Steve chambers cloud psychopaths- cloud camplondon 24.10.12

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Steve chambers cloud psychopaths- cloud camplondon 24.10.12

  1. 1. Cloud PsychopathsLondon CloudPsychocamp Oct 2012 @stevie_chambers CTO canopy-cloud.com
  2. 2. cloud crazy? Does the guy at the other end of twitter look like this? @reillyusa
  3. 3. cloud chop suey? Why is Chris beating up Vince Cerf? Or is Chris being attacked? Why is the man with the camera finding this funny?
  4. 4. Cloudwashing?
  5. 5. cloud squirrel? Are dogs psychopaths? Are squirrels psychopaths?
  6. 6. jon ronson
  7. 7. what is a psychopath?• Robert Hare PCL-R• 2 factors, 20 items• Each item is scored – 0 does not apply – 1 applies somewhat – 2 definitely applies• SCORE YOURSELF! – prize is a holiday for 1 near Crowthorne, UK http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Hare_Psychopathy_Checklist
  8. 8. Psychopath fast test
  9. 9. these are not pyschopaths
  10. 10. health warning• DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME THE PUB! – should only be deployed by professionals  – community forums and innocent advice – thesis • anyone who thinks cloud is optional, a game, or is curious about its destructive effects – is likely a pyschopath. ways to tell…
  11. 11. factor 1selfish, callous and remorseless use ofothers narcissistic personality disorder
  12. 12. 1/1 Grandiose sense of self- worthCloud is the answer My cloud is the to everything answer to everything I am cloud 0 1 2
  13. 13. 1/2 Glibness/Superficial CharmCloud is easy Cloud is obviousCome on in the Is the personwater’s lovely always doing lightning talks… 0 1 2
  14. 14. 1/3 Pathological LyingCloud never goes Patriot Act doesn’tdown matterCloud is foreverything (but only Data sovereigntyhave web app doesn’t matterexamples) 0 1 2
  15. 15. 1/4 Cunning and manipulativeI like you, you’re Come and presentsmart, you “get” at…cloud, like meYou’re one of us 0 1 2
  16. 16. 1/5 Lack of remorse or guiltOh, the cloud I Your business wasadvised you to use down?went down? How interesting… 0 1 2
  17. 17. 1/6 Shallow effectDoes the dogreally love you? 0 1 2
  18. 18. 1/7 Lack of empathyLet your crapplications Rewrite all your appsdie Get rid of your CIO 0 1 2
  19. 19. 1/8 Failure to accept responsibilityIt’s your decision You didn’t explain your needs correctly 0 1 2
  20. 20. 1/9 Prone to boredom 0 1 2
  21. 21. 1/10 Parasitic lifestyleCloud consultant? Do as I say, not as I doI’m an advisor 0 1 2
  22. 22. factor 2chronically unstable, antisocial and socially deviant lifestyle histrionic personality disorder
  23. 23. 2/1 Poor behavioural controlCan’t resist free pizza and beer? 0 1 2
  24. 24. 2/2 Unrealistic long term goalsOne day there will only be cloudCloud is the final destination 0 1 2
  25. 25. 2/3 ImpulsivityStick it in the cloud, what could possiblygo wrong? 0 1 2
  26. 26. 2/4 IrresponsibilitySecurity and performance is someoneelses problem 0 1 2
  27. 27. 2/5 Juvenile delinquencyWhat is the person’s IT track record?Job history? 0 1 2
  28. 28. 2/6 Early behavioural problemsEarly adopter of ASP, SOA  0 1 2
  29. 29. 2/7 Revocation of conditional releasePersistent offenderCan’t help themselves 0 1 2
  30. 30. 2/8 Promiscuous sexual behaviourany API hybrid cloud 0 1 2
  31. 31. 2/9 Many short term marriages• Weak/fake alliance marketing 0 1 2
  32. 32. 2/10 Criminal versatilitydrop cloud, adopt the next big thing 0 1 2
  33. 33. Your score?• Picture of people• According to the rigorous, scientific and industry standard methodology we’ve just done? – <5, sit down you’re normal – <30, sit down, you’re a criminal – applaud the people left standing, be nice to them
  34. 34. Innocent victims?developer administrator CIO
  35. 35. unbend my iron• cloud < utility, but what is cloud? – clouds move across boundaries – clouds are driven by natural forces – Cloud is not NIST, not Dope’n’stack, not VMware – southern electric does not create custom electric for my home grown iron – APIs are the plug sockets of this generation – technology naval gazing is not cloud
  36. 36. Final Thoughts• a psychopath is for life, not just for christmas• 20% population cause 70% of the pain• when asking for cloud advice, beware!

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