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Darul Hikmah: Maintaining a Happy Marriage, Communication Workshop
 

Darul Hikmah: Maintaining a Happy Marriage, Communication Workshop

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    Darul Hikmah: Maintaining a Happy Marriage, Communication Workshop Darul Hikmah: Maintaining a Happy Marriage, Communication Workshop Presentation Transcript

    • Maintaining a Happy Marriage: Healthy Communication
      Hooman Keshavarzi, MA
      SIRAT
    • Two Backgrounds/Two People
      Core Beliefs and Life History
      How parents were, norms, patterns etc.
      Therefore: Differing Perceptions
    • What do you see?
    • Ideas of Right and Wrong
      Pushing a point
      Using Deen to support this perspective
      Let’s say you prove your point: Now what?
      Can’t resolve issues in a productive manner is the larger issue!
    • Communication Errors
      Four variables that if present, can predict whether a marriage will end in divorce by over 85%!!!
      What are they?
    • Vicious Cycle of Bad Communication
      Criticism
      Contempt
      Defensiveness
      Stonewalling
      Additional sword in the marriage:
      No affection outside of this.
    • Solution PLEASE!!
      Interrupt the process QUICKLY!
      Make a joke
      Voice your emotions, “I am feeling upset”.
      Take a time out
      Learn cues and triggers.
    • Gender Differences
      Effects of Stress (Gottman, 1999)
      WOMEN
      MEN
    • Solution PLEASE!!
      Men: Know that it will get better, just bear through the current.
      Women: Take breaks, don’t overwhelm him
    • Details
      Men tend not to see details, but the whole picture.
      Women are highly attentive to details.
      Implication: Men don’t notice little things. Often interpreted as lack of caring.
    • Solution
      You decide!
    • Issues of Power
      Men tend to have an issue with power.
      Women accept influence naturally.
      Men who do not accept influence tend to have poorer relationships.
    • Ideas of Marriage
      ALL successful marriages have unresolved ISSUES!
      • Cognitive Distortion: “should” & “must” statements
      Overestimate how bad it is that these expectations are not met.
    • Communication Errors
      Tend to listen to half of what people say.
      Tend to listen in order to make a response.
      See things from own frame of reference
      Tend to give advice or “what I would do”.
    • Active/Empathetic listening
      Genuine
      Not-Judging
      Empathetic
    • Empathy Technique
      Reflecting & Asking questions.
      Tips:
      Learn when to SHUT UP
      Forget the details – What is the MESSAGE!!
      Do you understand experientially?
    • Characteristics of a Healthy Marriage
      Keeping their negative thoughts of their spouse from overwhelming their positive ones (Gottman, 1999).