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  • 1. Forgiven | Redeemed | Restored | Reborn | & Set Free I’m actually really, really happy with how thisturned out. I wanted something simple, yet intense. I think the lighting turned out really well. Ionly wish my eyes (especially my left eye- photo right) wasn’t quite so dark…but I can live withthat.I can’t even begin to describe how amazing today has been. God is changing me…absolutelychanging my heart. Why, why, WHY did I stop trusting Him? Not so much stop trusting, butjust…stop…walking with Him. I stopped following Him. Belief is not the same as following…andthat’s being made quite clear to me right now!While I was reading Mark Batterson’s "Wild Goose Chase" the idea of genuine repentance wasreally impressed upon me. I realized that if I feel guilty for anything, there’s a reason. Hementioned that there are two types of guilt- convicting & condemning. Convicting comes fromthe Holy Spirit- it’s good…it kind of alerts you to problem areas. Condemning guilt, however,comes directly from Satan trying to drag you down over FORGIVEN sins.So I decided to make a list of everything I feel guilty about. EVERYTHING. And address them.Figure out which guilts were convicting & which ones were condemning. Needless to say, it’s abig list. I haven’t addressed them all- but I’ve hit a few. And let me say…I see exactly whygenuine repentance is so incredibly important.I often glorify my depression to myself. It sounds silly- but I long for it at times. It’s incrediblyenticing. I mean, once I’m in it I absolutely hate it and I’m miserable…but I’ve thrown awayGod’s plans quite a few times to go chase a bad mood- I always gave over to it at the slightesthint of a bad mood. I think it was a power trip sometimes. It gave me a high I can’t explain.So I asked for forgiveness. And like a ton of bricks God put the answer on me. I’ve been tooafraid to try to "deal with it", because in the past, whenever I would try to ‘deal with it’, I wouldalways get dragged through the mud. I would start out with good intentions, but man…abouthalfway through, the temptation was overwhelming, and I gave over to the bad mood. But Godpulled the curtain back and revealed it for what it truly is. 1/5
  • 2. It’s a lie. An absolute attack by Satan. It’s the very essence of sin. It was isolating. It wasoverwhelming & all engulfing…it was controlling. It was deceptive. I gave away all the promisesof God, all the plans, all the love to follow some ridiculous self-serving feeling…and when I "gotit"…it wasn’t anything like it advertised itself to be. It was empty. It was lonely. It was painful. Itwas disorienting. Satan cheated me. He promised me this great feeling…and when I got it, Ihated it. So I really feel like God showed me that I haven’t been manufacturing my depression,so much as I’ve been believing a lie, and trusting those feelings more than Him. Now that Iknow, now that I see…so much can change.It really makes sense. Everyone thought I was bipolar, but when I would do testing, it alwayscame back negative. I’m not bipolar. I’m not sick. I just believed a lie. That’s not the case foreveryone…but for me…I’m not sure any of it was real. Looking back, I’m wondering if mydepression was a result of sin- the isolation, the guilt, the distance from God, as opposed to agenuine chemical depression.Having God shine a light on sin…there’s nothing like that feeling. I don’t think sin is always that"you did something wrong" thing that we make it out to be. I think sin can take the form of manythings, and in this case, it was a false belief- and an eventual willingness to trade the promisesof God for that false belief. I recently learned that Sin is an archery term for missing the mark…Imissed the mark time and time again despite my best efforts…because I couldn’t see the trueissue at hand. It’s hard to hit a target when you’ve got a massive wall blocking your view.I haven’t felt this free in 4 years. It’s no longer my burden to carry. It’s no longer my fight towin. It’s simply my lie to call. If I call it out for what it is, and put my trust in He who deserves mytrust, I’ll be fine. For far too long I’ve said things like "I hope I can stay in a good mood longenough to go back to church" or "I don’t want to go back to church until I think I can hold downa good mood"…but you know…that’s not even relevant anymore. That sin- the sin of chasing acrippling depression, has been completely forgiven & God showed me what it is at it’s core.It’s no longer about hurrying up and "playing Christian" as much as I can on the good days,cutting my losses on the bad ones, and starting the cycle all over again…this is my life. This ismy NEW life. No more pendulum swing…just…stability. That’s a word I’ve scoffed at foryears…but it’s a word that’s becoming reality.I’ve been walking hand in hand with God for 12 days straight now. In the past, I’d give up afterless than a week. 12 days isn’t a huge victory…but it’s a victory nonetheless. Yesterday was areally bad day- but I didn’t give over to it. Yesterday/last night/this morning…that was mycrossroads. That was exactly when I normally give up…but I pushed on, and ended up havingthe most amazing time with God I’ve had this entire time. That’s no accident.You turned my wayYou heard my cryYou turned my mourning into shoutingSorrow may last for a nightBut with the light I am seeingI am singing 2/5
  • 3. You lifted me outYou lifted me outAnd set me dancing, dancingFree, now I am freeYour love rescued meNow it’s the anthem I’m singingMany will seeMany will hearAnd find You strong enough to saveMany the wonders You have doneYour light has come, I am singingI am singingLost is where You found meShattered and frailBut You love me stillTrouble may surround meMy heart may failBut You never willYou never will-Chris Tomlin: You Lifted Me OutOn of my favorite quotes from Wild Goose Chase:"There’s no greater moment and no greater feeling than all of our guilt meeting all of God’sgrace."p109Forgiven. Redeemed. Restored. (Reborn.) & Set Free.What is there left to saythe words, they seem to fail nowoverwhelmed by the namewho paid the price for meWhat if you never movedwhat if you never came downleaving Your throne in Heavento bring us back to YouYou carried me homeYou carried me homeYou carried me homewhen You rolled the stone awayyou rolled my stone awaySearching for us You cameBinding up the broken hearted 3/5
  • 4. looking for the men enslavedto the secrets of his shameclimbing inside the painit was You who truly bore the heartacherearranged the story’s endingto bring us back to life againYou carried me homeYou carried me homeYou carried me homewhen You rolled the stone awayyou rolled my stone awayYou carried me homeYou carried me homeYou carried me homeyou made me your ownwhen you rolled the stone awayhallelujah, hallelujahhallelujahhallelujah, hallelujahhallelujahForgiven. Redeemed. Restored. and set freeForgiven. Redeemed, Restored. Reborn. and set free.You carried me homeYou carried me homeYou carried me homewhen You rolled the stone awayyou rolled my stone away-Phil Joel: Carried Me Home Blog this! Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it up Share on Linkedin Share via MySpace Share on Orkut Share on Posterous share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati 4/5
  • 5. Tumblr it Tweet about it Buzz it up Subscribe to the comments on this post 5/5Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org)