we behave

how we allow

others to affect

our behaviour

WHAT WE INFLUENCE:

others behaviour

our relationship

the results

be curious

be curious

SHARE ASK SHARE ASK SHARE ASK My Conclusions My Interpretations Their Interpretations Data I noticed Data they noticed DATA POOL Their Conclusions From Argyris & Schon Courtesy of Common Outlook Consulting

considered response

considered response

Inquire: Asking questions to learn information Acknowledge: Of their view or feelings (without agreeing, per se) Advocate: Explaining your point of view

Inquire:

Asking questions to learn information

Acknowledge:

Of their view or feelings (without agreeing, per se)

Advocate:

Explaining your point of view

set rules

set rules

key thoughts 1. you are the leader of your community

key thoughts

1. you are the leader of your community

key thoughts 2. shape your posts

key thoughts

2. shape your posts

key thoughts 3. consider your reaction

key thoughts

3. consider your reaction

key thoughts 4. don’t be afraid delete

key thoughts

4. don’t be afraid delete

key thoughts 5. remember you too are a difficult person

key thoughts

5. remember you too are a difficult person

David Eaves david@eaves.ca www.eaves.ca This work is copyrighted using Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 You may share and remix this work on the condition that you attribute the work to its original author.