Leading with language module 3 ocbi feedback

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  • Becomes Chemically flooded, adrenaline, endorphins, etc \n
  • Ask the team to share what they believe are their emotional triggers. \n
  • Flip strategies, Video\n
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  • Need print outs and discussion \n
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  • Leading with language module 3 ocbi feedback

    1. 1. 70-20-10 Leading with LanguageModule 4: OCBI Feedback
    2. 2. “ Well if it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong, why don’t I be right and you be wrong?Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    3. 3. Perspective for Feedback • Feedback tells you as much about the person giving it as it does about you. It enables you to better understand what is most important to someone and the things they see and care about, (what they value). • Always remember there is NO right or WRONG only what works and doesn’t work,in relationship to the outcome,best described as a behaviour. • We don’t have the right to make judgements about others, only the right to comment on their behaviours,we are unqualified as humans to do anything else.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    4. 4. Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    5. 5. Reality ModelCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    6. 6. Reality ModelCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    7. 7. Reality Model External EventCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    8. 8. Reality Model External Event SensesCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    9. 9. Reality Model Filters External Event SensesCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    10. 10. Reality Model Filters Life/ memories External Event SensesCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    11. 11. Reality Model Filters Life/ memories External Event Senses CultureCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    12. 12. Reality Model Filters Life/ memories External Event Senses Culture BeliefsCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    13. 13. Reality Model Filters Life/ memories External Event Senses Culture Beliefs ValuesCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    14. 14. Reality Model Filters Life/ memories External Event Senses Culture Beliefs Values State/MoodCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    15. 15. Reality Model Filters Delete Life/ memories External Event Senses Culture Beliefs Values State/MoodCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    16. 16. Reality Model Filters Delete Life/ memories External Event Senses Distort Culture Beliefs Values State/MoodCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    17. 17. Reality Model Filters Delete Life/ memories External Event Senses Distort Culture Beliefs Generalise Values State/MoodCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    18. 18. Reality Model Filters Delete Life/ memories External Event Senses Distort Culture Beliefs Generalise Values Our Interpretation State/Mood or storyCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    19. 19. Reality Model Filters Delete Life/ memories External Event Senses Distort Culture Beliefs Generalise Values Our Interpretation State/Mood or storyCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    20. 20. Reality Model Filters Delete Life/ memories External Event Senses Distort Culture Beliefs Generalise Values Our Interpretation State/Mood or story My Reaction My ResponseCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    21. 21. Reality Model Filters Delete Life/ memories External Event Senses Distort Culture Beliefs Generalise Values Our Interpretation State/Mood or story My Reaction My Response BehavioursCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    22. 22. Fight Or Flight Filters Delete Life/ memories Senses Flight or Fight Distort Culture Beliefs Generalise Values Our Interpretation State/Mood or story My Reaction My Response BehavioursCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    23. 23. Attacking DefendingCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    24. 24. FlightCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    25. 25. Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    26. 26. Amygdala hijacking AmygdalaCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    27. 27. My emotional Triggers ?? WHAT ARE YOURSCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    28. 28. 6 second STRATEGIES YOU NEED TO RE-ENGAGE YOUR THINKING BRAIN Feel six breaths of air filling your lungs and imagine what it looks like. Count to six using funny words. Remember six of the Seven Dwarfs in alphabetical order. Visualise six details of a beautiful place. Name six positive emotions. Find six beautiful qualities of the person with whom you are talking/fighting. Sing a song in your head.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    29. 29. Outcome-Context-Behaviour-Impact • Outcome: What is the purpose of the feedback • Context: where & when it happened, the environment, who was there. • Behaviour what they did, how they behaved • Impact the behaviour had on you, others, the businessCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    30. 30. A mindset for giving Feedback • Think of feedback as immunising yourself or others against future harm to themselves or others. • When a parent takes a child to be immunised, it is often a upsetting and difficult thing to do. Parents spend a lot of time considering all the consequences around getting the child the immunised or not. • Feedback needs to be thought of in the same way, considered with a clear understanding of the consequences, for either giving it or not. Being crystal clear on your intentions and outcomes for giving the feedback, just like you do when immunising a child you a clear on the why. • You are enabling, helping and protecting someone from future harmful behaviours, and perhaps others by giving the feedback. Enabling healthy growth and development of them and the environment they live in.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    31. 31. A mindset for receiving Feedback What does this feedback tell me about the person giving me the feedback? • What’s most important to them, what they value, so there for some of their motivations? • What do they focus on? • What do you believe motivates them? • Is their perspective of the world the same or similar to yours? • How can you use the feedback in a way that enables you to be more able to communicate and work with this person?Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    32. 32. Useful tips when receiving feedback • Ask for examples, • Acknowledge any upset or offence without defending, this is important, • Use the word AND never BUT, BUT often comes across as being defensive, disagreeing and not taking on the feedback. • Acknowledge their perspective and their upset, apologise when and if appropriate, you can give them your perspective when they have finished, make sure you allow them to fully express how they feel before you start giving your perspective. • NEVER EVER use content/context to justify poor behaviour or offending and upsetting someone. The impact is the most important thing, listen for and drive to understand the impact you had, it doesn’t matter if it was intended or not.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    33. 33. Giving Feedback Steps • Ask yourself, what is the impact I want from giving this feedback, what is the change I want to facilitate? • Be specific about what worked or didn’t work and why, it helps if you describe the event, what happened as a behaviour. • Ask yourself what part am I playing/contributing in this situation? • If I am upset, why am I upset? • Always separate out content, what was said and and behaviour, how they behaved and the impact it had on youCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    34. 34. Setting up Feedback • Always be clear on the intent and impact you want from giving the feedback. • Always ask before before giving feedback. • If its not convenient or appropriate time agree when you can give it. (Never give upset feedback) • Use the Xccelerate feedback steps when giving feedback. • Be clear and agree on the new behaviour you want to see. • “Always give the feedback and manage any upset”Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    35. 35. Feedback Preparation • Why I want to give you the feedback, my intent... • What inspires or energises me about you and why... • What behaviour didn’t work for me and why... • How you felt when IT happened... • The impact it had on me/you, if appropriate others... • ( only give examples of others, if it adds value and only when you have had a specific conversations with others how they felt).Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    36. 36. Feedback Giving • Why I want to give you the feedback, my intent... • What inspires me about you and why... • What behaviour/content didn’t work for me and why... • How you felt when IT happened... • The impact it had on me/you, if appropriate others... • How you would like them to behave in the future, the standards of behaviour you expect.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    37. 37. How you will ensure that they stick to the agreement • You will flag it when you see it. • They will give you positive examples of new behaviour. • Both of you will get feedback from others to ensure new behaviour. • Ask them to come up with ways of measuring their behaviours in this area. • How else would they like you to help them? • How are they feeling? • Agree a follow-up to discuss the feedback if appropriate. (Always with direct reports). • For direct reports ask them to bring you every time you meet examples of new behaviour, they have to be pro-active in this.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    38. 38. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notesCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    39. 39. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour...Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    40. 40. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    41. 41. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    42. 42. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting. • We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about the person, NOT even ourselves.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    43. 43. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting. • We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about the person, NOT even ourselves. • In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    44. 44. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting. • We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about the person, NOT even ourselves. • In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated. • Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour has.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    45. 45. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting. • We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about the person, NOT even ourselves. • In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated. • Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour has. • When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good person.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    46. 46. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting. • We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about the person, NOT even ourselves. • In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated. • Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour has. • When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good person. • The outcome of feedback should never be to upset someone, NORE should it be not to upset someone, people become upset sometimes and feedback can be upsetting, manage the upset and give the feedback. Think of the immunisation model it often helps me.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    47. 47. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting. • We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about the person, NOT even ourselves. • In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated. • Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour has. • When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good person. • The outcome of feedback should never be to upset someone, NORE should it be not to upset someone, people become upset sometimes and feedback can be upsetting, manage the upset and give the feedback. Think of the immunisation model it often helps me. • Choose a good environment to give feedback NEVER in a public place and NEVER where you may be at risk, check you internal guidelines to ensure business compliance.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    48. 48. Xccelerate Feedback steps, general notes • Always separate CONTENT from BEHAVIOUR. E.g: Content could be great and accurate, CONTENT doesn’t permit poor or unwanted behaviour... • Behaviour is behaviour. It either works or doesn’t work. People aren’t their behaviour , accept the person change the behaviour. • What you permit you promote, think about what behaviours you would be proud of promoting. • We are permitted to measure behaviour (what works and doesn’t work) NOT make Judgements about the person, NOT even ourselves. • In life, behaviours either work or don’t work, that is it, it’s not complicated. • Talk about what works and doesn’t work, how something makes you feel and the impact the behaviour has. • When giving feedback remind people that they are doing good job and you like them, they are a good person. • The outcome of feedback should never be to upset someone, NORE should it be not to upset someone, people become upset sometimes and feedback can be upsetting, manage the upset and give the feedback. Think of the immunisation model it often helps me. • Choose a good environment to give feedback NEVER in a public place and NEVER where you may be at risk, check you internal guidelines to ensure business compliance. • Never give Tough feedback by email and if possible always face to face.Copyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    49. 49. Ocbi Outcome Impact Context BehaviourCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    50. 50. Behaviour Passive withdrawn Patterns What you observed Behaviour Tone Body Volume Language IntonationCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    51. 51. Outcome Why you You need to see a are giving step change in the feedback behaviour positive intent Outcome You want Because you care to enable Positive about them, the change & feedback business, your support relationship themCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10
    52. 52. Context Who Where Content what was Context When saidCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10 Copyright XCCELERATE Ltd 2006
    53. 53. Impact Engagement Relationship • self • team • biz • projects Trust Impact Belief Values Feelings SafetyCopyright xccelerate 70-20-10 LTD 2011 70-20-10

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