Chapter 8 Part 2 Cst110
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Chapter 8 Part 2 Cst110






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Chapter 8 Part 2 Cst110 Chapter 8 Part 2 Cst110 Presentation Transcript

  • Chapter 8
    • Evaluating and Improving Relationships,
    • Part 2
  • Rewards and Costs
    • Social penetration theory from chapter 7 – relationships continue when there are rewards, end when they become too costly
    • Rewards – pleasure you get from relationship
    • Cost – problems associated with being in the relationship
  • Types of Rewards and Costs
    • Extrinsic – outside the relationship
    • Intrinsic – within the relationship
    • Instrumental – the basic exchange of goods and services
    • See text for examples of costs versus rewards
  • Communication Strategies: Aggression
    • Aggressive talk – talk that attacks a person’s self-concept with the intent of causing psychological pain; using derogatory words
    • Indirect aggression(passive aggression)-using manipulation, scheming, etc; used by people who feel powerless so they try to make the powerful person seem/look less powerful to others
  • Communication Strategies: Regrettable Talk
    • This is talk you regret saying right after it has come out of your mouth; “foot in mouth” syndrome
    • Five categories: blunder, direct attack, negative group reference, direct and specific criticism, and revealing or explaining too much
  • Communication Strategies: Criticism and Complaints
    • Critisism – telling a person something negative about him/herself without offering help to fix the problem; (“you’re ugly / did a bad job”, etc)
    • usually used from high to lower status
    • Five targets: appearance, performance, personhood, relationship style, and decisions and attitudes
  • Communication Strategies: Criticism and Complaints
    • Complaint – negative remarks about a relationship, food, etc;
    • Differs from criticism because it is not directly targeted at a person
  • Communication Strategies: Avoidance
    • Refusing to deal with conflict or painful issues
    • Downside: if the problem is not dealt with, it will not go away and may worsen
    • To deal with avoidance, use assertiveness : taking responsibility for actions, feelings, etc
  • Communication Strategies: Defensive Communication
    • This is when one person in the relationship tries to defend him/herself against remarks or behavior of the other person
    • The problem is that when you are busy defending yourself you cannot listen to what the other is saying or feeling
    • See text for defending against defensive communication
  • Resolving Conflict
    • Conflict resolution – negotiation to find a solution
    • Conflict arises between people who do not have compatible goals
    • Win-win negotiating: when both sides are satisfied with the resolution – how often does THIS happen?
  • Stages of Resolving Conflict
    • Intra personal evaluation – each person analyzes the problem by themselves (how do I feel?)
    • Both people come together and try to come up with an inter personal definition of what the problem really is
  • Stages of Resolving Conflict
    • 3. Shared goals are discussed
    • 4. Possible solutions are discussed
    • 5. Goals are weighed against solutions
    • 6. Evaluation of the solution; at this point the entire process could begin again if either or both people are not happy
  • Steps for Improving Relationships
    • Endurance – don’t “jump ship” at the sight of a problem
    • Work ethic – actively work to produce results both are satisfied with (could be counseling)
    • Personal happiness – find ways to improve your own happiness; not just happiness in the relationship but with yourself and your own life
  • Improving Relationships Online
    • Move slowly with any online relationship
    • Need to evaluate validity of information given
    • Red flags to look for
    • See text for seven tips for transitioning from online to in-person