Chapter 8 Part 2 Cst110

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Chapter 8 Part 2 Cst110

  1. 1. Chapter 8 <ul><li>Evaluating and Improving Relationships, </li></ul><ul><li>Part 2 </li></ul>
  2. 2. Rewards and Costs <ul><li>Social penetration theory from chapter 7 – relationships continue when there are rewards, end when they become too costly </li></ul><ul><li>Rewards – pleasure you get from relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Cost – problems associated with being in the relationship </li></ul>
  3. 3. Types of Rewards and Costs <ul><li>Extrinsic – outside the relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Intrinsic – within the relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Instrumental – the basic exchange of goods and services </li></ul><ul><li>See text for examples of costs versus rewards </li></ul>
  4. 4. Communication Strategies: Aggression <ul><li>Aggressive talk – talk that attacks a person’s self-concept with the intent of causing psychological pain; using derogatory words </li></ul><ul><li>Indirect aggression(passive aggression)-using manipulation, scheming, etc; used by people who feel powerless so they try to make the powerful person seem/look less powerful to others </li></ul>
  5. 5. Communication Strategies: Regrettable Talk <ul><li>This is talk you regret saying right after it has come out of your mouth; “foot in mouth” syndrome </li></ul><ul><li>Five categories: blunder, direct attack, negative group reference, direct and specific criticism, and revealing or explaining too much </li></ul>
  6. 6. Communication Strategies: Criticism and Complaints <ul><li>Critisism – telling a person something negative about him/herself without offering help to fix the problem; (“you’re ugly / did a bad job”, etc) </li></ul><ul><li>usually used from high to lower status </li></ul><ul><li>Five targets: appearance, performance, personhood, relationship style, and decisions and attitudes </li></ul>
  7. 7. Communication Strategies: Criticism and Complaints <ul><li>Complaint – negative remarks about a relationship, food, etc; </li></ul><ul><li>Differs from criticism because it is not directly targeted at a person </li></ul>
  8. 8. Communication Strategies: Avoidance <ul><li>Refusing to deal with conflict or painful issues </li></ul><ul><li>Downside: if the problem is not dealt with, it will not go away and may worsen </li></ul><ul><li>To deal with avoidance, use assertiveness : taking responsibility for actions, feelings, etc </li></ul>
  9. 9. Communication Strategies: Defensive Communication <ul><li>This is when one person in the relationship tries to defend him/herself against remarks or behavior of the other person </li></ul><ul><li>The problem is that when you are busy defending yourself you cannot listen to what the other is saying or feeling </li></ul><ul><li>See text for defending against defensive communication </li></ul>
  10. 10. Resolving Conflict <ul><li>Conflict resolution – negotiation to find a solution </li></ul><ul><li>Conflict arises between people who do not have compatible goals </li></ul><ul><li>Win-win negotiating: when both sides are satisfied with the resolution – how often does THIS happen? </li></ul>
  11. 11. Stages of Resolving Conflict <ul><li>Intra personal evaluation – each person analyzes the problem by themselves (how do I feel?) </li></ul><ul><li>Both people come together and try to come up with an inter personal definition of what the problem really is </li></ul>
  12. 12. Stages of Resolving Conflict <ul><li>3. Shared goals are discussed </li></ul><ul><li>4. Possible solutions are discussed </li></ul><ul><li>5. Goals are weighed against solutions </li></ul><ul><li>6. Evaluation of the solution; at this point the entire process could begin again if either or both people are not happy </li></ul>
  13. 13. Steps for Improving Relationships <ul><li>Endurance – don’t “jump ship” at the sight of a problem </li></ul><ul><li>Work ethic – actively work to produce results both are satisfied with (could be counseling) </li></ul><ul><li>Personal happiness – find ways to improve your own happiness; not just happiness in the relationship but with yourself and your own life </li></ul>
  14. 14. Improving Relationships Online <ul><li>Move slowly with any online relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Need to evaluate validity of information given </li></ul><ul><li>Red flags to look for </li></ul><ul><li>See text for seven tips for transitioning from online to in-person </li></ul>

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